28. Are You Questioning Your Parenting Skills Due to Your Childhood Trauma? Break the Cycle and Become the Parent that You Want to Be.

What if healing your own past could transform the way you connect with your family? 

Join me, Krystal Jae, the Empowerment Goddess, as we unpack the journey to healing and its ripple effect on family dynamics. With insights drawn from my own experiences as a mother and life coach, we explore the delicate dance between strictness and leniency in parenting. Discover the art of balancing love and discipline to cultivate a nurturing home environment where respect and understanding thrive.

Communication is the backbone of any relationship, and it's especially crucial with our children. This episode underscores the power of calm and clear communication over yelling, which often triggers defensive responses rather than understanding. By modeling and teaching effective communication, we lay the groundwork for our children to build healthy social interactions. Tune in for strategies to manage sibling squabbles and replace negative self-talk with empowering affirmations, fostering a supportive family atmosphere.

Positive reinforcement isn't just a feel-good buzzword; it's a transformative practice that can redefine family relationships. Learn how surrounding yourself and your loved ones with affirming messages can shift mindsets and encourage resilience. Through real-life stories and practical advice, I illustrate how embracing positivity and healing can turn your home into a sanctuary, strengthening bonds and inspiring growth. As we embrace this journey together, discover the beauty and strength waiting to be unlocked within your family.

Chapters

• 0:00 Healing Journey and Parenting Relationships
• 13:45 Effective Communication With Children
• 20:21 Power of Positive Communication Among Children
• 24:47 Positive Reinforcement for Self and Children
• 29:26 Transforming Family Relationships Through Healing

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

Hey, hey, it's me Crystal J, and thank you for tuning in to Suffering in Silence, right, and so today I just really want to go into just a little bit. And then I want to get to my children, y'all okay, but I just want to go into a little bit with how our healing journey also helps our children, right, and you're probably saying like, well, duh, or you may be like, well, how right. And I'm saying that because there's so many people who have toxic relationships with different family members or have toxic relationships with their parents or with their children or with their spouses and everything else, and a lot of times when we talk about toxicity, we talk about how we have intoxic relationships with a partner or an ex or a spouse or something like that, right, but one thing that I just really want to focus on is the relationships with our children. Okay, hey, hey, welcome to Overcome Suffering in Silence. Hey, hey, welcome to Overcome Suffering in Silence. It's time for you to stop people pleasing and create your better life.

Speaker 1: 1:09

I am Crystal J, the Empowerment Goddess and your Somatic, trauma-informed Life Coach. This season has already started in a way I couldn't even imagine. Now, are you ready for some realness, raw healing and a glimpse into what it feels like to walk in peace, clarity and purpose, while truly knowing who you are. If your answer is yes, then you've come to the right place. For the past two decades, I've been blessed to share my journey with countless women and a few men, empowering them to overcome the lingering shadows of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. Together, we confront the limitations that hold us back, like self-doubt, guilt, fear, shame and that pervasive sense of unworthiness. Dig deep to uncover the root of these feelings. Break free from the inner pain of suffering and silence. Find faith, grow in that faith and embrace the life that is meant for you. Enjoy the real stories and practical advice, life-enhancing skills and spiritual wisdom to guide you from pain to purpose, self-doubt to confidence and confusion to clarity. So let's leave the struggle bus behind and embark on this journey to discover the freedom, beauty and strength that lies within you. Remember you are not alone and you are enough when times get tough. Pray, listen and follow through, because God loves you, and trust me when I say he is not your trauma. Welcome to overcome suffering in silence with Crystal J.

Speaker 1: 2:56

And it's because at one point in time I was even worried about like dang like my, he's about to go into the military. Well, this is back then. I was like he was about to go into the military. You know, this senior year has been a lot of me and him was like butting heads a little bit during his senior year y'all and I just really was like man, like he's going to go away and I'm never going to see my child again, was like man, like he's going to go away and I'm never going to see my child again. And when I say that, that scared me and it had me so freaking worried because that was my, because he's my first love, like having my oldest child.

Speaker 1: 3:41

It taught me what true love is. It taught me what true love is. It taught me what unconditional love is. It taught me how to really want to really love someone else. It taught me how to want to live and be a better person for someone else, right? And do you keep getting the thing I keep saying like for someone else, right? And do you keep getting the thing I keep saying like for someone else right?

Speaker 1: 4:08

And that's because I wanted to be a better person for him, right. I wanted to show up for him and for me it was like that was being my best self right, being the best mother. That was how I was going to show up and be my best self right. Being the best mother, that was how I was going to show up and be my best self right. And so, of course, I wanted to have, like the picture perfect mother and son relationship, and I wanted him to know, without a doubt, that I loved him unconditionally. I wanted him to know, without a doubt, that I loved him unconditionally. I wanted him to know that he was accepted and that he was embraced and that he had nothing to worry about and that I would never leave him and that I would never abandon him and that I would never reject him and that I would never judge him. And I think that you're starting to get the point right.

Speaker 1: 5:06

And I'm not saying that other people don't have these same goals, but sometimes we don't know how to show up as that best parent or that best mother or that best father, or that best stepmother or stepfather, or bonus mom and bonus dad, however you want to put it. Sometimes we don't know how to show up and be that best version in that role, right? Because, let's be real, there's no manual that comes with it, right. And so what we do is we learn from the experiences that we've have already previously experienced, and we either be like, okay, this is how it's supposed to be, and so I'm going to be the same way, or we're going to be like, okay, well, you know what I don't like how that went. So I'm going to try, I'm going to do this totally different. I'm going to be the complete opposite, right. And so that's how sometimes we get to people to where there's like you know what?

Speaker 1: 6:03

My parents was really strict. They never let me go anywhere, they never let me do anything. It was always what they said when. But then, when you show, but then when you begin parenting, you're like I'm not going to be strict. But then you realize like dang, like I'm forever saying yes to my child, and now my child is, you know, a spoiled brat. My child doesn't respect me, my child doesn't listen to me, my child doesn't value anything. I say they do whatever they want to do. I can't even tell them anything. I tell them, no, they throw a freaking tantrum, you know. And or you can be like you know, as a child get older, it's like you know, you can't ever get them to where they're supposed to do anything. It's like always, like me, me, me, me, me. And you're like, oh my gosh, what did I do wrong? Right. And then there's the whole thing of OK, you may not went from one end to the other end and you're like somewhere in the middle and you're figuring it out out.

Speaker 1: 7:07

And I know, for me, especially with my oldest, like for me, it was very important for me to show up. For me to put him in the sports, for me to make sure I'm making it to all of his games, for me to put him into all these different classes to learn, to learn, like you know, um, what we so we did, uh, oh my gosh, I can't even think of it. Acting theater, there we go. He went to, you know, he went to theater camps and all that stuff, right, and I just cause, I just wanted him to experience so much and I wanted him to know that he had the support, right. But then along the way I kind of I realized I was like dang, like you know, I didn't know how to always communicate effectively, right, and I noticed that when, like, we would communicate and we have a good relationship, we have an awesome relationship. It's more like we're like kind of like best friends than anything.

Speaker 1: 8:07

Now he's older, he's 22 now and so, but there was times to where he would have to go to people and be like, hey, can you explain to mom? Can you explain to my mom and get her to understand where I'm coming from? Because for me there was times where I'd be like, look, I'm doing everything, I'm showing up for you, I'm being available for you and I'm providing you with everything you want, giving you everything that you need. I'm busting my butt, I'm working constantly. You know you're keeping up with the fashion trends, you're having all the new things and all this stuff and not realizing that sometimes it was just for us to just sit down and just watch a movie and enjoy that. Like that was part of like, so one of the things that my kids really really, really enjoy us doing together, and I love that too.

Speaker 1: 9:11

And one thing I would say is, like you know, along this journey, like I was scared of being abandoned, I was scared of being rejected, I was scared of being judged, I was scared of not being enough, not being loved and everything else. And so in my journey, when I would have difficult times and I would shut down my shutdowns, even though they were in public and even though there wasn't something to where, like I would just, like you know, explode or anything like that. My shutdowns was me like, okay, I got to have a moment and I would, like you know, retreat inwardly and retreat to myself. And I didn't always realize that me retreating within myself kind of shut off this, this extra attention that my kids would receive, cause it'd be like you know what, look, I'm too. I'm tired right now, like I just need a break. Y'all just leave me alone and I would like go and have my break which is good for us to have our breaks but like my breaks were literally like day longs or a week long or whatever else. I would just be like I would do what I needed to do but I wouldn't show up for anything extra, because it was like I'm doing what I need to do and that's all that I have the capacity of is showing up for what I needed to do.

Speaker 1: 10:40

And a lot of times that was because I was more in my head than anything right, and sometimes when we do that, we put thoughts in our head and those thoughts turn into actions and those actions have repercussions, right or and those repercussions could be good or they could be bad, right or somewhere in the middle, and a lot of. And sometimes, when our thoughts is like when I'd be like, you know, like I'm not showing up for my kids, then my subconscious mind's like, oh, I'm not showing up for my kids. So then guess what? Then my subconscious mind is like, oh, you're not showing up for your kids, you're a sorry mother, they deserve better. What do you think that you're doing? You could have done this and you could have done that. So then I go crazy or whatever else. And then I'm like, oh, my gosh, I'm just a horrible mom. So then there comes like the different tears, there comes the sadness, there comes the you know, like I'm sorry for being a horrible mom or whatever else, and not realizing that my kids don't see it that way. But at that time that's how I seen it, or whatever, even though I was doing what I needed to do right.

Speaker 1: 12:07

Another thing is that when we're on our healing journey, we learn different techniques, we learn different skills to implement into our lives right, to implement into our lives right. And so what made me really start realizing that my healing journey was also helping my kids was seeing the actions in them, right, because, like, I would see them starting with different habits that I was doing and I'm like, oh, or they would have different conversations with themselves and I'll overhear, and I'm like, oh, I love how they did that. And so a lot of things that we already know is that our children a lot of times mirror what we do and what we say, especially depending on their age and where they're at in our relationships. I can say, like one thing that I really wanted to do was make sure that my children was loved, and I wanted to learn how to talk better. Because, I'm going to be honest, there was definitely times to where I would get really frustrated and angry and I would just be like, hey, like you literally yell and be like, hey, I need y'all to sit down, I need y'all to go somewhere, I need y'all to do whatever, or you know, listen to me, or whatever else, and so like, yeah, yeah, you know people like, oh well, yelling is a part of of of parenthood and parenting or whatever else.

Speaker 1: 13:45

But I'm going to be honest, I really don't really agree with yelling all the time, or I really don't agree with yelling, and that's something that even I, even every now and then I have to be like okay, hold on, come back, I apologize, but I don't agree with that, with the yelling, because part of that is not healthy communication. Because, one, if someone's yelling at me, first of all I'm trying to figure out why the hell, why the heck, are you yelling at me, okay. Two, if you're yelling at me, I'm more focused on your tone and what you're saying and how your body is moving, because while you're yelling, my mind is going back to okay, what does this yelling mean? Does this yelling mean that this person is going to hurt me? Does this mean that this person is going to leave me? Does this mean that this person is going to continue to disrespect me?

Speaker 1: 14:50

And so our mind goes to different places and it activates our fight and flight system and we are so focused on the yelling. And if we need to protect ourselves, if we need to run, do we need to just argue? Do we need to fight back? Are we going to freeze, right? Are we going to shut down, right? That's where our mind goes a lot of times when someone is yelling, so when we're yelled, so even when, so, when we're yeah, so if that's where our mind goes and we're yelling at our kids, then, of course, where is their mind going?

Speaker 1: 15:25

First of all, what did I do wrong? I made mom, I made dad mad. Am I okay, am I safe? You, you know, but they're not thinking am I safe? They're going to be like, oh, am I is, is, am I in harm's way? Their body is trying to realize like hold on, how do I need to react to this? They're not really listening to the words that we're saying, because the same thing that we can be yelling like I need you to go do your chores and I need you to go clean your room and I need you to go clean the bathroom and I need you to go clean your room and I need you to go clean the bathroom and I need you to make sure that you get under your bed and I need to make sure that you, when you get through doing that, you need to vacuum and then, after you vacuum, you need to make sure you wash all your clothes.

Speaker 1: 16:05

And if we're yelling all of that, do you think that they are really processing any of that information? Because if someone was yelling all different tasks at you. Would you be paying attention to the tasks that they're saying? Right, and it's different for different people. Right, because some people, when someone's yelling, they're like, okay, hold on, I know I need to. If I don't listen because they're yelling, then it's going to become worse. And so they hone in on every single word as a protective mechanism. Right and so, but I'd rather have a healthy communication.

Speaker 1: 16:43

So, like, one thing that I would do with my kids, now that I know how to communicate effectively and in a healthy manner, is that I will sit there and I will call them downstairs and I'd be like, hey, can't, like, okay, today I want y'all to clean y'all's room. And so, when you clean your room, make sure that you know like one thing I tell my kids make sure you do it as if me or your dad is cleaning your room, because our clean and their clean is totally different things. Is your clean the same as your kid's clean? I want to know, like, seriously, let me know what's your clean and what's your kid's clean, because I'm telling you, oh, my goodness, Like there's like, oh, everything's off the floor, so it's clean. No, that's not. No, we're not doing that.

Speaker 1: 17:28

Like, I need you to get under your bed, I need you to fold your clothes or hang them in the closet. You know I need you to make sure that you're washing your sheets and your you know your pillow covers and your blankets. You know all the things, right, wipe down your furniture and all that kind of stuff. And so it's like, you know, we want to do those things, but we want to communicate effectively, right. And so if we are healing and we learn to communicate healthy, then guess what Our kids can learn to communicate healthy. And then it doesn't stay with just them, because they're not just communicating in a healthy way with us, they're communicating that way with other people, right, and I've seen that with my children, that they've like OK, you know, right now, I just feel like, you know, like when they feel like really aggravated or really angry, right, they know to go and take a break instead of just rumbling off with whatever's in their head at that moment, right. Or if they're witnessing something, you know, they now speak up and be like are you okay? Is there anything I can do to help you? Okay. And I love that they're able to communicate like that, because I know that they have now taken time to see how I communicate with them, and now they do it Right.

Speaker 1: 18:55

Another thing that I did with my kids when I was learning to really communicate better and to to defeat myself from judging myself and defeat myself from thinking negatively is that like when I would talk to? Is that like when I would talk to, when I would hear my kids yelling at each other or, you know, being siblings, right, I would just sit there and I'd be like, or they'd be like talking mess to each other or whatever, right. And so, even if it's like you know, as siblings, sometimes they're like man, you're stupid or you know, or you're ugly or you're so whatever, right. Well, however, you know, siblings bicker and like with my kids, even though I know that they're siblings and they're going to be siblings and they're going to talk mess to each other or whatever else, I still would be like uh-uh, hold on, turn it around. And now you done said this, hold on, turn it around. And now you done said this I need you to give me now, I need you now tell your sister, or tell your brother, three positives about themselves, three positive things about themselves. There are three good things about themselves and I would make them go and I would have them do that, and then they will spit out like three different things. I mean, you know and I'm like, and at first, when people first seen me, three different things. I mean you know and I'm like, and at first, when people first see me doing that, they're like you know, their siblings, they're going to do it. Yes, they are.

Speaker 1: 20:21

But one thing about it is when I was younger, when people like do your brain work? Are you stupid? Oh, my gosh, you're ugly or you're too skinny or whatever else, then guess what my subconscious mind remember that thing, remember those. And so then in my, so in my mind, they would play over and over and over and over again you're, you're too skinny, you're stupid. Does your brain work? If someone asks you that, then obviously it's not working. That a minus that you got it should have been an a plus, and so you are stupid and your brain doesn't work, because if it did work, that a minus would have been an a plus.

Speaker 1: 21:08

You know, um and so, or even hearing someone else tell someone else on a constant basis you're stupid, you're dumb, you're a b word, you an mf and all the other kind of stuff, and then all that stuff starts playing, and it was playing in my head as well, and so so I know the power of words right, and it's kind of like I forgot how, when we were kids, we was like, oh my goodness, oh, sticking stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. Is that true? Because I don't think it is, because words do hurt, and I understand coming up with that's where people will be like oh no, you just ignore the words that they use or whatever else. No, because at the end of the day, we're not going to ignore those words Later on, we're still going to play them, most likely.

Speaker 1: 22:18

And so that's why, for me, it was important to show my kids how to communicate more effectively and we can get our point across without using negativity and without being ugly to each other, right? And so that's why it was important for them to feed themselves those positive words. Because guess what I'm doing? I'm feeding myself positive words when I'm thinking damn, crystal, like you just sat here and you done got fat, you used to be so super skinny. Now you done got overweight and now you're not good enough. Maybe you'll be accepted if you was prettier or if you wore makeup or whatever else, and it was like I was thinking I'll have to change everything about me to where I would be accepted, to where I would be happy.

Speaker 1: 23:05

And it wasn't, and at the end of the day, I was just tearing myself down thinking I wasn't good enough, and so teaching my kids that every time they say something negative about themselves because I would even correct them if they said something negative about themselves, but they said something negative about themselves or said something negative to each other or someone else, and I was in earshot turning that into three positive truly made a difference. Right, because now they talk more positive towards each other and if they need a break and they're getting on each other's nerves, they're like look, I need a break Right now you're getting on my nerves and I just need some space right, where before it'd be like calling each other stupid and dumb and leave me alone and I hate you and I don't like you and all that kind of stuff. And we're not doing that. Right, they're using their words and they're telling each other what they need and what I've seen is that that has also improved their relationship to where they go to each other for help. They go to each other to talk about, like right now, I got teenagers at home and so now, like my teenagers, like they'll go to each other and be like, hey, I don't know how to do this, or when they're talking about different social skills, right, and so I love how they lean on each other. The end of the day, that's what I want. I want my children to be able to go to each other and know that within each other they can find a safe space, and so them being able to find that, being able to know that, being able to build each other up, is everything Okay.

Speaker 1: 24:47

And so, like they even got to the point to where it's more of building, of feeding positivity in themselves and changing the negatives into positives, that even if I slip and say something, they'll be like mom, I need three positives. And I'm like, oh, what did I say? And it makes me stop and think what did I say to myself? Or what did I say out loud that was negative? And then I even go even further. Once I realized what that saying was, then I'll be like okay, like later on I'll either do an audio, or even right there, sometimes I'll even be like, okay, I said this. Let's dig a little bit deeper, right, and I'll do that just in my audio recording and my note session on my phone, so then later I can go back and I can dig deeper and be like, okay, why am I feeling this way? What can I do to not feel this way? Right, and really look into that right.

Speaker 1: 25:48

And so, like, one thing that I like to do and I even tell my clients, my daughter has it in her room and I'm actually about to put some downstairs in my house Is that, like I have in my old office I haven't done it to this new office yet, but in my old office I had a sayings on my wall. That would be, that was encouraging, right, that was empowering. And then I also had like a tree, and with the tree goes into leaves and words, and those different words would be like you know, you're smart, you're lovable, you are goal-driven, you are beautiful, and just different words like that. So now, like when my daughter she used to this used to be my daughter's room that I'm in now, but she's in another room now, but the room that she's in now she has words on her wall of positivity. So then, that way, if she is feeling down, she has something in her room to be like, to read, to show her like, see those words, and they're not even in, like you know, one time I was someone who was like you know, hey, like you'll get used to those on your wall and just be like, oh, you know, they don't like, they don't matter, and I'm like, no, that's why you be intentional on the words that you use, because how many times have you been driven?

Speaker 1: 27:18

You driving and everything else and you read a attention to it or conscious attention to it, right, but your subconscious still process that, right. And so when you are looking at the walls and you're looking at the different things, your mind is still going to see that and your subconscious mind is still going to process that. So you're still feeding yourself the positivity. And that's why it's important, because right now, on one of these walls in here, I made a little thing and it says grow through what you go through. I see it all the time because it's right here on the wall. I see it all the time because it's like, right here on the wall, but I don't actively sit here and look at it and read it over and over and over.

Speaker 1: 28:27

But sometimes I will think of that saying, and so it's just surrounding yourself with the positivity, and so the different things that I've done on my healing journey, like today we talked about the healthy communication and being positive, right, those things have now incorporated and going into my children. So now when they go to school, guess what they're doing? They're being more positive. Of course, teenagers are going to be teenagers, but they're being more positive and they're being more encouraging, right, instead of tearing each other down, right, because, like when, for one instance, like my daughter came home and she was talking about how another girl got mad at another girl so they expected her to stop talking to her, she was like, no, like, why would I even do that? Like I'm both of y'all's friends and really the what y'all are talking about is really a misunderstanding.

Speaker 1: 29:26

And she was saying how she tried to talk to them and let you know, try to you know, show them how it's a misunderstanding and how, just because they have a disagreement on something or don't have the same view on something, that that doesn't mean that they can't be friends or they can't be around each other, right? And so I just love seeing how, now, since I know how to communicate with my kids. They have the opportunity to come to me. They have the opportunity to be like uh-uh mom. I need three positives, right when, if I'm yelling, do you think they're going to be like uh-uh mom? I need three positives Because they wouldn't know anything about that, right, they wouldn't know that the words that they use can dig deeper than just coming out their mouth and someone hearing it and it goes away. They understand how it affects our mind and how it can harm us and how our words can lead to our mind thinking and we're having thoughts and we're having actions, and then we can do different things regarding those actions. And so that's why it's really important part of why, anyway, while why it's really important for you to go on your healing journey, because, even if you're not actively doing, every single step that you're taking with your kids, they can see that difference and they can notice the way that you're acting and how you are now dealing with different situations, how you are communicating with them, how you are showing up. And all of that matters Because now I look at my kids like my son son, he just came home to visit and we surprised the two, the two younger ones and they like came in, like when he came and he grabbed them from behind, they both like screamed and they just hugged their brother.

Speaker 1: 31:38

And so ever since then, like they've been so much with them and they've been talking about oh mom, we did this, now he's here, we can do this here with him. And so they're talking. And then, like last night we had like we had like an impromptu family night. We were playing board games and everything. We went through like three different games last night where we were playing and, um, now they're like oh yeah, now it's all five of us all five of us going to be home, we can sit here and I can be the champ now and everything else.

Speaker 1: 32:06

And so it's like it's lovely just seeing them interact with each other and love on each other and be in the same room together instead of hibernating in separate rooms and not really giving each other that attention, right and so, and having that closeness. And so, like I just remember I'm like dang, like I'm really glad that you know I went on my healing journey to where I'm not tearing them apart, to where they feel like they have to retreat, to where they feel like they have to be in their rooms because they may be like yeah, I know I can come out, but in the back of their mind they're like look, if I come out, if I do something wrong, I'm going to have to hear it and I don't want to hear it, right, or I'm going to be like or she's going to think about something, or he's going to think about something, and there's going to be a fight Like I'd rather just be in my safe space and knowing that they can be out their rooms and that room isn't just their safe space, but their whole home is, and each other is, and the people in the house is all of that is their safe space, right, and I love knowing that, because now they know like I'm good, I can show up, I can come out, because there was not all, because there are many kids who are not able to do that. They know. Okay, I have to retreat to my room. This is the only place that I'm safe and I don't want to leave out of here. So let me stay in here as long as I can and I'm going to go out real quick and I'm going to run back in and it's the end.

Speaker 1: 33:47

It kind of sucks, because then when they're outside, then that's when they feel like they're living and they try all different kinds of things because they're trying to figure out okay, where do I belong? Because they don't have anybody to go to, they don't have an example of what it feels like to be safe, to what it feels like to be loved, what it feels like to have positivity, and so if I didn't learn those things, then my kids, it's a high possibility that my kids wouldn't have learned those things or they would have to learn those things on their own, going through their own different struggles and everything else to get to that conclusion. And so that's only part of why our healing journey is important, and not just for us but also for our children. It helps with our relationships and there's many times to where, like you know, with my clients that you know they've had, you know, hard relationships with their kids. Some of my clients have had adult children and they're like I get perfectly along with these, but this one we just we can't do it.

Speaker 1: 35:15

And I've been that child with my mom, like we already knew we couldn't be in the same room, but now I'm like we can be in the same room, we can hang out. I call her, she called me, we go and we, you know we try to go and do things together and everything else right, because I went on that healing journey and I can learn how to communicate and talk better. Right and sure she's done like her part of on on her healing side. Right, and so it was just a point of learning the different skills and the techniques that we need to where we can show up as better people, to where we can show up as a healed version of us or a healing version of us.

Speaker 1: 35:57

Right, because I even had I've had now a couple of clients who have literally like, wrote sincere letters to their children, to their adult children, and then because they couldn't talk to their children but you know, like they feel like it's just going to be blocked if they try to even talk, and those letters opened up the communication to where they can start healing together. Right, and I've had it to where, you know, to where a client was like I really want to reconnect with my mother, but I wasn't raised with her, she's just me off to live with my father and we just never had a connection. It's not like I dislike her or we argue or whatever else, we just don't have a connection and she was able to start building that relationship and opening up and having that communication and having those difficult talks. And so it's just important to know that just because a relationship with your child or with your parents is fractured, that doesn't mean it has to stay that way, because you can heal and you can bring along with that healing, you can repair that relationship and if you're still raising your kids while you're on your healing journey, your kids are going to witness and see the changes that you're making. Speaking and there are even activities that I do with some of my clients that who and they do those activities with their kids or they share their activities with their children and their children's like oh, and it helps them communicate and process too, because a lot of things that I do with my clients, my adult clients, I do with my children and it helps them learn and process themselves and the things that they're doing, their nightmares, different relationships that they're having, different feelings that they're going through and we know teenagers go through all types of feelings and things right, but I think we done talked about this a little bit.

Speaker 1: 38:23

I won't say too long. We didn't talk about this. Enough for today, and so I just wish y'all a happy, happy, happy, happy day, evening, whatever it is for you, and make sure that you follow, make sure that you share the podcast, make sure that you leave me a review, because if I, if you don't leave your feedback, because if you don't leave your feedback, or if you don't tell me that I don't know that I'm giving you what you want and what you need or what you would like. I'm not even going to say what you like to hear, because that I'm not going to do. I'm not going to tell you what you like to hear. I'm not an enabler, sorry people, not an enabler, sorry people.

Speaker 1: 39:13

But I'm definitely going to be the one that is on your team cheering for you to overcome the suffering and silence, the one that's going to help you embrace who you are, discover who you are, own who you are, show up authentically as who you are, as who you are, and I'm definitely going to be that person to help you stop people pleasing, because you're not going to be worried about the fear of judgment, the fear of abandonment. You're going to know how to communicate in a healthy, effectively communicative way. And so I just want you to remember to take time for you, begin your healing journey and, if you're already on your healing journey, keep going. Yes, life still continues to life. Right, life be life, and we all know that, and that is totally okay. But what is important is the skills and the tools and the resources that you have in your bag to pull from, to help you, give you the resources, to show you the techniques and everything else to help you move forward and to help you on your healing journey to where you can have that better life that you want and that you deserve.

Speaker 1: 40:37

Okay, and so, as you know, right now I'm accepting. I got a few spaces for one-on-one clients and, of course, I have a few more spaces left for the six-month all-in program for starting this month, and then it won't be no more openings until I don't know, because I don't know, but I have a few openings for both right now. So if you want to learn more about that, go to crystaljcom slash book dash online and you can either sign up for your one-on-one coaching session, sign up for that six-month all-in program where we go really deep and we go step by step and we go really deep into discovering who you are. So at the end of that six months, you are showing up as a healthier, more positive, more better you in all parts of your life. Okay, and so I will talk to y'all next time.