Before You Cut Bangs
Hosted by Laura Quick and Claire Fierman, “Before You Cut Bangs” is full of hilarious conversations about real life, common and uncommon crises, and possible cosmetic errors that come along with it. Through storytelling and therapeutic wisdom, Claire and Laura share how to NOT fuck up your hair (and life) while walking through similar situations,
Produced by Will Lochamy
Before You Cut Bangs
2.2 What are The Different Types of Therapy (and are Ghosts Real)?
Taking therapy beyond the traditional couch, Laura and Claire explore unconventional methods like somatic and movement-based therapies that might just unlock those traumas your body refuses to let go of.
Most importantly, how many times can Laura be scared by a fake spider, and what are our three hosts most afraid of (other than the fake spider)?
Welcome to, before you Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick and I'm Claire Fehrman. I am a professional storyteller and I'm currently working on my first book.
Speaker 2:I have worked in mental health for many years in lots of capacities and this is a really important time to tell you our big disclaimer this is not therapy. We are not your therapists or coaches or anything like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean you shouldn't really trust us very much at all, unless you want to and it turns out well, then you can trust us, that's great.
Speaker 3:Heads up. There is a spider, Laura, right behind you, If somebody wants to.
Speaker 1:Are you fucking serious? Yeah, I hate spiders when.
Speaker 3:Right in the mirror, right there.
Speaker 1:Oh, my God.
Speaker 2:I hate you. I love a practical joke.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so it's almost Halloween and Claire has a huge spider on her mirror like two feet in diameter.
Speaker 2:I love a holiday.
Speaker 3:It's good, halloween's coming up. It's a fun one.
Speaker 1:It's how you know you still have little kids because you're like doing it For sure. I love it.
Speaker 2:I had a good childhood and I will always do the giant spider Peg I like it, peg, I'm just kidding, wait what did my kids name her? I forget. I'll have to ask.
Speaker 3:Because of work, I have to do like six or seven different Halloween events. Usually I try to like spread out costumes, but it gets too much. Do you dress up? Well, some of them, I have to. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay, well, that's a great segue. So tell me what's the best costume you've ever worn for Halloween?
Speaker 3:My favorite, I think, was Tobias Funke. Never Nude from Arrested Development, Dr Tobias Funke. So I had the blue face and head, so the blue man that's awesome.
Speaker 2:I don't know who you were.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, Jorts.
Speaker 2:Sure, that's really good.
Speaker 3:Well, of course it was Danielle's idea.
Speaker 2:My personal favorite was Tina Gordon, driver of Sticks and Stuff race car.
Speaker 3:Oh yes, Hi, Tina Gordon.
Speaker 2:Hi, I'm Tina Gordon, driver of Sticks and Stuff race car Boy. Have we got a deal for you, Sleigh?
Speaker 3:beds $2.99. I bet Laura didn't know.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you didn't live here.
Speaker 3:You didn't live here, so when we were kids, there was like a local commercial for Sticks and Stuff.
Speaker 2:It was a furniture store. Maybe they're still in existence.
Speaker 3:No, okay.
Speaker 2:We all just buy at Ikea and online now, but Teemu.
Speaker 3:American-made.
Speaker 2:Teemu, tina Gordon was a female race car driver that was sponsored by Sticks and Stuff. Okay, and every day, every night, on TV was the commercial for Tina Gordon, driver Sticks and Stuff race car, and boy has she got a deal for you. And everything was $2.99. Sleigh bits $2.99, sleigh beds $2.99, cannonball beds $2.99.
Speaker 3:And then she'd go whoo. Where did you get the race car outfit?
Speaker 2:I boughta little boy like I went to party city because there was no amazon at this time and I mean I don't know if there was, but I bought like a little boy's race car driver outfit okay you know mine, y'all already know about and we have to go back and listen to last year's uh halloween.
Speaker 1:But I did dress as a government shutdown. When the government shut down and just wore a giant sign of our country with like a. With like a, it's like shut down, like closed on the time, and then I had a george washington wig on.
Speaker 3:So I feel like that was pretty good. Yeah, it's good creative, yeah see look at us.
Speaker 1:Yeah, super creative. What about scary stories, though? Do you have any uh like really creepy stories?
Speaker 3:oh, I don't know if I have creepy stories. I was thinking about like the scariest thing you've ever done or that's ever happened to you.
Speaker 2:That's not necessarily like creepy crawler that doesn't might not have to do with halloween, it's just scary.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I call it. You're like. For me it's like the anti-bucket list, like something you've done but will never do again, because it was so scary well, go ahead.
Speaker 1:I lived in a haunted house, for sure like when clayna moved to lagrange when he was like eight and he used to call it LaGrange Atlanta. He would tell people we moved to LaGrange Atlanta and I'm like, okay, don't say that, because it's LaGrange is not Atlanta. But we lived in the oldest home in LaGrange in the downtown district. It was really beautiful and I was like, wow, this is so gorgeous and the worst, creepiest stuff. So our dog had just died and Clay was convinced that the dog was coming to visit us because of how many creepy things were happening in the house Water turning on by itself, water turning off, piano playing in the middle of the night. You the worst, worst, like haunting, feeling like somebody's standing over you at night when you're trying to sleep, like presence in the room, and it was a dark time and Clay used to be like Cooper came to visit me and I'd be like, okay, we have to leave this house. We eventually got out of the lease because of how bad like it was. That terrifying, awful.
Speaker 3:Who thinks.
Speaker 1:Yeah, terrifying, awful. Yeah, creep, creep. Do you believe in ghosts?
Speaker 3:um no but that's okay. Hey, but that's okay.
Speaker 1:That doesn't mean also does not believe in ghosts it doesn't mean they don't exist.
Speaker 3:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I just I don't think I wish you could have lived in this fucking house also.
Speaker 3:There's so many things I how would I know. Maybe they yeah, maybe my dad's, where he swears, he's seen one.
Speaker 1:I'm telling you, it's happened.
Speaker 2:It was very creepy. Okay, well, I believe in it, I believe you.
Speaker 1:Now later on, a different episode. When we talk about dating, I'm going to tell you the worst date that ever happened, also in that house, that led me to believe that there was more than just ghosts there the gun one.
Speaker 2:Nope.
Speaker 1:You had a worse date than that. Well, the gun one, nope you had a worse date than that. Well, the gun one was a relationship. I had an actual relationship with that psychopath. Nope, nope. This is a date with not ugly Mike but cute Mike. And he got to be cute Mike because there was an ugly Mike. My friends called him that. I'm sorry if any of these Mikes are listening.
Speaker 3:Such a broad name yeah it could be anybody.
Speaker 2:Any Mike, for literally it could be one of these three mics, we're talking into Exactly, it could be my brother.
Speaker 1:It wasn't, but anyways, yeah, okay, go on Any creepy stories or something scary you'll never do again.
Speaker 3:Lift jumping. I get like specifically Chimney Rock, which is down Lake Martin, lake martin. Yeah, it's like 72 feet, I think, from the top, like this, the highest point. And look, I'm a person who has, you know, hundreds of skydives and was basically a semi-professional skydiver, and I will never, ever, but once you climb up there, you can't climb down, right, it's too dangerous, right you're there yeah, and so, uh, it's the only way to get down is to jump.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the fall is long enough to where you just feel your stuff accelerating and accelerating. It's like when is this going to be? It's not good. And as you're climbing up, there are plaques to people that have died.
Speaker 2:Excuse me, yes, I'd rather be haunted by a ghost for the rest of my life that played that piano than have to do Chimney Rock one time.
Speaker 3:It's the worst.
Speaker 2:I've seen it, but I've never done it. If there's any ghosts listening? That wasn't an invitation.
Speaker 1:It was just a declaration yeah, we're closing all doors.
Speaker 3:Closing all doors, it looks high from the water and then when you get up there, you're like oh.
Speaker 1:Claire, do you believe in ghosts? 100%.
Speaker 2:Have you had any experiences? Well, here's the thing I've never seen one Okay, or like that unsettled feeling. But I'm also just probably overly sensitive. But when people tell me ghost stories and they're like people I know and trust, I'm like that's wild, like I'm like no doubt, but as y'all tell these, I'm sure after we record I'll think of one. I'm just not like a big risk taker because I get scared so easily. I mean, I've told y'all when me and mom called the cops because the home, the house door was locked from the inside and we were in it. Yes, I have no, okay, so it's genetic. Like my mom's like this, I'm like this. So I was probably in college. I was in college because I came home to visit my mom, bus in my room and she's like did you lock the back door?
Speaker 2:And I was like no, and she's like's like well, somebody did we live in like the safest neighborhood, okay, and I was like, well, I'm not worried right now because no burglar is gonna come in and lock the door. And she's like I think somebody's in here. So we had to call the police. I had to, she wanted to call the cops. Oh god, those small town police have to come over and they're like, just to get this straight, we're here because the door was locked from the inside.
Speaker 1:Oh my.
Speaker 2:God 100%.
Speaker 3:And then we have some black people to pull over, if you don't mind.
Speaker 1:That's right. We're going to have to get the hell out of here. We get a quota to meet tonight, so they checked, I'm not going to generalize.
Speaker 3:But yeah, I still do that that small town police force is known for that.
Speaker 1:They are.
Speaker 3:They are. It's awful and apparently other places.
Speaker 2:Yes, so yeah, I mean I'm sure I can think of one later, but I think I'm just like not enough of a risk taker. I'll tell you one thing I'm never going on a fucking cruise again, and nothing, even bad, happened. I just like never want to have that sensation again of being on a boat with a lot of people in a buffet that you can't get off floating golden corral.
Speaker 1:I'm out, yeah. So I would say that's a spooky little experience that I don't want.
Speaker 2:Some people are like we do a disney cruise every year, or whatever. I'm like, out, I am out like something.
Speaker 1:When people say they're cruisers, like that's like their thing, I'm always like OK, pass, I'm sure you're great. Thanks, pass, ok. Well, what are we talking about today?
Speaker 2:Well, I think we need to get back to our roots and talk a little bit about therapy. Ok, let's go. With our seasons changing and all of y'all bracing for daylight savings, does that mean daylight savings time is ending or starting?
Speaker 1:Starting it's savings. Does that?
Speaker 3:mean daylight saving time is ending or starting. I get confused. Um, it's saving yeah. No, the summer is daylight saving time never correct us.
Speaker 1:Okay, just tell us the truth okay you're here so daylight savings, reverse.
Speaker 2:Reverse is ending yeah, I believe we're starting. We're about to fall back I hear the thing. Now you are making me question well, that's what a therapist so do you know you really want to take a look at what's going on on the inside and then there's me who just says weird shit and has no idea if it's true let's see.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, thank you. Daylight saving time is in summer, so it's about to finish. We're about to go to standard time. So every time people say, like we got to get rid of daylight saving time, they that's raw. What they're. What they're trying to say is they want it to always be daylight saving time. I'll say this, though we can almost do the whole episode on that, because it's such an interesting argument the should we have these time changes? Should we not? And what's the right? Like if we were going to get rid of time change what's which we? Which way should we go? Standard, because almost everybody's like oh, we want, like what happens in the summer, but there's not, it's not more light, it's just when the light comes right. The light doesn't change. And so here's the deal if we got, if we had daylight saving all year round in the winter, the sun wouldn't be coming up to like close to 8 am.
Speaker 1:Which I'm fine with Ugh. I'm a more this guy.
Speaker 3:It's like health reasons. It's terrible, that's like a terrible idea, yeah. So really, what we need is standard time year round and just accept that, sorry, it's not going to get dark. It's going to get dark at 7, 45 or 8, not 9.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but now it's going to get dark at like 4 pm, so stop playing Will.
Speaker 3:You don't understand, though the morning is affected the same way I don't understand.
Speaker 1:I think this is bullshit. I would like a medium. I'd like it to be like just get dark at 8pm all the time and honestly, the world would.
Speaker 3:You gotta move close to the equator.
Speaker 1:I'm not doing that, I'm not trying to be hot all the time either.
Speaker 2:Alright, you got that Brazilian butt left back in the earlier season. Okay, so Therapy.
Speaker 3:So therapy, because people are starting to get a little seasonal depression.
Speaker 2:They're worried about getting it.
Speaker 3:OK.
Speaker 2:It'll be all over your Instagram after we talk about it and we all just have to relax a little bit. But I don't want to jump into seasonal depression. I'll save that for when y'all are feeling seasonally depressed. But what we can start considering is if you've been in therapy, because I feel like we just like preach it all the time. Sometimes, talk therapy doesn't work anymore, right, laura? Definitely.
Speaker 3:So for you know, dummies like me who don't go to therapy, this is what I think it is. It's just when you're sitting in front of a person and talking to them, Correct as opposed to like.
Speaker 1:what other therapy is there? We would love to tell you Spoiler. The spoiler alert of this is you've been in therapy for a year. Oh sure Coming to this podcast has been your therapy. Yeah, you're. You actually owe us thousands of dollars.
Speaker 2:So it turned out.
Speaker 1:So OK, talk therapy. You asked me a question.
Speaker 2:So standard talk therapy, which is incredibly functional. It helps a lot of people. It is typically a 50 minute session with one client and one therapist. And you come in I mean, it's probably what you've seen in TV and movies and the therapist has their notebook. And the therapist their job is to ask the right questions, right, so you hopefully can get to your right answer.
Speaker 2:Therapists should not give direct advice. They could give feedback or like here's some tools, but it's not like your marriage is tough. You know what? I feel like you should probably go ahead and divorce, like you would never step in. That would be overstepping your scope of practice. Therapists wouldn't give medical advice. They could refer you to a medical provider, things like that. So let's start with why talk therapy works. Typically, it works because we've never been given an unbiased witness to our story. Okay, so we hold on to maybe what we consider something dark, embarrassing, shameful, confusing, really sad, that we can't burden other people with, or we think it's a burden, so we're going to pay somebody to give it to. And then a good therapist when you tell them the worst thing you've ever done and we don't do that in this circle when you tell them the worst thing. If they go right, they're not the unbiased witness, right? It's the fucking chicken thing that I've talked about on this, so like if the therapist who's fucking chicken.
Speaker 3:I told you that oh yes, that's right. Yes. Again I told you that oh yes, that's right. Yes, Again, I'd blocked it out. That's how I deal See.
Speaker 2:So if you missed that, you'll have to go find that on some episode that we recorded ages ago. But the unbiased witness provides a safe space with no reactivity, and I've done this a long time. I'm probably a more reactive therapist because I'm like, oh my God, that's wild. Like I will give, I'm not like a poker face. That's very interesting. How does that make you feel type therapist? That would suck for me as a client.
Speaker 1:I would hate that. I'll go into therapy trying to win. You know like I really want to get a reaction out of you. No, I'm just kidding. I agree, though. Yeah, I think that the safest thing that's ever happened is to have somebody look at you and go, wow, you're a miracle like you made it through that, and that must have been really hard.
Speaker 2:And yes, and part two to that is a good therapist teaches you. Of course I do these things. What a relief to just be able to be like. I behave this way in relationship. I behave this way as a parent. I show up like this. Of course I do.
Speaker 1:They connect all these things.
Speaker 2:So it's a good dot connector and then we find relief. Sometimes, if people are like I don't really like to show emotion, they get into a therapist's office and they get to start crying and it's just like ringing out an emotional rag. Super relieving Doesn't have to be any light bulb moments, it's just like I need a place. I'm going to come vent and talk about this stuff. Therapy isn't venting, but you can come and like expose yourself in a safe place. Bottom that's like bottom of the barrel, that's not the right phrase, but like that's the baseline of talk therapy.
Speaker 1:Yes, an unbiased witness to your story who makes you feel less alone.
Speaker 2:And why it works. We're harmed in relationships so we have to heal in it. Does it have to be done in therapy? No, but if you've had really shitty boyfriends, then you get a really good one. You've healed in a relationship. You got security when maybe you didn't so harmed in relationship. Heal in relationship and when you don't have good relationships, you get to show up to a therapist's office.
Speaker 1:And they will model healthy, they'll mirror back healthy to you, unless they're crazy and there are crazy therapists which leads us to this conversation.
Speaker 3:Can we talk about this really quick? And I know I've asked you this. I don't know if it's been on these mics or off of them, but why are some of the people I know with the most issues in their lives therapists as a profession? Like there are two people.
Speaker 1:Claire, is this an attack? No, no, trust me, it's just giving me feedback.
Speaker 3:No, but I'm not kidding, there are two people that I know that outwardly have just the most chaotic, crazy life and just all the problems in the world and their jobs are they?
Speaker 1:are?
Speaker 2:I actually think I know one of them that you're talking about they're therapists yeah I don't understand that so is the question why they do it or how.
Speaker 3:How is that? How am I going to listen to the person that Is insane Is also. Their life is just a complete nightmare.
Speaker 2:Well, we'll have some compassion for them first, oh sure.
Speaker 3:No 100%, but just from no.
Speaker 2:I wasn't saying that in a shitty way, but so like Question and answer is maybe they show up altogether for the client. You know, hopefully they're not disclosing their crazy cuckoo town to the client and they're able to separate that from it A lot.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's a book called the Wounded Healer and it talks about how most therapists are really deeply wounded people that have gone through this healing process. So I will say there are a lot of wounded people that might not have done their own work that decide to become therapists. But that's the same thing of like. Does the cardiologist have to have had a heart attack to be a good cardiologist?
Speaker 1:No, you know so it's, and I think like one of the things that I always ask before I hire a therapist or even before I refer somebody to a therapist, and add that you, on an average year, I'm referring 40 people to a therapist. I bet you, on an average year, I'm referring 40 people to a therapist 40, at least, maybe more. It's insane, and it's just because I talk about it. I talk about my own journey, and so they feel safe enough, and normally I'm making a call to somebody like Claire, who I know knows all the right people and can push them.
Speaker 1:I am clearly not a therapist, but I'm an advocate, and so what I will tell you is one of the questions I always ask someone before I hire them or refer them is are you under the care of someone, are you doing your own work? And you don't have to disclose to me who you're seeing or how often you're going, but I want to know they're taking care of themselves, because if you're going to take care of other people, you need to be taking care of yourself and doing your work. Not everybody does that and some therapists might not even feel comfortable disclosing that information, but if I'm going to refer you, I have to know you're you're taking care of yourself.
Speaker 3:I don't want you to be the train wreck who's almost like the physical trainer, Like when you go to a gym and the trainer is out of shape you got bad eyebrows, you are not touching my eyebrows.
Speaker 1:If you have shitty hair, you are not touching my hair. And if you're chubby and you're trying to tell me how many squats to do, get the fuck out of here with that this happened once.
Speaker 3:It was a fella and he just I was like I was like stop following me around and trying to tell me what to do. You do it. You go, do it.
Speaker 2:You go do it, you take a whirl. So that is something that's important, because these people you're talking about, I would be very curious if they've ever actually seen a therapist. I didn't know that was a thing until I was mentoring somebody and I was like so what have you done in therapy? I asked them a question.
Speaker 3:This was years ago and this person was like well, I've never seen a therapist, and they were in grad school at the end in internship seeing clients and I mean, I have no interest personally, so that's's like a massive red flag there's a national company right now that has an ad campaign that plays all the time uh on, like youtube for me, whatever, and they're one of their big things is their therapists are in therapy and they talk about that like people are sometimes shocked when you hear that I'm a therapist and I go to therapy, but I'm a human too, and blah blah yeah, that's so good.
Speaker 2:So that is my guess is, if they're super kooky, super unhealthy, I would like put money on. They haven't done their own work or they haven't done their own good work.
Speaker 3:I just didn't know if that was like pretty normal or what.
Speaker 2:I have a really good cohesive group of therapists, all of like in many, many different states that, like I talk with all the time that I'm like, hey, where do we put this person? Do y'all know how to treat this? And they're so why are we talking about this? First, we neglected y'all for a little while, you know, and we're sorry.
Speaker 2:We missed you guys seriously. And so when I started and said, back to basics, like I know y'all have heard us talk about therapy and if some of you have been kind of on that fence, we call that a pre contemplative state and if you're ready to take action I would suggest doing it and we can give you resources for that. But if you're like man I've tried talk therapy, I've done so many sessions, I don't feel like I'm getting anywhere, I feel like I'm just spinning my wheels Then a couple of things could be happening for you and we'll dive into both. But two of the options of what's happening to you is number one you're with the wrong person, and number two is talk gets us only so far. So I still use a talk therapist.
Speaker 2:But I've also done other types of therapy, which Will cannot wait to dive into, that are more somatic-based or movement-based or and I'm going to explain all these things psychodrama-based, where I'm able to tap in to a deeper part of my brain, which we've also talked about, that lizard brain, that mammal brain where my pain is stored, and then I have a different amount of relief and then I can't remember if I'm saying A, b and C, or one, two, three. But the third place is sometimes you get to take a therapeutic break and you can do things that I make fun of life coaches all the time because I kind of think it's bullshit, but there's something to be said for a life coach of like man I've talked and talked about pain and trauma Like I can't talk about this anymore, I can't feel about it anymore and I need action. That's actually when a coach is super awesome.
Speaker 1:Yes, of action, steps rather than processing, processing, processing okay, so here's what I know I've done almost every type of therapy there is, but but, um, I'm learning more about movement and I've clear has some easy, some really fucking wild places to learn more, where one lady was running around a room clacking on gongs moving sound all around the room and I was like how does she do?
Speaker 2:it.
Speaker 1:She bells, played bells on my feet, nope and literally I didn't go back, hit a gong on my actual ass. I was like all right, well, that's great, thank you for that. I really appreciate it. But so, like, I'm probably like out there and I'm always willing to do whatever.
Speaker 1:You know the thing that's hardest. It's really easy for me to sit down and talk, very easy. I'm so good at it. I'm shocked at how good I am at it. Honestly, I sometimes am the therapist. I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:What's really hard for me is when my therapist might look at me and say, where do you feel that in your body?
Speaker 1:And I'll be like, why don't you fuck all the way off, worry about your own body, okay, but there is now I'm seeing a somatic therapist and it has been very challenging for me.
Speaker 1:I will say, like shifting from talk therapy into these more challenging spaces, that that is the thing that if you have plateaued in your work with talk therapy, that is when I had to ask Claire and Claire was my first call hey, I need somebody who can help me get this stuff out of my body, because your body really does carry your trauma and even if you've released it, you can still be walking around with remnants of that trauma because your body remembers.
Speaker 1:There's a book called the body keeps a score, which is extremely heavy, and I do you need to read it in segments, probably because it is so heavy from a like the stories that are being told, but it just proves that point and so I love if you are at that place with your talk therapist it is a great thing to phone a friend who also does therapy and ask them what have they been up to, or research these types of therapy therapists that were therapies that we were talking about, because there's just so much out there and if you've only done talk therapy man, you barely scratched the surface to the healing that you could experience.
Speaker 2:And a lot of therapists do both, and so you can ask.
Speaker 2:you know someone that you're already seeing. Already seeing, hey, I'm feeling a little bit stuck. I feel like I'm talking about the same things, um, and if you're talking about the same things in therapy, I promise the therapist is saying is thinking the same thing, a good one will say hey, I noticed we're talking about the same things. What do we need to do differently? What do we need to shift? So when we talk about, um, how to know when to switch, it's repeating yourself over and over again without like lasting change and still being triggered. I say, you know, I hate that word, but still being triggered by the same shit in your life and it doesn't shift at all. So it's like, even like lack of awareness. I'm still kind of doing these same things.
Speaker 2:And if you ever feel like you're trying to like impress or feel like you might disappoint your therapist excuse me, therapist those are big flags for me. I've had clients and if you're a client that you've done this with your therapist, you're amazing and I highly recommend it. I had a client feel really disappointed in me and she told me that and she was like I. She came in and did really deep work and sometimes, after you do really deep work, you have lighter sessions and you can talk about, you know, food or film or weather, and she read that as claire doesn't care about me anymore because I'm not crying and like I'm not having these profound experiences, and she like so I don't even know what we're doing, and so when someone is, that could have easily offended a therapist.
Speaker 2:But I was like that was brave and I was like, so tell me what I'm missing? And the reality was we weren't missing anything. She'd done really profound work. And so being able to tell your therapist like, hey, I actually feel, really I feel a lot better when you make me fucking cry, let's do some more work. See what your therapist says, like before you just go bail on the therapist challenge them.
Speaker 1:Oh, also, I would love to tell people like, listen, remember, you're paying for a service, so like it is appropriate to talk to them about what your goals are and what you're trying to accomplish. My recent the therapist that I hired this year under the advisement of Claire, he asked me what I wanted to accomplish and I was like you know, I'm just kind of in maintenance, which is fucking hilarious, because there's actually no such thing. If you've lived my life, and typically when you say something like that, your life's about to blow up. So don't say that. But I think that there were some challenges with like I've been writing. I've been writing some like old trauma stuff that even though I've done a lot of work around it, it brought up new things and I needed to go get a different, a different type of body work or somatic stuff, and it's been really really, really good so what does body work mean?
Speaker 2:it's probably what we should say yes, um. So there are therapists that do somatic experiencing and they're gonna do a lot of where's that in your body. They'll teach you kind of how to move it in and out. Um, the one, the person I worked with, we did it all outside. It was like nature-based somatic therapy and at one point I was crying in front of a tree about my mother, so like it's way out there, but like I knew the behavioral changes with my relationship with my mom, but my grief was still there with her and so I just bawled my eyes out on a trail at Red Mountain and guess what? We moved it from where I was carrying it, vomited it all up emotionally on a tree and moved on.
Speaker 2:And I am dumbing this down in a really profound way If you don't want to see a somatic experiencing therapist because you're like that is a little bit too out there, there's something called psychodrama and there are people all over the world that do psychodrama and that's a lot of talking to an empty chair. That's a lot of role play. That's a lot of. I wish I could say this to my dead uncle, who is a horrible person but I can't, and you get to in that office, like, invite that person into the space metaphorically, let all of that out and allow that piece of you to be healed.
Speaker 1:I remember the first time I experienced something like that was with my favorite grownup. Like I say this cause I had lots of therapies, therapists that were like pretend therapists, where I was just like going in and like hope I can hope.
Speaker 1:I I can hope I can entertain them today. Um, but Don set a really this really unique photo of a little girl who didn't. Her face was down and he was like saying, asking me to talk to my like little person, my like young Laura, and and I was first like what the fuck? What is happening?
Speaker 1:But man, some really magical things can happen when you go into that experiential space where you're able to go back and your brain doesn't know the difference. So, if that sounds really crazy, even like with sales teams which I do tons of sales trainings I do a lot of role play and that makes people so uncomfortable, but your brain doesn't know the difference if you're role playing or if it's really happening. And so you're teaching your brain a new way of thinking and doing and you're rewriting stories. So if you were really afraid to go make that sale, then all of a sudden we role played it and you realize you didn't die. Your brain says, oh, I'm not going to die, I can totally do this, and I think it's kind of the same way that. Well, that's in my experience.
Speaker 2:That was good. So the last thing life coaching why I hate them and why I love them. Coaching is not therapy. That's super important to understand. So a good coach is not going back and reworking your trauma. They might go back and say, hey, let me hear about these patterns that you have so we can move forward. We have to go backwards before we move forward. So I usually don't recommend starting with a coach.
Speaker 1:I know this will be shocking to y'all, but I have had coaches as well, because I love getting every type of fucking support I can get Doing it right. But I also want you to know that I did not hire a professional coach, really, until I even had the realization that I had so many blind spots because of all the things that had happened to me, and I was able to take those in. And so what I think is really good about life coaches or business coaches or, you know, whatever they may be, is that you, if you're in a loop in therapy, it might mean it's time to go take it and put it into action. Of like I've been talking about this for 10 years. I need some action steps to your point, because great coaches will not let you stay the same or they'll let you go.
Speaker 1:They'll be like hey, we're, this isn't working. I need to. I can't work with you because you're not changing.
Speaker 2:Coaching's high accountability and therapy's high support. Totally so, and that's a big difference. So I love when somebody kicks my ass. It's my favorite when they're like I thought you said you were gonna.
Speaker 1:I love it. Thought you said you were gonna do so, and so why didn't you do that? When will you have it done? Can you get it done today by 3 pm? I'm like, oh my god, yes, I'll get it done by 3 pm.
Speaker 2:I'm like you hurt my feelings and took a tone with me. So moral of the story will does not believe in ghosts.
Speaker 3:We do um yes, I'm not saying they don't exist. There's just nothing in my world that makes me think yeah, that's the thing I just I want you to know.
Speaker 1:A challenge accepted.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I mean prove me wrong, casper come on like I'm here getting a ouija board for our next one, whoa no, we're not.
Speaker 1:I have had a bad experience and I absolutely cannot under any circumstances. Clay went to ICQ for seven days. Guys, I will never play with a Ouija board again.
Speaker 3:You know that Ouija boards.
Speaker 1:Will. I will throw my tea at you, shut it.
Speaker 2:We're going to put a pin in that and circle back at a later date.
Speaker 3:Totally Whole episode. No, I'm going to bring my Ouija board.
Speaker 1:No, you're not, Not in Claire's house. We'll have to do it on a 100 percent not.
Speaker 2:I have so much sage and palisade we're gonna do it, you can put it on your truck arms okay. So back to the moral of this story is um, if you have not started therapy coaching and you're in a place where you need the unbiased witness, accountability, support and to make a shift, go do it now, before daylight savings, daylight saving time okay, because seasonal, seasonal depression, or the idea of seasonal depression, is something that comes up a lot for people.
Speaker 1:So go do it now, even if you just go try. Go try someone and don't be afraid to change therapist. I feel like that is a big thing. If the therapist you've been working with is just not a good fit and you've asked for different things and they're not giving it to you, find somebody else, and if you need help with that, you can always message us on Instagram and we will help you find support Anywhere, anywhere. Anywhere in the world. Claire is Claire and her family are so wildly connected and knows everybody, everybody, everybody, so we'd love to help. I'm not really sure why I said three. Everybody's Green tea is really getting to me today.
Speaker 2:Everybody, everybody, everybody. It's like a Tina Gordon commercial Hitting some good Alabama commercials. Today, everybody goes to. Milo's of course Milo's, milo's this episode was sponsored by Sticks and Stuff.
Speaker 3:She's retired now, living in Cedar Bluff, alabama. Tina Of course she is. She did Drive in the Bush series, which is like the you know baby. Nascar yeah. It's like Saturday's race was the Bush series, and then Sunday was like the.
Speaker 1:NASCAR, the Winston Cup or whatever they called it. Okay, hey, we're so happy to be back. Thank you guys again for sticking with us. We've been doing this for over a year now and it has been so much fun. We love hearing from you. Please, please, please, tell us what you want to talk about.
Speaker 3:we've got a lot of fun content coming through the holidays never correct me big old spider right there see you in two weeks.
