Elizabeth and Sarah explore how we individually and collectively have gotten so exhausted in recent years, and some small ways we can do something about it.
Sleepy Sisters podcast is hosted by Elizabeth Brink and Sarah Durham. This show is unedited and often unprepared for, so we hope you enjoy our resistance to perfection!
www.thrivingsistercoaching.com
www.kattywhompous.com
Elizabeth and Sarah explore how we individually and collectively have gotten so exhausted in recent years, and some small ways we can do something about it.
Sleepy Sisters podcast is hosted by Elizabeth Brink and Sarah Durham. This show is unedited and often unprepared for, so we hope you enjoy our resistance to perfection!
www.thrivingsistercoaching.com
www.kattywhompous.com
Hey, hey, what's going on? Oh, you know, same ol, same ol, I can always tell when I see the look in your eye exactly where you're at this sister Podcast. I'm Elizabeth, Sara. And we're gonna talk today about why are we all so sleepy? Also, this is a podcast that is going to be unedited. So you will sometimes hear us talk over each other or have to start over and rephrase what we're saying. Yeah. Because we're really tired of curated life. We're just gonna come as we are. Yeah, we're not curating this. Yes, yes. All right. So what do you think is making us collectively so sleepy this year in 2023? Um, I think, for me, my assessment of the situation is, I have my own personal situation. And then I see the collective and I see people collectively are kind of where I'm at, you know, this has been like, kind of awareness we've been talking about, right? For the last like, several months, like, what's happening right now. And I, when I, when I look back to like, the pandemic, like 2020 2021, I, in my mind, there's a lot of things that I think overlap with the collective and myself. And I think kind of the catalyst when I look back Is that Yeah, we went into this pandemic. And I think, can I say it from my perspective? And I'm just gonna say it's applies to the collective. Okay. Sure. Yeah. We don't actually know why. So, you know, going into the pandemic, you know, you and I both neurodivergent, both history of trauma. Most people have some history of that around this, the saint comes in, and we can rally, right? We know how to rally we come in, and we're like, Okay, we're gonna do the mass, we're gonna, like locked down, we're gonna build stuff. And it all felt actually safe. Because at the beginning, because everyone seemed to kind of coming along. And as soon as everyone got inconvenienced, that kind of fell away, and the discourse and the division came very quickly. And I think for me as kind of a surly optimist. It really shifted kind of how I felt about collectively do we have each other's backs? And I think it kind of sent me into like an existential crisis, I think, from that point, and a lot of other things that happened to me personally and professionally, that kind of got folded into that. But I don't think that there has been a pause, of like, are we really here for each other? And if there's a lot of like, going on as business as usual, and then the economy starting to shift, and then we had the stuff left over from Trump. And I just think that there is I think people are tired, people don't feel seen in ways they need to be seen. And I think on an individual basis, and there's a lot of healing professionals out there trying to make people feel that way. But I think when we talk about the government, we talk about systems and corporations, that's not getting better. And that's kind of where you see the change. I think there's a helplessness a feeling of that, and despair. And I think people are trying to probably stay optimistic, and it's just a lot on our systems. What do you think of that? Oh, my gosh, it's so good. I think we just end here. Yeah, I mean, it was so interesting when you started talking back to the beginning of the pandemic, because my sleepiness started before that, but I think you're right that there was this line in the sand in that time period, where not only was I and others being more physically exhausted by what was required of us to try to keep ourselves and our loved ones safe. There was also this hyper connection to the world and to everyone right, like we had all this technology to be really connected. And for a time that actually felt really good like I was connecting with you and Rebecca and with some of my dear friends, like, way more frequently on almost a daily basis with meaningful exchanges about all kinds of stuff. And, and that felt so good and felt like a real turning point in a lot of my adult relationships in a good way. it. And at the same time, the cacophony of noise online and all the horrific traumas that were happening to, you know, to black bodies and people in, in really relationship to law enforcement and world wars going on not like, you know, big WW. That I think, you know, it was these layers of, you know, hate crimes and terrorist activity, and all of it being online with, not to mention just the everyday headlines of like crazy, awful things that are happening in the world, people getting sick and accidents happening. And so I just feel like the, our capacity for coping with stress didn't change, but the amount of stress that we had, like, coming into our systems, like exponentially changed. And so, you know, I especially think of like, people who had school aged children who were homeschooling, quote, unquote, because they weren't actually traditional homeschooling, they were, you know, virtual schooling, almost at learning, but I don't think really many kids learned during that time. You know, these other layers of like, people trying to actually like, keep the lights on and pay their bills. And now they've got this, like, really complicated dynamics at home. And they're feeling scared and unsure of, you know, what's going on in the world. And I just don't think we did any healing work to resolve that trauma. And I don't think any individuals have even really had much of a time maybe some people have brought this up in their own personal therapy. I hope so. I haven't yet I still got old stuff. I'm working through it. But I feel like you know, even as I'm recounting it right now, I'm noticing like a little bit of not even full on activation, but I'm noticing a shift internally in my body have just like a heightened, energetic heightened awareness of like, oh, that vigilant feeling. Yes. I haven't really like come down off of that. I crashed down off of it. Right. And so I think, yeah, it's been a very mentally and emotionally and physically taxing few years. And it doesn't feel like it's letting up and it feels like it's getting more divisive. And yeah, I think that's also leading to this kind of, like, pre emptive fatigue, or like, I am fatigued. And I'm also, if I even look ahead a little bit with the state of the world and the access to all kinds of noise online, I feel this internal dread, of just like, Oh, I'm tired, future me's tired. I don't think stretches ahead of me that are like, sunny, or restful unnecessarily? Yeah, I think the only reason why I was able to access any of that and deal data in therapy was because I was a teacher. And so I had an extra layer that forced me and those panic attacks that forced me to have to kind of reckon with some of that, but I still feel the same way. And when we don't you when you talk about somatically and nervous system, why is that the window of tolerance, it makes perfect sense. You know, when if you don't have it, you are taxed? And people are saying, but you must keep going. And nothing changes and no pause has been made no work, no check in no, like, anything to process any of that. It makes sense why the conversations are more divisive, people are already in a response. They're already like duking it out or retreating, dissociating like not being around, you know, and just like, I'm done, I'm checking out. And it I mean, and also to, I just think about, you know, the urgency that in which you hear a lot of messages on social media, like tick tock and some of the stuff that we've talked about lately about everyone's just so in this like, awareness, like you must know, and there's like this energy behind it, but there's not a lot of now what not a lot of like, here's how we support there is some, but it does not match the degree and the the energy of the like, consume, consume consume, instead of like, what can I do right now to like, inch towards a little bit of healing a little bit. Does that make sense to you? Yeah. Because I think like the healing and slowing down stuff that's online, and some of it is stuff that I've created and you've created. I saw Sometimes when I see that kind of content, this is going to be silly because I produce some of that content. But sometimes it annoys me. And I see it and I am just like, whatever, like, come on, it's hard. I'm tired, like, that sounds dumb or weird or whatever, like, but I have these, like, internal, ugh, it's like, now it's on me, I need to do something else. I've already done all this thinking and worrying. And now I have to do something else to like, feel better. And I think that's the like, I think one part of that is just like, living in oppressive systems, where we are pushed beyond our limits. And then we are, you know, blamed for the ways that we're struggling or suffering, and we're, you know, kind of, we're expected to fix it ourselves, you know, and that cycle of abuse really is something that all of us are, to different extents having to cope with, and I think about this idea in somatic experiencing of, of titrating, and like accessing relief, and accessing the stress in ways that are, like appropriate for where you're at, and are titrated, meaning that they are, they're measured, and they're, they're small, or they're the right size, right, the right sized, that's a better way of saying it, for where you're at right now. And for me, sometimes that's, I have the ability, and the capacity to go deeper into something really painful, and like really feel it and share and, and process that with my therapist, or like with you and Rebecca or with Corey. And other times, I don't have access to that. And I feel like I can't really talk about this. And it's just kind of like lingering. And on the flip side, too. Sometimes I feel like I have access to like really deep joy and the ability to sit and enjoy right now, the seasons cooling off. So it feels really nice to just sit outside and enjoy the breeze while the kids kind of run around me essentially. And it sometimes feels easier to access, bigger relief. But I think my nervous system is so used to this high activation level, that slowing it down feels very uncomfortable, even even slowing it down a little bit. And that's where I'm trying to build capacity, like do I have the capacity to slow down the stress responses and slow down into the joyful moments in just tiny ways that will feel a little bit less irritating to my system. And what I gotta say is it's not going to happen on social media. That's right, because on social media, it's not a place for nuance, right. And so let's say you are someone who is activated, like all the time right now, and you're in that hyper vigilant mode, and they come across like one of your really like, I love sweet, beautiful reels where you're just talking about titration you're just like, just this moment. And for me, I have capacity for that, because I understand the context. And the context is this will work. But if someone tells you that in a hyper vigilant state, it is what is the point because that does not feel like it's going to get me where I want to go because that bigger picture, but for people who are in your space and know this and our like, you know, understand the broader view, because you talked about things, you know, multiple times around, like we're just gonna like inch our way into this, this is this is for you, this is gonna you know, help. But for people, you know, who don't have that context, the people that are actually bringing relief, which is the inching towards, which is some of the stuff that you've been putting out there, which I love. They don't know that there's a cumulative effect. They just feel big, they feel despair or overwhelm. And they're like, how is taking in this moment? Going to help? Even if I did this three times is that doesn't sound? Because they don't they don't know. And I think one you should keep doing that kind of content, because I think it's so valuable. But too, it's like social media is not going to be the end all be all to find out. What next are now what, right? Yes. So what do we do? I think about what do we do I think about this all the time, about offering support offering something to the collective that they don't have to pay for necessarily, or it's like minimal amount because we want to give people access that shows them healing in the context of nuance, and their own new unique way of being Eating and all these other things that like feels like, okay, I can find something for myself right now. Just slow down just a little bit. It's so hard. It's so hard. And I think I'm I'm reflecting as you're talking, and I'm thinking, you know, where I started with that comment was like, I am one of those people that is annoyed by the slow down content. And I know that there is a cumulative effect. And I have experienced a lot of healing in my nervous system that I can attribute a whole lot of things to, maybe that's another conversation, we can have some time. But I think, you know, like, how do we know we have healing in our nervous system? Like, what are some of the signs and some of the stories of that would be fun, but I think, you know, this idea of being exhausted, and how do we inch our way out of exhaustion, I think my whole life, I've had this thought of like, Oh, you just, you know, hunker down on the weekend, and you don't really do much, and you sleep a lot, or whatever. This was before I had kids. And and then I read a study once like, a long time ago, it wasn't a study was an article, but naming a study about like, how you can't actually catch up on sleep. I don't know the science, and I don't know if it's true or not. But I thought it was really compelling. Because I was like, dang, okay, that makes so much sense. If that's true that like, you can't actually catch up on sleep, you can just like get on track, but like, you're never gonna get back those hours. You missed. Those tiredness days are yesterday, you know, they're gone. And, and I think that piece of, when will I catch up? Like that mentality of like, when will I catch up? When will I get back on track? And instead, you know, coming to a place of but where am i right now? And I think this is something that certainly midlife has forced upon me is, well, what's true right now, what's the reality? versus where have I been before? And where do I want to be? And instead being really honest about like, where am I right now? What's happening around me? What's possible? What do I have the capacity for, and the time and energy and all of those things for and that's a very different reality than that where I used to be, and it's a different reality than this, like fantasy I have of like, oh, when when I feel better, or when I feel more rested? Or when you can get more sleep? And another one in that question, I think is, in those that series of questions you're saying is, if I can't get more sleep, what else can I do to find rest? What other things can I? Where can I make use of with what actually what's available, you know, like, you know, so many people, you know, have, you know, one or two ideas about what it means to rest or to, like, lean into, you know, all of that. And sometimes if you're got a newborn, or if you actually can't get more sleep right now, or whatever it may be, maybe you have a chronic illness. And, or you're just a human in the world, we're just a human right, and you're got insomnia, like the rest of us. What else can I do to actually like, tend to my body? In a way, I mean, the question of like, how do I? How do I live in my current reality? Yes. This is why I wrote what I wrote last week, because I, the resistance, i is, is making me so tired, that I know, just had no longer had access to to anything that would fill my cup, or would even sustain me a little bit. It was like, at some point, I gotta say, uncle and I got to just deal with what is and it's not about giving up. It's not about going like to asleep at the wheel or or not. Or turning away. It is about where am I at right now? What what are my limitations? What do I have capacity for? Because when my number gets called, and someone says, Hey, I want you to be a part of something. I want to be able to do those things. So they care about, but it's like in the interim, it's like, the resisting to me has taken up more space and more energy and has made me more tired than I think sometimes this is just for myself than actually what the state of my life is. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's a big part of how media and social media and like, keeping us outside of our internal experience kind of harms us because we get so detached that we're kind of looking from the outside and being like, oh, when will this get better? And how can I change it? And what will rather than actually coming back into ourselves being fully embodied and saying, Well, how is it going in here? How does it feel in here? What? What's missing? What's lacking? What's possible? Is a very different inquiry, then what in the heck can I change about what's going on around me, or what may or may not be coming down the road. And what I want to say is that doing that work, of being with your current reality is, like, it's such a beautiful process, and it is a part of what it means to be human and to be embodied is, I am checking in with what's really going on with me, and I'm trying to meet a need, even if it's tiny, and that that's what matters most today, not that I'm doing this so that I can take the call, which obviously I want to be able to do that, right. But that like, I'm doing it, because it matters for me to be fully human right now in this moment. And for me to do that, it means I have to be connected to what is happening, not just as a means to an end. And I yeah, I shouldn't have said that. Because well, I mean, I said it, but it's like, because I do think that that's kind of our go to, right. So I can do this other thing. So I am loose so I can be of service to others. And you're right, thank you for taking it back there. Because it is truly about not a means to an end. Like this is the means the means and this is the end like this is what we have right at this very moment. And, and I think that that's one of the things around like somatic healing that is so fascinating to me is that it's not about it is about healing the past, but it's more about healing this internal current experience, which is usually informed and shaped by the past, but is also its own separate thing. And, and so it's this call to the like, to the present moment and to the capacity and, and strength that's available to us that are that could be available to us. And I do find that it makes me feel less exhausted, to be just in this current moment. And it's really hard to be in the current moment. I mean, we've been trained not to and we are rewarded, just right, for all grinding and being doing and all of these things. But I just think, you know, when I think about how we came up with the name of this podcast, which was really wasn't a process, it was just a thing that happened. But it's like, we joke all the time about how we're just sleeping, you know, we're so tired. We're so exhausted. People say like, how are you doing? And you're like, I'm tired. Like, I'm so tired. It's like that's not a that's not really an answer to how are you doing, but whatever it is in this current state of the world. And I do think that maybe there's some advantages to being sleepy. And you know, I do think it's caused me to slow down. And to back off of some things that I didn't need to be doing or bothering myself with. When you were talking earlier about the pandemic. I was remembering that yesterday, I was telling Korea about what it's like for me now to go to the grocery store. Because we order groceries. And I rarely go into the grocery store. And I now almost can't go in like I can, but it is like a very effortful activity for me to go. It's very overwhelming. I'm reminded immediately that I want to look at every single thing in the store. And I start to like meal plan things that are things I've never made, I'll sometimes look up recipes while I'm at the store. And I only needed like eight things. And I'm just like, I used to find that really fun. Like it used to be like an activity on the weekends where I would like spend all this time at Target or the grocery store. And I would let my imagination kind of carry me through the store to some extent. And I'm realizing like that is no longer fun to me. It's instantly makes my head feel spinny and I now feel like I can't go the grocery store unless I have like two things to get and I'm and I'm running late for something like there's some time bound thing there. And I just think that there's a lot of things in this new reality of how the world works since the pandemic began, that have been really helpful for people who are sleepy, and you're exhausted. And and yet I'm still not quite to a place where I feel like I've reallocated my energy to other things, and I have a sense of like, Oh, here's how I refuel when I feel exhausted and tired. So I'm hoping as we like, explore all kinds of random things because it's not just about being sleepy by two things that this will probably come up over and over again like but I'm tired. And I think that I think it will resonate with a lot of people because I think a lot of us are tired in a lot of different ways. I agree. Yep. Okay, so do we feel like this is good for now? Yeah, I feel it's good. You got anything else to say? Not that wouldn't be a rabbit trail. So I feel I want to be I want to like this on a very more succinct note. That's what we should have named this thing rabbit trails. And because it's all it's all it is gonna be a bunch of rabbit trails. So so right the rabbit trail down because that could be another episode. Man, we'll think of more. There's endless supply All right, well, thanks for hanging out. Yeah, you too. Love you. Love you too. Hi. Are we ending now? I'm just gonna go Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Okay.