Before You Cut Bangs
Hosted by Laura Quick and Claire Fierman, “Before You Cut Bangs” is full of hilarious conversations about real life, common and uncommon crises, and possible cosmetic errors that come along with it. Through storytelling and therapeutic wisdom, Claire and Laura share how to NOT fuck up your hair (and life) while walking through similar situations,
Produced by Will Lochamy
Before You Cut Bangs
24. Don't Take It Personally...
Are we living in the most offended generation ever? Perhaps. We are unpacking why we feel offended by our close people (spouses, partners, kids, TEENAGERS, colleagues, friends) and what to do when it feels big!
Laura talks about a lady who is still offended by her after an accidental "bird shooting" incident. Clair talks about silly sippy straws to help us understand our whacky brains, and well... Will isn't offended ever. Surprise, surprise.
Listen in and don't be offended! :)
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick and I'm Claire Fehrman. I am a professional storyteller and I'm currently working on my first book.
Speaker 2:I have worked in mental health for many years in lots of capacities and this is a really important time to tell you our big disclaimer this is not therapy. We are not your therapists or coaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very much at all. Unless you want to and it turns out well, then you can trust us. That's great. Don't take it personally, Claire. How easy is that for you?
Speaker 2:Close to impossible, but I've really put in a lot of effort.
Speaker 1:Okay, will that for you Close to impossible, but I've really put in a lot of effort. Okay, will, what about you?
Speaker 3:I don't. I mean, I think I'll need an example, like as we go on, yeah, and think like, well, would I take that personally or not? I don't know, Probably not.
Speaker 1:Probably not. I don't know. I'm a Labrador retriever. It's so annoying. Okay, I feel like I'm the just right in this.
Speaker 2:Finally.
Speaker 1:Finally, finally, I get to be the chef's kiss.
Speaker 3:It could be my ADD, but aren't we supposed to be talking about ADD? What's going on? We're doing a second episode of that. Yes, eventually.
Speaker 2:We are. This is a compliment to our listeners. Y'all sent in so many really incredible questions that needed more than just the three of us giving our best shot also we have add, so we might not get to our time so, um, if you're like that bitch told me she was gonna answer my question it is going to happen. It isn't gonna happen today because it needs more time. Yes, and we're gonna bring. I think we're bringing in an expert, we are we're bringing somebody else.
Speaker 1:Like even I couldn't answer all the questions and that's really cool because we've never done that before.
Speaker 3:Nice, looking forward to it. Okay, but this one we're talking about taking stuff personally.
Speaker 1:We're talking about this Well one. I think that it's just good to say. I feel like, culturally speaking, there's a higher level of sensitivity, probably because we crave community across platforms not just personally which is really different than maybe the way that our parents did it right. There was like a small cell of people that you had a relationship with maybe it was church or work or whatever and then you know disagreements or people having a hard time was just like no big deal, but now I feel like you can go to starbucks and get really offended say more.
Speaker 2:I didn't know that, that that was the first thing you're gonna talk about. I didn't even consider that, but we're an easily offended culture, right?
Speaker 1:I feel like we're the most offended group of humans that have ever lived on the face of the earth, for sure.
Speaker 3:Yeah, lila, my daughter just started driving and so she's learning to drive, and yesterday really a big moment for us she was flicked off for the first time. It was awesome, it was great, and she actually wasn't doing anything wrong. There was a pedestrian walking on a busy street.
Speaker 3:And she like slowed and tried to move over and whatever. The guy flicked her off and it was a good time to talk about how, like hey, you can't take that personally, that's about him. That guy has some kind of issue. And sure enough, like a couple months later, a cop comes like flying by. I was like see, he's probably flicking off everybody the cops. Surely that cop is going up there.
Speaker 2:Oh, that's awesome. That's the best resolve when somebody's shitty driving. Then you see them pulled over later.
Speaker 1:I will say too, on the subject of getting flicked off funny story I used to work in a three-story office building, like right in the pandemic. I moved my office to Coleman, which is a super small town, and we bought a house at Lake. And our neighbor at the Lake tells me this story and she's like hey, I have a friend, I was excited to meet you. I have this friend that hates you and I'm like, oh my God, I was like why? And she's like she said that you flicked her off like multiple times. And I'm like I would never I mean pro-class, being like I would never. And so I'm recounting this story to Shane. I'm like, hey, like, isn't this insane? Because the woman was a renter in our building. Like we own the building. She's in our building, all right.
Speaker 1:My office is on the second floor, her office is on the third floor. The guys in my office, when I would pull in the parking lot, we would like mess with each other. So Harrison, who works for me, would be like flicking me off and I would pull in the parking lot. We would like mess with each other. So Harrison, who works for me, would be like flicking me off and I would like double flick him off go nuts.
Speaker 1:She saw it and thought I was flicking her off, hated me, super offended by me, thinking that I would just randomly I'm talking y'all I would be like aggressive, like losing my mind, mouthing a bunch of crazy stuff to the guys in my office, which obviously makes me an incredible leader.
Speaker 2:Everybody knows so I don't really know why we're like overall more sensitive right now, but I think we just have access to being mean more because you're behind a keyboard and that's like way easier to type something horrific on somebody you don't know on their Instagram post or on Facebook. I mean, my parents thrive on Facebook commentary.
Speaker 1:They do Well, they're the demographic that is the demographic that really thrives.
Speaker 2:I think the boomers started this being like yeah, I got something to say Finally, oh God Well we've talked about before, like people ranting about political stuff and just being insane.
Speaker 1:But I think you know something that came up for me recently is a lot of my friends have middle age kids or middle school age children and middle school girls are like the fucking worst. Yeah, I mean genuinely so mean. Like if you don't have Snapchat, you're dead to them. And like so many parents regulate, like when children are getting that, obviously trying to avoid this, but like they're so, so mean and it is a social social media way of being mean and like alienation, like if you don't have the right phone or the right app and then all of a sudden, well, I'm not even in because I don't know what's going on and they're talking about me. It's like so sad.
Speaker 3:And you have ops is what they say. Yes, so yeah, you're like you're the arrest list of their ops, which is so weird.
Speaker 1:I don't know what that say more means.
Speaker 3:Yeah, like your opposition, so the people that don't like you or you don't like them, of course, lila's like told me I'm like yeah, you don't have any ops. She's like I know, but this is a thing though, this is a thing that people have ops. I was like okay, that's weird. I was like don't.
Speaker 2:Never heard that in my life.
Speaker 3:I was like you're caring way too much if you think about people.
Speaker 1:You don't like. Well, I think about the division. It's been so hard to get where we are as women to begin with. So now we have a group of young women who are training, like they're in that cycle again, to be shitty to each other, like me and Claire out here like trying to bring people together and, like so many women I know, are about lifting other women up and, you know, using their name when they're in a room full of opportunities. And then we have this young middle school and I'm like where is this fucking coming from? It's coming from what they're consuming. Is it TV? Is it social media? Are they seeing their parents do this? Like who's modeling this behavior that allows it to perpetuate? Or is this just a culture of our school system? I fucking hate it.
Speaker 2:We've really taken a turn, which is great. I don't know why is the answer.
Speaker 1:But think about how easy it is to be offended if you're a middle school girl For sure, especially if you're an op. You made it on somebody's fucking op list.
Speaker 3:If you're on an op list, not good.
Speaker 2:I would have crumbled if I was on one of those lists. I probably would have had one, unfortunately.
Speaker 1:You Me Listen. We've heard the stories about the girl you still need to apologize to. Okay.
Speaker 2:I really thought that was a joke, I thought it was being funny, including her. If you don't know what we're talking about, that's on some episode where I was horrible and played a horribly mean prank. So I mean, before we get like two in the weeds on social media, I think what really made us do this episode is kind of like in daily life, outside of social media, because that needs its own special time is when we take things personally, directly. So somebody says something to us either professionally family, friends, your children, your spouse and we how, how we bounce back and manage that. Because the social media thing is like don't engage, get off, like I mean bye.
Speaker 1:but it's far more nuanced when we talk about inactive relationship yeah, and I would say that, categorically speaking, obviously we're having, you're having the most interaction with your, the the family you live with. So if that's spouse, kids, whatever that looks like, or maybe roommate, if that's the season of life you're in and professionally, those are the two places where I feel like defensiveness or being offended can show up most prevalent, and normally it happens because we perceive someone as being shitty to us. And then what happens in our brain when that happens? Claire?
Speaker 2:So it can hit a lot of things for different people and we should probably get more specific, but it typically hits our self-worth, and so we feel invalidated, we feel less than, and so then we either get defensive shitty back or we overcompensate like no, no, no, no, no. Let me tell you how you're actually wrong. But, to be honest, sometimes it's not direct. Sometimes we might misread a slow text response or an email or some feedback or someone just sharing something and we personalize. So a lot of don't take it personally is we do over personalize things that have nothing to do with us and before our listeners like I'm not listening to this shit because she's about to say don't take it personally. I promise I'm not. That's been like the big thing, like just don't take it personally, that's not in the human wheelhouse, I mean, besides, will like a lot of.
Speaker 2:Come on, come on leave me out of this. Oh no, I'm taking this personally. You're in it.
Speaker 3:Not to trivialize it, but isn't all of this just like a symptom of insecurity? I?
Speaker 2:knew you were going to say that and I wrote a note about it.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 2:Because you've said something about that before, because you've said something about that before, like, isn't that an insecurity? I don't remember the topic, but that you, you like that. Well, it feels like if and look everyone has insecurities.
Speaker 3:I'm not saying like, but isn't this just like? If you were a weirdo and completely secure in everything, then you wouldn't take anything.
Speaker 2:Yeah, if you're a sociopath or really secure 100%, you're going to cruise right through this. So some of it might be a self-worth or insecurity issue. On the opposite, another way to look at it is a highly sensitive person is going to over-personalize. I'm a highly sensitive person but I don't think I'm an insecure person. But I will kind of soak up what everybody else is feeling, or maybe overthink what everybody else is feeling, and then I can personalize it.
Speaker 2:And I also have anxiety. So if I have an unknown somebody hasn't responded to me or I might have misread that text that's an unknown for an anxious person. So the anxious brain is you better make up something of why they did that. So I've made up some story of one time in third grade I did this to them and they haven't forgotten, or like some crazy story. So then I've personalized it and like Laura didn't respond to us yesterday and I was like oh my god, I said we didn't get the ADHD episode done and that was probably too direct, she's probably like I can't believe I'm admitting this by this morning and I hadn't looked at my phone and you had responded and you had misplaced your phone, which is like a logical thing. I was like she didn't want to do the podcast anymore.
Speaker 1:Just to be clear I love y'all and I always want to do the podcast.
Speaker 2:But so that was me overthinking. She had just lost her phone, but I've made up some story that I've done something wrong.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think, like Brene Brown, is really big into the story, I'm telling myself Well, when someone is having a shitty day, a shitty season, you know whether it's the barista at Starbucks that wrote your name down wrong and, you know, spilled the coffee across the counter because they were like hey, get out of here. I mean all the time.
Speaker 1:All that happens every day. I'm just kidding, that's never happened but I or it's your spouse who's just having a bad week, or they have stuff going on at work that you don't know about, or your kids who got bullied at school and they're not feeling brave enough to tell you and they're being shitty to you. A lot of times we become the container for the people that we're closest to, whether it's at work or at home or in our friendships, because people think we won't leave, so we get the worst version of them because they feel safe enough around us to give us that, and that's not fair. I'm not saying that's the right thing, but I think if you can understand sometimes and have some empathy and I would say, claire, you're a highly empathic person, like you feel everything, and so you take that on, you know, and that maybe aids in your anxiety. But obviously, just know I'm a psycho.
Speaker 1:I love you. I always want to text you back. I just didn't see it. Um, and I'm never stopping the podcast unless we run out of money and have to um well, you got anything.
Speaker 1:He's like tumbleweeds I've never been offended well.
Speaker 3:So, like in my first marriage, definitely when we went to counseling, like you know, I knew it wasn't perfect marriage, but I didn't think there's that much wrong. And once I really felt like, oh my gosh, like this is just a shit on will session, that's all we're doing here.
Speaker 2:Like this is.
Speaker 1:That's all this is going to be.
Speaker 3:And then I was like okay, yeah thanks, bye, I'm out, we'll not be married anymore, and now we're great friends and get along great.
Speaker 1:And we're family, yeah, just not those kids.
Speaker 1:So I would say, when I think of seasons where I took things personally and got super offended, the time that's most not super recent and raw but like a time I can articulate, would be when Clay was in high school.
Speaker 1:He just got really distant and mean and because I was a single mom for so long and it was like me and him, I now realize, because of all the reading and research that I've done, that that's very normal, especially for a boy with their mom to kind of want to pull away and figure things out and, you know, make their own way in the world. But I was super offended and I also got to see the shittiest version of him because mom's not going anywhere Right and I definitely. That was a super offended. And when I got, when I was offended, I also wanted to control. So I really went into this hyper and I think as women I mean maybe everybody, but specifically me as a woman that's where I go. I'm like how do I? Let me come up with a five point plan to get him right on track?
Speaker 2:We'll make a chart Cause we're not going to do this anymore. Yeah, we're not uncomfortable. Yeah.
Speaker 1:I hate how uncomfortable this is, and so we go on to that and I think that's a time when I noticed myself feeling super offended and really not knowing what to do with it, like living almost perpetually through that season of like. This is me this must be my fault.
Speaker 2:So that's the thing. That's the self-worth piece is Clay's going through his thing, and then you drank it through your silly sippy straw and it came into your body, as I failed as a mother.
Speaker 1:Look at this piece of shit, mom I am, who can't figure out how to be there for her son.
Speaker 2:I think parenting is a huge one. And then I think spouse relationships those happen often. Even if you're in like a super healthy relationship, we can just easily offend our spouse because we're oftentimes married to someone so different than us or in relationship with someone so different than us. So I'm gonna kind of jump ahead to like the what to do, because in the kid situation with Clay that was all on an adult right like.
Speaker 2:Clay didn't need to change or do anything differently. He was doing what a teenage boy is going to do, but in adult relationships it is ours. So in I'm going to talk about relationships specifically we have to identify and I hate this word, don't have a better one but what triggers us to take something personally? But, even more importantly, what? What might trigger my partner into taking something personally, because I have to do my part there too.
Speaker 1:Um, so one of my favorite uh quotes around love, especially in like romantic relationships, is you know, if you really really want to love someone, then you find out what hurts them and then you figure out ways not to ever do those things.
Speaker 2:So um one example of I have. I talked about the silly sippy straw on here before I don't. You've told me that Okay.
Speaker 2:So, this is a great way to look at taking things personally. So if you remember as kids, those crazy straws that twirl around, it was most fun to drink milk or chocolate milk out of, because you could see it the whole way through. So when we're in relationship starbucks, barista, husband, wife, employer, whoever um, they say something and we have to drink it through our silly sippy straw, that means everything that's ever happened to me in relationship. Okay, and by the time it goes through all my stuff, particularly if I haven't done any work around it, I have misread it into something completely different.
Speaker 2:Okay, so when Bobby and I were trying to figure out, like, our next steps, um, I was unwilling to, uh, leave my house or neighborhood and I live in a very, very teeny, tiny house, and that was a real. Those were really hard conversations and he would say things like it isn't enough space for us or I don't have anywhere to put things. So I drank it right through my silly sippy straw and I was like, can't you see what all I've done as a single mother? Like, and I drank it through my worth of like. Well, I'm sorry, I couldn't buy something bigger.
Speaker 1:I'm sorry, don't have a mansion in Homewood.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then. So then that creates conflict, because so then it becomes about something that it wasn't about, until one of us reigns it in and I'm like, oh my gosh, that was so me. I've worked so hard, I've been so fragile, whatever.
Speaker 1:I took that personally, and you're right, I think we do need more space right where Bobby's, just like do you have anywhere I could set this bag down?
Speaker 2:literally, he had to give me a deadline to get the closet reorganized because I was like you have to give me a day when it has to be done. And I did meet my deadline somehow and congratulations. He has two drawers, uh-huh three shelves and one little rack for shoes. Because that I wouldn't, I couldn't compromise on the shoe rack okay, yeah. I could see how that would be really hard. I mean, how many spots for like vans and chacos do you need? You know?
Speaker 1:so stack those things on top of each other okay, so um.
Speaker 2:Do we want more examples? Well, I think.
Speaker 1:I love the silly sippy straw because I'm thinking of different scenarios where I've I've definitely done that, and I've done that as a leader, not even just like if you're in an employee, but like as if you're a leader in an organization too. I think sometimes your team, a team member, could be having a bad day and you could take that personally, like, oh, and I think if you tend to lean toward people pleasing, this is even harder, because that sippy straw is got a lot of twists and turns where we do take responsibility or ownership of other people's stuff, and I think it's important to just know, like guys, what. So what are some tools? I don't think we need it anymore. I feel like what if this is something that happens to you, whether it's happening with a barista or it's happening in your personal relationships or professionally? What's something you can do to not take it personally, even though I'm sorry, I know that's like don't take it personally guys.
Speaker 2:But that's the goal. It's just the phrase doesn't much help. The goal is to depersonalize it. But just saying I don't need to take this personally probably isn't going to do much for you. So first and this goes back to Will's point you have to know your worth. Like if you are highly sensitive or an insecure person really working to find your inherent value, because then you can separate this is my value and that's their shit today. Okay, and that could be a driver flicking you off. That could be a boss sending a shitty email. That could be me misunderstanding and telling him he doesn't value me as a single mother.
Speaker 3:We might as well I almost said I'm gonna go like man, I'm really impressed that you have kept this up like I know and not flubbed on it more than the one time I bleeped it we're giving him drawers and shelves yeah, I'm bleeping it.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 2:It's just so good because people are like it's Bobby when you got in public, it's the best If you saw us at what's that bar house of found objects that said Bobby, we heard and we loved it. Okay, so, knowing your worth mentioned this earlier knowing your triggers. And then, if you're in close relationship, knowing what might offend someone else that you're in close relationship with. And then acceptance of who you are. Like I know I'm highly sensitive and I knew not to text Laura something crazy being like is the podcast over. Like I know that I can over exaggerate and over personalize, so I just like, went to bed and it was fine. So, accepting who you are and know that you're going to make mistakes. Like I'm going to over personalize this, I might get involved in something. I don like went to bed and it was fine.
Speaker 2:So, accepting who you are and know that you're going to make mistakes. Like I'm going to over personalize this, I might get involved in something I don't need to be involved in. And then this is so, contrary to what I say, a lot I'm such a like, just sit in the feeling, let it pass through. This is one area that I'm going to tell you actually not to do that. This I got a soapbox for a second Therap, actually not to do that. This I got a soapbox for a second therapy has turned into sit in it, sit in it, sit in it. Y'all like at some point you got to just go on through it. Okay, so logic. Okay, laura might have lost her phone it's very reasonable.
Speaker 1:She loses it multiple times a day so you can logic your.
Speaker 2:This is one scenario. Logic is absolutely going to work, because if you're personalizing stuff to the point of panic attack, we aren't just personalized. You got bigger fish to fry.
Speaker 1:Book the appointment. Book the appointment with your therapist. That is a therapy indication.
Speaker 2:But if you're like, oh gosh, I personalize everything, this is a big problem, that's okay. That's not a clinical diagnosis, that's just some part of who you are, so you can logic your way out of this. This is when we need some like grit and toughness. Our society has gotten into this overly sensitive place where we offend everybody and you have to get everything right all the time or you're a jerk. That is just too high of a standard to be a human.
Speaker 1:Well and I think, like Sheryl Sandberg, who wrote a book called Lean In, which is fabulous, if you're a woman in business or really even a man, it's a great book, it's a great read. But one of the things that they they hang in the google corporate offices or facebook I can't remember which one it was it just says done is better than perfect and I think, like sometimes you just have to be done with something. If you didn't get a perfect resolution, that's okay. And kind of stepping back into that logic space, remember your tier one friends are somebody you can phone. If you're telling yourself a story, you sipped it through your crazy straw and it got into your brain and you believe you have just deeply messed something up or someone's really mad at you. Call a friend and let them say, hey, I think that this is just that person's having a bad day, because sometimes we can't get to logic because we're so overwhelmed by it.
Speaker 2:So that's the resiliency piece and that was my last one. So, um, if I get an email and this happened the other day or a call from someone that I work for or work with, it says call me, death, like it's really really bad, I'm fired or I've ruined something. So the other day I got a call from someone that I work for I do some contract work for them and it said please call me. And I was like this is what you do, claire, just call. It's probably nothing. It was something. I really messed something up Like big time.
Speaker 2:It could be resolved, but it was time sensitive and it was critical and this person handled it appropriately. She said hey, you did not complete this. It's a week late and I need it by the end of the day. And I just owned it. I was like I dropped that ball. I am so sorry, I'm getting it done right now. And I said anything else you need for me? And she said I just need you to know I'm super frustrated, which, to somebody like me, you should have put a needle in my eye.
Speaker 1:I must pass away. Claire is like I'm passing away now.
Speaker 2:Because I have very high, I complete everything to perfection, not just done. And I frustrated someone that I respect and I said I totally hear you. I would be frustrated too and I got off the phone. I completed it and then, when I saw that person in person say that 10 times fast, I saw her in person the following day and I said I wanted to look at you in person and tell you that I'm so sorry, your frustration was completely valid and it will not happen again. And then she was like you know, you were the first call I had to make. I was probably a little bit hard on you, which she wasn't. She was normal hard on me. So my resiliency if that was five years ago I would have this is embarrassing. I would have found blame somewhere else. Well, she didn't email me on time, she didn't remind me enough.
Speaker 1:You would have passed the buck.
Speaker 2:I would have passed the buck, yeah, but my resiliency time is so much faster now because, like I did mess up and it wasn't personal, it just was what it was.
Speaker 1:So we have to have resilience and that kind of goes to your balance beam I. So we have to have resilience and that kind of goes to your balance beam. I feel like, if you know your value set and what being on your balance beam is versus being off your balance beam, one of the things that are on my balance beam is I have to own my shit and then I have to make amends for it, so I want to own it. I want to come up with a way that I can fix it, and sometimes that is just ownership and maybe reaching out to that person, apologizing, telling them I understand why you're frustrated, whatever, but like, if your balance beam is resiliency as a part of it, it's going to be a lot easier if that's a part of who you are. So when you go back to like what you said at the beginning, which is, know your, your value and your self worth, some of that comes from.
Speaker 1:I'm the type of person that if I do mess something up, I'll take ownership for it. And if you're that type of person and you start practicing which is to Claire's point five years ago she might be like this bitch, yeah, I would. But now she's like Whoa, you're right, drop the ball completely on me. I'm so sorry. I'm handling it right now and then I'm. You had every right to be frustrated with me. That will not happen again. Like think of how much, how far you've come.
Speaker 2:So you have to be willing to be vulnerable, like in that. Like that was I don't want to say weak it felt empowering afterwards because I did the right thing and I would want the same thing done to me, like it's the golden rule. I feel like misses it. It's not treat others how you would want to be treated, but like treat others how, like they want to be treated. And I knew this person would appreciate accountability yeah, that's the type of person she is. So I was accountable. It was excruciatingly vulnerable. I did it. It felt great repaired. So it urged all of y'all just like repair, be resilient. And like work is less high stakes, do that with your spouse, your partner, your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your kids. Like show up and say I made this error and it isn't going to happen again, and so it teaches them that same resiliency. Like you don't have to be ashamed, you don't have to take it personally if you mess it up.
Speaker 1:Okay, and back to my middle school rant, which I know felt like it wasn't on. But I will say, the braver we are with our children, the more we're willing to take ownership, to say we're sorry, to make amends with them. It allows them to go and model that behavior at school. So we don't have op list right, so we're're not having the like. Here's all the people I'm against. Instead, it's like oh, if I mess something up or I hurt someone's feelings or you know, maybe I got called up in the social media moment and just like, totally slam somebody, I can go and say I'm sorry for that and you can take it or leave it, because I don't know how long this episode is because I had to start my phone so many times.
Speaker 2:But the person I apologized to after I'd taken something personally but handled it well is a fairly healthy person and she reciprocated that she owned her part. No big deal. We moved on. That will not always happen because I've made mistakes, own them to other people and they stay in defense. Um, they continue to, in fact, personalize it. They want to blame me, whatever. Um, that is when that like grit, logic and separation comes in. Of like as we talk, tell these like beautiful tales, of like I owned it and it was great. They're just some people that can't tolerate it. So what do you do if that happens?
Speaker 1:you say, fuck you, I'm just kidding you you flick them off you flick them off and you do a weird dance and then you roll out and then when somebody's like did you flick that person off? Be like, I am not the type of person that would flick someone off.
Speaker 2:so that's gonna be like a double down of, uh, taking something personally, right, so like you go in you own something to like clear it up, they can't take, and then you might re go into that place of like I really did mess it up. So that's when we have to lean into do I know who I am, do I know my value, and maybe that person like I just know they aren't going to accept it and I can just move on.
Speaker 1:Or you phone a friend phone, or to your one friend and let them tell you like, hey, okay, listen, everything's okay. You did the. You did your part. That person doesn't want to, you know, give you, get, let you off the hook here, but you did everything you could and you're great. You are great and, by the way and I did just misplace my phone and we're never canceling this podcast ADHD is going to be next episode. We're going to have an expert. Adhd is going to be next episode. We're going to have an expert. It's going to be amazing. Please, please, please. If you have not given us five stars on everything or sent this podcast to a friend that you think it might help, that helps us so much, so please do that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and if you give less than five stars, we're going to contact you and have a long awkward talk with you about what was wrong and why we took it personally and why we're taking it personally and that call will be from me.
Speaker 1:She's the scariest out of any of us and I hate talking on the phone will's gonna text the shit out of y'all.
