Ep 48 When Your Mind is it's Own Worst Enemy: Breaking the Self-Doubt Cycle

Self-doubt—that sneaky voice that makes us hesitate just when opportunity knocks. We prepare endlessly but never start. We watch others succeed while we stay stuck. Sound familiar?

The self-doubt cycle keeps us trapped in a pattern of missed opportunities and regret. But what if this isn't who you really are? What if it's just a pattern you've absorbed from past experiences, critical environments, or societal pressure?

Using the powerful ODE method—Overcome, Discover, Elevate—you can break free from self-doubt's grip. First, recognize that self-doubt is learned, not truth. By identifying your specific triggers and examining what you're truly afraid of, you begin to separate yourself from these limiting patterns.

Next, discover evidence of your capabilities by listing your wins (big and small) and reframing your self-talk. Ask yourself what advice you'd give a friend in your position—then apply that wisdom to yourself. Most of us have much more compassion for others than we extend to ourselves.

Finally, elevate through action and rewiring your thoughts. Take one imperfect action today. Replace "I'm not ready" with "I am learning and growing." Surround yourself with people who encourage healthy risk-taking.

The journey isn't about never experiencing doubt again—it's about having the tools to move through it. You don't need permission to go after what you want. You are enough, and you've already given yourself permission.

Ready to transform your relationship with self-doubt? 

Take that first imperfect step today. 

For additional support, 

Free Module 1 of the Breakthrough to Authenticity program at www.krystaljae.com/sneakpeek 

Enroll into the full 6- month Breakthrough to Authenticity Program 

www.krystaljae.com/breakthrough

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding the Self-Doubt Cycle
• 7:31 Empowered Transformational Healing and the ODE Method
• 13:38 From Pain to Purpose: Real-Life Impact
• 15:16 When Self-Doubt Creeps In
• 21:39 Avoidance Behaviors and Root Causes
• 24:53 How Self-Doubt Hijacks Your Life
• 27:47 The ODE Method: Breaking Free

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Have you ever had a great opportunity right in front of you but instead of taking it, you hesitated, second guessed yourself and let it just slip on by, have you? Today's focus is going to be about understanding the self-doubt cycle, why it keeps you stuck and how to break free from it using the ode method overcome, discover, elevate. You see, I've seen this with clients, friends and even in my own life. Self--doubt it's sneaky. It's a sneaky little sucker, but it can be overcome. Okay, now I'm going to get real with you for a moment, because see the self-doubt cycle, all of the tools that I equip you with during your time with me, and even if it's just you learning tools, whether it's on this podcast or on my Facebook page or my LinkedIn page, wherever you may be following me right, the most important thing is equipping you with tools. It's not because these things won't ever happen to you in life and you won't ever have to use them. It's about equipping your tool bag to where, when you need them, you actually are equipped with tools to use to help you succeed in life, and so I'm going to share with you. I'm going to be real vulnerable right now. Actually, I was going to share about a client that I worked with.

Speaker 1: 1:39

For years I have been in the coaching realm. I was a coach before. I claimed that I was a coach and part of me becoming a coach was because of those moments I had been coaching but wasn't doing it as a business or anything like that. Right, you know, I was just being helpful. Okay, for years I was in the coaching world and I've been coaching individuals for, oh my goodness, a long time. I really don't want to share my age y'all, but I've been coaching for a long time and it's just been these last few years that I've really been focused on adding the trauma-informed awareness aspect to my coaching, because it takes us all to a whole nother level. That was the ultimate missing piece for that ultimate true transformational healing. Okay, and so I discovered Empowered Transformational Healing, because I truly believe everything in me that on our healing journey we need empowerment, and when we have empowerment, our healing journey is truly transformational.

Speaker 1: 3:13

Okay, and then we have the ODE method overcome, discover, elevate, Overcome barriers. Discover your authenticity so you can unlock your untapped potential. Elevate success with fulfillment. Elevate the purpose in your life. Elevate what you're trying to accomplish in your life. Elevate who you are.

Speaker 1: 3:42

You know, of course I showed up every time, did my vows, shared lots of tools, discovered programs that will take my clients, take you from really feeling like you are lost, unwanted, not appreciated, help you to stop chronic people pleasing or being confused in your career and in your life, having unfulfilling relationships, living with the fear of rejection, low self-worth, difficulty making decisions, feeling disconnected overall. And in the back of your mind, you're saying I need to figure out who I really am. I want real, meaningful relationships. I can't keep living for others. Is that you Do? You say those things and see, I help go from that place, from that place of pain, to purpose, from confusion to clarity, right, and so what I'm saying is is that with this, with coaching, I noticed a difference in all of everybody's lives. I noticed a difference in all of everybody's lives, in the majority of my clients' lives, especially those who went through the full program.

Speaker 1: 5:11

The program is only six months but it takes work because it's not just surface level. We bring in neuroscience in it, we bring in somatics, we bring in law of attraction and meditation, we bring in trauma, informed awareness and all of this matters because it's truly life changing, because I have seen my kids go from not really being social or not easily making friends to now having a plethora of friends, from my daughter not really speaking up for herself to where now she's going to speak up for herself and she's going to speak up for others the difference between being bullied and being able to tell the bully. I'm not the one To being able to be that mediator in friend groups. Work their butts off when it comes to them focusing on the things that they want to accomplish, like right now it's sports. So them going out there and doing their best and knowing, okay, you know what. This may not have been a good game, but guess what we accomplished boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And yeah, this happened and it sucks and I'm down for the moment, but let me pick myself up.

Speaker 1: 6:41

There's nothing like seeing your child come to you and encourage you to keep moving forward, to encourage you to not think less of yourself because something didn't go right. But you know how that you learn that Through modeling, through seeing it, through being a witness, and so when you become your best self and you use the tools in your life, you're also teaching your children. And then guess what children do when children learn things, what, what children do. When children learn things, what do they do? They go and model and they do them outside of the home, right, and then other people can catch up on it Again. It's that ripple effect.

Speaker 1: 7:39

And so, knowing how good that is and how awesome it is right, knowing how good that is and how awesome it is right, there's sometimes a little bit of doubt that comes into my life, and that doubt that comes in is like are you sure you're doing the right thing? Are you sure you want to keep going? Are you sure you want to expand and not only focus on coaching individuals, but now you want to go and teach this to corporations, to the small and medium-sized businesses, to the businesses that are people-centered and mission-based? Are you sure that you want to do that? Because we said we were doing coaching and we were going individuals, but now this whole other big aspect, are you sure you want to do that? Yes, I'm sure that I want to do that. Why? Because we don't always leave home at home and work at work. Let's be real. They cross and so, therefore, we need to be able to have a good environment, healthy environment at work just as much as we need to have it at home, just like our kids need to have a healthy. So of course it makes sense to get into these organizations, to get into small, medium-sized businesses, to get into churches, to get into these education centers to teach trauma-informed awareness.

Speaker 1: 9:29

But not just that, but to teach the ODE method Overcome, discover, elevate, but of course, that little self-doubt be like oh you know what. Instead of taking action, empowered action to get that booking, I need you to go over here and I need you to edit this. I need you to go answer this email. I need you to go and schedule content instead of reaching out to that business owner. Instead of reaching out to that business owner, instead of reaching out to that school. And y'all if y'all have any context for me to get into the school, y'all hit your girl up, because I've been trying my best to get into these schools to teach these trauma-informed workshops to the teachers, to the parents, to the students, all age appropriate and all information that they need to have. For people who need credit hours, I have workshops that will give them continuing education credit hours, but anyway we're going off somewhere. Continuing education credit hours, but anyway we're going off somewhere.

Speaker 1: 10:56

But self-doubt comes in. But I don't allow that to continue. I don't allow me to continue to procrastinate. Instead, I start pulling things out my tool bag. Okay, what does that say? Over there, you're going to grow through what you go through. Okay, we're working on a faithful transformation over there. God is within her and she will not fail over here. How many requests have you sent over there? How many follow-ups is over there? What income producing activities have you completed?

Speaker 1: 11:40

Today is right there. Today is a great day. You are intelligent. It's time to focus. Smile is beautiful. You can do this. You are worthy of the rewards. You are loved. I am freaking in love with you.

Speaker 1: 11:59

Did you pray? Believe in yourself? What does that say? You don't got to be perfect, you just got to show up, be still and know. Do I need some faith? Let me pull a card Hope. Let me pull a card Comfort. Let me pull a card Love. Let me pull a card Remember where I started.

Speaker 1: 12:27

Let me read my book. Need some activities to do to change my mind. Grab the empowerment coloring book for women. Let me do a check-in with the positive affirmations and the I'm grateful for and something I'm proud of, and I want more of this and less of this and my favorite moment of the day and tomorrow I look forward to Coloring affirmations, coloring pages. Look at this, it's on and on Living my best life.

Speaker 1: 13:22

Take a moment for meditation, take a moment to be grateful for what I have. Take a moment to say, yes, you can do this. Go wash dishes and come back and start over dishes and come back and start over. Listen to my mind vision map. I do these things. The things that I teach my clients, I do myself.

Speaker 1: 13:48

It's not about you will never have self-doubt or you will never have fear or you will never feel rejected or anything like that. It's about having the tools to help you through so you can continue to move forward with true transformational healing. Not move forward in the place to where you're just taking it and you're burying it so it can dig its way back out for later. No, because one thing that I know is that, oh, I may be like, oh, that's going to be hard, but you know what. I know I can do it, I know I can conquer it and I know it's mine and it's time for you to have that. Don't allow self-doubt to continue, chipping away at who you are, chipping away at the things that you can do for you. Okay. So if you are still saying, what if I fail? What if I'm not good enough? This is for you. And if you know someone who is saying what if I fail, what if I'm not good enough? This is for them. Share this episode with them right now. Download this episode, send it to them, hit the share button and put it in your group chat. Have you done it yet?

Speaker 1: 15:19

Now let's talk about some avoidance behaviors. When we are experiencing self-doubt, some of the things that we end up going to do, we start procrastinating. You remember that I mentioned that we start procrastinating. We start focusing on low priority tasks instead of taking action. We want to take empowered action, right. And then what we also do is, when we're avoiding a situation because of self-doubt, is that we let others take the lead on projects on our lives and we turn down big opportunities. Don't turn down your big opportunity. We even start over preparing but never actually start. Does that sound familiar? Have you ever said, oh, I want to do this and you prepare for it? You prepare for it, prepare for it, but you ain't never started. What about that project you want to make? Are you still preparing for it, or did you take action? Is it done yet? You are experiencing emotional exhaustion and regret. You watch others succeed while you yourself stay stuck. Another one is you feel like you are meant for more, but you are way too scared to act. Don't be afraid. It's time for you to act.

Speaker 1: 16:46

The root cause of self-doubt a lot of times come from past experiences, something that you learned growing up. You see a family member that lives in the realm of self-doubt, or you have someone constantly telling you that they doubt that you can do something, or you see that people don't really believe in you, so that instills self-doubt. You're growing up in an environment. You grew up in an environment where mistakes were punished and not embraced. So you may have been beat for a mistake, but you didn't have the discussion on why the mistake was a mistake and what could you do better next time right? Could you do better next time right?

Speaker 1: 17:33

It comes from societal pressure, so from friends, co-workers and TV. It comes from unrealistic expectations. So you think that everything has to be perfect and aligned and in order in order for something to succeed. But since it's not perfect, you don't take action, you play small, you have a fear of being too much or being extra. Own it, Own that too much, own that extra.

Speaker 1: 18:08

You have a fear of rejection and failure. You have this hidden belief of if I fail, it means that I'm a failure. No, if you fail, it means for you to get up, analyze it and go again. Okay. Then we have subconscious beliefs that keep us stuck Like I'm not ready yet. So then you stay trapped, waiting, okay, to feel like you're ready. Do you think that you're going to feel like you're ever ready for something that you're doubting or that you're fearful of? Are you really truly going to be ready or do you have to just be brave and take the next empowered step Again? Don't let perfectionism block you. Or are you the person that says I don't deserve success? You have deep rooted issues with worthiness. Let's work on that Now.

Speaker 1: 19:22

Self-doubt shows up in our lives and how we may feel, but it also hijacks our life and if you don't get that by just what I've previously said, it shows up in our lives, in our career. We start playing small. We avoid leadership roles. We miss out on growth. We stay stagnant. It's time to grow beautiful Relationships. On growth, we stay stagnant. It's time to grow beautiful relationships. We keep cycling this toxic relationship and we know we want out and we know we can have something better. We know we want to be better and if you had a partner who wanted the same thing, then maybe you can make it work. But instead you're settling for less and you're struggling to set healthy boundaries. Your personal growth stays stuck. There is no growth. You live in your comfort zone and you avoid challenges at all costs zone and you avoid challenges at all costs. So it's time for you to take empowered action.

Speaker 1: 20:28

If any of today's episode resonated with you, it's time for you to take empowered action. The empowered action steps that you're going to take today, with the ODE method in play, is you're going to overcome. You're going to recognize self-doubt as learned and not truth, because self-doubt is not who you are. It's a pattern that you've absorbed. It's a pattern that your neuroreceptors and your subconscious mind and everything knows to go off on. But we're not going to do that anymore. No more focusing and living in the self-doubt world Awareness. You're going to identify your self-doubt triggers. You're going to identify your self-doubt triggers.

Speaker 1: 21:24

So what I want you to do is, anytime that you find yourself seeing anything questioning yourself, any type of self-doubt shows up. I want you to take note of it. I personally find that it's easier to take note of it on my phone, because usually when it happens to me, I'm either in the car, I am in the store, I'm somewhere in the house, like it's not always where pen and paper is easy, but it's super easy to have my phone and hit the camera button and record myself, or go to the voice note and leave myself a voice note Like this is what I'm thinking. This is self-doubt and this is what I was doing before and after, and this is the thought that I was thinking about, or this was the action I was taking. So that way, you can identify your self-doubt triggers. It's time to be aware.

Speaker 1: 22:21

Okay, and then I want you to do a journal prompt. This one is going to say what am I afraid will happen if I step into my full potential? What are you afraid of? And, yes, you can be afraid of success. What do you think has happened? What about success are you afraid of?

Speaker 1: 22:41

Okay, I want you to really truly break it down, discover, find evidence of your capabilities. So I want you to list your past wins, whether they're big or whether they're small. I bought a house, or I wash the dishes before 10 o'clock. Like, seriously, big or small, sit there and do it, write it down. You know, I checked my mail this week. Instead of waiting three weeks like I usually do, I checked it in just a week. Like, celebrate any win that you have. I received a bonus, like whatever it may be, celebrate it right.

Speaker 1: 23:25

I want you to list your past wins to prove that you are capable. Then I want you to ask yourself what would I tell my friend in my situation? So, reframe your self-talk, go to the mirror and ask yourself if I was my friend, what would I tell myself if they were in this situation? Again, you can go to the mirror, you can voice record. I like to do a lot of recording so that way I can go back and I can listen to it, because there's a lot of things that you can learn by just watching your own body movement and the way that you communicate, elevate, reprogram, limiting beliefs through action and self-stress.

Speaker 1: 24:11

So take one imperfect action today. Progress over perfection. So identify one step that's an empowered action that's going to help you move forward. If you take this step, it's a step forward and I want you to take at least one today. Okay, when you take that empowered action, that imperfect action, send me a message. Let me know what that imperfect action was. I would love to know, I would love to cheer you on. And then we're going to rewire self-talk.

Speaker 1: 24:53

Replace I'm not ready with I am learning and growing. I'm not ready. Transforms into I am learning and growing. I'm not ready. Transforms into I am learning and growing. Then I want you to surround yourself with people who encourage risk-taking and growth, because, you see, self-doubt is a learned pattern. It's not true. So you can break free, you can overcome. Self-doubt is a barrier that's in your way, so you don't need permission to go after what you want, because you are enough and you have already given yourself permission.

Speaker 1: 25:43

Now, if this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it, share it with your group chat, share it on your Facebook page, share it on your LinkedIn, share it and leave me a comment or review. And if you're ready to break this cycle for good, to get equipped with tools, I want you to check out my Breakthrough to Authenticity program and, for a limited time, you can actually get free access to module one overcome barriers. It helps to recognize the patterns that are limiting you. It gives you action steps to actually move forward. We go into the, the neuroscience aspect of it and how our barriers affect our body, our mind and our spirit. So it's time for you to take action. Go, join the full Breakthrough to Authenticity six-month all-inclusive program where you meet with me weekly video lessons. You have activities to empower you, help you move forward, set you up for a life of success, fulfillment, purpose and clarity. And, if you're like, oh well, I just want to know a little bit more. Join the Breakthrough to Authenticity, module 1 free access. You can go to wwwcrystaljcom.

Speaker 1: 27:26

Forward. Slash Snoop Peek that's K-R-Y-S-T-A-L-J-A-E dot com. Forward, slash S-N-E-A-K-P-E-E-K. And remember that self-doubt does not own you, that today you're going to take one imperfect action to move yourself forward. This has been. Who Am I with Crystal Jane, episode 48, when your Mind Becomes your Own Worst Enemy? This has been. Who Am I with Crystal Jack, episode 48. When your mind becomes your own worst enemy? The self-doubt cycle and how to stop holding yourself back. See you next week.