The Power of Oxygen 1st
When my son was little, I was a single mom who was doing it all alone. I was putting everyone else first and my own needs last. To everyone around me, I was successful but little did they know that my success was tied to pushing, stressing, sleepless nights and early morning workouts pushing my body and my limits to the extreme. Until one day I was flying alone and nearly crashed an airplane and I realized that I needed to take care of my own needs first before anyone else. You see, when you’re a pilot, if you have any issues in the plane, you put on your oxygen mask 1st, not your passengers. They need you to land the plane.
This podcast is all about this journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart… and stepping into them with courage while leaning into, asking for and receiving support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live: a life filled to the brim with epic ADVENTURE.
The Power of Oxygen 1st
EP 63: I Refuse to Get Sucked into the Divorce Shame Spiral
Shame and divorce - two words society tries to convince us are inseparable. After finalizing my second divorce last week, I found myself at a crossroads: surrender to the shame spiral or claim a different narrative entirely.
The truth hit me like a revelation while celebrating spring training with my son in Phoenix. Divorce wasn't my failure - it was my arrival. For too long, I'd accepted breadcrumbs of love, convinced myself that proving my worth would somehow make someone choose me. The painful realization? It was never about anyone else choosing me. It was about me finally choosing myself.
When I walked away to protect my heart and my son, I burned everything to the ground that no longer served me. I divorced the version of myself that tolerated less than she deserved. I divorced the woman who quieted her needs and dreams. This past year brought intense healing as I rebuilt my life in full alignment with my true desires - baseball games, slow mornings, intense workouts, and the simple joy of motherhood.
What a difference a year makes. Last spring, a breathwork session showed me a future filled with rainbows and joy - one I knew meant leaving my marriage. Today, I'm back at spring training, my heart simultaneously broken and fuller than ever before. I've stopped betraying myself for comfort or belonging at all costs.
If you're walking through transition, grief, or rebuilding, know this: your story isn't over. You're not broken - you're just arriving. Sometimes the bravest thing we can do is refuse to let shame write our stories and instead celebrate our courage to choose ourselves.
Follow me @dot_rock_ on Instagram if this resonated with you, and don't forget to download my new hiring ROI calculator from dotrockconsulting.com to discover how receiving more support could transform your life. Remember - always put your oxygen mask on first.
Want that FREE Hiring Return On Investment Calculator?!
Subscribe to the Power of Oxygen First podcast on your favorite podcast platform and never miss an episode!
- Book a Coffee & Connection Call
- Free Gift: Learn How to Hire a VA
- Connecting the Dots - 1 Hour Strategy Session with Dot Rock
Connect with Dot
Instagram - www.instagram.com/dot_rock_
Hey guys, this is the Power of Oxygen First podcast and I'm your host, dot Rock. I am an entrepreneur, a mom, a stepmom and a scaling consultant who is obsessed with the art of hiring, support and that dirty word we call delegation. I'm a recovering perfectionist who pushed my body and my limits to the extreme until one fateful day I learned that, just like pilots, I needed to take care of myself first. This podcast is all about the journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart, stepping into them with courage and leaning into and asking for support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live. Well, hello my podcast friends. Happy spring break, happy spring training, spring Training, welcome back to the Power of Oxygen.
Speaker 1:First, I'm Dot Rock, and today I want to talk about something again deeply personal and something that so many of us have experienced ourselves or witnessed in someone we love. I'm going back to the divorce. I'm going back to the divorce. My divorce is officially over. It ended last week and that brought up a lot of emotions Shame mostly, and of course, like I've known, I was getting divorced for the past year, but having two divorces under my belt definitely stirred up some things. So I think the biggest two emotions that got stirred up were shame and slow self-confidence. But I've been thinking a lot about it. I've been working out and pouring into myself and we are now down here in Phoenix at spring training, which is our favorite thing to do and I've been thinking about divorce and shame and how society tries to wrap us, tries to wrap us, them together, into both, like they go together, and that's not my truth. And I can get sucked into that spiral pretty quickly, but I don't want to. And so, yes, my divorce was finalized last week and there were some thoughts about this. But they didn't feel comfortable to get sucked into the shame spiral. So I've been doing a lot of thinking about it.
Speaker 1:Here's the deal I was married, I poured myself into it, I truly believed it would work, I truly believed I could do more to make it work and it did not work out. That's the truth. And here's another truth it doesn't actually feel like a failure to me. Yes, it was disappointing and yes, I wanted it to work. But here's what I don't want. I refuse to get sucked into the divorce shame spiral. I could sit here and let the weight of society's expectations just absolutely crush me and tell me that I should have done more, I should feel broken and that my family is somehow less than now my family of Dominic and I. But that's not true, because I don't feel broken and because I am not broken and because my family is not broken.
Speaker 1:The reality is I spent too long self-sacrificing, accepting breadcrumbs of love, moments of affection that were just inconsistent and confusing to my nervous system, to my brain, to my body, to my spirit. And that's not just from him that bread coming, was from myself too, and I allowed it. I thought it was my job to prove my worth, to convince him to choose me, to convince myself to choose me, and I thought that the breadcrumbs he gave me and the breadcrumbs that I ate up were love. But it was never about him choosing me. It was about me choosing myself. This is about me choosing myself. And when I finally did, and when I finally walked away to protect myself and my son, I burned down everything that no longer served me. In this last year, I mean I've burned it to the ground and I've dug really deep into the woman that I am, to honor her needs, her desires, her wishes. And no, I am not broken. I do not have a broken family. My heart is fuller than ever and I am rebuilding, slowly and in alignment and in alignment. Now is it hard? Yes, but I believe in choosing your heart. Divorce was not my failure. It was my arrival. I divorced the version of me that tolerated less than she deserved. I divorced the version of me that quieted her needs and her dreams. I divorced the version of me that forgot she was worth celebrating. And now, like I said, I'm rebuilding in full alignment.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of contrast between a year ago and today. Last year I was in Arizona for spring break, spring training. I did a breathwork session with my breathwork coach and it showed me my future. It showed me this life of rainbows and joy, and I knew that that future that I saw meant that I was going to have to leave my marriage. That was a year ago. I remember that day very clearly and it's breathtaking to think about. It was a really intense year. It was painful, it was stretching, it was healing. But ultimately, the emotions I feel the most now are relief and gratitude Gratitude that I took the hard steps, that I took the hard steps. Gratitude that I faced a really challenging situation head on, Because today I'm back here, I'm at spring training with just my son and my heart is really full. Of course it's still broken. Of course there's still pieces I'm putting back together. Of course I'm still very fragile, but last year I was here struggling to accept that I needed to leave my marriage and this year here I am, fully single.
Speaker 1:I decided a year ago to stop betraying myself for everyone else, for comfort, for belonging at all costs, but mostly at the cost of my own desires and my own needs. And a year ago was the day I stopped negotiating my self-worth with myself. So today I am just deeply stepping into self-love, self-celebration and increasing and improving my own self-worth. The truth is, it was really healthy for me to divorce. It was not a failure, it was not a transgression, it was a rebirth, and that's what I want my son to see.
Speaker 1:I'm really leaning into this moment, not as a loss but as a celebration, and I'm leaning into a new kind of marriage, but a marriage to myself. I'm meeting myself again. I'm dating her, I'm falling in love with what she loves Baseball, march Madness, slow mornings, black coffee, intense workouts, lifting, flying and the simple joy of being a mom and being with my son. What a privilege it is to have that relationship in my life. And my self-confidence is recovering little by little and I'm getting back in shape in a different way. And you know what the difference is. I trust myself, I trust this process, I trust me and I'm letting myself trust this process and I'm letting myself trust me and I will not. I refuse to let shame write this story. Shame has no place in my life, in this next chapter. I don't want to look at somebody and say, yep, I've been divorced twice and feel shame about that. In fact, it's a celebration.
Speaker 1:There comes a moment when you realize that no one else is coming to give you permission to live the life of your dreams. You get to declare that you are worthy of the relationships you desire, of the love you desire, of the belonging you desire you. You get to set the boundaries. Those boundaries, they're for you. So if you are listening to this, this episode speaks to you. If you're walking through a season of transition, of grief, of rebuilding, I just want you to know. I see you and I want to remind you your story isn't over. You are not broken, you're just arriving. Every day can be a fresh start. So if you want to continue this conversation, feel free to connect with me. Dot underscore rock underscore at on Instagram, and if you found value in today's episode, I'd love for you to share it with a friend who needs to hear it. But until next time, just remember put on your oxygen mask first, put your needs first. Chase those needs, chase those desires. If you want to live a life filled with adventure and love and connection, you got to put on your oxygen mask first.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, am I excited to share this new hiring return on investment calculator freebie that I have been working on for about six months. You're probably thinking what the heck is a return on investment? Well, that's when we take our revenue minus our expenses and it calculates how much return we get by investing in something. I've applied this very masculine concept to hiring and to the art of receiving support. And so what this little tool does that you can just go and download from my webpage, dotbrockconsulting consulting, calm. What you can do is go and download this and use curiosity 15 minutes total of your time. Go through this tool and it's gonna help you make a little bit of data driven decision making around hiring and why it can help you in either your personal or professional life. You don't have to be an entrepreneur, but you could be an entrepreneur and it's going to help you understand the impact hiring or delegating more or handing off more tasks or even not spending any money on this and simply asking for more support how that could change your life.
Speaker 1:I'm excited about this freebie and I hope you will go check it out. Download it. Dot rock consultingcom Enjoy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to another episode of the power of oxygen first podcast. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live, and I hope that you start leaning into the art of receiving support. I'm here to support you on that journey. Find me at dotrockconsultingcom or dot underscore rock underscore on Instagram. I'd love it if you'd go follow me and shoot me a quick DM and let me know what takeaway from this episode hit you the hardest, sending you love and adventures on this beautiful day.
