The Power of Oxygen 1st

EP 89: The Sacred Balance of Motherhood, Business, and Breathing Room

• Dot Rock

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What happens when the buck stops entirely with you as a parent? When there's no tag-teaming school mornings, no every-other-weekend off, and every decision—from lunch packing to therapy scheduling—falls squarely on your shoulders? This is the reality of solo parenting that goes far beyond just being single.

Drawing from my personal experience raising my son Dominic, I dive deep into the critical distinction between single and solo parenting, exploring how carrying the full mental, emotional, and logistical load requires a completely different approach to self-care. As I've discovered through both triumph and struggle, when you're parenting alone, your energy creates the atmosphere your child breathes daily. If your air is filled with exhaustion and resentment, that becomes their environment too.

This revelation transformed my approach to motherhood: self-care isn't selfish indulgence—it's strategic necessity. By prioritizing my nutrition, sleep, exercise, therapy, and leaning on my village, I've witnessed how it changes the texture of our home. Even during our darkest moments—like when Dominic struggled with depression after multiple life disruptions—this commitment to putting my oxygen mask on first gave us both the strength to choose healing.

The journey hasn't always been smooth. I've faced the temptation to return to traditional employment, questioned my capacity to thrive rather than merely survive, and navigated the delicate balance of building a purpose-driven business while protecting our sacred connection. Yet through it all, I've held firm to the belief that I'm not just raising a child—I'm modeling a life. Every boundary I set, every passion I pursue, and every moment I prioritize joy shows him what's possible for his own future.

Whether you're a solo parent yourself or simply finding yourself carrying more than your share, remember: you don't have to do it all. Take that one small step toward honoring yourself first. Your desires still matter, and the best gift you can give your child is the example of a full, honest, joyful life lived with intention.

Download my free Support + Breathe Calculator here: https://dotrockconsulting.myflodesk.com/hiring-calculator It’ll show you how much time and energy you can reclaim by letting go of what’s not yours to hold.

Remember: your energy is your greatest asset. Protect it, invest in it, and always put your oxygen mask on first.


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Remember: your energy is your greatest asset. Protect it, invest in it, and always put your oxygen mask on first.

Speaker 1:

Hey guys, this is the Power of Oxygen First podcast and I'm your host, dot Rock. I am an entrepreneur, a mom, a stepmom and a scaling consultant who is obsessed with the art of hiring, support and that dirty word we call delegation. I'm a recovering perfectionist who pushed my body and my limits to the extreme until one fateful day I learned that, just like pilots, I needed to take care of myself first. This podcast is all about the journey to healing, to getting clear on the desires of your heart, stepping into them with courage and leaning into and asking for support. I hope you feel inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live. Well, hello my podcast friends. I hope everyone is just doing so well out there. Welcome back to the Power of Oxygen First. So if you heard last week's episode, you know we talked about that hard conversation I had with my son that really cracked us both wide open. I was deeply honest with him about where he was at and what he was choosing and how I had given him every tool, and it was his choice to step forward and do things differently. And here we are, two weeks into having had that conversation and he continues to just be on this upward trajectory of improving and really investing in himself. And it has been so deeply rewarding to watch this shift in my little boy, especially after the really hard year and a half two years we've had, and just remember that I had that conversation with him and it was filled with love and truth and it was about choosing his own healing and how, ultimately, each of us have our own choice to do that. And so I got a lot of feedback and a lot of responses about the fact that that episode was sort of driven around parenting. And now I'd say it was driven around parenting from the perspective of putting on our oxygen mask first and how that really shifts our ability to parent. So because of the popularity of that episode, I'm going to dive a little deeper into what it is like for me to be a solo parent to a boy and what the difference is between solo parenting and single parenting. So I've, you know, dove a little into Google and what that means and the definition differences and I just wanted to pause and share a little bit of that from my perspective. So let's just start with the definitions.

Speaker 1:

A single parent is considered to be a single parent as someone who isn't in a romantic relationship with their children's other parents. With their children's other parents it's kind of about relationship status. Now you can be a single parent and be remarried to someone else and still be navigating this co-parenting dynamic, but a solo parent is something else, kind of entirely. A solo parent can be a parent who's not in a romantic relationship with the other parent but carries the full mental, emotional and logistical load of parenting. So it's a situation where there's no every other weekend off, there's no back up in the house or tag teaming on school mornings. It is a I'm carrying all of the mental load and the buck stops with me type of parenting scenario.

Speaker 1:

Now in my world, dominic's dad still lives, contributes a little bit to his financial situation. It's pretty minimal, but he does and so I would say there's some solo parents that are even more of solo parents than I am, because they're widows or because their children's parent father or mother is 100% not in the picture, and so I would say ours is like a 5% in the picture kind of situation. But every single decision, every meal, every meltdown, every breakthrough, it falls on me. All of the school lunches, all of the decisions, all of the logistical planning to get in from point A to point B all of that is on my shoulders. So I am a solo parent.

Speaker 1:

I have full physical custody of my son. I make all the calls, I hold the space and I'm the one who remembers the picture day, the schedules, therapy cooks, the meals, sets the boundaries and stays up late at night Googling odd things like how to help a tween boy regulate his emotions. But I'm also the person who gets to experience all of the joy, all of the baseball wins, all of the losses, all of the travel, all of the moments, and I am the person that that little boy reaches out to when he needs someone. And I believe it is sacred work that that little boy reaches out to when he needs someone. And I believe it is sacred work. Yes, it is also relentless work. And I know deep in my heart of hearts, from experience and from my self-truth, that if I do not put on my oxygen mask first, we both will crash. It will impact both of us.

Speaker 1:

So solo parenting has taught me that self-care isn't optional, it's actually strategy, it's survival, it's leadership, it's sacred beauty, it's sacred beauty. And if you're doing it alone, your energy is the atmosphere your child grows up in, and if your air is filled with resentment and parent or co-parenting, they feel your exhaustion, your resentment and your depletion. Oxygen mask matters. Our oxygen masks matter to our children. I have really come to more than ever this year, deeply appreciate that when I fill my own cup, when I eat real food, get quality sleep, work out, go to therapy and lean on my village, it actually changes the texture of our home.

Speaker 1:

Again. Self-care is not a luxury. It's how we show up. It's how I show up for Dom, for what's possible, and it's how I remind myself I'm not just a parent, I'm a person. So Dom's my why, as many of you know. He's why I built my business the way that I did and he's why our life is structured like this.

Speaker 1:

I wanted to be the most present solo parent I could be and, yes, for a while I was remarried and he had a stepdad who helped with many things. But it's back on my shoulders again and it has been for the last year and a half and I have really toyed with going back to work, going back to working for somebody else and taking some of the financial burden off of me. Who even knows if I'll ever do that, but right now what I do know is that everything I do in my business, every client that I serve, every podcast that I record, every offer I create, is built around one sacred truth that Dom is my why. And he's 12, now almost 12 and a half, and that means I have six more years of school days, of drop-offs, of dinners, of heart-to-hearts and unexpected car conversations before he truly steps into a life of his own till he leaves me to go to college, and in that time period he'll be driving also, and that's pretty soon. So I want to be in it, present, awake, not just surviving this grind, but really soaking in this stretch of time.

Speaker 1:

Completely impossible. How could you possibly be thriving and doing it all alone? I have some strategies for that. I have made a lot of sacred rituals in our lives and I have chosen that taking care of myself first is not a negotiable. It is completely unnegotiable that I eat well, that I get my sleep and that I take care of myself and that I nurture the passions of my heart. That's flying, that's weightlifting, that's time in nature, that's stillness, that's coffee in my bed in the morning, and that's why I continue to build a business that feeds my soul. He sees it, whether I'm doing that or not, I continue to have a business that lets me thrive while also protecting what matters most to me Dominic and I's connection. I'm not here to hustle at the expense of motherhood. I'm here to build something that shows him what alignment looks like, because I believe he'll carry this into his life. I believe his experience in high school whether he pushes and pulls all-nighters or not will be, if he sees me doing the same. I want to show him what purpose looks like and what passion can create when it's paired with boundaries and with breath. This business is not just for me. This business is not just for me. It's for the version of him who's watching me become the woman I was always meant to be.

Speaker 1:

So remember, two weeks ago, dom was still in his dark place. He was filled with depression and anger and isolation, and I could have let fear run the show for me too, but instead I anchored deep in my truth and I reminded him that, while life handed him some really hard things, and me too his surgery, school disruptions, 16 weeks of missed school, a sudden painful divorce and split from his stepfather. I reminded him that he still gets to choose his response, while I've been reminding him through my actions that I choose my response too. And when I said it to him it wasn't just for him, it was for me too. I choose to shift, I choose to thrive through solo parenting and I choose to do more than just survive as a solo parent. I choose joy, I choose asking for support and help, I choose receiving that support and help and I choose not to martyr myself to prove I'm a good mom, because the best thing I can do for my son is to live a full, honest, joyful life in front of him.

Speaker 1:

So if you're listening to this podcast and you're in the thick of it, you're packing all the lunches, you're managing all the moods, you're googling all the answers, you're financially carrying it all. I see you and I want you to know you're not alone and remind you that you actually don't have to do it all. You just have to breathe. You have to take care of yourself first. You have to take one small step in the direction of putting on your oxygen mask first, of honoring your needs and your boundaries Not later, not after bedtime, not on the weekend when they're gone. But right now, what can you do to truly honor and nurture yourself first, so that your child sees that, so that you don't just survive, you don't just get through the tired, you honor that you are a human being doing heroic work and that your desires still matter. So I just wanted to remind all of you, whether you're a solo parent, a single parent, someone who co-parents, you're not alone. We all need to put on our oxygen mask first. We all deserve to not pour from an empty cup and if you're wanting to receive any support, any tools, just a little bit more breathing room, head on over to the dot rock consultingcom and join the oxygen first community. It is set up to help you thrive. I am sending you each light and love on this beautiful day and I just hope you remember what your why is today and that you step just one step closer to nurturing yourself.

Speaker 1:

Oh my gosh, am I excited to share this new hiring return on investment calculator freebie that I have been working on for about six months. You're probably thinking what the heck is a return on investment calculator freebie that I have been working on for about six months. You're probably thinking what the heck is a return on investment. Well, that's when we take our revenue minus our expenses and it calculates how much return we get by investing in something. I've applied this very masculine concept to hiring into the art of receiving support. And so what this little tool does that you can just go and download from my webpage, dot rock consultingcom. What you can do is go and download this and use curiosity 15 minutes total of your time. Go through this tool and it's going to help you make a little bit of data-driven decision making around hiring and why it can help you in either your personal or professional life. You don't have to be an entrepreneur, but you could be an entrepreneur and it's going to help you understand the impact hiring or delegating more or handing off more tasks, or even not spending any money on this and simply asking for more support how that could change your life.

Speaker 1:

I'm excited about this freebie and I hope you will go check it out. Download itrocksconsultingcom, enjoy. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening to another episode of the Power of Oxygen First podcast. I hope you walk away feeling inspired to do less, to follow your passions and infuse them into your daily life and truly claim the life you were meant to live, and I hope that you start leaning into the art of receiving support. I'm here to support you on that journey. Find me at dotrockconsultingcom or dot underscore rock underscore on Instagram. I'd love it if you'd go, follow me and shoot me a quick DM and let me know what takeaway from this episode hit you the hardest, sending you love and adventures on this beautiful day.

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Dot Rock

Host