Before You Cut Bangs
Hosted by Laura Quick and Claire Fierman, “Before You Cut Bangs” is full of hilarious conversations about real life, common and uncommon crises, and possible cosmetic errors that come along with it. Through storytelling and therapeutic wisdom, Claire and Laura share how to NOT fuck up your hair (and life) while walking through similar situations,
Produced by Will Lochamy
Before You Cut Bangs
2.1 Perfectionism: Social Media Realities, Perfectionist Pitfalls, and Embracing Imperfection
This week on "Before You Cut Bangs," we’re kicking off with our new segment, "Show and Tell." Claire shares the most scandalous gifts she received with Laura and Will, including "Clone a Willie" and "Clone a Lady Part" kits. Guess which one has batteries...
We dive headfirst into the pressures of perfectionism on social media. Is the flawless life you see online really as perfect as it seems? Join us as we explore the contrast between meticulously curated posts and the chaotic reality behind the scenes. From our personal tales of perfectionism to the concept of "fake it till you make it," we even throw in an AI roast of an Instagram feed for good measure. Let's tackle the authenticity issues head-on and question the real motives behind those idealized snapshots.
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick and I'm Claire Fehrman. I am a professional storyteller and I'm currently working on my first book.
Speaker 2:I have worked in mental health for many years in lots of capacities and this is a really important time to tell you our big disclaimer this is not therapy. We are not your therapists or coaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very much at all, unless you want to and it turns out well, then you can trust us, that's great.
Speaker 2:Okay. So to start this episode, will and Laura, don't? This just came to me and I'm going to just trust it. Okay, so, will and Laura, don't this just came to me and I'm going to just trust it. Okay, I'm going to start a new segment, at least for today. Today, we're going to call it show and tell, and I hope I can come up with something more clever. I don't know.
Speaker 3:I like show and tell.
Speaker 1:No, show and tell is cool.
Speaker 2:I'm going to second grade. So last week we mentioned that I got married and a couple weeks ago some girls that I work with threw like a little shower for me, which is really sweet. Don't make that face, only work. People were invited. I didn't even take Amanda, it wasn't a tier one thing I wonder why you didn't get any panties. This is why.
Speaker 3:I was invited, I was there. Oh my God, I was the only male.
Speaker 2:But we needed an emcee to kind of be like now let's do the dildo toss. I will flip this table. It didn't happen.
Speaker 3:I was not there.
Speaker 2:So I'm going to pass y'all a blind bag and these are two items that I got. It is not clothing, and I just want you to give a little commentary and people won't get to see these. I don't even know if it can be publicly viewed on Instagram, so we'll see.
Speaker 3:Wait, so blind bag, like we're not supposed to look in it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no. I just have to reach in and grab one.
Speaker 2:There's accidentally like a phone charger and stuff in here, because I just grabbed the first bag I saw.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I don't need to just reach in and grab something. Yeah, okay, alright.
Speaker 3:So you can pull it out and look at it. You have to. Oh, I thought you just like.
Speaker 2:I don't want you like opening the bag and, okay, oh God, this was actually perfect. Okay, yeah, go ahead.
Speaker 3:So the box, it's a box, okay, oh sweet.
Speaker 1:Okay, wow. So what'd you get, laura? So I got a clone of Willie, the in-home penis molding kit, which is so helpful for your new marriage.
Speaker 2:But that one's not really a piece of artwork. You can put a battery in it.
Speaker 1:Oh so this is useful. Oh so this is useful. You clone it and then, if Bobby's out of town, you have a perfectly made toy that already fits.
Speaker 2:And I'd like to acknowledge that I'm the person that in episode one was saying sorry, and y'all can imagine that I opened these in public and then said that you were sorry about opening it. I think I played, I think I was pretty relaxed in public and then I was like, oh my god, I have to hide these forever, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, I think this is an innovative gift, very innovative. And how did how did bobby feel about this?
Speaker 2:he thought it was hilarious, and I think that Is he excited to participate, though Let you do it. His first question, which is valid, is like how do you get the mold going? And then we laughed again, so you put.
Speaker 3:I feel like I know the answer to that.
Speaker 1:All right, okay, what'd you get?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so this one is a similar product, but for Claire it's.
Speaker 2:I don't like it personalized.
Speaker 3:Clone a lady part. Clone a Claire, clone a lady part and boy. The instructions, the pictures. I don't like that.
Speaker 2:I didn't care for it at all I don't like that.
Speaker 1:The instructions on mine also kind of seem like it's like baking a cake until you get to the part.
Speaker 2:I don't feel like it has to be warm, all right.
Speaker 3:Is this, though? Like that? One is a tool, yeah. Is this like a piece of art? It is Okay. I don't like that.
Speaker 2:Wow, yeah, so you know, ifby wants to put on his desk at work, like you know, whatever shelf at home near the bedside table, miss her, you know. Take it with you on the road. Sure, a trip like a blank, like a little like a little, oh yeah, like a teddy bear, but you know, you don't think?
Speaker 1:no, no one's doing that adventurous will this?
Speaker 3:is a white elephant gift here. That is like a oh, this will be interesting totally, this is a joke kind of deal. That is like a oh, this will be interesting, totally, this is a joke kind of deal.
Speaker 1:Something I didn't mention is mine, the one I picked, not mine, but it glows in the dark, which is also helpful in case it is really dark and you need to find it again.
Speaker 2:So what I really like about this is an art therapist gave it to me and I felt like that was like the perfect art therapist gift. Okay, well, thanks for coming to our first show and tell yeah, and this one's hot pink, by the way that does.
Speaker 1:That sounds like something bobby would put on his desk for sure can we?
Speaker 2:let's put this away here yeah, I'm gonna put it back in the bag.
Speaker 1:It's hard to stare at make him will real uncomfortable guys just that one Yours, I think is interesting.
Speaker 2:While I have come a long way, I still can't say certain words. So the clone, a blankety blank. I don't know that I've ever said that P word out loud before.
Speaker 1:You haven't? Oh, I probably have, but I'm pretty you know?
Speaker 3:Oh, I have, but not in like the conversation, like this yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't't. I mean, it's not like something I've said regularly. There are certain words. I will not say that, I just think are the c word.
Speaker 2:I don't like that one. I don't like it honestly, oh okay, okay.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for showing tell. That was super exciting.
Speaker 2:Uh, I am don't want to hear about how you use those you don't want to hear how they're made, like how the what if something really funny happens? You're going to make that I'm going to give it a whirl, you're going to make yours. I think I would crumble in embarrassment, but I think I think Bobby's going to be fine.
Speaker 1:Okay. Okay, I think it's great Report back. Maybe I'll get one. I don't know if I'll tell anybody, but it's great Report back. Maybe I'll get one. I don't know if I'll tell anybody, but it's kind of like my sister when she started online dating. She just never told me until she went on her first terrible date and had to call me and be like I'm locked in a bathroom.
Speaker 3:Well, I just ordered the wing ding doodle thing.
Speaker 2:You didn't.
Speaker 3:No, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:From Teemu From.
Speaker 1:Teemu, the Teemu version, all right y'all. Well, speaking of phallic items, I'm just kidding. Today we're talking about perfectionism and how it's really easy to achieve and everybody's doing it, and there's filters for anything.
Speaker 3:It's so frustrating, Like watching social media and seeing people the way they portray themselves and stuff. It's really frustrating.
Speaker 2:Say more yeah, the way they portray themselves and stuff.
Speaker 3:Uh-huh, it's really frustrating. Say more yeah. Well, I don't know. I have this theory that the more you portray your life to be perfect on social media, the more.
Speaker 2:I bet there's some issues there. Hmm, you've told me that before, yeah it's true. Do you have like a specific example, not of the person, but like of?
Speaker 1:something you see regularly, that you're like I bet there's some shit going down there well, yeah, but without.
Speaker 3:I feel like I'm just gonna call people out. Okay, that would find out about it okay, why what? Do you mean why? Let them people listen to well, because then flora just kidding.
Speaker 1:Just what's wrong with me?
Speaker 3:I'm not kidding all right, we all know people that we know they have issues with their spouse or with their children or with their jobs or whatever, yet constantly just post the most perfect thing about their spouse and their child and work.
Speaker 2:Okay, but let's swing the other way. I feel like this episode on perfection is going to be so honed in on social media, which is fine. It's a massive part of our culture.
Speaker 1:The opposite side for me, and I've messaged you about this the criers on social media wait, did I text you, did I send you the one that came up today, where there's a girl literally throwing herself against the wall, screaming, crying, throwing up, basically, who then was like there's then a woman, comes on and she's like the fact that you had to set up a damn tripod to capture this well, like you literally orchestrated your own tantrum to like set up a and listen, I understand.
Speaker 1:obviously we just did an episode on emotion, like we want you to have emotions. It's not a bad thing. It's also not a bad thing to talk about your emotions so people know they're not alone. The all where y'all sending y'all's audition tape. So, like, what are we doing?
Speaker 2:Are we auditioning for movie parts, like I think the movement came from people calling out perfectionism. Right, they're like we're all just showing these perfect sides, like. I think some are kind of funny, like instagram versus reality and it shows like a beautiful living room and then it like pans through the kitchen and it's like a total disaster, like yes, totally fine. Like that's instagram versus reality, and then it swung like a little too far into the like set up a tripod screaming, crying crying, throwing up.
Speaker 1:my husband just left me like literally, and then it's like her screaming and crying and throwing herself on the floor. But the girl that came on and was like, help me understand where you're sending this audition tape to, and how long did it take you to set up the tripod to capture this angle perfectly, when you're throwing yourself against the wall, like I'm not Obviously even that, like the intentionality of what it takes to either make your life look so perfect or to go so far out of your way to show, like, how distraught you are. Both of those feel real, real, wild to me. But what about just perfectionism? What? What are what? What's somebody going through if they feel like they have to pretend like their life is perfect?
Speaker 2:I told you I'm not speaking on this podcast.
Speaker 1:Oh yeah, that's right, you did say that. Claire feels like she's been too much of a therapist lately and not funny enough.
Speaker 2:Yeah, here comes this bitch with another diagnostic code.
Speaker 3:Are they trying to convince themselves? Are they trying to convince people around them? Are they trying to make?
Speaker 1:up for the fact I can only speak for myself. When I feel myself moving into perfectionism, it is normally because I'm trying to convince myself everything's going to be okay, like a play pretend.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like you make it exactly which was a lot of my life like fake it till you make it. Pretend you're a good mom. You're not, pretend you're a perfect wife. You're not pretend you're the perfect leader, you're not like. I do think that and I I tried. It's so funny. I did that roast thing where you like go on ai and like send a screenshot of your instagram feed and it was like okay, hallmark, like back down the sunset photos and quotes and I was like shit, I don't know.
Speaker 1:This is a thing oh, it is a thing you take a screenshot of your, of your instagram feed and then you upload it to ai to chat gpt and say roast in one paragraph, roast. My instagram feed and mine was like all right, hallmark, we get it like you like philosophical quotes and long walks on the beach, but really dial it back. How about like a candid photo every now and then? And I was like shit. I felt kind of convicted. I was like damn, guys, and I, I get. I don't want to just talk about myself, but I will say I try my best to be real and I try to post things that are like things I'm on the other side of. So it's not like I'm like, hey, look at my perfect life, but I am kind of like, hey, here's a really pretty picture and also here's a story that goes with it. That probably is hard.
Speaker 2:I will answer the question, of course you will. To me, teemu We've been talking a lot about Teemu outside here.
Speaker 1:Actually, will educated us that they are now shipping things from California.
Speaker 2:Guys not just China, and we are thrilled to hear that news, because I won't order from them for many reasons, and that's one of them. So now I might be ordering a patio set right here from the US of A. I think a part of this. Let me show you what I have or don't have on social media is in attempt of connection.
Speaker 2:Connect to me so I feel liked. Connect to me so I feel secure. Connect to me so I feel loved. And I don't know that that has to be a conscious thought. There's this like drive of like I got to put this thing out there and see what I get back. It's like I'm trying to give so I can receive, but we're missing the mark a little bit because that's not authentic disclosure. That's something you would disclose to a tier one, friend, a therapist, your husband, your wife, your whoever not like possibly millions of people. That's not mindful disclosing.
Speaker 1:Well, but we're talking about perfectionist. Perfectionism as it relates to like if you're presenting yourself, and it doesn't matter if you're doing this on social media or if you're doing this at work, if you're doing this in your personal life, like there is nothing more annoying to me than a friend who always shows up and has their shit together like I hate that. I'm psyched.
Speaker 3:Are they really perfect, though? Well, no, but, Like I mean, maybe they're really perfect.
Speaker 1:Maybe they are, I don't know.
Speaker 3:I don't have any of those friends.
Speaker 1:I've weeded them all out. I'm like I would like for you, if we are going to be real friends tier one or tier two, I'd like to know you have a really good day. So I'd like to know that sometimes you feel like shit, like I think that I value someone who gets to show up in the messy middle and I want to connect with them more. I find more connection in someone who's a little more often authentic about and I know you hate that word authenticity, but I do and I think that. So like, when I see it happen, you know I'm. It's impossible for me to pretend I'm perfect at work, because I'm so far from perfect at work, but I do see people struggle with it and it's painful to watch.
Speaker 3:Nobody's perfect at anything.
Speaker 1:You just said, maybe they are perfect. Well, I was just joking, because you said they show up and everything's like together.
Speaker 3:Nobody's perfect at anything. So like when you were earlier saying, like you know, I'm not perfect at my job. Like no one is, I'm not perfect at this being a wife, but then you also said I'm not a good mother. That's not true. Oh, I meant like you said the word good there and I was like sorry, we need to go back on that, thanks will I appreciate that I try to be a good mom.
Speaker 1:I I'm saying like I'm definitely. That has not been something I ever struggled, pretending I was perfect dad, because it was so messy.
Speaker 2:There's something soothing to me about those people that like not a hair is out of place and like their clothes are ironed Perfectly, perfectly and I Fresh from the dry cleaner. Yeah, crispy I'm.
Speaker 1:Fresh from the dry cleaner.
Speaker 2:Yeah, crispy, I'm like man, I bet you don't have a junk drawer, and so there's like there's actually an alluring piece to me about the perfect people.
Speaker 1:Well put together. People are different than perfect people, though. Okay Okay, and like I would say, you said I bet they don't have a junk drawer. I'm always like I bet their car is so fucking clean.
Speaker 2:Yes, oh my god and like their makeup's, all tidy they vacuum their car like twice a week again.
Speaker 3:Some of the people that I know that their car is perfect, have the best wardrobe and the most clean car and the all that stuff have the most issues in their lives.
Speaker 2:You know that's soothing because my car is foul right now, so and I feel really loving and nice and some other positive traits.
Speaker 1:Remember that time I wore that hat, claire could not keep her shit together. It's on the laugh track you bitch.
Speaker 2:To be fair, I couldn't keep my shit together remembering that I was going to say I. I think we both just kind of looked at it that day, and it wasn't until you brought it back up a couple weeks later because when you came in in the hat, it was a cry for help, you know it was like she's in a space right now.
Speaker 1:We're gonna let her be there first of all, it was a cry for my weave, you bitches. And second of all, I don't start laughing right now.
Speaker 2:I'm really not going to have a fit, it just feels good.
Speaker 1:I'm feeling it. Obviously, that was not a cry for perfection. Okay, when do you go into perfection? When, when do you struggle?
Speaker 2:That's brings us right back, as usual, to the Enneagram. It's not bad and I'll tell you why. So if you're familiar with the Enneagram, every number has your like, your type, and then you have a place you go in stress and a place that you go in growth. So when I am in growth, like a really balanced state, feeling good, I go to type one, which is the perfectionist. So when I'm like orderly and structured and like striving for good stuff, I am in my perfectionistic place and it visually looks that way. When it doesn't, when I'm like anxious, stressed or whatever, and I'm mentally aiming for perfection, like I have to get all of this shit done yesterday and it has to be right, that's when it shows up for me. I'm very rarely like I have to look a perfect way or appear to other people in a perfect way, as we can tell by how I talk on this podcast, like I'm not winning any public speaking awards or getting any special prize for not having a trash mouth. So that's how mine looks like. It's not that exciting.
Speaker 2:I actually or you say you go to one and if I'm in growth, Okay, and where do you go If you're, I'm a two. If I'm in stress, which means I'm like giving up everything to everybody else, I'm last on the list. So a two is the giver. Codependency people pleasing. When I am stressed, that is when I'm people pleasing.
Speaker 1:Because I go to six and nine, right, but I go to nine when I'm unhealthy.
Speaker 2:Right, I can tell you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I can't remember. I think, where do you go when you're trying to be perfect? Wait, let, let me guess, you fucking never try to be perfect.
Speaker 2:I just work out sometimes running too much and like yeah, bring it on, keep going.
Speaker 3:What are we? What are we doing?
Speaker 2:we brought you here today to say we've had enough, we are over it this is an intervention.
Speaker 1:This is an intervention, and we are tired of your perfectionistic tendencies. I'm just kidding where do you go? What, what's your thing?
Speaker 3:oh, that's a good question, because I mean, I try to be really like self-deprecating again, right? So even with all my like social media posts, you'll see, even if I'm like, oh, that's a cool, whatever, the comment is going to be something silly about me or like that time I rode a bike.
Speaker 2:We finally cracked you.
Speaker 1:Mr Self-deprecation.
Speaker 3:That's like my form of humor. All right, so ChatGPT says your Instagram is a fun mix, but it screams.
Speaker 2:Wait, we're going to Instagram.
Speaker 3:It's kind of answering your question about it says that my Instagram is a fun mix, but it screams I'm trying to keep up with the cool kids. Here's the thing. I don't know that I trust this, though. I don't think that's true, because the first thing it says is the fitness flex, the on my instagram, but it knows you do. It'd pump that iron it doesn't, but really there's no, there's nothing you got any like tank tops on in any pictures?
Speaker 1:hey, it's, it crawls, the internet, it crawls. It crawls your grid, even though you're, you're sending it a photo, a screenshot.
Speaker 3:It's never take that out, or or else uh, yeah, but here's the thing Shut up, you can look on all of my Instagram, all whatever. I don't have a million pictures, but there's no picture of me at a gym or like working out.
Speaker 1:Okay, your Instagram grid looks like it's trying to be everything at once A sentimental scrapbook, a fashion catalog and a motivational poster collection. You've got enough quotes to start your own Hallmark card line. Sprinkle between photos that scream I'm just effortlessly fabulous. The selfies are on point, but that one sunset picture is really carrying the weight of your deep, introspective side, isn't it? And let's not overlook the random crowd shots. Are those to remind us you do in fact have a social life After all? Or overall? It's like you're trying to tell a cohesive story, but the plot keeps getting interrupted by a need to show off your latest cute outfit. This motherfucker, that's fucking mean. I know it is mean, but I was kind of like, is it true, Is it? I don't know. I try not to do what it says, but obviously it says I'm doing it. I wonder how many do our listeners hate my instagram feed? Do you think I'm just being a big poser if you do write in?
Speaker 2:I'm just kidding or you can to me and I'll filter through them all right, clear chat.
Speaker 3:gpt says it's like you're trying to remind us all that you've got it all figured out and maybe, just maybe, making us a little jealous in the process. Keep up the good work, supermom.
Speaker 1:Okay, it just goes to show. This is why it's dangerous to talk about perfectionism on social media, because maybe we're all freaking, doing it to some degree.
Speaker 3:So I'll say this when you actually do this, what it does is it breaks down like big things and it's all like really nice stuff, Like oh, you know, you have to ask it to roast you in a paragraph I did in a paragraph. It does at the end, and then at the end it gives you a paragraph that roasts you.
Speaker 1:Oh, mine didn't do that. Mine just gave me like six things about like your dogs and your kids and your adventurous spirit and all this stuff, and then at the end, yeah, sorry to ruin the fun, then at the end gives a funny roasting.
Speaker 2:I'm gonna be honest, my child, gpj, hates me. That shit just roasted the hell out of me. So what's interesting about that? Like trying to make people jealous or, super mom, I swing so far away from over disclosing on instagram that I probably do just post kind of like benign, pleasant things with one sentence or less as your caption. Yeah, like not to be look how perfect it is, but to more be like I save my private stuff for private Meanwhile I've got a full on diary going To be fair.
Speaker 2:your job asks for that, mine doesn't.
Speaker 1:Yeah, thank god, you would. You would hate it.
Speaker 2:I couldn't. A lot of therapists are doing that and that's how they're marketing themselves and I, like physically, can't oh, but I love.
Speaker 1:I love in-person claire vulnerability best. See, it's my favorite, my very favorite. How do you feel about your roast? You're saying it's fake.
Speaker 2:So ours are. Ours are real and yours is fake. Yours is fake.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:I'm a 43-year-old dude that Loves bikes and drums and hosts shows Says trying to keep up with the cool kids. Yeah, that's accurate.
Speaker 2:You are a cool kid though.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that's true, it screams. I'm trying to keep up with the cool kids while juggling different parts of my life. Keep it up, but don't be afraid to commit to one vibe. You're already doing all the right things for the gram. I'm shocked.
Speaker 1:I didn't get that Okay, so let's talk to the people that are struggling with perfection, God.
Speaker 2:am I the only one that?
Speaker 1:took proper medication and vitamins today. Yes, I did not take any medication I'm so sorry or vitamins.
Speaker 2:Well, I'm worked out vitamin and caffeinated. So what you had asked is where do you go in stress as a type three? So a little reminder Laura is a three on the Enneagram, so she is an achiever striving for success. We love them. They get shit done. When you are stressed, you go into nine. That's the peacemaker retreating into, like avoiding Well unproductive busy work. When you are stressed, you go into nine. That's the peacemaker retreating into like avoiding Well unproductive busy work.
Speaker 1:So you think you're being productive, but there's no follow through where I actually go in stresses but I call my three favorite people and repeat stories on repeat. It's very unproductive.
Speaker 2:unproductive you lose energy and motivation. But when you're secure, you go into a type six, desiring to be with like loved ones and connect which. The type six is the loyalist. I love a loyalist, I married a loyalist.
Speaker 1:I think that feels true to me. Cool Yep, hey, how about what if you are a person and you are struggling with perfectionism? Like, what do we want to say to those people? Because, hey, by the way, stop doing it. Don't do it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, obviously Excuse them I know, you know, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 2:Actually, I think y'all are right and I'll tell you why in a sec. Okay, First, can we define perfectionism outside of social media? Because we've really only focused on that. Like what it might look like for someone like at work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I deal with a lot of work personalities.
Speaker 1:How could that impact you professionally?
Speaker 1:Um, I mean, I think, the way that I see it, one when I see perfectionism showing up in at work, whether with my clients, because I work with a ton of leaders and most of the time leaders really want to get it right.
Speaker 1:So this idea of perfectionism typically is coming from a place of like wanting to do a really good job, like and it is a perception idea of like I don't want anybody to think I'm messing everything up right.
Speaker 1:So I have a ton of compassion when I see somebody who's really struggling and showing up in perfectionism because I know it's normally not always, but I would say in my 17 years of leading people it has been a thing that I feel like is coming from a place where they're like I just want to get this right, and so you know that's my observation of it. When I see it, and I think there's an unhealthy side to that Somebody who genuinely is always saying and thinking that they have the right answers that is normally coming from a deeply insecure place like deeply insecure. You want people to think you're killing it, and what ends up happening? Because you're always telling people you're killing. It is that it kind of looks like you're not or you might not be at all okay, so you're saying this could come from like a positive, motivated place of like.
Speaker 2:I really just want to get this right. The first time yes, um, if it pushes beyond that, it can be.
Speaker 1:I'm insecure, so please see me as valuable in my perfectionism yes, I totally I think that's helpful a lot of times too, and this is just like people who lead people. If you got somebody showing up trying to be perfect all the time, a lot of times where that's coming from is they don't have clear expectations.
Speaker 3:Because you love an expectation, god, I love an expectation, great expectations, a good book, and also something you should do as a leader give people expectations so that they can hit them and I do think there are like two different kind of things we're talking about One which is perception of perfection, and one is actual perfectionism, right when people are like actually striving to be perfect.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that one is the one that I feel the most compassion over.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's a serious thing, yeah, where it can lead to major depression and stuff like that.
Speaker 2:Anxiety, yes, Look at you, Mr Clinical Hat today he.
Speaker 3:Googled that shit. That was really good Chat GPT, I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:He's actually just reading things from chat GPT right now. That's the whole thing. And Timu he's sending us links to things we can order that come from California.
Speaker 2:I love what y'all just hit on and I love that it wasn't me saying it, You're welcome, aren't y'all? Refreshed listeners that it wasn't me blabbing no, we're not.
Speaker 1:We love you're the actual fucking professional on the this call. Yeah, whatever, this is my job's done here okay, we all did great.
Speaker 2:I love that. So the motivation is different. One can lead into like maybe some mental health issues, and then one is like this drive to like feel good and okay I think it could probably lead to mental health issues as well, like trying to be perfect on also exhaustion, like even if it doesn't lead to depression or anxiety which I can't imagine how it wouldn't at least lead to anxiety.
Speaker 1:But I will tell you I I feel so. I want to just hug them and be like come here, sit in my lap and let me tell you all the reasons why it's okay. You know, when I first started goodGrip, one of the things that I did is like I encourage people to fail and report how they're failing once a week and and like actually celebrate it. Like guys, we started a company, of course we're going to mess things up. Like how will we grow if we don't? Please don't pretend everything's going perfectly, because I know it's not, because I'm not doing it perfectly either, and I think that gave people a lot of freedom in the beginning of the company, and it's something that I still talk about now. Like I want us to feel like we can talk about the things we messed up, because if we don't, we can't get better.
Speaker 2:Well, what we've accidentally and beautifully defined are socially prescribed perfectionists. So that means like you're super internally self-critical, so you out there see me as these things. Then the one we have miss is other oriented meaning like I expect you to be perfect we haven't even touched on that. Like you be perfect, so I feel good. So that's a highly critical, highly judgmental person. That that's like they're destroying their relationships.
Speaker 1:I feel I know people like you know them.
Speaker 2:And then you know what?
Speaker 1:I always fail at being perfect, so I really miss those people For sure.
Speaker 2:So and then the last one where we felt like a little bit more like fluffy and positive or the self oriented perfectionist. So those might be ones on the Enneagram. They're really organized, that's who has the clean card, that's who has the put together outfits, and they just have high standards and like high achievements. So like you might have a touch of that in a good way, being a three is like it's not about the hair and the hat.
Speaker 1:It's very compartmentalized, if we're going to be honest about it, because that car be messy, we definitely have some junk drawers, but I do love to come in a crisp outfit with good hair, so that last type, the self-oriented, is the most flexible and adaptable.
Speaker 2:So that's like, if you have a taste of perfectionism and you're aware of it and it's more in this achieving sense, you're more flexible because you're not as critical of others, well I and you're not hating yourself and by the way, I know I struggle with it.
Speaker 1:I know that I struggle with perfectionism, like it is something, and it's very compartmentalized, it doesn't show up everywhere, but when I feel myself doing it, it is when I am the least likable version of myself to myself.
Speaker 2:So y'all ready for my tips and tricks. I love the tip and trick.
Speaker 1:Please give it to us. The person who wasn't going to talk on this podcast or give any clinical advice.
Speaker 2:Yes, go, you know, recently this has nothing to do with what I'm about to say, but I was like am I supposed to be a therapist?
Speaker 1:Is it what was meant for me, when I really believe I'm supposed to be a goat farmer making cheese, and so my god, literally the first meeting me, and claire ever said I was like you know, because what else would I ask on a first friend day? Where do you see yourself? In five years and I'm like churning dairy like 20 years and you're like I see myself living on a dairy farm making goat cheese and I will go and candles.
Speaker 2:And I maintain that truth.
Speaker 1:Literally I don't know if we're gonna be friends. But then I was like, oh, I love Claire Put her in my pocket and then we do this podcast.
Speaker 2:I'm like I like can't help it. It was meant for me the therapy side. So all of what we described is some level of discomfort. So it's being able to, like confront the uncomfortable and not knowing the outcome. Perfectionists like to know the outcome, Like if I plan for all of this I have, are you bored?
Speaker 1:No, are you going to pass out? Are you okay? Do you do you want to task? Could you just Google this real quick? Just because I looked at my knee, you look like you're about to fall on the floor and board as hell.
Speaker 2:Anyways, perfectionists have to come back to reality, like setting realistic expectations for themselves and certainly other people. And then the hardest I think is admitting you can't do it all, like it doesn't get done today, it might not get done this year, and then if you do those things, you get to stabilize your self-worth. Like that's when y'all tapped into, like these people have to be super insecure, like the, the, the criers on Instagram God, I feel like kind of ugly saying that Cause, like send them love. They're in pain, but maybe stable at doing some work to stabilize your self-worth. What would it be like to not post those things? Can I find worthiness elsewhere?
Speaker 1:I think if you struggle with perfectionism one, it might be hard to admit that out loud, but if you can find just one person, or if you have a therapist to talk to about it, man, it's really helpful to be like, because what perfectionism really is for me is me trying to exercise control over things I don't have control over many times. Okay, guys, listen, we're glad you tuned in. We hope you get a mold of Willie and a mold of beep.
Speaker 3:I call it a wang dang doodle mold.
Speaker 1:Okay With the batteries, though.
Speaker 3:With the batteries, with the batteries. Two things. One just remember no one's perfect at anything, yeah that's right Like. Tiger Woods is not perfect at golf right.
Speaker 2:But where was?
Speaker 3:Michael Jordan is not perfect at basketball no one's perfect at anything and he's the Michael Jordan of basketball.
Speaker 1:You're right. Even Michael Jordan said you know how many shots I had in this to make. It Is that who set the school poster.
Speaker 3:I thought that was Einstein.
Speaker 1:Thanks for tuning in in. If you haven't reviewed us, please, after this episode, go give us five stars maybe go listen to another one or two actually if you yeah, we don't have to be perfect.
Speaker 2:Alright, thanks for listening to Before you Cut Bangs and we'll see you next time.
Speaker 1:Before you Cut Bangs and we'll see you next time. Before you Cut Bangs is hosted by Laura Quick and Claire Fehrman and produced by Will Lockamy. Follow along with us everywhere. Please subscribe to the podcast. Find us on Instagram. We're constantly doing polls. We want to know what you think, and I know that you probably know this, but reviewing us and giving us five stars matters more than anything, and we are so grateful to have you here.
