Mans Land.
"Men are born to be leaders. Good or bad, every man leads — his family, his business, his body, and his home as the spiritual head.
But in today’s world, that truth feels alien. Taboo. And as we’ve drifted from it, we’ve seen the results: fractured families, broken communities, men uncertain of who they are and what they’re for.
On the land, the challenge is clear — tame the soil, raise the stock, grow the crops. But the hardest battles aren’t in the paddocks. They’re in the pressure cooker of unhappy families, poor seasons, banks at the door, and a body breaking down. That’s when chaos reigns, and the question rises: ‘What’s it all for?’
Too many men try to answer that question without God. But He is the only certainty beyond what we can control.
This is Man’s Land — where we talk about the struggles, the victories, and what it means to lead as men under God’s design."
Mans Land.
State of Emergency, Sex in todays Society!!!
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The landscape of love and intimacy is changing, and we're here to navigate those often treacherous waters. Listen closely as we share a poignant metaphor illustrating the potential impacts of casual intimacy on our lives. It's an honest, raw dialogue that explores the significance of teaching our sons and daughters the sacredness of sexual connections and the journey to maturity. We're not shying away from hard truths, especially when it comes to redefining manhood and the powerful influence of family dynamics on young minds. This episode is a heartfelt exploration into shaping a future where respect and deep relationships are the norm, not the exception.
We round off our talk with the invaluable insights from "Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters" by Meg Meeker, emphasizing just how crucial the role of a father is in a young woman's life. It's a persuasive plea for parents, and particularly fathers, to step up and set the foundation for how relationships should look and feel. The call to action is clear: it's time we champion time, respect, and connection over fleeting pleasures, teaching the next generation the art of building healthy, fulfilling relationships. Whether you're a parent, mentor, or someone invested in the well-being of our youth, this episode isn't just a conversation—it's a movement towards intentional living and loving.
Navigating Sexuality in Modern Society
Speaker 1Hi , I'm Joshua Borowski and welcome to Man's Land , a podcast dedicated to the struggles and celebrations of men of the land , whether you're in a truck , tractor , ute or just kicking back at home . Buckle up , as Steph and I act as a married duo to cover some deep conversations across farming , family , faith and fitness , cultivating some challenging discussions that are essential for the men of this great country . Hi everyone , so it's been a little bit of a while since our last podcast , but we're back . We're back and we are on the attack . We're having quite an interesting topic of discussion this evening that I think everybody I think everybody every father , every mother , anybody really really should be sort of partaking in having a bit of a gander about . So , steph , I don't think I've really actually spoken to you about what it is that we want to talk about tonight in its entirety . You've only got the gist of it , really , and wanted to sing the song . Do you want to sing the song ?
Speaker 2Let's talk about sex , baby . Thank you .
Speaker 1So yes , it is , it's going to be about sex , but it's not just going to be about sex in that one spat Like we're not just talking about , you know , bumping uglies here . What are we going to start with ?
Speaker 2I'm really excited about this conversation . Josh has done a study on it and he's shared a little bit with me about it and I but I haven't .
Speaker 1You know , I'm actually not privy to the full conversation , so I'll be learning while you're learning everyone , I'm not going to be holding a lesson , we're just going to be talking about it and I'm going to be sort of shedding a little bit , okay , but I mean yeah , I mean I'm really interested and I'm really excited for this conversation , because what you have shared with me so far is just super interesting yeah it is . It is super interesting . Uh , it's pretty confronting as well . So um , let's , um , let's let's go straight into it .
Speaker 1So really , the reason that I think that this conversation is super expensive a super important , expensive important is because anybody has children like up and coming . Um , if we look into the look at the world and where we are going around this topic of sex at the moment , and we look at the way in which the world is telling us that we ought to be treating sex how , we should be approaching sex how and , and we look at raising our kids and , you know , coming up to those conversations as well , it's a pretty bleak overview .
Speaker 2Well , it's scary .
Speaker 1It's really scary because look at what's happening . There's almost this unleashing of sexual desires and proclivities all over the place at the moment , and anything goes . Liars and proclivities all over the place at the moment and anything goes Like you've got young girls out there with unfortunately very dark , dead , gray eyes who are just giving their bodies to anybody at any time , constantly and calling it freedom or calling it you know they're being what's the word I'm looking for Liberated .
Speaker 1Liberated exactly , which is hard to witness . It's really hard to witness when you see the damage that it's actually doing , and the more that you come to learn about this topic and the more that you start to dive into the effects of sex being just trying to take the intimacy out of sex and that it has no consequences , I think that it's really starting to show its own fruits .
Speaker 2Well , I'm sure we'll get to this . But also you said women just out there having young girls like out there having sex , and that look in their eyes of just not having that connection anymore . But what about all the young men that are doing that too ?
Speaker 1well , 100 . The reason that I sort of speak , I speak to women in this , is because I've got daughters yeah , okay , we also have a son I also have a son . There's no two ways about it . Um , but I , but there's something about um but we want to teach him yeah well , I want to teach him . To teach him what it means and how to protect and provide a space of security . But not only that . There's something very sacred about it , and that has not only fallen so far away from our society today it's , it's like it's gone , it's so gone , like there .
Speaker 1Once there was a time where there was a courtship and there was this . There was a process before anything to do with the physical act of sex . The sex was a result of , you know , a man being a man and him finding a woman that they connected and they shared values and they got to know one another and he provided space and security and everything like that , and was mature enough to then go into this zone of sexual intercourse which , would you know , eventuate to become , you know , pregnancy and the bringing of new life into society . But the foundations were already strong . There was already a certainty established inside of the woman that the man was not , you know , just there to get his rocks off and then take off in another direction .
Speaker 1That is just like take off in another direction . That is just like . That's like , yeah , it's old school . It's like , okay , grandpa , but I'm sorry , but it's . Look at what's happening . As a result of not actually having anything like this , we have got meaningless physical intercourse constantly . It's expected . It's happening at such a young age , like I thought we were young . No , like things have gotten so much younger again .
Speaker 2It is nuts , it's criminal , um , and it's like but even when we were young , like as in when you and I were dating , I still had friends who were having sex at 14 , 15 , 16 yeah , well , you know . So , like I'm just saying , it hasn't changed in the generations at all .
Speaker 1It's just no , that's not true , it has changed there . There has been , there's been a uh , the amount of um sexual exposure and the and the at the age um of young girls now and what they're expected to do has has come back even further .
Speaker 2And what boys and what guys are expecting of girls and what they think is the norm has also increased the exposure to this content has yeah , sorry , that is so true , like the , the introduction of oh something , something like tinder , for example , um any of those platforms . It's just become like you say , it's become expected , it's become this um thing that you do before you even know the person only fans , which to me is like it's so mind-blowing it is , it is , it is .
Speaker 1But , um , look , we can't go getting too bogged down and being mind-blown about what's happening and so shocked about it . It is what it is and it's very , very common .
Speaker 1Yeah , I'm really interested in what you've got . So this is where we're at Now . The whole idea of the conversation is what do we do about it when we even start approaching the conversation between us as mother and father and husbands and wives , and how we want to lead in this space ? What is it that we're going to take with us into this ? What equipment can we take into the gig , and how do we form a structured approach that actually is solid and strong and grounded in what is good , so that it has an assurance of the end result being good ?
Speaker 1So it's not just another notch on the belt , it's not just another chaotic moment in time where a man and a young girl and a young boy get together and do what they do and then it's gone . And then it happens again and again and again and again and again , because there's a consequence to that . There's physical consequences , there's emotional consequences , there's spiritual consequences , where you know it starts to overlay lots of different stories , lots of different emotional scars and things like that , and it's all done in the name of you know what you got to do to be a man , or what you got to do to be attractive , what you got to do to be a man , or what you got to do to be attractive , what you got to do to be worthy or valuable or loved , and it's so twisted um , and I think that this is a really important subject that we we need to careful , we need to talk about this .
Speaker 1So , um , yeah , so when , when I'm sort of looking at um , when we're looking at this , one of the things that I really wanted to get into was there are these five lies that we learned . Okay , you know , this is whoa there goes my phone . Um , this is something that needs to be um , you know , take a little bit um out and about and spoken about as much as possible and often as possible . So , um , the five , these five lies that the world tells us about sex . So what I mean by the world ? I mean um , you know , it's definitely . I mean it's definitely not biblical , it's definitely not coming from the word of God . This is coming from society . This is coming from it's basically the opposite of . So number one , the first slide , is that pleasure is the highest and only goal of sex yeah just a physical pleasure .
Speaker 2If it feels good , do it .
Speaker 1Yeah .
Speaker 2Like in that very shallow realm of what sex is about .
Speaker 1That's right , but it's also one other thing that really sticks out inside of this is that for a guy you make it about if I can make you feel good , then that's my job done , and then I'm a man . If I can't please my wife , if you can't please your woman , then what are you ? Then you're no good in the sack . This sounds kind of crass , but basically when you're a kid and you're a young guy and you're learning about all this kind of stuff , that's basically you know . That sort of gets you on the scale . You know it's . What does she say , what you're going to tell her friends , how does that make you sort of what's your significance and how good you are , and and are you going to be desired by other women as a result of that ? That's the cascade down , because that's what we sort of tell each other . That's what's important . It's a matter of if you're pleased by my performance . That means that I'm worthy to catch another one .
Speaker 2But that's really interesting because I didn't realize that that is what you guys do tell each other because , well , from conversations that I've had with lots of women over the time , it would seem that lots of guys didn't catch that memo . That wasn't like it was more about you pleasing yourselves and not pleasing the woman , because constantly I hear in sex and in relationships and something that women really struggle with is when their partners don't take that time with them and actually I guess get to know them well enough to have their wife or their partner really enjoy their time in bed
Understanding Passion and Sexual Freedom
Speaker 2together . Yeah , so it's interesting that you say that . I'm just saying like that's probably it didn't catch on with a lot of guys , that that is , I think well , it's , it's that they don't care it's okay .
Speaker 2Well , that's yeah .
Speaker 1That's the whole other thing I guess , like it's like the orgasm is the most important part . It's like like did you come ? That's it . And uh , or did she ? That was sort of your level , did she ?
Speaker 1and if she didn't , you're like well , we , you , basically failed well , you yeah , but you don't admit it , you just tuck it away yeah , you don't care you're like I'm not gonna let that get in the way of me having a good time and whatever I was gonna , that never happened , like , oh , it happened , but I I didn't like not do well , like I wasn't , like I wasn't good in in bed . But that's the high goal , it's pleasure . So that's that's where you put it up on that pedestal and so that's what the world tells you and that's what our . It's sort of based on the basis of fear and ego that sits inside of this space , especially from the younger area of it . But you know it goes back to day dot that you know it's how you perform , is how then you are judged , and that's how you show up as being a man that can pleasure his woman and vice versa .
Speaker 2You know and I think that's really . It's obviously that comes about by not having a deeper connection or a deeper understanding about the other realms that sex has to offer in a , in a relationship yep 100 .
Speaker 1um , yeah , which is something like , and we'll go into that a bit more as well . I think we'll loop around Yep , 100% , which is something like , and we'll go into that a little bit more as well . We'll loop around on this , because there's more to cover on that one for sure . Number two was passionate sex is only sustained by variety , so it's like , unless you're having sex in so many different ways and so many like if you're not having sex up on the , you know , in using all the different types of things and everything like that , like you can't you can't .
Speaker 1But you are about to say the pantry bench , yeah , the pantry bench or the kitchen or the office or the you know . Whatever you know , it doesn't matter . The the lie is that you can't have passionate sex by just having sex in your bedroom with your wife . Yeah , like it has to be .
Speaker 2It has to be raunchy , outrageous .
Speaker 1It has to be outrageous . Yeah , you know where's the passion . It's this idea that's really sort of flung about . I think it's flung about a lot in film and movies and things like that . You know , mr and mrs smith , you know , smashing each other up against walls , yeah , it's hot , um , but like , the more it's sort of seen , it's done in so many different ways and and all this other stuff that's like . You know , they bring that fire and passion to the screen . But is it real and is that what is that ? Is that it real and is that what is required to have passion inside of the bedroom ?
Speaker 2Are you asking me ?
Speaker 1Well , I'm asking , but I'd like to hear your point for sure for sure .
Speaker 2Well , I like it's really if that is your focus and that is your only goal , because you think that's how you get passion . To me , that's a result of being in a connected and passionate relationship . So , yes , there has been . You know , am I allowed to share this ? Like as in like , we have a very connected sex life and so , as a result of that , things like that do happen and there are those moments of crazy heated passion on the bench or against the wall Spontaneity .
Speaker 2Spontaneity , but we certainly don't run around with that as the end goal in mind to attain the passion that's right .
Speaker 1Well , that's this . You've got to reverse it . That's what I'm saying . It's . It's like the . It's like you're setting up the hill to go down backwards .
Speaker 2Um that made my head spin you .
Speaker 1You , basically you're saying you know you chase the variety to enact the passion . Yeah yeah , and the passion doesn't come that way .
Speaker 2Like you said , it comes from that connectivity , the chicken and the egg yeah exactly .
Speaker 1It comes from having that depth of relationship and understanding and vulnerability .
Speaker 2If you have that , you know , if you act that out , that passion in air quotes , I guarantee you it will feel empty and there will be nothing passionate about it if the connection is not there if the legwork hasn't been done first , if you're not in a healthy place in your relationship .
Speaker 2It doesn't just like wipe the slate clean of all of that , you know , or it doesn't just lead to a connectedness with your partner because you threw up against a wall and it was a hot time . That , yeah , to me it's definitely the reverse of that . That is the result of having a healthy relationship .
Speaker 1Well , that's that's , and that's the thing I think that I mean , if that's what you're into , like 100% but that's the thing .
Speaker 2Like there's the that it really I mean . If that's what you're , into 100% .
Speaker 1But that's the thing . It comes down to , these core elements around it itself , one of that being this idea of nakedness . It's not nakedness of physically naked , but naked emotionally and spiritually . Ask yourself the question are you actually able to be spiritually and emotionally naked with your spouse , with your wife ?
Speaker 2what would that look like ?
Speaker 1vulnerability , truly vulnerable , um , truly open and honest and um unafraid to to be able to , you know , have that to , to open up that pathway to oneness with each other . You know , like that is that , that , you know that intimacy that happens during sex , um that has a real meaning , meaningful and lasting effect on both parties . Um , and it's also like , uh , no , not just a confirmation , but it's a it's . It's like this , you know , addition is not the word , it's , it's like a building um between one another as well it's like it's , it's an expanding as well .
Speaker 1Um , that occurs when you , when we can be naked together , truly , you know , and not just physically naked , like that's the thing we get , so caught up in the flesh of it that occurs when we can be naked together truly , and not just physically naked . That's the thing we get so caught up in , the flesh of it all , yeah yeah .
Speaker 1Pornography . It's fleshy , it's this . It's like they give the illusion of passion , they give the illusion of connection , they give this . It's all bullshit . Yeah , when the real nakedness ? There's no real nakedness happening in those videos . Yeah , zero .
Speaker 1There is no spiritual , emotional nakedness happening inside of those . You get that through matrimony , you get that through trust , you get that through building a certainty within one another . You know , through leading in a good way , in a grounded way , and allowing that wholesome relationship to affect a sexual intercourse . That is true , that is good , that is , you know , that is naked and that then becomes passionate as a result of . As a result of .
Speaker 1So and I think a lot of this has to do with when you've got guys that think about sex in one way and that's the world's way . You know that it is . You know it's about pleasure , and pleasure only that . That's the highest goal . That you know . Well , we've got to do it in all these different ways and shapes and forms for it to be compassionate because she wants passion in it .
Speaker 1Yeah , yeah , that'd be . That'd be a bit of fun . So you know we'll chase that as well . Um , but the third thing is that is that true freedom , or sexual freedom , means doing what I want with who I want when I want to ? I mean , how much does that lie get promoted across the board Massively ? It is huge . It is one of the most loudly spoken messages that we're copying at the moment . It's like go do it , do it lots with whoever you want , however you want , whenever you want , kind of like when we were watching little miss sunshine last night and their grandpa .
Speaker 2He says to the oh yeah he said his advice to his grandson is to just fuck a lot of women yeah fuck a lot of women man . Yeah , that's the thing like as many as you can , many as you can don't do what I did .
Speaker 1you don't keep it just to one . Do it a lot you know like , and that's a comedy or whatever . Yeah , yeah , you wouldn't follow him because he dies of a heroin overdose . But you know , at the same time , that's still the message that's portrayed across the board . It's this promiscuity .
Speaker 1Promiscuity . Thank you . What is going on with my tongue at the moment ? It's getting in the way of my teeth . I can't pronounce anything . But that's the thing that society likes . It's that carnal desire that is sort of slipping in . It's like that animal instinct that we want to just go for it Feed . Yeah , exactly , we want to take , take , take .
Speaker 2Yeah , and I don't know , correct me if I'm wrong , but I do also believe that women have more to protect in this . I believe that we are more vulnerable in sex and that we definitely are giving a piece of ourselves to someone in that exchange .
Speaker 1That's the dead-eyed look that I'm sort of talking about . It is that and it's everywhere .
Speaker 2Well , can you explain the DNA thing that you learned about , because that's very interesting , whether it is or not .
Speaker 1it's honestly theoretical , so I'm not going to like oh , okay , I don't have a whole lot to do to back that up , but basically it's this whole idea that , um , that as you , as you have sex with a man , um , it imparts something into you , like like there's a , there's like almost a , a dna exchange that happens . And every time you do that it basically starts to make a block occur for your you know ability to actually um connect with someone to partner with someone , to truly partner with someone , without there being .
Speaker 1You know , it's like there's a something happens , um , and if it's , you know , if , if you know , like you see these girls that that go out there and they , they're having sex with 40 , 50 different guys , um , 60 , 70 different guys , you know , like , whoa , that's a lot of , that's a lot of guys a lot of guys .
Speaker 1How is she supposed to sit and be in partnership with you know , in a real meaningful make it way with one guy , and how is he supposed to be able to trust her in that same space ? It erodes , it takes away something so foundational that it sets up . It's setting up our daughters to fail inside of their marriages , inside of their relationships . It's it's preparing them for a a life that is constantly chaotic , because no , man also .
Speaker 2But I'll just add as well that it's not like you said . How is a guy supposed to trust her ? It's also how . How are women supposed to trust men in the opposite ? That's what I find . It's like you're talking about women who are willing to give themselves to so many men . Well , what about the men who are ?
Speaker 1willing to . There's no two ways about it .
Speaker 2I think it's more prevalent in the opposite
The Impact of Sexual Intimacy
Speaker 2way .
Speaker 1But what you were just saying and I'm just sort of explaining because you read with the DNA . This is about our daughters and stuff like that . So I'm talking , I'm talking to this woman facing at this moment . So I'm not , I'm not , uh , I'm not giving you guys . No , no , no , no , no , no , actually and I'm sorry that .
Speaker 2Thank you for clarifying that .
Speaker 2I forgot that , um , but I'll just add to that I don't know about the dna thing and maybe that's true , maybe that's not I , but , um , when we were having this conversation the other day and I was talking to you about the woman who I watched when I was younger and her name was Pam and I can't remember her surname , but she did a video called the price tag of sex and I'll just never forget this lesson that she taught , and she speaks to young women and young men in high , in a high school setting , and she gets a big piece of duct tape and she gets one of the guys up and she sticks the duct tape on his arm and then she rips the duct tape off and of course it brings a little bit of skin , a little bit of you know hair , a little bit of everything with the duct tape , and then she says okay , and then you think that you jump to the next guy and you put that duct tape on his arm and you rip that off again .
Speaker 2Pretty soon , your duct tape , it's not sticky anymore , that's right .
Speaker 2And it is full of a little bit of everybody who you've been with , who you've given a piece of yourself to , and there's nothing left to give at one point . You know , and I just never forgot that as a young woman , and it was such a great way of explaining what happens when you enter into a sexual relationship with somebody , especially if it's , you know , if there's no depth to it and we're talking like just one night stand after one night stand after one night stand the act of it is .
Speaker 1It is intimate regardless of however it is . It is exceedingly intimate , like um , it doesn't matter if you're kissing or you're not , it doesn't matter , it's another person is going inside of you .
Speaker 1That's right , so don't like , don't cheapen that , like it doesn't matter if you decide to cheapen it or not . It's happening regardless . It is what it is and it is exceedingly intimate . Um , and so many people will just go ahead and excuse it and say whatever it's just you know . Stop making such a big deal of it . I'd have you know I defend my sexual freedom . Things like I don't care , so what ? Go for it , go for . That's the case . This isn't going to stop you from doing whatever it is that you're doing .
Speaker 1But I think what we're seeing as in the fruits of society and the fruits of that kind of thinking and that way of behaving is chaos If we're not teaching our boys to truly recognize that it is to be a man first and that it is not once you have sex that you are a man or that you're pleasuring a woman , that you're a man or anything like that , that you're actually able to be the man first , once you are you know , once you are that man , established , you know , and then you may be gifted a woman as a you know , as a partner in your life , that she will , you know , be there with you throughout your whole life , till death . Do we part , you know , like that's it , then sex is the result of that combination . It's not the other way around , but the world is pretty much doing it on the opposite slope .
Speaker 2It seems like such a big concept though , especially for young men , to wrap their heads around . You know , like at that age and you're speaking about that now as a 35 year old man looking back but you know , if you thought back to that time when you're young and hot-headed and you know everything is about sex and it's all everyone talks about , like it's , it's all your , all your friends talk about , you know it's very difficult to be the um , the level guy in that situation , because you've also got hormones running wild and you've got testosterone through the roof yeah , you're wanting to prove yourself .
Speaker 1You've got an ego the size of of you know tasmania . No , that's not very big one australia of western australia . Um , you know , you , you're , you're sporting all these
Changing Culture
Speaker 1things . The issue is is that the foundation and the culture that we set ourselves and set this conversation is has to change within the household , if anything , start within the household .
Speaker 1Yeah , you know , like that's where it should start . If you're a father , or if you're a husband and you're hearing this , start that there , you know . If you don't know where to start , recognize what this means , what marriage is in accordance to what you know in a biblical worldview . You know , have a look at what the Bible says about what intimacy ought to be like , what marriage is and what it is not , and so that there's a grounding . You know you've got to put your roots in something . You've got to found yourself in something . Got to put your roots in something . You've got to found yourself in something . Uh well , you found it in the world and see the result of the world . Or you found it in god and and see the result of that .
Speaker 2Um , oh and like I just feel it's such a responsibility , it's such a responsibility of parents , like you say , to start in the home and equally teach young men and young women , you know , for the young men to respect young women and for young women to respect themselves , for crying out loud in that scenario , you know , and to not be to be equipped also with the confidence to know that they are loved and not feel that they must give that away to gain love . And you can only get that from having a strong , you know you can't only get it from having a strong family , but it goes a long way when you don't feel that you're chasing the love of your dad .
Speaker 2basically , which is what a lot of young women are doing in those scenarios , because they feel rejected by their fathers and they're trying to find that in another man and you know if you are a dad listening to this , just remember that responsibility is on you to make sure that your daughter knows that she's valued and what it means to be treated well by another man .
Speaker 1Otherwise she has nothing to go off that's right and I've just dropped that in there as well . Um , for , for any fathers with , uh , daughters , um , that are , you know , currently , you know , going through this conversation or looking at this , whether it doesn't matter how old they are either . Um , strong fathers , strong daughters . By meg meeker , mika is a fantastic book worth reading and considering . I've listened to it on Audible as an audio book and it is profound . Some of the things she has to say . She's a psychologist , she's a child psychologist and a pediatrician , and , um , but the but , but , the , the actual um , the frames and the conversations and what she speaks about , um , they are very , um , they're very spiritual , they're very , they're very , you know , steeped in good groundings .
Speaker 1It holds every father to account . You want strong daughters . You better be a strong dad and you better know what that looks like . And if you don't , you better go looking , you better go search it out , because if you want your daughter to enter into a good , fulfilling , wholesome relationship with a man that can be trusted to provide , protect and preside over her and keep her and your grandchildren safe and in good stead and happy , um , then you better be a good , strong father . You're going to set that up because you're the most important man in her life , 100 percent , um . And if you , if you're not prepared to do that , then you know , like don't have sex . Don't have sex if you're not prepared to do that , like if you're not prepared to actually be the father , to actually be the leader of your daughter oh , you mean don't risk the pregnancy ?
Speaker 1don't risk it .
Speaker 2Yeah , like don't risk it . I was like what ? Yeah , I know that was a bit of a jump , but but it's like that's .
Speaker 1That's basically where my mind just went , like yeah you're not prepared to be a strong father , then do not do the action that will result in the possibility of bringing a life into this earth . Like don't do it , um , because that is so entirely irresponsible and I'm not saying that from a place of judgment , that's just the fact like look what's happening , like look at the results , um , it's , it's startling and it's so , so , sad , like it's . It's it breaks your heart when you hear about these awful things .
Speaker 2And it's not , you know , it's the way that man is , um , and you're not going to fix it overnight no , but like you said , it starts in the home and if we , as parents , can be across this and actually , um , be intentional about it and , like you say , and go searching . If you don't have the answers , go searching because , um , it's , it's only going to change if we change it with the next generation that's right , yeah , and the culture has to change .
Speaker 1Yeah , the um , the fourth , the fourth lie is that sex as early in a relationship as possible is the target and the goal . You know , it's true . It's basically what everything points the arrow towards . If you want to have a meaning relationship with somebody in your life , you gotta have sex . I mean , haven't you even had sex yet ? Like you know , that's , that's the idea . It's like no , well , hang on a second what if ?
Speaker 2what happened to getting to know somebody ?
Speaker 1yeah , what happened to that ? What happened to taking your time ? Why does it have to be the immediate carnal desire being sated before like , like being um , the most important thing that ?
Speaker 2That is interesting actually that you mentioned time , because there's no slowing down today . Everything is fast and it's very , it's seeped in , it has seeped into everything .
Speaker 2You know everything is rushed , everything is shallow , quick and um on speed . And you think about the courtship of someone back in the day where it's like letters to each other , getting to know each other , or even you know , like when we were young we would be on the phone to each other for hours and hours and hours , driving your mother insane . Um , just getting to know each other . And I think , probably like because we had that long distance relationship , we spent a long time genuinely working each other out before we were intimate with each other in that way yeah , that the that was the one thing I was very grateful for with .
Speaker 1Actually , what my dad told me is that before we get married , before I even consider asking you to marry me , it was make sure that you have all the conversations that you need to have that you speak what needs to be spoken as you ask what needs to be asked , like don't leave stones unturned until there is a certainty inside of that space . Like that . Like do the work .
Speaker 2Yes , do the work another great point like time and actually putting in the effort , doing the work , actually sitting with that and not rushing , because everybody just is interested in um the quick fix or the end goal in mind and we have very little patience for um delayed gratification nowadays . Yeah , it's like a sickness in our society , you know , and trying even like when we watch our kids watch something and they it's over stimulation .
Speaker 1Yeah , it's like what we're talking about with the kids and , like you know , watching the movies and stuff like that . Oh , like when they watch home alone .
Speaker 2They . They want to skip to the part where the guys break into the house . They don't want to . They don't appreciate watching the story unfold .
Speaker 1That's right too slow for them now like I put on willow there and they don't like it because it's too . There's too many slow parts yeah but it's like but hang on a second . Don't you understand that you need the slow parts to offset ? Enjoy the good yeah so you need to take the time and allow those , those quiet parts and the intricacies of it to affect the other parts . But it's like everyone who wants to watch Transformers now , where it's just like pedal to the metal gas all the way , all the way to the end .
Speaker 1from the beginning it doesn't stop .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1It's so monotone .
Speaker 2And that's what I was going to say too . It's so indicative of what has been created by this society , by our culture , and that actually we have to be on guard as parents . I mean , we talk about this all the time , being on guard as parents , what we allow our children to watch , but even in that sense , as in , there's no ebb and flow in a film and , as simple as that might sound , it's actually training our children to have no patience yeah to have seven minute episodes of bluey , even though we love bluey rolling over quickly , quickly .
Speaker 1No ads in between if it's not bluey's pepper pig or something like that .
Speaker 2Oh , just episodals , yeah and you know like we , even as um people in our like mid-30s , will binge watch episodes and things like that . And then there's TikTok and Instagram and all the things where reels are quick and it's fast .
Speaker 1Constant stimulation .
Speaker 2If people don't get to the point in four seconds , you've lost your audience . That's right . It's insane . And now we're seeing that seep down into sex oh , but so much relationship .
Speaker 1Society like no ?
Speaker 2I know I'm just saying , but we're training our children from birth to be like that . Yes , so if we're going to be responsible as as parents . It means waking up to that and actively doing something to counter it in our homes .
Speaker 1I suppose what we're asking is is like who's prepared to recognize there's a problem ?
Speaker 2Yeah , like really Not just pretend that it is Not just pretend that there's not .
Speaker 1Yeah , and there is , like . And if you don't recognize that there's a problem before the problem is at your door , you'll be dealing with the problem when it is too late and the damage has been done .
Speaker 2Did you do the fifth lie ?
Speaker 1No . The fifth lie is sex has zero consequences .
Speaker 2I've heard that thrown around a lot .
Speaker 1There's no consequences , it doesn't matter , it's not a big deal . And that goes back to the conversation about how many times you do it . It puts a blocker for the actual capacity to partner up effectively . There are trust issues . There are all sorts . There's all the emotional issues that come with are all sorts . There's all the emotional issues , um , that come with it . But there's all the physical issues that come with it as well . Yeah , the the you know the abortion rate through the roof through the roof .
Speaker 2Well , even just like I know that , not just a physical , but even if you just look at the physical and um , you know , and STDs or STIs , whatever they're called now and how that affects women , this is the thing that it's usually the woman in that scenario who will suffer long-term for that , because it'll affect her ability to have children , for example , and that's massive . That is so , so massive . And you think , oh yeah , I , when I was young , felt the need because I wasn't led , you know , by a strong father and by a supportive mother in my life , and I felt the need to feel love from somewhere else and I slept around . One day you're going to wake up and say , oh no , I can't have children because I made that mistake . It's heartbreaking and you know , that's what I feel . I want to protect my daughters from the information that they are continually bombarded with , that is telling them to have sex as much as you want , there's no consequences and it won't matter .
Speaker 1As much as you want , wherever you want , however you want .
Speaker 2It's a lie , it is it's a lie and actually stands to steal something from them very , very precious . There is a cost , massive cost . There is a cost the .
Speaker 1The other thing , the thing that I really wanted to note out there , um , as one of the real mitigating points of this is is really , where are you getting your certainty from ? It's this , you know , like , we're trying to get certainty in sex . Men are trying to get certainty in sex . Women are trying to get certainty , uh , as a result of being the objects of sex . Um , that's why , you know , only fans has become a huge thing . Um , but like but . But guys , they think they're going to get the certainty from the sexual gig , the sexual game with women . How wrong that is . So , you know , parents , provide your young boys with the means to be certain men , like men of certainty inside of other things inside of what is good and not what is of sex and women and making other things the goal .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1Because if that is what their object is , if that is what their focus is , that's what they'll chase . And that means be careful with your language , be careful what you expose them to , be careful how you think that it's all right to have a joke and a jibe around about women in a certain lewd way .
Speaker 2It's not right .
Speaker 1I know I've seen men do that with young boys before and it makes me cringe like you know , there was a reason for gentlemen , there was a need for a reason for like , a noble way of behaving , and this idea of chivalry , which is so dead , like it's . It was there because the object of of a like what a young man was supposed to do , you know , was to know that the woman , or the girl , was to be protected , that femininity was to be protected , it was to be guarded , and and that the man , being masculine , was to stand vigil against those things that would , you know , lead her astray or threaten that the , the beauty inside of that , um , that's gone . It's gone , it's like , so gone and look what's happening . It's , it's shocking . So I think that , as a whole , we need to really start realizing that this is a problem . That's why we're talking about it .
Speaker 1Yeah , there is a massive problem and it's , if it's not realized now , you'll realize it later . Um , and that to , to for for , um , fathers and and mothers to , to move their sons to find certainty in what is good , aka , aka , the bible , a biblical worldview , um , find certainty inside of that and not inside of sex and and women , and be aware of the lies that the world and that people are and the media and they're trying to push , trying to push against all of us . Yeah , recognize them , be really vigilant about that , because otherwise what are we doing with our stewardship of our children ? Yeah , exactly what are we ?
Speaker 1doing , and that's a wrap for today . If you enjoyed our conversation and if you're a man that feels like you , or someone you know is struggling inside the areas of relationships , be that within their family , their faith , their fitness or inside the business , then go to sovereignsonscomau and check out the Crucible program Until next week , have a great day , appreciate you showing up . This is Steph and Josh signing off . We'll catch you next time .
