Interview: A Journey of Grit and Healing with Kelly Smith

"Every experience, every struggle, has shaped me into who I am today. I wouldn't trade any of it for the world. It's made me stronger, more empathetic, more resilient."
— Kelly Smith

In this episode, host Paige welcomes Kelly Smith, owner of a successful catering and event planning company in Santa Barbara, California, who shares her inspiring healing journey with stuttering.

Kelly discusses the challenges she faced growing up with stuttering, feeling isolated and silenced, and the impact of having a stuttering parent. Despite the obstacles, Kelly's resilience shines through in pursuing her dreams to become a successful entrepreneur. 

Her story serves as a beacon of hope for anyone facing similar struggles, highlighting the power of determination and self-belief in overcoming adversity.

Links

What’s Your Stutter Personality? Take the quiz to find out! https://www.thehappystutterer.com/quiz/

Recovery from Stuttering Relapse: Coaching solutions with Paige
https://www.thehappystutterer.com/services/

Website: Learn more https://www.thehappystutterer.com/

Instagram: Follow here https://www.instagram.com/thehappystutterer/

Transcript

Paige: Welcome everybody. Today my guest is Kelly Smith. I met Kelly back in 2020 right when C Covid hit, and at the time she'd reached out to me after hearing me being interviewed On a podcast. Since then, we've stayed in touch and I'm so glad that she is here today with me. Now,

Kelly owns a full service, high-end catering and [00:01:00] event planning company in Santa Barbara. California where she lives with her puppy. Charlie, after receiving her bachelor's degree in communications and immediately enrolling in in culinary school following, she slowly worked her way up to purchasing the company in 2022.

Kelly has stuttered since early childhood and is determined not to let her speech hold her back from all that life has to offer in her free time. She has a passion for travel and booking solo travel trips all over Europe. So Kelly, welcome to the show.

Kelly: Hi. Thanks so much for having me. I'm very happy to be here. I'm a little nervous, but I'm ready to go. Let's do this.

Paige: Okay. It's no secret that stuttering can be challenging and can have a hand in shaping a person to who they become.

Especially growing up with [00:02:00] stuttering since childhood. I know for myself, recovery from stuttering has been the greatest area of healing that I've done. Myself to get to a place of more ease and flow in my fluency and self-expression. So, Kelly, I'm curious, like how has stuttering impacted and shaped you as a person?

Kelly: Wow. Yes. Well, that is a question that is a, that is a great place to kind of start out here because you and I are both people who stuttered since, you know, we can remember. And that has an immense role on your development and on. Just kind of how you see yourself growing up from a very young age.

So, definitely it has shaped me as a person from the get go. You know, growing up it was very hard to to stutter. I mean, you, back then, you know, there wasn't really Google or social media groups or [00:03:00] things like that, the information that was out there. was not the best, you know, and I think up until I was like maybe 12 years old, I thought that I was the only person who ever stuttered.

So it was a very sort of lonely existence being a child and, and thinking like, gosh, am I the only one who does this? And, you know, growing up it really silenced me and it, you know, made me feel less than in my, in my peer groups. Luckily I was very fortunate enough to have a circle of friends from a very young age who are, you know, very accepting and very kind and thankfully that that continued into my high school years.

But yes, it was, it was a very rough start there. And, you know, it's taken me many years to, to sort of break down those walls that I built around myself from a very young age. It was, you know, [00:04:00] definitely a struggle. It was definitely hard. It definitely affected me.

In every way, shape and form growing up. 

Paige: I, I would absolutely agree with so much you've just said there. You know, I think maybe that's why we have connected so well is because in talking about our childhood and our, their stories, we can really relate to our shared experience. And I even though, you know, we live thousands of miles apart and, and I'm sure everyone else who might be listening to this, you know, we don't know each other, but still such a shared different, but yet a shared experience. And you know, what you just said about being lonely, and I am sad for that, for that little girl that had to go through something so hard through their childhood. but you're right there.

It is possible to heal [00:05:00] and we're both on, on that journey now. And, and I'm so glad that you're here so we can share, share your story and, and to really learn from, from your experience as well. I really wanna go back to about, you know, how we met on, on Zoom and, and you know, we've had many chit chats and through our conversations we discovered that both of our parents stuttered.

So for me it was my mom. And for you it was your dad. So tell us a little bit more about that, the experience you had in growing up with a parent who stuttered.

Kelly: Absolutely. So my father and I had a very complicated relationship. Growing up he was very hard on me about my speech. I, I think he sort of thought that he was gonna sort of scare me out of stuttering, which doesn't work as we all know. [00:06:00] So I got very little empathy and understanding from my father about my speech.

So when I was 17 years old. My father divulged to me that he used to stutter, and that came as a huge shock, you know, after someone who I had lived with for so many years who was, who was so hard on me about it, to find out that he knew exactly how that felt. You know, that took a long time for me to sort of internally reconcile for sure.

But the funny thing was, was he phrased it as he used to stutter. It was weird because after he told me I could pick up on his avoidance tendencies and I could pick up on the fact that he would switch words, and, you know, he did a very good job of hiding it. He hid it from my, from my stepmother, from my mother.

It was not talked about. So after he told me, I, I was like, [00:07:00] you still stutter. And the shame for him was so heavy that he would never admit that he still stutters. Unfortunately his stepfather was very hard on him growing up. And I don't feel that he was ever fully, allowed or, you know, took the time to really heal from that childhood trauma.

So in turn, he sort of passed that on to me. And thankfully I, I've sort of healed and grown from that. But yes, my father and I had a very complicated relationship. I didn't ever really see him openly stutter. He was a very covert stutterer. His entire life. But to this day he, he still stutters and you know, he will say, oh no, I, I got over it, you know, in my childhood.

And Okay, well. Sure. I, I, if that is your truth, then I'm not gonna [00:08:00] correct you. But and truthfully, so for myself I don't really think my healing ever officially began until I was 26 and I was able to remove my father from my life for good going forward.

I just realized that that was not a relationship that was going to serve me.

And since then I've been able to start to physically heal, to emotionally heal to just kind of become this whole new person. And I know for. A fact that if my father were still in my life, that I would not be where I am now. I would not have been able to accomplish. This level of fluency that I now have, I wouldn't be where I am with my business.

So for me, severing that family tie was a necessary step [00:09:00] in my own healing. And of course there's forgiveness there, but forgiveness doesn't always mean that that person gets to keep entering into your life. And. That was a decision that I had to make for myself as someone who was an adult and it was the best one for me, and it continues to be

Paige: I, I really, there is just so much there that hits me in the gut, literally because of just your experience with your dad and, you know, you know, for someone who grew up with stuttering and. Then being the parent, even though they knew exactly what that experience was, they couldn't help you through it because he hadn't done his own healing.

Kelly: Exactly.

Paige: it's unfortunate that that's what happens when it's the, when it is the generational trauma that that really gets passed down [00:10:00] until there is the person that stops it. And you were the person that stopped it. And I understand how difficult it can be to as you said, you know, remove your father from your life.

But I do agree with you that sometimes it's impossible to do the healing with the person in your life that has caused the trauma in the first place.

Kelly: Absolutely. I, I couldn't heal in the environment that had traumatized me. You're basically just re-traumatizing yourself, and I wasn't allowed to be the person that I knew I could be with that influence in my life.

Paige: yes,

Kelly: So it just had to be removed. And we, you know, we set our peace to one another. And that's that.

And I have moved forward. It's been about eight years and I am very [00:11:00] happy with where I am in my healing journey. 

Paige: Well, absolutely, and I think, you know, it's because you've done the work, you, you're in the process, but you're, you've done a lot of work to really acknowledge. That inner child that you know, where the wound and the trauma is. And as the adult now to reparent to parent, that little girl that didn't get the parenting she needed that first time around.

But the good thing is that we can do that now for ourselves. And when you do, it's a very powerful thing.

Kelly: Oh, it's been such a great experience. It's been so

Paige: I'm so happy for you. I'm so happy for, for you to get to. A better place in your life.

Kelly: Me too. And thank you, Paige.

Paige: So for many young adults who stutter, choosing a career can seem daunting as fluency can be a concern where effective c com communication is [00:12:00] required for many pro professions, and even for me, being a graphic.

Designer for, for the majority of my career, I prefer to be behind a computer screen so that I could limit the amount of speaking that was required of me. So since we first met in 2020, you're now the co-owner of a successful catering business so. What's the story and really what thoughts went through, your head behind the situation when your boss asked you to purchase the company.

I mean, it's not every day that an opportunity like that falls on a person's lap.

Kelly: No, it is not. And kind of just going back to what you were saying too, about a career being daunting. I mean, growing up I, I didn't know if even having a job was gonna be possible. How can you have a job when you can't even say your own name? I mean, how do you get [00:13:00] through a whole job interview? How, and then once you get the job, how do you do the job?

How do you do the, phone calls? How do you do the meetings? I mean, these are thoughts that went through my 10 year old's brain and, you know, it was just too much for a child to handle,

Paige: That is like, I mean, not every day do you have the opportunity you know, to buy a, to buy a, a business, but I think maybe what you're getting at is like, oh my God, can a person who stutters own and operate a business.

Kelly: I mean, all of these speaking situations that I knew I was going to have to do popped into my head, you know, doing. Job interviews, going to lunch meetings having staff meetings. There are times where I'm on site and we're, you know, about to start a big event and I, I will have to, you know, a, a [00:14:00] address my 25 staff members before we start, you know, just kind of really giving them the rundown and the.

And the expectations of the day because at our company we do have a very high level of service. We are very high end. So when I am at work, I am no nonsense and this is what has to be done because this is what our client expects. So all of these speaking situations kind of ran through my head and I kind of felt sick to my stomach, but I think anything worthwhile. That's, you know, gonna have that physical response. You just,

Paige: Yes, abs. Absolutely. Well, I mean, really it's amazing that you didn't let your fear hold you back and you're really just going after what you want. And it sounds like through this process, you've really have grown.

Kelly: I [00:15:00] mean, I, I kind of didn't have a choice, right? I mean, it was, yeah, it was kind of all part of it. And again, I wasn't prepared. but I have no regrets about my decision. I think it's been, what, a year and a half later. And the person who I am now is vastly different than the person who I was when I started this.

I feel capable and I feel like an adult now for the first time ever. But yeah, I, I, I can't even put into words the feeling, the just the changes, like your whole mindset changes. Your priorities change, how you relate to yourself. Changes, my speech has changed. 

Paige: I think there's this saying something like you grow, you grow through what you go through.

Kelly: Totally.

Paige: So I'm just curious. there's a debate within, you know, people with stutter sometimes about taking a magic pill.

To cure stuttering and, [00:16:00] you know, just interested to know if, for you, if there was such a magic pill that would instantly make, you know, make stuttering go away, would you take it? Why or why not?

Kelly: If you had asked me this question. You know, 10 years ago I would have said, emphatically, give it to me right now. Give it to me right now. Let's do this. 'cause I had envisioned my stuttering as basically the root of all my problems. You know, I, I had this fantasy that if I didn't stutter my life would be vastly better that, you know, my problems would be fixed.

That this was kind of the only thing. That was making my life hard, which was not true, obviously, and I am less inclined to take it now just because I think I'm at a place with my speech now, where [00:17:00] it, it doesn't silence me.

And I am comfortable talking about my stutter. You know, I, let's talk about it going on dates, like, I don't care. Let's talk about it. In a group of people. I'll talk about it while I'm doing a job interview. Not that, you know, I, it's, I, I, I think of it as this. True part of me. But it's, it's just something that, that I do.

And it, and it, it doesn't have to be good or bad. And if someone is curious about it, I'm more than happy to talk about it. But I don't have this feeling now that it makes me less than, that belief has been shed. So. I'm, you know, and I'm not there yet. I mean, life is, you know, a journey and this will always kind of be a work in progress and I'm okay with that.

But I think I'm to a point now where I don't really know [00:18:00] if I would take the pill or not. I am very happy with the person who I've become. I am very proud of my strength and my endurance and my crazy hard work ethic. I can absolutely attribute some of those things to my past struggles with stuttering. Would I be the person who I am now? If I didn't stutter? Probably not. I don't know. I, I can definitely see why someone would take it and I have no qualms with them. But for me, I think I'd be a little bit more hesitant to take it just because it's, it's taken me 34 years to cultivate this person now.

And I like who she is and I like who she's becoming. I'm really proud of myself for how I've kind of navigated and, you know, continued to overcome my speech and gain more fluency and I'm [00:19:00] kind of excited to see where it goes. So, I guess, yeah, that's my answer.

Paige: Yeah. Well that, that is a great answer. And I mean, I'd like to say, you know, if I can be a mirror to, I mean, when we first met a couple years ago and to where you are now I can see there is. A different version of you. I can, I can see your confidence, I can feel your confidence that is just there.

And maybe it is because, you know, with owning a business and doing all those hard things, that just by the doing it actually helps you move forward and to grow and just become not a, maybe not, it could be a better version of yourself, but just a different version of yourself, of the potential that was always there, but you [00:20:00] gave yourself the permission to,

face the fear that could have stopped you, but you got on, you said yes and you, and you went down that road anyways, so that is an amazing thing and you should be very, and as you said, you're very proud of yourself and that's amazing.

Kelly: Thank you so much for saying that. Yeah. Sometimes it's d difficult to kind of, you know, stop and take a minute and kind of see where you started and kind of where you're at now. So, yeah, and I mean, even I, I've known you for a couple years and for you to say that there's been changes, I do really appreciate that and I, I do love our talk so much.

Because again, like you were one of the first women who I met who had a parent who stuttered, who you know was. Comfortable talking about it. Who is conquering it? Who is seeking out people who stuttered? We are the minority of the [00:21:00] minority, you know, growing up all these groups and things, it was always men who stuttered, which is fine, but it was just kind of hard to yourself and to know that you exist somewhere else.

Paige: Yes, well, absolutely. I mean it's, you know, if you don't see if, if you don't see it, sometimes it's hard to believe that it's even possible. And, and it is true. 'cause you know, even when I went for speech group therapy. I was the only female in a room full of men. And yeah, you kind of feel outnumbered and still yet alone.

But 

Kelly: yeah. 

Paige: So I wanna kind of jump back into something. You know, you said that, you know, you're really proud of the person that you have be become now. One of my next questions is about. There is a common [00:22:00] expression that is like, you know, we are more than our stutter. And sometimes it's hard to believe that, but you know, it's sometimes hard to believe that we are more than our stutter.

But I think we are here to prove that, that's true and that it's possible. So I'd like to know like what's your favorite thing about yourself and why?

Kelly: So I like this question. And truthfully again, this speaks a lot to my younger self and just all of the strength and endurance that she went through. Sort of navigating this road as a person who stutters all the way from childhood to to university, to college, to relationships.

I don't know if I would be the person I am today without all of that strength and endurance that, she was able to display. And then, not just that, but along the way, it gave me a deep [00:23:00] sense of empathy for others. And I, I really value. Trait. I think that it definitely allows us to have deeper connections with one another

And just kind of really understand the human condition on a whole other level.

My strength, my endurance have gotten me where I am today. And I think my sense of empathy and compassion has kind of helped me not only love myself more in my older years, but kind of has really helped me to. Sort of connect with people on a whole new level. 'cause growing up that was always very hard for me to do.

I, I always kind of closed myself off and just kind of got through it, you know, kind of just survived, just went through the motions. But,

um, I'm seeing those qualities really serve me in my. [00:24:00] I'm in my thirties now, so serve me in my older years. And yeah, I am realizing now that my stuttering is the least interesting thing about me that was always at the forefront in my mind.

And it always what was my excuse for not doing things? And now it's just, it's just something that I do. It's, it's not positive. It's, it's not negative. It's just a thing and it can exist. And not have to define who I am or what I do. And to be able to say that confidently, it's, it's still crazy to me.

'cause I still, you know, there's still those moments where you feel like, you know that 10-year-old again and you're like, these types of phrases. Feel impossible to ever say or feel. 

Paige: I mean, that is huge. And you know, you're talking about your younger self. So that really comes to [00:25:00] our final question. You know, you mentioned about as we get older, yes. We tend to learn things along the way that we wish our younger self knew,

so if you could go back and do it all over again, knowing what you know now, what would you tell your younger self?

Kelly: Oh, oh gosh, I love this question. If I could go back and talk to my younger self, I. I would definitely tell her to celebrate her uniqueness and to stop hiding,

Paige: Hmm.

Kelly: making excuses for yourself and for your speech. You, you don't owe anyone fluency. You are allowed to take up space. You are allowed to be yourself, and just that you are smart and that you have so much to offer. And just to never let anyone, especially yourself, tell you [00:26:00] that you can't do something.

 Yeah, I just have so much respect for my younger self and I'm trying now to make her proud and to, you know, do her justice. 

Kelly: And if I could sort of also tell something to my younger self is be curious about yourself. You know, observe yourself, find out what you know, what scares you, what makes you happy, what makes you tick. Really try and test the boundaries of your comfort zone. 'cause you're probably going to surprise yourself. Process and you know, kind of too, no one can do it except you. I mean, I spent years thinking, oh, my doctors are gonna fix me, or, oh, my therapist is gonna fix me. Or, you know, if I get tons of friends, they'll push me out of my comfort zone and they will fix me. And true change really has to come from within [00:27:00] yourself when it comes from really starting.

To just ask yourself the right questions.

And you know, why am I doing this? What is it fear-based? Why do I think this thought about myself? Like, who, who told me that? You know, who told me to think that about myself? Just to be curious and two. Just do baby steps e every day to try and get yourself out of your comfort zone.

'cause you're gonna surprise yourself. I've surprised the heck outta me. And it's been scary and it's been one of the most rewarding experiences I have ever done in my entire life. 

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