Robyn Burdett CEO of The Robyn Burdett Real Estate Group of Northern Virginia

Ever wondered why some conversations open doors while others slam them shut? Our latest episode ventures into the intricate world of communication, where curiosity paves the way for connections that stretch from real estate dealings to the heart of family dynamics. With the real estate industry at a pivotal crossroads, we navigate through the legal quagmires and market shifts that challenge both veteran and rookie agents alike. Together with expert guests, we dissect the impact of recent court cases and the transformation of buyer agency laws, offering a treasure trove of insights for anyone looking to stay afloat in these turbulent waters.

But it's not all contracts and courtrooms - relationships lie at the crux of business success, and we're sharing our secret sauce for building them. We peel back the curtain on the strategies that have not just grown our businesses but also enriched our personal lives. From a strategy as simple as splitting earnings into thirds, to the profound impact of asking the right questions and truly listening to the answers, our conversations reveal the power of genuine engagement. These are the tales of timeshare presentations that tanked, clients who left more than just a commission in their wake, and the art of communication that turns curious questions into meaningful relationships.

Rounding off our deep dive, we reflect on how a conversation's tone can turn tides in both parenting and professional realms. By sharing a personal narrative of transforming talks with my daughter, I illuminate how a shift from criticism to curiosity can build bridges of understanding and trust. And it's not just about what we say but also about how we listen - we explore the lost art of socializing in the post-pandemic world, the profound effect of a smile, and the crucial role of human connection in an age dominated by screens. Join us for an exploration that promises to enrich the way you communicate, connect, and ultimately, live.

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:30

And there was a big meeting the other day and they're like well, people aren't listening to us. I said, because you never connected with them. Yeah, I said you never had the beginning conversation. You started to mean, oh, welcome everybody to the meeting today. We're going to talk about what? Yeah, and I said, how about starting off with hey, just to know who we're talking with today? Start with curious. Who's done a workshop like this before? Okay, so good, we have some education to do. Now we're talking about really how this is going to work. So I'm sure some of you are bikers, walkers, live in the area. You know, as I find out, who the people are and then they'll think that they'll know. You care because you cared to ask.

Speaker 2: 1:07

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 1:08

And he was like okay, so we're hiring you. I've been trying to tell you this for months because he keeps saying he has a self-help book. I said it's a business book. Yeah, I mean, it literally is a business book that could go into any type or area that you possibly want.

Speaker 2: 1:24

So you're not doing as much real estate. Is that what you said? Yeah, just wanted to make sure I don't misrepresent that.

Speaker 1: 1:29

No, I still am selling, but just not as much, mainly because the fact that, when the market has changed so much, hadn't done this 35 years, yeah, 35 years.

Speaker 2: 1:39

Yeah, no, I think that that's great because that's actually something that I've been thinking and I've been talking, having conversations with a lot of agents about, and it's like it can feel scary if you don't have something else to support even just additional pipeline of clients. Right, you know, like if you're kind of not one dimensional, but kind of Right If you're just looking for referrals and you didn't have anything else to work on Exactly?

Speaker 1: 2:04

Well, one of the big things that we have to start talking to people about is this is a new norm for them, and most of the agents that are right now selling haven't been around for 10 years, some not even six years, I mean a lot of them got their license in 2016, 2017, when selling was easy, and so we're having that discussion. A lot of training has to be done, and now, with all the lovely court cases, we're even having more fun.

Speaker 2: 2:33

Oh yeah, yeah, that's not finished, right? Oh no, it's adding on hand, they said.

Speaker 1: 2:40

I saw one the other day said that the whole thing might add up to over a trillion dollars worth of lawsuits against real estate companies, and so they have to pay.

Speaker 2: 2:50

They'll have to pay they could the possibility exist there?

Speaker 1: 2:54

I feel like the first one we lost was one. It was with a jewelry trial, and juries are always going to go. Yeah, those big bag people took money. You know, real estate agents are way, way too much money when they don't know history. I was there when it came about and you know, when it started coming into Northern Virginia in 1991, we were here, I was taking the classes, I was calling everybody. But there's a lot of things that happened back then that could happen again, such as we used to have to call.

Speaker 1: 3:24

It was in the MLS that they would offer sub agency compensation, which meant I still work for the seller. So I would have to call everybody and say hi, I'm Robertette, I'm representing a buyer. Would you consider me showing the house? I'm rejecting sub agency compensation. Could I show the buyer and you offer the buyer, as a buyer, agent compensation? And a lot of them go no. So now they're talking about taking the compensation completely out of the MLS, and so how do we know? We're going to have to call every agent. My buyer would like to see your house today. Is your seller offering compensation? No, okay, I have to let myself buy, or my that.

Speaker 1: 4:04

So it's kind of going back to backwards in its own way, and there's a lot of miscommunication about the reason why everything oh the seller's paying for it's on their side. They're not being represented. No, it's a combined. So now the buyer side just came out and they said we increased pricing because we put our commission in there, didn't let the buyers know it was negotiable. Everybody around here knows it's negotiable because I get it. Try. People trying to negotiate on Zillow calls. Yeah, hi, yeah, I'll work with you with how much of a commission you give me. I haven't talked to you yet, I don't know, but apparently across the country there's only 12 states that have buyer agency. Okay, I thought it was nationwide, only 12. And one of Florida is just straightly seller agency. You could bring a buyer, but they may or not work with you, but most of the time it's a seller agency.

Speaker 2: 5:00

So, talking about communication, do you think that this has to do with the fact that there have been, historically, a lot of agents Maybe this is completely not correct A lot of agents that don't communicate properly, they aren't professional.

Speaker 1: 5:18

They don't do a buyer. They might have a listing presentation, maybe Kind of half I shouldn't say that but yes, but they don't have a buyer presentation. They don't have a presentation that says here's what I do, here's what I will perform for you on your behalf. Here's all the work that I will do on your behalf as your agent. Out of that I get paid X% in. The seller, through the MLS, has offered to offset that. Sometimes they may not, so we need to have a conversation of what happens if they don't, they don't do that.

Speaker 1: 5:55

A lot of agents just say don't worry about it. I mean, I'm putting X% here, but the seller's going to offer it and sell it. Be free to you. And that's not true. Seller's going to offer it and you're paying for it in a sales price because it comes down to his net. You're willing to pay, they're willing to sell, we get paid. And a lot of people don't realize that doesn't happen. We don't get paid. I can't tell you how many people over the past three or four years have written sometimes 15, 20 plus contracts for a buyer that they never got paid on and the buyer decided to wait, so they never got paid. People don't realize that there's a lot of risk. We're all independent contractors. There's a lot of times that you basically work for free because nobody's paying you, not because the seller paid you.

Speaker 2: 6:44

It's a difference. Yeah. Do you think brokers are going to have brokerages? Is this going to affect overall brokerages at all?

Speaker 1: 6:53

Well, there's a lot of discussion on this because we're independent contractors and, with it being an independent contractor, if the broker agrees to pay, the broker technically paid us and the broker technically might want to come back and say, Robin, in August of 2017, you sold this home. We need that commission back.

Speaker 2: 7:18

Can I do that?

Speaker 1: 7:19

Technically they might be able to. Nobody said it, no broker is willing to go there right yet. But they now have included Redfin, compass, corcoran, berkshire, hathaway, everybody.

Speaker 2: 7:34

Even though that's money that's already been paid, already been paid and spent.

Speaker 1: 7:38

The most recent buyer case is going back to 1996, when buyer agency became a law at National Association of Realtors, where it became part of how they do business.

Speaker 2: 7:50

What triggered all of this?

Speaker 1: 7:52

Survey back in about 1990 out in California everything happens in California where they found out like 70-something percent of the buyers thought the agent was working for them and they were not. And they said apparently we need to have somebody having agents work for them and so they started introducing that kind of grassroots and it was not liked. Somebody was telling a story the other day where one of the owners of one of the big franchises here was it will never be. Or 1991, of course 1994, when we had standard agency change in Virginia. Then that's when it became part of law.

Speaker 2: 8:29

What triggered just the most recent lawsuits?

Speaker 1: 8:33

They've been going on for several years. They really have. They've been going on for several years, but they've all been kind of squashed. Some made it through to the next step. Some didn't make it through the next step. Some didn't have enough people to make it a class action. Some had enough people to make it a class action but the courts didn't deem that it had enough grit and grind to it. So once the case won, what three weeks ago, two weeks ago, burnett case won, literally within 30 minutes they filed the exact same lawsuit against about six other companies. Then they went from there and the buyer agency suit that had been smoldering forever all of them popped up, became very real, and that's happened last week, this past week and last week.

Speaker 1: 9:20

So it's changed the way we have to do business as real estate agents. Our job is to communicate. Our job is to help the people. Binding and selling is third in line to death of a family member and divorce, and if we don't have that capability of assisting people and have that conversation and be the professional we're supposed to be, the lawsuits have a lot of validity then. But right now they don't. I mean 12 states, that's it, and they happen to find all 12. So I mean California, new York, new Jersey, missouri, illinois, texas and I'm not sure where else. I don't know about Texas, that's what I'm talking about.

Speaker 2: 10:06

So it's not Virginia, it is Virginia. Oh yeah, virginia is one of them. Yeah, we do, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 10:11

Maryland and DC.

Speaker 2: 10:13

Yeah, it's going to be a wild ride it is in.

Speaker 1: 10:18

it's interesting the timing of all this because the economy has been off. So for most of the people over the past two years, most agents basically well, I guess what? Early spring 2022, we started seeing interest rates bubble and buyers go, oh, and sellers, you know it declined. Last fall was really bad because interest rates were going up and buyers were totally freaking out. We were having the worst lowball offers you could ever have and now we have no seller that wants to sell because they can't afford to go anywhere. And interest rates we were up to eight. Now we're down around seven again, 20 plus year high. Yet we've bought and sold homes all these years. I mean, I bought my first condo and it was 15% five-year balloon with two points.

Speaker 2: 11:10

I think the thing is, though, is, how much did you buy that for?

Speaker 1: 11:13

Oh yeah, well, that's the thing I mean $30,000, wish I kept it, was in Arlington, couldn't afford to keep it back then. Can you imagine? Yeah, I was just out of college and you know it was cheaper than the rent.

Speaker 2: 11:26

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 11:26

I mean because, even though it was high, it was still cheaper than renting.

Speaker 2: 11:28

I think that's the challenge is yes, we used to see these same, similar, higher, much higher rates back then. Right, but the prices at the homes also weren't.

Speaker 1: 11:41

They did. That's the way they are and I'll be very honest with you. I often look into neighborhoods and go, oh my God, that's going for that. Wait, are you serious? Yeah, and I mean when I bought my husband, I bought our house in Chantilly 1998. And I remember turning to the salesperson, silly me. Turning to the salesperson said this part of Chantilly is just not a $500,000 neighborhood. It's just not. As I was negotiating for me for my own home and changing lots and all that, it's just not a $500,000. I feel to better get used to that. Now, of course, those same exact homes are selling for $1.3 million. So I was wrong, but I got a better deal. That's all that mattered to me. So nothing else really mattered, but it was the idea that whoever would?

Speaker 1: 12:29

think you know whoever would think that the prices that we have everywhere, that what was commonplace for the average price in most of Northern Virginia, fairfax County, was running in the threes and now it's in the sixes?

Speaker 2: 12:43

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 12:44

I mean that's including condos. I mean it's just the shift that has happened and interest rates have played a large part of it. I mean my daughter she's 32, owns a house, bought it when she was 31 up in Lowell, massachusetts. She's a homeowner and she got in at 3%. She is paying the exact same amount. Would a tax deduction that she was paying for a two bedroom, two bath condo, you know rental.

Speaker 2: 13:11

I know that's a challenge of had conversations with people and they're. Somebody was saying about how their house is too big and they want something smaller and they're like but at this point I'll be paying probably a little bit more than what I'm currently paying, so right now I'm just going to sit tight and wait.

Speaker 1: 13:31

Well, and there was a big discussion recently, an article that they said most of the houses right now are being bought by baby boomers and cash.

Speaker 2: 13:39

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 13:39

so I was going to say, unless you've got that money when you sell your home, Well, yeah, because all of a sudden they say if my husband I said, oh, my daughter's getting married has babies, we're moving to Massachusetts, which will never happen, it's too cold, but we would take the money from here and buy cash up there because it's a lot cheaper. And so they're saying that's what's happening is, a lot of people are wanting to baby, boomers or people that are retired, want to move closer to their family, and so that's what they're doing Cash, cash, cash. Yeah, cash cash. And when the bidding wars were on, cash was not king because it still could have a lot of strings attached to it and people were doing weird cash of some equity loans or outside financing, and so it was not as much king. But I think it's coming back to it just because there's a lot of strings attached now with financing. That wasn't before.

Speaker 2: 14:33

That's crazy.

Speaker 1: 14:34

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 14:34

So make that money, save those pennies, save those pennies.

Speaker 1: 14:37

Well, my husband just read the other day that most of the people that are retiring, something like people at 60 years old, do not have more than like $500,000 in the bank of their total life savings.

Speaker 2: 14:49

Oh man.

Speaker 1: 14:50

And I'm like you're going to be working at Walmart at 90. Because it's very sad and they just didn't go into the company thrift program or 401k or they decided to buy this instead of save. That which has been a huge, big push for a long time is to actually have it where people are starting to save money. We don't spend a lot of things just because the fact that when my husband retires, I want to make sure we still could go places and when I retire, that we go places. Although you know, realtors, we don't retire, we just grow list lists. Isn't that what they say?

Speaker 2: 15:30

I was talking to actually somebody yesterday. Just pop on the phone with her to talk through some challenges that she's having, because we can help them if they have the marketing challenges. That wasn't her challenge. She was great on that front. Her challenge was the fact of that, what you just said. She's like I don't want to be 75 years old selling homes, and so we went through and discussed about. Then we got to get assets. You know, put the money that you're making into something that's going to continuously make you money without you having to trade your time. You know, like focus on that. And then, of course, you had CRM questions and all of that stuff. But yeah, a lot of people are running into that. They are business owners are running into that because in our heads we think, okay, we can do this until we're 125 years old, we can do this forever. We love it so much. But then there's comes a day when you're like I might love it, but do I want to do this?

Speaker 1: 16:27

Do I really want to put another buyer in the car and drive around and see 40 homes? Not really. Yes. Yet in the same instance, if a client refers to me a buyer, or a client is a buyer, I absolutely will. Yeah, so I don't do. I mean, I was doing a lot of Zillow leads and I had one buyer's agent in 2015, 16 and 17. And it was like, okay, no, but I know a fabulous agent in my area that she sells over 100 homes a year just off of Zillow. Yeah, two years ago, three years ago, she sold like 150 all off of Zillow. So that's her dedication and that's where she works at, and so you have to know where you want to go and niche that's right.

Speaker 1: 17:08

Yeah, when I got into real estate they said one very smart agent said every paycheck, think threes one third for taxes, one third to live on and one third for your business and investments, and so that your business is an investment. So everything you're doing you're looking at it as an investment and I always kept that. So every paycheck we get I got Now I'm an LLC and pay myself but every paycheck I got it went one third, one third and one third so that I never had to worry about when it said that, robin, you owe money, congratulations, you had a good year. Could you guys check now? So I had it because I broke it down. But they don't teach a lot of things like that anymore. They everybody just says I made a dollar. Or, even worse, I have a settlement coming up next week and it never happens and it's like but I spent some money already. Okay, don't do that either. Yeah, don't do that. You're an independent contractor, self-employed, that's right. Ceo of your business. Don't do that. Treat like a business.

Speaker 2: 18:09

What are three mistakes that you feel like a lot of business owners make when it comes to communication?

Speaker 1: 18:16

They care more about what they want to say than what you want to say. It's more about and it's something I struggle with, maybe even as a parent people struggle with your child comes in mommy, this is broken, oh great, let me fix it. And you tell them verbally all the things they do to fix it, instead of saying, oh okay, so curious, how did it break? And so what do you think you should do with it? And have the questions. They are more about them.

Speaker 1: 18:45

People go into listing agreements, listing appointments oh I'm wonderful, look at my resume, I'm gonna give you pictures and then they go. So what do you think? Well, we're not moving for another two years, but this looks lovely, or they never ask. So why are you thinking of moving now? What's your experience and selling a home? What's your knowledge of the current market and how the process works? Could it be possible that this is not the right time for you to move, based on what is happening outside? You have those questions, you have that conversation. It changes your relationship and I think that's what most business owners are not doing. They're not developing a relationship. Relationships will keep you forever. I have been really blessed in my lifetime to be written in several people's wills because we have that kind of a relationship.

Speaker 2: 19:39

That is next level.

Speaker 1: 19:42

It is. It was, and unfortunately, one I actually did have. She died. He still was here, but I was in their will and I've been in several wills. I have sold three generations.

Speaker 1: 19:56

People say they actually one of them tells me what would Robin do? Four words, everything. What would Robin do? Just, don't even think about it. Let's ask Robin, what would Robin do. That's a relationship. That is somebody that is always gonna call you because you care, because you ask the questions, Not always having the right answer, but you have an answer based on what they need. And most business owners forget about that. They think, okay, let me get you booked, get you in, get you out, cut your hair, do whatever we need to do financing. Sometimes you'll get somebody okay, are you gonna retire soon? No, great, then we're gonna do this. No, but if something happens, I might. And we were thinking they don't go that far? Yeah, so communication is they never develop that relationship, that empathy, that curiosity, because everybody knows people do things for their own reason, not yours, yeah, so get on that level of getting in the will level.

Speaker 1: 21:00

Yeah, because I mean you could be the bestest. I mean it is, it's crazy. Yeah, well, I was floored when I got the phone call we just wanna let you know. And it was like it was four people and it was wow, okay, am I supposed to say live forever or die tomorrow Because I need a job? And it was like what do I do? And I said well, I hope you never. I have never have to take it up on you. And then, when I did, but the other ones are and I say my party, you're still in there, just to let you know.

Speaker 2: 21:30

I'm like yes and then cross off that list. Okay, so communication and relationships is like one of the biggest things in.

Speaker 1: 21:41

Well, and to let people know that people do things for their own reason, not for yours. If you have your own agenda, if you're already certain as to what the outcome is gonna be and I walk in the door chances are it's not gonna be the outcome that you want. It's just not. My husband and I were was at a resort and they offered one of these. If you come and listen to our timeshare thing, we're gonna give you $100. And we're like okay, sure, whatever. I found out that the person presenting his wife, wife, likes Louis Vuitton, he shops for her every year, that his wife hates cold but she went to Iceland with him, that he was overseas and came back for the birth of their baby and all these things about him. He never found out anything about me my fact, so much that I turned around and said, bob, he knows what you do, but you know what? He never asked me. My husband was like no, he didn't. And I said do you think he's gonna get this sale? And he said, no, I don't.

Speaker 2: 22:39

And I said you're right, yeah, all right, our hour's up.

Speaker 1: 22:42

We need to go. Could you give him my money? He never cared If he had actually expressed interest to find out why we even went. Why are you here? What are your hopes? What do you think that this will do for you? We might have bought a timeshare, but he never did so. He never found out the reason why that I wanted to. He was so certain that I was going to go and buy it. And that's a big problem with a lot of our communication is certainty on our part that everybody's going just to go. You are so wonderful, we love you, we're gonna buy from you. No, they don't. They walk in not trusting you and they leave not trusting you because you never bothered to find out anything about him. And trust is the key.

Speaker 2: 23:22

Yeah, that's like number one.

Speaker 1: 23:24

Yeah, if you don't trust a person, you're not gonna work with them.

Speaker 2: 23:28

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 23:29

It has to. You have to feel it. You just have to feel it and have to know that if a storm comes, that they're gonna take care of you as an insurance company. You have to know it.

Speaker 2: 23:41

What are some things that people, besides active listening and finding out about the other person's desires and what's driving them, besides that you've already kind of touched on, are there any other tips or I?

Speaker 1: 23:55

think.

Speaker 2: 23:56

Techniques.

Speaker 1: 23:57

Yeah, the biggest tip is active listening, but it's more of a curiosity. Curiosity is a superpower. I agree it really is a superpower. How many times have you said curious? Is this supposed to go this way? You know, just curious, George. I mean there's books. It is a superpower, and if you remain curious, even in the toughest conversations, even in the hardest moments, you are then not judging.

Speaker 2: 24:24

I was gonna say curiosity versus what?

Speaker 1: 24:26

Judging. It's actually curiosity versus certainty, but judging If you are judging a person, then you're not gonna be curious. I already know what you want. I already have all these things. It's not about active listening, it's just about sitting back and going. So that's really interesting that you wanna do that. I've never heard of that before, so could you tell me more? And I'm really curious. I'm not just BSing you just so I could get the job done. It's because, hey, I haven't heard that before. I mean, as real estate agents, we are fairly politically agnostic. I have had the most incredible conversations with tree huggers to homeschoolers and everybody in between. Because I'm curious, I have no judgment.

Speaker 2: 25:10

Are those the same?

Speaker 1: 25:12

They are. They blend together in my book and it's because I have no judgments. I have no desire to sit there and say, well, you did so and so it's like no, this is a great opportunity for me to learn. I really wanna learn about you, about what's going on, wow, I mean, I went to a Diwali celebration two weeks ago. It's my first one. I said I've been missing out on all this all these years. I've never been. I need to. Oh, it was just fabulous. I was like, okay, I gotta get an outfit for next year, that's all that matters. It was really beautiful outfits, but I've never been to one. I got to find out. All the ceremony before and after and leading up, and it's just culture and being curious allowed me to go and have a really great time. When I mentioned it to some other people, they were like, why would you go to that? And I'm like, why not? Well, you're not Hindu, right.

Speaker 2: 26:05

What does it have to do?

Speaker 1: 26:06

Dot, dot, dot, dot, dot it's going and eating great food and having fun with a bunch of people, yeah, yeah. So people have judgments. So if you're curious, you don't have judgments.

Speaker 2: 26:15

How do you so? Is that an active decision that you have to make before going into situations? If you find yourself on that end of certainty and you're like I need to change this Right, how do you?

Speaker 1: 26:30

The work before the work. That's a lot of it. My favorite example of this one is Kevin Eubanks. I don't know if you watched Wimbledon. Six foot seven guy out of University of Georgia has been pro since 2017. Black guy, towering six foot seven, so which means his serves are rocket, but he'd been floating around around 150 to 250 in ranks and standings Goes into Wimbledon and said you know, I don't like grass, I don't want to play on this, but call some friends of his that said da, da, da, da da.

Speaker 1: 27:02

And so then he started doing the work before the work. He now first one, slammed it 130 aces, knocked out the first guy knocked out the second guy made it all the way to the quarterfinals and now he's ranked number 25 in the world in tennis. How did he do it? It was the work before the work. And he said when I finished I used to go Yay, whoops, I lost. Move on. He said now I go. Did I have enough water? Did I sleep enough? Did I work on my footwork enough? Did I have the conversations in my mental prep to get ready for it? So you have to do work before you do it, because the worst time to think about what you're going to say is when you're going to say it.

Speaker 2: 27:45

And that's what you coach people on.

Speaker 1: 27:47

I do.

Speaker 1: 27:48

That's like where your work comes in, as you help people with the work before the work, the work before the work, yeah, yeah, and I would help somebody and have a major conversation, go. Uh, what was I supposed to say? But it's getting the work in for the work. And so often, before I even get on a telephone call, I will look down at some of my magic words that I have and think of a question tree, that I want to have Something that I feel that it would flow, so that I can actually find out what you need, how I can help you, or maybe I can't help you. I mean, there's always that option, and so it also changes my perspective. When I do that, it keeps it more open and keeps it more about opportunity versus just this.

Speaker 1: 28:33

We were talking to a woman the other day. She's a phenomenal MC, and somebody reached out to her about MCing a group just to one point, and I said well, my first question would be so tell me, how many events do you guys do a year, and out of those, what percentage do you think you actually have an MC? So you actually know a basis. I said with that you know. One, their experience in the MC. Two, whether or not this is a one hit wonder, maybe there's more opportunities. But three. It's giving you context before you even go into so. Are you familiar with the role of the MC? Wonderful, I could go over that with you. What type of events are you going to have within your event that I might be able to assist with? All these are curious questions. That enables her then to be able to answer or guide them into realizing she's right or she's not right for the hat project.

Speaker 1: 29:26

The same thing with you Every time you are somebody calls you up and says, oh, I like it, a headshot. Not everybody is going to be. Even though you're a magician, you do beautiful, beautiful work. Not everybody is going to be the right fit for you because their style is awkward. It's not something that you can capture. I mean, there's some people that are flat as a rock and it's very hard to. When you capture style, you capture beauty. You capture inner beauty.

Speaker 2: 29:54

Or they don't want to be represented like that Right.

Speaker 1: 29:56

That's very much.

Speaker 1: 29:58

They just want the schoolbook your photo Right they want to go the passport photo and they only want to pay for the passport photo. So those two things. So you're not a right fit for everybody. I did a webinar two weeks ago. I had two other exactly what to say certified guides on. One was Emily. She works for a hearing clinic out in Oregon that's why I'm pointing that way and the other is Carlos. He deals with accountants down in Miami and Emily's is a very boutique, very small hearing clinic and not everybody's a right fit. So a lot of her questions are to find out are you a right fit for us? We know we'd probably be a great fit for you, but are you for us? Are we going to have that wonderful relationship that you're going to feel complete with, or is Costco going to be better for you?

Speaker 2: 30:51

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 30:52

Because not everybody's meant for everybody. If it was, we'd all look exactly the same and do the same.

Speaker 2: 30:56

That's right, yeah, and so when you work with clients, then how do you go about that process? I have a civil.

Speaker 1: 31:04

Besides with curiosity, no no, no, I have several different trainings depending on what somebody's interested in, but first off, what I do is make sure or see how much they know about the work, because he has been introduced, it's now over 3 million copies and still is the number one book on Audible every day.

Speaker 2: 31:24

It's a good book. Are you giving me the photographer? I know?

Speaker 1: 31:27

it is, and it's whether or not people actually know about him, and so some of my education is to see if they have an opening and they have insight. My one client I was talking to today we've been talking about for about a year and a half and it wasn't until just now that he said you know what, robin, I get it and it just you have to have that opening of wanting to In the real estate world. It's a very easy opening because we are realizing that with the changes that are happening with the economy, with the interest rates, with the market, with people not wanting to sell Well, buyers we got used to the idea that the buyers were not door openers nor gatekeepers anymore of the MLS years ago. So we already those of us who've been around for a while already knew that we had to provide more value. Those who've only been around for the past seven years, that's all the value they knew. So now our job is to educate everybody more in value. But to do that we have to know how to have, build rapport, have empathy and create action.

Speaker 1: 32:32

So I've done trainings. Kw has and Tom Ferry people a coach. Tom Ferry and KW, as well as Corcoran and several other have hired Phil over the past year, two years. So I've been doing a lot of trainings with them and I like it, because I like just to say I'm exactly what to say certified guide with 35 years, 30 plus years. I'm trying to get rid of the five.

Speaker 1: 32:59

I'm younger, I'm really young. This is my birthday month, so it's very young, but I really want to just focus on that. I forgot where I was going. But I also have 30 plus years of experience. So I know what you know I walk your walk, I talk your talk. I probably talk your talk better than you, and so now let's get you to talk the talk so that you can change. I hate the word shift. I always say take out one F and you've got another word called. And when I mentioned it to somebody I said well, there's a shift going on, shift. And I went see, people do think that it's the other word. They do. So a woman who's a guide out of Michigan, jessica, changed it to rapid and a rapidly changing market. We're very rapid, we're not shifting, we're rapid, and I thought that was better. Just that little simple swap totally changes your context.

Speaker 2: 33:59

On, what people hear. It changes, it, doesn't shift it.

Speaker 1: 34:02

No, definitely not. Not the TTY of it either.

Speaker 2: 34:07

Okay, so that's. I'm asking all these questions because I'm just genuinely curious on how the whole process works, and so it sounds like a lot of your marketing is coming from referrals right now, specific to those other coaching programs.

Speaker 1: 34:26

Well, a lot of what I have right now is people that I know that I've been reaching out to. So I presented to a very large Kdeb Keller-Wayne's office in Alexandria with about 100 agents. I am presenting to numerous agents that I know that are all across the country on Zoom webinars. I have a two day certification coming up in January for about 16 people where we go deep and do a lot of role playing and really learn how to build question trees and learn to have conversations on a totally different level. We also I have one seminar that I do. That's about 90 minutes workbooks that we really work over all of them.

Speaker 1: 35:11

Here's the thing is that with real estate, you can go from A to Z on everything, but only on all the magic words, but only the ones that really work for you are the ones that you're going to want to end up owning, and anytime you turn around to any of us guides, we all say what's your favorite one? Not sure if it's right for you, but or could it be possible? Or just imagine, or everybody has their favorite, but as somebody that really practices it, we use all of them, and so that's what I want to do is introduce everybody, all of them so they could put it in their tool bag and actually incorporate it in their lives. I was a firm believer. Once I turned around and changed the way I talked to my daughter, I was the mother that verbally threw up all over why didn't you get this done? In 10 minutes later I'm still doing it, still talking, right, I know my husband would look at me like shut up, still telling you because apparently you didn't get it because your eyes are glazed over.

Speaker 2: 36:16

But there's a reason why they're glazed over, and I keep talking.

Speaker 1: 36:19

And I am not keep talking, I am, and pretty soon you will get it. I will bang it into your head. When, all of a sudden, she was shopping for Tylen, I was at visiting her and I said I'm going to treat you like a treat a client when I go to Florence Decor. I said we're going to get a cart and we're going to go up and down the aisles and you're going to choose the ones you want. And she would choose something. And I, oh my God, she's not going to choose that. And I say, is that when you like, yeah, great, let's put it on the cart? And then she would go really, yeah, put it on the cart. Next thing you know is she's taking things off the cart and I said what she goes oh, I like these better. And it was no. I gave her the space and the opening and didn't criticize like I normally would.

Speaker 2: 37:03

And I was just asking that. When she said, are you sure, did you say, yes, go ahead and put it on the cart. I said, yeah, honey.

Speaker 1: 37:09

I said well, this is your cart. This is why I say my clients, I should say my daughter, right? I said yes, honey, this is your cart. You do what you want to do with it. And she said, okay. And then I pulled out one thing and she said oh, I don't like that at all. And I said great, then we don't leave that. And I said are you sure? And she goes no, I don't. Next thing, I know she slides and puts it back in there because she kind of did.

Speaker 2: 37:32

Pretend like you didn't see it.

Speaker 1: 37:33

Pretend like I didn't see that, but I realized at that point that my creating an opening of asking questions and being curious. So do you like this one or this one? Not, do you like this one or this one? I was like so what do you like this one or this one? Well, I like that one Really.

Speaker 2: 37:51

No.

Speaker 1: 37:52

Great. So can I move this one? Well, not sure. Well, how about if I bring this one, which one? Okay, now you can get rid of that. And let's look at this. Great, so I'm going to go right and let's, I'll tweet her, just like I do my clients when they're making decisions on things for remodeling their house.

Speaker 1: 38:07

And it all came back and it worked well. That's when I realized the power of exactly what to say is that, if I am open to curiosity and not being so confident and certain on how the way will go, we developed empathy and rapport and trust, and she took action and we had communication. Now she's inviting me. You know she calls me mom. I'm going to start doing landscaping. And I said okay. And she said so, what should I do? And I said, well, build your palette, because she's an artist in her own way and she does stained glass, beautiful stained glass. And I said build your palette. And she said what does that look like? And I said, well, gather the plants you like and lay them out How's you want them and see what the works. So she did that.

Speaker 1: 38:53

She goes oh well, I don't like that one because we're on FaceTime. And I said, okay, well, then, don't use that one. What other one do you like? I said here's some names of plants I like. Look and see. And so she chose a couple of them and she goes mom, this was so easy to do. She did it. I didn't sit there and say you need to choose, blah, blah, blah. My experience is this and you should do this. I said these are some that I'd use. See if you like any of those. And oh, I love that color of that one. And great, she did it. She put them all on the ground and she loves her garden. You guided her.

Speaker 2: 39:23

You created a template system that she could make her decisions, but she didn't make the decisions.

Speaker 1: 39:29

I didn't make the decision. I didn't tell her to put anything tall in the back or short in the front or anything else.

Speaker 2: 39:34

So you're going to do parent coaching next?

Speaker 1: 39:36

Yeah, right, I include that in and that, well, and it's just, it's so amazing that giving somebody space, not telling them what to do, even though you have definite ideas, especially when they're young, you know they come to you with a problem. Well, just don't sit next to Susie next time. That doesn't work. You know, mean girls are mean girls, and sitting next to Susie, even though she's five rows back, you might as well be sitting next to her, because all that's happening between there is, you know, so it doesn't work. So so, just listening and saying so, what would you think would work? Yeah, you know, and same thing with your clients or anything else.

Speaker 2: 40:17

You know, and I love this feedback and technique strategy that you use, because I actually went to a coach specifically that said kind of the opposite, which is no, no, no. You should be telling your clients exactly which ones to choose and which ones not to choose. And I know we struggle my director here going to be here in a minute we struggle with that because just because we love something of this client doesn't mean that's how they see themselves Right, and they might want to portray themselves in a way, even though we've gotten all the information from them about how they want to portray themselves, but just sometimes they see themselves in a specific way. They love that.

Speaker 1: 40:57

Oh, I could be honest with you. I bought one or two photos over the times. I've had it because somebody said, oh, I love this one, okay, and because I don't want to insult her, but I'm going yeah, okay, maybe she knows she's a professional, and then I never use it, but it's more because the fact that you know I'm not sure what I'm doing and she's a professional. So you do have that of telling somebody what they say, and I think it's much more of a win for people to be involved. I have all my clients involved, unless they're like Robin, I don't want to do a thing. I pay you, you do it. I'm like, oh, kiddo key. And then I put a tile in their bathroom.

Speaker 1: 41:39

This one gentleman, I put a tile in his bathroom because I would never have that in my bathroom and I said it's not going to be yours much longer because we're going to sell the home. He said, all right, fine, first thing that everybody went and looked at was the tile in the bathroom because it was so unique. And he said, all right, I guess you do. Okay, you passed the test, but you told me I had permission, but everything else. I take my clients to floor and to floor before we're doing something or whatever we're doing, and I give them options. Yeah, same way with your children? You don't. If, in my experience at least, is that when I gave Sam, my daughter, more options, she wants to hear me and be around me more. When I had the options for her already laid out, she felt smothered and didn't have the control. And you want children to feel like they're doing things and being able to grow.

Speaker 2: 42:29

Yeah. Like, it's like with your kids, but then also with clients if they felt like they were part of the process they're empowered part of the process Exactly, and now as their guide rather than their ruler, the one that makes all the decisions.

Speaker 1: 42:45

I had a client that we were a house out in Aldi and she had bought this mirror, which I love, this mirror, but she bought it a long time ago and never put it up. And she wanted it at this one spot at the end and I thought it would look good over this big, huge buffet in the dining room and so let's try it there. I had the guys move it and put it there and I said, okay, that looks really great. And I said, all right, I got to go. And she said it looks like it had circles, it looks like portholes on a boat. And I said, okay. And I said but I think it looks good, you good, yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 43:21

And all of a sudden I could just feel I'll wait till Dan gets home and we'll look at it. And I went, okay, that's, that's like I'll wait till dad gets home. And I said you know what, jenny, I think it's not the right thing for you. And I said so, where would you like to have it? She goes down there. And I said then it's going down there. And I said, okay, I'm going to go down there. You know, it was my certainty Was not what happened, and just that moment she said, her entire Thought perception of me changed and she felt that we were good friends and she could tell me anything, that she really felt Just that one thing, and it was like stop, wait, don't run out the door to your next appointment. Listen to this woman because this is important to her even just feel the you it was just like I'll wait till day.

Speaker 1: 44:06

I'll wait and talk to Dan when he gets him. Okay, that's like calling the dad when you have to call the husband. It's bad.

Speaker 2: 44:15

Okay, yeah, that's these are. This is such a great Like. Everything you're saying is so relevant to whether you're a parent, or or even just your colleagues, your friends, whether you're in school. You own your own business, you're working within a, a Business yes, employee, just all of these things of like. How do you have an exchange with somebody and let them feel heard, making their own decisions, guiding them through a decision-making process, and stop being a robot? Yeah, you know.

Speaker 1: 44:47

I mean, oh, like a robot, hi, welcome. Yes, we'll be happy to do this. It's like the person at Walmart that gives you the sticker in here's the next sticker, in here's the next sticker and here's a sticker. Right, that's a robot. You know, that's not how you develop relationships. It's not how you have people Refer you or put you in their will or, you know, refer you to all their divorce.

Speaker 2: 45:08

Meeting is gonna be all right. Y'all, our relationship skills are not on park, I'm just told me, and we're not in anybody's will For the pictures at my funeral. I did actually just have somebody come in yesterday and they said I want to have really good, beautiful funeral pictures of myself where I look happy number one. This woman was the sweetest person in the world. But so we are now getting funeral Pictures of clients and it just, it just made me happy that she was. She carried that much.

Speaker 1: 45:44

Yeah, so she wants them Before she's dead, not after she's dead.

Speaker 2: 45:49

She was to take them before, she said right, but then have them put up.

Speaker 1: 45:52

You know what? That is brilliant and that is a person that is actually caring about her, all of her family. Yeah, and making sure it's done right. My aunt, 92 that died had detailed instructions of what everybody was supposed to do, so nobody had to worry, nobody had to call the florist, nobody had to do anything and it just so they were able just to be more as a family. Yeah, everybody's able focus on being a family instead of making sure that the food was delivered for the reception. Very smart woman. Very smart woman. And I think you know, yes, if you're getting to that age you want, you don't want them going back through and say I only have this one from 1945, whoever happens to be, you know when they shop out the excess.

Speaker 1: 46:34

Yeah, oh yeah yeah, right, cut right around the head.

Speaker 2: 46:37

But, yeah, everything that you're sharing, that was like it's so relevant and People need to hire you to help customize it too. Well, and it's, you know, I.

Speaker 1: 46:48

I, we have lived with cell phones and text so much I've lost clients on cell phones. On the text I didn't think it sounded that bad, but when I said it to my husband goes, yeah, I would ditch do to my. But all I said was and he's like what you say, it's how they read it. It's how they read it. He said, robin, if I read that I probably woke on. She doesn't really understand me. Yeah, you know, and we so. It's why I have one client that she will only do voice text. She will not text. I have another client that anytime it's important he will do a video of it. Same thing with me. It's because the fact that People misread everything they think that you know you're being short, even though you're not they don't hear the voice you hear. So we have to get away from that and start having conversations smart like and you know, the study was just said.

Speaker 1: 47:40

I heard it on I guess TOP today that everybody thinks from working from home is great, but they found depression, anti social anxieties, all these things are Off the charts now in the past two years, because people are not getting out anymore, because they don't know how to communicate yeah, they don't know how to have that conversation that says hi, you know, this is what we do when we go outside.

Speaker 2: 48:06

This is how we look at somebody in the eyes, I know, and actually you can see my mouth now, not Right.

Speaker 1: 48:11

People recognize you, they go. Oh, are you the same person with the mask? Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2: 48:17

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, I got you. I got you but it it is true even now in all areas of life.

Speaker 1: 48:22

It really is. It's in all areas of life. My daughter said she and her boyfriend went to a meeting the other day and they said, shim, are we really that anti social that we don't even know how to talk to people at a party? It was a party celebration and didn't even know. They kind of stood around because they lost that and that was a very large part of their Dating together for six years. Is that they would have all these groups of friends and they said, yeah, we don't even know how to socialize.

Speaker 1: 48:48

So it is communication, socialization, just caring, empathy, I mean just showing up and caring and listening to somebody. I love it, actually, besides the guy that was trying to sell me a timeshare I love it when I could know everything about you and then you go oh, by the way, I don't even know what do you do. Yeah, and it's like we'll talk about that next time. Yeah, because Then I get to just enjoy the fact that you feel good about who you are and that, to me, is Life-changing, it's just abundant. Yeah, I love, I remember I used to. I don't do.

Speaker 2: 49:24

As much networking as I used to when I first started my business and I remember leaving so many conversations when people they would Get my contact information and then they would message me and be like, oh my gosh, I'm so, so, so, so sorry, I didn't ask you a single question about you. I'm like now it's cool. No, I like that part. Let's make it all about you. Anyway, that's easier.

Speaker 1: 49:47

But yeah, yeah, but no, I really enjoy that part, because then I know how to talk to people. I enjoy that part because then I know how to have a conversation with you and then I know it's important to you and then we can go from there and really create a great quick, you know friendship. You know, if I just sit there and say, well, last year I did this and I did that, and my husband, I went here and went here oh, you know, because we all know somebody has your story. Oh, I went to so-and-so. Oh, I've been there five times now. Where did you like about? Oh, I love this and I did this. And what did you think of that? Oh, yeah, I did too. You totally walked all over their story. Yeah, totally just have made them feel like, well, let me go find somebody else at the party to go talk to yeah.

Speaker 1: 50:27

Instead of saying, oh wow, I've been there, but you know what I would love to hear about yours, because it's been so long ago. Has it changed? What's happened there? You know? But let them know you have at least some coming out. You know commonality, yeah, but yeah, don't let people have their story, the stories are what makes everybody fun.

Speaker 2: 50:44

Lil and I have talked about that before is like that was you, lil? Right, I think it was you. We have a conversation. I think we're. No, no, it was also. You're gonna get to meet her in a minute, where she was like. You know, sometimes I want to be able to tell people, you know, yes, that same thing happened to me, but I don't want to walk all over their story.

Speaker 2: 51:01

But, I want them to know that, like I get how you're feeling, like how do I make that Shift? And I my advice to her was, you know, say other piece, but then say buy it. I want to know, like, how did it ended up? How to go for you.

Speaker 1: 51:15

Oh my gosh, I've had that too. Oh, you know what? I don't think mine went as well as yours. So let me learn from you. Why'd you do? You know, I it is very, because you always have a story. Everybody has a story. It's like oh, I just went to Wegmans. Oh, I did too. What was yours like? No, I went to Wegmans. Oh, really. So tell me about it the new one arresting, and what you think of it. And you know not, they don't need to know. You went there. Yeah, I mean, it's not. It's not gonna make them feel bad or anything better. And at the end you might, you know, you could say something along the lines you know what? I went there and didn't like it, but after your story, I'm gonna go back. Yeah, you know, I drove by and come find a parking space, but after your story, I'm gonna go back. Thanks for telling me I.

Speaker 2: 51:55

Like that. Sometimes you just don't need to share it. Mm-hmm, you know it's not gonna.

Speaker 1: 51:58

No, it won. Upmanship is so overrated.

Speaker 2: 52:02

I see people that it might not be one month. They don't. They don't recognize that that's what's happening, right.

Speaker 1: 52:08

They're just wanting to bond with the person and that's how they Right that they're connecting because we always have a friend or us or somebody else that has done that, and we've heard it before, although I haven't found anybody else has jumped off a cliff and broke their back besides me and my husband. But if I do, that will be a fun one to compare stories with.

Speaker 2: 52:27

So how many did you actually?

Speaker 1: 52:29

And did you like a flat on that side? How'd you?

Speaker 2: 52:32

get help. That's crazy. All right, so to wrap this up, what is one piece of advice or one thing that you would like to share with the world?

Speaker 1: 52:46

People are incredible. People are fabulous. They offer so many opportunities to give, to receive and to be just abundant in their lives and and I think it's our responsibility just to be there and embrace them and learn from them and have that relationship with them. And the best way to do it is just Talk to them. I walk around smiling people like what's wrong with you. I'm like I just smile at people. I have kids come to me because I'm smiling. That that that's to me. If I could leave something with the world is that we all have a different level of conversation. That stops all this craziness that we have. It's just craziness out there and I Don't want to go into cocoon and act like I don't know what's happening. So I'd rather do it one person at a time and change the world and have us communicate better.

Speaker 2: 53:36

I Love that. You're like a magnet. Yeah, I am, it's called my aim this.

Speaker 1: 53:44

I just think everybody's great. Oh, this was so much fun, thank you.

Speaker 2: 53:51

No, it's amazing, I'm excited.