Pocketful of Mojo
Pocketful of Mojo
The Missing Piece of the Let Them Theory
We unpack what the popular "Let Them Theory" doesn't tell you and why finding your "Let Me" energy is essential for true freedom and fulfillment. The missing piece isn't just about letting others go, but discovering what you truly want after years of people-pleasing.
• The "Let Them Theory" is powerful but incomplete without knowing what you want for yourself
• Many people-pleasers have lost touch with their authentic desires after years of making others happy
• Achievement without alignment equals exhaustion, not joy
• Success isn't about external approval but inner peace and fulfillment
• How to conduct a "dream audit" to discover if your goals are truly yours
• Physical and emotional signals that indicate whether a goal excites or exhausts you
• Journal prompts to help uncover your authentic desires and aspirations
• The ultimate test: Would you still pursue your dream if nobody ever applauded?
Your mojo move this week: Pick one dream and honestly ask yourself, "Is this dream really mine?" If not, today is the perfect day to start building one that is.
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Hey friends, welcome to Pocketful of Mojo. Today we're gonna talk about what the let them theory doesn't tell you and how to finish the sentence when they say let me. You've probably heard about the let them theory floating around the social medias, right, you know the vibe. If they wanna leave, let them. If they wanna talk, trash, let them. If they don't show up for you, let them. And listen. It's cute.
Speaker 1:There's a real freedom in releasing that death grip we sometimes have on how other people act. And, as recovering people pleasers, we sometimes struggle to figure out who we are and what we want when we're not taking care of everyone else. But and you knew there was a but, didn't you? The let them theory leaves out one major thing you can't fully let them until you know what you're letting yourself do. You have to find your own. Let me energy. So today we're going to dig into what I consider the pre-work that will make the impact of the Let them Theory really take hold.
Speaker 1:Welcome to Pocketful of Mojo. I'm Steph, your Mojo Maven and maker of this podcast, created so that we could have a space where we tune in, to get tapped in and turned on to our best stuff, to get tapped in and turned on to our best stuff. So normally my intros have been getting really long and going on and on about how mojo is, that feeling of being unstoppable, that force of nature that we really are, and I rattle on and on about how my life used to be a dumpster fire, where my marriage ended and my mom died and I moved home to Canada from France to take care of my dad and myself and have since rebuilt my life from scratch. But thanks to Mojo, I'm not only back on track, but I'm better than I've ever been. And now you're here, so you must be looking to tap into your Mojo too. Welcome, my friend. I'm glad you're here Now. Together we can dig into our own mojo to navigate this life on purpose and remember that this life has way fewer rules than we were led to believe. And I can tell you this from authority, because since discovering the power of mojo, I've promoted myself to president of doing whatever I want, and no one's come to stop me. So I'm here as a fellow flawed human to remind you that you can start from where you are, you can be who you want to be, and our beliefs are just thoughts that we think over and over again. I'm just here to gently remind you that the best days are still ahead. If you want, you're in charge and I'm here to be your emotional Sherpa, help you navigate the messy bits in the middle between where you are now and where you want to go. The main ingredients are self-love, self-awareness and an unbreakable relationship with what you truly want intention and empowerment. That's mojo, and you've already got it. It's just been sleeping.
Speaker 1:So today's episode, we're going to unpack some of the sound bites that are saturating the self-help world at the moment and help you navigate your place inside all of the advice floating around out there. But before we begin, a quick love note, because, first things first. If you know me, you know I'm a fan of Mel Robbins. I mean, come on the straight talking. Check no fluff motivation, check Turning light bulb moments into actual change. Girl same. In fact, if you vibe with Mel, you're probably going to feel right at home here at Mojo Mastery, because we're walking the same path of helping you ditch the bullshit, build real confidence and live a life that actually feels as good as it looks. So hear me loud and clear this is not a let's drag Mel moment. This is a let's take a powerful idea and make it even more transformational moment. Because here's the truth. Nobody's really talking about. The let them theory is brilliant, but if you don't do the pre-work it can leave you standing there like, okay, now what? And that's where Mojo Mastery comes in. With Mojo Mastery we're about building the deep foundation, the unshakable self-knowledge, the clarity, the soul fire that makes let them not just a catchy slogan but a whole damn way of life. All right. So now that we're all friends here, let's get into it.
Speaker 1:So if you're even remotely on social media and consume content that's even slightly self-help adjacent, then you will likely have heard of Mel Robbins' book, the Let them Theory. Me too, I had been a fan of Mel's for a while, listened to her talks, her podcasts, her guest spots, the soundbites, and have quite the collection of aha moments thanks to a lot of those mediums. Then came the big book. It was everywhere. The algorithm really got my number because I was learning a lot about this let them theory before I even cracked the book. Then a few of my gal pal entrepreneurs were looking for a good reason to get together and they came up with the idea of a book club. Our first book, you guessed it, the Let them Theory. So, with every copy in the city sold out, I leaned on my trusty Audible app and downloaded. I Did, and as I was listening to the book, I felt really tuned in to everything Mel was saying and as I kept going through the book I felt an alignment and I felt really seen and really understood.
Speaker 1:And then Mel got to the part where she introduces the much less famous part of the let them theory, which is the let me part. Boom, this is game changing, I thought. So if you haven't read the book yet, the key piece of information comes after she's defined the let them portion of the theory. In chapter two of Mel's book, she adds that after the let them comes the let me this critical action of letting yourself take ownership, and emphasizes the importance of not only allowing others to be themselves that's the let them part but also taking accountability and responsibility for your own actions and responses, and that's the let me part. So Mel goes through this two part approach and colors it with personal anecdotes about feeling excluded, like when her friends went on a trip without her, and she gave a few other really good examples, and she really paints a good picture of how letting go. It gives you this certain kind of relief, and it comes from a very mature place, and she explains what comes after you've let them and how. This is your cue to now pivot into what serves you, instead of seeing life through the approval or the acceptance of other people. You, instead of seeing life through the approval or the acceptance of other people. Good stuff, right? Well, maybe not. Let me explain. You see, mel is 56. I'm 46.
Speaker 1:And as I got about halfway through the book, it hit me. You see, if I had read this book 10 years ago, or even five years ago, I would have been completely wrecked by the let them theory. I would feel empowered to tolerate other people's energy and get off the bus of other people's wishes and expectations. But then what? I would be off of the people pleasing bus, sure, but then I'd just be left on the side of the road alone, with no compass and no roadmap to where I want to go.
Speaker 1:Because the truth is is, until recently, and until I found my mojo, I really had no idea what I wanted. Because, you see, I was so deeply rooted in making other people happy that I had lost touch with what had made me happy, what made me me, what my dreams even were, let alone how to get there? Because, for me, my identity had been wrapped up in all kinds of common traps. First, my identity was tied to my job. My career wasn't what I did. It became who I was, and when the job was gone, I was lost and I was a wife, and then I wasn't, I was a daughter. Then I lost my mom, and all of these external things that were defining me were falling away, and the jarring existential crisis came to find me loss after loss after loss.
Speaker 1:But I'm here to say that it doesn't have to be that way and that knowing yourself is truly the best kept secret when it comes to living a life you love. And the best part, you already have all the answers. It's just that no one has asked you the right questions until now. So let's talk about the secret sauce they forgot to mention. So let's talk about the secret sauce they forgot to mention.
Speaker 1:Let me means you need to do your homework, and my hot take here is that it's not enough to let them, you also have to let me, which Mel did include, but what she failed to address is that you have to know what you want. She says let me chase my dreams. Okay, but what are your dreams? Are they your dreams or the dreams that you were conditioned to dream? Are they the dreams you had 20 years ago, when you were a completely different person? When was the last time you took the pulse to find out what your dreams are today?
Speaker 1:She says let me say no without guilt, but are you tuned into why you want to say no? Do you know what you're protecting when you do say no? Saying no, for the fact of saying no may not be helping you, or it might, but it's all about attention, intention and boundaries. She says let me wear what I want, live how I want, love who I want. Wear what I want, live how I want, love who I want, build what I want, and that's wonderful and I 100% agree. But do you know what makes you feel fabulous when you wear it? Do you know how you want to live if it's not the life that you're currently living? Do you know what you're looking for in your love life, what you'll tolerate and what you won't, what your deal breakers are? Do you know what kind of life you want to build, or is it simply based on what the outside world has told you. It should look like. You can't let them just for the sake of letting them. There needs to be more. So these are the real questions only you can answer. And here's the kicker you can't let yourself anything if you don't even know who you really are.
Speaker 1:Most people pleasers hi, my beautiful recovering tribe have spent years living according to what society said was appropriate, what school said was successful, what family said was responsible and what culture said was appropriate, what school said was successful, what family said was responsible and what culture said was acceptable. So when we finally get that sweet permission slip to let them, we're standing there holding it and realizing we don't even know what we want to do next. Awkward Like. I remember sitting on my couch after one of the most freeing conversations of my life and it was really a let them moment.
Speaker 1:I'd been working for Starbucks for about 15 years and the company had morphed into something that I no longer recognized and I felt burnt out and drained, definitely unaligned and absolutely exhausted and drained, definitely unaligned and absolutely exhausted. Look, it was time to go. But it was also a career that I had worked so hard to build and given so much to. And it turns out I wrapped a lot of my identity around that job, so leaving. While it felt like the right thing and the company wanted to go in a direction I couldn't support, leaving was still clearly the best option, and it was time to chase my own dreams. But when it got quiet, I realized something brutal. I didn't have a clue what dreams were actually mine. Was my corporate career even my dream, or was it just the dream I was handed at 22 and told to chase until I collapsed?
Speaker 1:So my invitation to you at this point, dear listener, is when was the last time you asked yourself why you want the things you're working hard for? When was the last time you asked yourself why you want the things you're working toward? Quick reality check Are you chasing your dream or someone else's? Because here's a spicy truth Not every dream is actually yours. Sometimes your dreams are just teacher's gold stars that you never stopped chasing. Now it's your boss, whose approval you're dying for. Now it's the promotion you're pouring all your time and energy and best stuff into. Or maybe it's your parents approval you're still dying for.
Speaker 1:And maybe you're still waiting for that attaboy or that a girl, and maybe you're looking for that from your partner, or maybe it's society's version of good enough that you're hustling so hard to earn. You're seduced by the life that you see on Instagram and you're baffled at the lives people are leading online and wondering what you're doing wrong to not have a life that looks like that. But it's time to put the filters away. It's time to stop looking at your life through the lens of other people's experiences and their results. They're not you and you're not them. So when it comes to your dreams and your goals, there's only one litmus test If it doesn't light your soul on fire, it might not be your dream. And yeah, we can get brainwashed into thinking that beige dreams are thrilling.
Speaker 1:So let's have a look at some myths and let's do some myth busting. So myth number one If I achieve enough, I'll finally feel happy and fulfilled. The truth Achievement without alignment, that's going to equal exhaustion, not joy. Ask any burnt out overachiever, a 35 year old me, and she'll tell you. Making other people's dreams come true brings satisfaction, but it can be fleeting because it's not rooted in you.
Speaker 1:Myth number two success means other people's approval of my life choices. Truth here other people's opinions are none of your business. Approval is a moving target and you're never going to hit it, so why not aim for inner peace instead? Look, approval, it's like perfume it's nice, but if you're doing it right you don't need it. Perfume was perfected and popular because people used to stink Like stinky stink. It masked what was really going on, and I'm talking zero hygiene. It was the olden days, so like it was accepted as the norm. So when it comes to approval, if that's your motivation, then your why is off track. It's lipstick on a pig. It's not going to get you the fulfillment that you've been conditioned to believe it's going to bring you. Only you can do that.
Speaker 1:So, when it comes to other people approving of your life choices, girl, remember they don't care as much as you think they do, as much as maybe you'd like them to trust. And as a 46-year-old woman who is unpartnered, divorced, no kids and a caretaker to my aging father, I'd probably be toast if I based my happiness on what other people thought of my choices. Heaven help me if there was a referendum on what people think of my choices. But the good news, it's my life and I don't fucking care. Now, having said that, it's taken me 46 years to get here and spent a long time seeking approval, which is why I'm here to help you navigate some of these sneaky pitfalls of adulthood. So let's make this work for you.
Speaker 1:Here's an impactful activity, and I like to call it the dream audit. So the first thing you're going to do is you're going to write down your top three to five goals. I'm talking career, relationships, fitness, money, hobbies, bucket lists, all of it. You can write them all down and then pick your like top three to five. And then the next thing you're going to do is you're going to answer these questions, and you're going to do it honestly, because no one's watching and nobody cares. You're going to look at each of those and you're going to say whose voice is driving this dream? Is it yours? Is it your parents? Is it society? Is it fear? And then ask yourself if I had zero fear of judgment, would I still want it?
Speaker 1:Now, this can be a tricky one, so really sit with it. It's just you talking to you. So it's okay to say no as much as it is okay to say yes, but know that you'll hurt no one's feelings if you change your mind, because you are allowed. Then look at your goals and say does this excite me or exhaust me when I picture living it out loud? So if you're getting stuck here, there's a way that you can really figure out your true response when you're asking that question does it excite me or exhaust me? So let's dig into that a little bit further.
Speaker 1:The first thing you're going to feel is that little flutter in your chest or in your stomach, like butterflies. It's excitement, it's curiosity, maybe even slight nerves, but like the good kind, if fear is driving it, the butterflies are going to feel like bats. Check for the butterflies. Instead, you might also feel yourself naturally leaning forward, either mentally or physically. You want to imagine it. You find yourself daydreaming about it without even forcing yourself to, and when you daydream about it you can see yourself actually doing the thing, like the visualization is strong. And then, the more you think about it, you feel energized and you want to take more steps towards it. And you might feel like, oh my God, I have so much to learn. But there's motivation there and not dread.
Speaker 1:Maybe you want to run a marathon, so you start thinking about all the little details, like getting new shoes and finding a new rutting buddy, and things just start bubbling up effortlessly. And then this one is big and it's a huge green flag. If you look at your goals and you would pursue it even if nobody applauded or noticed, then you know it's about fulfillment and not external validation. So would you run the marathon and not tell anyone? Would you save up for that trip to Italy and not post a single photo? You know it's the right dream for you if it feels aligned with who you are becoming, not who you're trying to impress.
Speaker 1:So let's have a look at the other side, how to tell if a goal is exhausting you. Maybe you feel a heavy sinking feeling in your gut or in your chest, like a mental ugh or dread creeping in. Or maybe you feel yourself mentally pulling back or shutting down or closing the door. Maybe you avoid thinking about it unless you force yourself. Babe, very few good things come from forcing it, so keep that in mind. Or maybe you just immediately think about all the ways it could go wrong.
Speaker 1:Now, that could be your mindset and you could be focused on how hard it will be. But if it's meant for you, there will be thrill inside of that challenge and maybe you've been working at a goal and you need that external pressure to stay committed. So you need deadlines, you need people holding you accountable, which means that there's a fear of judgment that's driving this goal, not love and not passion. And if your goals feel like a checkbox that you should check and it's not a calling that you can't wait to answer, then, babe, that's not a goal for you. So a bonus mojo pro tip is that sometimes fear can mask excitement at first, especially if the dream feels big or risky. So, to dig deeper, you can ask yourself if I knew I couldn't fail, would I be thrilled to live this out? And if the answer is yes, it's fear disguising excitement. And if the answer is still meh, then it's probably not your dream.
Speaker 1:So a quick self-check activity you can do when you're picturing your goal out loud is to ask yourself what's the very first emotion that comes up when I think about my goal, before your brain starts shooting all over it. Do you feel pulled toward it or pushed into it? And if nobody clapped for you, would you still want to do it? Because your first feeling is your truth. Your brain will try to logic it away, but your body always knows, isn't that awesome? So let's make this foolproof, really get you locked in and loaded when it comes to checking in on your goals and making sure that they will pass the test of being in true alignment with who you are and where you want to go. So here's a set of journal prompts that you can use to go deeper after doing the excite me or exhaust me self-check. So, when you're ready to deep dive into your true dreams, you can ask yourself what dream or goal am I questioning right now? Write it out clearly in your own words no filtering, no shoulds.
Speaker 1:Number two when I picture myself living this goal fully, my very first gut level feeling is blank. Be brutally honest. Is it excitement, is it dread? Indifference, relief, panic. Then go ahead with number three. If nobody gave me a gold star or praise or likes or money or validation for achieving this, would I still want it? Why or why not? And then number four If I could wave a magic wand and guarantee success, would I be excited to step in this dream tomorrow? I be excited to step in this dream tomorrow. If not, what dream would I be excited to step into?
Speaker 1:Sometimes we have to figure out what we don't want in order to get closer to what we do want, and by sometimes I mean most times. And number five is a good one. Whose voice do I hear the loudest when I think about this dream? Is it mine? Is it parents, teachers, bosses, society? And then number six what would my own voice say if it were the only one I could hear right now? What would 80-year-old me say? What would eight-year-old me say? Check in with them, see what's up.
Speaker 1:So hot tip here the goal isn't to have all the answers immediately. The goal here is to start getting curious, because curiosity is how you find yourself again. So, yeah, let them, let them judge you, misunderstand, you, leave you, but also let you Let yourself dream differently. Let yourself pivot boldly, fail wildly, be messy about it, let yourself even disappoint some people oh my god right and become the person who lights up your own life. Once you do the homework, you'll have all the answers you need. And even better, you'll have all the answers you need and even better, you'll have a relationship with yourself that allows you to not have it all figured out, and that's okay. In fact, you'll see that the more you let go of what no longer lights you up, you'll start to uncover more and more of what does, and that is a hobby that will pay you back over the rest of your life. And whatever your dream is, when you're living it out loud, you will feel like the richest person in the world. So if you're going to let them, don't forget to let yourself. And, babe, that's where the real freedom party starts.
Speaker 1:So your mojo move this week is to pick one dream and ask yourself is this dream really mine? And if not, guess what? You can start building one that is today, not when you're better, not when you're ready, not after it's approved. Now, you were never here to live somebody else's life. You were born to create your own freaking masterpiece. And that, my friends, is mojo. And just like that, you officially have a pocket full of mojo. Carry it with you and let your light shine wherever you walk your own path to a life you love, so that you can love the life you live. Remember our time on this planet it's finite, but the love we can have, share and experience, babe, that's infinite. Go spend it wildly. And while you do that, check out the show notes for more ways to tap into your mojo. But until next time, stay fabulous, stay kind and put love in everything you do. This has been Steph with Pocketful of Mojo. Ciao, for now.
