The Power of Oxygen 1st

EP 88: What Happens When We Start Parenting Through Brutal Honesty?

• Dot Rock

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The moment when honesty breaks through darkness can change everything. After watching my son battle depression for nearly two years following a traumatic divorce and multiple hospitalizations for a toxic appendix, I witnessed a profound transformation sparked by one brutally honest conversation.

Standing on the sidelines of a baseball tournament, seeing my 12-year-old son struggle with strikeouts and limited playing time, I faced a parental crossroads: comfort with platitudes or speak the difficult truth. I chose truth, telling him I had provided every tool possible—opportunities to train, healthy nutrition, emotional support—but ultimately, he had to choose to use them. "I cannot force the change," I told him. "You have to want it." Though tears flowed and anger surfaced, something remarkable happened the next morning. He set his own alarm, chose protein over sugar, initiated training without prompting, and began facing difficult conversations he'd avoided for years. The light I'd been missing in him flickered back to life.

This experience reinforced what I've always believed: parenting isn't about perfection—it's about presence. Sometimes the most loving gift we can offer our children is honesty delivered with compassion, not sugar-coated reassurances. My ability to navigate this pivotal moment stemmed directly from my commitment to self-care and regulation. When we put on our own oxygen masks first, we can show up with clarity rather than projecting our fears or rushing to fix problems. If you're parenting through mental health challenges, know that your honesty might be exactly what creates space for transformation. Keep offering tools, being the example, and when the moment feels right, let truth flow through you with love rather than fear. Their shift may not happen overnight, but your presence creates the invitation they need to rise.

Curious about how this approach might transform other areas of your life? Visit dotrockconsulting.com to access resources for delegating with confidence and creating space for what truly matters. Let me know which insights from this episode resonated most with you!

Download my free Support + Breathe Calculator here: https://dotrockconsulting.myflodesk.com/hiring-calculator It’ll show you how much time and energy you can reclaim by letting go of what’s not yours to hold.

Remember: your energy is your greatest asset. Protect it, invest in it, and always put your oxygen mask on first.


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Remember: your energy is your greatest asset. Protect it, invest in it, and always put your oxygen mask on first.

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, this is the Power of Oxygen First podcast and I'm your host, dot Rock. I am an entrepreneur, a mom, a stepmom and a scaling consultant who is obsessed with the art of hiring, support and that dirty word we call delegation. I'm a recovering perfectionist who pushed my body and my limits to the extreme until one fateful day I learned that, just like pilots, I needed to take care of myself first. This podcast is all about the journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart, stepping into them with courage and leaning into and asking for support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live Well. Good morning, my podcast listeners. I hope that everyone out there is just doing so well and enjoying this lovely summer. We finally hit the summer solstice and I know the extra sunlight definitely reinvigorates me and helps me just in general in life. I like later walks at night and just I really enjoy the sunlight, so it's something that my soul deeply, deeply craves. But just I wanted to welcome you back to the power of oxygen first. As you know, it's the podcast where we really honor the sacred art of caring for ourselves first, so we can actually more fully show up for those that we love. As you know, I'm your host, dot Rock. I'm a mom, an entrepreneur and a truth teller, and so I just am here to tell you about another messy, magnificent layer of real life, my real life. And for me, this episode is tender and it's personal. And for me, this episode is tender and it's personal, and it is about parenting through depression, grief and growth, and it's about my son. He's my why. You know that, he's why I set up this business, he's why my life is structured the way that it is, because I am so deeply passionate about being present and active in his life and maximizing our time. I've got six years left before he graduates from high school and I am in it for all of it, and I love making those snacks after school for him and his friends, and I love that and that's my why. But you know, we've had a really hard year and a half, probably two years at this point, and so I just want to share this with you, because sometimes brutal honesty can just be a turning point for all of us, and that's what happened with my son and I this past week, and so if you've ever felt helpless watching someone you love, struggle, really, this podcast one, this one's for you.

Speaker 1:

So let's backtrack a little bit. Last September, my son was hospitalized with what we thought was an appendectomy. But you know, some of the mri showed one thing and his blood count, his white blood count, and his fever, and lack of a fever caused doctors to not actually operate, and so we were hospitalized, actually two times prior to the third admission, when the appendix was removed, and it was actually toxic. This appendix had gone bad. Sorry, I'm sitting here sipping my coffee. I caught up for 7 am Pilates this morning, you guys, and sweat my brains out and it was delicious. And now it's like 10 in the morning as I record this podcast and I'm just really enjoying this energetic shift of having sweated it out and now just sitting here drinking my coffee and opening my heart to you.

Speaker 1:

So, like I was saying, the appendix journey was really tough, and then he had multiple surgical infections and then his immune system was just really kind of shot after the whole situation. Now this came oh, let's see six months after my sudden divorce, where he and I were both blamed for most all of it quite honestly, and that, like blame and rejection from his stepfather, really was hard for Dominic to process amongst. He and his dad have never had a deeply connected relationship. I am not saying that his father does not love him, because he deeply, desperately loves Dominic with all of his heart, but his actions don't always show Dominic that deep commitment and connection in a way that a child wants and craves love. And I don't say that in a judgmental way, just that I'm watching my child experience that and I'm standing here trying to help him navigate that. So all in all, all of the stuff that happened after surgery and the surgeries and the hospitalizations you know four hospitalizations over eight months he spiraled and went into a depression that I didn't quite fully understand Because there was so much panic, there was so much clinginess. To me there was such a like hyper vigilance Of wanting to always be home and never go out. He was always afraid, afraid of more violence, afraid of more trauma, afraid of being attacked again and I won't go into those details because those are very private. But the fear was real for him and we finally decided in January, his doctors and I and his therapist, after a couple of months of once a week and sometimes twice a week therapy. He wasn't coming out of it and it was time to put him on antidepressants and I know I've shared this before on the podcast, just pretty briefly. But gosh, that was one of the most difficult decisions I have made as a parent.

Speaker 1:

I am not a real believer in pharmaceutical drugs. I don't take any myself and actually I just started my first. One of my first ones, the last one I was on, actually deeply contributed to my liver failure a couple of years ago. So you know I don't do well on synthetic drugs and my fear was that Dominic wouldn't either. But in January I put him on antidepressant and I watched him kind of start to come out of his hole. But his hole was really deep and I think, as his mom's standing beside him I don't know that I recognized quite how deep it was. I knew it was bad, don't get me wrong, but I still think on the other side where we are now, wow, was it bad? I was actually afraid to leave him, afraid he would, you know, possibly just do something dumb. And we started those antidepressants. But it wasn't a magic fix. But it opened a door and I watched him over spring break finally say Mom, I feel better, but I don't really feel anything. But I'm not feeling so sad all the time, I'm not so scared all the time. So it was spring break, you know mid-March. Now here we are, mid-june.

Speaker 1:

We went to Omaha for a baseball tournament all of last week and he's not getting much playing time this year. His coach is benching him a lot. That's a whole separate issue. For me as a parent it's very frustrating. But Dominic was crying after one of the games he struck out twice. He does not normally strike out. He's usually the kid that always gets on base. He's got a great getting on base percentage and it didn't go well for him. Right, it wasn't going well. He wasn't playing great and he asked for my input and I had this moment where I saw myself say, oh, you're okay.

Speaker 1:

And I also saw myself give him the brutal truth and maybe it was the exhaustion, but maybe it was just grace. But I spoke, the truth that he needed and I told him I have given you every tool I can give you. I have walked beside you, I have modeled, I have prayed, supported and nourished. But I cannot force the change. You have to want it. You have to choose it. I told him about how you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it. And I told him I have given him every opportunity to go to the batting cages with me every day, to practice baseball with me every day. I have a little workout gym at our house for him to work out every day. I have electrolytes, I have supplements, I've got protein. I keep healthy food in the house. But you know he has to choose it. He's 12 and a half and it's time for him to start making those decisions.

Speaker 1:

And it has been really hard to stand on the sidelines as he plays too many video games. And of course, I have limits in place, but they push your boundaries. And I told him. I said you've been choosing video games over being outside hitting off your tee. You've been choosing this and I hope that soon you'll choose differently. But until then, I'm here, I love you, I support you. I don't love you any differently. Whether you strike out or you hit a homer, I'm here. I'm't love you any differently. Whether you strike out or you hit a homer, I'm here. I'm here for all of it, but you're not putting in the work.

Speaker 1:

And boy did he cry. And I cried and he was really mad at me. But I held my peace. I said it calmly, with grace. And then the next morning he was different. He set his own alarm. He drank protein, he ate healthy, he went outside to train unprompted. He started initiating hard conversations with his dad that he has avoided for years. He started really facing it and processing it and it was like watching a light flicker back on and it has been really bright. Since a week ago now, since we had that conversation last Tuesday, he has been going through. He made his own morning routine, daily routine. He's just refocused his efforts and that my old boy is back and stronger than ever. He's put on 13 pounds in the last three weeks post his hospitalization for the terrible stomach bug. We got over Cinco de Mayo and he's back.

Speaker 1:

So what I know in my heart is that speaking my truth mattered and parenting isn't about perfection. It's really about presence. It's about showing up again and again and again with love, even when it's hard. But sometimes the most loving thing we can actually offer our children is honesty not sugar-coated, not wrapped in perfection, but rooted in truth and delivered with compassion. Sometimes that's showing them where we fail and where we struggle, so that they know we're human, so that they know we don't expect them to be perfect. And also I want to acknowledge and honor that my ability to have this conversation with him is rooted in me taking deep care of.

Speaker 1:

We get tired on these baseball tournaments, sleeping in hotels, all the travel, all the meals out, but I have some systems and rituals in place that help me stay as grounded as I can and know I am not perfect while we do these things. But putting on my oxygen mask first, taking care of my body, my energy and my nervous system, gives me the clarity to be able to be the parent I want to be and to help make these shifts occur, because it's the truth is is when I am regulated. I don't project my fear or try to fix. I just show up real, with grace and much steadier than I would otherwise. And I believe with all my heart that this is when change happens Really, when we have poured into ourselves over and over again and we are able to pause with our children.

Speaker 1:

So if you're in the season of parenting 12 and a half, almost teens for me where nothing seems to be working, I really see you. I know you're exhausted, second guessing every decision, wondering if you're doing it right. I really promise you you're not alone. We're all wondering. I would just say keep offering the tools, keep being the example and, when the time is right, let the truth come through you with love, with light, not with fear. They may not shift overnight, but your honesty might just be the invitation they need to rise.

Speaker 1:

You can also use this with your staff, with your team, with your employees, with your partner and with your friends. So if this episode resonated with you, I'd love it if you share it with a fellow parent or leave a review for the podcast. And if you're craving support, check out my monthly Oxygen First Circle a space for tired, wholehearted parents like you to breathe again. And until next time, keep choosing your breath, keep choosing your truth. You're really doing better than you think. Hi, my podcast friends. Your breath, keep choosing your freedom and they can help you delegate in your business and personally. And it's backed up by data. So head on over to dotrockconsultingcom to access the very first Oxygen First Hiring Return on Investment Calculator. You'll be able to finally hire with confidence, make some data-driven decisions, but also really shift into the mindset of receiving this support and how it's going to add to the bottom line of fulfillment and joy in your life.

Speaker 1:

I hope you enjoy it. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to another episode of the Power of Oxygen First podcast. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live, and I hope that you start leaning into the art of receiving support. I'm here to support you on that journey. Find me at dotrockconsultingcom or dot underscore rock underscore on Instagram. I'd love it if you'd go, follow me and shoot me a quick DM and let me know what takeaway from this episode hit you the hardest, sending you love and adventures on this beautiful day.

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Dot Rock

Host