Updated AF Collective
Welcome to the "Updated AF Collective," podcast where we celebrate the power and resilience of women.
Join me as we dive into inspiring stories, engage in meaningful conversations, and explore topics that empower women from all walks of life.
We believe that every woman has a unique strength within her, waiting to be unleashed.
Whether you're an entrepreneur, a leader, a creative, a caregiver, or simply on your own personal journey, this podcast is for you.
Updated AF Collective
From Resentment to Empowerment: My Story of Healing *EXPLICIT EPISODE*
Holding onto past resentments can weigh you down like an anchor, but what if you could break free and finally start living your life to the fullest? Join me as I recount my raw and transformative journey from a childhood filled with anger and blame to a relentless pursuit of self-improvement. This episode is not just about my story; it's a roadmap for anyone who feels trapped by their past. Discover the empowering lessons I learned during Marine Corps bootcamp, where I was forced to confront my own demons and realize that self-pity and blame were my biggest obstacles.
We'll also explore the emotional complexity of acknowledging past pain without letting it dictate your current actions. The path to personal growth and acceptance isn't easy, but it's crucial for moving forward. I share candid moments of dealing with long-term anger and the significant breakthroughs that came from embracing healing and love. Learn how to take responsibility for your own path, understand your seasons of sadness, and, most importantly, ensure they don't hinder your goals and dreams. This episode is a must-listen for anyone ready to overcome their past and step into a brighter, more empowered future.
Love what you hear? Wanna be featured on Updated AF? Shoot me a DM!
IG: Tx_Realestatedoll
Or
IG: UpdatedAFCollective_Podcast
Please don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review!
Email: UPDATEDAF@GMAIL.COM
XOXO,
Meg
Check out the new site! UPDATEDAF.COM
Hey guys, welcome back to the show.
Speaker 1:It is me, megan Wirth, your host. Today's episode is on a topic that I am extremely passionate about, because this is the topic that one ruined me like wrecked me and then rebuilt me, and I wanted to be real and vulnerable with you guys, and I didn't know at first if I was going to post this episode, but with the encouragement of my closest friends, especially one who really pushed me to be vulnerable and to put a story so that they too can find the motivation and the resilience to overcome life's challenges. So today's topic is on letting go of the people that hurt you and wronged you throughout your life, because with that baggage, as you're going through life, carrying that baggage of just hate and discontent and this resentment, it is literally keeping you down and you don't realize it. I had my awakening in bootcamp and I can honestly say, as of a year ago, I have let it go, I have let my past go, I have let the hate go, I have let it all go, and now I am only focused on healing and love and loving the people from my past with understanding, and that's what I wanted to get through today understanding and that's what I wanted to get through today. Again, if I sound irritated or pissed off in this episode, it's literally because I'm so passionate about it, because this is exactly what has given me the drive and the push to become a better person, because once you realize what's holding you back, this was what's holding me back. Once you realize what's holding you back, this was what's holding me back. Once you realize what's holding you back, you don't have an excuse anymore. You really don't have an excuse anymore on why you can't do the things that you want to do or pursue the things that you want to do. Guys, thank you so much. Enjoy the episode.
Speaker 1:Welcome to the Updated AF Collective podcast, where we celebrate the power and resilience of women. Join me as we dive into inspiring stories, engage in meaningful conversations and explore topics that empower women from all walks of life. I believe that every woman has a unique strength within her waiting to be unleashed. Whether you're an entrepreneur, a leader, a creative, a caregiver or simply on your own personal journey, this podcast is for you. Together, we'll share stories of triumph, discuss strategies for success and provide a supportive space for women to connect and grow. Get ready for real, authentic conversations that ignite your inner strength and inspire you to chase after your dreams fearlessly. Welcome to the Updated AF Collective. Hey guys, welcome back to Updated AF Collective, the podcast. I am your host, megan Wirth.
Speaker 1:Today's episode is going to be on a topic that I feel like we really need to talk about. It's something that I've had to deal with all through my childhood and most of my life, until I had the realization of you know what I was actually doing and how I was sabotaging my own happiness and my own life because of what I used to do, and I want you guys to take it with a grain of salt. Like this episode might be triggering for some, it might be another tough reality, but the good news is, if you're triggered by anything that I'm about to talk about in this podcast episode, maybe you need to take a deeper look at what is going on in your life and your mindset. I want to talk about blaming other people for the results of your life, or how your life turned out, or how your childhood was Not. All of us come from this great childhood, where they had both parents in the home. They had homework help. Every night, their parents got them up for school. Um, their dynamic was great. It was a healthy, happy childhood, home right.
Speaker 1:Not all of us had that. I sure as hell did not. And for years, years I blamed them. I blamed my entire family for how I turned out, for failing almost every single class I've ever taken in high school, including elementary school. I blamed them for me being sexually assaulted as a child. I blamed them for not pushing me in school, not having appreciation for anything I did, for not allowing me to be a better person or helping me. I blame them for not helping me with anything. I was alone most of the time because everybody in my family was off doing their own thing. I felt very forgotten. I felt very unloved and my entire childhood and in my teens I blamed them. I was angry all the fucking time. So I ran away to bootcamp. I literally ran away, and I'm not the only one that had that story. I was with 60 other girls in bootcamp that all ran away from their home too. I had a rude awakening when I I think it was like within my first 24 hours.
Speaker 1:Bootcamp's not easy, especially the Marine Corps. I picked the hardest bootcamp to go to the hardest branch of service here in the States possible because one. I was pissed off. I had a lot of built up anger, resentment towards everybody around me. I had a chip on my shoulder and I again. I needed something that I could feel proud of, because I never valued myself. I thought I was a piece of shit. Like I said, I failed out of most of my classes and I blamed everybody else. Nobody taught me to be self-motivating. I had to learn to be self-motivating. I had a rude awakening my first night in bootcamp. I was incredibly sleep deprived. The flight took forever to get from the West coast to the East coast.
Speaker 1:And as soon as you get to bootcamp, soon as you get off the bus and you get on the yellow footprints and the drill instructor surround you, um, you start crying especially. I mean, it doesn't matter if you're male or female. You start crying because, holy shit, you have the realization of what the fuck did I get myself into? What did I do to myself? I don't want to be here anymore. I'm not going to make it here. I'm not going to do well. All of the thoughts that went through my head were also going through everybody else's head too, even though we were all running away from a very toxic situation back where we came from. But it was unpredictable. Bootcamp is very unpredictable. Our lives back at home were very predictable, even if they sucked, even if they were toxic.
Speaker 1:So my first night in bootcamp I could not keep it together. It was very stressful. I cried a lot and everybody's screaming at me, yelling at me in my face, throwing things at me. It was just a shit show. And I remember being down doing pushups and this female drill instructor I don't know who she was, she wasn't my drill instructor, but I. I had an awakening when she made a comment and she kept yelling at me why are you here, recruit? Why are you here? And I couldn't, I couldn't even get a word out. I was crying so hard. Right, it's the middle of the night. I don't know what time it was. All I remember was it was very late at night or early in the morning and I couldn't get a word out.
Speaker 1:I'm sitting there and I'm sobbing while doing, trying to do these terrible pushups, because I had never worked out in my life, I had never ran, I never did a pushup. I was a weak kid. I was weak because I never pursued anything that was hard. I was too pissed off at all the time. I worked for a police department in there um, as an armor or I don't know how you want to put it equipment room. So I worked with all their weapons and stuff like that too. I worked for Chili's and I felt sorry for myself because I was also putting myself through community college. I was mad. I thought all of that work was way beneath me and it pissed me off that I was even there. Why couldn't I get hired as a police officer somewhere? Oh, it's because of ABC, it's because of this, it's because I wasn't loved as a child, it's because nobody pushed for me to get higher education. Nobody cared about me.
Speaker 1:So when I was in bootcamp and the drill instructor screaming her ass off at me and kept asking me, why are you here? And I looked at her and I said I said something along the lines of nobody fucking loves me. I was molested as a kid and I need a new start. It's hard to talk about that because I don't talk about that. So her response to that was look around. Do you think these other men and women that are here were loved or cared for? You are not the only one with that story. Get over yourself. Not even exaggerating. And if you ask anybody that has gone to Marine Corps bootcamp, that's exactly how the drill instructors talk to you there is no sympathy. And that, right, there is what I needed to hear.
Speaker 1:I know it sounds harsh, but I needed the realization of sympathy is only going to piss me off even more. It's going to keep me down. It's going to keep me from achieving my dreams. It's a waste of time. I looked for sympathy from people. I wanted the sympathy. I wanted the the woe is me people around me. I wanted to be able to vent to people at all times and get that self-satisfaction that I am the way I am because of how I was treated as a kid or how I was treated as a teenager. And guess what? My whole entire childhood and teenage time was completely wasted because I always felt sorry for myself and I made excuses. I can't do this because of ABC. I can't do that. I I'm too depressed. I can't do anything because of who I blamed. Everybody else was to blame for my actions.
Speaker 1:It took me going to bootcamp and not everybody has the privilege, right? Not everybody has the privilege of being put into an environment where it breaks you down. It literally crumbles your soul to build you back up. And when I say it breaks you down, it literally destroys you. It's a reprogramming of the mind and body and your spirit. Not everybody gets that privilege, but I thank God I did it, even though for the first month of bootcamp I was like why the fuck am I here? Nobody cares about me?
Speaker 1:I cried myself to sleep many nights because I was so addicted to trying to find that one person that felt sorry for me and said everything's going to be okay, you're going to get through this. It's okay that you are depressed and it's okay that you just want to stay in bed and cry and feel sorry for yourself. It's okay. I actually, to this day, cannot stand sympathy and I don't like when people give it to me because of how broken I felt in bootcamp, because it broke that of me. I don't like sympathy. If I vent to you, if you are my friend and I'm venting to you, trust me, there's a hell of a lot more to the story. I'm just getting a small piece of it off of my chest so that I can continue my day, and I'm not saying that what happened to you as a child is okay, cause it's fucking not. It's not. But at some point, when you wake up and you realize that nobody else is to blame, you pick yourself up, you get the help that you need and you push forward.
Speaker 1:I feel like Having people to blame is a way out of achieving your dreams, your goals and what you want to do. I feel like having somebody to blame is an excuse to why you can't be a good person, why you're always so angry all the time, why you are such a negative person, why you hate everybody around you. You hate people. God. I hate that comment when people make the comment I hate people. Why do you fucking hate people? Believe it or not, everybody says that and I hate that comment. If you hate people, you should probably go get some help, because you're still blaming everybody else around you for your problems. Nobody is coming, and if you think you're alone in your situations, you're not.
Speaker 1:You are not the only person that lost their job. You are not the only person that feels like they can't get out of bed. You're not the only person going through what you're going through right now, and that is what I have to tell myself. This conversation that I'm having with you is the conversation that I have with myself. It's not harsh, it's kind. I have to remind myself to keep going. The tough seasons of life are what's going to make the rest of my life beautiful. Only I can create a better life for myself and my daughter. That's it. It's just me. Is it sad? Fuck. No. Everybody else has other stuff that they have to deal with. But you know what, when I better myself, and what I do for myself, I do for others. I take care of my brain, I take care of my mental health so that I can help others and get them out of a dark place too. I needed that drill instructor to be very honest with me. And when I do feel alone, or if something bad happens to me, I tell myself I'm not the only one going through this.
Speaker 1:It's not an excuse to shut down. It's not an excuse to stay in bed all day. I have to get up, just like bootcamp going to suck, kick your heart. You have the choice of staying where you're at and blaming the world, not going to the gym, letting your health decline, not writing that book, not starting that podcast, not running that marathon, not attending a mastermind, not going to a Tony Robbins motivational talk, not doing what you want to do, not going after that promotion, not being a better person, not being a happier person. You have a choice. Pick your heart.
Speaker 1:I like the saying that tough times make for a beautiful life and easy times makes for a really hard life. I'm not again. I'm not saying that if you did have this beautiful life and your life has just been absolutely gorgeous from beginning all the way up until now that you're having a tough time, your tough life. But there is something to say for people that have gone through hell and back and how we have a little bit more of a higher tolerance for when shit hits the fan and we have to overcome and adapt. It's different. So making sure that I'm okay mentally, physically, emotionally, everything and making sure that you're okay and you're pushing yourself and you're getting the help that you need is only going to benefit the world. You staying stuck and down and not achieving your dreams is making you miserable and it's hurting you and we all know the saying hurt people hurt people. So again, what you do for yourself, you do for others. Here's an unpopular opinion.
Speaker 1:I put myself first over my daughter, over work, over anything. I put myself first. I fill my cup because I remember when I was in my really really toxic marriage, I didn't put myself first. I fill my cup because I remember when I was in my really really toxic marriage, I didn't put myself first. I put my daughter first and I was pouring into I was pouring an empty cup into my daughter. I had nothing to give her and I was absolutely freaking miserable and I was a shitty mom because of it. I had nothing to give her. I had nothing to give this little infant baby, but I sure as hell tried and I went into a deep, deep depression.
Speaker 1:When I woke up from my depression and I realized how I treat myself is how I treat everybody else around me, I realized I need to do better for myself, treat everybody else around me. I realized I need to do better for myself. I need to take care of myself so that I can give my daughter a great childhood. I feel like my family back when I was really little didn't have anything to give me. I was alone a lot of the time and they were all consumed with what they had going on in their life, that nobody could physically or emotionally take care of me or love me.
Speaker 1:It's just what it was. Am I mad? No, was I mad. I was pissed off for years and I let it affect me. So, again, I am sorry if this podcast episode has triggered you, but I want you all listeners all you listeners to know that it's okay to have seasons of sadness, but make sure you don't stay sad for too, too long. Make sure you are not blaming others in your past who have done you wrong, who have treated you unfair, because it's not okay. It is 100% not okay and it's okay to tell yourself it wasn't okay, but make sure you're not blaming them for how you are today, for the reasons why you can't go after exactly what you want, because you can't do it. All right, hope this wasn't too harsh of an episode but, like I said, it needed to be said and I will see you guys next Friday. Bye.
