Thoughts Matter: Paying Attention to the Stuttering Mind

"Increasing awareness of our thoughts can profoundly impact how we perceive and navigate our experiences, empowering us to break free from limiting beliefs and embrace personal growth."

Paige explores the profound impact of paying attention to one's thoughts that impact the experience of stuttering. Introducing the concept of cognitive distortions, the episode delves into how these distorted thoughts shape individuals' perceptions and emotions related to stuttering.

Drawing from personal experiences, Paige shares examples of common distorted thoughts encountered by individuals who stutter, such as all-or-nothing or crystal ball thinking. Solutions to counter these distortions are offered, emphasizing the importance of reframing thoughts and fostering self-awareness.

You’re invited to explore your own thinking patterns and one’s thought processes to foster positive change in the experience of stuttering.

I’m curious, did you recognize a few of these thinking patterns for yourself? Explore how these thinking distortions might be getting in the way of you achieving the level of fluency you want. Book a FREE consultation call or learn more at www.thehappystutterer.com

Links

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Recovery from Stuttering Relapse: Coaching solutions with Paige
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Transcript

[00:00:00] One of the most important things I've learned so far in personal development is how paying attention to your thoughts is so powerful. No matter what happens to us. It's our thinking that colors how we feel, ultimately shaping our experiences, both positive and negative. It is our thinking that can get distorted, like putting a filter or glass lens [00:01:00] in front of what is objectively happening in reality and thinking that is distorted can skew how you perceive Evaluate yourself as well as other people and situations in your life. It's these cognitive distortions that contribute to feelings of guilt, shame, and self-criticism, and not the situation or circumstance itself. The crazy thing about these distortion of thoughts is that you may not even realize you're using them.

Because you're so used to thinking the same thoughts. They're normal and the truth to you, until you have awareness, they're subconsciously driving your experiences. So if you want a different experience than what you're having now, sometimes it takes looking at the types of thoughts you're having. Now I get it if you're thinking, but all I want to do is [00:02:00] stop stuttering.

All I want is some quick tips on what to do so I don't block and stutter. What does it matter what I'm thinking? I. As we know, stuttering is complex and multidimensional with many factors at play, and it's for this reason working on one area or factor such as your thoughts and how you think can actually have a considerable impact on your overall speaking experience.

If you've listened to my podcast before, I've mentioned that one of the key things I do as a coach is to really listen and hear the type of language a client is using in their words, and why do I do this? It's because the words you use with others and yourself are even more important than how you're saying your words.

In this episode, I'm sharing what each of these thinking [00:03:00] distortions are. and in going through each one, I'll share an example of what it sounds like in the stuttering mind and a possible solution. Now, these solutions are just suggestions, so use them as you see fit.

Pay attention as we go through them. You may even recognize a few of these thinking patterns for yourself. But first I wanna share with you that until I started paying attention to my own thoughts and the words I was using, I had no idea the impact they were having on me. With more awareness, I could see how I perceived myself and the world around me because I stuttered sometimes.

What I heard wasn't very supportive or helpful. Everyone must think I'm stupid because of my stutter. I'll never be able to excel in my career because I stutter. I wish I [00:04:00] could disappear. Every time I stutter in front of people, people probably find it annoying to listen to me, struggle to get the words out.

No one will ever take me seriously because of how I speak. I'm always going to be held back by my stutter. taking a look and shedding light on my distorted thoughts was necessary to start reframing my thoughts and changing the narrative of how I saw myself. And It was especially eye-opening to notice what I thought other people were thinking about me. It's taken a lot of time to gradually sift through my thoughts and how I think, and to be honest, it's really a never ending process, But necessary one to increase positive feelings in emotional and mental wellbeing, and that is worth gold. Okay, so let's jump in [00:05:00] and learn all about the many types of distorted thinking. I am sharing these types of thinking from a book called Feeling Great, the Revolutionary New Treatment for Depression and Anxiety by David D.

Burns md. It's a hefty book at 500 pages, but it's a very enlightening read with exercises and tips, so I highly recommend it. So for the purpose of this podcast, here is a much lighter version, and I want to caveat this by saying. I'm guilty of pretty much every single one of these distortions in thinking.

Okay. Number one, all or nothing thinking, this is a tendency to lump and view something in its extreme, black and white opposites. Either it's all good or bad, or everything is all right or wrong. When it comes to stuttering, it may sound something like this. [00:06:00] Well, if I know I can't be perfectly fluent, then there's no point in speaking up at all.

the solution. To remedy This type of thinking is to remove rigid judgment and allow things to be in various shades of gray. Number two over generalization. If something bad happens once you tend to over generalize that it will happen again and again. Using words like always or never.

It may sound like I will always stutter or I'll never speak fluently, one solution could be to Beware of how memories are like a movie playing out from the past and being projected into the future or present moment. Number three is negative mental filtering.

Mental filtering is selectively focusing on negative details of [00:07:00] a situation while filtering out all of the positive aspects. It may sound like people seem to enjoy my presentation, but I stuttered. The solution for this could be being more aware and mindful of jumping too quickly to negative conclusions that ignores the positives in a situation.

Number four is very similar 'cause it's about downplaying the positive. This means that you completely discount something positive and quickly convert it into a negative. This may sound like my speech was good today, but it must be a fluke. Give yourself credit for a positive event. If someone gives you a compliment, be open to appreciate it.

Number five is emotional reasoning. This is the fallacy that if something feels a certain way, then [00:08:00] it must actually be true. You mistake your feelings for reality. This may sound like I feel so stupid. Stuttering in front of my boss. I'm such a dummy.

If you feel stupid or boring in some situations, remember that this does not mean you are stupid or boring. Okay, moving on to number six, should thinking when self-talk includes terms such as should have to must, this is commonly associated with a fear of judgment or punishment. It may sound like I have to be as fluent as possible in this interview or else I won't get the job.

Behind this type of thinking is judgment, where you feel that there is little or no room for mistakes. Give yourself grace and [00:09:00] permission to be as you are doing the best you can. Number seven is personalization. This type of thinking is about taking another person's words or actions highly, personally, or believing something was your fault when it really wasn't.

It may sound like the barista looks flustered. It's all my fault because I stuttered when saying my order. To remedy this kind of thinking is just to not take things too personally. Not everything is your fault or your responsibility. The next one is control fallacy. the fallacy of control is a mistaken notion that you should have complete control over a situation that actually doesn't allow for total control.

This could sound like if only I didn't stutter, then my coworker would [00:10:00] ask me to go for lunch. Remember, the only control you have is over yourself and your thoughts and the choice to consciously choose how you want to respond and not react. The next one is blaming. This is when holding someone else responsible for your own self-induced emotional pain.

Or you may blame yourself for something out of your control. This could sound like I blame my boss for making me stutter when they called me out in front of everybody. The solution to blaming is to take Full responsibility for yourself, where needed. Understand what's in and out of your control.

Okay, number 10 is silver bullet thinking. This is the idea that there is one simple and fast solution to a complicated problem. This sounds like I'm going for three [00:11:00] weeks of speech therapy and I'm getting rid of it once and for all. you need to recognize there are multiple layers to a problem that are not easily solved or addressed for the fast and one size fits all solution.

Number 11, wishful thinking. This is a type of distortion that wishes, hopes, and ways for things to change without taking action. It may sound like, I wish I didn't have this stutter. I hope it just goes away one day. The solution is that all change begins with taking action. Having hope does help to provide motivation for something better, but nothing changes if nothing changes.

Number 12 is labeling. This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. It's like if you make a mistake, you may attach a negative [00:12:00] label to yourself. And it could sound like I'm such a loser. You can reframe the label you give yourself to something more appropriate. Of course, everybody makes mistakes, especially when they're learning or mastering a new skill.

so this negative thought could be reframed to, I'm doing the best I can. Okay, we're in the home stretch now. Number 13, crystal ball thinking. This type of thinking implies that you have the ability to read somebody's mind before even asking them what they're thinking or feeling, or even making negative predictions about the future.

What this sounds like is I just know they hate it when I stutter. Ask yourself, how do you know this is really true? As much as we'd like to, we don't have a crystal ball, so if [00:13:00] you don't know, ask. And the final one, number 14, magnify and minimize.

This is a tendency to magnify or blow up something that is minor or you may minimize something that is very significant, for example. You stutter a bit more than you'd like to during a meeting at work and you conclude I'm going to lose my job. Or perhaps something amazing happens in your life and it's minimized by saying, ah, it's no big deal.

The solution is to acknowledge situations for what they are. No more putting things down or blowing things up out of proportion. So there we go. That was quite a list of all the different types of distorted thinking.

Who knew? There was so many ways to distort our thinking in ways that don't serve us? Each cognitive distortion you [00:14:00] examine serves as a mirror reflecting back to you of what's going on in your own inner world. As you go about your day, I invite you to pay attention to see which thinking distortions show up in your life. Now, some of these may not show up in your life at all, but more than likely you might recognize a few of these traits.

The reason it's important to cultivate mindfulness and awareness of your thinking is that it directly plays out in your behavior and you can't change what you're not aware of. With more awareness, you'll start to see how your thinking is playing out in creating your experiences. In my own. Sometimes I'm so caught up in a problem or worry that I don't even realize it, and it can take some time to reflect on what's happened before I have an aha moment, like.

Now I see what's happening. It's not because I stutter, [00:15:00] but more about the distorted thoughts I'm having about my experience with stuttering. It's just a matter of adjusting my thinking, and sometimes that makes all the difference. I am curious, did you recognize a few of these thinking patterns for yourself?

If you'd like to explore how these thinking distortions might be getting in the way of achieving the level of fluence you want, I invite you to book a free call with me. You can share with me your speaking challenges. Ask questions and get clarity on your fluency goals. By the end of this call, you'll have clarity on how coaching can help you get back on track to the level of fluency that makes you happy.

For inquiries, you can reach out to me here, Paige, at the happy stutter.com. [00:16:00]