Ep. 44 Overwhelmed by Compassion Fatigue? Use these Strategies to Defeat and Prevent Compassion Fatigue

Imagine a world where you're the pillar of strength, the go-to person for comfort and support, tirelessly giving to others. Yet, beneath the surface, you find yourself running on empty, weighed down by the emotional storms of those you care for. Welcome to the reality of compassion fatigue—a silent storm that affects caregivers, leaders, and heart-centered individuals alike.

In this episode of "Who Am I with Krystal Jae," we delve into the invisible scars of compassion fatigue, where the relentless drive to care for others can overshadow our own well-being. Through the lens of storytelling, we explore the profound impact this emotional storm has on heart-centered servant leaders and their teams.

Join me, Krystal Jae, The Who Am I Expert, The Empowerment Goddess and Somatic Trauma-Informed Coach, as we unravel the complexities of compassion fatigue. We'll journey through the signs and symptoms, from emotional numbness to exhaustion, and discuss practical strategies to regain emotional balance. Discover how setting boundaries, practicing mindfulness, and engaging in creative pursuits can foster resilience and prioritize self-care.

Through my proven Empowered Transformational Healing Framework and the ODE Method, you'll be empowered to release the pain and embrace joy, peace, and clarity. Together, we'll create a ripple effect of well-being and resilience, empowering you to overcome obstacles, discover your authenticity, and elevate your life with success and fulfillment.

Are you ready to embark on this transformative journey? 

Download this episode now, share it with someone who needs to hear it, and join the conversation on social media or through our website.

Let's navigate the emotional storm together, creating a supportive environment where empathy, understanding, and resilience thrive.

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Chapters

• 0:03 Embracing Compassion Fatigue
• 21:41 Supportive Relationships and Active Listening
• 38:02 Spreading the Message

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Have you ever felt like you're constantly giving to others only to find yourself running on empty? Have you ever found yourself getting to a point to where a job that you once loved you're now dreading because you're exhausted because you're exhausted? Or maybe you're showing up at work and you're witnessing that others just seem to really be complaining and they're exhausted from showing up. So welcome to the reality that so many of us face, where the universal need to care for others can sometimes overshadow our own well-being. It's a common experience, not limited to any specific role, title or place in your life, whether you're a caregiver, a professional, a leader. This drive to prioritize others' needs is something we all share. You see, invisible scars from life's challenges often linger within us, affecting our thoughts and emotions. These aren't just scars from personal experiences, but from the emotional weight we carry from also supporting others. You see, this thing called compassion fatigue often is really a secondary trauma for most of us, right, and it manifests as emotional numbness, exhaustion and a reduced sense of being able to show up and a reduced sense of being able to show up, whether we're at home, at work, at church, really in our lives in general. It's a natural consequence of caring deeply for those in can I say distress. You have a strong sense of empathy. A lot of times you experience compassion fatigue when you have a job to where you are caring and you're heavily invested in others' well-being. I've been there. Most of my jobs have been in the heart-centered field okay, let's say that and regular interaction with individuals, especially those experiencing trauma or then left a traumatic experience, or those who may be patients that are in the hospital or whatever it may be. Another way that it shows up is because a lot of times we tend to overly care for everybody else, that we lack the self-care that we need ourselves. We lack the setting of boundaries or putting boundaries in place to protect us, but not only from other people, but from also ourselves. There's times that we have compassion fatigue because we have a lack of support, that's, a support at home, support in our social life, support at work. Have you ever had that exhaustion, that fatigue of overly caring for everybody else and you lack the support where that fatigue originated. And then it can also show up when our own unresolved issues can be triggered by the trauma that we witness in others. So you're probably like what are you talking about?

Speaker 1: 4:15

One thing I'm talking about is, for example, you can sit here and you could be living life and you're empathetic person and you're compassionate and you love doing for other people, right? But in the process of you doing for other people, you're like well, this person needs this situation taken care of. So let me go ahead and help them take care of this situation. And even though I needed to do X Y Z I will do X Y Z later, I can figure it out, but right now this person needs this, so let me help them instead. So then what happens is X Y Z. You're having to figure out how to provide your own needs because you help someone else. And when you do this over and over and over and over and over again, and then you realize, dang, I don't have no one to save me, then a lot of times, that's when you're like dang, I don't have the support I need. Dang, I don't have nobody to have my back. Dang, I feel like I'm just always struggling. I don't have the motivation, because what you had for you, you then gave to someone else, which left you on empty.

Speaker 1: 6:02

Another example is you could be working at a place, right, you can be at your place of employment and you could be working with people who have experienced traumatic experiences or they're going through hard times and you're there to give support and to teach different things right. But at the same time, while you're showing up, you're also getting exhausted because the communication, the support within the place of employment is lacking, and so everybody ends up tired. There's really no real communication and the communication that is happening is all negative. So then you're tired, you're exhausted, you're having negative conversations and then you don't have no support. So where do that lead?

Speaker 1: 7:11

A lot of times in the workplace that leads to people leaving. That's listening to people not being seen or not being heard. There comes a time to where there's a difference between what the higher ups may be thinking is going on and what the frontline employees are experiencing, and then what the middle employees are trying to navigate. But the communication chain is broken, right, but the communication chain is broken Right, and so then there's never really the positivity that people need to be fed is no longer going and communicating up or down the chain, and so that's when people really start leaving, or they're just showing up because of the check and that's it, and so they're not showing up to come and do their best work, so the company isn't hitting the goals. That is needed and it causes so much other issues.

Speaker 1: 8:18

So, understanding what compassion fatigue is, or understanding the invisible scars that show up, they are essential. It's crucial. They don't just define your worth and your strength, but they're also a testament to the compassion you've extended and the battles that you faced as well. So it's time to embrace the strength that is within you and remember that self-care is not optional and it's not something that is like, ooh, it's a luxury, no, it's a necessity. It's not a want, it's a luxury. No, it's a necessity. It's not a want, it's a need. So when we nurture ourselves, what we do is we ensure that we have the strength to continue caring for ourselves, but also for others.

Speaker 1: 9:21

So in this episode, I'm going to really hone in on what it feels like to have compassion fatigue or be exhausted or be running on empty, when you're someone who leads with your heart and when I say leads with your heart, I'm talking about in your personal life, or you may even be a heart-centered servant or a heart-centered leader at work. But that's what we're going to talk about today. We're going to discuss the different signs and the symptoms, the different signs and the symptoms, but also real strategies for maintaining an emotional and spiritual and mental and physical balance, from setting boundaries to different techniques in place, different tools in place. This is about implementation, as always. So are you ready? Because we're about to go on this journey together. We're going to talk about creating a ripple effect of well-being in your life and those that you lead and that you support.

Speaker 1: 10:50

So welcome to who Am I? With Crystal J. As you know, I am Crystal J, the who Am I expert, your somatic trauma-informed coach and the empowerment goddess. I work to empower you to overcome barriers, discover your authenticity, unlock your potential and elevate your life with success and fulfillment. I do this through my proven proprietary framework Empower Transformational Healing, the ODE method and somatic trauma-informed techniques. You will be empowered to unleash the pain, anxiousness and suffering and silence that you are experiencing, while embracing joy, peace and clarity in the life that you envision for yourself.

Speaker 1: 11:43

So let's dive in. Have you taken a moment to go ahead and download this episode for later or share it with a person that you're like? Ooh, such and such needs to hear this. This is the perfect time to do it, because we're about to get started with all the meat and potatoes. Okay, so take out your notepad and pen for notes and let's get ready. So you ready. I hope you are.

Speaker 1: 12:11

So what I want you to do is I want you to imagine this scenario. You are dedicated, you lead with your heart, you juggling multiple deadlines while also being the go-to person for everyone your family, your team at work and maybe your team at church, your colleagues, your family, your friends. They all rely on you for guidance and understanding and you're always there to lend an ear, offer advice, step in when they need assistance, whether that means you showing up for them at their home, giving them financial support, whether that means that you are just a shoulder to lean on, you are just a shoulder to lean on. Over time, this constant giving and supporting others starts to take a toll. You find yourself feeling exhausted, emotionally numb and less effective in all your roles in life, but especially in your life. The joy you once had and that you once loved starts to fade. Helping others is now becoming something that gets you exhausted and it gives you a sense of overwhelm, burnout, unappreciated. You see, this is compassion fatigue. It's a natural response from the emotional demands of constantly supporting others, affecting your ability to care for yourself and those around you. I said earlier that you know it comes when a lot of people feel it.

Speaker 1: 14:06

Compassion fatigue shows up in a lot of people who lead with their heart, who are, who have a strong sense of empathy, who has a deep desire to help others, no matter what it is. Maybe that person is having a difficult time, or you've been in a similar situation, or you've seen someone else go through their situation and you know how bad it is, so you're trying to help them, but then you're so heavily invested in the well-being of them that you forget about your own well-being. That's not cool, because you know why. That's when you get exhausted, feeling emotionally detached. You feel numb, you feel drained, even after you may had a great, full night's sleep. You're experiencing a lot of anxiousness. You're constantly scanning for a problem, something is going wrong. You are irritable. You're having difficulty focusing, making decisions. You're starting to have like a negative vibe, even if it lasts for a moment. You're beginning to isolate yourself from your family, your friends, your colleagues. You're self-medicating and you feel a lack of purpose or connection to your own values.

Speaker 1: 15:35

This is the impact of people who lead with a heart and haven't set the boundaries needed to care for themselves boundaries needed to care for themselves. You're leading, but right now you're leading with unhealthy coping mechanisms, causing decreased morale in your life, even at work. There's a lot of miscommunications, a lot of misunderstandings, whether it's with you yourself or with the people in your life or people under you. At work, you may be struggling with creativity, problem solving, and when places of employment experiences these, they have increased turnover rates. You definitely don't have the energy to keep moving forward and you may be saying like, okay, I get it, it shows up all up and through my life. But it's not just surface level, it's not just emotional, but, as with everything else, this also affects your nervous system in the way that you really process things and so like.

Speaker 1: 16:56

When we're going through this whole body stress response in the nervous system. This stress response releases hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. That prepares us to be on, basically a heightened alert, and that's why we are sitting up here constantly scanning, looking for whatever threats that there may be, and a lot of times there aren't any, but we are heightened. And then our brain's limbic system. It's unable to maintain balance or avoid stress. So when we have stress hormones like the cortisol and adrenaline that takes over. We need something to combat that right. That's where serotonin and dopamine comes in play.

Speaker 1: 17:43

Serotonin is known as our feel-good chemical that our body produces. Serotonin is associated with our pleasure. We want to increase our serotonin and our dopamine levels. Some ways to kind of do that is go for a walk, do some yoga, get some sun. That's why sometimes people when they have breaks and they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for a walk, run, do some yoga, get some sun. That's why sometimes people when they have breaks and they're like, oh, I need a break, they go outside or they go for a walk. Those things kind of make you feel good. That's why usually when you come in, you're like, okay, I'm a little more relaxed. You know, have you ever went on? Have you ever been upset? And then you go for a walk or you go for a run and you come back and you feel a little bit better. You're releasing some of that serotonin.

Speaker 1: 18:29

One of my favorite ways to release dopamine is listening to music or doing something creative. What are some strategies and solutions? And so one thing that I say is we can. It's really important to set boundaries and I mentioned that earlier, and I'm not saying that you're necessarily setting boundaries for others, but you also need to set boundaries with yourself, because when you're often leading with your heart, you're constantly giving, giving, giving, giving. But then, when it's time for you to receive, you'll be like, oh no, that's OK, you need to do this. Oh no, that's OK, I'll figure it out.

Speaker 1: 19:20

But then later, when you get into the point of exhaustion, you're like, dang, I don't have the support that I need. But people have tried and you pushed them away. Even if they halfway did it, it was still something where you'd be like, yeah, I can, yeah, thank you. Thank you for showing that appreciation. Thank you for giving it back. Thank you for showing that appreciation. Thank you for giving it back. Thank you for showing me the same. Thank you for looking out for me the same way I've been looking out for you, because when we give and we're looking out for other people, it makes us feel good. We get those release of those hormones, and so we just give and we just give and we just give.

Speaker 1: 20:11

Well, it's time for you to set boundaries, real boundaries, on when you can give and when you can't give, when you can show up and complete a project fully to when you can tap out and be like, hey, my place already full. I would love to do this or I would like to do this, but if I take on this project, which project would you like for me to wait on? That's a good way to word it. Especially when it's something at work. You can't continue to overfill your plate because you're trying to be that helpful person, because that's when you get exhausted. There may be times to where, as much as you want to support someone, you just don't have the capacity mentally or emotionally, and you have to sit there and say you know what, at this moment, I don't have it in me. I would love to support you, but right now I'm just going through so much of my own stuff that I can't at this moment. You don't always have to be the superhero, because you too need the support that you get.

Speaker 1: 21:41

Other things that you can do is practice mindfulness, breathing, guided meditations, and it's important to find real solutions to the root issues. You need help with that. Get at me and then find things that rejuvenate your spirit, and if you need help with that, get at me, but it's about prioritizing your self-care as well, and that's important, whether that's in your life, at home, but it's also important in your career identifying and determining where your negative thoughts are coming from. What are the negative thoughts that you're having? Where are they coming from? Okay, and then how can we turn those? How can we rewire those? What are some things that we can do to where they're not affecting you the way that they've been? So we got to restructure some things, but first, in order to restructure them, we have to identify them and then, once we identify them, we can change them.

Speaker 1: 23:01

Okay, it's also important to realize that sometimes it's not about you being the doer, being the person to save someone or to help fix their problem. Sometimes it's about actively listening. You know, there's times to where I will call someone in my healthy support system and I'll be like, hey, I just need a vent. Is that cool? Like I'm not asking you to fix anything, save anything or anything like that. I just need someone to vent to, to just listen, and so truly having that active listening, which means also that you are listening to understand and, even though you may not always understand, to fix every single problem that that person has, because a lot of times, we think, oh, because someone has told us this something, we have to be the one to fix it. Why? Because we leave with our hearts, we're empathetic, we want to sit there and make sure that everybody else is doing good, but in that process, we're forgetting about ourselves. Ok, and so it's about making sure that we have supportive relationships in our in our personal lives and in our work lives. So, if you are a leader at work, there should be a support network within the team, within the people that you manage, but also there should be a team above you as well that you're included in. And then, for your personal life, you should have this healthy support system that can range from a variety of people, from your partner, friends, other family members, professionals, like a coach or a therapist.

Speaker 1: 25:33

So one thing that I would like to do before I end this episode, because, as you know, I always leave y'all with some type of tool. Right, right, all right. So I'm gonna tell y'all about two different exercises. Both of these are visualization exercises. One is really focused on you personally and one is focused on you being a support to others. So the one for you because, like I said, you have to have your cup full. People get your overflow, whether at work or at home, they get your overflow. They don't get what's in your cup.

Speaker 1: 26:13

So one thing is one thing that I love doing and I've implemented in my life. I've had other clients implement in their life, I've taught my coworkers this before, so it's a really good exercise for yourself. I want you to get in a place to where you're comfortable and I want you to take time out of your day, whether it's once a week, once every other week, every couple of days, every night. Now I do my Fridays and Saturdays, and so what I do is that I really take time to visualize my week ahead, setting the attention for the week and visualizing success coming from that intention that I'm setting. So, whether it's different goals or different activities that I'm doing, I'm setting intention for the week, for the week to be successful overall, but also the different things that I'm looking at that's in my calendar or that I want to add to my calendar, or I know different projects that I need to complete. I'm setting intention and I'm visualizing success, and so that's one thing that I want you to do for yourself is set intention and visualize success.

Speaker 1: 27:45

And sometimes there's some weeks where some weeks have been just really, really hard, really difficult, because it's like so much is on my plate and I have to do a refresher. And so I will say, okay, I need to kind of get myself together and I will set intention and I'll visualize success, especially when I noticed that I've started getting to where I'm like, man, this is hard, man, I got to do this and this and this and this. I'm tired, I don't feel like doing it, I'm just exhausted. This not working like oh, this not working like oh. And most of the time I'll sit here and I'll turn on the music and I will get to sudden intentions, visualizing, praying, meditating, stretching all those things that I know will help me release some things right, something that will help me imagine, basically, positive outcomes from the things that I'm working on.

Speaker 1: 28:52

Okay, so then, if you are supporting someone else, so notice that you have someone in your life, whether it's a friend, a family member, a partner, a coworker, someone that's on your team, whoever and you just notice that their demeanor is different, that they aren't showing up as who they usually show up as You're like ooh, something seems to be off. So, instead of ignoring that person or that situation, see if you can find some privacy and make sure you ensure confidentiality. Ask that person hey, I've noticed you seemed a bit off lately, or you seemed a bit overwhelmed lately, or you've been moving a little bit different lately. How can I support you?

Speaker 1: 29:54

And when you go to this person, show them eye contact, give them a smile, remain open, because sometimes, like I, have this habit too of crossing my arms when I'm talking to people and a lot of times I'll tell myself Crystal, quit crossing your arms. You know, you got to remain open, okay, but it's just a habit, like you know. But a lot of times like, okay, but it's just a habit, like you know. But a lot of times, like when you someone crossed their arms, especially when you're looking at their full thing, someone can cross their arms and be talking and smiling and this is just comfort to them. Or somebody had their arms crossed and be like oh, you know, they're not really into you. They're looking this way and that way. They're not really smiling. They're giving you a frown or they're smirking, you know, or you can tell like that is a fake smile, you know, but we want to remain, but we want to show that we are open and that we're accepting and that we're listening to them and that we are, that we are actively listening to them.

Speaker 1: 31:00

Okay, if that person open up to listening to them. Okay, if that person open up to you listen, okay, they'll tell you how you can support them. And then if they don't feel like opening up to you at that time, just let them know. If anything do come up, I'm here for you, so just let me know. Another thing that you can do is, even after checking in with them, schedule a time to kind of check in with them, you know, for ongoing support, or just to let them know that they have somebody that is willing to support them, lend an ear, help find a solution, offer resources, and when we're doing that, that's another way to where we can show that support that us as heart-led people do, but at the same time, you're not pouring out of your own cup. It also helps smooth out the environment, because now you're opening communication. So now that person, when someone else is going through something they may be like hey, you know what you should go talk to such and such. They are a great listener, they're willing to hear you, and that's important, especially if it's something within your family or within your social circle.

Speaker 1: 32:40

It's also important to have, if you are at your place of employment or in your career, to be a leader where people feel like they can come to you, that they can have communication, that they can have communication. Because I know one situation for me. I've been to jobs to where I've had higher ups who weren't open. I've had higher ups who were definitely open and communicated all the time. You knew that it was good to go talk to that person. You can go talk to that person about whatever. And then I've had bosses or higher ups who I didn't approach. Or I knew that everybody on the front line, or the majority of the people on the front line, wouldn't go because it was already going around as soon as you start that employment that you better not go to that person. And you hear all these horrifying experiences of people trying to advocate or people trying to communicate with the, with the head leader. So then guess what, what's that have caused A lot of people. Then that caused miscommunication. And that person can come to you and be like, hey, you're having issues, just kind of talk, but then you've already heard all the stories, so I'm not, definitely not going to come to you.

Speaker 1: 34:12

I've been in places like that and it's unfortunate because we should have that communication, because here you are at the top, like what is going on? Why are we having this high turnover? Why are we not having people coming in and why can't we keep employees? Why aren't our people engaged? Why aren't we tackling these goals that we have? Why are we not succeeding? And a lot of times there's a break in communication, there's a break in support, and that's when we have to come in and establish why no-transcript, don't pour out of your own cup, allow people to get your overflow, active listening, healthy communication, a healthy support system, finding the solutions. What we talked about. We talked about mindfulness and breath work and visualization.

Speaker 1: 35:56

Another good one is, you know, is allowing people to, especially in workplaces this is a good one is having a link or a box or something to where employees can submit their stressors or their worries about the workplace privately and then have someone really check in. Or another thing is you can have, whether in your personal life or at a business, have a third party come in to help mediate and help find solutions If it's at your place of an employment, or if you are the leader at your job or the director, have a consultant, come in and talk to your different employees at all different levels to where they can help find where the issues may lay, determine the roots of them and then put solutions in place. Because a third party coming in, people may feel more open to share and less worried about what repercussions. And when we take time to establish a work-life balance, these healthy systems provide lasting changes, lasting positive changes. Lasting changes, lasting positive changes, and with this it can cause a ripple effect in yourself, in those around you, at home, at church, at work. And that's what we want. We want a place of safety, a place of good, positive well-being mind, body and spiritually.

Speaker 1: 38:02

So I ask you to do me one favor, is that okay? I want you to share this episode with one person, whether it's someone in your personal life or someone in your career life. In your personal life or someone in your career life. And then one last thing I want to remind y'all that I have opened up free access to the Breakthrough to Authenticity, module 1 for you. This way you can begin to start your process in overcoming barriers, what they are, how they affect our bodies and, of course, as always, giving you some tips. It has worksheet activities for you to do and I give you options to work with me as well. So check out module one and really begin your process in overcoming barriers. This has been who Am I with Crystal J, where we provide real life solutions for real life barriers, while discovering your authenticity so you can live your best life with fulfillment and purpose. Have a good day.