Ep. 37.Struggling with Unworthiness? 5 Steps to Building Your Self-worth as You Find Who You Are.

Do you often find yourself saying "yes" to everyone around you, only to feel the weight of your own needs being neglected? 

Together, we'll navigate the emotional struggle of people-pleasing and self-isolation, driven by the fear of judgment and rejection. 

Join me as we unravel the tangled web of suffering in silence, despite having potential sources of support. 

We'll explore how negative thoughts and a sense of unworthiness can overpower your mindset, leaving you trapped in a cycle of anxiety and self-doubt. 

It's time to uncover practical steps to calm your overactive sympathetic nervous system, helping you affirm your worthiness of love and respect.

In our transformative conversation, we guide you through a powerful exercise designed to unlock your inherent value and break free from limiting beliefs. 

By crafting two lists—one for your present self and another for your aspirational self—you're invited to embark on an honest reflection of your current state and the path toward personal growth. 

Understand the roots of your self-perceptions, challenge those nagging doubts, and set the course to become the best version of yourself. 

This is more than a journey of self-discovery; it’s a call to embrace self-worth and empowerment, especially for those feeling stuck, lonely, or misunderstood. Let’s take the first step together.

Chapters

• 0:00 Embrace Worthiness and Self-Love
• 16:05 Discovering Self-Worth and Transformation

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:00

For the longest, I lived in a small five by five box At least that's what it felt like. I was shy and you can definitely say that I was introverted. My actions that I lived by were yes actions, because it was always a yes for everyone in my life, no matter if they were friends, family associates, church members, co-workers, heck, even strangers. All my actions were yes actions. I wanted to please everyone. I wanted to be the person that everyone could and will count on, like it was my purpose that everyone had me to count on. Now, why was that? Because I didn't always feel like I had someone to count on, so I fixed that by making sure that everyone could count on me and it was yes, even when I should have been saying no. I didn't choose myself ever, and when I did, I felt horrible. I felt myself, and that is horrible, because we shouldn't feel guilt or shame for saying yes to ourselves. And really, while I was believing that I had no one to count on, honestly there were times that I did have people. But you know, in my mind at that time I didn't believe that and I didn't want to believe that, because it hurts when you go to someone and you find out that they're not there for you. So then it's easier to say in your mind, no, I don't have anyone. It's easier to believe that and to keep it inside.

Speaker 1: 2:51

It was easier to make excuses to why I couldn't go to other people, like I couldn't talk to, like I would tell myself I couldn't talk to my sister about certain things because she's 10 years younger than me and haven't been through all the things that I've been through. I couldn't talk to my mom because we have not always been close, so I didn't know what version of her I would get. I would tell myself that. Yet I would tell myself that I couldn't talk to my grandmother because she would always say it will work out, being positive. But I didn't want to hear that either because it was unbelievable and I really didn't want to go to her because I didn't want to let her down. I couldn't talk to my aunt because she would be like it'll be okay, followed by encouraging words that in the depths of me there was no way I could believe. I couldn't talk to my husband because he wouldn't understand. Plus, did he really love me? What if I said something that would make him leave me? It was always I couldn't talk to this person or to that person because I will be judged, is basically what I was saying over and over and over again, whether or not it was true. I wasn't giving people the opportunity to be present for me most of the time Because I knew how it felt to be misunderstood. I knew how it felt to hear it will be okay when it was not believable.

Speaker 1: 5:01

At that time I knew the people around me were going through their own struggles, through their own stuff, and I couldn't be a burden by sharing all the thoughts and feelings and negativities that was going on in my life or in my head. So again, fear, anxiousness, sadness, pain took over my decisions and, ultimately, my life. Did I know that then? No, I didn't, but I do now.

Speaker 1: 5:44

I was also saying to myself subconsciously that I was scared to let someone down or I wanted to basically live up to everyone's expectations, and I was trying to figure out how I could do that. I only existed to take care of others is what I told myself. But guess what? No one told me these things. No one told me Crystal, I need you to take care of me or I rely on you to always be there for me. No one put that burden on me, but it was what my mind did for protection, because I would constantly tell myself that no one will ever understand you, even though there were times that I was sharing my situations or sharing my traumas or what happened to me. And I did receive the oh, it'll be okay, or, oh, get over it, or, you know, the let's pray. And even though that's a good thing, sometimes we can't receive it because we're in so much pain, sadness, depression, overwhelmed and confused To climb inside ourselves and hide the suffering that we're really feeling. So then we get used to suffering in silence, living with a mask on, and it sucks and it hurts, and we know we don't want to live there. But what are we to do? We don't have no guidance, so we stay stuck In pain, sometimes lashing out Out of fear, anxiousness, loneliness, anxiousness, loneliness, and we end up not really loving who we are.

Speaker 1: 9:22

So have you ever told yourself that you deserve all the things happening to you because you are not worthy of love? How about? You have not always made the best decisions and your past actions have hurt people. And now, girlfriend, karma has showed up in your life, or you have never really felt like you truly belong in your family, your friend groups or life in general. You have always felt like an outsider. One may even say I am the black sheep, not only in my family, but in life. Yeah, I know, because I've been there.

Speaker 1: 10:37

You then look back at your life and say I have had people support me, but there are times where I felt like I had no support whatsoever. What's wrong with me? Am I unappreciative? Am I horrible? Why? Why am I having negative thoughts when I can uplift? Am I the problem? No, you are not a problem. Your thoughts, beliefs, fears, anxiousness, depression, sadness, loneliness, low confidence and your sense of unworthiness has taken over. Your mind is wired for negativity and pain, with your alert system staying in hyperdrive. That's what's going on. So let's tell your sympathetic nervous system to calm down. Stop ranking the alarm. We can do that, you know, and we can do it together. Matter of fact, we will do it together because you are worthy of love, respect and grace.

Speaker 1: 12:38

It is time for you to take action, to saying yes, I am worthy, for you to take action to saying yes, I am worthy, embrace worthiness, accept worthiness and believe that you are worthy, once, now and for all. As you know, I am Crystal J, the Empowerment Goddess You're. Who am I expert in somatic, trauma-informed life coach, trauma Informed Life Coach who empowers individuals like you to know who they are, to know that they are worthy of success, love, healthy and real relationships and, honestly, I help them find self-love, self-worth and self-respect, amongst other things. And I want you to know that you have a power within you to transform your own life the way that you envision it. The way that you envision it, you will wake up with peace, joy and love. You will know your purpose. You will leave your house and enjoy life. You will have real friendships, joy, life. You will have real friendships. You will have a partner who loves you as much as you love them. You will feel connected with your family and break the toxic cycles. You will be proud of who you are. By knowing who you are, by knowing your abilities, by knowing your confidence While giving yourself grace, you will have the coping skills and mechanisms that you need to control the your life without fear taking over it over and over and over again again. This is a change, a transformation that will last a lifetime, because you will be equipped with the tools necessary to take action and be in control. So say yes to me being your guide, your mentor, your who am I expert.

Speaker 1: 16:05

Go to crystaljcom forward slash book dash online to schedule your one-on-one coaching session. That is k-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom forward slash book dash online and if you are ready to be all in, you're like I'm tired of the BS. I'm tired of the loneliness. I'm tired living with anxiousness. I'm tired living in this sadness. I'm tired of being confused. I'm tired of being manipulated. I'm tired of not having good relationships and going in these toxic cycles. I am tired and I don't have nothing else left and I wish I had someone, but no one understands this and I don't know what else there is to do.

Speaker 1: 17:14

Then it's time for you to say yes to the six-month all-in transformational who Am I program. Become your best self, know who you are, know who you are, have success in your relationships, your career and your personal life, without the limitations from the trauma that you have been through, because it's constantly taking over your life, and you no longer have to live that way. So you're saying yes To you. You're going from that Unwantedness To being unstoppable. So again, crystaljaycom Forward slash Book Dash slash book dash online Worthy. What does worthy mean to you, because to me it means being valuable, being enough, right. Is that fair to say? The dictionary version is having worth or value, honorable.

Speaker 1: 18:46

Some of the synonyms you can say would be admirable, decent, deserving, desirable, excellent, deserving, desirable, excellent. Would you use any of those words to describe yourself? I bet that there is someone actually there may even be several people in your life that will and do use those words to describe you. They may say it to you, or they may not, but they say it to others, and they even say it to themselves about you, and I know you don't believe it, but we're going to work on that. Okay it, but we're going to work on that. Okay, because even though they may say to you oh, my gosh, you are so awesome, for a moment you may be like dang, I am awesome, like that really feels good, thank you for saying that. But then, immediately after that, you're like nah, no, I'm not.

Speaker 1: 20:01

Because that quick your self-doubt and your feelings of unworthiness crept into your mind, telling you yeah, right, you're not deserving, you're not desired, you're not desired. They are just saying that because I'm right here, but really they don't love me, they don't really feel that way, but I wish they did. Do you have that conversation with yourself? Because I have, and so I want you to do me a favor real quick, and I want you to right now, at this deserving, desirable, excellent, because that person may not believe that they are. And then, if you know someone who is hard on themselves, I want you to send this episode to them at this moment. Go ahead, do it. I'll be right here, all right, so get ready to write. Are you ready? I hope you are Now.

Speaker 1: 21:50

Do you have your pen and paper or the notes section open on your phone that describe who you are? I want you to leave out the words and synonyms and all the other stuff that go with the mom, dad, parent, sister, sibling, brother, best friend, partner, wife. I want you to leave all of those out. Okay, I want you to use the words like worthy, decent, loving, god-fearing, supportive, understanding, or however you might see yourself, and you may be even being saying like Crystal, like that's a little too positive. I don't know what you want, but I ain't there't there yet, and that's fine. I want you to use the words that you describe yourself with right now.

Speaker 1: 22:46

When I was at this point, I would use words like lonely, confused, loved, and in parentheses I'll put well, kind of Like. I would definitely do that. That was stuff I would do Misunderstood what else would I say? Sad, I'm content Figuring it out that I'm caring, that I'm a caretaker, that I'm a lover. You know, that was my. That was like. Those are some words that are examples of the list that I would create when I was in that space.

Speaker 1: 23:26

So write your 10 words down, okay. And if that's your list, what I just said, if you feel similar to that, that's okay. I want you to just be honest with yourself. This is why we're doing this, right. If you feel similar to that, that's okay. I want you to just be honest with yourself. This is why we're doing this, right. We're working on becoming our best. You're working on becoming your best self, okay.

Speaker 1: 23:47

Then, after you finish those 10 words, I want you to write another list and I want you to have 10 words, at least 10 words, using words to describe who you want to be or what you would like to be described as. And if you don't know, I want you to think of someone that you admire, that you find worthy. What words would you use to describe them, but not only. What words would you use to describe them? I want you to really take a moment and reflect. Do you silently wish that people would describe you using those same words? And once that is done, I want you to write why you use the first set of words. Okay, write down the why.

Speaker 1: 24:52

Then I want you to write down what do you think needs to happen in your life for you to become the second set of words? Okay, and I know you may be saying, crystal, if I knew how to become those words, I would already be doing that and I wouldn't be listening to this. And I understand that. But sometimes we know the actions that we need to take, or we have an idea of the actions we need to take, but we're just not sure if we can or if we should take them, because we're letting fear, anxiousness, pain, judgment all of that take over. Okay, so I just want you to trust the process. Okay, so I just want you to trust the process. And if trust is too hard of a word right now which is fine then I want to say to you I want you to take the action steps.

Speaker 1: 26:02

Okay, because you see we can sit. No, no, no, let's change that. You see, we can sit. No, no, no, let's change that. You can sit in your belief of unworthiness for a lifetime and continue to live life and satisfied with just a brief moment of happiness, just to return to the deep darkness that you were really residing in. Okay, or you can wake up every morning putting on the mask, acting like everything is fine, telling everyone that you're okay or yeah, I'm good when you're not, or and this is the one that I hope you choose, and this is the one that I hope you choose you can wake up with peace, knowing happiness, joy, having clarity and experiencing growth, elevation, moving forward towards your best life. But only you can make the transformation from unworthiness to knowing that you are worthy. I can guide you, but ultimately it's up for you to embrace it.

Speaker 1: 27:21

Now. Do you want to go deeper on finding your worth, on finding your work? Reserve your personal one-on-one coaching session at wwwcrystaljcom and that's wwwcrystaljcom. Go to book online and if you're ready for a full transformation, then join the who Am I six-month program, where you will receive empowerment and guidance on your empowered, transformational healing journey. Receive coping skills, coping mechanisms and tools that last a lifetime, because no one can take away what you will learn in this program.

Speaker 1: 28:10

Break free from the limitations that trauma left in your life, like the fears, the anxiousness, the self-doubt and that sense of unworthiness. Build confidence, self-love, clarity, understanding. Build self-love, clarity, understanding. Build self-respect. Add healthy boundaries, add healthy communication. Develop your healthy support system so you can enhance your life for the better. So stop suffering in silence because you're going to be going from feeling unwanted to being unstoppable. Instead of wishing that you had someone to go to or someone to be a guide or a mentor, instead of just wishing it, go to wwwcrystaljcom. Move over to the book online tab wwwcrystaljcom. Move over to the book online tab and accept me as your guide, your life coach, your who am I expert, because I'm looking forward to you seeing yourself on the other side. I love that the most because I love being able to show my clients videos and work that they've done when we first started and we're progressing, and then, when they get to the end, showing them where it was and the progress. Oh my gosh, it's amazing and I'm looking forward to you seeing yours.

Speaker 1: 29:51

So get out the storm, because you don't have to live in it. You don't have to live in that toxic cycle, that storm of pain. Stop living your life in the eye of the tornado, because when you live your life in the eye of the tornado, you are just experiencing brief moments of happiness, knowing that the back half of the storm is going to come and tear your life apart again and again and again. It's time for you to land on solid ground, to have, you know, pretty skies right. It's time for you to know your purpose, to get that promotion, to start the nonprofit, to have healthy and successful relationships. Find a life partner that is ready to love you as much as you love them, who love you as much as you love them. If I have a healthy partnership without the toxicity and drama, a partnership where you both can communicate, elevate and succeed.

Speaker 1: 30:58

Look forward to the activities in your day. Go on vacation. One of my favorite things is smiling a real smile, because there's a difference that fake one may be good, but smiling a real smile. Man is everything, and you'll be able to see that even in yourself, and the people around you will see that as well. So remember you do not have to be alone and you don't have to do this alone.

Speaker 1: 31:30

There is true help available. You just have to take the first step and sign up for the one-on-one session or the program. Once you are in, I got you you will have me to take the next steps with you, guiding you on your empowered, transformational healing journey. So leave a review and say yes to your best life, your purpose and your clarity by taking action at this time, reserve the best option for you Join the program. Don't be stuck in the same rotation six months from now. And if you want a test drive of what the coaching sessions is like, book the one-on-one individual session Again, crystaljcom, and then go over to book online K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom. Go to the tab book online. Thank you for listening to. Overcome, suffering in Silence with Crystal J me, hey and take action today. Get ready for the next episode. And, as always, I want you to remember that you have a power inside you that is greater than any obstacle. You just need the knowledge and wisdom to activate it. So let's do it.