Before You Cut Bangs
Hosted by Laura Quick and Claire Fierman, “Before You Cut Bangs” is full of hilarious conversations about real life, common and uncommon crises, and possible cosmetic errors that come along with it. Through storytelling and therapeutic wisdom, Claire and Laura share how to NOT fuck up your hair (and life) while walking through similar situations,
Produced by Will Lochamy
Before You Cut Bangs
22. Embarrassing Moments: From Cringe to Uncontrollable Laughter
Join us on this (Claire can't stop laughing out loud) episode of "Before You Cut Bangs," where Laura and Claire dissect all things embarrassment. We uncover the anatomy of those mortifying moments through listener stories like Amanda from Atlanta, whose dog left a little surprise in Home Depot, and Melissa from Nashville, who accidentally sent a cringe-worthy screenshot to her former boss. Laura and Claire discuss the fleeting nature of embarrassment and how these moments often turn into the funniest stories to share later on.
Laura and Claire dive into the power of humor as a coping tool, sharing their hilarious mishaps, including unblended bronzer and Will's inappropriate family dinner jokes. All while highlighting the strength of self-deprecating humor in diffusing awkward situations and building stronger connections.
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick and I'm Claire Fehrman. I am a professional storyteller and I'm currently working on my first book.
Speaker 2:I have worked in mental health for many years in lots of capacities and this is a really important time to tell you our big disclaimer this is not therapy. We are not your therapists or coaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very much at all, unless you want to and it turns out well, then you can trust us, that's great.
Speaker 2:All right. So today's topic is embarrassment, and we polled you, we asked you questions and we're here to talk about that. We're going to read some stories, give our opinions and hopefully, give you some takeaways of what to do when you feel embarrassed and why you feel embarrassed. So before we just jump in, we're just going to define embarrassment. Yes, and in its simplest form, embarrassment is when you worry about the perception of what somebody else might think. That's the most straightforward definition.
Speaker 3:I would just say that would be like insecurity. But I guess embarrassment is a form of insecurity.
Speaker 2:It is, and embarrassment is pretty fleeting, except when you think about it like 2 am when you wake up and you're like that one time in seventh grade God damn it, why did I do that thing? But it doesn't like embarrassment wouldn't define your life, where shame might, and everyone's version of what embarrasses them could be different, while we have like common threads. It might be like if I look a certain way, I might feel embarrassed, or if I say something stupid I might feel embarrassed. But we're gonna discover those. If you poop your pants at the pool, you might feel embarrassed.
Speaker 1:We know someone who pooped their pants to the pool once.
Speaker 3:Uh will loves poop pants stories I don't, but I did love that one and this.
Speaker 2:This episode isn't full of bodily dysfunction, but I imagine we might get one all right, we want to kick it off with stories.
Speaker 1:Let's do it, okay. So amanda from atlanta writes in and tells us that she once took her dog to Home Depot just to grab something. Really quickly Was walking down the screw aisle when her dog took a shit right in the middle of the aisle. She felt wildly embarrassed.
Speaker 3:Is this a service pet. You can take any dog to Home.
Speaker 1:Depot.
Speaker 3:Really.
Speaker 1:It's a dog-friendly situation.
Speaker 2:Home Depot is Glenda goes.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:So Amanda is walking her dog through Home Depot to grab just something really simple household stuff. The dog had just gone outside but somehow takes a shit in the middle of the screw aisle. She looks around panicking. She sees that there are those little clear bags that you can put your screws in. So she has to pick the shit up with the clear bag and then takes the walk of shame out of home depot with a bag of shit. With a bag of shit she's like I've never been back to that home depot again that dog didn't ask where the restrooms were at all never, never even asked hardware.
Speaker 1:That's where I should go, or the screw aisle wow, he's always coming in with like the worst jokes.
Speaker 3:Sorry, I'm just kidding so yeah, I've never heard it referred to as the screw aisle.
Speaker 1:It's just funny I'm sure that's probably not what it's officially called. Get over yourself, it's hardware the screw aisle okay, and so she said her level of embarrassment was she got the hell out of there. She doesn't want to go to that home depot ever again. But it was funny. She felt like it was funny. She thinks about it. It's like a story she shares at a party you know what?
Speaker 2:I don't think I'd be embarrassed, I wouldn't fucking stress, though I'll tell you that much oh, I bet I'm sure she was stressed. I can imagine like I would have started started sweating a little bit.
Speaker 3:I think she was sweating. Take doggy bags with you when you take your dog somewhere she said she had just taken him out.
Speaker 1:So she had just taken the dog out, so she was like he had just gone to the bathroom I don't anticipate my dog to poop indoors, so I probably wouldn't have correct me neither.
Speaker 1:I mean okay, melissa nashville said that one time she went through a very tumultuous breakup with a boss, meaning the boss even sued her and some of her teammates. So it's very, very bad. A little bit of time had passed and the previous boss had posted on LinkedIn and changed his title to visionary leader and one of the girls who had previously worked at the company screenshot it to send it to melissa in nashville but accidentally sent it to the boss, and so she sent a screenshot of his profile with his new title and then underneath it it said, quote visionary leader. And then she sat with it for a second and decided to send a follow-up text that just said hope you're doing well. I thought that was proud of you, buddy way to go.
Speaker 1:Congratulations on really leveling up to that visionary leader spot I love an accidental text, not personally.
Speaker 2:Would you have one actually?
Speaker 1:yeah, oh I've done an accidental text too, but yours is the best one of the best stories ever, yeah, thank you, amanda, for bringing this to our attention.
Speaker 2:Um so, I very recently had a text exchange that I didn't accidentally send the wrong text, but let me set the scene. So I was in pilates, which is like my number one self-care, and I do wear an apple watch and I did not put it on. Do not disturburb for this one hour of Pilates. And I start getting these texts that come through and I get this text that reads hey, claire, we hope you enjoyed your first free spray. When you get a chance, could you upload your card information at the link below and immediately I'm annoyed. So backstory I got a spray tan the week prior.
Speaker 1:I also Love a spray tan.
Speaker 2:Love a spray tan. You know, what, and the nice gentleman helping me who said like his shirt said something like spray tan, connoisseur or something had suggested that I also use a tanning bed, which I had not done in 20 years, but it was going to really help set that tan.
Speaker 1:You know what he didn't do? Phone a friend. I told you afterwards Because I would have said absolutely not.
Speaker 3:Isn't that weird having a guy being the spray tan connoisseur?
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, are you being sexist right now?
Speaker 3:No.
Speaker 1:He.
Speaker 3:It seems like it'd be a little creepy. No, I don't know. It seems like that should be.
Speaker 2:His color wasn't say um, but whatever. I did. So just background, I had sprayed recently and I had gone in a tanning bed. So I get this message that I I need to upload my card and I said, hi, I can, but I did not get a free spray. Just fyi. The response your spray on 429 was on us. Then I'm pissed. No, I have the receipt. After I paid, they said I could have a free one later on in the month. The response oh weird, we don't have your card on file, so don't have a way to charge you. Where did you see the receipt? I'm fuming now.
Speaker 1:Okay, and I'm also like leaving Palat.
Speaker 2:I just get off the reformer and I'm like listen, pal. And here goes my explanation. Basically, I went in for a single spray and tanning bed, then asked about membership. So I was signed up for a membership. They said a free spray would be added to my account for the month of May. I was also told I'd be charged on May 25th. I feel I've been misinformed. And then he says Claire, I'm so sorry, this is Birmingham mosquito control. Our sprays are to kill your mosquitoes. Although I'm sure your tan looks great. And I said I'm laughing so effing hard. And he responds with honestly the same. This is the best thing ever. Hopefully, after our treatments you won't need spray tans because you can tan in your yard, bite free.
Speaker 1:Which that customer service I mean it's next level I made me want to call these people and have them come out to my house. I live in common, but yeah, I'll pay the fee. Bring them out here. How much will it cost? Bring. I love your customer service. That's so hilarious. When you sent that to us, I was dying oh yeah, there's.
Speaker 3:We're lucky there was nothing in my mouth, because I would have spit it out. I was laughing so hard I wish the guy's name was on here. The person's name was on here to give them major shout outs well birmingham mosquito.
Speaker 2:If you're in the birmingham area, excellent customer service from birmingham mosquito control now.
Speaker 1:Have you been tanning in your yard now or no?
Speaker 2:actually yeah not a single bite, but I wasn't. I was embarrassed, but I was laughing so hard at that point and he handled it so well, which I think is part of softening embarrassment. Yes, like, and I was, I was actually equally embarrassed that I was rude right, because he was just trying to do his job you weren't rude you weren weren't being direct, but I don't think you're being rude.
Speaker 3:The way you just described the story about how you were upset really didn't come across terribly in the actual text. You were just being a matter of fact, like no, actually I paid here's, I have the receipt and whatever. It's really really funny.
Speaker 1:So I have one from the archives that's pretty mortifying. Definitely lives rent free and every year around this time of year it pops up in my memories on like social media. So it popped up the other day and I was like I'm going to screenshot that and use it for this episode. There is a photo from right when I started the magazine, so let's call it 2016. Very, I don't know, it was springtime, because it pops up this time of year.
Speaker 1:I take my staff, like four of my staff members, and we're going to this restaurant opening downtown. Everybody was super excited about it. The chef's there, he meets us, the photo's actually with the chef and, like my staff, we get inside, they usher us in and if you're in the media business, you of know, like if you're going to openings like that, they roll out the red carpet because they really want you to talk good about them. Obviously and of course we were planning to we sit down, we're sat with like your kind of community sitting seating. When you go to these things, it's just like sit wherever and they're just bringing out the food. It's delicious.
Speaker 1:I up, I go to the ladies room. I'm wearing a really cute gray pleated skirt. It's very flowy. It's short and a blazer. I come out of the bathroom and I see everyone I know I make my rounds in the restaurant. I am like grinning and gripping and kissing babies. There were no babies, but if there were, imagine it. I get back to the table and the table that I'm seated at, the chef's wife is sitting at the table and she looks at me and she says hey, I know we've only just met, but I want to let you know that your skirt is tucked into your thong. The thong was highlighter yellow. I had a whole ass cheek out.
Speaker 2:How do you feel? Well, I think the skirt was already short.
Speaker 1:The skirt was flowy too, so it doesn't like cling to your body. You can't actually feel it because it was just kind of like flowing. So we're. I'm going to tell you every time it pops up I feel embarrassed again and I laugh Obviously. I think it's funny. I think that my gift to the world is I like to make fun of myself quicker than anyone else can. So I was like, oh my God, mortified and the woman laughed. We laughed, but I was like we got to get the hell out of here right now. I was like we're leaving. It's over. Thank you so much. That's like yeah.
Speaker 3:So good but also so bad, but truly everyone enjoyed that. That's a fun thing for everyone involved. I'm sure you tanned before.
Speaker 2:oh yeah, you know how nice spray tan, not really go anywhere without looking brazilian and got a good mosquito treatment. So no, no bites. But you bring up a good point, which is humor. I think in therapy it has been this thing where we say, like humor is a deflection of your pain, maybe sometimes, but humor softens pain, humor softens embarrassment. So I'm a big fan of using it as a skill and a tool, like if you make yourself laugh, it's going to soften the, the cringe for sure yeah, and I couldn't wait.
Speaker 1:I mean, my go-to move when I've done something terribly embarrassing is to call everybody I know and tell them about it, like I just can't wait to share it because I'm like this is hilarious, people are going to love it, and I did. I told people about that and also I think other people in Birmingham told people about that. I honestly think it's really how we got our start in Birmingham. They're like. You know, that girl showed her literal ass at a restaurant opening.
Speaker 3:I don't use Reddit, but I bet there's a thread on Reddit about it.
Speaker 2:I'm surprised you don't use Reddit I get a lot of information from it.
Speaker 3:I mean, when I Google things, sometimes stuff will go. You know, here's the thing For me. I don't know if I am not easily embarrassed, or maybe if I am protecting myself and don't blunder a ton, but when I do, it's into a microphone usually, and so self-deprecation is the name of my game.
Speaker 2:So I'm already kind of ahead of it.
Speaker 3:But boy, as we change as a society over the years, and especially like words go from being commonplace to unacceptable over time, I may miss that right. No one sends me that note and someone will be in the studio having whatever this condition is I'm interviewing them about and we're raising money for condition X and I will say so, you are, and they will explain to me on the radio that that is an inappropriate thing way to describe them. So I learn all of my lessons that we all learn over time.
Speaker 1:Live.
Speaker 3:I learn them live on a microphone, usually Including using a very racist term towards someone once I did.
Speaker 1:I've done this, and I didn't know.
Speaker 3:It was just the word that was used my entire life to describe someone of mixed races, and I oh, I'm cringing.
Speaker 1:My asshole is so tight right now.
Speaker 3:They explained why it was not appropriate and I thought, oh yeah, that's not appropriate.
Speaker 1:I wish someone would have told me the definition of this before but hold on, I just give you a get out of jail free card. I'm gonna tell you something like thanks for blazing a trail for the rest of us, because I think to hand there's no better person. I think to handle something like that would like such grace Like you would not get defensive and you would be like oh, thanks for telling me.
Speaker 3:That's that, and I'm serious about it. I'm like thank you so much for explaining it to me because I had no idea and now I will not say that again and everyone listening now knows.
Speaker 2:So thank you so much. It's good though I think that's really, but also that's the mistake embarrassment. Those get me like if I've made a massive mistake and possibly offended someone. You know, if I shit my pants or she's showing her thong, it doesn't really impact anybody else I have one that impacted other people by all means, and I walked into a meeting with a difficult client once who I was like they're going to get a talking to.
Speaker 1:They're going to need to get a talking to because they're off the rails and I'm going to go in there. And this is before I made my declaration to be on time and so obviously I was going to a meeting to give someone a talking to Late. Yep, and thankfully my team is so wonderful. They were, of course, there and buffering and handling other things. I get there, I sit down very assertive, like as you might imagine, and I start giving them a talking to and Sarah on my team is across from me and she is trying desperately to get my attention and I am really lashing out, okay, and she finally is like could you check your phone? Please check your phone. I check my phone and she informs me that I didn't rub in my makeup.
Speaker 2:No, I've done that twice. Shut up.
Speaker 3:This is very similar H hush, do not correct me.
Speaker 1:I had bronzer, the darkest bronzer. What a clown. I'm talking like war paint lines on my face, like fully, like the, the contour that just didn't get rubbed in and I had been carrying on. So in true Laura fashion, I own it. I am like no one was going to tell me, except for Sarah, that I hadn't rubbed in my makeup. But I want y'all to know this is not the intended look I was going for. I'm so sorry, excuse me. I had to go to the bathroom Like it was so not rubbed in, it required like a tool, it required like a brush, and they're no longer our client, as you might imagine. They didn't make it.
Speaker 3:Sure not One time we were having a dinner party at my parents' house and lots of family friends were there. Our preacher was there because they were a family friend, but he just happened to be our preacher as well. And my dad had heard a joke at work and he worked in sports radio. Right like in the filing cabinet in the main office there was like playboys, like that's the environment in sports radio back in the day, probably now, and so anyway. So he's heard this joke and he thinks it killed right at the studio.
Speaker 3:So he's like okay, everyone, and this is probably in 1990, let's say three or four, take yourself back to there. He says I have heard that McDonald's is coming out with a new Mick Jackson burger named after Michael Jackson and we, you know, like read and I like well, where where is this possibly going? He goes yes, that's right, it is 32-year-old meat in between two 12-year-old buns.
Speaker 3:Oh, no At the dinner table and we're silent because we can't catch our breath, we immediately are gasping and laughing so hard that we can't, and he, as he sees people's faces, gets the joke. He's already said it.
Speaker 2:What did he think it was about?
Speaker 3:He didn't think about it beforehand. He just heard the joke, saw that it killed right in front of this crowd and then just replayed. Like a parroted it. Yeah, just said it out loud without having understood what it meant. It's one of the best moments of my life.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, one of the best moments of my life. Outside of the time he had injured his sternum somehow, and also same seat at the dinner table, looked at us and rubbed like, put his hand right here and went oh gosh, my scrotum.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's the best bill. No, but okay. So how did bob? Maybe we should call him bill though how did he recover from the like bad joke?
Speaker 3:oh he's, he's a great sport and you know he's kind of a little bit the punching bag sometimes with us. But he's good about like it was his job on the radio. He was, you know, the foil or whatever in this like fake back and forth duo. So I mean he, I think he's kind of used to it and he's good about laughing at himself. He has to be, because we do it so much that yeah, that's so bad.
Speaker 2:Well, let's keep on the parent track. So I was newly divorced in Cape Cod with my mother at a conference, and this super handsome like Kennedy esque man walks up, probably in my age range and she knows him and she's like this is my daughter Claire, this is, we'll call him Jack, this is Jack. And I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe I could possibly date again Not that this man would date me and I'm just like, oh my gosh, like I can't believe I could possibly date again. Not that this man would date me, but it was just like that first, like oh, I'm single and can think men are attractive and like do something with that information. So we're talking and he is like y'all are twins, I mean, y'all are just so much alike. And I'm like thank you, the proper thank you so much.
Speaker 2:My mom's great, she's adorable, she's funny and she says well, only a couple more years until she gets the inherited double chin and then taps her chin and I was like stop, and this man's well, it was really nice to meet you and walks away and I was like I hate you, why? I was like that might be true and I might get that chin. It is looking like we're going that way. And I was like but I've been single for like 15 minutes, why? And she was like well, it was the truth. Steph, steph, calm down. The tap got me, she tapped it. The inherited double chin, no.
Speaker 3:And you don't have a double chin.
Speaker 2:I know it's all that Pilates, that Pilates, really paying off Face yoga.
Speaker 3:But I don't imagine.
Speaker 2:Steph with a double chin, it's just loose skin. It's just when you just age and it happens.
Speaker 3:Steph's going to love this segment.
Speaker 1:Oh wow, steph going to love this segment. Oh wow, steph, don't listen. I also had another listener write in this was a gentleman thank god he preferred not that we use his name staying in a five-star hotel meeting with new investors of his company, the most luxurious hotel he had ever stayed in. He said that he was had ordered taking a shower room service, really doing it up Like it was a nice, nice hotel, meaning they had like a silk robe, not even like a like. It was like Not that micro fleece.
Speaker 1:No, no, no, and he's sitting on the bed. Thought he had to pass gas. No, shit himself right there.
Speaker 3:Oh.
Speaker 1:God.
Speaker 2:Will's worst nightmare.
Speaker 1:Will hated it, hated it right there. Oh god, will's hated it, hated it. He immediately said. He immediately said that he phoned a friend like his first thing and he said when was the last time you thought you had to fart and you shit yourself? Because I just did it on a, the most luxurious hotel room that I've ever stayed in. And he said she laughed and said last month.
Speaker 2:That would have been. That was another high stress for me, like where am I going to launder the Egyptian cotton? I would have lost it.
Speaker 1:Oh well, you have some history with that. You've gotten rid of a bathing suit or two, you know. You know, I have a really great modeling story I've never shared. It's pretty embarrassing. As you know, I am not a model.
Speaker 3:I didn't mean to giggle. I only know that. Because I know that, why would you say, yeah, you could be a model.
Speaker 1:You could with that hair. I love that. Well, this is Elizabeth. She is not natural.
Speaker 3:I Well, this is Elizabeth. She is not natural, I'm sorry. In the last episode, what?
Speaker 2:When I saw the reels that we posted from the last episode and I say something and then it pans to you with a fucking hat.
Speaker 3:With a card. With a card, I have to be tough you with that fucking hat with the cards.
Speaker 1:All right, take this out. Please take this out. That feels aggressive. I'm sorry, just over, because your weave was falling. I had to wear the hat that elizabeth was trying to make her way out and it was time for reinstall I didn't know that was happening that's what I told her so.
Speaker 2:Every time she's, it pans over to you and you're like you could light the incense in the room I literally had those matches in the hat.
Speaker 1:If you're not, following.
Speaker 3:Uh, before you get bangs on instagram and tiktok now, now's your chance to laugh your ass off with that hat.
Speaker 2:You looked great, but it was just a funny context and I think this is just affirming this is just affirming why I wasn't destined to be a model.
Speaker 1:Um so shut up, so not a model, okay okay, so I'm 12, my sister is very pretty and was she did model I have to stop.
Speaker 2:I'm doing the thing where you want to stop, but you can't stop thinking about the thing, okay?
Speaker 1:well, I'm never wearing that hat again. So no, no, I'm so done, it felt really brave that day I was like look at me wearing a hat.
Speaker 2:Please tell me about your beautiful loser. Please just tell the goddamn story and make me stop laughing. I'm going to put nicotine in my mouth. I think it's done.
Speaker 3:Please tell your story so I can stop laughing.
Speaker 1:I know that's the best part. You don't think this is going to be fucking funny.
Speaker 2:Okay, I just need a healthy distraction, like we tell our listeners.
Speaker 1:Okay, when I was 12, my sister was super attractive, very pretty, always really smart, and she did model. She had been modeling for a while and I rode the bus with my best friend. Her name was Tracy Jones Tracy, if you're listening, thank you. Thank you so much. I told Tracy one day on the bus riding to school. I was like, hey, I started modeling and I just lied.
Speaker 2:Basically everything.
Speaker 1:Is Tracy just hearing about this for the first? Oh no, no, no, oh there's, the story is great. I tell her everything. My sister told me about what she'd been doing modeling. I just pretended that was my story and I told Tracy that I was a model now and that you know, obviously calvin klein was interested in me which is the stupidest thing and I was like, maybe I can get you in tracy. Oh yeah, this is very pretty. Tracy went home and told her mom gail, and gail called my stepmother glinda okay, and glinda had a real heyday with this.
Speaker 1:Oh, you've been telling people you're a model. Are you a model? Now?
Speaker 1:you're a model this just makes me hate glinda I know well, obviously I was a liar, so this is kind of on me. And so she called gail and was like laura is a liar and is on restriction for the rest of her life and of course she doesn't model. Have you seen her? Um, she didn't say that, but have you seen her hair? Her real hair, and anyways. So I told my granddad because he was like my little guardian angel, I would be like granddad like made this huge mistake. I told my best friend that I'm a model and so he set up glamour shots for us. That's so sweet. Oh, and we did a 25 year take in between the 12 year old version and the, because we were just at a wine festival together, like a couple of months ago, and it's freaking hilarious. Festival together like a couple of months ago and it's freaking hilarious.
Speaker 1:But like again the embarrassment of just having to get back on the bus and see tracy's face of just being like and having to say I'm sorry, I totally made that story completely up. That wasn't my story. Um, I don't know if I ever said that I was like. I think I was probably like. You know, we're getting glamour shots next week, right?
Speaker 2:oh, I would have blown right past that shit as a kid but that I think that now is a really funny story.
Speaker 1:That probably mortified me and made me go way more into shame, because I already felt so much shame as a kid because I was hiding so much, like so much of my life no one could know about.
Speaker 2:But anyways, well, that's important because, when I said, embarrassment is fleeting, it is fleeting if you deal Like you can be like oh, that was silly, or laugh about it or move on from it, but if you don't, it can integrate into shame, which is really important, and it's good for you to be clear that this is a safe space where no one's going to shame you, Laura, for any attire or mistakes that you make.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can tell by Claire's's laughter today. I'm so sorry I didn't know.
Speaker 2:That's where the story was going to be honest and I am embarrassed that I laughed- that hard.
Speaker 1:That story is funny. Now I'm not embarrassed or feel ashamed about it, it's freaking hilarious. I get to talk to tracy about it and every year we share when our glamour shots come up as a memory. We're like remember this from 1995. I have another one from a listener, two atlanta listeners, but one of them wrote in saying that they would go to a spa in atlanta, a women's bathhouse where they do like vagina steaming and all sorts of exciting things, but being naked is completely required in this particular bathhouse and so like you can't wear clothes because it messes with like whatever you don't want to have. Okay, maybe the vibe, I don't know. She kind of explained it. Maybe it goes something else. So they got used to that.
Speaker 1:Then they traveled to paris together, thinking paris, certainly very liberal yeah they were given a guide because it was kind of a similar type of spa. I think it's a Korean kind of. That's what the Korean spa does. And so they come out of the dressing room and they are completely naked and the little lady who's like supposed to be touring the moment oh no, no, no, no, you cannot naked here and so like send him back into the. That would have mortified me, mortified. Accidental nakedness when everyone else is walking around in a swimsuit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I don't know that there's a situation publicly where I'm naked.
Speaker 1:Ever Like locker room or anything you don't ever take a shower at the locker room, like gym, like when you played sports and stuff when you were a kid.
Speaker 3:Take your towel or no, I didn't.
Speaker 1:You bathe in your bathing suit, because that is actually pretty hilarious as well.
Speaker 3:I didn't play sports for the school once you were showering and stuff like that, and then like at the gym, I usually would go home and shower. I usually go home and shower.
Speaker 1:Has Danielle seen you naked? Yeah, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I'm talking about in public, like walking around like this story, like oh yeah, this is a nude area where you walk from, like I've never been in that situation.
Speaker 2:That's a recurring nightmare of mine, that I show up somewhere naked and I'm like, oh my God, how did I miss this mark? Like that's how much I would fear public.
Speaker 1:How do you show up naked Like you drove somewhere?
Speaker 2:naked. Well, in the dream it's not like a process, it's just like I'm like at this dinner and I'm like God damn it. I didn't wear the clothes that. My teeth falling out constant oh, I used to have those dreams like this.
Speaker 3:This is so bizarre to me, but it's a thing. So my dad in sports radio back in the day he was like, hey, you to Reed. He was like, do you guys want to go meet Bo Jackson? He's invited, you guys can come. And it's like, yeah, absolutely. And so he like walks us back to the locker room and he's like Bo here's Will and Reed and Bo Jackson walks over just naked as the day he was born and like shakes our hands and talks to us and hey guys, whatever, how uncomfortable level of one to ten well I was, you know, somewhat of a child, so it's really I love, I mean I love with this penis pretty much okay.
Speaker 3:But here's the thing everyone just walked. It's just walking around naked. I've beau's daughter and I are buddies now and I've told her this story.
Speaker 1:I remind her of it often, you know, I've seen your dad's penis.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, eye level Eye level Anyway. But guys, just do that. I've just never. I'm not even saying like, oh, I'm afraid to be naked. I've never been in a situation where it's like all right, and this is where we get naked in public.
Speaker 1:I've been to spas where that's like a normal thing.
Speaker 3:I guess like massages. Massages thing, I guess like massages, okay, massages, that's the time but.
Speaker 2:I'm not walking from massage to the Usually it's like get naked.
Speaker 3:Get on the table, put this towel over you.
Speaker 2:And we'll knock when we're ready to come in, right.
Speaker 1:Well, that brings us to Alicia, who's in Birmingham, who wrote in and told us about a spa situation. Her and her husband were out of the country. They sign up for couples massage that included two different scrubs and they get the scrub and then the ladies are like time to shower and they were like okay, and she said we were waiting for them to leave the room and they didn't, so we showered in the corner while they were just there watching us.
Speaker 3:That's a kink.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:People pay for that.
Speaker 1:Well, they were like she said they were changing the sheets and stuff like that, but that it was like she was like we felt so awkward. She's like my husband was wearing like swim trunks he had to take those off and like shower, and she's like we're just naked, showering off, and then have been like we're going to head on home. Shane has literally left massages in the middle of them because he feels uncomfortable or claustrophobic. He'll be like I can't do it, I'm out.
Speaker 3:I was about to say I bet you love a couple's massage.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love it. I'm like I booked out and Shane's like never book a couple's massage for me, absolutely. I think they just, oh, I just, I don't actually I don't care about couples massages as much because I'm not talking to you. I'm like going to sleep, I'm trying to relax so yeah, and a massage.
Speaker 3:If I'm getting, I want it to hurt like I want you to work out, whatever this tension muscle thing happening is oh god, one time in hawaii I did I convinced shane to go to this massage therapist.
Speaker 1:that was like, did a lot of stretching. I was like this will be so good with this long flight, whatever. And after that we went to I had this horrible neck problem and I was like I have this horrible neck problem. We go to our chiropractor back home and on the day that I'm like in so much pain at the chiropractor, shane goes you know, my, my neck has actually also been hurting was like I'm sorry we are talking about me today, okay, and the chiropractor's like, hey, we'll x-ray it and just check clavicle broken, his like from the massage and yes, in hawaii. And he totally was like, and then out because I was like you are not hurting, you're making this up. It's was like you're fine, you need to lift more, you need to do more stretches.
Speaker 3:You need to lift more Husbands love hearing that.
Speaker 1:I don't think I actually said that. I'm sure I didn't say that. If I did, I'm so sorry, shane, but anyways, yeah, that was. I felt embarrassed because I was like you're fine, you are fine, and he was like I'm not fine. Actually, it's broken, whoops.
Speaker 3:Sorry. All right. So you guys did some polls on social media and let's look at some of those. All right. So the question was how long does it take to get to the point where you can laugh about your embarrassment? Hours, said the majority, Some people said days. 18% said never. That's sad.
Speaker 1:I know I will say their lack of resiliency around embarrassing moments. Where does that come from? Like? The lack of like being able to eventually be like?
Speaker 2:I don't think about that anymore, or when I do, it's funny, it doesn't hurt me well, I think it would be super normal to always carry that like twinge when you rethink about it, like you know, and then move on. But the like lack of any resiliency, like if it's turned into shame, is likely because you haven't connected with somebody on it. I'm this is totally a guess, but when we connect and are vulnerable, it like softens some of that. And then this is kind of maybe a spicier take that y'all can totally disagree on. I feel like our parents generation gets a lot of shit for being like too hard on us or we were never allowed to have feelings or whatever.
Speaker 2:And then this generation of parents we're like feel everything, have all the feelings all of your emotions the time and I've made that error in parenting for sure and have had to have some redemption. So this kind of generation coming up that's younger than us doesn't have like a lot of grit. So it's like I stubbed my toe and need to do a trauma intensive, like everything is labeled as like trauma or bad because we've pulled away from like laughing about stuff is okay, being tough is actually okay and a really cool virtue to have. That doesn't mean ignore everything. Don't get angry at me if your therapist told you to sit in your feelings Super important. But there's this I think it's really nice to like grit through stuff, or tough through stuff, or share stuff or be funny about stuff. Like that is helpful. And we've moved so far away from that as a culture or a therapy culture.
Speaker 1:I would agree. I would say the lack of resiliency around being able to move through hard things and know hard things make us better, if we'll let them right. They don't have to be defining moments where not everything has to trigger you and like those buzzwords. We've talked about that a lot Like damn, oh my gosh. We've given such a vernacular to this next generation, and even our generation has a lot more tools and a lot more language around how to express our feelings. But, holy shit, when it becomes the thing like you're talking about it more than you're doing anything about it, that's right and I'm like ew, don't do that.
Speaker 3:That's bad yeah, failure breeds success and it does. I mean that. That's like my son didn't make the basketball team. My dad was really like, oh, what are we going to do? And I was like he's going to learn from this and work harder and, you know, be a motivator. That's a good thing.
Speaker 1:I even think like that idea of like everybody's making it no, not everybody's making it. Like I did hear something the other day that there was a school of like big I can't remember what it was, but it was that didn't give failing grades. Instead they said try again. And I was like, I mean, I don't hate that, I'm not saying I hate it. I I think that is the solution, though you have to try again. When you didn't make the mark, you're gonna have to keep showing up and instead, I think sometimes, because of the culture we're living in, people spin out in the hard thing instead of moving on, and moving on is the thing that I think has helped me, like navigate. The hardest parts of my story is I could not stay there, and the truth is sometimes, if you're rehashing trauma, you're making it worse because you might not be ready to process it, that's right I think well, I want to be clear.
Speaker 2:Complex trauma it not a like pull up your big girl pants and move on. So I'm not minimizing that. I am talking about hard stuff, life stuff, shit happens is what we're talking about. I get to try again. I have that opportunity to do it better and do it different, and that's not a failure on who I am as a human.
Speaker 1:Yes, especially when it comes to embarrassing. So how does an embarrassing moment turn into shame?
Speaker 2:So that goes back to what Will said about like is embarrassment a part of insecurity. So if you're like a deeply insecure person or have low self-worth already and it turns from a fleeting cringe into rumination, that means I think about the same thing over and over and over again, rehash, rehash, rehash.
Speaker 2:I keep talking about it and it makes it worse. That's probably an indication of like, maybe this was about something deeper, maybe it had nothing to do with that incident. That felt embarrassing. That is a moment where I'm like maybe take a bigger look at that.
Speaker 1:I would also say one thing that helps me is I love sharing it with someone. So like, call a tier one friend. If it's super embarrassing. The moment that you share something specifically around shame, shame loses a ton of power. When you share it with someone that you trust, with someone that you know will be like holy shit, that sounds so hard or I would have been mortified. Just to know you're not alone in your feelings.
Speaker 2:It's like there's so much freedom in that and it's okay to tell your tier one friend well, you should make me feel better about this. They can even lie to you and be like that wasn't a big deal, like fine, exactly Like when Sarah Margaret was like.
Speaker 1:It wasn't that bad, I was like girl. I saw it in the mirror. I looked at the makeup. It was bad. She was like, listen, I'm sure they didn't even notice. I was like they definitely did.
Speaker 3:Tell her, the hat wasn't that bad.
Speaker 2:The hat really wasn't that bad, I think we.
Speaker 1:I would like to stop talking about the hat. I'm just kidding. I actually don't give a shit. I've only worn that hat one other time. It was in Italy. I thought that the card and the like matches was kind of cute in Italy. Never don't do that. Don't do that in.
Speaker 2:Homewood. I loved it.
Speaker 1:I loved it follow along with us everywhere. Please subscribe to the podcast. Find us on Instagram. We're constantly doing. We want to know what you think, and I know that you probably know this, but reviewing us and giving us five stars matters more than anything, and we are so grateful to have you here.
