Updated AF Collective
Welcome to the "Updated AF Collective," podcast where we celebrate the power and resilience of women.
Join me as we dive into inspiring stories, engage in meaningful conversations, and explore topics that empower women from all walks of life.
We believe that every woman has a unique strength within her, waiting to be unleashed.
Whether you're an entrepreneur, a leader, a creative, a caregiver, or simply on your own personal journey, this podcast is for you.
Updated AF Collective
What's your familiar hell costing you?
What parts of your life feel like a familiar hell - painful but too comfortable to leave behind? In this deeply personal episode, I share a powerful passage from the fourth chapter of my upcoming book "Invisible" (formerly titled "Subject to Change"), revealing how we're hardwired to choose familiar pain over unfamiliar possibilities.
The concept resonates deeply through my own story - from law enforcement to military service to PTSD therapy. That familiar hell manifests differently for each of us: toxic relationships that mirror childhood dynamics, habits that numb our pain, or careers that no longer align with our authentic selves. We stay because the predictable pain feels safer than stepping into unknown territory.
My journey required a radical shift to break these patterns, forcing me into unfamiliar territory where I could rebuild according to my true desires rather than programmed responses. What about you? What dreams are you postponing because pursuing them feels too unpredictable? What changes are you avoiding because your current discomfort at least feels knowable? That very discomfort might be your bridge to everything you want.
Join me as I navigate not just my book journey (currently in the editing and beta reader phase), but the beautiful chaos of rescuing two puppies and pursuing self-publishing with the help of bestselling mentors. The familiar might feel safe, but real transformation awaits just beyond your comfort zone. Follow along on Instagram at TX_realestate_doll or UpdatedAFCollective - I'd love to connect and hear your stories of breaking free from your own familiar hell.
N9REDKWMsXX6dT1JqjJP
Love what you hear? Wanna be featured on Updated AF? Shoot me a DM!
IG: Tx_Realestatedoll
Or
IG: UpdatedAFCollective_Podcast
Please don't forget to subscribe and leave me a review!
Email: UPDATEDAF@GMAIL.COM
XOXO,
Meg
Check out the new site! UPDATEDAF.COM
Hey guys, welcome back to Updated AF Collective, the podcast, the only podcast that I personally know of that gives you that loving kick in the ass, because I want to see you succeed, I want myself to succeed and sometimes, you know, there's no easy way out of things. So that's what that podcast, or that's what this podcast, is all about. So today's topic I want to talk about a chapter in my book that I wrote called the Familiar Hell and just a life update. I did change the name of the book. That was something. That was something that felt like more aligned, because the more I'm writing, the more I'm digging into the book and unpacking everything. Uh, subject to change. Yes, like I loved the title because, again, like we are all changing and if you're not changing you're not growing, and if you're not growing you're staying stuck and stagnant, which obviously is a slippery slope down to depression city, you know. But I changed the name because it felt, like I said, I felt more in tune and aligned. It came to me kind of like, suddenly when I was writing one of the chapters of the book and I'm like thinking. I was like, oh my gosh, like as I'm writing, it's just turning into.
Speaker 1:I guess it's like revealing the slow process of PTSD. So if you don't know what PTSD is, it's post-traumatic stress disorder. It's just a lot of trauma in a short time span, or even over a lifetime, of just suppressed trauma. That you know can present itself in very many different ways and as I was writing I could see with every chapter the slow progression of PTSD, which ultimately landed my ass in PTSD therapy here in San Antonio at the VA hospital. But we'll get to that later.
Speaker 1:The name of the chapter. So this is going to be chapter four and I'm just going to read a passage for you because it's going to have a lot to do with what we're going to talk about today. I think I've talked about this before early on in the podcast, but I don't remember like kind of like elaborating on it. And since this chapter from my book kind of resonates with what I wanted to talk about, I figured I would just read the passage and then the name changed. We'll get back to that. Completely fell off track.
Speaker 1:But the new name of the book is going to be called invisible, because it's it kind of like goes hand in hand with again like PTSD being an invisible disorder. Um, as well as how I felt throughout my entire childhood and my adult life. You know, especially being in law enforcement you are, you know, enforcement I always felt very, very invisible. Even though police officers have a very high presence, people normally only see the uniform. They don't see the actual person in the uniform. And that's facts, and I hate to say it. One officer don't get me wrong one really shit officer can screw up on one part of the country or another part of the world and we're all blamed for it, even if you know we've never screwed up, never had any issues in the past. Like again. People are only seeing that uniform and then make assumptions that we're all that way. It's really unfortunate. So yes, police officers have that visibility, that high visibility. You can see them coming from a mile away most of the time, especially if you're speeding on the highway, but for the most part the person inside of the uniform is absolutely invisible. So I ended up changing the name of the book to Invisible.
Speaker 1:So chapter four, it leads into my military time and it's called a familiar hell, familiar hell. Sorry, I'm not editing this episode, you guys, I'm kind of. I'm just. I'm actually on my phone right now because I just felt so inspired to just record something and put it out there, because this, this chapter, hit me really hard as I was writing it and then it got edited and then I reread it like four or five times to make sure that it is conveying exactly what I am trying to say. So yeah, here it is. I'm just going to read a passage. It's not going to be the whole chapter, because this chapter is really really long, because it's my military time and I'm trying to put my entire military time into one long chapter. So here it is. Chapter four a familiar hell.
Speaker 1:There's a saying that people are hardwired to choose the familiar hell over the unfamiliar heaven, no matter how destructive or painful a situation may be, we often gravitate towards what we know, because familiarity feels safe. Predictability gives us the illusion of control, even when the outcome is harmful. As children, we instinctively seek comfort and security, but for those who never received that foundation, who grew up in chaos, neglect or abuse, that search never truly ends. Instead, we spend our lives chasing a sense of safety in ways that often mirror our past traumas. Some find it in toxic relationships, drawn to partners who, in a twisted way, resemble their abuser. Others numb the pain with drugs and alcohol, suppressing wounds buried deep in the subconscious. Some seek belonging in dangerous places, mistaking dysfunction for connection. In the end, we aren't just chasing comfort. We're chasing the version of love and safety we were taught to recognize, even when it destroys us, and sometimes we aren't even aware we are doing it. But even from a past that felt bleak, something good emerged.
Speaker 1:I was given a gift the clarity to see exactly what I didn't want in life and the determination never to sell for less. Even as a young girl, I kept my eyes on the prize, refusing to let circumstances define my future. Come hell or high water, I was going to claw my way up and reach the top. I suppose you could say that discomfort shaped my resilience, forging an unbreakable will. For that I am grateful. I was the kind of girl who, if you told me I couldn't have something or that my dreams were out of reach, I would prove you wrong. I would find a way, no matter what it took, even if it meant stepping into an unfamiliar future. I was willing to take that leap because staying in a familiar hell was never an option. I had to keep moving, keep my head down and push forward, because survival was never enough. I was meant for more after screwing it all up. Afraid of screwing it all up and failing? Of course I was, but the fear of staying stuck, of stagnating, scared me more. Chaos was familiar. It was my own personal brand of hell, one I knew how to navigate. I had spent years fixing other people's mistakes, including my own. So if I chose a path that no longer aligned with where I wanted to go, I trusted myself enough to recognize it, course correct and to keep moving.
Speaker 1:That was a really, really heavy passage to write, um, but what I really wanted to convey in this is that it's okay to step out of what is familiar. When we are moving throughout life, whether we realize it or not, we are gravitating towards people and places and habits that feel familiar again, whether we know it or not. So we will gravitate towards partners who kind of will in some way remind us of an ex-boyfriend, an abusive parent, so something. There's so similarities and we always think we're the common denominator or, you know, like. Why do I keep falling for the same type of man? Yes, it is, until we course correct and wake up and recognize that you know, we keep following this pattern of behavior because of, like, the unfamiliar future. We're too afraid to step out of what is familiar. It's going to keep happening, the pattern is going to keep going and I realized that about five years ago I said, like I feel like when I woke up to this whole entire life you know that wasn't aligning with me at the time.
Speaker 1:You know, being in law enforcement, everything I worked for, I worked so hard to get to that job and to have the life that I created. But what happens when you know it no longer aligns? You do have to step out, you have to self correct or, you know, fix your course and go a different way. And that's what happened for me. And so this chapter, like I said, I was writing about leaving my familiar hell, everything very, very predictable in my little town in Northern California, stepping away from that and, you know, going and finding an unfamiliar heaven.
Speaker 1:As soon as I transitioned out and went into the military, I was like, okay, I'm going to go to heaven. I started building my own foundation of like what my life was going to look like today. It takes years and it took me years. Obviously, everybody's timeline is very, very different, but I went a really difficult path that forced me out of my comfort zone and it forced me out of, you know, predictability. I needed that. I needed to be like, knocked off course, woken up and taken out of my situation that I currently was in and put in a new one so I can start over.
Speaker 1:So I want to ask you where are you kind of staying stuck? Or staying in your familiar hell because you're too afraid to step outside of the box and go into the unknown and the unpredictable, because what's on the other side of safety and comfort and unknown is the life that you're trying to get at. Where you're trying to get it's that bridge. So next time you, you know, you think like, oh my gosh, like I feel stuck, I feel like I'm not going anywhere. Okay, what are you doing, or what are you not doing that you are so afraid to do? You're so afraid to knock out of your comfort zone. Whether it's losing weight, whether it's writing the book, whether it's starting a podcast, whatever, it is a job change, you want to move abroad or whatever. What are you not doing because you're too afraid or it's so uncomfortable that if you did do it, it would get you on the right path. It'll take you on the right journey to get to where you need to be for your higher self. You know, to get there a little bit quicker.
Speaker 1:So this episode, like I said, I just wanted to share that passage. I'm doing this literally on my phone. I feel like I just needed to get it out there. I put the passage also on my Instagram page and if you guys want to go, follow me on Instagram, it's TX underscore real estate doll. That's my personal page, that's like my everything page. And then we do have one for the podcast. It's just updated AF collective on Instagram and I put the passage up there and I think what I'm going to start doing is putting things like little passages from different chapters on my Instagram, just as like little previews and it and yeah. So if you want to see the update for the book, it's there.
Speaker 1:Right now I'm writing and then as soon as I'm done writing the chapter, it goes to editing. As soon as it goes from editing, I get to read it back a couple of times and make sure everything looks good and then it's in the beta reader phase. So that's when I have like my friends and they're kind of like my fact checkers, because I have, you know, some people from the police departments, both of them that I worked at. Making sure that, like, everything looks good, that I, you know, I understand what what you know I'm writing about, and making sure that I'm not confused about anything, because sometimes, like remembering traumatic events, we don't remember them exactly the way it actually happened. We'll remember it the way our brain wanted it, wanted us to remember, and I needed those people in my life, those beta readers, to make sure that everything sounded good and everything looked correct and I was understanding what was going on at the time in the chapter and that I wasn't getting anything wrong. So, anyway, if you're getting anything out of this podcast, you guys please leave me a review, share it, write me a message, send me a DM, follow me on Instagram and say hi.
Speaker 1:I have been so busy that I've kind of put the podcast a little bit on the back burner just because of the book has kind of taken precedence and, as well as um, like I've been doing other interviews on other people's podcasts, um, and that's been so fun, but it's been keeping me super duper busy. So I plan to put out more mini episodes in the next couple of weeks. Just Just bear with me. Also, I rescued two puppies and yeah, that was very life-changing Two puppies at the same time. They were both eight weeks old, so I can't tell if I'm like going crazy or if I'm just like super depressed, but we'll see. It's been. We've had them now for two and a half weeks, so they're getting a little bit bigger, but obviously we're still knees deep in the puppy phase and it's just a nice reminder that nothing lasts forever, including the puppy phase. So wish me luck on that.
Speaker 1:But yeah, like I said, you guys follow me on Instagram, especially if you guys want to follow me on my book journey. Um, I am going the self-publishing route, but I do have a team of people that are helped. They're helping me guide my way through this entire mess of self-publishing. Um and again, like if, if this is something that you're also interested in, follow me on Instagram, ask me questions, because that's what I'm doing. I have mentors that are bestselling authors who I get to ask questions, and I would love to help the next person who is trying to also get into this um world, get their book out there and make it a reality. So all right, guys, I hope you got something out of this. The next episode I should be. You know it should be out next week, but follow me for more. All right, guys, I'll talk to you later. Bye.
