Experience a heartwarming trip down memory lane with our dear friend, Jen, as we revisit and reminisce about the early days of our lifelong friendship that began in an unexpected place—a video dating service called Great Expectations. This episode takes you back to the '80s, offering a fascinating glimpse into the world of video dating, and the evolution of matchmaking up to the digital age. Jen, a seasoned matchmaker, shares her firsthand insights into the matchmaking business, and we discuss the challenges of sustaining relationships and the importance of shared values and connection.
Unlock the surprising psychology behind successful matchmaking as we dig deeper into the world of dating. Who would have imagined that people are often attracted to someone more attractive than themselves? How do you maintain a relationship once a successful match is made? We tackle these questions and many more as we explore the distinct nuances of dating. We also delve into the profound impact of gratitude on our overall happiness and the health of our relationships, offering practical tips on how to incorporate daily expressions of gratitude into your life.
In our final discussion, we delve into the ever-evolving gender roles within relationships and the struggle for self-awareness amidst the noise of today's digitally distracted world. Are men and women inherently wired differently when it comes to professional and personal identities? How have societal shifts and the rise of women in the workforce impacted our expectations in relationships? Listen in as we uncover the answers, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, and tackling the challenges of navigating social media and the digital world in relationship-building. This episode is a nostalgic, insightful, and thought-provoking exploration of relationships and self-discovery.
Experience a heartwarming trip down memory lane with our dear friend, Jen, as we revisit and reminisce about the early days of our lifelong friendship that began in an unexpected place—a video dating service called Great Expectations. This episode takes you back to the '80s, offering a fascinating glimpse into the world of video dating, and the evolution of matchmaking up to the digital age. Jen, a seasoned matchmaker, shares her firsthand insights into the matchmaking business, and we discuss the challenges of sustaining relationships and the importance of shared values and connection.
Unlock the surprising psychology behind successful matchmaking as we dig deeper into the world of dating. Who would have imagined that people are often attracted to someone more attractive than themselves? How do you maintain a relationship once a successful match is made? We tackle these questions and many more as we explore the distinct nuances of dating. We also delve into the profound impact of gratitude on our overall happiness and the health of our relationships, offering practical tips on how to incorporate daily expressions of gratitude into your life.
In our final discussion, we delve into the ever-evolving gender roles within relationships and the struggle for self-awareness amidst the noise of today's digitally distracted world. Are men and women inherently wired differently when it comes to professional and personal identities? How have societal shifts and the rise of women in the workforce impacted our expectations in relationships? Listen in as we uncover the answers, highlighting the importance of self-awareness, and tackling the challenges of navigating social media and the digital world in relationship-building. This episode is a nostalgic, insightful, and thought-provoking exploration of relationships and self-discovery.
Hi, jen, hi. So Jen and I for those of you who don't know have known each other since 1985. 1988.
Speaker 2:88. 88, gosh, and it's now 2023, so you do the math long time. And we met at a video dating service called Great Expectations. Other of us were customers. We worked there as salespeople and what was such a cool thing is, I mean, that was like my first probably real job out of college. I was selling office supplies before that and I knocked on their door and Keith hired me and so yeah, yeah, yeah, and we've known each other for 35 years and it's been just a wonderful thing.
Speaker 2:Now, after Great Expectations, I went off to real estate and then became a yoga teacher, then a yoga studio owner, and that kind of catches us up to today. But I left the video dating service business and then, just so you know, a video dating business service back then was you know, we didn't have internet so you couldn't just swipe right and swipe left or whatever happens now. You had to do an interview in front of a video, explain who you were and you know your likes or dislikes and all the rest of that stuff. There were photographs. You had a professional photo shoot and not glamour shots like real nice photos. I'm still friends with David and Mark the photographer, by the way.
Speaker 1:Me too, me too.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then you were in a book with a profile and so somebody would come in and look through the profiles and if they liked you, they'd get your number and vice versa, and then you'd become well, whatever you became. So that was the business back then and I went off to do other things. Jen, you stayed in the matchmaking business and I'd love to hear your story about you know, that choice and that career and how you stayed in it, what you, you know just all about it.
Speaker 1:It was kind of a fluke how I fell into it. At the time I was in hotel sales and I was with the Ramada. I was there for a very long time and then decided I was moving to California, got a transfer with Ramada, I was ready to move, I had everything in line, met somebody here, everything went haywire and my plans changed and I had already resigned my position. So I looked in the paper which is what we did then for for looking for jobs for Juanets, and I saw the great expectations add and it sounded super interesting to me, went in for the interview, they offered me the job and then I declined it because the person that I was seeing was really against it and influencing me to stay in the hotel industry with all the perks and the travel and the this and the that.
Speaker 2:So you wanted to stay in it for what he could get.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, and he wanted me to stay away from the dating service. He was kind of insecure in retrospect, right, right. But at the time I'm like, ah, he's probably right, this is a commission job, this is not as stable as the hotel. But a week into the new hotel job that I got, I hated it and it didn't feel right and I kept thinking about great expectations. So I called Keith, who was the manager at the time, and I, just from a pay phone, I remember going to pay phone and my lunch break at the hotel, Right.
Speaker 2:No cell phones back then.
Speaker 1:Right Talking to Keith and just said I made a big mistake, and I said I really would love for you to give me another opportunity. So he said come back in, blah blah Hired me and it was a good fit really. Right away. And everyone who kept telling me oh, commission, commission, I ended up making more money there the first year than I would have at the hotel and it went up from there. It was a good fit for me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, Do you remember? In the mornings Keith would read like what was it? Ag mandingo, who was it?
Speaker 1:Yes, ag, mandingo, mandingo, I think who was?
Speaker 2:it Ag, mandino, mandino, yeah, and all those other sales guys. And then when you walk in, keith, how are you Best day of my life? Tomorrow's going to be even better. I hope yours is too. I still remember that.
Speaker 1:Do you remember? I have the tiger. They'd play. I have 8.45 on Saturday sales meetings. I have the tiger would be playing. We had to get like pumped.
Speaker 2:My God. And then remember we would all go to the Red Lobster afterwards, right, next to him, we would have long Island ice teas.
Speaker 1:Oh yes, we would, oh boy.
Speaker 2:If I had one of those now, I'd be under the table. I know I'd be asleep for two days. Oh my God, I remember. It was fun though we had a lot of fun, didn't we?
Speaker 1:I mean it was a fun job and at that time, you know, we had a really nice group of people that worked there and I mean, I have lifelong friends. My best friend, Bernadine, you know we met, she worked there.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then Jill.
Speaker 1:Jill.
Speaker 2:Yeah, jill, and then Latia. I'm still friends with Latia.
Speaker 1:Are you?
Speaker 2:That's so nice, we'll send it on Facebook, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, no, it's great, and you know I met lifelong friends and husbands.
Speaker 2:So Husbands plural I do. I guess your old boyfriend has something to worry about.
Speaker 1:Long after we were done.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure, I'm sure, oh gosh, anyway, so you, so you stated it. What happened after great expectations, because we probably lost touch a bit after that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we did, After great expectations they were. They were kind of on a downhill spiral. They changed ownership and things were just really getting bad. Now that was around 2005, I believe.
Speaker 2:So you were there for.
Speaker 1:I was there for 17, 17 years, I think.
Speaker 2:Wow.
Speaker 1:I was there for a very long time and we went through a lot of changes. So then I went to a company called it's just lunch which is still around. They don't have an office anymore. When I worked there they did have an office. I was there about a year and a half. It was just a little bit strange the lady who ran it. Yeah, Anyway, it just it wasn't the greatest place in the world and anyway, that ended up going back to the franchise, franchisee or whatever. So she lost the franchise. So anyway that got sold back to corporate. They still operate. They just do it via the phone. So then what did I do? I started my own. You might not know this. Actually I started my own dating coaching company.
Speaker 2:Really, yeah, what's the dating coach?
Speaker 1:dating consulting. Well, what I realized from working and I still know this now from working in this industry there are a lot of people who need guidance. They need help. They've maybe been divorced after a 30 year marriage, Maybe they're widowed. They're suddenly back in the dating scene and they don't know how to do it.
Speaker 1:They don't know, the right thing to say. They don't know the right thing to where, they don't know how to how to approach dating, and some people just had trouble. So I found there was a real need for this and so I did that for about a year, year and a half. I did that on my own and it was good. It was a good experience. It wasn't completely paying all the bills at the time, but it was a good thing. And then I began at another company, which changed names quite a few times, but it was matchmaking. So everything switched. There was no more video dating, there was no more pictures, even there was nothing like that. It all switched to personal matchmaking. And now, very gratefully, I'm with a company that is very solid. I've been with them for about five years. So I went with this other company and went through a lot of changes. So I'm with a company it's called the Matchmaking Company. That's what we're called nationwide, and so, yeah, still doing it, still doing it.
Speaker 2:And so, with everything being so easy online, what's the need for a matchmaking company? What makes you stand out? Because I can just get on something and swipe or whatever.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's super easy to do, and the problem with online dating for a lot of people who are selective is that you don't know if people are being honest and a lot of people are not. There are a lot of scams. If I could tell you the amount of women and men not just women who got scammed, but men too who got scammed for thousands upon thousands, some people 20,000 plus. These people are slick, they're good, they pretend and they pray on vulnerable people. They pray on widows, widowers, people who are very lonely, who are not savvy, and to the world, to the social aspects of the world, and so they oh, I need, I really want to meet you. They send a picture that's not even them and then they extort money. Oh, I need money, I want to see you, but I'm out of the country right now and I'm stuck and I really need a plane ticket.
Speaker 2:Somebody does that.
Speaker 1:They do it, they do it and it's very sad and it's very tragic and I'm not saying that that's the majority of people online, but it happens.
Speaker 2:It happens and I imagine, once burned, then you are definitely in the market for some other manner of meeting people.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, I would say that I never met face to face that you'd send money to them.
Speaker 1:No, you wouldn't right.
Speaker 2:I'm not even sure I'd send money to somebody I knew face to face. Unless I'd known for a long time, you'd send money to me. Well, I've known you for 35 years. I think you passed the litmus test, but no, I know.
Speaker 1:I know, I know it's very sad. Plus, there are, you know, we background check everyone so we make sure nobody has a felony. No domestic violence, multiple DUIs, blah, blah, blah. So people feel safe. So that's the upside of it is people feel safe, People are investing a lot of money with us. It's not not cheap. It's way more than when you and I were at great expectations.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:So it's a hefty fee that people pay, which works. It's twofold OK. So it's good in the sense that you know everybody's invested, they're serious, they really value finding a good relationship. The other side of it is sometimes, when people spend that kind of money, they think it's like build a bear and they they can design exactly what they're looking for, realistic or not. Well, I spent this money, so I should have this, this, this, this. This is an issue and a problem that's ongoing.
Speaker 2:I'm sure it is. You know, you get some frumpy guy who wants this very attractive woman and I can afford it, I'm like it doesn't always work that way, I know.
Speaker 1:You all lose 150 pounds and gross hair and I know, I know, I know, I know, and so the advice I give all my clients don't ask for more than what you're offering. You know, and for the people who do that, that's great and it's fair and it's reasonable and that can be applied to a lot of things, right.
Speaker 2:But are people realistic in what they're offering?
Speaker 1:Not not a lot.
Speaker 2:So so. So is that a standard conversation you have to have with somebody like I realize you're looking for a Ferrari, but you're kind of a Chevy.
Speaker 1:That's just how I say it.
Speaker 2:Not a Chevy Corvette like a Chevy Malibu.
Speaker 1:You know, like a guy comes in and let's say, you know he's got a big belly, that's fine, but he wants a very slender, attractive, walked out of Victoria's Secret catalog kind of a woman. So I have to gently, tactfully, say, you know, we're kind of a big guy. What do you think about somebody that you know maybe carries a few extra pounds like you? You know you got to be tactful with.
Speaker 2:Do you remember? This is so funny. My cousin Molly worked there for a little while Do you remember that?
Speaker 1:I remember Molly.
Speaker 2:And Molly, so she would. She was straight to the point. And you know, somebody was hesitating about getting about signing the membership and I, if I don't remember I probably don't remember exactly but she said something like look, you're here, you're not out there dating, you're here, just sign the. Just sign the check.
Speaker 1:And you know, I believe there are still reps like that, you know, and that worked. And that worked for her oh my God it worked.
Speaker 2:She closed everybody.
Speaker 1:It was bad for us.
Speaker 2:And they helped a lot of people. But what about like success stories? Because I mean we can sit here and make fun of the people who are, you know whatever, but that's really not helpful. What about success stories? Because there's probably plenty of those too.
Speaker 1:And I don't in any way mean that in making fun, it's just a reality.
Speaker 2:You know it's just I get it. Well, we all want something more than what we have to offer.
Speaker 1:But, yes, there are wonderful success stories and there are people who have gotten married and we get what we call happy holds emailed to us from corporate every single month People who have met. They put their program on hold we used to call it going on freeze, if you recall that with great expectations. So it just means that they're pausing their membership because they met someone and they're happy. And, yes, we do get those stories and that's why I'm still doing it, you know, still doing it for all of the good stories and for the people that you know I am able to help.
Speaker 2:That's amazing, it is. That's great.
Speaker 1:And technically. Technically I did meet my husband Mitch, through great expectations, but he came in for an interview so I technically didn't meet him through the system.
Speaker 2:Did he sign up?
Speaker 1:He did sign up and he still thinks he should have a refund. I said, hey, you've got your money's worth at this point. Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2:He got the extra special service that he didn't pay for. He should be just fine.
Speaker 1:He's fine. Yeah, but the truth of the matter is, yeah, we met through technically, through a work situation, but I still would have never met him had he not walked through that door.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:And he was very, you know, unsure when he did walk through that door and he did try to cancel the next day.
Speaker 2:But you said no, you already paid. Sorry, buddy yeah.
Speaker 1:I've done back in total and I know he would do well and he did, he did, he did.
Speaker 2:Okay, he did better than everybody else.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, you meet people that you might not meet in your everyday life and they're committed. They're spending the money, they're committed. It is important to them.
Speaker 2:Sure, and what do you think it is about? Is it like a human nature thing If I'm with somebody more attractive than me, then somehow I'm better or I'm as good as what do you think the psychology of that is?
Speaker 1:I think that there are two things. I think a lot of people aren't super self-aware. Some people are, some people are not. So I think self-awareness has a lot to do with it. There are people who maybe just feel differently about themselves, as opposed to what the reality is. So I think that's part of it. Some people yeah, I think you're a little bit right when you said maybe for the ego, for the ego, that's a little bit more with men, that's still that way who want the younger, younger, younger, the attractive.
Speaker 2:Men are so much more visual. I mean in what? Just how we're wired. I've tried to unwire that from time to time and go all right. Well, what is this all about? Why is that the way I see the world? And then, as I've aged and my bodies change and all the rest, and my wife is still in love with me, and I'm like I don't see what you see, and it's not what she sees, it's what she feels and it's a different- you grow together and you-. But it's a different animal right.
Speaker 1:It is different. You know what?
Speaker 2:she sees as attractive is very different than what I see as attractive, right.
Speaker 1:We're very hard on ourselves, I think, as humans.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:I mean, I think most of us are, no matter what we look like, no matter how what we take care of ourselves. I think, as a rule, maybe women a little bit more so but I think we're all a little bit harder on ourselves than need be.
Speaker 2:For sure. I mean social media is for sure. I mean any billboard. Walk into Abercrombie and watch these ads for these beautiful people and by these clothes you'll be as beautiful as them. I mean, that's what everybody wants to strive for.
Speaker 1:So unrealistic, so much.
Speaker 2:Completely, they're all their brush anyway.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know. Well, really, you know, I mean, people do that with their photos, they don't, you know. So there's a lot, but there are also truly a lot of people who are very genuine and very kind and very open. So that's another thing. What makes people successful with the matchmaking is they're open. They're not putting everything that they gotta have all these check boxes you know 100 boxes in order to even consider dating someone.
Speaker 1:You know you have to be open because you never know. I mean, when I met my husband and he still rides a motorcycle makes me a nervous wreck. That's not me, you know. I'm not a real super adventurous person. He is like to the nth degree and I thought that was gonna get in the way and we have our little moments about it. But ultimately those are things you get past when you have a connection, when you really connect with somebody, and that's what it's about. You have to be like-minded about your values, your sense of humor, right You're. You know a lot of different things.
Speaker 2:When you help people come together, do you also coach it all in the terms of all right? Now that you met somebody and you guys are dating and you seem to be interested, do you get? Are you involved at all with the? You know the beyond the staying together. The odds of staying together are 60%. You're not gonna. I know right I mean we've both been divorced.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:Right, and so there's. You know we're in the category. It sucks, definitely. Most people can figure out how to get someone, but they don't figure out how to stay.
Speaker 1:How to keep, yeah, how to keep the relationship going. Yeah, I do get involved with that to a degree. We have like kind of separate areas of our company. We have matchmaking. I do the sales end for the most part, but I also have a handful of clients that you know sometimes you form a little bit more of a bond that they really want my help and they want me to be involved. I can't do it with everyone because we have hundreds, but, yes, I do and I do offer them suggestions. Like you say, once they are, you know, in the beginning of a relationship and they're not sure what's going on or they're not sure with this, I love to be able to give that input and I love it when the people are receptive to hearing it and they want to hear it, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, do you ever do that thing? Do you remember? So, for those listening, jen also went through my teacher training and is a yoga teacher at our studio, as well as a part-time gig for you know other set of matchmaking. But I always do this thing that they're. Whenever like I officiate a wedding or do a talk on something you know, I always the three suggestions. Number one thank each other every night for three things that the other person did for you that day. You know it could be simple, like thanks for putting the cap on the toothpaste and toilet seat up or down, or whatever it could be. Something is like thanks for working so hard, or thanks for thinking about me when you made me my tea this morning. You know just something.
Speaker 1:A big tradition is huge, you're right, huge Well, and it's also interesting too is that I was listening to Andrew Hubee.
Speaker 2:you ever listen to Andrew Hubee?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so we was talking about the neuroscience of gratitude and he said gratitude, like journals, are super important, but the real neuro connections happen when you receive gratitude and it's in the receiving of it that has a greater impact in your contentment, leading to greater happiness, than the journal itself, which I thought was really interesting. Because, if you think about it, if I said Jen, you're beautiful, my God, you know, your classes are phenomenal. You're doing such a good job in the world. I love what you're doing. What's your first reaction?
Speaker 1:Heartworm.
Speaker 2:Heartworm. Oh good, because somebody says this to me and I kind of go oh, it's working. I don't know, I have a real hard time taking it in. I have an easy time giving it.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can give it and I like to take it too. Good for you. I mean, I appreciate it. I appreciate it greatly when somebody says something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I totally appreciate it, but I don't. It doesn't go in to me and it takes me a minute to like, receive it. Have it. Go inside, appreciate it. I don't know what that is about my personality. I'm sure somebody listening to this will go oh yeah, well, you're a 12 year old child. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Oh, I think that's sweet.
Speaker 1:I think that means you're humble, you know.
Speaker 2:Maybe or I'm just deranged, I don't know.
Speaker 1:My first thing.
Speaker 2:One of my many issues.
Speaker 1:Heartworms. So maybe I'm not, but no, I mean to me that just would feel good. But you know what I mean, I don't know, I just. But the other side of it, it depends on you know how some people. Have you ever gotten a compliment that you just didn't feel was genuine, like you felt like somebody was just saying something, just to be nice or something I do know the difference between that and that, doesn't.
Speaker 2:Those never feel good.
Speaker 1:Those never feel good. Genuine appreciation is nice.
Speaker 1:And I have to say this, I have to interject the yoga teacher training five years ago now that I went through with you was so life changing in so many ways and it helped with the other you know my main career. It helped with that too, helped in relating to people. It helped in even though I consider myself to be a very compassionate person. Anyway, it doubled, it was more having just a deeper understanding of people and of humans and of feelings. It was just really great and I always say that I would tell Bernadine if I'm having, because you know I'm mildly burned out on the matchmaking. I will admit that. So whenever I teach a yoga class I'm like okay, that just totally made up for my bad week at work.
Speaker 2:I think anybody who's done a job like you and I have done, you know, for this many years- you get a little burned out. You get burned out. It's just you need more vacations and you need to work a little less, but you can do in a shorter period of time more than what somebody else can do in a longer period of time because you get so many years of experience. Right, and same thing with me, and so, but yeah, working a little bit less and staves off the burnout a little bit it does.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and for me teaching it just is such a wonderful balance, so I'm super, super grateful, that's phenomenal.
Speaker 2:I love hearing that. Yeah, I want to get back there to the gratitude part, because I think that you know what people want most for each other is that they're happy. If you're in a relationship, you want your partner to be happy. My wife wants me to be happy, I want her to be happy and the hardest part is, you know, like so when we're laying in bed and I thank her for three things, she'll go oh well, you know it wasn't a big deal and like she'll start to like diffuse it. I'm like no, you have to take it in, you gotta receive it. Stop talking, just receive it.
Speaker 1:Maybe she's like you a little bit with that.
Speaker 2:I think so. I think so. So I've learned to take it in much better when she says thank you for this, that and the other thing, and she has a harder time, which is really the opposite of what I thought would be. No-transcript, huh.
Speaker 1:That's funny and I hope you've heard this. Along those lines of gratitude, I read an article. This was quite a few years back. Daily expressions of gratitude, genuine daily expressions of gratitude, can actually rewire the molecular structure of the gray matter in your brain.
Speaker 2:That's so cool.
Speaker 1:It can make you a happier person. It was an article on happiness from a neuroscience kind of a perspective and it was very interesting and I believe it. You know, because you know how it is if you complain. You know we all get in cycles where we complain. You know, oh, this sucks and this was rough, and then that if you do that too much, you kind of don't feel very good, you don't really feel ultimately very joyful, and so, conversely, when you express that gratitude you know, I think it's very true, I think it's very true it makes you a happier person.
Speaker 2:It does. And it's a really interesting practice too, because how can you be angry at somebody when you go to bed when you just thank them for three things? It just diffuses all of it, and if partners can create that habit, it's really powerful. The second thing is to do one nice, anonymously nice thing for that person. So, like every morning, I make tea for my wife. I mean, she knows this for me, but she doesn't have to ask. I set out her teacup and her tea bag and her lemon and her water, and you know, I just set it up. So even if I'm leaving, it's ready for her when she gets, when she gets up.
Speaker 1:I think that's really wonderful.
Speaker 2:Yeah and it, but it feels good to do because then she knows first thing in the morning. I'm thinking about her rather than just running off to work, and that's very for her, that's very important. And then the third thing is think of three things you're grateful for, you know, because if my happiness is based, I'm in charge of that. Yeah, she can't make me happy, she can make me unhappy, but she can't make me happy, she can't make you unhappy either.
Speaker 2:Sometimes it feels that way but, um, yeah, I mean really, my happiness is my responsibility. And sometimes you go into relationships wanting well, you're supposed to make me happy. It doesn't work that way. You got to make yourself happy.
Speaker 2:You got to make yourself happy first we don't do that and we don't do those three things, I think a lot of relationships fail. I mean, they fail for a lot of reasons, but those are like three kind of pivot points, I think. For a lot of folks that are easy to do, but nobody's like I'm too busy, I'm too tired of them to whatever. Well then you're going to probably have a failed marriage or relationship.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I really like that and I could.
Speaker 2:I could incorporate that into something you should do a workshop on those three things for people staying together, or something for your matchmaking people, I don't know. Very nice, I think people will be on the podcast and they'll learn it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no it's true. I love that. I love that Gratitude appreciation is all so important, and getting out of your own self sometimes is very important too. You have to kind of get out of your own way, you know what I mean?
Speaker 2:Yeah For sure. Well, I think there's years ago my grandfather, when he was alive, was fighting with my uncle and my uncle said you know what the F do you want from me? And my grandfather says I don't want anything from you, I want for you. And I think that that's a really interesting statement. You know, a lot of relationships are what do we want from each other? And very rarely do we do what do we want for each other.
Speaker 2:And I find that when I think about, like Kate and I kind of once a year, twice a year, do a thing like what do we want for each other, we write it down, kind of like a business plan for our marriage, and then we try to help the other person achieve it, and I find that that's really helpful too. Is that mindset? And I mean I feel good about my marriage because we want for each other in a lot of ways. There's times we want from each other, you know, but for each other it's going to be a little of both, but it's very important to be conscious of wanting for the other person.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:Right and obviously, when you know the other, when your partner is happy, that's going to make you happier ultimately.
Speaker 2:Typically yes, when she's happy, I'm happy, and you know, when I'm miserable and she's happy, I'm less miserable. Right Works that way. So tell me how come you wanted to teach yoga? What was the? I mean, it's been five years so I don't remember like your desire to.
Speaker 1:I didn't think I wanted to teach yoga. I went for the. I was only going to do the first half.
Speaker 1:I don't remember that I was only going to do the lifestyle part, because I remember talking to Brandy about it at lunch. I'm like I'm going to go to Brian's teacher training. She's like, do you want to teach? And I'm like, no, no, no, I don't want to teach. I said I just I just want to go through and deepen my practice and learn about the history and all of that. And then obviously which I think maybe is, I'm sure, not not the only person that happened to once you get in and you get so involved want to go all the way through it.
Speaker 2:Sure.
Speaker 1:And teaching started to not sound as scary To me.
Speaker 1:it sounded like absolutely frightening you know, and then when I went through the whole program, you know, yoga is that is my I'm not sure my solace, you know it. Really it grounds me if I and I tell this to my students too just sometimes, if I'm in a mood, you know, or if I'm just frustrated, or even if I'm really tired, I'll get up and I'll do some yoga and I'll move and I'll stretch and I'll I'll instantly almost feel better. You know, it's such a positive thing. So, whoops, so I going through? No, I didn't originally want to become a teacher, but I loved every second of that training. I just did.
Speaker 1:And then, once it was over, I'm like I'm doing my feedback classes. You know, and I remember you wrote, you gave all of us a little booklet to keep notes in at the end of the teacher training and you wrote a little note to all of us and you you wrote in mine you should do your feedback classes. I think people will enjoy taking your classes as a teacher. And I'm like, oh, I'm doing my feedback classes, I'm going to do it. So I just moved ahead and kept going.
Speaker 2:That's awesome. That's awesome and I get so many good. So after our computer system auto generates emails to people for for like reviews, I get so many reviews of your classes specifically. People love what you do.
Speaker 1:Oh, nice to hear.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which is kind of why I never take your classes, because I know they're good.
Speaker 1:Okay, good.
Speaker 2:If I show up in your class one day it's because I've gotten some complaints and I hope I never see you then.
Speaker 2:I hope you never see me too. Sometimes I just want a class. You know, sometimes I just want to take a class. But you know, a lot of times it's it's if I start hearing complaints. I'll come to the class and see what the teacher's doing and and and and be able to give suggestions and so forth. But yeah, it's. But I get so many great compliments from your classes. The students love what you're doing and they just feel very well cared for.
Speaker 1:Oh, I'm so glad. I love them really. They're just a wonderful it's a wonderful community you and Kate have built it is. You've heard that a million times. Thanks, it's the truth.
Speaker 2:Thank you.
Speaker 1:It's a good part of life. You know it's a. It's a really good part of life.
Speaker 2:Thank you, thank you, thank you. I'm going to get back to the dating thing a little bit, though, because, other than the technology, do you think anything else has changed? Do you think people's needs and wants and have things changed in 35 years?
Speaker 1:Not that much as far as people's needs and wants, not that much. I think. There are so many different scenarios. What I see more of now. This is interesting male versus a female. I see men who have lost their wives, not necessarily, you know, 80, 90 year olds, but in 60, 70s they're ready much sooner than women. That is a trend. I've seen change. It used to be, I think, even gosh, I don't know back at great expectations. I think if somebody was widowed, we had to ensure that they'd been widowed at least one year before we would even invite them in for the appointment.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:We don't do that anymore. I've literally enrolled people widowed for one month, but what the case? And I always tell them because they come in and they're like I don't know. I'm sorry if you think this is too soon. I said I'm not judging. There are no rules. You know every situation's different and a lot of times the case is their partner was, their spouse, was ill for a very long time and they were the caretaker, which brings about a lot of stress and anxiety and depression. So they're ready for joy again, you know they're ready for joy.
Speaker 1:But I do see that a little bit, quite a bit more with the men than the women, I think. If I were to make a general statement, I would say that I think a lot of men have a tougher time when a relationship ends being alone than women do. Women tend to be a little more social with their friends, you know, I think I think I don't know if that's part of it.
Speaker 2:I think men are more isolated. I mean, I've got like two or three good friends. I talk to every couple of weeks. I suppose, and certainly nobody I talk to every day other than my wife, my daughter. I think that kind of makes some sense.
Speaker 1:I think it does. I think that's the case, I really do so that I have seen change over the years. People men are.
Speaker 2:And do you think that's just sort of like in the DNA? You know, I feel content and like I'm serving my purpose in the world when my business is doing well, whereas my wife is content in serving her purpose when her family and her other relationships are doing well. I don't pay as much attention to my relationships because my purpose is to go work in my mind, you know, and my wife is to hold the family and support, and in different ways than I do. And do you think that's just a men, women, mars, venus thing?
Speaker 1:To a degree. Yeah, I do. I do because even though women certainly have careers as much as men do these days, that's a big shift for sure. I actually have more educated professional women in my program than men.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 1:And that interesting. It used to be the opposite. So I do. But I do think there are certain, yeah there are certain gender things, that stereotypes, whatever you wanna call them, that are true and I still think for men, you know, they feel like their work it does define them maybe a little bit more.
Speaker 2:You know the breadwinner, you know I know that's all sounds so archaic- it kind of does, but maybe that's just how it is, To a degree to a degree To a degree, to a degree, you know, yeah. There's gonna be gray areas, for sure. For everything.
Speaker 2:You know, but I mean all the men I know. Anyway, their identity is based upon their job. I mean, if I met somebody, well, what do you do? That's just sort of like the very first thing we talk about. And you know, if my wife met somebody, it would probably be like how many kids do you have, right, you know? I mean, which is just a huge dovetail in the computer.
Speaker 2:Fair hobbies you know, yeah, you know. Oh well, we had a vacation, we did this, we did that. I'm like you know what do you do and how do you like your job? And you know, in my mind I'm going how much do you earn and what kind of car do you drive, you know whatever. But I think that that's just kind of in the wiring, I think I do too.
Speaker 1:I think there are certain things that are just in the wiring I just do.
Speaker 2:It's so funny in our times now how we try to unwire the wiring and be more neutral, like men getting rid of some of their masculinity and women getting rid of some of their femininity and trying to find this more, I guess, middle space where we're more equal. But and maybe I'm just a 58 year old white guy but why can't men just be men and women can be women and just sort of align with whatever your alignment is, not with what some societal Not trying to force it, because that's the trend, you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't believe in that either.
Speaker 2:And I'm not saying go back to the 50s where the men were at the women's day at home, barefoot and oh, no, no, no, no. I mean I'm not talking about those gender roles or eliminating them, you know, or bringing those back. Got to a bit.
Speaker 1:No, I agree with you, though I you know, and I think that I just think anytime you force yourself out of who you really are, then I don't think that's the best thing. That's just my opinion. If you naturally evolve, you know, sometimes we change without thinking about it and without thinking, well, I should be more like this. You know, if you think, oh, I should be more like this, I'm going to make myself be more like this, then I think it's not as a genuine flow, you know.
Speaker 2:I think, yeah, I think people are more unhappy.
Speaker 1:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 2:You know, there was a movie and there was this guy, an American guy, and he went to India. He was talking to a guru. He's looking for answers to his problems of his life and he's the guy is like I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know what direction I'm heading in. And the guru stops for a moment and he says stop being who you are not. And that has always stuck with me, because you know when you're gut, when you're not in alignment, if you're listening, you know, and I think that a lot of people sort of pigeonhole themselves into some societal norm and are not and they're being who they are not, or trying to be anyway, and they're miserable, just terribly miserable.
Speaker 1:I think anytime you try to be what you're not, you're going to be disappointed in miserable. You know. I agree 100%, and you know you just you got to. And that all leads to self-awareness, which isn't always easy to have, right I mean, it's not always easy to have, but I do believe the more self-aware somebody is, it's usually and I find that in my interviews at work too when somebody tells me they've done, you know what they've done to grow as a person, genuine good thing. You know, I just always respond to that more, and those are usually the people that are more open in general. So I think it's good, I think you evolve, but you don't force that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think two people are it's. I think everyone is aware of themselves, but they aren't open about sharing that. You know what I mean. They want to hide it because it seems weak or it seems this or that. I think a lot of times, like you know in your gut, when you're doing something you shouldn't be doing right but you do it anyway, for whatever reasons.
Speaker 1:Or you say something that you wish you didn't say, because you know it's not really the right thing to say, but you said it.
Speaker 2:Right, exactly, and the open person will go oh, that was a mistake, I'm sorry you know. Whatever, but there's that I don't know. I think people definitely are aware of themselves, but they won't Maybe I'm wrong, but they don't acknowledge, they don't let anyone know that they know.
Speaker 1:Or they don't dig super deep into that awareness level.
Speaker 2:Yeah, especially with social media and all of our devices. Now it's so easy to not think about it. I mean, how much quiet time do people take anymore to just sit and they dream and be?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's true.
Speaker 2:And be with their uncomfortable thoughts and feelings.
Speaker 1:Right? No, it's very true, it's an addiction. I mean I am guilty of it For my work a lot. I have to constantly be checking my schedule, so I'm constantly looking at the phone. Kids, you know, your daughter is, I think, a year older than my granddaughter and she I don't know about your daughter, but my granddaughter is super.
Speaker 2:Oh, the phone doesn't leave her side. I mean, that's the threat. I'm taking your phone, Shape up child.
Speaker 1:It's a real issue with kids, I think, but I don't know what the answer is.
Speaker 2:It is. It's funny too. Like in my mornings I'll sit out on my back porch, have a cup of tea, and when I'm done with that, I do, I exercise, and then I do some yoga, and then I take a nice bath and that's my morning gig. And if I pick up my phone and go, well, I better check my emails. Seven in the morning, nothing matters. At seven in the morning, oh well, I better see a Facebook. There's any questions for the studio? Well, let's check the weather. Oh, there's a storm. Okay, well, let's go on YouTube and see what's going on. And then I'm gone, you know.
Speaker 1:You found that rabbit hole.
Speaker 2:And it sets you up for the day. Like the whole day, I'm anxiously looking and checking my phone, whereas on the days where I say, all right, I'm not going to touch my phone until eight o'clock, I'm going to have an hour of nothing. I'll check my phone whenever. Without that, without that anxiety feeling.
Speaker 1:Yes, it's more it's. It's peaceful, isn't it, when you can just get out, or get outside and not have the phone, or not? Have it on or whatever.
Speaker 2:It's so, it's just so dumb and it's like just put the phone down, brian, like, and I'm good about 70% of the time, but 30% of the time I'm like you know.
Speaker 1:I know.
Speaker 2:And I hate myself when I do it.
Speaker 1:Well, you're very self-aware.
Speaker 2:Apparently I am, and I'm masculine enough to admit it. With more women in the workforce now than in 35 years ago and more women business owners, and just the glass ceiling raising, do you think that women's expectations have changed?
Speaker 1:Yeah, for sure, for sure, I do. I see women being a lot more particular than they used to be, you know, yes, especially the women who make a lot of money, the women who you know have worked very hard and are highly educated. You know, I always love it when a woman like that comes in and she says because we ask a lot of questions initially and she says she's open on if the guy is educated or not, she's open on if he has a blue collar job or a white collar job, even when she's this high power executive. Love that, because what that tells me is she's looking at the person. She's looking at, not not the statistics of the person. Of course, she still wants somebody financially sound.
Speaker 1:Sure, I like it when they don't, you know, because they do that sometimes, and that's the thing that's that's most difficult for us when it comes to the matching is somebody who's just you know, really. You know, because if you think about it and this is what my boss always says you know they can come in with this list. I want this, this, this and this. Okay, put that down. How do you want them to make you feel? And that is the key, right.
Speaker 2:Sure, that's all of it, really.
Speaker 1:I like it when people you know, yeah, we've got a lot of awesome women, really and and some awesome men too. But I like it when people come in open and and they want that feeling from someone, they want the heart connection you know.
Speaker 2:Is there still like a stigma, like I need help and I'm somehow less than, because I can't do this on my own?
Speaker 1:Sometimes people come in with that, you know they're like more men or women. Both, both really Probably a little more men, probably a few more men, come in with that stigma, yeah, but I always say you know what? You could go online and you could get lots and lots of dates most everyone can, but that you know. People come to us to be more selective, not because it's desperate and can't meet.
Speaker 2:Right, and I guess they probably know that. But they want to be you know, they want to be reminded like you're not a loser, you're still a good person, absolutely. You're just there's a big seed. You want to catch a fish and I'm a fisherman. I'll help you.
Speaker 1:Great, and here you're fishing where the fish are.
Speaker 2:Exactly, and I can tell you where the fish are that you like, so Right.
Speaker 1:It's to make it easier for people who want to be more particular, as long as they're realistic in being particular, you know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's so cool. Yeah, it's rarely boring, I'll say that I'll bet, and I would imagine this is going to be something that is going to be needed for a very long time. This isn't going out of style at all.
Speaker 1:No, we're, yeah, we're increasing the offices we have around the country, so yeah.
Speaker 2:Wow, that's interesting. Do you think, because of the influx of ease, like with social media and apps and other stuff, that the more person-to-person is growing again?
Speaker 1:I do and I also think, since COVID, I think that was a big deal that isolated, as we know, so many people, so many people now are still working from home. That's a big difference for a lot of people. They're not having even the social interaction of going to an office and being with people. So that has really shifted quite a bit. It has. But yeah, no, I agree, I think the person-to-person, the personal matchmaking, people like it because we do all the work. These are busy people. They don't want to sit at a computer or on their phone swiping for hours a day.
Speaker 1:They don't want to do that they want somebody to do it for them.
Speaker 2:That's interesting. I always thought for COVID it was going to either create a lot of babies or a lot of divorces. I think it did both.
Speaker 1:It did both. I think it did both.
Speaker 2:Now I would imagine yeah, that's got to be great for your business now because, well, for so many reasons, like you just said, that's very cool. What's the name of the company?
Speaker 1:The matchmaking company.
Speaker 2:Okay, and then what office are you located in?
Speaker 1:I'm in Birmingham.
Speaker 2:Got it, that's got to be a great location.
Speaker 1:It is. It's a real nice location.
Speaker 2:Is it real geographic? If you're in a Birmingham office, you're mostly getting Birmingham people, or is it?
Speaker 1:No, not at all. We get, I would say about bless you. We get, I'd say, about a 50-mile radius from the Birmingham office, and then we have an Ann Arbor office as well.
Speaker 2:Got it.
Speaker 1:But yeah. So no, it's not just Birmingham people, it's Macomb County, Oakland.
Speaker 2:I'm not throwing shade on Birmingham people, I just figured it was geographic in nature.
Speaker 1:I know, I know Very cool yeah it's nice. It's a lovely office, it's in a good you know, it's nice.
Speaker 2:Cool, cool. That's awesome. And then do you guys ever do social things with your customers, like create events and things.
Speaker 1:We used to do that, as you recall, at Great Expectations. We used to do a lot of social events for the members. But no, we do not do that anymore.
Speaker 2:Got it.
Speaker 1:I've done that, and probably since then.
Speaker 2:Probably. Yeah, it's a long time.
Speaker 1:It's pretty much the one-on-one matching, you know, and we only match people one at a time. We're not like saying here's three this week and here's four next week. You know, we're doing one at a time and then we get their feedback, you know, which is real important too.
Speaker 2:Cool, it's nice that they're so open about that. I mean, I would think people would be quite guarded. And oh, it just didn't work out and walk away rather than well, no, this is why it didn't work out Well and.
Speaker 1:I tell them in our interview because that's part of our success rate as people who are giving us good, honest, direct feedback, because we don't know how to proceed otherwise. If they just say ah, I wasn't my type, well, why? What does that mean? In what way? What was it right? Got to dig a little Cool.
Speaker 2:Cool. Is there anything else you want to talk about or bring up or say about the world of your world?
Speaker 1:I can't think of anything. I think we covered a lot. I can say that I'm back to the gratitude. I am grateful to have my career in matchmaking. I'm grateful to teach yoga. I'm super grateful to have both and they kind of balance each other out.
Speaker 2:That's kind of nice. Well, it's nice having like a passion project that, yeah, there's the daily ground of your business and you've been doing it a long time and you know that's going to happen for everybody at some point. You know it's not like we're always going to walk into work and go ah, that's the best day of my life. I hope I'm even better. I hope I use this too.
Speaker 1:I don't think I've ever said that.
Speaker 2:Every day you would say that. But I think the two like having that passion side of what you do. Yoga is really. It kind of balances that out. I think more people need their passion projects. When I coach, sometimes I'll say well, you're working all these hours. You know, the minute you leave your job there's just going to be another name on the door. What are you dedicating yourself for? And you know why not do something for yourself. And when you do that, I think that it makes people more well-rounded and then they have the patience that they need, for you know the mundane of their day job.
Speaker 1:Absolutely. I agree with you. It's so good to be able to do something for yourself that motivates you. It makes you feel happy, you know.
Speaker 2:For sure.
Speaker 1:It sounds so corny and simple, but it's the truth.
Speaker 2:You know it's really important. It is.
Speaker 1:Cool.
Speaker 2:So again for matchmaking. What's the name of the game?
Speaker 1:The Matchmaking Company.
Speaker 2:Matchmaking Company and you're in Birmingham, michigan, and they have a website.
Speaker 1:Yes, the matchmakingcompanycom.
Speaker 2:Cool. And then for yoga. Jen does private lessons.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:And you can reach her through Red Lotus Yoga redlotasyogacom and we will connect you to Jen if you want privates or groups or any other kinds of things that she might want to get her hands on.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:Cool. Well, Jen, thank you so much. I love doing this.
Speaker 1:Thank you. I had so much fun talking with you and I appreciate you.
Speaker 2:I appreciate you more. Thank you Very good. Talk to you soon. Good-bye.