3.13 Trying Something New (Without Becoming a Vision Board Influencer)

The fastest way to kill a dream is to keep it private. How about trying something new as an adult? 

Laura shares what it’s like to finally write the book she’s talked about for years, and Claire breaks down the psychology of fear, embarrassment, and that sneaky belief that you should already be good at something before you start.

If you’re sitting on a dream, a business idea, a Substack, a new sport, or a small creative habit, we end with a practical challenge: say it out loud to a trusted person and take one step. Subscribe, share this with a friend who needs a push, and leave a review so more people can find us.

Transcript

Intro And Thank You Notes

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Welcome to Before You Cut Bangs.

SPEAKER_02 0:02

I'm Laura Quick. I'm a professional storyteller and I'm writing my first book. And I'm Claire Fearman. I'm a therapist, but not your therapist. Full disclaimer: take what you like, leave the rest. So after we recorded our last session, why do I keep seeing sessions?

SPEAKER_01 0:22

You are a therapist. Literally, you're a therapist. It's fine.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

It's a recording session. That's true. Thank you. And it's an episode.

SPEAKER_01 0:29

After our last episode. Episode 11, in case you're wondering about manners and uh Claire's new high horse. Go on. High horse?

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

It's fine.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Soapbox belief system. Anyways. So uh Gus, my son, just had a birthday, and it was his 10th. And so his grandparents, like on both sides, really went all out for him. And my parents met us in New York where I had the flu and missed most of the trip, but that's a different subject. Um, so we had just recorded this, and when we got back, I'm like, all right, buddy, you've got to write two thank you notes. Two to each set of grandparents. And y'all, this kid, it was like I told him, We have to waterboard you for an hour. I'm sorry. He, I took a picture because he just flopped face down on the couch, like dead weight, like arms couldn't move. And then I even wrote out the sample. Like, dear Nesi and Cappy, thank you for the blank. I really enjoyed blank the most.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

He just had to mad lib it.

SPEAKER_02 1:42

That's it. I made a mad lib for him. I'm like, adjective, noun, verb. Um, and then he Gus is my very logical kid. Like, why? I need to know why. Like, he got the Curiosity Award at school a couple years ago. So I love him. He's so cute. He's so cute. So he's like, why? Show me why. So I'm like, like, no 10-year-old wants to hear like the psychology of gratitude. So I pull out the etiquette book and I'm like, because that was the most logical explanation. So I read a blurb from Emily Post's etiquette book. Of course you did. And the sample is Dear Aunt Kathy and Uncle Jim, thank you for the martini shaker. We're so looking forward to seeing you at Cape Cod. He laughed so hard. He's like, Can I put martini shaker? And I was like, you cannot. But I was like, but I'm also gonna write a book on this. So sit at the table, and you cannot play Nintendo Switch until you write these notes. And it took him two hours to agree, but we were like in a full standoff. I was like, you're doing it. And he did it.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Hey, I like that you're planting that.

SPEAKER_02 2:48

Trying to remember if I mailed him though, actually, now that I say that. Wow. I don't remember putting him in the mailbox. Okay. But we'll see. But so follow up, real life, harder than I made it sound.

When Politeness Feels Like Shade

SPEAKER_00 2:57

Well, the other thing I was confused in that episode about like you brought up that people in the South, uh, us saying yes, ma'am, no, ma'am, being polite can seem condescending or rude in a weird way, and I'd never heard that. And then, like, days after our session and we recorded, uh, these folks, some listeners, came to Birmingham from California, and they've never been to Alabama. And so I was like, This is so crazy that you flew here to whatever. I was like, but you have to come by the radio station. I would like to, you know, interview you about your experience here. And it came up. They were like, it's we're so blown away by all of the opening doors and waves and yes ma'ams and no ma'ams and hey baby and blah blah blah. And I was like, Do you find it rude or condescending? And she was like, At first, yeah, for sure. Like people were being like sarcastic almost with it. Uh-huh. She's like, but no, realize now like it's endearing.

SPEAKER_01 3:51

About the third restaurant where somebody asks you what you want to drink, honey.

SPEAKER_00 3:55

She was, she did say it was a little bit, I was taking a little bit back when somebody said, Okay, baby, when I ordered something, I was like, Well, hang on. It's like describe this person. She was like, um, you know, like an older black lady. And I was like, oh, no, that's great. That's great.

SPEAKER_02 4:08

I was like, I was worried you were gonna say, like, dude, who's like 27-year-old bartender, I'd vomit. Right.

SPEAKER_00 4:15

So anyway, there we go. That's an update from the last one.

unknown 4:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 4:18

And we're out of time.

unknown 4:19

All right.

SPEAKER_02 4:20

Fine. We'll move on to this week, but I did want to follow up on that, and I think there's gonna be more from my mouth to your ears.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Ah, we're not mad about it. Gus on to tell his side of the story.

SPEAKER_02 4:30

Exactly. He'll be like, my mom is mean, is I think what he would say, probably.

SPEAKER_01 4:35

And that's actually what you want your kids to think about you in some categories, I think.

SPEAKER_00 4:39

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_01 4:40

Yeah. Oh, of course they wouldn't think that about you, Will. Perfect. Okay. I'd say that.

SPEAKER_02 4:47

And I'm teasing you. Okay, Laura, what are we doing today?

Why Try Something New Now

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Well, I think that in brainstorming, we had a long session at my house. Maybe some of you all saw that on social media, where Claire brought a notebook. It's super exciting. Um, and we really want to talk about things that we feel like are relevant. Maybe you guys remember that as we were entering into winter, Claire talks a lot about how there's a ton of pressure from society to be like, you should have all of your goals and a vision board and all these things. And her take on that is that winter is a really hard time to be inspired because it's dark and like the weather's blah, blah, blah. But um, now it is time for that. So we wanted to talk about trying something new.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

It is ironically very cloudy and snowing.

SPEAKER_01 5:31

It's literally snowing in March. But you know what? First of all, it doesn't matter because we know that is the season. Fake spring has been interrupted by fake winter that popped back up and it is fine. By the time this episode hits the air, we're gonna be like, Don't you wish it was snowing?

SPEAKER_02 5:48

And um, I just want to mention that we've got analog. Yeah, we have. Look at these pages.

SPEAKER_00 5:54

Yeah, makes my heart bear. It's me. No, I'm that's me.

SPEAKER_02 5:59

Um you didn't have on headphones, so I know.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

But for no, it's gonna be good. I don't mind it. Sorry. I don't mind it. It gives a little bit of real touch to it.

SPEAKER_01 6:07

So, Laura, tell us about our spring. Well, I think dreams. I think one of the things that Claire and I were talking about when she was at the house is just how we're both in seasons of doing dreams or pursuing dreams that we've had maybe inside of us that are now actually coming to fruition. So for me, since 2022, I've been talking about writing a book. And now I'm actually in the process of writing the book, and it's I don't even know the version of me that was like, I should write a book. Who was she? She was very brave. I'd love to meet her again. Um, but just how how when we are pursuing or when we think and we have these dreams inside of us, there's something crazy that happens when you actually start telling other people. And I think that the way that that happened for me is in 2022 when I thought I'm gonna write a book, I invited my closest friends to the lake when I still live there and literally told them, like, hey, this is my dream. Would you guys believe with me? And the reason that I do that is because in my whole life, what I have learned is I come from a place where my way of living, which is pretty audacious. I like to go after things that people are like, why the hell are you doing that? Um, was not rewarded. I don't come from a family where they really rewarded taking big risks. Like I remember a time when my dad saw my paycheck stub when I was in my mid-20s and was like, Sister, you can never leave this job. This is, you make more money than I do. And I was like, oh my God, that's so sad. But he was like, you have to stay forever because that's just, you know, he that's the generation he was born into. And so when you are audacious and you invite people into a new dream or a new hobby, even, it makes it easier to pursue it. And I think that if you're really onto something, the right doors tend to open. And so that is what we're talking about today. If you're a person who is thinking about starting something new or you have a dream inside of you, whether it's entrepreneurship or trail running or writing a book or starting a podcast or whatever it is, um, what does it look like to have courage to do those things?

SPEAKER_02 8:13

Well, I think I just had a funny moment when you were using the word audacious. Like for me, it's a little bit more impulsive. And that's like how, like, if you're an adult child of an alcoholic, you sometimes, which I am, um, and that's a different episode. But some of the symptoms of that are like impulsivity, and you can look like you have the disease of addiction without the substance. So, like some of the like excitement and latching on, and that's how I experience a hobby. Like, I will have an idea, and I'm like, I need the equipment.

SPEAKER_01 8:47

Like, oh, first of all, I can attest to this. Literally, like two weeks ago, Claire sends me this gorgeous painting that I was like, oh my God, that's so pretty. And she was like, Yeah, this is from my office. I was like, Where did you get that? And she's like, Oh, I painted it. And I'm like, I'm sorry. What? But she legit went out, got the canvas, got all the paint, mixed it, came up with a design, painted it. And I'm like, oh, okay.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

Same thing with knitting. Oh, ukulele, needlepoint, trail running. Let me count the ways that I'm like, it's like when I get a new notebook, I'm like, this is what's gonna change my life. Uh-huh. So I think love a good calendar. I think hobbies are different than creative expression. So, like a book writing or uh starting this podcast, neither of those things are like a whim, or it could have been a whim, but we really stuck with it. And I think it's important to notice the different, and both are valuable. And I'll hold off on the psychology piece. What was the question you asked me before I get into psychology?

Fear And The Need To Be Good

SPEAKER_01 9:49

Yeah, because I do want to talk about. Um, I was actually sitting at a lunch yesterday where this guy was talking about reading this book called Strength to Strength, which was which really, I've never read this book, but his synopsis was the idea that when we're in the first part of our life, so the first half of our life, it is really easy to learn new things. And obviously now we know that you can still continue to learn new things. And I'm sure you're going to talk about the science of our brain, but it really was talking about crystallizing what you've learned and then how that turns into wisdom. And I don't know, the book sounds fascinating. I'll probably read it. But it reminded me, it honestly gave me a little bit of anxiety when I was walking away because I'm like, holy shit, I'm over 40 now. Does this mean that I'm have I crystallized? No more being, no more learning new things, no more being creative. Well, that's the fear, right? So whether it's hobby or a creative endeavor.

SPEAKER_02 10:45

Or starting a new business or whatever your big dream like what is having another kid later in life because now it's like geriatric pregnancy after 35, or but also it's like, yes, it's cool to have that baby in your 40s. Like there's a lot of different schools of thought. Yeah. So I think we're talking this could apply to anyone with whether they're thinking dreaming big, creative, hobby. But I think from when we're kids, it's not as scary to try something new. Like Bertie came home and was like, I think I'll try out for volleyball this year. I'm like, but you've never touched one, you know? But as a little kid, you're like, why wouldn't I try that new thing?

SPEAKER_01 11:22

When you're little and you go ice skating for the first time, and if you live in the south, you don't know what you're well, if you're will, maybe because you went to the ice skating rink all the time.

SPEAKER_00 11:30

My dad worked for the hockey team. So I it was I just don't remember learning to skate. I just could skate. Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:35

But that's the thing. When you're little like that, you don't even think twice. You put those skates on, you get out there, you fall 20 times, and it's totally fine. As an adult, like I've only snowboarded, and my friends are like, we should all go skiing. I was like, I would die.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

Like okay, so fear of hurting yourself physically. Yes. But and other it's basically the idea, not necessarily of failure, that which it could be, but being hurt, not being good at it, embarrassing ourselves. It's this like, I need to already be good at something.

SPEAKER_01 12:06

But you're right. I think some of the fears, okay, so even let's in the in the time machine, back to that moment where I already knew when my dad told me, you can never quit this job. This is such a good job that you have. I already knew I had a desire to do something on my own. But that fear played over and over in my mind. I'm a single mom. Like, you know, so, and I know we're talking that's about a job, and you know, there's some very low buy-in. If you just want to start knitting or if you want to go to Hobby Lobby and get some paint supplies, I don't know where you get paint supplies. Forestall. Never, oh, I love forestall. I only get art framed there though. Um, but I do think that that fear piece is a big one that keeps people, that is the thing that keeps us from taking the first step, whatever that looks like.

SPEAKER_02 12:52

Yeah, and I think fear looks different per personality. Like for years I was so worried about embarrassing myself. And I had this like, if I'm not good at it the first time, it's just not gonna happen for me.

SPEAKER_01 13:04

Oh my God. Wow. Talk about um building resiliency around, and I will say I definitely resonate with that. When I was young, it was like I wanted to be really good at the things that I was trying. And now the older that I get, the more I'm I have maybe just I'm okay in the discomfort of trying to figure things out. Like the amount of help that I have needed to write this book, the editors, the collaborators, people to ask good questions, help me understand how to build a larger scene. Like I'm really great at vignettes, I could bring you to tears or laughter and 300 words. But the moment that we get into the 50,000, 70,000, boy, oh boy, I mean, have if I was to have given up the moment I thought, damn, this is uncomfortable or I'm not that good at this, I would have given up immediately. Cause I wasn't, I'm still learning, a lot to learn.

Hobbies Versus Creative Vulnerability

SPEAKER_02 14:02

Yeah. So I mean, when we're little, and y'all everyone's heard like the brain just a sp the brain is a sponge and all that. And that's true. And kids are way more fearless than adults. So we have this idea that once you hit a certain age, you're kind of in like a rhythm, and you're in the part where you're like, okay, well, I thought I knew all of this stuff, but now I have to learn so much more with editors and collaborators and whatever. Um, we're usually by mid-30s and 40s kind of set in our um family cadence and work cadence. And there's so much to be said for the security of that that we might not think we need to expand in hobbies or the creative journey. And so I think it's important to name that a hobby is I'm gonna go external and bring it in. So I'm gonna go learn this thing externally. And maybe that helps with um physical well-being, like when I started running, like that really changed a lot for me, both physically, emotionally, and mentally. So it's bringing the outside in. Um, it can feel risky, but it's less risky because there's like laughter involved. Like if you make a mistake, hopefully you have humor around it. Everyone's playing mahjong, it seems. That's a really complicated game. It's being able to like have fun, bring this new thing in, challenge the brain. Creativity is the opposite. Like with book writing, podcasting, it's I had this spark inside me and I'm going to gift it outward. That is typically, at least psychologically, it's perceived more risky because it's so vulnerable. I'm exposing this maybe secret part of myself. And then what you're talking about when you had friends at the lake and I told you about my etiquette thing, and when I told people about what I wanted to write, I've sat down with the people I'm closest to because it's a it wasn't that I was necessarily looking for feedback. I was like, I want to say this out loud so I do it.

SPEAKER_01 16:13

Oh, I think that one of the things I've learned about myself is over the years, is I lived in a secret vacuum a lot where I was like, I just I have this thing and I want to do it, but I'm not gonna tell anybody. One and your gatekeeper thing. Oh no, I don't think it was like fear somebody's gonna steal my idea. I think it was more of just like, what if people think this is dumb? Or what if this isn't a good idea? So maybe I should run it down the road. But I do think what I have learned is that if you bring in trusted people and you tell them, they start to mirror back to you, like, wow, that you would be so good at that. Like when you told me about your etiquette thing, I was like, Claire, this is one, it's such a cool niche. Like you have such a fun voice, and nobody will, well, maybe some people will be like, how dare you say we can't do potlugs anymore. But I thought it was really cool. And it sounds like more and more doors keep opening, which is, I think, how you know you're on to something good. Back to hobby, though. I like what you said about that. That a hobby is something that is kind of personal, like it's something you can do on your own at your kitchen table and you don't really have to bring anybody in, um, unless you know you join the trail running crew. Um, but but it's true. I really never thought of it that way.

SPEAKER_02 17:24

Well, in hobbies, I mean both probably, but hobbies more so will challenge the adult like competency level. Like, can I still do this? Like, can my body still do it? Can my brain still do this? And so that's a competency challenge where creative endeavors, like when I decided to paint, um, or when I can like joke about I've bought the ukulele, the needlepoint, the whatever, that's identity. That's hugely different. Now, hobbies can become identity. Like I've met all these new friends in trail running and whatever, but I wouldn't say my hobby is my identity necessarily. But working on this etiquette stuff and you working on your book, that's an identity challenge of like, who am I? What do I believe?

SPEAKER_01 18:08

Um, what are the gifts I want to give to the world? Like, how do I want to heal the world with my own story? Uh, one of the things I learned at on-site was this like the difference between a human being and a human being.

SPEAKER_02 18:17

On-site's therapy camp, by the way, and that's great. And we've both gone as clients.

SPEAKER_01 18:20

So go ahead. Oh, yeah. So sorry. Yes. If you ever have the opportunity, my vote is you go. Um, but on-site therapy camp, adult summer camp, if you will, one of the things they teach you there is what you're not allowed to tell people what you do. So you're not allowed to talk about your job. For the whole time you're there, it's like a subject that's just off the table. And it forces you to be a human being when oftentimes we're just so good at being human doings. Like who we are is so so associated with how we make our money. Um, that it really challenged me to think about okay, if I can't tell people what I do for a living, what do I say about myself? And it really helped me untether myself, my identity from my job. Because if good grit went away, if the book went away, if I was just this woman that I got to be friends with you, I would be able to say I'm a storyteller and I don't have to make money to be a storyteller. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I think that that was it's a good one. Hobby master, do you have thoughts?

SPEAKER_00 19:24

Well, I mean, lots of thoughts. But I mean, you know, my thing is like the challenge, right? I love a challenge and like proving to myself that I can do it, like whatever. Learning to ride a unicycle.

SPEAKER_01 19:33

I was about to say the unicycle sticks out to me so hardcore.

SPEAKER_00 19:36

Because it's like the prime example. Because I don't care, I don't want to ride a unicycle, but it looked so challenging and almost impossible that I was like, I have to learn so I can understand like how it works. And so once I could ride it, I never wrote it again. Once I passed my goal of like being able to ride it for so long and turn and do all this stuff, then I was like, okay, and I've not touched it since. Like the other day, I thought, like, I should just post this and be like, hey, this is free to a new home, but you have to send me a video in three months of you riding it. Like you have to teach yourself to write it. Or I'm coming to get it, and you would like repo it. And then you have to give it to someone else, or like, whatever. I think that's a cool thing. Like, re borrowed it and learned how to ride it, and he's like, Okay, good.

SPEAKER_02 20:14

So, what's the payoff? Like, when you choose something like the unicycle, what a good example. You're not going to join a circus. It's like the challenge. What's the payoff for you? What does it feel like?

SPEAKER_00 20:26

I guess it's the pat on the back. It's my brain thanks me. No, I mean, like, you know, we've talked about this with ADHD stuff. Like, I don't get the normal uh brain pat on the back.

SPEAKER_01 20:36

Yeah, ADHD. Your ADHD brain needs more. Right.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Yeah. But also, like, I just like doing fun, silly stuff. Like, I enjoy it, and that may bounce around a lot. Like, it may not always be the same thing. Um, but like I've been learning to do a backflip when I was almost 40. Like, I've never done a backflip as well. I was like, I'm gonna learn to do that. And so I did.

SPEAKER_02 20:55

So you go more towards like the physical challenge.

SPEAKER_00 20:59

I think probably so. Yeah. I I think so.

SPEAKER_02 21:02

Like the thought of learning how to do a backflip gives me incredible anxiety.

Neuroplasticity And Age Myths

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Sure, it did a little bit, but but I but whatever. It's actually, and then it's really easy once you learn how to do it. But whatever. I think this too. And tell me if I'm wrong about this, Claire. We may get into this. But like when you're younger, your brain has more plasticity. Like the ability to adapt and learn stuff. It doesn't mean you go it goes away. You can still learn more.

SPEAKER_01 21:26

Well, we've we've now learned it doesn't go away.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

It doesn't go away. But I mean, like it's it's why it's easier to learn multiple languages when you're young as opposed to when you're 40s.

SPEAKER_02 21:35

Well, and if you think of um we all have children, so go back they physically grow so much between about zero and seven or eight. It is just insane. And then in those tween years, it's not a ton. Like And then overnight. And then post puberty, I mean Bertie's taller than me, and I'm like, what happened? Well not that it's not the same humor weird. Um so then they have that next spurt, and then we kind of stabilize. That's like it, you know, like some guys will have like a later spurt in high school. Um, but after that like big push, we're kind of done, you can think of the brain in the same way, like as the body grows. Um, but what we do know is as adults, it just takes repetitive pattern over and over and over again. And the the kind of thinking part of the cognition is the belief that you can, that it's possible. Because I mean, I can remember being in my 20s and asking my mom to go camping, and she's like, I don't do that anymore. And I was like super sad, but honestly, now I like also kind of dread camping, and I'm like, I totally see that. But I think there was a belief for our parents' generation that you can't teach an old dog new tricks, and it kind of is what it is, and you stay in the same job forever. And the millennial generation, or your ex.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

I I don't know. No, no, no, no. I'm 80, which honestly used to be.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

No, 80 is X, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

Used to like went from like I feel like X is the lost generation. No, honestly, because it said it said so whatever year to 79 was whatever, and then 81 to and I was like, 80 is just not in there, and then they did change it a couple years ago and put 80 in one.

SPEAKER_01 23:21

I would say you're more millennial than X.

SPEAKER_02 23:24

Well, regardless, we're around the same age, is my point that I believe our generation really started challenging that. Like you can see that um we kind of appear younger in a lot of ways than our parents might have at the same age. And I don't mean like a lack of wrinkles, but Well, and also thank you, Botox. But yes. What I mean is um even women like we keep our hair longer for longer periods of time. Yeah, we stay active. That's right. Um, we stay active in different ways. Um, and I think we're like pushing ourselves in different ways. We're not just like sitting down and doing crossword puzzles. Not that my parents were doing that at 40.

SPEAKER_00 24:04

Definitely not for everyone, but there is a much larger uh amount of people exercising and being active now than they're a generation before us.

SPEAKER_01 24:12

That's right. Well, I mean, think about what they were marketed like cigarettes are healthy.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

And jazzer size. And yeah.

SPEAKER_01 24:18

Jazz or size and like put on a leotard and let's just, you know, pop those super. Smackwell cookies.

SPEAKER_02 24:26

I mean, I loved them as a kid. Do y'all remember? Oh, devil's food. Yes, duh, devil's food. If I ate them now, I think I would have to spit it in the house. It doesn't matter. I want it. Pull it out of the sleeve and slim fast and a devil's food cookie.

SPEAKER_01 24:41

I mean, you know, we were they were on Dexatrim, and like obviously our generation has her own variation of that. But yeah, I do think that that when you look at the they call us the why generation because we asked the question why. It was like curiosity became a big part of who we are as a generation when you think of millennials. So we started asking not only our parents why more for longer, but we also kind of started challenging what had been normalized. And I think we broke out of some of those things, which is a great thing. I agree. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:14

I have a lot to say on generational things, but I'll zip it. So neuroplasticity is real. It takes a level of fearlessness of like, okay, I can fail and it can be super funny or who cares. Um, and even if it's a creative endeavor, I'm gonna start a Substack, a podcast, write a book, uh, pitch myself to a magazine, uh, paint something, whatever it is, it's risking that it might not work out, but it was worth the investment of time, anyways, because it feels good and the challenge is good.

SPEAKER_01 25:48

Well, and you're building neuroplasticity, which will help you continue to grow and evolve and learn.

SPEAKER_02 25:54

And we aren't too old. That's not real. Yeah. I mean, I'm not gonna do a backflip, but that's also I never wanted to, even as a kid. That is the thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:02

Well, I didn't want to either. I was terrified of them. It's just then like when Lila was like, I want to learn a backflip, I was like, Okay, I'll do it. Let's go. I'll do it.

SPEAKER_01 26:10

I love that you're that dad. That's it.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

And then I've loved it because that is something I use still. Like your party trick? Yeah, like I mean at the pool, or if there is a trampoline, or like or if you're at the lake or whatever, like check this out.

SPEAKER_02 26:25

Uh, you want to recap us? Do you have like a fun quote on dreams? Dreaming big.

SPEAKER_01 26:29

No, here's what I will tell you though. I think that anytime that I get to encourage somebody who maybe is nervous about doing a big uh saying their big thing out loud, I will just tell you that the sooner you can do it and say it to people who like love you and know you pretty well, the sooner you'll start to see like, man, this isn't just something that's inside of me. Like maybe this is in alignment with my gifts and I should pursue it. Doors will typically start to open the moment that you say things out loud.

SPEAKER_02 27:00

The moment it is so real. If it's the right thing. If it's I've had endeavors that never landed or launched um that I really thought would. Like I've had good ideas or business ideas. That's how Laura and I met. I had this like whole idea for this giant business center of wellness. It wasn't a bad idea. It was a great idea. It was not the time for me.

SPEAKER_01 27:22

But you know, but you know what was the good idea? That I had an idea for a podcast and and that we got to open this door together and we sat at lunch for hours and hours.

SPEAKER_02 27:32

So like it opened a it, what is the phrase? Like a door closes and another window opens something.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

You know, one door closes, another one opens, right?

SPEAKER_02 27:41

Sure. Never correct me. So the windows fly open. Um, but I've had a million ideas. That's how my brain has worked. Yeah, they have not all landed, but they've led to the next thing. They've been stepping stones. Like when I was in grad school, I was working at a bagel store and Lush, like the soap store. Those were not my career paths. They were like my stepping stones to the thing. So if your grand creative idea or the hobby doesn't stick, it just leads you to the next if you're open about it.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Yeah, and to your point, like it all matters wherever you are. If you're not in the career you want to be or you haven't been able to start your dream yet, like I promise wherever you are will serve you later down the line. You just don't know that until you have enough perspective. I think we could all look back at our life and be like, you know, I don't, I didn't know then what I was learning at Lush, or let's say Utaka, the um, I worked at a Japanese restaurant when I was 18, and only the woman yelled at me to move faster and to shut up. And um, you know, I was actually a good training. What a blessing. What a blessing.

SPEAKER_00 28:49

Taught you how uh you don't want to yell at people. You shouldn't.

SPEAKER_01 28:52

I literally taught me like, I don't want to be you. You suck.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Wouldn't you like I would give a lot of money to see video footage of us in the service industry? Like oh God.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

I was I was a sonic skate girl, and I am the clumsiest person. All the time.

SPEAKER_02 29:11

I can imagine you coming in hot to windows, like roll it down.

SPEAKER_01 29:15

Literally. And people would come just to see me fall, I think. And I talk about being okay with the failure. That was, but I made a lot of tips. And people felt so sorry for me. I made like 150 bucks a day. That was great.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

Oh man, we showed this video.

SPEAKER_01 29:31

Yeah, well, I am so thankful there's not. Hey, here's a challenge. If you have a dream or a hobby that you're thinking of pursuing, talk to somebody about it. Call a tier one, let them know. Take a step, just one step.

SPEAKER_02 29:47

Before you cut bangs is hosted by Lara Quick and Claire Fearman and produced by Will Lockmany.

SPEAKER_01 29:53

Follow along with us everywhere. Please subscribe to the podcast. Find us on Instagram. We're constantly doing polls. We want to know what you think. And I know that you probably know this, but reviewing us and giving us five stars matters more than anything, and we are so grateful to have you here.

SPEAKER_02 30:10

We talk so much on the podcast about seeking therapy, getting help, finding resources. I would love to be able to help you with that. My website is up and running and beautiful. It is goodgrowthwithclaire.com. So, whether you're in the state of Alabama or not, I want to be able to help direct you to the right resources. Goodgrowthwithclaire.com.