Ep. 40 Healing the Heart: Why Trauma (anxiousness, overwhelm, stuck) Doesn’t Define You

What if the trauma you've experienced no longer had the power to define you? Join Krystal Jae, The Empowerment Goddess, and Your Somatic Trauma Informed Coach, as we embark on a transformative journey of healing and self-discovery. We'll explore how to transition from feeling overwhelmed and numb to finding peace and clarity. Discover concepts like the Traffic Lights of Intolerance that help you recognize safety and embrace your authentic self while breaking free from the shackles of self-doubt and shame. With Krystal Jae's compassionate guidance, learn three actionable tools to recalibrate your nervous system and start living a life of worth and confidence.

We'll also equip you with invaluable resources for managing anxiety and fostering personal growth. Experience the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1 grounding exercise, a simple yet effective method to center yourself in moments of stress. Reimagine your personal narrative and envision the life you aspire to lead by stepping out of survival mode and into intentional growth. Finally, dive into the "Breakthrough to Authenticity" program—a six-month journey designed to help you overcome barriers and uncover your true self. With accessible financing options, this transformative experience promises to elevate your life to new heights of purpose and joy. Don't miss out on reclaiming control and crafting the life you truly desire.

Chapters

• 0:02 Healing Trauma and Overcoming Limitations
• 12:52 Creating Tools for Emotional Wellness
• 29:21 Breaking Through to Authenticity Program

Transcript

Krystal Jae: 0:02

Hey, hey, it's me, Krystal Jae, the Empowerment Goddess, and your Somatic Trauma Informed Coach. Now, today, we are going to be talking about healing the heart and why trauma doesn't define you, and so one thing I want you to remember today is this quote: your trauma doesn't define you. Your courage to heal does Okay because you have that power in you to heal, and I'm going to give you more resources and more tools on your journey. You see, I've worked with countless individuals who believed that their trauma was the end of their story, and it's not what I mean by trauma being the end of your story. I want to tell you this it means that trauma is literally that, not the end of your story. Trauma leaves behind these limitations, these barriers. It's that anxiousness, the overwhelm, the feeling of being stuck, confused, and wanting more in your life and not knowing how to get it. It's the I don't even know who I am realization, and once you reach that moment, it is up to you to decide if you're going to stay in limbo or if you're going to take action. That trauma, nor its limitations, its barriers, its overwhelm can hold you hostage any longer. Yes, this is a process. Healing is a process, but guess what you can do it. I know this because I've been there. I've been where you are, and my own healing journey my empowered, transformational healing journey inspired me to help others, to help you break free from the limitations that trauma can impose and step into your authentic self. It is time for you to unpack the science behind trauma and three actionable tools to start your healing journey. Okay, I'm going to empower you so your healing journey can be transformational. Are you ready? You see? More importantly, I'm going to share these three again, three actionable tools, and by the end of this episode, you'll see that your story is far from over. In fact, it's just the beginning. So I want you to take time right now to share this episode with a friend, a family member, a co-worker, someone who already you're like man that reminds me of such and such. Share this with this, with that person now. In fact, take a moment to download this, because when I say, you're going to want to remember these tools and write them down, if you're not in the place to be able to write right now, you're going to want to do that. And if you can write right now, go get a pen and paper and then start this episode. Hey, hey, welcome.

Krystal Jae: 4:39

To Overcome Suffering in Silence, it's time for you to stop people pleasing and create your better life. I am , the Empowerment Goddess and your Somatic, trauma-informed Life Coach. This season has already started in a way I couldn't even imagine. Now, are you ready for some realness, raw healing and a glimpse into what it feels like to walk in peace? Healing and a glimpse into what it feels like to walk in peace, clarity and purpose, while truly knowing who you are? If your answer is yes, then you've come to the right place.

Krystal Jae: 5:11

For the past two decades, I've been blessed to share my journey with countless women and a few men, empowering them to overcome the lingering shadows of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. Lingering shadows of physical, emotional, psychological and sexual abuse. Together, we confront the limitations that hold us back, like self-doubt, guilt, fear, shame and that pervasive sense of unworthiness. Dig deep to uncover the root of these feelings. Break free from the inner pain of suffering and silence. Find faith, grow in that faith and embrace the life that is meant for you. Enjoy the real stories and practical advice, life-enhancing skills and spiritual wisdom to guide you from pain to purpose, self-doubt to confidence and confusion to clarity. So let's leave the struggle bus behind and embark on this journey to discover the freedom, beauty and strength that lies within you. Remember you are not alone and you are enough. When times get tough, pray, listen and follow through, because God loves you, and trust me when I say he is not your trauma. Welcome to Overcome Suffering in Silence with .

Krystal Jae: 6:32

You see, trauma changes how we respond to the world, to our community, to our the people in our homes, our family, to ourselves. It affects our brain and our nervous system. It keeps us in a state of hyper alertness or, on the other hand, just feeling completely numb. Have you ever felt completely numb? Is that where you're at now? This isn't your fault. It's your body trying to protect you. But here's the good news Trauma changes your reactions, not your identity. I'm going to say that again Trauma changes your reactions, not your identity. Get it out, crystal, your identity. Get it out, crystal, now, who you are, at your core, inside the person that you're like man. I really wish I could. You can, because it's still there, it's intact. So I want you to think of your nervous system like a smoke detector and after trauma, it's overly sensitive and it's going off even when there's no real fire. Now our goal is to recalibrate it, to help your body recognize that it's safe and what safety feels like. Trauma changes how we react, but it doesn't change who we are.

Krystal Jae: 8:12

So today we're going to talk about the traffic lights of intolerance. You may or may not have heard about it. I've spoken about it before briefly, right, and so in my Breakthrough to Authenticity program, we really go really deep into it and there's exercises around it and everything else. So today we're just going to go and we're going to touch on it surface level, okay. So the Traffic Lights of Intolerance it helps to explain how our nervous system reacts to stress and trauma. Okay, and here is how it works.

Krystal Jae: 8:49

On a light level, I want you to think of the traffic lights when you're going to the store or you're running errands or you're going to work, whatever else. We have the green, yellow, red, okay. And so what I want you to think of is the green light, right, the stoplight. The green light means go, accelerate, right. We like that, we love the green light, right. And so with green light, we are calm, we are engaged. That's our safe zone. That's our safe zone. You will feel calm, present and open to communicating and connecting with others. When you're in the green light, the safety zone, you can think clearly, you can solve problems and you can enjoy life.

Krystal Jae: 9:43

The yellow light is caution, just like when we are driving down and the light goes from green to yellow. We know we're supposed to slow down and sometimes we slow down and sometimes it's been on how close we are to the yellow light we might speed up a little bit. Look, we just being honest here. Okay, it means caution, hypervigilance, ooh, let's say that word again hypervigilance. That's our fight or flight. What are we going to do?

Krystal Jae: 10:10

Your heart races, you feel anxious, restless, and you may feel a little bit irritable. You may overthink situations or feel like you need to control everything. Now that red light that's at the stoplight when it turns red, we stopped half the time. We're like, oh my gosh, this light is lasting forever, it needs to hurry up. And we're stuck. We're just there, right, we can't move, we can't do anything because the red light, we run the red light, we're getting a ticket. So a red light is your shutdown, it's the freeze. You feel numb, you feel disconnected, you done checked out, it's hard to focus and everything feels overwhelming or everything feels hopeless.

Krystal Jae: 11:00

Now, how this may present or look like in your life is your green light you're engaged in a conversation and you feel heard and understood, and you're laughing and you're just having a good old time. The yellow light you're like man whatever. You're overreacting to little bitty mistakes and you're feeling like it's the end of the world or close to it. You feel stopped. Now that red light you're not going nowhere, you're not doing anything, you ain't got time for nobody, you don't even want to deal with your own stuff. You cancel plans because even the simple things feel impossible. That is how our nervous system works.

Krystal Jae: 11:50

So now what I want to give you is three tools, three actionable, proven tools that work, that will help you to begin your journey to healing, to heal your heart, to overcome the limitations, overcome the barriers of trauma, to where you can have your breakthrough, to authenticity. And I know these work because I myself use these, my clients use these. And now it's time for you to learn them and implement them. And if you haven't shared this episode yet, share this with someone. I know you had a aha moment or an oh or oh, yeah, I'd be in that. Or today I'm in a green light, but the other day I was definitely a yellow right. So share this so we can empower not just ourselves but the ones around.

Krystal Jae: 12:52

Okay Now, are you ready? Do you have your pen? Do you have your paper? Are you taking notes on your phone? Have you downloaded this episode for later? Because here comes the tools. Okay, because you know me, I believe in giving you tools for your tool back. You ready? All right? So tool number one is a grounding exercise. I've used it for myself, I used it for others. I've used it while I was in sessions with my clients. I've used it with my children. I've used it with my nephew. I've used it with my nephew.

Krystal Jae: 13:34

People don't have to know that you're grounding them, because sometimes their mind just takes over and they don't realize that they're maybe having an anxious moment and that their body is just being overactive. Parent, this can be to them. They may see it as like a game, but you're kind of helping them regulate and calm down. I like to use it when I feel like my mind is starting to go all over the place and I'm a multitasker, but sometimes I'm just multitasking too much and I just can't. Or it's good for when you're going to bed. But here we go Now.

Krystal Jae: 14:14

This one, as you see, is for when we feel overwhelmed. Grounding brings us back to the present. It will help calm us, and this simple exercise is the 5, 4, 3, 2, 1. I don't know how I did that, but whatever, if you watched the video, you can be like what was she doing with her hand? Because that countdown was man, four, three, two. One technique, okay, I had to look at the camera to make sure I was doing it right, because when I wasn't y'all, my finger was doing its own thing. Okay, but what it is is it's five things that you can see. What is five things when you look around that you can see? What's four things that you can touch, three things that you can hear, two things that you can smell, and one thing that you can smell and one thing that you can taste. Now, this shifts your focus from chaos to calm, reminding your nervous system that you are safe.

Krystal Jae: 15:48

Tool two Now I hope you're writing these down or you saved this so you can use these tools for your tool bag. Tool two is rewriting your story. You see, trauma can make us feel stuck. Right, we can be stuck in a chapter of our life. We can be stuck in an area of pain, an area of shame, an area of doubt, but you have the power to write the next chapter, and we're going to do that with this exercise.

Krystal Jae: 16:27

So get your paper out. What you're going to do is on top of a blank sheet of paper. I want you to write your name Underneath it. I want you to describe the life that you want. What does healing look like? What does not being in pain look like? What does not being feeling shamed look like? What does happiness look like? What does a healthy you look like? What does a calm you look like? What do you want to feel every day?

Krystal Jae: 17:02

So it's not just your goals or the things you want to accomplish. It's everything you want to refresh. You want to go your room at night and lay down without your mind running crazy. You want to boundaries. You want to tell this person that the way that they speak to you isn't okay. You want to go for that new job. You want to have a open communication with your spouse or your significant other. You want a healthy support system. All of those things. Write them down, okay, and even if it is, oh, I want to go back to school and I want to get my master's degree, I want to get my college degree, or I want to go get my nursing nursing degree. Or I want to start my own business, my own nonprofit, I want to be a leader in my church, whatever it is, write it down.

Krystal Jae: 18:01

The other day, I was actually doing this and, as I was reading a book actually, and I stopped because several different things started coming, things like oh, I want to do this, I want to do this, I want to feel this way, I want to think this way, whatever. And I started writing all those things down and I ended up writing down a hundred things. It didn't take long because it was already just flowing through. So I want you to write all of it down. Whatever's on your mind, write it down. I like to do bullet points and numbers.

Krystal Jae: 18:34

Some people like to write it as a story. Do it the way that feels best for you. Now, this is an act of envisioning. So, even if it feels far away, whatever you're putting down and maybe you want to have some things that are like oh, that's easy. Other things you're going to be like how am I going to get there? Write it all down, because what this is, this is an act of envisioning. This is the first step to making those things on the paper real. Okay, it's about reclaiming the pen of your life and writing a story that serves you. Now. Tool three Are you ready? Now? Tool three Are you ready? Tool three is embrace intentional growth. Now, I want you to remember this Growth doesn't happen by accident.

Krystal Jae: 19:25

It is a decision you make every day to step out of survival and into possibility. You are deciding to choose your strengths, to learn your strengths, discover your authenticity, unlock the potential of your life, and then say yes, I'm going to do this. You are saying yes to elevating your life, the life that you want to live for you. So, embracing intentional growth means that you're taking deliberate steps to heal and evolve. It's about moving beyond reactive patterns. Let's be honest, we have reactive patterns, okay, even I have them. It's about choosing actions aligned with your goals, your values and your purpose, and often trauma keeps us stuck in survival mode, reacting to life rather than creating it, and intentional growth shifts this mindset. Now, this isn't about perfection. Okay, let's get that clear. It's not about perfection, it's about progress. Y'all, I'm telling you so.

Krystal Jae: 20:49

I've been in my house for some years now, and finally we had some neighbors move in behind us. Our dogs they're inside, outside dogs. They only go outside to use the bathroom. They may play a little bit. Then they come back in the house, right, they're not outside long at all. In our neighborhood, every house around us has dogs. Well, we end up getting these backyard neighbors they have a dog too, but they have a little bitty dog that comes out and goes straight back in the house Like it don't play or nothing outside. They don't have friends with it. And so these neighbors moved in. They started calling the police on all of their surrounding neighbors. So for a while there we were all getting visits from police officers several times a week. And so then we got to the point to where, like from for our house I can only speak on what happened with us, right, with our house they was like oh, they're not feeding the dogs, they're not doing whatever. Our dogs eat inside. So animal control was like hey, can we come over and look whatever else could, just fibbing. And so I guess they thought that was going to be a way to get the dogs taken away. I don't know what they were thinking, honestly, because they had already gotten into it with our other neighbors. Like they're yelling across the fence line, everything else, like it was a big thing. And they come, everything gets cleared. They're like, oh no, your dog is healthy, like the animal control officer was able to play with our dogs. All that like whatever.

Krystal Jae: 22:17

So one day I come in, my husband come in and the kids had gotten home before us so they had left the dogs out and so the dogs had probably been out like 45 minutes. I come in, I go straight to the back door to let the dogs in the house. Well, the husband yells and he calls me out, my name, and so, being the person that I was then and we ended up getting into this huge thing, like we're literally getting into it because one, you're not going to call me out my name and I'm trying to let my dogs in, I'm just getting home and you want to go left for what? So yeah, but this time please call all that kind of stuff, please go and talk to them. After that we didn't have no issues for a very long time, and so they called one time after that, like months later, and then after that they went silent again Two days ago they went silent again Two nights. Two days ago it was snowing, and I'm in central Texas and so we don't really get snow that often. Right, texas shows down whatever, so it's cold. Kids, let the dogs out.

Krystal Jae: 23:24

I'm upstairs here in the office and I hear the dogs start barking. I was like somebody's outside, let me go downstairs and let them in. But I was like literally in the middle of a brain dump so I couldn't move. As soon as I get done with this, I'm going to do it. Tell me why they call the police, whatever Police come. It was like, hey, it's officer such and such, you know the drill. And we was like, yeah, they already inside. And they were like, okay, cool, left.

Krystal Jae: 23:56

Well, instead of me wanting to go off, I just want to like sprinkle some holy oil over the fence line and just pray for them. Y'all, I've added them to my prayer corner. So you know war room and they have like the prayer closet. Right, I have a prayer corner in my office. I literally have my list of a hundred that I was just talking about. On it. I have prayers from other people on it that they've asked me to pray about. All of my prayer things is on that wall and so, yeah, so now they're on that wall too, because why? Why, they don't stay out. You know, come on, it's super cold outside. The dogs wasn't even out 20 minutes. They were literally let out so they can go use the bathroom. So, yeah, that was a thing. But that's the part of saying it's not about perfection, it's about progress, because I made progress in that situation. That's one example. You know, I didn't go off. Instead of me going off, I wanted to pray for them. I didn't let them get me out of character.

Krystal Jae: 24:54

When it comes to embracing intentional growth, I want to give you three things. I want to break this third tool down into three other steps. Okay, you ready. So the first one is I want you to use the first tool, which is the grounding exercise. I want you to use that when you need to Put it in your tool bag, put it in your pocket, put it in your purse, put it in your backpack, whatever it is, have it, use it, because now you know it, you use it. It's going to be something that you don't have to be like oh, what was the steps? Again, because you know it and they cannot be taken away from you. That's the point of having these tools that I give. So use that grounding exercise when you need to, for yourself, for others. You have that tool. Use it, okay.

Krystal Jae: 25:53

Two of the embracing intentional growth I want you to build a healing plan from the story or from the list that you just created in step two. Whatever you just began rewriting for yourself, I want you to set clear intentions for Start small and work your way up to the bigger things. A good thing to start with is self-compassion showing yourself grace. That's a good place to start. And if you need help building a healing plan, how to take this list and take it into actionable steps along with tools, then you can also just book a one-on-one session so we can create a healing plan. You can do that too. You just go to my website, wwwkrystaljaecom, go to the individuals one-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom, go to the individuals one-on-one and schedule your section. So then the third one. Are you ready for the third one? This is the third of embracing intentional growth.

Krystal Jae: 27:05

Learn from your challenges. What did I just say? Learn from your challenges, see them as lessons and come up with a plan to elevate, and at any time you can refine your approach. You may hear me say all the time, I've been through some mess, but at the end of the day, I don't regret things. I see them as lessons to learn from, because if I didn't experience them, then I wouldn't know how to be better or how to protect myself or what lessons I should teach my children. So I want you to learn from your challenges. See them as lessons, make an action plan and you can grow from that. Okay Now, the science behind all of this is that it's supported by neuroplasticity, right, the brain's ability to rewire itself.

Krystal Jae: 28:00

And when you choose a growth-oriented behavior or behaviors consistently, your brain creates new pathways, making these positive patterns easier for you to repeat over and over and over and, over and over and over again. This rewiring shifts you from that survival mode, that stuckness, from living in the red. You're now able to live in the green. You're now able to live in the green. And so it's all about helping you to thrive, helping you to live an elevated life, helping you to find success with fulfillment. It's empowering you to live with purpose and authenticity. And if there's one thing I want you to remember, it's this you are not alone. You are on an empowered, transformational healing journey now, especially if you stick to me, stick with me. You're on this journey to authenticity, to purpose, to healing, to wholeness. Healing isn't about erasing what happened. It's about learning to live fully again.

Krystal Jae: 29:21

Now, if today's episode resonated with you, I'd love to invite you to my six-month program, breakthrough to Authenticity. I have a few openings for January. I have a limited time offer and if you're worried about oh my gosh, this would probably be great for me, but I'm not sure, or I can't afford it, then guess what? There's financing. If you are all in for you, where there's a will, there's a way and yes, I know it's harder. It's easier said than done.

Krystal Jae: 30:00

But go to wwwcrystaljcom. Forward, slash breakthrough and you can learn so much about this Breakthrough to Authenticity program. It has so much information on that page for you to learn, for you to see. It gives you a sneak peek into what content is in the program, what you will be learning, Because you see, this program is designed and it's proven to work. There's a method and it's to help you overcome barriers, discover your authentic self and elevate your life to new levels of purpose and joy. Of course, it's for you, it's for one of your loved ones, it's for a friend, it's for a co-worker. So take time to go check it out, enroll and let's get you started on breaking through to authenticity Again. That's wwwcrystaljcom forward slash breakthrough. That's K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-Ecom forward slash breakthrough.

Krystal Jae: 31:21

Also, if you know someone who could benefit from this episode, please share this with them. If you don't know someone directly or you're like, oh, this would be good for this person, but I don't know how they will take it, then guess what A lot of times your people are on your Facebook or on your Instagram or in your family group chat or your friend group chat. Just share it to the group chat, just share it on your page, because healing is powerful, but it's even more powerful when we uplift each other, when we empower each other. This has been Healing the Arts. Why trauma doesn't define you. See you later.