Fostering Family Connections: Margit Royce's Transformative Mother-Daughter Bonding Program
Apr 12, 2024
Brian Granader
When my daughter's journey into adolescence began, I found myself navigating uncharted territories of parenting. It was Margit Royce's program for mother-daughter bonding that brought a beacon of light to our family, fostering growth, confidence, and a deeper connection. Today, I'm thrilled to share that very conversation with Margit on the Origins Podcast, where we unravel the intricate tapestry of her transformative rites of passage for girls aged 10 to 13. This episode is a profound exploration of the ways in which this program reshapes young women's self-perception, leadership abilities, and familial relationships, as well as my own personal revelations and the unforgettable bond it cemented between my daughter and me.
Transitioning into adolescence can be as bewildering for parents as it is for their daughters. As we discuss time-honored cultural traditions like Sweet 16 and Quinceañeras, we realize that while these rites mark important transitions, they don't always align with every young girl's personal journey. Margit and I dissect the importance of providing structured support during this formative time. We also delve into Red Lotus Yoga's Father-Daughter Heart-to-Heart Communication Program, a five-week course that champions open-hearted dialogue, free from judgment. Whether you're a parent seeking to fortify your family ties or simply interested in the power of communication, this episode offers valuable insights into nurturing strong, enduring bonds through the artful dance of conversation.
When my daughter's journey into adolescence began, I found myself navigating uncharted territories of parenting. It was Margit Royce's program for mother-daughter bonding that brought a beacon of light to our family, fostering growth, confidence, and a deeper connection. Today, I'm thrilled to share that very conversation with Margit on the Origins Podcast, where we unravel the intricate tapestry of her transformative rites of passage for girls aged 10 to 13. This episode is a profound exploration of the ways in which this program reshapes young women's self-perception, leadership abilities, and familial relationships, as well as my own personal revelations and the unforgettable bond it cemented between my daughter and me.
Transitioning into adolescence can be as bewildering for parents as it is for their daughters. As we discuss time-honored cultural traditions like Sweet 16 and Quinceañeras, we realize that while these rites mark important transitions, they don't always align with every young girl's personal journey. Margit and I dissect the importance of providing structured support during this formative time. We also delve into Red Lotus Yoga's Father-Daughter Heart-to-Heart Communication Program, a five-week course that champions open-hearted dialogue, free from judgment. Whether you're a parent seeking to fortify your family ties or simply interested in the power of communication, this episode offers valuable insights into nurturing strong, enduring bonds through the artful dance of conversation.
Speaker 1:
hey friends, it's Brian Grenadier from Red Lotus Yoga and this is the origins podcast, and I'm here with Margit Royce, and Margit has been very influential in my family, with my wife and daughter specifically, and she has this amazing program that's going to be coming to Red Lotus Yoga and I wanted to interview Margit and have her explain to you who she is and what she does and how your young daughters might benefit from this program. So, margaret, welcome to the Origins Podcast.
Speaker 2:
Thank you. Thank you so much. I'm so glad to be here and answer all the questions. And I'm so glad to be here and answer all the questions and for the community to get to know me Cool.
Speaker 1:
Well, tell me a little bit about what it is. What is this program you do and who does it benefit, and how does it benefit them? That's a lot, so talk as long as you like.
Speaker 2:
All right. This program is for mothers and daughters. Daughters are between ages between the ages of 10 and 13. I've been doing this for about six years. My daughter did it. She's now 23, over 10 years ago, about 13 years ago.
Speaker 2:
So I just found it beneficial and I just continue to learn and grow and wanted to know all about this dynamics of mothers and daughters and this bond that I think all mothers know that there is, but we just don't know how. We're kind of like, we're kind of anxious about it and wanting to learn about it. We just don't know how. So that's how I came upon it and just been wanting to learn about it. Now I'm at the point in my life where I just want to share it with with everyone. I just find so many benefits from the moms and the parents that see their daughters just blossoming right in front of them and to see the girls, especially post the pandemic, with all the grief and the sadness that they're carrying, that I can create a space where they feel safe and can talk about these kinds of things.
Speaker 1:
That's amazing. And what is it about this specific age that you are doing this kind of work the girls 10 to 13?
Speaker 2:
Well, this is an age where they're going we would say they're going through puberty, but it's really a time that they're becoming a woman.
Speaker 2:
Everything is changing and we don't really have any kind of rites of passage in our culture where this ancient cultures had this time for girls and boys and found it very, very important.
Speaker 2:
And when you look at these cultures that have these kinds of transitions, where the tribe, the community, is looking at the child and supporting them and teaching them all of these things about becoming a woman, not only about their bodies, but the spirituality practice, the relationships, marriage, fertility, children there is a meaningful place for them in the tribe so they don't feel alone, they feel supported, Their're self-esteem, they have a lot of confidence.
Speaker 2:
They don't even have body issues or dealings with violence in these cultures, because I believe that each child understands that they're a part of something bigger, and I can see it in just the transitions of those four weeks, five weeks that I see with the girls, and even some of the parents say like wow, what's going on? Because she just grew two inches taller and and actually when my daughter was was going to the program, her teacher was like what's happening at home? And I'm like I'm like why? And she's like, all of a sudden, your daughter is just like she's got leadership skills and she's leading the classroom, and there's this confidence, confidence and it's just happening overnight. And so I feel that that that is just really important and it's what a lot of these girls are seeking, not alone, especially the mothers, because we didn't have that kind of rites of passage growing up too.
Speaker 1:
Right and for a lot of women that age, girls that age, they didn't even have a lot of parental help. It was you know. This is how to handle your period and good luck.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, it was basically you know, the video or the book, and it's basically just physiology or biology. You know, here's your uterus and this is what happens and this is what you do. But when really there is this huge transformation happening, like it's huge, like you just want to capture it because that is really going to become the foundation for the rest of their life of how they feel about themselves, their bodies, their relationships, how they feel, you know, importance in their roles and their families, and and and studies show over and over again that this is, you know, this is going to set them off to who they're going to marry and what kind of jobs they're going to carry, and so it's just a really pivotal point that we don't really talk enough about in our culture.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I noticed, like with my daughter as she was leading up to going through and then finishing the program, it was a huge transformational time for her, in a very positive way, you know. She just was, yes, she was more confident, she was more comfortable with her body, she was more openly communicating with my wife Kate a little bit less with me at that point because you know, this is stuff that daughters and daddies are not supposed to talk about, or she didn't want to talk about it anyway but there was even a like in part of the program I don't know if you're going to do it in this next session, but there was a part where dads can come in and and there was a daddy daughter experience and that was really cool. I felt like she and I communicated in a way where I could tell her how proud I was of her and how, you know, impressed I am with her and just what a beautiful young woman she's turning into. And it was this chance to communicate in this way that you know, at the end of the day, you just don't do typically very often, and it was a really nice. It opened a door for us to communicate in a different way.
Speaker 1:
I think it was very sweet and and it was good for me as the father, to recognize her, as you know, as a full human being, uh, as she turns into a woman. And it you know because in my family, which was all males and you know, except for my mom and all my cousins were men. And you know because in my family, which was all males and you know, except for my mom and all my cousins were men, and you know everything else this wasn't talked about, there was no reason to talk about it.
Speaker 2:
And then, when it came up, you know I was like I don't want to know.
Speaker 1:
Which I think a lot of dads kind of have, that and um, but it's nice. I think it was nice for my daughter to actually receive support from me, um, in that sort of unexpected way and and I think that was a very cool uh, byproduct of this of, of, of, of what we did, um, uh and I, and I still feel like it had long-lasting effects. She's 13 and a half now and she doesn't really have body image stuff. She's really comfortable with herself At least to me, from what I can observe at this age. She's more secretive and she spends more time alone and quieter and she's on her phone with her friends and doing all this stuff. But I think that's a byproduct of what you taught. What's the origin of this program? Where did it come from?
Speaker 2:
This program was birthed by a sisterhood called Changing Woman Sisterhood that I was a part of for many years, starting in 2013. And it's a beautiful sisterhood that was created by two women and been around for over 25 years and some of the women their daughters were asking about like, what do you do? And they could see that they were going through puberty. So two of the women put it together and it has changed over hands through the years. And when Ella was in it, it was by one of the founders and they were getting older and I just I always wanted to poke my fingers and sit in the room and and get to know. I read all their books and asked all the questions and then continue to.
Speaker 2:
So I ended up going to Australia and taking workshops on, you know, blood rights, learning how to do ceremonies and just really diving into it more, and started to help out in the class. And then they were getting ready to retire, so she handed it off. They were getting ready to retire, so she handed it off. So that's how it kind of it, but it's in a huge lineage of women that do this kind of work, that know the importance of rites of passage and have also experienced rites of passage as adults, because it was something that, as women, we missed, and so it is. You can catch up with it during, and we all have done that. Yeah, it feels like there's a lot of it during, and we all have done that.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, it feels like there's a lot of rites of passage that just don't exist. I mean, I suppose a sweet 16 is something, or what is the Hispanic one?
Speaker 2:
Oh, chingos something.
Speaker 1:
Yes, I understand, Like kaisara, yes yes, something I suppose that is, or a baptism, but those usually kids, are pretty young and they don't really have a sense of it. But as as as as my daughter was turning, you know, going through puberty she was she had enough self-awareness to know that she was going through a transition and there was nothing for her about that other than probably being self-conscious and, you know, embarrassed and you know, whereas my wife was very helpful with her, but again, it was a lot of mechanics, because that's what she knew, you know.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I mean we might say, like a driver's license might be a rites of passage. You know drinking in high school. So if there is not a, a, a rites of passage by the community with the adults you know witnessing them going through this transformation then the children are going to create their own rites of passage with drinking, you know, by having sex at early ages, thinking I'm an adult now and just trying to like, trying to create themselves being an adult in ways that they see adults being adults. So those kind of behaviors will work through. The children will work on those. Instead of just being seen by the family, I'd rather your program than the drinking and sex in high school.
Speaker 2:
Yeah, I do too. Uh, um, but it is, it's, it's everywhere. I mean the kids will, they will do it on their own, they will create those and, um, you know, I was a child of the eighties. I saw that and I was a part of that too.
Speaker 2:
Sure sure, I didn't have that myself, and so I knew. Once I had a daughter, it was like I'm going to do something different. But I had no idea what I was talking about, and so I just kept praying and imagining that there was going to be something different for my daughter when I was raising her. And so these women literally came in the right time of my life, when I was ready and she was ready yeah.
Speaker 1:
That's amazing. Are there any? Is there? Is there like a profile for your, the people that do this, this program? Is there a? Besides having a daughter ages, you know, 10 to 13,? Is there any other requirements? Or even people who are like, oh, the reason I want to do this is, is there a common reason for this?
Speaker 2:
community to help support them. The girls don't have to be having their period. Some do, some don't. There's no requirement at all for this program. If not, they're always learning from each other because we sit in circle. We'll sit in circle like four times and we do a lot of sharing. So they begin to learn from each other. But no, there's no requirements, just curiosity. And sometimes girls like to have friends with them. I don't think that's always. You know, there's pros and cons to both. Yes, they get to go into a place where they feel comfortable, but a lot of times the moms won't, you know, register their children because they don't have friends. But then you're kind of hurting yourself an opportunity to make new ones and to grow and for mom to be supported. So that's also a huge the moms and the dads to be supported in the program.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, I mean most parents think, oh, this will be great for my kid. But the reality is, for the parent, it teaches you a new language in which to speak to your child about this transitional time. Fathers mostly the moms, because that's probably where your daughter is going to go to most, but for the dads too, how do you talk about this and how do you feel about it and what's to be expected? Talk about this and how do you feel about it and what's to be expected, Because a lot of dads are just going to be, like you know, wife or mom. Please take care of this. I don't want to talk about it at all.
Speaker 2:
The dads is like my favorite. I know all the moms just want to be like a fly on the wall when it's happening. We meet twice. We meet with the dads only and then we meet with the dads and the daughters. And the dads have a little bit of homework to do.
Speaker 2:
But it's wonderful to see if you could just observe, like you have the dads and their daughters and and you know, the girls are kind of embarrassed and they got to introduce their dads and they're just kind of like, and then you know, after the end of the day, you know after the two hours, the body language is just so different After the exercise they're like hanging on their dad, they're like hugging them and everyone is smiling and it was just like because, dads, you know, we rarely have those opportunities where, unfortunately, where we can really just share our heart and how we really see them and want to speak, share our heart and how we really see them and want to speak from our heart of how much we love them, and this gives them an opportunity to do that in such a safe space and it's just it's one of my favorites it's just the body language of the girls and the dads is is a wild and and see the dads just and talking from their heart. Like how many opportunities you get to do that? Not many.
Speaker 1:
Not many. Yeah, it was a pretty cool thing for me, but I really thought that was a very nice benefit because, like once as a father, once you've opened that door, that you can have that kind of communication with your daughter or your child, where it's not just you know.
Speaker 2:
You get your backpack.
Speaker 1:
Yeah, without just telling them how to live their lives and doing right what they're doing wrong. This is a different kind of communication and, uh, and if you hadn't opened that door for me, I don't know that it would have ever been opened. I mean, it would have just been this sort of gap between my daughter and myself, because we didn't even know that that door existed. You know, and I think a lot of dads maybe feel that way, I, I mean, I consider myself a pretty sensitive, intuitive guy, but, um, I would imagine that a lot of dads, like you know, just don't know I mean we're really that is such a, this, such a.
Speaker 2:
I mean no one is, we don't even go there, it's, it's, uh, you know, if the girls are just getting you know the real and the pad, you know, at that time of transition, I mean the parents aren't getting anything, especially the fathers and and this is.
Speaker 2:
This is a, this is the man who she's in love with. This is like the first man that she'll ever be in love with and, um, you know she's in love with. This is like the first man that she'll ever be in love with and you know she's going to test you. Do you love me how much?
Speaker 1:
do you love me?
Speaker 2:
And it means really understand that that that is normal and it can be so sweet, just so, and especially as they grow older. I see my daughter now, you know, going into her her, you know adult years, but in my my husband did this with her back when, when she was 10, and how sweet that is and how how he loves that Like, he loves that part of of like. He can you know, especially when it gets to college and business and things that I'm just not he, that's his like. He can share all of that with her from his heart, like he knows how to speak from his heart now right um, and he's not afraid.
Speaker 2:
It's not afraid because I think a lot of men are afraid or they don't even know how, and right it's.
Speaker 2:
One thing about the circle is that we learn how to listen with our hearts and we learn how to speak from our hearts and you can tell, like you could tell the people that are wanting to. They're in their head and they're wanting. I'm going to say this and I'm going to say this, and then it's like, no, that doesn't that, that's not here, we're not here to tell stories, and it's like we need to speak from our heart.
Speaker 2:
And when they speak from their heart, it's it's way to learn this communication with our children and and it takes practice and I I mean my kids are adults now and we sit you know we're going to have a powwow tonight and it's like we're having a fam chat where we can do it on zoom, but we know that there's a talking stick and we each have our turn and we speak from our heart and we listen and there's no advice. We're not giving judgment, we're not telling them what to do, so they have a safe space with their parents, who they love, that are able to speak and we can hear with our heart help a young girl as she transitions, but it helps the parents, the father, the mothers as well.
Speaker 1:
Plus, it opens lines of communication and it has lasting effect.
Speaker 2:
Oh yeah, I mean not bad.
Speaker 1:
That's a pretty good package.
Speaker 2:
Just learning how to hold the container, because we're not really, we don't really know how to listen and we're so distracted from from I mean it's just, it's everywhere. So, um, just how to learn how to hold it and for your kids, and I mean it's gonna be. It's not easy being a parent, it's not. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done. But hold it and letting go and, um, yeah, I get it, I get it, I love it.
Speaker 1:
So when are we doing this at Red Lotus Yoga? When are we doing this?
Speaker 2:
We're thinking about doing it starting in the middle of September. It'll probably go for about four to five weeks to see how we can fit in all of the classes. There's usually about four classes with the girls. I meet with the moms by themselves, the fathers by themselves, and then we do the father-daughter, and then we do the father-daughter, and then we do the mom and the daughter at the very end, which is so sweet, it is just beautiful. So yeah, so it'll take about five weeks or so to get all of those in. We don't have the specific dates yet, but it's out there.
Speaker 1:
And how long is each session last?
Speaker 2:
about two hours yeah, with the you know it's. It's about an hour of you know instruction, but we just kind of flow with it. A lot of it is just getting comfortable, learning from each other, sharing and and just you know and and their attention span. So there's some eating and some crafts and things like that that they can. That they'll be working on too, but yeah, Phenomenal.
Speaker 1:
And then, how do people sign up for this? Will they do this through Red Lotus or through you directly?
Speaker 2:
I don't know, we didn't.
Speaker 1:
Well, we'll work that out. We'll work that out, yeah, so what I'm going to do is I'm going to publish this out and then say if you're interested, I'm going to have them email me and then we'll start to create a list and then price what does it cost?
Speaker 2:
It was four hundred dollars for the whole, for the whole thing. Well, we didn't talk about price, but also, if they have any questions, if they want to like contact me, if email me, if you want to ask questions. I know like the sex thing comes up, I don't talk about that. The girls want to talk about it all the time, but that's just not part of the program. So that's one of the questions that comes up with moms a lot, and so some other questions.
Speaker 1:
They might have Got it and I'll include questions they might have, and I'll include when in this post.
Speaker 1:
I'll include your email address as well, that'd be, great, just so they can communicate with you directly as well, which is great, and then we'll, as we, as we get closer, we'll, start to promote this more and get the word out and tell people you know, sign up, and most likely they'll sign up through Red Lotus and then you know, that way the credit card information, it's all in one spot and we can email them regularly and all the rest of that stuff and we'll share the info. Alright, great. Anything else you want to add about the program and what you do with this?
Speaker 2:
No, if you have any questions, let me know. I was a mother. I didn't know this stuff before I had, um, you know, before I had a daughter, and it is. It's literally changed my life, not only with me personally and having that support for myself to do my own work at that time and continuing, but my whole family, the way I hold space for my children, the way we can have these heart to heart dialogues to see my husband and my daughter, my son and my, my husband, my son. It's just like it's. It's just it's changed everything about who I, who I am and how I experience life.
Speaker 1:
I love it. I love it, love it. I'm so glad you're going to share this and we'll we'll stay updated and tell the people. We'll tell people about it, and then I'll send you a copy of this too, okay.