29. Have You Been People Pleasing or Pleasing People? One of These Will Give You Healthier Relationships.

Have you ever wondered how much happier you could be if you stopped sacrificing your own needs for others?

Discover the transformative power of saying no to people-pleasing and yes to yourself in this episode with Krystal Jae, The Empowerment Goddess. 

Join us as we unravel the complex web of people-pleasing behaviors that often leave us feeling drained and unfulfilled. 

The impact on personal happiness and relationships. 

Along with the sacrifices made to keep others happy, the recognition of toxic relationships, and the importance of shifting towards healthier, mutual connections.

It's time to redefine self-care as a necessity and shed the guilt associated with prioritizing your well-being.

Together, we'll embark on a journey of empowerment and personal growth, moving from silent suffering to stepping into your purpose filled life. 

I'll guide you through actionable steps to stop people pleasing, embrace your authentic self, overcome the limitations from past traumas, and find your true purpose. 

Through real stories and practical advice, you'll gain the courage and clarity needed to take charge of your better life. 

Consider this your invitation to experience Empowered Transformational Healing and live a life that truly aligns with who you are. Remember, you are enough, and your journey starts now.

Chapters

• 0:02 Breaking the People-Pleasing Cycle
• 20:36 Prioritizing Self-Care and Self-Worth
• 30:29 Empowerment Coaching Session

Transcript

Krystal Jae: 0:02

Hey, It;s , me , and in this episode we are going to be talking about people pleasing and its impact on personal happiness and our relationships. Right, we are going to be discussing the sacrifices made to keep others happy, the recognition of toxic relationships and the importance of shifting towards a healthier mutual connection, real relationships, right Now. This conversation emphasizes the need for self-care, empowerment and the courage the courage to say yes to yourself, which ultimately guides you towards a transformational healing and personal growth. You will receive a few takeaways from this episode, like keeping everyone happy and how that often leads to personal sacrifice. We're going to talk about true relationships and how they should be mutual and supportive, how it's essential to recognize toxic relationships. We're going to talk about self-care and how it's not selfish and it's necessary for your well-being. We're going to talk about how guilt often accompanies the desire to prioritize yourself. Do you feel guilty putting you first? We're going to talk about that Now. Empowerment and y'all know I love me. Some empowerment, y'all Empowerment comes from taking action for your personal growth. I know I've been there and you deserve relationships that are fulfilling and healthy. So saying yes to yourself is the first step to true happiness. You are not defined by your past traumas. Those limitations gone. Okay, we are finding your purpose, because your purpose is the key to living a fulfilling life. So get ready to take notes. If you're driving or you can't take notes right now, download this episode for later and let's get started. Are you ready? I hope you are. Hey, hey, welcome. To Overcome Suffering in Silence, it's time for you to stop people pleasing and create your better life. I am Crystal J, the Empowerment Goddess and your Somatic, trauma-informed Life Coach. This season has already started in a way I couldn't even imagine. Now, are you ready for some realness, raw healing and a glimpse into what it feels like to walk in peace, clarity and purpose, while truly knowing who you are? If your answer is yes, then you've come to the right place.

Krystal Jae: 3:36

For the past two decades, I've been blessed to share my journey with countless women and a few men, empowering them to overcome the lingering shadows of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. Together, we confront the limitations that hold us back, like self-doubt, guilt, fear, shame and that pervasive sense of unworthiness. Dig deep to uncover the root of these feelings. Break free from the inner pain of suffering and silence, find faith, grow in that faith and embrace the life that is meant for you. Enjoy the real stories and practical advice, life-enhancing skills and spiritual wisdom to guide you from pain to purpose, self-doubt to confidence and confusion to clarity. So let's leave the struggle bus behind and embark on this journey to discover the freedom, beauty and strength that lies within you. Remember you are not alone and you are enough when times get tough, pray, listen and follow through, because God loves you, and trust me when I say he is not your trauma. Welcome to Overcome Suffering in Silence with Crystal J.

Krystal Jae: 4:56

So for years I believed that keeping everyone around me happy and supported, by giving them my all would keep them next to me, that they would love me, appreciate me and never leave me. I believe I had a real, solid relationship with the people in my circle, in my corner, in my family, in my friendships, in my associates, in my whatever. I thought that it was real and we understood the relationships that we had right and that it was coming from both ends. But the truth is it never really was for some of them, right. I was pleasing them to keep the fear of abandonment, loneliness and rejection away. They were present because of why not? I was available, right, so why not be present? Right? Why not be around? I would show up, I would do. I would sacrifice my wanting to relax my me time, my going out, going to maybe even a concert, hanging with other adults, just having fun and traveling and doing the things that I wanted to do so other people could go and do these things.

Krystal Jae: 6:27

Can you relate? Are you sacrificing yourself and the things that you want so everybody else can go do those things? I know someone out there relates to me and I know you do. See, I would use my last dime to pay other people's bills, leaving me to scrounge up money for my own or get a bill extension. Who's gotten a bill extension before? Yeah, when things were good financially for me, I would drain my savings taking care of other things for other people, and most of the time it wasn't for myself. Can you relate to that?

Krystal Jae: 7:14

Yet I continued to make sure that they were happy while I was just making it, because I thought that you know what I'm going to feel better about myself. If everybody else around me is happy, content and have everything they want, then I'm going to be happy. Do you feel that way? And if you feel that way, I'm going to ask you a question Are you really happy? Be honest, not just with me, but, more importantly, be honest with yourself. I mean, that's what we're supposed to do is be honest with ourselves and take care of others, ourselves and take care of others. But are we really supposed to take care of others when it puts everything that we've worked for at risk, when it puts our sanity at risk? Is that what we're really supposed to do Now?

Krystal Jae: 8:19

Maybe you're used to keeping your feelings buried, right? You're like I got to bury my feelings so that I can keep the peace. Or you are constantly taking care of someone else's wants, in spite of your needs. Maybe you keep saying yes to the ex, knowing that pain and disappointment is just around the corner. But what you see is I want to make this work. So me saying yes, it's going to work.

Krystal Jae: 9:04

This time you swallow your words, your feelings, your thoughts because everyone else is great, while you, you silently struggle. You hide that you are drinking or smoking because you kind of know that you have an issue. But drinking and smoking and sleeping and eating all the things that aren't healthy takes the pain, the fear and the doubt away. And as long as you continue to show up and keep everyone else happy. Your flaws, your worry, your fear doesn't matter. Having people to please is everything, because you know that at least you have people that are there with you, that are around you, because that is better than being abandoned or left alone.

Krystal Jae: 10:20

But guess what? There's an alternative, a good alternative, and this is where you are pleasing to people. You are happy, joyful, secure, loving, you're at peace, you're confident, you look forward to each day. You are surrounded by the ones who are truly present. They're supportive, non-judgmental and love you. Guess what? They love you for you.

Krystal Jae: 10:59

Now, don't get me wrong. They may get on your nerve from time to time, but they are your peeps, your people, and you were theirs. There is also no questioning that they are for you and you are for them. You show up for each other, you give to each other, you celebrate each other, you laugh together, you can even cry together and if you need to scream, they say, hey, let's scream. You are pleasing to be around and have in their life and they are pleasing to be around and have in your life. You can communicate, you listen to, understand each other and respond with intention, sincerity, kindness.

Krystal Jae: 11:52

Now, these relationships being pleasing to people are two-sided and not one-sided, as you see, don't you want that Right Now? You may need a break from each other and they're like that's cool, but the most important part about being pleasing to people is that it's love, grace, comfort, security, and it's for each other. Now, this is a great time for you to take some action real quick. I want you to share this episode right now. Pause me. Share this episode right now with the first person on your mind when you was going through and you was listening to me, who crossed your mind. That's the person I want you to send this. To Do it Now. We shall begin to focus on having relationships that are pleasing to people.

Krystal Jae: 13:05

It would feel great to know that you no longer have to struggle with fear of abandonment. I know because I no longer have to struggle with fear of abandonment or the fear of being judged, fear of the toxic relationships, depressing conversation, feeling like I'm not good enough or like you're not good enoughing who you are for the sake of having people around you in your life for you to please. There is no more one-sidedness, no more suffering in silence, no more faking it and living with guilt and shame and confusion. No more hiding behind the bottle or hiding in plain sight. There's no more. No more. Don't spend one more minute feeling like the best thing that you can ever do is please others while you suffer in silence. Because that's not true. Is it an option for you to live that way and live in that space? Yes, of course it is, but why would you want to when you don't have to?

Krystal Jae: 14:42

You see, too often these relationships that are built from people pleasing become broken and that's because one person is giving their best while the other takes. One person is dependent on keeping the other person happy. One person is really out the relationship, but may have a finger in, or let's be real, some people only have their ways down in from time to time. You know what I mean, right? So they can secure the relationship. Don't get stuck in lust. Don't get stuck in lust. Don't get stuck in the feeling of the goodness that sex has on you. Don't get stuck on the sometimey love that you receive the finger or the toe or the waist down. You deserve more than that. In these relationships, there is one person that is usually saying the right words and making the right moves, and then disaster strikes. One person is the caregiver, giving money, time, resources, love, energy, any and everything, while the other is the taker, sometimes doing their part.

Krystal Jae: 16:28

Yeah, see, I don't think the devil liked that little conversation that I was going there really saying how he liked that lust, because didn't you notice how them dolls in the background got to barking and stuff y'all? When I say they're nowhere near me, they're nowhere near me, but I bet if I heard them as loud as they were, I'm pretty sure you did. Look, don't live in lust. When you can have the true love, okay, true love it's yours and let's get back on track, okay. And so, basically, what I'm saying is we are going to leave the people pleasing behind. We're going to stop feeling guilty forever complaining. Right, they say it's complaining, but is it really complaining when you're stating your wants, your needs out of that mutual relationship?

Krystal Jae: 17:39

And again, a relationship. When I say relationship not just with your spouse or your boyfriend, girlfriend or whatever. I'm also speaking about your family, like your sisters, brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandparents, whatever. That relationship, I'm talking about those relationships as well. I'm talking about friendships, friends, associates, co-workers, all of your relationships in general. Okay, I just I always like to clear that up, because when people say, oh well, my marriage is good, but I do have this, well, yes, we're talking about that too, because all of it affects our lives. Okay, all of it affects our lives, okay.

Krystal Jae: 18:40

And so it's time for you to stop being guilt-tripped into keeping your people-pleasing ways and it's time to begin to enjoy being pleasing to people to people Because trust and believe the ones that are truly, truly there for the people pleaser will walk themselves out the door, while the ones who are present for you will congratulate you on your journey, your growth, and you will have a pleasing relationship with each other, with both giving their best in the relationship, showing support, giving guidance, grace and love. Both will be happy in the relationship and struggles will happen, but the difference is is that it's not toxic. Both of you will be secure in the relationship Again friendship, family, marriage. Both communicate trust, forgive, and they give and receive with each other. You both will be giving to each other financially, mentally, spiritually, with time, resources, love and energy, love and energy. So I want you to begin recognizing if you are a people pleaser, and so, to do that, I'm going to ask several questions. So, if you haven't already been taking notes, I want you to really write these questions down so that way you can truly think about them later and determine.

Krystal Jae: 20:36

Are you a people pleaser Right Now? Are you giving yourself everything? Wait, I said that wrong. Are you giving everything and giving yourself nothing? Okay, so I'm saying that one more time. Are you giving everything, everything to everybody else, but you're doing nothing for yourself? Okay, are you feeling guilty for everything that you do that is for you? Is your excuse always that you have to do something for someone else, that you have to do something for someone else?

Krystal Jae: 21:42

No-transcript, what have you did for yourself? Have you bought yourself one thing and not feel guilty? Because when I was really in the people pleasing state, y'all, I could even buy a pack of gum and I'll be like dang, like dang. I could have saved that $3 and it could have went towards this for this person or whatever I was like. I felt guilty for any and everything. Oh, yeah, I bought a bottle of water. Oh, my gosh, I'm down. Like I could have really saved that money, because if I saved that money, I would have been able to do this for this person.

Krystal Jae: 22:28

Oh, my shoes are raggedy. I need a new pair. Well, you know what I can stick it out, you know. I mean like they don't have holes in them. They might be a little uncomfortable, but they don't got holes in them, so I can go ahead and still just struggle with these because I need to go do this for this person. Yeah, is that you?

Krystal Jae: 22:50

And so I want to know if you, if you relate to this episode, I want you to pause me real quick and leave a review. But you got to come back, though. We got we are more action steps. Okay, you already know I believe in taking action, implementing right. This is overcoming suffering and silence right, and with that, you got to take action to get on your empowered transformational healing journey. You got to take action, your empowered, transformational healing journey. You got to take action To have the courage to change your path and live the life that you really want. You have to take action and for me to continue to bring you things and making sure I'm giving you action steps and I'm informing you and I'm giving you real life stories, right, because this is about not living in the pain, in the agony, in the moments of silent tears anymore. It's about knowing who you are, embracing that, finding your purpose and tackling your goals, your dreams, the life that you envision, and so for me to know that I am giving you what you need and more. That's how I learned Through the review and, of course, I already tell y'all Come talk to me on the socials. If you're on the email list, reply to the email, I'll get it, okay. So I hope you done left that review. Now let's get back to it, because you're now taking notes, right, and if you're driving and you can't take notes right now, make sure you hit that download button and you download this episode, because here's the action step for today.

Krystal Jae: 25:02

Are you ready? So today, I want you to make the decision to be pleasing to yourself. You are going to begin being pleasing to people, and the first person is yourself. So are you ready? What is the one thing that you have been putting off for yourself so you can take care of others? Is it a vacation, like a cruise, I don't know, going to Jamaica, costa Maya? Is it growing your savings, getting a new job, moving, just being happy in general?

Krystal Jae: 26:02

Is it healing from past relationships, from betrayals, being cheated on, being mistreated, talked down to by parents, relatives or friends, being told that you would not make nothing of yourself, being told that you are dumb and useless and that no one would ever want you or the almighty. They are the only one who could love you, and you will not find someone else who will do for you the way that they do for you. All I got to say is that's not true. I really want to say another word, but I'm not going to do it Now. Are you putting off your sanity? Are you sacrificing your mental health, physical health, sexual health? Have you been wanting to learn who you are? Gain yourself back, become the person that you are meant to be. But now I'm saying like no To that in order to please other people.

Krystal Jae: 27:33

Today you are saying yes. We're going to say it again. Today you are saying yes. Yes to that vacation, yes to growing your savings, yes to getting a new job, yes to that vacation, yes to growing your savings, yes to getting a new job, yes to moving, yes to being happy, yes to being secure, yes to healing from past relationships, yes to overcome that betrayal, yes to overcome being cheated on. Yes to overcome and being mistreated. You are going to be an overcomer. You are not the things that have been holding you back, limiting you. You are, not your trauma.

Krystal Jae: 28:21

And so now you are saying yes to heal, to start your empowered, transformational healing journey. You're saying yes to being that caterpillar going into the cocoon and emerging as that beautiful butterfly. You're saying yes to your sanity. You're saying yes to being mentally, physically, sexually and spiritually healthy. You are saying yes to knowing who you are. You're saying yes to embracing who you are. You're saying yes to living as the person that you envision yourself to be. You are saying yes to living in your purpose.

Krystal Jae: 29:18

So, again, what are you saying yes to today? And let me know Again. Let me know because I love hearing from y'all. And you can do this again by going to the newest Empowered, transformational Healing Community Overcome Suffering and Silence on Facebook. All you got to do is type in overcome suffering and silence and the groups will pop up and boom. It'll be there. That simple. Let me know. What are you saying yes to? Is it yes to that vacation? Yes to getting a new job? Yes to getting a new job, yes to gaining clarity, yes to discovering who you are, yes to healing, yes to yourself.

Krystal Jae: 30:29

I want to know and remember this is your time to overcome suffering and silence, to stop people pleasing to create a better life. It's your time to find the courage to change your path and live your life your life that is true to you. Are you ready? Do you want guidance? It's simple Reserve your coaching session with me. Reserve your coaching session with me. Crystal J, the empowerment goddess. Just go to crystaljcom book slash online and the link will be in the show notes. Remember it's Crystal with a K K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom, and I'm looking forward to our session. It is time for you to experience empowered, transformational healing. See y'all in a few short days.