The Power of Oxygen 1st
When my son was little, I was a single mom who was doing it all alone. I was putting everyone else first and my own needs last. To everyone around me, I was successful but little did they know that my success was tied to pushing, stressing, sleepless nights and early morning workouts pushing my body and my limits to the extreme. Until one day I was flying alone and nearly crashed an airplane and I realized that I needed to take care of my own needs first before anyone else. You see, when you’re a pilot, if you have any issues in the plane, you put on your oxygen mask 1st, not your passengers. They need you to land the plane.
This podcast is all about this journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart… and stepping into them with courage while leaning into, asking for and receiving support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live: a life filled to the brim with epic ADVENTURE.
The Power of Oxygen 1st
EP 67: Rebuilding Confidence After Toxic Relationships
The journey to reclaim your self-confidence after experiencing a toxic relationship is both deeply challenging and profoundly transformative. Through raw vulnerability, I share my ongoing process of rebuilding self-trust and rediscovering my worth after leaving a marriage that left me questioning my reality.
When someone consistently undermines your worth through inconsistent behavior—complimenting you only in public while cutting you down in private—it creates a profound confusion that doesn't simply disappear once you leave. These experiences become buried under survival mode, only resurfacing when we finally have the space to process them. For me, this meant packing up my child and fleeing with just five minutes' notice, a moment that marked the beginning—not the end—of my healing journey.
Now, I'm intentionally "dating myself" to pour back into my own cup. True confidence rebuilding happens when we honor what WE want and need, not what others expect of us. Whether it's embracing my natural curls after years of straightening my hair for someone else's preference, or setting boundaries that protect my energy, each small act of self-honor strengthens that confidence muscle. Surrounding myself with safe people who see my worth has been equally essential, reminding me that healing isn't meant to be done in isolation.
The most powerful lesson? Confidence isn't about feeling ready—it's about taking messy action despite uncertainty. It's changing our inner dialogue from harsh criticism to compassionate encouragement. This journey isn't about returning to who we were before; it's about meeting a newer, stronger, wiser version of ourselves with open arms. If you're walking a similar path of rebuilding, remember: you're not broken, you're becoming. Take one deep breath at a time and whisper to yourself: I am worthy, I am whole, I am rebuilding, and I am doing it for me.
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Hey guys, this is the Power of Oxygen First podcast, and I'm your host, dot Rock. I am an entrepreneur, a mom, a stepmom and a scaling consultant who is obsessed with the art of hiring, support and that dirty word we call delegation. I'm a recovering perfectionist who pushed my body and my limits to the extreme until one fateful day I learned that, just like pilots, I needed to take care of myself first. This podcast is all about the journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart, stepping into them with courage and leaning into and asking for support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live. Well, hello my pod squad listeners. I hope everyone's doing well today. Okay, so I want to get really real and talk to you about confidence, because you know this whole concept of oxygen first is that we believe self-care isn't a luxury. It's actually for our survival, it's actually what keeps us alive. It's actually what keeps us alive. And today I want to just kind of open up about what it looks, been looking like for me to my self-worth and self-esteem over time. I'm just still really unwinding and it feels really vulnerable for me to open up and share that with you. But I feel like someone out there might need to hear this. I feel like someone out there might need to hear this.
Speaker 1:I did a good job in the marriage of not really losing myself, of still doing the things that I loved Not all the time, not as much as I would have liked to but I didn't feel like I lost the parts of myself that I loved. But I do feel like my physical self-confidence, especially in my looks, was pretty shattered and it's been hard to rebuild that. It's actually been hard for me to hear from men who are pursuing me or complimenting me. When they compliment me, it's actually been really confusing. But and it's funny because people compliment me and then it like sends me into a spiral the next day because I get so confused. That is not what the person I was married to said to me. It's not the way he looked at me. It's not what I consistently heard. In fact, what I heard was so inconsistent. So all over the board I was left doubting myself, and I think that's the whole purpose of when you're gaslit to really question your reality. What I do know is that healing is possible and that rebuilding confidence is possible. And I'm working on that and I just want to remind you that, just because it feels like you're broken, you're not, you're just becoming. We're just becoming and it's just a journey. And I also, like I don't think that everyone in all relationships intentionally plants these seeds that make us feel so insecure. And I look back and I think about when my husband said, if you gain five pounds, I should have had it in the prenup so that I could divorce you. Or just never complimented me, but then only complimented me in front of other people, when we were throwing a party or when we're around other people. It was really confusing because it was so inconsistent. And then I started seeking his approval and then I started worrying and then he complimented lots of other women all the time. So if I was pretty enough, if I was enough, if I was fit enough, if I was strong enough, he wouldn't have said those things. That's what I thought. I remember it. He wouldn't have said those things. That's what I thought. I remember it.
Speaker 1:Because toxic relationships, abuse, whether it's emotional, physical or psychological it really does erode our self-trust. It causes us to question everything and over time we just start to believe those lies that we're not enough, that we're too much and that we can't do this without them. And From what I know and what I feel, it doesn't just disappear. I feel like it gets buried under survival mode. And now, here I am, unearthing that and digging that back up and I'm just watching myself and being aware this self-confidence rebuilding is part of why I'm just dating myself right now. Self-confidence rebuilding is part of why I'm just dating myself. Right now. I don't feel wholehearted enough to share myself with anyone else and I don't want to share my time with anyone else but me. Right now I want to deeply pour back into myself. I want to deeply put on my oxygen mask and just keep choosing myself, because I don't want my confidence to just be rebuilt by someone else's words. I want that to be my truth. Of course it feels good to be complimented, but it feels best when that comes from ourselves and when it's true and when we know we're worthy of that love from ourselves. You know, leaving was definitely an act of reclaiming my power, but it was just one step and the real work has started after I left.
Speaker 1:I decided on March 20th of 2024 to leave, and I suddenly left on the 25th of March. I thought I was going to get my ducks in a row and I didn't. Things got bad and I had to pack up my kid in the car in five minutes, throw a few things in the car and drive away. Car in five minutes, throw a few things in the car and drive away. And that was a big step. But the real work has started after and now that it's final. The real work is just opening up more and more, and I'm willing to help myself with this self-confidence.
Speaker 1:One of the things I know is that self-worth and self-confidence they're like a muscle and when we do the things we promised ourselves we're going to do, like eating healthy or going to the gym, it builds that muscle up, and it actually builds up pretty quickly. You know, the brain is wired for familiar patterns, even when they're unhealthy, and so my brain has been going to these unhealthy places, in part because someone put me there with their words and I went down the rabbit hole, and so now I'm breaking free of that and yeah, it's scary, but it's also exactly where I need to be spending my time, and so one of the things that just really is helping me rebuild this muscle is to just honor what I feel like and what I need. And, in the moment, some boundaries um, even when I feel uncomfortable. And I've told you like, I'm relearning who I am and I'm spending more time with this new version of myself and I'm learning to compliment her and I'm, you know, looking forward to playing with new makeup and changing up the way that I dress to honor who I am, not to make anybody else happy, but just because I love it and because it makes me feel good.
Speaker 1:I remember I had a boyfriend once that really liked my hair straight, so I straightened it a lot. I hate straight hair. I hate having straight hair. I like it when my hair is curly, and curly hair is way easier for me because I wake up like this, right. But every once in a while it's okay to straighten my hair. I haven't in years and years. While it's okay to straighten my hair I haven't in years and years, except for like a blowout for a photo shoot, and I don't really love my hair straight. But sometimes straightening your hair is just fun. So I'm letting myself relearn who and what I want to be and what I want to look like, and you know like I love going to the gym, so maybe I'll get a few new gym outfits over time. I love going to the gym, so maybe I'll get a few new gym outfits over time.
Speaker 1:And another thing that I'm doing is making sure I'm surrounding myself with really safe people, people who don't make me feel like I'm not enough. You know, we know healing isn't meant to be done in isolation, so we have to find support, and that's sometimes through therapy and sometimes through a coach and sometimes through just a community that sees your worth. For me, I'm working with a breathwork coach and my business coach and we're talking about these ways that I have low confidence. One of those has been in like shifting one of the new business models in my business. I'm having some low confidence with that, and so I'm working through that.
Speaker 1:And then, you know, the next thing we really do is we rebuild our self-trust through these small little wins by taking messy action, because confidence is not about feeling ready. It's about doing that thing, whether you feel ready or not. It's about wearing the dress that's just a little bit too tight. It's about getting the designer jeans, even if you're not the size you want to be and continuing to work towards your goals, because small steps, they matter. Small steps towards what calls our hearts, they matter.
Speaker 1:So I think we need to make some decisions and stop second guessing ourselves, really show up for ourselves and really set boundaries to honor what we need and what we want, regardless of what somebody else thinks. If somebody else doesn't like you in Doc Martens, maybe you should wear them anyway. If somebody else doesn't like you in Doc Martens, maybe you should wear them anyway. We got to change our inner dialogues, because the voice that talks to me sometimes she's not that kind. She's like a devil, she's like an evil, redheaded monster, and our friends would never talk to us that way. And so we have to rewrite our narratives and the way that we speak to ourselves.
Speaker 1:Stop putting ourselves down. Instead of saying I'm broken, instead of saying I'm so fragile, what if I said I'm just learning to trust myself again and it's going to take some time? Because there's long-term impact of toxic relationships and there's long-term impact of needing to reclaim our self-worth. I mean, confidence is not just about feeling good. It's about feeling really safe in our own skin. It's about knowing that we will honor ourselves. It's about knowing that we're worthy of attracting healthier relationships, better job opportunities and a life that truly honors us. It's not getting about. It's not about getting back to who you were. It's really about meeting this newer, stronger, wiser version of yourself, and maybe that means recommitting to your gym routine and recommitting to eating healthier because you feel better not because your genes are going to fit any differently, but because you can talk kindly to yourself because you showed up for yourself. We don't have to become someone new, we just have to come back to ourselves. So if you happen to need any support on your journey, please feel free to reach out to me Dot underscore, rock underscore on Instagram or dot rock consulting dot com. And just always remember the power of oxygen first, because when we take care of ourselves, everything else follows, and I am here to remind you. Please just take one deep breath at a time and remind yourself I am worthy, I am whole, I am rebuilding and I am doing it for me.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, am I excited to share this new hiring return on investment calculator freebie that I have been working on for about six months? You're probably thinking what the heck is a return on investment? Well, that's when we take our revenue minus our expenses and it calculates how much return we get by investing in something. I've applied this very masculine concept to hiring into the art of receiving support, and so what this little tool does that you can just go and download from my webpage, dot brockconsultingcom. What you can do is go and download this and use curiosity 15 minutes total of your time. Go through this tool and it's going to help you make a little bit of data driven decision making around hiring and why it can help you in either your personal or professional life. You don't have to be an entrepreneur, but you could be an entrepreneur and it's going to help you understand the impact hiring or delegating more or handing off more tasks, or even not spending any money on this and simply asking for more support how that could change your life.
Speaker 1:I'm excited about this freebie and I hope you will go check it out. Download it, dotroxconsultingcom. Enjoy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to another episode of the Power of Oxygen First podcast. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live, and I hope that you start leaning into the art of receiving support. I'm here to support you on that journey. Find me at dotrockconsultingcom or dot underscore rock underscore on Instagram. I'd love it if you'd go, follow me and shoot me a quick DM and let me know what takeaway from this episode hit you the hardest, sending you love and adventures on this beautiful day.
