The Power of Oxygen 1st
When my son was little, I was a single mom who was doing it all alone. I was putting everyone else first and my own needs last. To everyone around me, I was successful but little did they know that my success was tied to pushing, stressing, sleepless nights and early morning workouts pushing my body and my limits to the extreme. Until one day I was flying alone and nearly crashed an airplane and I realized that I needed to take care of my own needs first before anyone else. You see, when you’re a pilot, if you have any issues in the plane, you put on your oxygen mask 1st, not your passengers. They need you to land the plane.
This podcast is all about this journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart… and stepping into them with courage while leaning into, asking for and receiving support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live: a life filled to the brim with epic ADVENTURE.
The Power of Oxygen 1st
EP 71: The Cost of People-Pleasing and the Power of Truth
Are you tired of saying "yes" when you really want to say "no"? Do you find yourself constantly putting everyone else's needs before your own, only to feel resentful and exhausted later? You're not alone.
The difference between self-abandonment and self-honoring defines how we show up in our relationships, leadership, and those critical conversations we have with ourselves. Self-abandonment might sound like "I'll just deal with it myself" or "I don't want to upset them," while self-honoring says "I'm allowed to express myself" and "saying no here is an act of love for both of us." One operates from fear, the other from love.
Many of us learned self-abandonment as a survival strategy—reading rooms, anticipating needs, avoiding conflict at all costs. But there's a steep price: our nervous systems remain in overdrive, we lose trust in our own voices, and resentment grows. Self-honoring, by contrast, is about healing. It's choosing to check in with yourself first, recognizing that including yourself in the equation isn't selfish—it might be the most generous thing you can offer the world.
When we show up with truth, we give others permission to do the same. Self-honoring doesn't mean bulldozing over others' needs; it means including ourselves in the consideration. And like any muscle, the more we practice listening to our hearts and bodies, the stronger our capacity for authentic leadership becomes.
Ready to transform how you show up for yourself and others? Before your next decision, pause and ask: "Is this choice coming from fear and self-abandonment or from love and self-honoring?" You don't need to get it perfect. You just need to get curious. Because you're worth honoring, every single day.
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Hey guys, this is the Power of Oxygen First podcast and I'm your host, dot Rock. I am an entrepreneur, a mom, a stepmom and a scaling consultant who is obsessed with the art of hiring, support and that dirty word we call delegation. I'm a recovering perfectionist who pushed my body and my limits to the extreme until one fateful day I learned that, just like pilots, I needed to take care of myself first. This podcast is all about the journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart, stepping into them with courage and leaning into and asking for support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live. Well, hello my podcast friends, welcome back to the Power of Oxygen. First, I'm your host, dot Rock, and today we're exploring something that shows up in our relationships, our leadership and our inner dialogue. You know those little conversations we have in our head with ourselves, with other people and I'm really noticing this in my world the difference between self-abandonment and self-honoring and what it looks like, especially in those conversations I have in my head and the ways that I'm navigating. Some of the hard in my life. I definitely have lived on both sides of this and I probably will continue to live on both sides of this, and what I do know is that I'm just starting to be more aware of what self-abandonment feels like versus what self-honoring feels like. Self-honoring feels a lot more aligned and it feels like it aligns with love versus fear, and I'm feeling like self-abandonment feels like it's full of letting fear be the compass. Okay, so let's start with some examples what self-abandonment would sound like versus what self-honoring would sound like. So self-abandonment would say I don't know if I should say how I'm feeling, it might upset them. Versus self-honoring would sound like they are allowed to have feelings. Does sharing this honor mine? How about this one? Self-abandonment would sound like I'll just deal with it myself. They probably already have enough going on, I shouldn't interrupt. How about self-honoring? It would say it's okay for me to ask for what I need, even if it sounds vulnerable. It's okay for me to take up space. Self-abandonment would say I'll say yes, even though I don't want to, because I don't want somebody else to be disappointed. And self-honoring would say saying no, here is an act of love for both of us.
Speaker 1:Do you see the difference? It's interesting because, as I look at it, as I examine this through my life, I notice that self-abandonment is a lot more of a survival strategy. It's something I learned really early on. I learned to read the room, to anticipate needs, to avoid conflict and to keep the peace, even if it meant silencing myself. But there's a cost my nervous system, our nervous systems when we do this, they stay in overdrive. We begin to lose trust in our own voices and we just start feeling resentful, disconnected and just plain exhausted.
Speaker 1:Versus self-honoring, instead of it being a survival strategy, it's more about healing. It's choosing to check in with yourself before checking in on anyone else. It's oxygen first. It's saying I matter too. And let me give you some more real life examples of the difference.
Speaker 1:Here's a conversation example okay, self-abandoning would be, it's fine, don't worry about me. Self-honoring would be I'm feeling tender today. I'd love some space or a gentle check-in later. How about a business example, when you are thinking about accepting a new client? Self-abandoning says taking on a new client who's a red flag, and I'm taking them on because I need the money. Versus self-honoring would say I'm trusting that saying no to the wrong fit is going to create space for alignment for the right fit. Again, fear versus love. Emotional boundaries example self-abandoning. I don't want to upset them, so I'll just deal with it.
Speaker 1:Self-honoring I'm allowed to express myself with care, even if it brings discomfort. I just did that with a friendship and it felt like it gave me wings to fly after I spoke my truth, even though it was actually really hard to do. But I knew that there was more power in self-honoring my need to express that versus abandoning myself and worrying about what the other person would think. Okay, a time and energy example would be self-abandoning. Sure I can help, I wasn't doing anything important anyway. But self-honoring would actually say actually, I've been needing this time for myself, let's find another way, let's find another time. So I guess the question is to really pose to yourself. And what I'm posing to myself is what if self-honoring isn't selfish? It's because we were taught that it is. What if it's the most generous thing we can offer? Because when we show up with truth, we give others permission to do the same.
Speaker 1:Self-honoring doesn't mean we bulldoze over other people's needs. It means we include ourselves in the equation when, the more we practice yes, this is just another muscle that we get to practice the more we listen to our heart and our body and our intuition, the more we notice it becomes easier to lead love and live with integrity when we self-honor. So here's your oxygen first invitation Today, before making any big or small decision. How about you ask, is this choice coming from fear and self-abandonment or from love and self-honoring? And you don't have to get it perfect. Remember this is not about perfection. You just have to get curious because you're worth honoring every single day. So thanks for being here with me today and if this landed for you, I'd love it if you share it with a friend or leave a review. Your support means we can reach more people and passing this along might help someone else see where they're self-abandoning to. Until next time, keep putting on your oxygen mask first and come home to yourself with love.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, am I excited to share this new hiring return on investment calculator freebie that I have been working on for about six months. You're probably thinking what the heck is a return on investment? Well, that's when we take our revenue minus our expenses and it calculates how much return we get by investing in something. I've applied this very masculine concept to hiring into the art of receiving support. And so what this little tool does that you can just go and download from my webpage, dotbrockconsultingcom. What you can do is go and download this and use curiosity 15 minutes total of your time. Go through this tool and it's going to help you make a little bit of data driven decision making around hiring and why it can help you in either your personal or professional life. You don't have to be an entrepreneur, but you could be an entrepreneur and it's going to help you understand the impact hiring or delegating more or handing off more tasks, or even not spending any money on this and simply asking for more support how that could change your life.
Speaker 1:I'm excited about this freebie and I hope you will go check it out. Download itrocksconsultingcom, enjoy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to another episode of the Power of Oxygen First podcast. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live, and I hope that you start leaning into the art of receiving support. I'm here to support you on that journey. Find me at dotrockconsultingcom or dot underscore, rock underscore on Instagram. I'd love it if you'd go, follow me and shoot me a quick DM and let me know what takeaway from this episode hit you the hardest, sending you love and adventures on this beautiful day.
