Ep. 47 Are You Living For You or For Them? Rediscovering Your Authentic Self

Are you shape-shifting to please others while silently wondering who you really are beneath all those expectations? 

We've all been there – exhausted from the constant performance, resentful of giving too much while receiving too little, and deeply disconnected from our own desires and needs.

This episode dives into the transformative ODE method – Overcome, Discover, Elevate – a powerful framework designed to help you break free from living for validation and step confidently into living for fulfillment. As a trauma-informed resilience consultant, I've witnessed how the staggering 70% of adults who've experienced trauma often lose themselves in the process of trying to fit into everyone else's mold.

Through relatable stories and actionable guidance, we explore practical strategies to recognize harmful patterns, reconnect with your authentic self, and take meaningful steps toward a life that truly resonates with your values. You'll learn how to journal effectively about where you're suppressing your true self, practice saying "no" without guilt, and make choices that honor your authenticity rather than others' expectations.

The most beautiful revelation? When you show up as your genuine self, you create a ripple effect that positively impacts your relationships, career, and overall wellbeing. Your transformation becomes the catalyst for positive change in those around you.

Ready to stop living for everyone else and start living for you? Share this episode with three people who need to hear this message, and check out my Breakthrough to Authenticity program at krystaljae.com to continue your journey toward authentic living. Your true self is waiting – it's time to answer the call.

Free Sneak Peek:

www.krystaljae.com/sneakpeek

Join the Breakthrough to Authenticity Program:

www.krystaljae.com/breakthrough

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction: Living for you vs. them
• 2:39 Meet Sue: The people-pleaser's journey
• 6:15 Signs you're living for validation
• 9:07 Overcome: Recognizing harmful patterns
• 11:30 Discover: Reconnecting with your true self
• 14:15 Elevate: Taking authentic action
• 17:31 Creating a positive ripple effect

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

hey, have you ever felt like you're constantly changing who you are just to fit in, or like you have lost yourself in the process of just living life? Or even you maybe even wondered have I ever known who I truly am, or was I always just a follower? You see, today in this episode, we're going to life and how to break free using the ODE method overcome, discover, elevate. You see, I see this all the time with my clients and I've been in the place of wondering who I am in my own life. I share that journey many a times. So I have a question for you Are you living for you or are you living for them? Welcome to Are you Living For you or For them?

Speaker 1: 1:28

On the who Am I podcast with Crystal J Me. As you know, I am Crystal J, the empowerment goddess, your who Am I expert and a trauma-informed resilience consultant. Did you know that 70% of adults have experienced some type of trauma in their life 70%? Well, I empower the 70% through my proprietary framework and the ODE method to really overcome barriers, discover your authenticity, to unlock that untapped potential and elevate success with fulfillment, purpose and clarity. So if you know someone who you may be thinking, dang, I really think that this person is living their life for everybody else or for a certain person and they're not living their own life. Do me a favor and do them a favor. Do me a favor and do them a favor and really do yourself a favor and support them. Share this episode with them.

Speaker 1: 2:53

Right now I'm not going anywhere. You can like this post. You can download it for later. Just pause me real quick. Send it to your group chat Now. Are you ready?

Speaker 1: 3:45

I know this woman, woman, so I know this. I know this woman who was always adjusting her personality, her interests and the choices in friendships and relationships, and even her career. For today's purpose, I'm going to call her Sue. Okay, and Sue was overcommitted to pleasing others, while ignoring her own needs. Does that sound familiar? Is that person you Are you Sue? Is that person you Are you Sue?

Speaker 1: 4:39

When Sue and I was talking, she finally admitted to me that one of the reasons why she reached out was because she realized that she did not know who she was anymore. Do you know who you are? She says she was dealing with exhaustion, resentment, feeling disconnected and wondering what do I even want? Who am I beyond what people expect me to be? Have you asked yourself those same questions?

Speaker 1: 5:10

So you see, we often find ourselves going through life and if you're anything like Sue, you are shape-shifting to meet everyone else's expectations. You are living with a fear of rejection. You are seeking love, approval. You may have experienced childhood conditioning, and society, family and our cultural pressures are just taking over your life because you're trying to fit in this little bitty mold that they got you in instead of bursting out to freedom. Live in this place of who am I?

Speaker 1: 6:15

We often miss out on so many opportunities in life, whether that's traveling or going for the career that you really wanted, or going back to school, or having kids, not having kids, going shopping, not going shopping the way you eat. Your whole life you deal with a loss of identity. Who am I really? You have emotional exhaustion and pretending that you're okay is the main corporate, because it's draining. You're constantly showing up for what others want you to be, but you're not taking time to embrace and rest in who you are authentically. There's some resentment that's going through your body because you're giving too much and you're getting too little in return. So here's some signs that I want you to look out for. I want you to let me know if you're living for validation or if you're living for fulfillment, because right now, a lot of that 70% is living in validation. 70% is living in validation. Even if you have money galore or you're struggling from bill to bill, you're discovering who you are makes the difference, and a lot of us are living in that validation. So let's figure out which one are you Now.

Speaker 1: 7:57

Are you constantly questioning your choices based on what others think? Are you feeling disconnected from your own desires? Are you struggling to set or enforce boundaries? Are you feeling exhausted and wondering why? Take a moment, ask yourself those questions. Are you living in validation or are you living in validation or are you living in fulfillment? Because you see, I can't answer that for you. Only you can answer that for you. Your mom, your brother, your neighbor, your co-worker, your partner none of them can answer that question for you, but you so. Of course. I always leave y'all with an empowered action step. So let's talk about it.

Speaker 1: 9:07

Overcome, which is overcoming barriers, so you can begin recognizing the patterns, so you can stop breaking habits, so you can alter your life and get back on the journey to healing, the journey to living the life that you want to live. So what I want you to do with overcoming barriers, recognizing the patterns. There's a couple of options for this one. Recognizing the patterns. There's a couple options for this one. One use the journal prompt. Where am I suppressing my true self to fit in? Where are you hiding? And then I want you to step and take an inventory of who or what influences your choices the most right now, at this moment. Who or what influences your choices the most? And then the last option for overcoming barriers is for you to go and hop into the free module, one sneak peek. That sneak peek goes into guess what Overcoming barriers, and it helps you really go through and recognize the patterns that you have in your life, that have been instilled in your life, whether it was from society, family, your culture or a traumatic experience. It's about breaking through those barriers, recognizing the patterns, so then you can take empowered action to truly heal, because we talk about the neuroscience aspect, the spiritual, we talk about psychological and we talk about your body. It's really built for everlasting change. So join in on the overcome barriers to get started in recognizing the patterns so you can break the toxic cycle.

Speaker 1: 11:26

Okay, the next thing discover. We want to discover your authenticity, which allows you to reconnect with yourself. So, in your journal, I want you to write or think about this question. And if you're anything like me, I love seeing myself the way that I talk, the way that my body moves, because I can read my full body language, right. So, even if it's not a written journal that my body moves because I can read my full body language, right. So, even if it's not a written journal that you're doing, doing a video journal, just grabbing your phone and talking into it? Okay, that is good too. Turn on that camera and get to talking. That's another way to journal, okay. And obviously, and it's actually my favorite way Okay.

Speaker 1: 12:23

So, in that you're going to be answering again what excites you, what are your interests and what fulfills you. And then I want you to go through and make a choice. If no one else's opinion mattered, what would you choose to do? Or if no one else's opinion mattered, how would you live your life? Answer that it's not for me, it's for you. If you want to share it, then definitely you can, but this is for you.

Speaker 1: 13:05

Then finally, elevate. We didn't overcame barriers and began recognizing patterns. We didn't discover our authenticity and began recognizing patterns, we then discover our authenticity, reconnecting with ourselves and unlocking the untapped potential that we didn't know was there because we were too busy hiding behind what everyone else wanted us to be. So now we're elevating, we're taking small, authentic steps to be authentic, towards that successful life with fulfillment that you want, towards the purpose that you want, towards the understanding that you want, towards the clarity that you want, towards the good new relationships that you want, towards the career that you want, towards the business that you want to get started, that you want, towards being a successful parent, for being a successful you, a fulfilled you, a purpose-filled you. So I want you today to make one choice that aligns with your values and I want you to practice saying no without guilt.

Speaker 1: 14:30

Go in the mirror Again, pull out your phone, record yourself, practice saying no without guilt. No, oh, that felt good. No, oh, that felt good. No. Unfortunately, I can't help you with that at this time, but I would love to support you. But I would love to support you. Boom, no. Surround yourself with people who accept you for you, because you are amazing and you have to believe in who you are and you have to know who you are. I know you can do this. I have faith in you.

Speaker 1: 15:31

So again, are you living for you or are you living for them? And I know many of you are like oh, I live for my spouse, I live for my children. But I'm going to tell you one thing, and this is real when you are your best self, you can show up as your best self, as your authentic, best self with yourself, with your partner, with your children, and as you are living your best life with purpose, with passion, with authenticity, authenticity with clarity, tools to clear your mind, with being able to have healthy boundaries and healthy communication. Then guess what? There's this ripple effect, and then you begin to start helping your children, even when they're at school and Lord knows they need to be protected when your husband goes to work and then when all y'all come back together at home. I've seen it personally in my life and I've seen it in my clients lives, where their change caused this ripple effect of positivity, of growth, of healthy transformation within themselves and the people around them. So I encourage you to stop shapeshifting and accept, embrace your authentic self, because you are more than enough Now.

Speaker 1: 17:38

If this episode resonated with you, I want you to share this with three people, put it in the group chat. Whether it's a work group chat or your homeboy homegirl group chat or whatever family group chat, it doesn't matter. Put it in that group chat. I bet you got more than three people in a group chat on your phone, do it? Let's be this ripple effect. And if you want to go deeper, really want to go deeper, I want you to check out my breakthrough to authenticity program, my Breakthrough to Authenticity program. It's available at wwwkrystaljaecom. Or if you're like I want to know more about overcoming barriers. I want to be able to recognize the patterns in my life and break the ones that are not serving me. Then go over to the same website, crystaljcom, but go to forward slash sneak peek. That's k-r-y-s-T-A-L-J-A-E dot com. Forward slash sneak peek S-N-E-A-K-P-E-E-K. All of this will be in the episode description. Have an awesome, awesome day.