Put Down that Phone and Blow Up your Sex Life!!

As Steph and I ventured off the beaten path on a recent getaway, we discovered that the open road can do more than just take you from point A to point B—it can unravel the complexities of communication that lie dormant under the surface of everyday life. Our latest podcast episode peels back the curtain on these revelations we've encountered, both as partners in love and in business. Through an intimate discussion about the explosive 'emotional blasts' that shook us out of complacency, we invite you to explore the delicate dance of understanding and the art of meaningful conversation that's often lost in the cacophony of daily obligations.

On a seemingly ordinary car ride with our eldest, Katie, a spontaneous family discussion turned into a lesson in victimhood and personal responsibility, opening our eyes to the profound influence of technology on our relationships. This episode reveals how an unexpected plea from Katie for tech-free days echoed the need for genuine connection and presence—a challenge we, as parents, are learning to navigate in our digitally saturated lives. We share our insights on fostering family bonds, the struggle to set positive examples for screen time, and the importance of reevaluating our relationship with tech for the sake of our children's future.

We wrap up with a heart-to-heart about the underestimated power of regular date nights, sharing our approach to carving out sacred spaces amidst the chaos to nurture our marital bond. The episode also casts a spotlight on the struggles men often face in relationships, offering a beacon of support through the Chris Will program at sovereignsonscomau. Join us, Steph and Josh, as we reflect on the comfort found in addressing the uncomfortable and the strength that comes from embracing vulnerability within our most cherished relationships.

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:04

Hi, I'm Joshua Boroski and welcome to Man's Land, a podcast dedicated to the struggles and celebrations of men of the land, whether you're in a truck, tractor, yout or just kick it back at home. Buckle up, as Steph and I acted from Mary duo to cover some deep conversations across farming, family favourite thickness, correlating some challenging discussions that are essential for the men of this great country. So we're back from our little romantic holiday away. Steph and I have been away for the first time we've actually gotten away for like two years where we've just been, her and myself. Isn't it darling together?

Speaker 1 0:44

And what it brought up was quite interesting. See, what we tend to think about is that, as we think that in the hustle, bustle of everyday sort of stuff is that we're fine, that we communicate pretty well and that there's not a whole lot to discuss. But it's this funny thing that happens whenever we hop into the car is that the doors close and then the arguments begin and there's and it's on, yeah, and we, we argued for the first like three hours or four hours of the trip.

Speaker 2 1:16

I wouldn't call it an argument. I would just call it like a serious unleashing of things that needed to be said, that hadn't been said for the last two years.

Speaker 1 1:25

Yeah, like an emotional blast, also known as an argument. So it was like this. It was this. It started off with a little nitty-nitty argument.

Speaker 2 1:33

It wasn't a nitty-nitty argument.

Speaker 1 1:35

Well, it was a deep discussion.

Speaker 2 1:37

That was difficult to have, but we knew how badly we needed it.

Speaker 1 1:42

Well, there was that collision that we had to begin with. Well, I don't even remember what it was, something small, but it was probably something to do with the business or something to do with the dynamics of the corner, exactly. And then I remember that and I'm like how did you know this? And I've told you about this countless times, and yes.

Speaker 1 2:05

And then you're like no, I don't even know what you're talking about. You said something like this last Thursday and I can't even remember that something's wrong with my brain, and back and forth it would go. Then it would finally start to like reveal or expose where we were a little bit complacent or where the time sort of spent always having our mind in other areas and not actually having the space and time to dive into just us. And this is quite an interesting thing, because I get challenged inside of my circle within Warrior Week yeah, within my Warrior Week circle. Is that like Coach BQ? He would challenge me about not taking you on date nights?

Speaker 2 2:50

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 2:51

Thank you, coach BQ, for listening to that he said no, no, screw that, you should be taking you on date.

Speaker 2 2:57

And you're like, oh no, we don't need that.

Speaker 1 2:59

No, we don't need date nights. We do podcasts together.

Speaker 2 3:03

This is our date night people, apparently.

Speaker 1 3:05

This is where we get to you know we get to actually we actually get to talk. Okay, kids are in bed. You can't hear them through the brick walls, probably running a muck in their bedrooms right now. And this is the time where we actually sit down. We look at each other from over the microphones, deeply into one another's eyes, and then we just start to speak, whatever comes to mind, so romantic. Doesn't have to be romantic, no, just has to be real.

Speaker 2 3:34

Okay, well, actually this is so interesting to me because I have conversations with my friends quite often and I'm like, no, josh and I communicate really well and we're sort of pride ourselves on our communication and actually friends even hack us out for how much we talk. My sister in particular likes to, you know, make poke fun at it. She's like, oh, let me guess you drove all the way and you talked all the way. That's what she said to me and I was like, yeah, but she's right.

Speaker 1 4:05

She must be read minds, she believe me.

Speaker 2 4:08

Well, she's, she's what?

Speaker 1 4:09

she's believing you can read minds soft.

Speaker 2 4:15

Oh, you know, and I thought, but we were communicating really well, but, wow, there were so many things that we hadn't spoken about and it wasn't until we were in the glass cage of emotion of this car that we couldn't get out of, but, more importantly, that we didn't have three children in the background interrupting our speech that we actually started to get to the bottom of things which has not happened for so long.

Speaker 1 4:42

No, that's right. No, but it really exposed a certain amount of complacency that we were. We were sort of like it was that something we pride ourselves on by years. And I think that's where that sort of starts to settle in, because we think we're right, we think we, we don't have to, you know, we don't have to keep such a close eye on that sort of thing because we know we communicate really really well.

Speaker 2 5:07

But what gives us that illusion is the fact that we have passing ships in the night, kind of conversations, half conversations, and then we assume the other person has felt that they've been heard or that you have spoken what you need to speak, and really it's an illusion of a conversation.

Speaker 1 5:31

Because what we were talking about like I was absolutely astounded that you didn't know where I was coming from or you had such a little understanding around, like where I was going with the conversation that we were having. I can't remember what we were talking about exactly. Just about the farm and it was about the farm, the business and stuff like that. And, yeah, what we were doing with some of the things that were happening at the time.

Speaker 2 5:54

Yeah.

Speaker 1 5:54

And I was like how don't you know this?

Speaker 2 5:56

I was like I'm feeling very left out right now and you're like how is that possible? Like I tell you everything, yeah.

Speaker 1 6:02

I mean, don't you? Listen, maybe obviously you're obviously you're not listening. Obviously you're not paying attention.

Speaker 2 6:09

Which could be true as well. I'm not saying that part of the problem in that situation was that I'm not always paying attention to you, because sometimes, when you'll come in and you'll start speaking, it's on the fly.

Speaker 1 6:21

Yeah.

Speaker 2 6:22

You know it's like, oh yeah, by the way, we spoke about this, this is what we're doing. See you later, gotta go by yeah, and in that 10 seconds of that conversation there were also three children needing things. And so my attention was not fully on you or our conversation, so my memory of it is very vague.

Speaker 1 6:36

I think it's really. It's actually quite a big thing. This is like really about getting present, really being present when you're intentionally talking to one another. It's like being able to stop and go okay, everybody else, just take a breath, take a beat and then allow your focus to be on the person in front of you and talk, for it doesn't have to be long, it doesn't have to be a big, long, long drawn out conversation. Just has to be intentional and guess to the point and know that that you know you've heard one another, then that's it.

Speaker 2 7:10

And, for goodness sake, put your phones out of the room.

Speaker 1 7:13

That is exactly what I was going to say next, because this is a really big thing. I think this is one of the. It's an epidemic of adults little and children will get there in a second but adults in their relationships letting the phone get between them.

Speaker 2 7:32

Yeah.

Speaker 1 7:33

You know, you could, you know there could be so many so popular skit comedies around this, but the amount of time wasted where one partner or the other is talking and the other one is totally distracted about what the hell's going on. I mean, should I do it, okay, and you and you go, how many?

Speaker 2 7:53

times have been having a conversation and one of us equally. This happens to that we both do this to each other. Our phone will buzz and while your, while the opposite person is still talking, we'll sideline and read the message that's just come in. Yep and then we'll say, oh, sorry, sorry, this is just really important. I just have to get back to this.

Speaker 2 8:14

Yeah it's like. Not only is it the height of rudeness, it is the result of why we ended up in that situation that we did when we were in the car on the way. Hmm, yeah because we thought we had communicated these things to each other and we hadn't.

Speaker 1 8:31

That's right and it's. It definitely affects it. It affects the Like there are so many layers like it and be very interesting to get somebody on who knows more about this. It's like the science behind a lot of this and in the psychology behind a lot of this, but like, let's just talk about a face value of what these things are doing to our brains. For one, you know Like we're talking about now, it's just a distraction. It's a constant distraction. It's almost an addiction to go to a, a. It's a muscle memory that occurs as soon as it buzzes bang. It's like far out, you don't learn the piano, but you can sure as hell do this and you're not even thinking about it. I know for a fact that I have, you know, gone to turn my alarm off and ended up on YouTube. I'm like, how did my fingers just do that? What am I doing? Yeah, like, where did that even come from?

Speaker 2 9:25

Oh, even let's talk about the connection thing. Yeah, yeah the difference between when we went away at Christmas, yeah, and when we went away this last weekend.

Speaker 1 9:33

So for Christmas we went away. We went camping. Okay, we went camping over at Steph's mom's place, my mother-in-law's place, up in the mountains. No service, zero can't get it. You have to go hike up a mountain to get it, which is fantastic because it meant that the phones were basically used as tortures, and that was it. And or you could use them to play tunes.

Speaker 1 10:03

Great, but the but the rest of the time you were absolutely present yeah and there was that, was it like it took that whole thing out of them, out of the way, but the connection that we had, even though it was flat out busy with Well, busy with the kids it was camping, like you, know it was chaos, can be cleaning all the time like that was the normal thing.

Speaker 2 10:24

But we you and I- on. I don't even know what the the word is Like an energetic level yeah and an attraction level at subconscious level and a subconscious level.

Speaker 1 10:38

There's, there was some, there was something that opened in the back of our minds. That's sort of like was it was like it was it needed to be a let back into the game, because these things are basically head noise. They, they never stop. You never stop picking the thing up, seeing whatever it is, it's coming in. It's a perfect drug, because everything's it feeds your desire for significance all the time. It Gives you exactly what you think you want. All the time Message goes off oh, it's something for me, something on Facebook, something on Twitter, something on on on Instagram. It's something for me. Someone is giving this to me. What's the deal that I can take advantage of? What is it that that such and such is talk sending me? Now, what do I have to pay it? What can I be paying attention to? Okay, that is inside of this box, that's branching out inside of that world, believing that it's a microphone to everybody, and All the while it's distracting us from what the hell is right there in front of us. Shocking, it's disruptive and it's numbing.

Speaker 2 11:55

Yeah, I think that's a really good word for it. It's so numbing and you don't do scariest parties, you don't even realize it's happening Like we didn't. We didn't actually. You know what was crazy. We didn't actually have any Acknowledgment of how connected we felt at Christmas until we had Something to compare it to and when we went away on this last trip to the Hunter Valley and we were glamping, not camping, so there was lots of surface.

Speaker 2 12:23

Yes, there was lots of service. We were close to you know all the wineries and all the things, we were on our phones and we realized. We realized the difference between our connection, just even emotionally, physically, all of it. And it's scary that we didn't even pick up how good it was at Christmas, even with all the chaos that was happening around us. Three kids were there, you know, and then some because other people's kids as well, but we didn't even realize until we were completely on our own and then we were like oh, how come this isn't as amazing as that was?

Speaker 1 13:00

Do, or there was just something was missing. It was like there was a, there was a buzziness to our attention. Like you, you, you kept saying to me you seem on edge and I am on. I was on edge. It was like I was switched on, I was connected, I was plugged in, and so you, yeah, and, and there were lots of it was just like there wasn't any peace of mind. It was like and we needed to stimulate ourselves Constantly with something. You know, if we weren't sleeping, we were basically, you know, on something and that sucked because it did. It hampered our connection. It hampered the way that you and I interacted. We even felt it when we were having sex. It was something that sex was fantastic during Christmas. It wasn't not that sex isn't great anyway, but we noticed the market difference of oh, we were like at Christmas time.

Speaker 2 14:03

We were like don't know what that was, but it was unbelievable.

Speaker 1 14:09

But it was so subtle.

Speaker 2 14:10

That's what I mean. It was something that was unsaid. It was un. We couldn't fabricate that, it just was.

Speaker 1 14:19

Yeah, so this is like the head of this podcast Put down your phone and blow up your sex life. Yeah, that's right, basically, yeah.

Speaker 2 14:26

Oh my gosh. Like after a week of no technology around us, we were connected on another level. There were pheromones. There was all kinds of things going which to me. I don't know enough about what happens when we're around phones, but I just the evidence speaks for itself. It's definitely destroying something that happens between two people in a natural way.

Speaker 1 14:51

Yes.

Technology's Impact on Family Time

Speaker 2 14:51

And then when we were away on this trip. Yes, the sex was still amazing, but we both felt something missing when we compared it to our time.

Speaker 1 15:02

One of the things I wanted to cover inside of this as well, as a result of the time spent in Christmas when we were the kids and everything like that was very kid focused and we had to blow up with Katie, our eldest daughter, and the conversation that we had with her on the drive home and the depth that we Like, the patience, the presence, the oh the tenacity to stick to the conversation there was a lot of the resulting revelation that occurred for everybody inside of the car and that happened.

Speaker 1 15:45

I mean, she's not, she's a little girl, but this was just basically teaching her the fundamentals of what a victim is and how feeling sorry for yourself in the moment of something because you're not getting it your way will not only not serve you but it pretty much drops you into a pit of your own victimization. That's a complex thing to consider. As a child it's quite simple as a concept, but many, many adults don't pick this up. It's not an easy thing to pick up, but it was something that I know, for as a father, I felt very much required to be the leader in the moment and hold the frame and hold the space and hold Like it took us hours. It took us all the way up over the mountains, it took us about like four hours and but by the end of it, the lesson that she took away.

Speaker 1 16:50

That's a lesson that will last with her and it has lasted with her. It's not perfect by any stretch of the imagination. She drops into it quite a bit, but she knows something at the back of the mind that she knows, but that is a result of being present. That is a result of being effective as a leader, because you can be present on more levels. And what I feel is that a lot of the technology, a lot of the huzz and buzz and head noise that continuously bombards us through these bloody things, they shut that down. They break that down. There's no two ways about it.

Speaker 2 17:30

We're missing the nuances and we're not present for those. And even you know, tonight, just before we came in to do this conversation, our eldest said to me again Mum, could we just have one day where you and Dad don't have your phones at all and you put them like away somewhere where you can't get to them and nobody leaves each other and everyone stays together as a family and everyone just plays board games or hangs out? She wasn't even like can we watch a movie together? She just wanted to be with us have our attention.

Speaker 2 18:05

Very telling yes, massively, and I was like oh far out, because also something that we do and we did start was fireside chat on a Saturday where it's church which is our version of church, and we have that in the mornings and then we always called it family day. Saturdays was always family day and when we started we were taking the kids out to the forest.

Speaker 2 18:27

We were you know, just spending time with them, having that one on one time and, slowly but surely, things got busy things got busy and we started just letting them have a day where they were like lay on the couch and watch a movie, but we weren't with them. We were off watching our own movie or just sleep sleeping or whatever. So it was like now they they actually see the phones as a tool that is taking away their parents attention. And they actively ask can you get off your phone and come be with?

Speaker 1 19:01

me, which is fantastic. Yes, and but incredibly Exposing, exposing, yeah it is and and that's exactly what we needed. And it's funny because you, as you were saying, like we were talking about this on the way over, and you're like, no, we need to just make it a day where there is nothing. They, they, they. We just shut down the Wi-Fi, we shut off the phones, blah, blah, and I'm like, yeah, well, good luck with that.

Speaker 2 19:26

Josh is like no.

Speaker 1 19:27

Well, I'm not not, wasn't that I don't, I don't agree with it. It's that I don't, I never. I just see it's like it's impossible.

Speaker 1 19:35

No, it's like these big, it's like sort of setting these impossible goals right, and it sounds like this is not that impossible, all right, but it. But when you see how, how much we leverage these things throughout our days, throughout our weeks, throughout our moments, like just shutting off the Wi-Fi alone is hard. You know you're, you're waiting for a, for a call, an email, a message or something like that, you know a drop on on Vox or whatever it might be. Then you shut that phone. So you shut the phone off and you go okay, we're not doing anything like that. I'm like, well, I'd like to actually be able to watch me, because I'm actually never watch movies, I'm more than watch a movie once a week. If that, if that, I, I, I might. I usually fall asleep.

Speaker 1 20:24

Yes, but but the thing is is that, you know, the movie is not for us, it's for them. Okay, we throw on a film so that we can, you know, do our own thing. Like you said, they don't want that. They want our presence, they want our attention, they want that's what. That's what kids crave Like. It's one thing for us to get on a on a bandwagon about, you know, not having, not gonna give them a phone until they're 28 and they're not gonna have an iPod until they're 60, ipad until they're 64. Okay, those sorts of things and and laying down the law, with those sorts of things, you say Jesus, so bloody bad, and it is bad, like it's, it's, it's really.

Speaker 2 21:09

But Katie said to me today how come you get a phone, yeah, how come you're allowed to have screen time? And you've said to me I can't have any screen time. Yeah and then of course, I say because I'm an adult that's right and I can do whatever the heck I want. And when you're an adult, you can do whatever the heck you want.

Speaker 2 21:23

That's right so but she's she's holding a glass of wine and but she also was like but, mum, it doesn't mean that the screen's not bad for you just because you're an adult, and I was like Stab yeah, man so right, so true.

Speaker 2 21:40

And anyway, I think the point of all of this is Getting wet. Just bringing it back to where we were at the beginning of this conversation is we? We stumbled across so many of these things that we didn't realize was an issue that we needed, that needed our attention, until we had this space to just be with each other for a couple of days.

Speaker 1 22:05

Yes, exactly that's very true. It's it took. It took that, yeah, it took that space. It took that the time where you and I were just able to To branch off for a minute and take that beat and just be, and at quarters. Now I'm not saying that everybody's in that position to be able to do that right now, so I'm some. Some parents might have little kids and that's just the time that's where you're at.

Speaker 1 22:35

Yeah. So we're at that with that time in our lives where we can do that, yeah, it's just our doing that, but there are many that don't have that. They're just kicking off. So you know, I mean, I think that one thing that we could definitely take away from, from just that time away, was that we will listen to coach PQ and we will now have date night. Haha, yeah, date nights are important.

Speaker 2 23:04

Well, I mean for people who or podcast. That doesn't count For people who have little kids and where these things are next to near impossible, and especially for people on the land. Absolutely if we have date night, inverted commas. It's sitting at our kitchen bench in the kitchen, and that's because we're not going anywhere. There is no dinner, it's it's classic, it's like this you know, like I've been hearing.

Speaker 1 23:34

We had date nights for years now because of like the circles have been running with stuff like that and like these salesmen and Whatever okay, and majority of them live in like semi-superb yeah, right, yeah. And so date nights is, you know, take your wife out, yeah, get a babysitter.

Speaker 1 23:51

And yeah, get a babysitter and go, and, and, and go on a date night, sit, you know, across the table from one another, be served for who? Lovely, lovely, right, takes us two years to do something like that. Yeah, it's just very hard to achieve out here. So it's a like well then just take it down the back paddock. I'm like, yeah, right on desk, you want to go down? Like that it like at the moment. She doesn't want to do that. It's 42 degrees and there's more flies and.

Speaker 1 24:25

Darling listen date night now down back. We're going back to the shearing shed paddock. All right, you're gonna love it.

Speaker 2 24:32

You're gonna love it, yeah, candles may die, but but not to say that. Okay, as simple as it is and as Maybe this is all excuses, by the way. We're just having to laugh as as humble, as as Humble as sitting across the kitchen table from each other is, or going out and sitting on the veranda in the night air on the David and having a conversation. It's still enough.

Speaker 1 24:59

It's still the connection and the time that you need it's the intention that you put behind what it is that you're doing.

Speaker 2 25:05

Yeah, because I'm interrupted, or if it is interrupted, that's okay and you come back to it.

Speaker 1 25:10

Yep, throw your phones in a fish tank.

The Importance of Regular Date Nights

Speaker 1 25:12

Yes okay and go and sit out Somewhere kids asleep, yeah and give your souls the gift of time and space that you need to be able to Reconnect and whatever it is, it's happening your week and you know to speak about things in the day now, like we Wake up early and we've been trying to get into the habit of, you know, spending just half an hour in the mornings, yeah, no, just sitting, reading, praying and speaking before anybody wakes up, before we do our workouts and stuff like that. Just a little bit of time to connect and that's nice as a little daily kickoff. We don't get that in the evening so much, but like at least once a week on the on the weekends you know once the kids go to sleep that you know we sit out.

Speaker 1 25:54

We will now we will now go and sit out. Coach BQ.

Speaker 2 26:01

And and and we will, we will have a date night but I think, you know, anybody Listening to this could say, oh, I can't do that because I it's too hard with the kids, or it's too hard because we live in the middle of BFI, toho, and that's what I would say is that it's okay that it's not. It's okay that it's not perfect. You don't have to eat dinner, you know, just have some cheese and check in you know, Just, it's just wine.

Speaker 1 26:28

If you want to check in together or have a cup of tea together.

Speaker 2 26:31

You know just anything. Just anything. Because when it is not intentional, like you said, when I'm trying to have a conversation with you or vice versa, and yet we still have said, okay, but we're gonna have our phones in our pockets, yeah. The intention is not there.

Speaker 1 26:48

Exactly Get rid of all the things that are gonna be a distraction for you in that moment. It's about really coming together with space, because what fills that space are things like phones. It's like having the TV on in the background. It's like you know having three or four drinks before you do it, okay, and you're a bit fuzzy in the head or whatever it might be.

Speaker 2 27:08

I was gonna say people find this quite challenging to begin with yeah. But it's like you know a married couple that's been married for 30 years and then their children leave home and all of a sudden they're like oh, now it's just the two of us Awkward, we have fallen out of touch with each other. And you know, really, that's what phones do? They give a buffer, they take away all the awkward spaces. If there's a lapse in the conversation, somebody pulls up a reel and everyone has a good laugh.

Speaker 1 27:36

Yeah, and that's the other thing it's about, like we can we constantly get fed this idea that we have to be having pleasure all the time and we chase it Like a poke If it's having pleasure in, you know, like, just having a laugh, being entertained. You know few drinks. You know, like what happens if we don't have. You know we're out of wine or out of beer or whatever it might be. Okay, well, what else are we gonna do together? Well, no, it's like actually have those conversations that you need to have.

Speaker 2 28:05

Get comfortable being uncomfortable.

Speaker 1 28:06

Yeah, get uncomfortable with each other again, because it's like reintroduce yourself yourselves into each other where you're at today, not like it was a year ago or 10 years ago. 20 years ago, however, it is that you've been together, but today, where are you at today?

Speaker 2 28:23

I think people don't do that because they're scared that the other person might not like them anymore.

Speaker 1 28:27

Maybe you know and sometimes Could go back.

Speaker 2 28:30

Or you know, or that's what happens when you leave it for so long. Like to even think that we went two years without taking that time for ourselves is scary, because time flies by so fast and when we're not intentional about these things, that's what happens.

Speaker 1 28:48

So much has happened in two years. Huge amount, huge amount, and so it's that.

Speaker 2 28:53

And you could sense that when we got in the car we were just like, oh my gosh, we need to sort some stuff out.

Speaker 1 29:00

Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 29:01

And here we were just rolling along with the illusion of communication and it really wasn't there because the intention hadn't been behind it.

Speaker 1 29:09

There was a lot of pent up. There was a lot of pent up feelings, a lot of emotion. There was a lot of things there that we needed to sort of like and they came vomiting out of us. I know it was vomiting out of me, yeah, it was like come on, wow, what that's nice graphic, needing to get it all out, needing to release a lot of attention and then bring it down.

Speaker 2 29:36

Oh, my gosh felt so much better.

Speaker 1 29:37

Yeah, it did so much better it sort of it, sort of can't be afraid to collide. That's the one thing is like we're not afraid to collide. We trust our relationship to the point where we are happy to collide Without anything getting in between that. Nowhere to run inside of a car when you're driving along, when it's just you two, Nowhere to go Like, collide and then get to the bottom of why does you feel the way you feel?

Speaker 2 30:04

Yeah.

Speaker 1 30:05

I mean, I think that that is a good place to be within your relationship. If you're not there yet, then take a step at a time. Maybe there's some things you need to look at in your own personal mirror.

Speaker 1 30:17

Okay, the mirror is going to sort of, you can have a little bit of self reflection about why you feel the way you feel about her or him in that way. Maybe there's some things you need to sort out and then bring that together so that they start, you start to build a transparency again, you start to build a vulnerability and you start to recognize the gift of matrimony again and so that it binds something that is strong, they can withstand all the things that are coming, because there is going to be things that are coming around the corner. There always is. It's really naive to think that it's always going to be cruisy, that there's always going to be all the food you need in the fridge and things like that. It's just not true. Hard times will come. Winter is coming, winter is coming. You know like there are always going to be hard times that will come around the corner in so many different ways.

Speaker 2 31:11

Yeah, and I think the you know, the two main things that you have is the bond with your spouse and your bond with God. They're the two things that you cling onto, and having that strength in your marriage, having that strength in your relationship, is everything, and it supports strong families. It supports strong, confident children. If you guys fall, then your crew falls and you get disasters all over the place, which is what we're seeing everywhere. So it's all I know. We kind of joke about it, a bit like saying, you know, just sit out on the back deck, but it could not be more important.

Speaker 1 31:57

Absolutely.

Speaker 2 31:57

And it might sound like a passing suggestion, but after learning what I learned this weekend, I will not be letting it slide by so easily ever again, because it is like the frontline of defense. It's the frontline of making sure our family stays together and our family is healthy. And that we're aware of what's going on with our children and each other and our businesses and all the things. If we don't do that, everything else falls.

Speaker 1 32:27

And then that causes trauma for all. Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 32:30

So this is like the utmost importance.

Speaker 1 32:32

It really is.

Speaker 2 32:33

Even though when you start, you think is this really necessary? Because I kind of saw you on and off all day today. Yeah, you know, especially in the farming world, you might have been working with your spouse out in the paddock all day and think that that's enough, but it's not, because the intention behind it is incredibly different.

Speaker 1 32:52

Yeah, you could just focus on other things. You're focusing on the job at hand, you're focusing on the kids, you're focusing on your phones it doesn't matter, you're focused. Your focus is not settled, settled crosshairs on you guys. Yeah, yeah, exactly On each other. So, therefore, the outcome is not going to be relevant for your relationship. So get onto it.

Speaker 2 33:24

Yeah.

Speaker 1 33:25

Yeah.

Speaker 2 33:26

That's our big lesson that we learned this weekend.

Speaker 1 33:29

So date nights to yours truly, yes, yeah, you know.

Speaker 2 33:36

In whatever capacity you can manage In whatever capacity you can manage.

Speaker 1 33:38

Yeah, and there isn't any. There's no excuses for that. There's only as many excuses you want to put in front of yourself. That's the truth, like I put excuses in front of me. Oh, no, no, we've talked, and blah, blah, blah, blah. We don't need the, just as we've said we don't need the date nights. But this trip away has taught both of us that there is something that we need to implement Stand, we need to implement it for our kids. Yeah, we need to implement it for each other. We need to implement it for our business. Going forward, things that we need to talk about. You know the dynamics of everything that we're going through inside of the family business, the farm. It doesn't matter where you're at in that, okay.

Speaker 2 34:22

Especially in farming, these things go. There's so much that goes on in the farming world, in business, in the paddock, in the markets, in up and down of the fluctuation of everything. Like you guys are carrying a lot on your shoulders and you internalize that massively. And if you don't have an outlet or you don't have a place where you feel safe enough to express those things, that's when all of a sudden the wife wakes up one day and is like what's wrong with my guy? How come he's depressed, gone into himself, whatever it might be Detached, detached Distant.

Speaker 2 35:01

Not engaged with his children. Not present with you and I know that's like we're talking about one thing, but to me it's just. It is so intrinsically connected and it happens massively in the farming world, because you guys tend to take a lot on your shoulders.

Speaker 1 35:17

Well, we prioritize it Because we make the link, like we've said before, that the significance is derived from our ability to produce. Okay, because producing for our families, we tell ourselves a story that that is what we are here to do. We love you and the way we show our love is by providing for you, providing for our children, providing for our wives. Okay, that's the story and that is enough. We say, okay, that's enough.

Speaker 1 35:45

It's not, it's not at all, it's only a portion of anywhere near enough, because, in the same breath, we're ignoring the gift, the gift of our children, the gift of our wives in the moment, like Sean McDonald's book, okay, he states this. So, like sex, love and Jesus, he, he states this so very well. You know where a man's focus can be so easily determined, like, distracted away from the gift that is his wife, okay, and and instead he's, he's trying to search for being substantial inside of his business, to be able to validate his own self through the eyes of the world, through the eyes, through serving the God of money, okay, believing that that's the thing that's going to fulfill him. It's a very close link and All the while.

Struggling Men in Relationships Seek Help

Speaker 1 36:43

She gets left in the background. So you know, that requires a man to recalibrate his view of his relationships, his view of his priorities, recognizing that what he has right here in front of him is not necessarily a guarantee for tomorrow. It is early now, so, disallowing or not allowing your business, not allowing anything really to sort of prioritize over the top of that gift of the relationship that you have right in front of you, I think it's a really important thing to to take into consideration. That's why we're having date nights, honey. Yes, You'll be so proud, Chris. And that's a wrap for today. If you enjoyed our conversation and if you're a man that feels like you or someone you know struggling inside the areas of relationships, be that within their family, their faith, their business or in some of the business, then go to sovereignsonscomau and check out the Chris Will program Until next week. Have a great day. I appreciate you showing up. This is Steph and Josh signing off. We'll catch you next time. Turbines.