3.20 Porch Talk w/ Alycia Levels Moore

We owe you a quick apology—the audio on this episode is a little rough in spots, but stick with us because the conversation is absolutely worth it. 

This week we're joined by Alycia Levels Moore, a powerhouse in economic and community development, for a conversation about building stronger neighborhoods, helping entrepreneurs succeed, and why Birmingham is full of opportunity for people willing to invest in their community. She explains what economic development really looks like beyond the buzzwords and why creating the right environment helps businesses—and people—thrive.

Then the conversation gets deeply personal. Alycia shares what it's like raising four young kids while balancing a demanding career, learning to ask for help, and navigating grief, marriage, boundaries, and the friendships that sustain us through life's hardest seasons. It's an honest, thoughtful episode about ambition, resilience, and the importance of building a community that shows up when you need it most. If you've ever struggled to carry it all alone, this one's for you.

Transcript

Welcome And Port Talk Series

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to Before You Cut Bangs. I'm Laura Quick. I'm a professional storyteller and I'm writing my first book. And I'm Claire Fearman. I'm a therapist, but I'm your therapist. Full disclaimer, take what you like, leave the rest.

SPEAKER_03 0:16

Hey all, it's Brain, and me and Claire are kicking off a new series called Port Talk, where we are talking to the baddest women we know. They are powerful in their own right. Anything from Pilates to ringing the bell on Wall Street, going public with a company, moms of four children and still running multiple businesses, interior design, you name it, we're talking about it on the boards, and it is so fun and so enlightening. And they're all listeners. So maybe you could be on one of our boards talks. We'd love to hear from you. But we're glad you're here. Thanks for tuning in.

A Panel Leads To Friendship

SPEAKER_04 0:56

So I was invited, I have no idea what the show's name, but they invited me to a panel who's this Center for Excellence for entrepreneurs.

SPEAKER_05 1:06

So yeah, it was um the City of Birmingham a region. Yes. And so one of the young ladies who works there came to our workshop. And she was like, I thought of you, and I really wanted you to be on this panel because you've been a business owner for a decade and whatever. And so uh when I get there, this magnetic ray of sunshine was our host. And she was the facilitator. She was asking all the interview questions, and she was like, I'm like getting casual. And I was like, I already love you. I'm obsessed.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Then I go sit down with her because I just liked her so much. And I was like, Can I have coffee? I want to come to your place, which I'll let you tell us what you do.

SPEAKER_03 1:41

And we laughed and cried. Yep. And probably could have sat there all day.

SPEAKER_05 1:45

Okay. All right, tell us about it. You

Economic Development Made Personal

SPEAKER_05 1:48

know, I'll say so. My name is Alicia Lovelsmore. I was born in SA, New York. I was raised in East Atlanta. Um, I'm now in Birmingham. And I'm kind of like, in my mind, I'm a global citizen. And so, you know, but the the the workies, the work I do with how we connect it is um I really focus on economic development and community development. And a lot of times people don't even know what that means. Um, but I just always had this thing for why does this neighborhood look like this? Why do these stupid entrepreneurs not have this? And so what is that? And in my journey to understand, I learned about community and economic development. And so my main goal is to really help crack open the potential of other people. And that just happens to fall under economic development. And so our main goal is to support business owners, entrepreneurs to grow, to scale. And ultimately, because I have four kids that live here to grow the economy at Alabama, because like that matters, right? And states and economies, they don't work without business owners, without entrepreneurs, without thinkers and doers and problem solvers. And so my whole mission is just to support them, to help them. Um, because everybody has something, right? But a lot of times it's if that gift is not in the right environment, it really doesn't get the water it needs to grow. And so I'm just kind of like the warder, man. I'm just like, hey, you could do it. Come on, if I play it, don't play it with me. But you really are water for like the soul. Yeah, I'm telling you, I love that conversation.

SPEAKER_04 3:10

I was like, wow, she's never getting rid of me.

SPEAKER_05 3:13

I know this same, I can say to you, like, hey, what you doing? Like, you know, because because it was it was just so it was so much, and there was so it it felt very kindred, right? Like, in terms of just like life experiences, how you navigate challenges. And it doesn't matter like where you come from, what your background is. Like, we're my grandmother, Maya Angelo, used to tell me all the time that we're more light than we are different. I don't know why you guys are laughing because she's a really great grandmother.

SPEAKER_04 3:41

I love her. She almost she taught me something. That is also a quote that came from that first initial meeting, and I was like, I love that you just said Maya Angelo is your grandma.

SPEAKER_05 3:51

You know, because sometimes in life, like you can't really pick your family, but you can definitely create them in your imagination. That's it, and I just collected people to help me get through this thing. And so it's just one of those. You have to do that. I think wise adults have family of choice. Yeah, whether you know them or not, that's

Birmingham As A Land Of Opportunity

SPEAKER_05 4:08

okay. Yeah. Um, do you like well first? Do you like Birmingham better than Atlanta? Um, well, I wouldn't say better, but I think one of the things I was able to see, because every place has like its own for sure. And so I think one of the things I was able to really appreciate about Birmingham with my personality is it really was like a land of opportunity. There's so many things that need to be done. There's so many things. You're like, this place was a shit open.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

And so I really gave it away.

SPEAKER_04 4:32

I literally kept that. I did not say that. I love Birmingham, it's amazing.

SPEAKER_05 4:37

Um, no, you know, I just said I like the cognitive reframe that there is a lot of opportunity. That's what we say in therapy. We're like, I have this, I want to invite you to this opportunity to change everything, to change everything. I mean, there was a lot of opportunity. And so I think the thing I appreciate about Birmingham was that if you come with the right mentality, fall up mic for a sentence. If you come with the right mentality, and you have interior, like you really can do a lot of different things. So I saw like there was just a lot of grey out with it. So, what's the day in the life with it?

Four Kids Under Seven Reality

SPEAKER_05 5:10

Oh, that's loaded. So I have four kids. Um, my oldest is seven. So there's seven. I'm sorry. Well, stop there. You are in it. I'm in it. And any babes. In it. In it. How those today? Seven, five, four, and two. She's a psycho. Yeah, the twos are kind of rough. Yeah. One was planned and then, you know, just kind of irresponsible. I mean, I have some children, not four, but I really like them. Two is hard. I like them. Two is cool. The two-year-old and myself have three girls, one boy, and my boy actually came after my husband had a bisectomy. The doctor said we never seen anything like this before. His body just healed it, so we thought we were done. Because the man was just producing girls, and I was like, I'm done. I'm sick of it. And so, you know, but I knew, and I told Lord this story. So, you know, I I had my first pregnancy was in this character, it was devastated. I prayed, I had a dream, and the Lord showed me like a baby boy, right? And so I'm like, Yeah, that's it. October of 2017. So I gerbled and I'm like, surely my next kid is gonna be a boy, because the Lord said so. Girl, girl, girl, I'm still gonna be guy, I'm done. It's like you got it, right? And so he had a vasectomy five years to the date, October 2020, whatever he was born. And it was, and the doctor was like, he never said anything like this, so body just fused back together. Wait, he just breezed through something really fast that I'm gonna I'm gonna

Grief When You Are A High Performer

SPEAKER_05 6:32

ask you. Yeah, it was talking about. Um Navigating Mr. Jubina, high performer, high passing woman. Yeah, uh, taught me about Reef. What you do, Reef? Now, why are you doing it on this nice, beautiful day?

SPEAKER_04 6:45

With all these long hair machines in the background and spring, passing that hair.

SPEAKER_05 6:49

You know, that's a really good question because it was really tough. Um, I had a really hard time. A friend of mine, she gave me a book called Heart Made Whole. And that helped me because my natural function was just to blaze past it. Just like a deadline. Hey, we have two weeks to until this project is due. This is sprint one on the project quant. And you got two weeks to get over and shake news moving. And I my body just couldn't. My body couldn't, my heart couldn't, my emotions couldn't. It was like the lowest point. And so, what I learned in that process, and what I also had to take it to this is entrepreneurship, is sometimes you have to let yourself break. You have to fall apart, you have to let your heart break, you have to fall into a million pieces, and trust that God will help and put yourself back together. And you'll never be the same person, and that's okay. Because the person before loss or the person before grief or the person before tragedy is is gonna need to be a different person after, right? And so I learned to be a different person, but it was tough because in order to allow yourself to break, you also have to be okay with going into the darkness, but realize like I can't stay here, I have to have to come out, you know? And so um, so it it's it was tough, but I grew so much and I learned so much about myself in business. So now in business, when stuff happens, I'm like, yeah, I I survive so much, like I'm fine. It's okay. We talk about that, that discomfort is kind of like tasks where all the good stuff happens and it's the place none of us want to be.

SPEAKER_04 8:18

Yeah, right? What what you said so many good things in that that I was like, which one does I think we're gonna

Marriage And Family Of Choice

SPEAKER_04 8:25

grab? But I wanna pull one thing out that you said because you've also been married for how many years?

SPEAKER_05 8:31

Uh 13 years in August. 13 years, and your husband has this like solid family unit. Yeah. He moved to Birmingham, yeah, solid family unit. Uh your family looks a little different than that very much. Okay. It's like what okay. But talk to us a little bit about the different, but really they're not watching us for sure. Still care. But I think can't you ever find them today? Watch it with the I'm just playing. No, but like, what would you what's that been like? Did you type us that'll be like Yeah, you know, she's running the therapy session right now. I'm not, I'm not a therapist. Remember when I said an iJMA? Yeah, it it's um that's different. You know, when you come into a relationship with anybody long-term friend or like an intimate like partnership relationship, you have two imperfect people coming together trying to learn how to do light together and provide grace to each other through like the abs and close, ups and down. When I can say one thing I was just telling my husband this week, I've I'm really appreciative of how he's been able to show us. Like, marriage is not easy. Everybody knows that. Sometimes it's trash. Sometimes like, you know what, Laura, I do it constantly. God bless you. She's joking. She's been sweep out of so many. I I've had several accidents. And listen, it happens to the rest of us. I mean, it's just like, it's really like it's like Russian room.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

Never happened to you, but thank you for smelling it.

SPEAKER_05 9:52

It's like Russia Rulement. You just never know what you're gonna get. I think, you know, I think you just you you just kind of have you're like, oh, oh my god, I'm dead. And so you have like these moments, right, where depending on what your boundaries are, like some things you can take and some things you can't, right? And so I've I've been fortunate with some of the stuff actually kind of I can take. Um, but it was a blessing having someone who came from a us had a stronger um family unit. It's not a perfect one, right? But it's it's a more resilient work. I'll say that. And that was very healing because sometimes when you don't get what you need in one environment, you have to be okay and open to allowing cuts to show up in that way for you. So I had to allow my mother-in-law to show up in a more mothering nurture. It took a little while, but I'm here. That's my girl, Anibra. And so Do you let her take care of you? I do now, yes. I do now. Because I mean you have to detach yourself from like the relationships that you wanted and like grieve those things. Because sometimes you like read the stuff that's still alive. Like sometimes you think grief is just things that have ended. But it's like you can grieve things that are still very much alive because you're grieving the vision of what could have been, what you thought was going to be, what you would have hoped it to be. And you kind of have to like lay to rest what it really is, you know? We talk about that. When I told her I was writing their book called Mommy Issues, yeah, she was like, and we connected a lot on just, and thus, I feel like you're speaking nice little language or just knowing. I always say, like, I'm more in the relationship I'm not gonna have with some family members, and I think it's the limb I walk with my whole life. It's also the one that allows me to heal other people. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_04 11:28

Like I feel like where we get most wounded, if we can tend to ourselves and do the work, as Claire says, all the time, and just make those two debris shifts one at a time, that eventually that becomes where we heal others.

Asking For Help Without Shame

SPEAKER_04 11:40

You talk a lot about your tribe and how you've got these four kids under seven. Yep. Uh, and you run, you run multiple. I do.

SPEAKER_05 11:50

How do you how you I love what you said about what do you what do you let people do for you? Yeah, I mean, first of all, I let people show up for me. I don't mind asking for help. Help me. I'm just a girl. I got all these kids. What are you doing during the day? Come watch these kids. Like, whatever don't help me. Like, I don't mind asking for help. Like, pick these kids up, dress these kids. Like, my son had a project at school, it's like a black history project, and they had to be somebody from the 80s. I'm like, I'm not crafty, I'm not creative in that way. Auntie, come do this project, give us a trifle. I'm gonna cash up and go with the markers. Just this boy up for this project. I'm not doing that. I'm tired. You know, and so it's just like I'm okay. Even in parenting, operate in my zonely genes, right? And so it's like, I need help, I beat too much to try to, I don't want to be superman. Say, I can't possibly eat ill. That hurts. I'm allergic to that.

SPEAKER_01 12:38

Every woman we've interviewed in this, like, I could like have a vial of these like different things that if I needed a little bit of you, I appreciate it, and that would be it. I'm like, I'll fall on every last sword until I run rap.

SPEAKER_05 12:53

It's like, no, I can't, but see, I did, and I only learned that through trying to do that and realizing how incapable I was, and it just wasn't cute. Like, I want to look cute on my skin to look good, my hair looks cute. I don't want to look like what I've been through.

SPEAKER_01 13:06

You're right. And I will say, I learned that when I got a divorce, oh gee, I had two little kids, and we co-parent really well. But at the time it was COVID, my parents lived 2,000 miles away and I was drowning, and people kept saying, like, you're such a badass, you're such a badass. And it went from complimentary to like I didn't want to hear it anymore because I wanted somebody to show up and take care of me. Like I was empty, I was so empty. And that was probably the biggest pivot for me. And to your point, you had so many. I had to get to the darkest place to be able to like, oh, wake, here's the light, and this is what I'm gonna do. And that's what I think strong women do for each other. It's like go to the depths of the the darkness with you and then like pull you out the other side.

SPEAKER_05 13:54

But you do have to go there over and over again. Oh, I found yeah, yeah. And then too, like, I think sometimes we don't realize it that when we show up with trying to, without showing a trace of cracking, people don't even know how to show up. So I had to keep on that. I didn't know you, you looked fine, you look okay. I mean, your hair look all right, you got some clothes on, like, you know, like they're like, Oh, you look okay. Because sometimes we're like, let me just let me show up. And so people sometimes don't even know that we that we're desperately crying for help and just looking for someone that's like, are you okay? And so, like, but I think sometimes if you're strong like that, you do have to make sure you have a even if it's small, a circle of women who will ask you the tough question and look at you and be like, girl, stop playing to me. Because I have a friend like that, and she's like, You're really weird, and I'm not gonna give it.

SPEAKER_01 14:40

What would you we talk about friendships a ton?

Building Friendships Past The Surface

SPEAKER_01 14:43

Uh, what would you say to women that might not have that? They have maybe like we're cocktail our friendships. What would you tell them or advise them to do?

SPEAKER_05 14:52

Yeah, I mean, I I'll say it like this. I think it's important to nurture relationships well beyond the surface level because life is happening and you cannot be like, There have been times when I just needed to make like sometimes you life is so you don't have the words. Like all you have is AB. All you have is a what and you need someone just to just sit there, right? And you can't do that with the girls you drink just drinking champagne with. They're like, uh, stop crying in my cup. Like, can you move? Like, you know, and so you have to be, but in order to have a friend, you have to be a friend. And some of us are so afraid to go beyond surface of it. It's like in order to have someone that can be vulnerable with you, we gotta be vulnerable with someone else. And so everybody doesn't deserve that space. But if there's keeping you connected, like let them in because life is going to happen, and you're gonna need someone to take your hand and walk alongside you and say, like, hey, like, I'm I'm wiki, you know. So, like, just be open to be afraid. And sometimes some kids say, Oh, well, you know what that means, right? What does that mean? For me, it's tough because I take friendship very seriously. I'm a Virgo, and if you cross me, you're debitted. Do you understand? I mean it. I I mean it because I know I when I'm connecting, I'm corn everything I have. I'm wiki. Like a lot of my friends are out of state. If they call me right now, I would get in that car and I would go out across state life. No question asked. Because the kids, only maybe a couple of them in the car seat and go across state, I would do it, right? So I take friendship very seriously. But defining that is, you know, I can't define, I will define it from the the qualities that I have, right? It's being loyal, it's be available, it's allowing grace for people. Because some of your closest friends, like they're going to things. So they're not gonna call you every day. I don't have time to send the phone with you for two or three hours. If you call me, I'm there. If you need me, I'm there. Sometimes because I'm praying for you and I love you, you just pop up in my spirit. It's checking on making sure you're okay, right? It's loyalty, it's providing grace, it's safety, right? And it's being present for the moments that matter, right? I'm having a baby, girl, come see me. Ugh, you might got this big old diaper. I'm tired, all this stuff coming out. Come here. Like, just sit, just sit with me. It's showing up for the moments that matter, right? Like, who can you call for the moments that matter? And then look when you call just because something funny happened. He's like, I just need somebody to be set up. Like, it live, no one else would care about this. Yeah, I just need some like soft to, and that's the beauty of friendship. My all of my friendships are the closest ones are 20 years. Right? I just went to New York when I met we known that for 20 years. Like, I get on her nerves, she on my nerves. I I'm not going nowhere. That's Claire's. I mean, I don't know that shit they get on your nerves. I'm saying you had a lot of longer and a friend tonight. You're she's exhausted. Oh no, no. I was just saying, like, I don't have that same, I only have one friend that I had for 20 years, and I love her, and she's a true speaker for sure. Alright, what would you say to 25-year-old me? What does

What I Would Tell My Younger Self

SPEAKER_05 17:57

she need to hear? I got married at 24 HT by. Um It was like three kiggs. I was in a nean city and state. Yeah, I used to cry anything like that. Okay, oh my god. So I'm I'm I'm sitting with like the the the woman, the young lady that I was at that time. Um I would tell her, and this is how everyone says, but it's like they're going to be okay. Like it's it's gonna work out. Like, and it may look different. Because I think you know, we all kind of create like those plans, and I'm out. It's gonna look you're gonna do things that you never even had a title for. But like just go with the flop. Like, just trust yourself, go with the flow, be open to it. I was um reading a book one time, he was talking about we overestimate what we can do in a year, and we underestimate what you could do in a decade. And so a lot of times, like, yep, this is my year. 365 days, I'm gonna be a new woman. No, you're not. In two weeks, babe, you're gonna be exhausted. But if you look at your life and you plan it in a decade, you give yourself grace, you give yourself time for the evolution of who you are, what you thought you wanted. And then when you hit that milestone, you feel a little different, you know? And so I remember just, you know, before planning the years, and and now I kind of plan the decades. And when I look at it, I'm like, you're doing all right. Like it doesn't look like no one should have told me when I was like 21. Hey, you're gonna live in Alabama, first of all. Let's shape it off, is you're gonna have a gang of kids. Like, I mean, a ton of kids. Because at first, I I did not want kids and I didn't have a kid theory. I was like, I'm just gonna be rich auntie status. Like, I come in with my fur coat, I pass her a couple of gifts, and I'm like, uh, sorry, it has to go, I'm getting ready to go on my cruise with my boyfriend. You know what I'm saying? I'm like 75. Like, that's 80. He's 80. I love him. That was that was like the vision. I was like, yeah, I'll have time for all of that. But as I encounter more life, my perspective started to change, my heart started to expand. Uh, and realized I feel like write my own story. You know, I was so trapped by like what I had seen from other women before. And I had seen some women that motherhood and thing of liking it part of them. I was like, yuck, I don't want and getting mad and having kids mean the end of my life, yuck, I don't want it, you know? And so, but then I was a therapy, and you know, they said, Hey, do you know that you are not them? And you can write your own story. So that's why I had four kids with me business that each other on Cracky. And I decided. I took what that therapist said, and I was like, I rare. I'm taking that to the bank. I rare with things, you know, and it was like, because this is my story, and I can do what I want to do, and these kids can come into this building, they could come to this meeting. I can do whatever I want to do because this is my life, and I get one opportunity.

Writing Your Own Story As A Woman

SPEAKER_05 20:53

Like, this is not a dress rehearsal, so yeah, it may take a little more work, but it's Murday. I own it. What if we not asked you or mentioned that you need Wilson? I think it's just kind of time to see what I was just saying. Like, we as women, we have the right cheat out story. And to be who you want to be. And we can change that. I'm not a tree. I can lose. If I'm doing something right now, I'll do something different to my if I want to. Because who's gonna tell me I think? You know, and so I agree. You know, it's like so it's about writing your own story. I don't have to give an explanation for why I choose to do that. If I want to take these kids to this man and move to another country, I would do that. Do you want to hear it? I know she did say it. And guess what? And I'm like, oh my god, you can't do that with kids. Why are why can't I? Yeah. And so it's just about like liberating your soul. Like, this is because women carry so much. We carry so much. So why am I giving an explanation for how I'm truly living my life? I can do what I want to do, I can be who I want to be, I could be every version and evolution of myself. That's my mother, my answer's taught me. Like, you literally just make everything better when you show up. I love you. I love you. We're gonna live a long life, so we got time to build a little bit. I'm a fangirl. I'm a leash. When you get the what do you believe? Sweet text from her. Have you gotten ahead? Well, saying to me, she'll say, well, did a random test at like 6 a.m. and I'll be like, what are you pleading this week? Like, free.

SPEAKER_01 22:29

I don't fucking know, Laura. And but then but she really loves you. So you'll see when she's sorry. Okay, wait, wait.

SPEAKER_05 22:34

Once she's passed. I'm in the gay. I got mine the other day. She was like, hey, I was praying for you about what you told me about. Yeah. You're out, love you.

SPEAKER_01 22:44

You're out. Thank you for doing this.

Closing Thanks And How To Connect

SPEAKER_01 22:48

Before you cut bangs is hosted by Lara Quick and Claire Fearman and produced by Will Lockamy. Follow along with us everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 22:55

Please subscribe to the podcast. Find us on Instagram. We're constantly doing polls. We want to know what you think. And I know that you probably know this, but reviewing us and giving us five stars matters more than anything, and we are so grateful to have you here.

SPEAKER_01 23:11

We talk so much on the podcast about seeking therapy, getting help, finding resources. I would love to be able to help you with that. My website is up and running and beautiful. It is goodgrowthwithclaire.com. So, whether you're in the state of Alabama or not, I want to be able to help direct you to the right resources. Goodgrowthwithclaire.com.