EP 47 How Can I Build Healthy Boundaries Without Feeling Guilty?

Do you struggle with people-pleasing? 

Feel guilty when you say “no”?

Overwhelmed by always putting others first? 

In this episode, we’re diving deep into how to set boundaries without feeling guilty—so you can protect your energy, prioritize your needs, and build healthier relationships.

You'll learn:
✅ Why setting boundaries feels so hard (and how to overcome guilt)
✅ The connection between boundaries, burnout, and self-worth
✅ Practical strategies to say “no” with confidence—without fear of rejection
✅ How to stop overgiving and start honoring your needs

If you’ve ever thought:
 💭 “If I say no, they’ll be upset with me.”
💭 “I feel responsible for their happiness.”
💭 “I don’t want to seem selfish or ungrateful.”

Then this episode is for you!

Your journey to self-respect, balance, and freedom starts NOW.

🔹 Ready for a deeper transformation? 

Join my Breakthrough to Authenticity Program, where we overcome barriers, unlock your true self, and create a life of fulfillment—without guilt. Start with a FREE 2-week trial of Module 1 today!

Free Training Module 1 Sneak Peak - Overcome Barriers

www.krystaljae.com/sneakpeak

Enroll in the 6-month All-Inclusive Breakthrough to Authenticity Program

www.krystaljae.com/breakthrough

Use Code: Empower3500

🎧 Hit play now! Don’t forget to share this episode with a friend who needs it.

#SettingBoundaries #PeoplePleasing #OvercomingGuilt #SelfWorth #PersonalGrowth #BreakthroughToAuthenticity #HealingJourney #SelfCare #TraumaInformedHealing

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Boundaries and Guilt
• 19:00 Understanding Emotional Blocks and Conditioning
• 45:00 Practical Steps to Set Boundaries

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

hey, hey.

Speaker 1: 0:04

Have you ever said yes when you really wanted to say no? Have you ever felt responsible for other people's emotions, even at the cost of your own well-being? If so, you are not alone. You see, setting boundaries can be challenging, especially when guilt tries to creep in, and it does. Remember Angela I shared part of her journey last episode. And why do I feel stuck? How can I break free from my emotional blocks? I hope you tuned into that, because if you didn't, that's your next episode.

Speaker 1: 0:40

Okay, you see, angela was a giver people pleasing, always putting others first, always saying yes even when her heart was screaming no. She felt like she felt like she was stuck in a toxic cycle of overgiving and feeling underappreciated. Every time she tried to say no, guilt would creep in, whispering you're being selfish. Instead of feeling empowered, she felt like she was failing. Instead of feeling empowered, she felt like she was failing. Instead of feeling empowered, she felt like she was failing the people around her. Even though she was doing the best that she could do for the capacity that she had, she still felt like she was failing. Does that sound familiar? Maybe for yourself, for someone else? So take this moment to share this episode to that first person that crossed your mind or that group chat that y'all are in. Put it in there. Let's build healthy boundaries without feeling guilty. You see, in today's episode, we're going to break down why setting boundaries feels so hard, how guilt plays a role and, most importantly, how you can establish healthy boundaries with confidence and self-respect. So why do we feel guilty for setting boundaries? So why do we feel guilty for setting boundaries? Hey, hey, welcome to who Am I With Me, crystal J where we really go deep into discovering who you are, overcoming barriers and elevating your life with success and fulfillment. This is how can I build healthy boundaries without feeling guilty. You see, this is a topic that a lot of people run for. Try to do everything else except for establish healthy boundaries. But as you're going to learn in this episode that it is essential to have healthy boundaries, for us to have them and for us to also respect others boundaries, so enjoy. Who am I with crystal j.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Many of us struggle with boundaries because of unresolved emotional wounds. Maybe you've been taught that your worth is tied to knowing how much you give or how much you sacrifice for others. You might think, if I say no, they'll leave, or if I set boundaries, I'll hurt someone I care about. These emotional blocks can keep you stuck in patterns of overgiving and resentment. You see, from a young age we were conditioned to prioritize others over ourselves. We learned that sharing is caring and being nice often means self-sacrificing, even when it harmed us. You see, some cultural and family expectations reinforce the idea that setting boundaries is rejection rather than an act of self-care. And when past experiences have taught us that standing up for ourselves leads to rejection or leads to some type of abuse, then our nervous system might respond with fear, even if setting boundaries is the healthy choice. Think about that. Yeah, so you see, saying yes becomes a way to avoid conflict or maintain a sense of control. Have you said yes to something or to someone just because you didn't want to deal with the aftermath? You didn't want to deal with the aftermath. You didn't want to deal with the arguing or the cussing, or maybe that person throws tantrums or whatever it is. Have you said, do you say yes just so you don't have to deal with what's next? Think about it. Even when we know that it's good and it's right for us to say no, we still say yes because of that reason.

Speaker 1: 5:08

Often, when people hear boundaries, their minds go to walls or they say I have boundaries, when in reality they really have walls up and not boundaries. Because there is a difference. Because there is a difference. You see, boundaries are more like the boundary lines on the football field, soccer field, basketball court right, the team can cross the line physically, but they don't because they know where the boundary lies. Right, they know where they're going to get penalized at, so they don't cross those lines.

Speaker 1: 5:43

A wall is literally just that a wall. If you're closed in a room and there's nothing but walls, no doors, you're legit stuck. That's a wall. We're not having walls, we're having boundaries. Right, because we can still see what's across the field. We can still see. If this room was no walls but just boundary lines, I could still see the next rooms next to me. You can still see the vision. But when you're stuck you're just bouncing back off. But when you have just a boundary, you can still see. Sometimes boundary lines shift and they change depending on where you're at in life and the relationships that you have with people.

Speaker 1: 6:29

From my clients I have often heard and to be honest, I have believed at one point in time some of these following statements as well. Like I say yes because it's easier than dealing with the fallout of saying no, I feel anxious just thinking about setting boundaries. If I say no, they'll be upset with me. I don't want to let people down. I feel responsible for their happiness. In my family, we always put others first. I was taught that saying no is rude or selfish. I feel like I'm always giving, but no one ever gives back. What do you mean? Good people don't have boundaries. We suck it up and do what needs to be done. I know I need to set boundaries, but I feel guilty, like I'm doing something wrong. If I say no, they'll think I don't care. If I don't do it, who will? I don't want to seem selfish or ungrateful. I'm afraid that they'll stop talking to me if I try to enforce boundaries.

Speaker 1: 7:54

You see, fear plays a huge role in why we avoid setting boundaries. We worry that saying no will make us seem unlovable or push people away. No will make us seem unlovable or push people away. That fear can. This fear takes over our lives at that moment and then we sit with this fear that originated from the past and we begin experiencing anxiousness, maybe sadness, maybe confusion, loneliness, a sense of they don't understand me. This fear also comes from the path, from our past experiences. Right, we get scared they're going to lead to conflict, rejection or even abandonment.

Speaker 1: 8:44

But you see, we also struggle with boundaries in our career, which leads to overworking and burnout and compassion fatigue. In our career, those situations may show up as you're always the one staying late, taking on extra tasks or saying yes to every request when it's not your responsibility. You don't want to disappoint your boss or co -workers, but inside you're exhausted. You think things like if I don't do it, my team will fall apart, or I'm afraid, if do matter. But they also give us a sense of self-respect and authentic relationships. So I want you to ask yourself what are my beliefs about saying no? Where do those beliefs originate from? How is the pattern showing up in my life? Because boundaries are not barriers. They are for guidelines and therefore healthy relationships. They protect your energy, your time and your emotional well-being.

Speaker 1: 10:09

So saying no to others, it is saying yes to yourself and, to be honest, in a lot of different situations you saying no to them is you also saying I believe in you, because sometimes people ask us to do some things when they believe that they are not capable or that they wouldn't have the support if they do. But sometimes, being like I would love to support you in that endeavor, it's still saying yes. So you're saying no, that you're not going to do it, but you you're also saying yes, I support you and I have your back. Isn't that wonderful. That was just a boundary right there.

Speaker 1: 10:56

So I want you to take time to identify your needs, your limitation, what drains you? What energizes you? Where do you feel resentment? Because resentment is often a sign of a weak or missing boundaries. So I want you to be honest about how you feel, where you feel it you know. Be honest about your need to feel safe, to feel respected and to feel value. So when you're working on establishing boundaries and implementing them and sharing them with the others in your life, start small and practice saying no. Practice saying no. If saying no feels way too hard, start with softer statements like I don't have the capacity for that right now. I appreciate you thinking of me, but I can't commit to that. The more you practice, the easier it becomes. So, yes, expect discomfort. So, yes, expect discomfort, but don't let it stop you.

Speaker 1: 12:08

We often get confused when we believe that guilt means that we're doing something wrong. That's not always true. You can feel guilt or fear can show up when your nervous system is in that heightened state of fight, flight freeze. Heightened state of fight, flight freeze. So when you get to that place, to where guilt or shame is coming up or fear is presenting itself, I want you to try different grounding techniques, like breath work or mindfulness, which can help you stay calm and centered as you navigate your boundary setting. It's a sign you are unlearning, and you are unlearning old patterns as well. So give yourself grace as you step into a more empowered version of you, because if your kids was trying something new, you're not going to be mad at them the first couple of times, right, you're going to encourage them to keep going and keep trying. This is new for you as well. Keep going and keep trying, stay firm and follow through.

Speaker 1: 13:12

If you set a boundary but don't enforce it, people will assume that you didn't mean it, and I want you to think about it. Did you mean it? The boundaries that you set, I want you to meet to me. I want you to be like this is yes, I need this, this is just for me, and implement and share them with people. When you share them, make sure you communicate clearly and calmly.

Speaker 1: 13:38

If there's questions, be open to answering them to where people can understand, or at least try to understand why those boundaries are in place. So know why you're setting those boundaries. How does it make you feel? Is it going to give you more energy? Is it going to allow you to rest? Is it going to help clear your mind? Is it going to help you move forward? Know those things, because one thing it is I don't want you to get me mistaken for when I say be prepared to answer questions, because I don't want you to be like see, that's why I don't do boundaries, because everybody want to ask me a whole bunch of questions and I don't know the answers. I just know this. It well, that's fine, because you can simply just say look, this is a boundary, because this is what makes me feel good and I would love if you can respect that for me. Boom, there you go, okay. So you do not need to over explain or justify your choices or your boundaries.

Speaker 1: 14:49

When you set the boundaries, be clear and compassionate. Use I statements to express your needs without blaming or shaming the other person. So, instead of saying you're always asking too much of me, I want you to try. I need some time for myself to recharge, so I won't be able to help you with this right now. Isn't that great, because I will be more than willing to accept the I need some time for myself to recharge, so I won't be able to help you with that this time. I'll feel better about hearing that than hearing. You're always asking me too many questions. Are you always asking me to do too much? Right? So we're changing that and I'll say it one more time I need some time for myself to recharge, so I won't be able to help you with this right now. So I want you to remember that your needs matter too.

Speaker 1: 15:56

Building boundaries is a skill that takes practice. Celebrate small wins and be kind to yourself when it feels hard. Remember progress is more important than perfection, and I also want you to remember that, when you're setting boundaries, show other people how they can set boundaries too, because that helps build healthier relationships, healthier communications and an overall healthier sense of well-being for all of us. Right? This isn't a secret. So remember setting healthy boundaries is an act of self-love and not selfishness. You are not responsible for managing other people's emotions at the expense of your own well-being, and it's vice versa Other people are not responsible for managing your emotions at the expense of their well-being either. So by honoring your needs, you also teach others how to respect you and you create a space for healthy relationships that are truly supportive.

Speaker 1: 17:09

So, if this episode resonated with you, take a moment, a quick moment, a small moment to reflect. Where in your life do you need stronger boundaries? What's one small step that you can take today? And if you're saying, huh, let me think about it. What small step can I take? I have one step for you, so I invite you to join my Breakthrough to Authenticity program.

Speaker 1: 17:43

We get started immediately in module one. We'll dive into overcoming barriers and learn how to honor your needs without guilt. You can start with a free two-week trial of module one, or you can jump straight into the full program for lasting transformations. I want to remind you you are worthy of love, you are worthy of respect, you are worthy of joy, and that starts with how you treat yourself. So let today be the day you choose healthy relationships, a happy career, healthy communication, a better life and a fulfilled you.

Speaker 1: 18:30

Just go to wwwcrystaljcom forward slash breakthrough to join in on the full, six-month, all-inclusive Break to authenticity program, where, six months from now, you will be living a better life. And if you're just like oh, I don't know yet I have something for you to claim your free access to module one. You just get module one. You don't get the weekly, the weekly one-on-one sessions with me, and you get there by going to wwwcrystaljcom. Forward slash sneak peek. That's wwwcrystaljcom. Forward slash sneak peek or forward slash breakthrough. Remember, today is your day to take empowered action, so make your first move.