3.9 Mid-Life Glow Up: Why the 22 Year Old Version of Us Was Wrong AF

February honesty hits different. The motivation buzz fades, real life crowds in, and the question sharpens: are we building lives that actually fit? We ditch quick fixes for sturdy rules—starting with Laura’s favorite: never miss twice. Miss a day, reset the next. It’s the cure for all-or-nothing thinking and the backbone of habits that last. Although Claire has inspired with a new aesthetician subscription…

Claire is talking about her word of the year- “privacy” and digging into the quiet power of privacy (not secrecy), better boundaries, and fewer explanations. Laura is talking about her filters for Impact and deeming this year as the one where that’s what matters most for her. From kinder no’s and protected relationships to midlife glow-ups that go deeper than skincare (though yes, chemical peels and “don’t cut bangs” still make an appearance), this episode is about moving from performance to alignment.

Books, therapy, and responsibility thread it all together. Fiction as soul care. Clarity over buzzwords. Owning harm, apologizing when possible, and living honestly when life won’t wrap things up neatly.

If you’re craving sustainable habits, better boundaries, and a midlife reframe that actually works, this one’s for you.

Transcript

New Year Check-In And Resets

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Before You Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick. I'm a professional storyteller and I'm writing my first book. And I'm Claire Fearman. I'm a therapist, but not your therapist. Full disclaimer: take what you like, leave the rest.

SPEAKER_01 0:17

Okay, Claire. It's a new year. New you. It's February. It's been long enough that either your resolutions or your word of the year or whatever the hell you're up to in your corner of the world is either on track or off track. So do you want to tell us what's happening with your face?

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Although not part of a resolution, I did have the winter blues. And I still believe that peeling off several layers of my skin in a chemical peel in a medical setting is going to be worth it. Medical setting always. And what's funny is we have a podcast before you cut bangs. And I was like, I'm sad and I'm gonna call and get my skin peeled off. So I'm red and I'm gonna have to live with that. It's better than bangs, truly. Temporary.

SPEAKER_01 1:18

Temporary and an investment into the future skin of Claire Fairman. So it is New Year, new me.

SPEAKER_00 1:25

Uh but yeah, we always joke that New Year's resolutions last five seconds. I think what is it like it lasts like the first or second Friday or something? Um, and everybody's starting journaling and their intentions and a lot of new content rolling out on everybody's social media platforms.

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Like everybody's got a new social plan until they don't. So this is your reminder if you're listening. Are you doing it? Well, are you on track or off track? What what was your did do you will do you set like a do you have like a word of the year or like a fact when you said that at the beginning of the episode?

SPEAKER_02 2:00

I was like, word of the year? Who does that? Oh my god.

SPEAKER_01 2:05

I literally almost every woman I know was a bit more.

Peels, Not Bangs: Quick Fix Temptations

SPEAKER_02 2:09

The hanging blinds thing. I guess.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

I did do a vision board this year and I didn't do one last year. I made a post about that shit because I was like, Well, that's poetic.

SPEAKER_00 2:16

Right, why? Last year was so bad. You didn't vision board it.

SPEAKER_01 2:20

I think maybe it was like if you make a vision board, you're gonna be so disappointed. Don't do it. My face can barely move. I'm so sorry.

SPEAKER_02 2:28

I figured the face thing was like a promotion for the YouTube channel to get people to drive people there to see what Claire's face looks like.

SPEAKER_01 2:35

Oh, okay. Yes, that is actually what it is. And we're trying to get sponsorships from a spa. Yeah. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

So it's a business expense now.

SPEAKER_01 2:43

It is. Yeah, we're writing that's a write-off. That's a write-off. And I'm going next. So maybe next episode I'll I'll be peeling. I hope. One can only hope.

SPEAKER_00 2:52

Yeah, you go see McKinsey. She's great.

SPEAKER_02 2:54

Uh I didn't I don't do the word or anything. What what I generally do each year, not every year, I guess, but I did this year, is I set like a mileage goal for runs, like I want to run this many miles this year, you know, and break that up and then just general like exercise goals, like oh, I want to be sure to do this this year or whatever. That's that's pretty much it.

SPEAKER_00 3:11

Have you done it?

SPEAKER_02 3:12

Um no, no, because I've been sick. We've all been sick. Did you ever kids both have the flu right now? I know.

SPEAKER_01 3:20

That's terrible.

SPEAKER_02 3:22

But no, Danielle and I've tested negative for everything, but I've just been like this for a month now. So no, so I've I'm I'm like a quarter of my run goal, but I'll catch up. It's a thing, it's a year-long thing, so I can just run extra one week.

SPEAKER_01 3:36

I love that. What about you?

SPEAKER_00 3:40

Well, I'm more of a reflector, especially through the winter season, than a big goal setter. I set life goals all the time, but I'm not a big January first. I'm gonna change my life, but I do write down the Laura more of less of always. Uh, if you haven't heard us talk about that, it's what I want more of and what I want less of. But I sometimes do that throughout the year.

Goals, Sickness, And “Never Miss Twice”

SPEAKER_01 4:02

And if you came to, there were a group of y'all that came to a workshop that we did, that was a big part of it. It's like a brain dump. Like I always say that if you really want to know what's going on inside of you, don't think about it too much. Just get out a sheet of paper, draw a line through the middle of it, more on one side, less on the other, and just brain dump it out. And you will find out very quickly most of the things that end up on the I want less of it, you have full control over. And most of the things you want more of, you also can be a huge participant in that. I always do that every year.

SPEAKER_00 4:33

It's good. Yeah. I have a word, um, and I have a book goal. Um, but I do a book goal every year. What was your book goal last year? My book goal was 30 books and I did 32. And this year I'm gonna go for 50.

SPEAKER_01 4:46

My book goal was 50 last year and I did 36. So we like to read, guys. We're readers around here. What's your word?

SPEAKER_00 4:54

It will sound ironic as I'm talking into a microphone. Privacy. And what I mean by that, it was what you and I had talked about earlier today. Because I'm familiar to people, like in my job, I'm familiar and I'm very social in my neighborhood. Like I'm a I'm glad as Kravits, you know, looking through the blinds, waving to everybody, and I know what's what. Always hosting the kickball in the front yard. 100%. I go to my coffee shop and they're like, Claire, the usual, like it's cheers, okay. And I have noticed that when if people are like, How are you? I'm like, it's not that I'm negative. It's I have this belief that I owe everyone the whole truth.

SPEAKER_02 5:47

Oh, that's a rhetorical question.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

No, no. I know. It's not like I'm on a dog walk and they're like, Hey, how are you? I'm like, Oh, I don't know, I've got a lot going on. Um in that sense, I'm like, good, how are you? Beautiful weather. Um, it's more of like if I bump into someone that's in maybe a tier three friendship, like we know each other. We've volunteered for the holiday party in the third grade classroom. Your kids are the same age. Like, why do I do that? I leave feeling empty and gross, or I'm an over-explainer, even with people I'm close to. Like, I want to give a good sales pitch of why I'm doing this thing in my life because I need you to be like, exactly. So the word is privacy, and perhaps that's the wrong word. Maybe it's more discernment, shutting the fuck up, um, whatever you want to call it. But I do know in my body, literally, I'll get this like high energy, and I'm like extra funny, and it's not that bad. I'm like Ross from France. I'm like, I'm mine. No more of that. It feels disgusting. Like, I'm giving minimal answers this year. I like that.

SPEAKER_02 7:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

I like that. You probably already do that. You do that. Yeah. You are that guy. You're like, everything's good. I want to be willing. My New Year's resolution is to be will alone this year.

SPEAKER_02 7:12

But I do think like 99% of the time when somebody says, Hey, how's it going? That's rhetorical. They're not actually asking how it's going.

More Of, Less Of: Simple Reflection

SPEAKER_00 7:21

I think that I made it sound worse than it is. I promise you, I'm not filling up a gas tank and someone's like, How's life? And I'm like, worst year. Like, I'm not like that. It's like, okay, when everybody asks you, everyone's familiar with you. So they think, and you're so good at making people feel special. I think the three of us can engage with anybody. And it's not that it's false, but it's like, well, I just know people all the time. And it's an over-explanation, and I'm doing it now, and just it's what it is this year.

SPEAKER_02 7:54

No, I like it. It's good, it's good.

SPEAKER_00 7:55

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 7:56

Um, I normally don't do a word thing, and I don't know that this is it's more of a call to act. So I have two big things that I'm stepping into. Um, one is never miss twice. So this idea that if I'm I can take a day off or have a bad day or whatever, but not two days in a row. I'm gonna let myself have a moment, but I'm gonna wake up and do better the next day. Um, that is and that really is like about physical activity as much as anything else.

SPEAKER_02 8:26

So say, how do you control that?

SPEAKER_01 8:28

Well, physical activity would be the main one because that's the thing I'll abandon first. Oh, like I'm too tired. Like, you know what? Yeah, there's a lot going on. I think I'm I'm done with working out. And um, or I'm done with going for long walks, even though, or stretching every morning. I feel so much better when I do it. But it's just easy to take a day off. And if you take a day, if you take a day off, that's one thing. If you take two days off, you're you're you're gonna spin out. You're never doing it again. Congratulations, remember when I used to work out? I don't anymore. Um, so never miss twice is a big call to action this year. And the second one is this is gonna be my year of impact. And what that means to me is I am really being stingy with my yeses. Um, and I am really being kind with my no's, but I'm filtering things through like, is this the highest way to use my time in order to get the most amount of impact? I think all three of us could take a note from that.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

Yeah, for sure. I planned on just having Laura tell people no for me, but yes.

SPEAKER_01 9:27

I'm here, I've offered for years. I'm like, I'll be your agent. I would be the bet, I would get you so much money. You're welcome. I know. It's honestly, but call me.

SPEAKER_02 9:38

I will I'll even like give you 50%. Your agent fee can be 50% because it'll still mean more.

SPEAKER_01 9:44

You should just give people my number and I will handle it for you.

SPEAKER_00 9:48

It'll make you more and you won't have to be uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_02 9:51

No, obviously. Ever.

SPEAKER_01 9:52

Okay, I want to know. We're talking about midlife today, but we're and we're talking about kind of like how it used to be scary. What was the age when you thought 40 was old? How old were you when you thought 40 was old?

SPEAKER_02 10:08

Uh, mid-20s, early 20s. I remember having friends that were turning 40, is like, oh my gosh, I can't believe they're turning 40. Snicker, snicker.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

What about you? Um, I can remember my dad's 45th birthday party and feeling sad that he was getting old.

Choosing Privacy And Discernment

SPEAKER_01 10:28

And that's shocking. I distinctly remember being in my 20s and wearing like pointy pencil high heels, which I still will on occasion, I'm not mad. Um but hearing someone say, Oh yeah, well, she's in her 40s. And I literally, and I'm ashamed of this, by the way, said out loud, gross. Yes. I said gross. And now I'm in my 40s, and it's so laughable, but like that's kind of the thing. Like you hear people say it. I remember right when I was turning 40, I had friends that were like, Hey, you're stepping into your best decade. Like your 40s are gonna be your best decade yet. And I lied about my age for so freaking long that 40 didn't really bother me at all. I'm sorry. I don't think I knew that.

SPEAKER_02 11:20

What do you mean you lied about it?

SPEAKER_01 11:22

I always said that I was older because I had to get jobs I didn't really deserve or was qualified. Oh, I was 30 from 21 to 27. I told people I was 30. And I as I look back up, sometimes I'm like in my 20s, I'm like, you actually look older than you psycho, because of what we did to ourselves. I was it was like spring break for a decade.

SPEAKER_00 11:47

It was amazing.

SPEAKER_01 11:48

Okay, I don't like that you scroll back so far. Sometimes you post them.

SPEAKER_00 11:54

But we both had really bad glasses. Yeah. Really bad.

SPEAKER_01 11:58

No one was like Warby Parker wasn't a thing, and Gucci wasn't on the budget. No.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

Where can we find these pictures?

SPEAKER_01 12:04

I don't think we should. She posts them sometimes. Sometimes I just as like a good chuckle, I'll I'll Some humility. Yeah. I don't post them. I send them to you or to other friends that I'm like, wow, this was dark. A lot of tan, very tan.

SPEAKER_00 12:21

And tan. Romeo Michelle's business woman casual vibes.

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Yeah. A lot of a lot of weird blazers. Yeah. A lot of uh a lot of high heels with the high-waisted dress. Oh, yeah. A good thick belt. Why are you doing stuff over there? Are you on Facebook?

SPEAKER_02 12:39

I'm looking at your page. Oh my god. But I'm not seeing anything yet. You're safe. You post a lot about that.

SPEAKER_01 12:44

Thank God. You you have to look at you can probably get there and just like uh probably I made your 2016 in review page.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

I made I made that. I was on your page.

SPEAKER_01 12:54

You did. You made good grits, and it kind of felt weird. It felt like um just me and you were a part of that good grit man and woman. I was like, and we were the good grit man and woman.

SPEAKER_02 13:06

I do feel like we were the only two people tagged, baby.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

I know. I was like, I sent them all kinds of photos from that. Okay, but this idea that we used to think 40 was this crazy thing, and now Claire's not 40 yet. She's she's just got one more glorious year of her 30s. One year and two months. That's true. That's true. And then you and I have been hanging out in 40s for a couple years.

SPEAKER_02 13:28

Yep. I'm mid-40s, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 13:29

Um I'm not quite mid.

Year Of Impact And Saying No

SPEAKER_02 13:31

But I'll say this like, and I know we're gonna get to it, but certainly now, like looking back at my twenties, me, like now I'm going, ha, the snicker snicker at that person. Because definitely like my 30s, well, I definitely I was still figuring things out, but physically, it's when I finally got my stuff together, and now like I feel as young as I ever have. I'm trying to get back to like where I was late, like 38-ish, 39, which I am. I've got a plan, it's working. But yeah, I mean just like a certain weight and like lifting the same and like all that. Like, but that's happening. I don't know. Definitely I feel very foolish looking back at my 20s-something well.

SPEAKER_00 14:11

Dude, I thought I knew everything. I think we're taking care of ourselves in a different way, and I don't mean like the consumeristic, like is that a word? Yeah, consumerism. Consumerism. Consumeristic way. If not, it works. You know what? I liked it. I liked it. Make up a word. Of like, I need the green juice and the this and that. I think um we we have more access to like understanding what works for your body and what to do, and to obviously chemical peels at, you know, in a I think a real price-friendly price point. Um, and she did call me right after and she's like, Boy, do we have a deal for you? You the silver membership. And that's real. Um, I just think A, we have access to a greater understanding of what we need, what we like. I think we're taking control of our time in a different way. Like, I manage my schedule to be able to like enjoy my life, and I love that. And I'm willing to like make a little bit less to do more happy things.

Rethinking 40: From Fear To Pride

SPEAKER_01 15:18

Um, I think it was one of the things I was reflecting on when we were talking about this idea, this midlife like glow up, which we're seeing more and more. Like as women inch closer to 40, they're like, time to get serious about this shit. I gotta, what are what am I doing? I'm gonna take that trip I always wanted to go on, and I'm gonna be ready and I'm gonna look my best. But I do think in the pan, like right when the pandemic started, I really leaned into I was listening, I was consuming Brene Brown, like at a high level. She did a great job of like oh yeah, walking alongside people with her podcast and really trying to keep it relevant. And one of the things that happened when I was, I was on a long walk, I'll never forget. And she's like, if you were in your mid-30s or beyond and you have not read Sumon Kids, and she gave like a series of her books that, you know, some of them are fiction, some of them are nonfiction. And I was like, holy shit, that's me. I'm in my, I'm beyond my mid-30s, and I've never read those books. And, you know, I was consuming her like she was the gospel. And I started reading. I do think that in that moment I started thinking about a midlife glow up differently. It was about education, it was about wisdom, it was about, you know, trying to step out of cycles that I'd been repeating and really kind of taking a long look at like, oh damn. Like eventually you wake up and you're like, maybe I'm the common denominator in some of these things that keep happening in my life. And I think that when you're in your 20s, you know everything. When you're in your 30s, you wake up and realize I don't think I know much of anything, actually. And I think in your 40s, you start to get comfortable with what you do know and start really leaning into that. That's been my experience. But in my 30s, in that I don't know how I keep ending up here. You know, that was a lot of the work I did in my 30s was starting therapy and getting really serious about it. I joke all the time that I was in therapy for a long time. And I would just show up and pretend. I mean, I would literally be like on the drive to therapy, be like, what do I want to tell them today? Well, I'm not gonna talk about that. Uh, I'll probably entertain them with this story. Like, I'm like, I'm paying for this. What the fuck am I doing? Um, but it's a wild thing that eventually you start to go, no, no, I actually want to get better. And I think that happens for women. I don't, I can't speak for men in their 30s. And I don't mean that externally. I mean internally, there's something that wakes up inside of you in your 30s as a woman and says, damn, I think I want to grow. I don't know. What's your experience?

SPEAKER_00 18:00

When we get real clarity, it's not just about a new thought or an exciting idea. If I have real clarity and real understanding, so if we go with the therapy lens, like we can use whatever therapy words we want all the time, and everybody does, and everybody can, because it's all over everything. But those are just words. But when you get clarity and understanding, you change your whole life one little bit by one little bit. And so to me, that's where I've been. It's not just like soaking in all the information and learning all the terms. Cause I did that kind of therapy probably from 27 to 35, 36. Like, not that I was bullshitting my therapist, but like I was definitely bullshitting my therapist.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

I literally was like, can't wait to go in here and entertain the hell out of them with this story. Like, what?

SPEAKER_00 18:54

It was like I was just taking a concept, like maybe it was attachment or anxiety, beating it to shit through education. Yeah. That's just knowledge. That's not clarity, that's not responsibility, and that's not change. I'm so comfortable being responsible for where I am right now that my life doesn't look perfect, but I would say it feels the truest it's ever been.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

I told Claire at breakfast this morning we were talking about kind of the next 10 episodes of the podcast, that you know, I'm writing a memoir, which is like hilarious because I'm in my 40s and most people write memoirs like to, I don't know, it just feels like something you would do when you're older than 40s, especially now, even though I used to think 40 was like 100 years old. Now I'm like 40's pretty young, actually, guys. Um, that I'm not writing a redemption story. And that's typically what memoirs are, that I'm writing a responsibility story of what does it look like to stand up and responsibility for the shit that happened. And in my 30s, similar to that, that clarity seeking is kind of the thing that made me go, oh shit, I need to apologize to my kid for a lot. I need to not just apologize, but I need to take ownership of it and say how it's gonna be different. And with a lot of other people, like I don't even, I'm not even gonna uncover that.

SPEAKER_02 20:17

No, let's hear the list. Let's hear the list.

SPEAKER_01 20:19

Okay. Well, it's like I did have that one accidental husband that passed away that I never got to apologize for. Really? Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 20:30

You married someone, uh, first of all, accidentally. We've kind of covered that a little bit, and then he's not alive anymore. Correct. How about that? We don't know anything about her.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

She says stuff sometimes, and I'm like, when did that happen?

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yeah, it was a surprise. I honestly, I always so in my mid-20s, there was an accidental marriage that happened, and he was truly like one of my closest friends. And I think like that was the big mistake. I was so unhealthy and so unhinged as a person. And I just thought, he's so good, he'll definitely make me better.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

He's gonna live forever.

SPEAKER_01 21:06

Right. Well, I didn't even think about death as an as a scenario, and I don't mean to be insensitive. He passed away from cancer, but I didn't know. I didn't know him, and we didn't stay in touch. I mean, I probably ripped his heart out and whatever. I mean, I think I did. Um, but I always thought there would be enough time to say that I was sorry, to make amends, to be like, hey man, that was all me. I was a mess, my life was a mess, I was functioning out of my own decisions, but a lot of trauma too. And, you know, then the older you get though, the more you realize there's not always going to be time to say that you're sorry. And like, I do think a lot of midlife glow up is responsibility. Um, if you want to be healthy, it's taking responsibility for those things. And taking responsibility does not always mean that you get to make amends. Um, Um, a lot of times responsibility is a lonely thing. Hey, man, sister. Shut up, Will.

SPEAKER_02 22:08

What? What did I do? I actually didn't say anything.

SPEAKER_01 22:10

I know, but I could see your face.

SPEAKER_02 22:13

Well, I'm thinking about uh it's if I need to explain that I deal with like dark stuff like that with humor. So like I know I kind of like uh joked about him the ex-husband dying.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Felt a little bad. Then you felt bad about it.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

No, I just if because there are people listening to this that don't know me, right?

SPEAKER_00 22:28

Oh he's the nicest person we've ever met.

SPEAKER_01 22:31

If you don't believe us, go listen to more episodes. He's a golden retriever, folks.

SPEAKER_02 22:36

I'm just saying that's it's the way I I generally deal with rough stuff.

SPEAKER_01 22:40

But how she said it was also funny. So as we are all midlife-ish, Claire at the very beginning of her midlife journey, we were talking about like what kind of tools would we give ourselves if we could go back to the like beginning of your midlife journey. What would you tell 35-year-old Will if you could tell him something? Like, are there is there a book he needs to read? Is there a workout regimen you really want him to stick with?

Midlife Glow Up: Wisdom Over Aesthetics

SPEAKER_02 23:05

Yeah, gosh, I hate to like not be serious about this, but you know, my brain doesn't really work this way, the way that y'all's does.

SPEAKER_00 23:12

Be kind of girl. Be funny.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Um, well, I don't know. If I mean if it goes back to like the exercise thing, I would say hire me as an agent immediately. Well, honestly, that actually is true. Yes, I really would do that. And what's funny is you and I did talk about that when I was 35, and I and we didn't do it.

SPEAKER_01 23:25

Yeah, you should have let me. God think you'd be a millionaire by now.

SPEAKER_02 23:29

But there there was a time like late 30s when I I just was training running, and I would tell myself that hey, you gotta continue to lift weights through that process.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

Yeah. What would you do, Claire? What what would you give 35-year-old Claire? What would you tell her?

SPEAKER_00 23:44

Okay. Longing and fantasy are just like medicators because that's what I did. I was just like, I have to have this ideal, and I rushed to it. That I didn't follow through with the marriage, just the quick engagement. Um do you remember the yeah out of, I was a little younger than 35, but around that age, just this like longing for something because I thought it's how it should be. So I it was just this kind of frantic energy. So I think I would teach myself to recognize that longing is not fact, and I can slow down and pay attention to like what's right here.

SPEAKER_01 24:23

Yeah, I think that's what I would say. What book would you ask yourself to read sooner than you did?

SPEAKER_00 24:28

It's not gonna be a self-help book.

SPEAKER_01 24:29

Oh, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

A sakai? A sakai.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

What did you do?

SPEAKER_02 24:40

I don't think that was as bad as you thought it was.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

It wasn't. I think it was mostly just you making fun of me.

SPEAKER_02 24:44

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Asshole. Which I appreciate.

SPEAKER_00 24:47

It's so hard to have my visits, not even.

SPEAKER_01 24:50

Let her stay in as a bitch.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

Okay. Um, what book book uh what is I've lost my mind. Falling back into it. Anyways, uh, what book? What book? It would be fiction for sure. And I would oh my gosh, the bell jar. Mmm. Okay. It is um rough. Or or Lonesome Dove. You do love Lonesome Dove.

SPEAKER_02 25:21

Yeah, Lonesome Dove is my favorite uh thing that's ever been filmed. I've never read the book. Danielle just finished it and loved it so much.

SPEAKER_00 25:29

It says it's very true to the series, like it's very that it's the most accurate book to film ever created. Um, but I am only on page 500 of the book, and it's 858 pages. Um and it it's it's a tough read.

SPEAKER_02 25:52

Yeah. Well, it's a tough watch too.

SPEAKER_00 25:54

Yeah. So but I have a child named after it, so like, oh, you had the dog.

SPEAKER_02 25:58

Well, pig. Which we have the sign, you know, we don't rent, except it's we don't rent pig instead of pigs. So Augustus, of course. Yes, yes. And now Blue Duck.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

You named him after Blue Duck.

SPEAKER_02 26:10

His name is Blue Duck. Where else would I get Blue Duck?

SPEAKER_00 26:13

I didn't know about the duck. I is there a redemption story? Don't tell me. No spoilers.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Blue Duck is Wait, you've not seen the miniseries? No. Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

I haven't either.

SPEAKER_02 26:23

How's this you love it and you've not even seen it or read the whole book?

Therapy Beyond Buzzwords

SPEAKER_00 26:27

Because when I was pregnant with Gus and William wanted to name him Gus, I was like, I like I don't have an attachment to this name, and it sounds like we're running a nursing home with Roberta and Augustus, and he gave me a copy and wrote out all the traits of Captain Augustus McRae.

SPEAKER_02 26:48

Augustus McRae is uh, yeah, he's my hero.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

And so I always had this like attachment to it and have learned like the quirks of it. Like I knew Hat Creek, blah de blah. Like I had learned all the quirks, but I had never read it. And now I'm like, God, I gotta get through this book. I would start it and be like, huh. And now I'm really deep. I had no idea it was Blue Duck.

SPEAKER_02 27:12

Yeah, listeners, if you uh haven't seen it or read it, go do that now. Otherwise, we're driving you crazy by talking about this. But whatever, Blue Duck, my dog. You know, when I got him, he's a bit of a rascal. He'd been living in the woods.

unknown 27:21

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 27:22

He didn't know how to dog. Yeah. So uh so it took me a week to come up with a name, and it just bam, he was being a rascal. I was like, Oh, blue duck, that's what you are.

SPEAKER_00 27:32

You should add that to your list this year. I will. I will. I mean, it is like love, relationship, loss. If you have a human emotion, it is in there in that book.

SPEAKER_02 27:44

Yeah, you get three and more pages this year.

SPEAKER_00 27:46

I know. I'm like, how could it get worse at this point? It is it's brutal.

Responsibility Over Redemption

SPEAKER_01 27:52

Well, yes. Okay. Um, that's okay. I think that if I could give myself 30, I'm just thinking about 34-year-old me. The the book would be Dance of Dance of the Dissident Daughter. Oh, yeah. Um, which is the greatest Sumk kid. If you have not read everything of Sumon Kids, it is amazing. Um, she is an incredible fiction writer. She wrote The Secret Life of Bees and Um a lot of The Book of Longings, which is one of the greatest, so, so good. Um, if you want to feel like you're kind of in love romantically with Jesus, you can read The Book of Longings. She somehow made that that. Um, that was weird, but you know what I mean. Anyways, the dance as a dissident daughter is just this kind of like unraveling of what it means to get to your midlife point and be like, wait, wait, wait, do I actually believe everything that I believe? Or did someone hand me this belief system and I just put it on as my own? And so the liberation to like decide as a fully formed adult with a brain who's lived and made mistakes and done all of those things, what do I believe? Um, and how will that guide my life? And it's just so freaking well written and easy to stay with. Um, and it changed my life. It really did change the trajectory of my life. That's one thing. The second thing that I would, I think, like piece of advice that I would say is just be really careful about the people you let in your top tier. I think I would just say protect, like it is not um a postcard or like a bumper sticker to say that you really do become like the people that you're walking with in your life. Guard it fiercely. Um and I mean, I think that's all I I don't want to. I'm grateful for those years. And I think I was at, I was healthy enough to make good choices. And I'm grateful for even the mistakes I made in those years just because I think they like make you yeah. So I don't want to like go back, but I would say start reading more earlier. Man, I was like a self-help girl only because I thought I had to be constantly like learning and evolving and all those things. When I started reading fiction, it'll heal your soul. It literally changed my life in the best way. It made me a better writer and a better storyteller. Um, it made me a better conversation. I feel like when you're reading good books, it gives you something fun to talk about instead of talking about people or bullshit that doesn't matter. I think we should pivot to a book podcast.

SPEAKER_00 30:35

No.

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Okay, well, you know what?

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Yeah, I don't think there are any of those.

SPEAKER_01 30:39

Yeah, I know. Oh my God, we're the first ever book. Don't cut your bangs and also read these 35 books we love. Okay, well, I hope you're on track with your word of the year or whatever kind of weird stuff you're doing to exercise. And um, I hope that you lean into your midlife. And if you're in your 20s and you think 40s old, you don't know what hella common. You're about to be so happy when you get closer and you're like, actually, I'm pretty pumped about this.

SPEAKER_00 31:11

Before you cut bangs is hosted by Lara Quick and Claire Fearman and produced by Will Lockamy. Follow along with us everywhere.

SPEAKER_01 31:18

Please subscribe to the podcast, find us on Instagram. We're constantly doing polls. We want to know what you think. And I know that you probably know this, but reviewing us and giving us five stars matters more than anything, and we are so grateful to have you here.

SPEAKER_00 31:34

We talk so much on the podcast about seeking therapy, getting help, finding resources. I would love to be able to help you with that. My website is up and running and beautiful. It is goodgrowthwithclaire.com. So, whether you're in the state of Alabama or not, I want to be able to help direct you to the right resources. Goodgrowth with Claire.com.