Marketing & Mayhem
Two gals talking marketing, life, and all the mayhem in between.
Marketing & Mayhem
Pinky Promises, Hibachi & 2025 Words
A pinky promise has one of us is chasing snow, while the other refuses to chase anything.
You might say she is “bananas” - and thanks to a recent hinge match, you’d be correct. We’re talking about last-minute road trips, spicy romance books, girls, weekends, spring sporting events (baseball vs hockey), and apparently we haven’t hit the cap on how much TMI is too much TMI. Don’t even judge us, there is not a chance that we believe you’ve never been in our shoes. And of course, what inspired this conversation? A hot guy on Instagram admitting the same thing. You can always count on us to level the playing field.
Thank goodness we have a therapist coming next week because this week we’re taking self-help into our own hands. Well - that’s a stretch because we’re actually letting Mel Robbins and her “let them” theory (and book) guide us. One of us has the highlighters out and one of us is using her car time to catch up. If you haven’t heard of the “let them” but you align to a lot of our fears and worries regarding conversations about drawing boundaries, control, and happiness, this might be a journey you want to join us on.
We’re showing up this year - even to yoga classes that we haven’t signed up for. Hope you’re ready …
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Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843
um, we did not get snow here? We did not, but you chased the snow I did, I chased it, hi, hi. I have so much to say. Last week has been a little crazy. What I won't be doing is chasing a damn thing, but why don't you tell me about the time you chased snow we?
Speaker 1:did so. It was last year. They got snow in Greenville, which is about three and a half hours north of us where my mom lives, and Clark was so upset that she didn't get to see it. So I pinky promised, which is like the promise of all promises.
Speaker 2:Oh, I know my youngest daughter recently, pinky, promised herself that she's not going to wear pants and we had to break that promise and she was real mad.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know, it's like the promise of all promises. And so, sure enough, we saw the forecast and I was like, all right, we're loading up and we're going.
Speaker 2:And you did, and we got a full two to three inches maybe no, an inch is an inch, like we're not talking in hinge, we're talking in snow.
Speaker 1:An inch of snow is an inch.
Speaker 2:Whatever it is, sir.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, it was fun. We got to do snowballs, which she really wanted to do. She wanted to do a snowball fight and she wanted to do a snow angel.
Speaker 2:I love it and I'm like obsessed with the the song snowman right now. I cannot stop listening to it for whatever reason. I like that my neighbors have got to be like with this bitch song well, mitch, and you know, we ordered a sled.
Speaker 1:I mean, you know when we commit, like we commit. So I ordered like a full ski bunny little outfit for her. I noticed, like snow pants, she's adorable, yes. And so we ordered this sled. Well, there was not enough snow to sled right where we were, so she made me schlep it and like, pull her on the sled Like it was a great workout. And like, like, pull her on the sled like it was a great workout. But yeah, uh, she got to see snow so it was fun. And then my mom made me like a grilled cheese and like chicken noodle soup after I came in from playing and I felt like a 10 year old again yeah it was really fun I'm into that, yeah how are you tell me all the things?
Speaker 2:no, I was. I just thought it was a funny joke to be like you're chasing snow, I will chase nothing.
Speaker 1:No, winter is the only thing I will chase this year.
Speaker 2:You should be like little storm chasers. Actually, I would be really into that.
Speaker 1:Honey, I've had that life. I'm not doing that again. I did that for way too long.
Speaker 2:No, we should do it like in, like a weird not in that sense, not in the we fix it after. Um, that seems like a lot of work. It is. Yeah, I can't imagine I can hear the dogs right now in the shower doing something stupid. Um, well, it's january, so I feel like we're in the midst of. We've got some really fun guests on. We probably getting pretty narrowed down on our words, so we're going to start talking about some of this and so I'm like I'm. I don't have a single fitness or food goal this year, which I think is amazing and feels very freeing.
Speaker 1:I do, but mine is mainly because of fitness, cause I just feel better when I move my body. It has nothing to do with like a resolution I hate that word. Yeah, more of just like a commitment to myself. Hey, I'm going to do this because I feel better.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean I. I mean I was at yoga at eight o'clock this morning and I I forgot how much the Tuesday class kicks my ass. But, like you know, I always go like four to five days a week. So I got to the point to where I'm just like have this weird piece about it. I don't feel like it's like that check mark anymore. Um, who was it that we were talking to, where they were like just do it when it feels. It was Jessica, people's, it was when it really feels good for you.
Speaker 2:And then in December, at the very end, I really my heart wasn't in it and I didn't go for two weeks and I feel so much stronger and so much mentally better being like I didn't not that I missed it, but I think I needed to actually take a step back. I think I was just too drained. Yeah, like now I've got this better respect in a little bit of way for like, okay, well, we don't have to do it just because it's on the list. If it's going to feel like that. Yeah, no, I mean, it's running too.
Speaker 1:For me, it's more like I feel like I came out the gate, and I'm actually for it being mid January. I came out the gate and I'm like, listen, I've just got some things that I really want to focus on, and they're not really things that I'm dreading, I'm just doing them, and so I'm feel like I'm kind of in a in the rhythm now.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I love it. I was like Sandra's back at yoga. I feel like dude. I so remember that time I didn't pay my water bill cause I didn't know I had one.
Speaker 1:How could I forget your water bill that you didn't pay for like seven months? Yes, I remember.
Speaker 2:Like I got like a note of serious note. So I, in a similar sense, yoga, because I just hopped back into it. You have to sign up, right? It's kind of like cycling class, so there's like only room for so many people. I walk in Friday morning first person there. I like to be early. I only have two spades or speeds. Really fucking late or really early. I give my name to the person at the front desk and she's like you're not signed up. I'm like surely I am. No, I am not.
Speaker 2:I look on my app Like oh my God, and it's like a 50 person class and there were 21 waitlisted people. I was like, oh, sandra's going to kill me. And I was like of course I start laughing, cause if anything's like awkward, I'm like do you think you can make an exception? Like I'm just one little person, but it's like 50 is tight, tight, tight, tight. And then 20 other people have been waiting for a spot. So she's like, um, let me talk to Krista. I was like okay, and you got in. I mean she like comes out. She's like Rebecca, there's 20 people in front of you. I was like it's fine, I'll like go home. And then I like looked down at my phone and I got this little bubble up text that was like your waitlist spot has opened. And I looked at her and she like waved and I was like, oh my God, thank God. And then she it was.
Speaker 2:I have never worked so hard. I was not going to break a plank. I wasn't going to like whatever those things are when you're like in a pushup and you have to use the dumbbell and still do the pull-ups Rows Not, yeah, I'm not, no, but it's like the ones where you're still in the plank, like it's not even just a row. Yes, there you go. So I'm like, I'm not, I am not breaking character.
Speaker 2:Sweat was in my eyeballs. I love it, though I love sweat.
Speaker 1:We've talked about this before. I'm the same. I live for it. I love it on me. I love it on my husband, yes, but I don't love it on anybody I don't know.
Speaker 2:Speaking of just so we know, speaking of, I am reading the hottest book right now. The coach solely book is blah Nah give me a title.
Speaker 1:I need a title.
Speaker 2:No, it's coach Sully, oh, okay, okay, it's a hockey book and I don't know what's happening because you know, I've been in the hockey throws before.
Speaker 1:I feel like your whole, like all of your posts lately have been about hockey and that's like one athlete I have not like dug into and I feel like you've got me, you've got me curious here oh, I have one that I just saved.
Speaker 2:From this one I was like, sir, because like, the goalies have to be like super flexible and stuff. I just can't right now. So this is what I was going to say my life algorithm. Something's happening. So I wasn't reading for a little bit because I was too overwhelmed and I was watching a couple TV shows just to relax. Now I'm back and reading. Instagram is the reason I start this book. I've actually read one of the books in this series, but this is the first book I recommend starting with.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, that makes my eye twitch.
Speaker 2:I think I read book five, oh my God. So it's all good. Right now I've got five of these. Something happens. I asked the girls do you want to go to the rodeo? Last week? And they're like no, but the stingrays came to school and read books. So they're like we do want to go to the rodeo last weekend. They're like no, but the stingrays came to school and read books. So they're like we do want to see the stingrays. So I get hockey tickets for two weekends from now. The girls and I are going to do a stingrays game. My very good friend from Michael Kors reached out yesterday. She was like hey, she has season tickets to the Canes in Charlotte and she was like it'd be so fun if we like did a girls weekend, we could stay at the hotel the players stay at.
Speaker 1:We're totally going in February. Sounds like the beginning of a spicy book.
Speaker 2:I know like we're totally going in February. Obviously she's married to beautiful kids. Like I love her husband, but she's like she's taking the night off from momming. We have a hotel room. We're going to house Like am I? I just borrowing your clothes because she's the one that makes all the glam fan gear.
Speaker 2:Yes, she's like that's I may order something while you're there to get from her all right, well, order before, because it's all like custom, yes, so I'm going with her wearing her gear, we're going to the hain kane's hockey. And in fact also she was like, oh, I'm also coming into town in like two weeks because her sister's having a baby. She's like let's get lunch. I'm like, oh, I love this year.
Speaker 1:All right, so let's go back to the book. Let's go back to the book.
Speaker 2:Give me James, chapter four. I mean, we just like out of the gates. I won't even tell you more what happened here. Wait, where did my thing go? What, oh, I don't know. It like blanked back to FaceTime, but um, it literally like heat from the beginning. Live for an age gap. You know I love an age gap, do you God? Yes, yeah, depending. In this case it's the girl that's younger Okay, obviously, like he's the coach. So I'm excited. It's the girl that's younger. Okay, obviously, like he's the coach.
Speaker 1:I'm excited, so it's a series.
Speaker 2:Yeah, we can go all the way down the rabbit hole for this.
Speaker 1:Well, I can't because I've got to finish these other two up. Actually, I've got three series I'm working on right now. I know it's excessive, and then I'm reading the Mel Robbins book. So yeah, I know it's excessive and then I'm reading the Mel Robbins book.
Speaker 2:So I'm, I'm. Yeah, you're going down the hockey rabbit hole. You just know, I love it.
Speaker 1:I'll meet you there soon. I've got to finish what I'm what I've started. I'm in the, I'm in the rodeo bull riding, you know the chestnut spring series. So let me finish that and then I'll meet you there.
Speaker 2:I also matched with a Savannah Banana Shut up.
Speaker 1:No, get this. When we were in Greenville this weekend we went up to my old college and we drove around because they have this new football stadium. It's just a huge campus. Now when it was not when I was there, but anyway we saw like baseball players walking in the baseball stadium and I told Clark I'm like that's who your mommy used to like. She said who and I said baseball players.
Speaker 2:She said oh okay that didn't used to be my thing. I was a New Yorker so I mean like baseball was fun, but like I love baseball, the hockey players were like bad, like they were baddies. The hockey players were like bad, like they were baddies. The baseball players were like a little bit smarter. Well, I mean, obviously that's just not. I always was like helping with homework and stuff and like the baseball boys didn't need that.
Speaker 1:You like them dumb? Is that what you're saying?
Speaker 2:No, I just like them a little bit needy, I think.
Speaker 1:Oh God, no, I would sooner die. No.
Speaker 2:Well, this is my red flag stage, which I'm trying to get rid of.
Speaker 1:Yes, you match with a Savannah banana.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, is it hugely good. Later. Yeah, okay, I feel like I'm zero right now. Get in my detective skills so, and also my hinge is like so full of trolls right now I can't can I just interrupt real quick about detective skills?
Speaker 1:so we went out to eat the other night for my dad's 70th birthday happy birthday, jim, I love you. Um. And so we had. We went to eat hibachi. You know where they like cook in front of you. Well, our chef was a hoot and a half. He was so funny. He was a white guy. He kept making all of these jokes about like just all kinds of stuff. And it was even funnier because every my husband is Japanese and chef was white and he kept making all these Japanese jokes, like not knowing that Nate was Japanese, and so it was like even funnier. You know, I mean it was, it was funny and so, and the food was phenomenal. So, anyway, my dad was like oh, after he walked away and like finished, and all dad was like oh, I really wish we could have tipped him and like found him, I'd like to have him to the house and cook at home. Within 15 seconds I found the kid on Facebook, found his Venmo, so we could send him a tip. Like I'm like dad, don't ever doubt him.
Speaker 2:Huh.
Speaker 1:How come you couldn't?
Speaker 2:tip him.
Speaker 1:Well, you know, like tip him directly. My dad didn't have cash, so he was like I'd love to like be able to Venmo him. I'm like, oh, I got you. I found him within seriously 15 seconds flat. I'm like, jim, I got this.
Speaker 2:I am a super sleuth stalker, if you recall, I come to you and Whitney when I need stock, you do?
Speaker 1:you sent me that guy's picture and I reverse Google image, searched him and found him on LinkedIn. I am.
Speaker 2:I'm all about it. I have actually never had hibachi.
Speaker 1:You have got to be kidding me. What in the hell? You're joking, right? Oh, my God, I feel like I need to come get you, like tonight. Like, are you joking? No, I'm not being funny. Okay, One day I'm going to pick you up and we're going to go eat breakfast at Waffle House. We're going to go eat some other kind of lunch that I'm sure you haven't had, that I've eaten. I'm going to eat things in one day and then we're going to go eat some other kind of lunch that I'm sure you haven't had that I've eaten Things in one day, and then we're going to go eat hibashi for dinner.
Speaker 2:Let's just call it restaurant week, and we'll like check one thing off a day. Like I can only eat so many things in a day.
Speaker 1:Well, the waffle house will literally go in you and come immediately out of you, so that will be easy. It's like a enema with cheese.
Speaker 2:I cannot. I'm like afraid of what I'm going to say on the air at this point, but like I have become mysteriously close to shitting my pants in the last week, Dude, you know, I have done it, you can't.
Speaker 1:She was like do you remember that time we were walking into Publix and I was coming off of COVID and I don't? My stomach was just not and I totally shivered.
Speaker 2:This is like the conversation, Like this is one of those ones where, like, some of the people that give us feedback are going to be like, did you really say that? Like, yes, I'm single.
Speaker 1:Surely other people.
Speaker 2:I had to go into Harris Theater. I had cold sweats for 30 minutes after. I was like that was so fucking close, I'm going to die.
Speaker 1:I have slid in on two wheels coming to your place. You know this.
Speaker 2:I was at the office and I was like I have to go right now. I was like I have to leave. My dog has a UTI. I have to go. I am like a bloke.
Speaker 1:Oh my God. But back to the hibachi. I cannot believe you have not eaten hibachi. You're going to love it. It's phenomenal and it's a great show.
Speaker 2:No, I don't really even know how this happened. What Not eating hibachi?
Speaker 1:Well, and that's like where you go for birthdays, like that's where I grew up going, and then you hit the drum and I'm going to take you for your birthday, and they make you get up in the chair and do the chicken dance a chance and help.
Speaker 2:That's because you just keep your program. I'm not getting in any chair. Well, I'll get in some chairs, but not in the chair oh my god, I'm so excited.
Speaker 2:I wonder if I should put that on my hinge that I've never had had bought you. The problem is, everyone's going to want to do it. It's going to be like the McDonald's thing. Everyone's going to be like, can we take you to? And I'm like the whole throwing the shrimp in the mouth thing really flips me out. Oh my gosh, I love it. I get really mad when I don't catch it. This is the problem. Exactly that. What that? You're competitive.
Speaker 1:No, I just, I don't know about the catching of the shrimp in the mouth. Well, I mean, it's not like it's in somebody's mouth. Before it goes to your mouth, it literally is on the grill.
Speaker 2:and then they At this point, I am just concerned about the shrimp toss. What if I choke? I'm just concerned about the shrimp toss. What?
Speaker 1:if I choke. Oh my gosh, you sound like Clark Clark. Just she sits there like this and she does nothing that she bounces off of her head and she's just like nah, nah, man, I don't eat shrimp. And I'm like well then, give it to me.
Speaker 2:You know, I have no depth perception either at all. So, like anything that's like, I don't know yes, Okay, hibachi, hibachi and. At Trivial Pursuit. Just keep adding it to the list. I'm just like shook. Shook Because like I'm not really that sheltered but then like other things, it probably just wasn't like a family thing like we in we would go to like Italian places right, it's like New York or Greek. I like, love Greek, mediterranean, lebanese. So like for my birthday dinner I always picked there that restaurant with the two Lebanese brothers.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I loved it, it was always. That was always. Our thing was hibachi, because it's like a you get dinner and a show, right?
Speaker 2:no, I'm sure I like you know how I am about this stuff.
Speaker 1:I don't know, they make shapes out of the rice meatloaf, you know meatloaf well it?
Speaker 1:no, they take the rice and then they shape it. Well, usually they do like mickey mouse ears. Are they like a smiley face? And then they shape it. Well, usually they do like Mickey Mouse ears, or they like a smiley face, and then they do like Asian eyes with the sesame seeds and make it funny With your Asian eyes yeah, with my husband's in there. And then they do like the volcano with the onions. Oh my God, I cannot believe you haven't eaten hibachi. I am tripping, I'm tripping believe you haven't eaten hibachi.
Speaker 2:I am, I'm tripping, tripping. You can't believe it though. Okay, so what else?
Speaker 1:is happening. You how you decide on your word um. You know it's so funny funny.
Speaker 2:I should ask that it's january I know.
Speaker 1:well, here's the thing I'm totally going listen, I keep going back to listen and then I'm also. The word alignment keeps coming up. Not enlightenment, but alignment, like getting realigned, like your tires.
Speaker 2:And so Context though, because I understand, listen, but like I don't know if I would say that you're misaligned.
Speaker 1:No, I wouldn't say I'm misaligned. I just feel like.
Speaker 2:Are you waiting for things around you to align? Because that's still. Listen to me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, that's it, that's it. I just feel like Q4 got a little wonky for me last year and I'm just ready to kind of get back to where I was, if that makes sense, going into Q4.
Speaker 2:But I think we're listening still, because I think Listen is the one I keep going back to. Typically, I feel like when you feel out of line, it's because other people are determining some of the way that your time gets spent.
Speaker 1:I feel like I've been really doing a lot better with that, to be quite honest.
Speaker 2:In general, I feel like when that pull starts to happen, it's like you did have some like life things, yes, like through off the alignment, and I don't know if you could have but it just made me feel kind of wonky.
Speaker 1:You know what I mean, like not where I was trending, going and talk to her. I think it's with the pie fucking.
Speaker 2:Hey the pie right there, catalytic, like if I were to identify one specific event that took, uh, took, the crazy train.
Speaker 1:I think it might have been the pies well, it was health stuff and it was just like you know, I just it got a little, got a little wonky, but I feel good, like I feel really, like I said I do, like I said I keep going back to listening and what else other words do I have in my phone? Do you do this? Do you keep the, your little ideas and your, I know you keep other stuff and you're fine, but everything, nudes notes, everything uh, nudes.
Speaker 1:I do not keep nudes. I'm very concerned about that stuff getting like. I would not do that I have to go and delete all of them. I mean, don't you feel like people can like get on your phone? Okay, I'm a little concerned. I think everything syncs.
Speaker 2:I know, that's why we don't use my computer when we go places.
Speaker 1:That's very true. We never know what's going to pop up. But yeah, listen is probably going to be my word. What about you. Have you ever really brought up a word, or just using the same one? I know my word.
Speaker 2:My word this year. What is it? You're going to kill me, oh God. My word this year is love. Oh, why am're going to kill me? Oh God, my word, this year is love.
Speaker 1:Ooh well, how am I going?
Speaker 2:to kill you. I love that word.
Speaker 2:I don't know. So I cause I think people are going to misinterpret it as I am looking for love and that is not what's happening. I, when I needed more last year, the year before, I had to do a lot less and start saying no to things so that I could clear through the rubble and figure out what the plan was and figure out exactly what was happening from my perspective and then around me. I spent a lot of time with a therapist figuring out like my values and beliefs, like I really had to put the foundation back, and that meant I had to step away from a lot of things. Then last year was the more year, meant I had to step away from a lot of things. Then last year was the more year. I did everything and I, or I tried to, realistically, and then what I started to realize is I still wasn't like comfortable with people pouring authentic love into me, even though I find it very easy to give love to other people. So this year I'm going to do a better job of both. So that means like, whether it's like the friendships or like I'm, I'm definitely back to this like joke I made about like not chasing whatever it is, like I'm going to be very like. I'm going to continue also being a person who's come out of a divorce and other things.
Speaker 2:I think it'd be really easy to be, I guess, angry. I don't feel a lot of anger We've talked about this but it'd be really easy to withhold that also. It is not scary for me to give out love. I actually realized last year that it's one of the most fun things for me. Like I tell my friends I love them. Now I like give it more freely. Like I just don't feel and before that I was in a tough place to really be doing that too. But I'm going to continue on that same path in a bigger way, and I'm not going to require anyone to reciprocate it in any fashion. That is not the catalyst for how I'm going to give it out, but then also I'm going to be paying closer attention to where I get it from and then also I'm really going to try to accept it instead of question it.
Speaker 1:Yes, that has.
Speaker 1:you know the more I study your enneagram about you that that's fairly common that you, that eights, struggle with the vulnerability kind of squishy side yeah, do you remember, in one of our first podcasts I want to say it was our first sleepover I told you I was like I said the thing about the hug that I just didn't feel like you were, like you wanted hugs. You've gotten so much more huggy in that time and that's been about a year. Some people are allowed to hug me, but I'm just saying that's a big deal. Like, see, I hug everybody, like it's all I make it very weird.
Speaker 2:No, no, no. I know for sure that the Enneagram eight part of me is going to be like not you, you just like. One thing that I know I won't change is like how I do Cause it's like natural, like how I protect my energy from certain people. But if I'm not protecting it from people, like if you're in, I really need to let like. I just need to believe that the words and the actions that you're giving me are coming from a good place and not spend time questioning that. And if, down the road, whether that's a romantic relationship or a platonic relationship, if that turns out to be wrong, that's a you thing, still has nothing to do with me. Right, you showed up without honesty, or if you were inauthentic, I'm really getting to a place where I do truly not feel like that's my responsibility.
Speaker 1:No, like Let them. I'm telling you this book. Yeah, I'm reading the Let them book by Mel Robbins, y'all, and I'm like eight or nine pages in and it is. It's one of those ones you got to get the highlighter out because it is just freaking phenomenal. It just it really is such an incredible book and it's a really easy read. It's not as wordy as other like quote-unquote self-help books. I hate that. I hate when people say self-help. That drives me crazy.
Speaker 2:I'm like it's not self-help, it's just like jennifer sisk said that she was like you have to remember that some of this is still opinion. Right, you write it from the form of opinion, like you have to remember that when you're absorbing it, like some of it is just first of all, you're not necessarily broken, even if you are, it's not this idea that like cause. I feel like some people thought that way, I mean my first husband thought that way about therapy.
Speaker 1:He was like, oh good, like go fix it, and that's not what you know. I think that there's nothing wrong. Like you know, it's okay for us to go to the gym, it's okay for us to eat healthier, like, why is it any different for us to try to better where we are from a mental state so we can be better and show up different in our relationships? I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. But the book it's just phenomenal and especially you know, when it talks about relationships in your life, that people are going to be who they are by nature. As men, we are just very selfish and self-involved and people show you who they are, whether it's through action or lack of action, words or lack of words. It's pretty basic.
Speaker 2:No, that was when I was a kid and I was only allowed to watch one hour of TV, or sorry, half an hour, and I would choose Oprah, because it was an hour, and try to get away with it, you've never told me that it was.
Speaker 2:Oprah. I would always choose Oprah to see if I could get away with the whole show told me that it was Oprah. I would always choose Oprah to see if I could get away with the whole show. So, on top of it, I wasn't watching like jump TV, I was watching freaking Oprah, but she talks about like she had a guest on. I remember who the guest was. It might've been Gail Cause, like at the time.
Speaker 2:I don't really remember though, but Oprah was talking about being a young black woman and working and somebody taking advantage of her and all this stuff. But she was like people show you who they are, believe them the first time, and I'll never I mean, I was probably like a junior in high school or like a sophomore in high school Like this TV game went on forever, just so we're clear. But I'll never forget that, and it's like one of those things like I'll never forget that. And my mom had a book on her nightstand called love me or hate me, just don't ignore me, and I knew that was about my middle brother, like I knew. And then she'd be like and negative attention is the same as positive attention, depending on who you are and I was like gosh you might love me or hate me just don't ignore me and it was like literally a parenting book and I knew it had to do with my middle brother because he was a handful.
Speaker 2:Um, he's a middle child, that's how they are. But like those two things like really stuck with me and people do they show you who they are, believe them. The first time.
Speaker 1:See, I need to work on that. I'm not good at that. I give people the benefit of the doubt a billion times over.
Speaker 2:Well, like, if somebody, there's a big difference between, like making a mistake, apologizing and then actively never making that mistake again. Like that's like the big like. I'm all about giving people grace, but one of the things that I'm doing in this love situation is also being like I love myself enough to understand that there's a big difference between grace and changing behavior and then just like, like, just moving on with it and I'm not some of that stuff, I'm just like, oh, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Well, and I think too is important, I know Love your word, I love love, I love the in so many ways. I love that and like. I, because I know I know you better than I knew that that wasn't your.
Speaker 2:No, I didn't think, yeah, you know, but somebody is going to be like, oh, she's on hinge, like she's like looking for love. I'm like, no, my friend, I have some very deep love in my friendships right now where I'm just like I wish that people actually I'm trying to teach my girls this too Like I wish that people talked more about getting like true love from their platonic friendships than just from this one person, whether it's your marriage or your parents. Because like how many people do you know that didn't receive the love that they needed from their parents and then spend their whole? I'm like, oh my God, like you can have great love from a teacher. Like I'm trying to talk to my kids about this from like even a coaching perspective. Like my kids have some coaches that like really love them, yeah, and like I just, or they see it out there, even with their teammates. And I'm like trying to instill this idea of like we don't just like go to high school, go to college, pick a major, pick a husband.
Speaker 1:I'm? Um, yeah, I had a. I had a talk with my niece this weekend about that. She is that high school is in that right after college. I feel like it's so tough. I have two nieces who kind of tried to find their way and you know, that's just a weird age. They just don't know what to do. You know, I feel like they're taught to, just like you said check all the boxes, do all the things go in this order go to college, pick a spouse, go to work.
Speaker 2:Well, those are all the good girl things, like all the good girl things from those things.
Speaker 1:And so you know, meanwhile you know crazy aunt jenny comes in. I'm like, no, get out of school, get out of your house, go travel agent or go do a do flight attendant school and go do that for two years, travel the world, go make some money and have fun. And they're like, looking at me like deer in headlights. I'm like'm like nobody's telling you that you have to do it this way, go do it. And so one of my true story, my niece, and it's taken her a little bit to get there, but she's working for a great job at a great company, golf company and she is touring the US doing sports stuff that she loves, meeting all kinds of incredible people. And I'm like, baby, good for you, that's exactly what you needed to do. You don't need to get saddled down by the freaking kid when you're 23 years old no, or a man or a man, you do it.
Speaker 2:Go live your life. I feel like sometimes when I say, even from that therapy perspective, like figuring out your values and beliefs, people are like, oh, I know my values and beliefs. I'm like, are you sure about that? Right, because I definitely thought I knew mine. But once we started picking them apart, I knew my parents, I knew my husbands, I knew what I wanted my kids to have, but mine had gotten so far lost. They can be different than your parents. Like I got news for you, like I, what did I see the other day? It was like the average age of buying your first home is like 47. Now, no, I believe it. I know I'm like we've already had multiple homes. Like, but the world isn't the same way that it was.
Speaker 1:Like you can't just it wasn't and I mean, I look back and I did some of those things like knowing that it felt very unnatural to me.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Like I did it and I was just like I just I'm doing this because I feel like I need to do it, but I don't really want to do it. Yeah, like it felt very off purpose and you know I always talk about on and off purpose. It felt very off purpose for me, like I didn't it wasn't good for me to do that yet, but I did it because I thought I was supposed to.
Speaker 2:Right, Well, and you're still living your parents' values and beliefs, and they're, I mean, God. Our parents are grew up in a completely different world and our kids are growing up in a extremely different world and I'm just like why don't we teach them of this? Why aren't we talking about like even some of this stuff in school? I'm so.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, I got on this soap box this weekend. I know my parents think I'm bananas, but we were talking about as we were walking around my, driving through my college town. They're like, oh, you didn't really get serious about school until you know you found out all your friends were going to college. I'm like I hated school. I'm like who in the hell needs chemistry? Who in the hell needs algebra? Never, mr child's, my hot chemistry yes, I mean, I'm glad I'm lucky for you that you had that, but I did not.
Speaker 2:That was my mind it wasn't amazing. I can't just trade, just had a like why did we need that stuff?
Speaker 1:why did y'all not teach about 401k? Why did you not teach how to manage a freaking checkbook or fill out a W-2, or about verifying an I-9? Like these are life skills. Like I hated school because it was freaking stupid Public speaking, yes, being understood Like oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Or being more creative, like learning more creative things. I'm telling you, I went on my oh, my gosh. Or be more creative, like learning more creative things, like why, I'm telling you. I went on. My parents looked at me like I'd lost my damn mind, but I'm like, I think it's stupid, I'm telling you Learning how to be a partner, whether it's a business partner or not.
Speaker 2:I saw this thing on Instagram the other day that and this just happened to me on Hinge. But the girl was like I'm in the bathroom, she's like putting on her lip gloss, she's like I can't go out there. We have been here for 90 minutes. I have asked this man no short of 47 questions. He has asked me zero. I could write his autobiography and he does not know anything about me. What are we doing? And I was like Was it a date? It was a date and like that just happened to me over like three days on Hinge. I was like I really want to try here, but like I do not like that at all she was like I need to get out of here.
Speaker 2:But, like anytime, I was like, what kind of music do you like? I love Chris Stapleton. Everyone fucking loves Chris Stapleton. I'm going to need you to. I mean. God bless America, but at least like it's like a tennis match.
Speaker 1:I ask you, you ask me.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like what's on repeat on your radio, like do you, I don't know? Or like does music? And honestly, also tell me if you think you're John Mayer, because if you get a guitar out and start playing, that is going to be the second time I shit my pants. In the last week I got to go. I can't. I have this thing about John Mayer. It's a no for me. You can ask my friend Liz, who lives in DC. Is he even relevant anymore? I'm just saying there was something when he came out where I was like this is disgusting. If somebody did this for me, there's no way I would feel any sort of way other than like I was going to be tucked into a suitcase. Not for me, please don't.
Speaker 1:So that's like your hinge. Lately is people not asking questions.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, you know, I like barely let anyone in, so I'm like the biggest gatekeeper. When I had to restart it, it was like because you have to pay to see everybody, it was like you have 872 potential matches. Would you like to? Oh my God, I hit the X on them either. Hinge pros. Here is my little sweet spot. First of all, you do have to pay to see people, which is really annoying. But if you hit it and act like you're going to check out and then you don't actually check out, within 48 hours they're going to offer you a really sick coupon and $50 for three months.
Speaker 1:Good to know. Um, so funny statement really about that. So when I was a dating gal, I did not want anybody to ask questions about me whatsoever. No, like at all. Like you get my name, maybe my phone number, and I'm not giving. I don't want to. Like you wanted to go on a date before you talked. No, I'm just saying that, like I did not like anybody asking questions about me, like I would am much more comfortable talking about other people than I am myself.
Speaker 2:It's not that I want them to ask, it's just like we get to the point where I'm like I can literally tell you so many things about yourself and you can tell me nothing. But wait, this is the real tip. That was just a pro tip about coupons. There's a thing where, when they go to match to you, you have to hit the X so that they can't match, or you can hit the little speech bubble so they go in and they can actually talk to you, right? Otherwise, you're in this middle area where you have to decide if you want to match to them or not. Do not hit the X, just leave them there.
Speaker 2:I like to call it purgatory. But if you leave them there, I like to call it purgatory. But if you leave them there, hinge can't recycle them back to you. Stay there and Hinge is required to show other people to you, which is why there are so many people there. You hit the bubble if you want to match, otherwise you just leave them in that nice little purgatory tucked away in those clean sheets. You don't have to deal with it, but otherwise it will keep recycling the same people to you and we don't have time for that.
Speaker 1:You leave it right there. I just had a great idea for a reel. You need to do like hinge tips and do a reel on it. Okay, I think that would be genius. That shit would probably get million views.
Speaker 2:I'm serious, it's a brilliant tip.
Speaker 1:Brilliant tip.
Speaker 2:I also saw a tip the other day that wasn't, it was not a hinge tip, but the girl was on a podcast and the boys were rolling. Somebody called her and she was like Ooh, I don't think I want to answer this. And she goes hey, and like, turned the like, put it to the icons thing, and then hit the airplane mode and left it like that. And they were like why did you just do that? She's like cause it answered and now it says disconnected and they won't be able to call back. But it doesn't say that I didn't answer it or that I hung up. Dude, that's genius. They were like oh, my, my God, she's like yeah, just let me. Hey, oh my, and she just like scrolled down, hit the airplane and left it. She's like nothing to see here.
Speaker 1:Oh my gosh, that's genius. We need to add these tips in our episode description Something about it right. I was like this is solid gold, your brain is just like this Rolodex of all of these pieces of information.
Speaker 2:It's not really helping me, but the purgatory tip, I think, is absolutely clutch.
Speaker 1:It can help others. What's the number one dating app these days?
Speaker 2:Well, no, no, no. Here's the deal. I think some of them are just for sex, right, bumble, tinder, some of that stuff. So what I have been told is that hinge is like more relationship focused. Okay.
Speaker 1:Good to know.
Speaker 2:I mean not good, not for me, but oh, I'm, when I go to Charlotte, I'm absolutely changing my mileage to within one mile for the entire hockey game, so that anybody that's at the hockey game players included who has fake teeth. Oh my God, I love that. I asked my orthodontist to put listen first of all hang on pause. You love what I love, I mean, if you most people don't have beautiful real teeth. So if you have beautiful fake teeth, I love that for you. But what?
Speaker 1:do they like come out like a day and they like pop out their front teeth?
Speaker 2:so they can eat that. But have you ever seen that guy that's like? He's definitely like kind of tall and thick and he has like the two front teeth that are fake.
Speaker 1:Yes, I'm, I would date him but like they like popped him out, or they like you were kissing and they like popped out no, they slide out like your grandma's teeth.
Speaker 2:I think they stay pretty nice in there. I'm not opposed. I'm also more than halfway through my Invisalign journey and I think we are going to have to get like a little veneer action. We've been talking about this. I'm having a little dental work done in February.
Speaker 1:You are A little bonding. Yeah, I'm into it. I'm a freak about teeth.
Speaker 2:I cannot wait for this Invisalign journey to be done. I actually hate it. I'm going to do it. I'm a freak about teeth this. I cannot wait for this Invisalign journey to be done. I actually hate it. I feel so bad because I love my orthodontist and every time he asked me about it I'm like you know I loathe this, but there's so much change already and he is like I think ultimately you're going to want a little veneer action but we got a whole plan.
Speaker 1:I have this reoccurring dream and I'm talking like I've had this same dream as long as I can remember that I'm standing in front of like a medicine cabinet mirror.
Speaker 2:Oh, this is a thing.
Speaker 1:And all of my teeth fall out in my hands.
Speaker 2:It's my fear in real life, because they get like sore and loose kind of, and I'm like Same, I'm telling you.
Speaker 1:I'm a freak and so I Googled it and I'm like what the hell is wrong with me? And it means that you're vain, which is not far fetched on my end.
Speaker 2:I'm like, okay, yeah, so I go to High Tide right here across from Costco and he's like I love their logo, amazing. He's like his wife created that that she used to work for chubbies his wife is actually the was the creator of the original main chubbies design. That's all the neon lights on the dark blue board yep, fun fact. Um, and she did all of the art inside of there too. She's like amazing. But, um, they're also like a big sponsor for the swim team. So I know all kinds of stuff about them. But his big thing is like, just so, you know, teeth should have some character. So, like, he's got a good perspective on that too. So we keep going back and forth about this, like should we get a little veneer? Should we not Cause like there has to be some reshaping, that happens and a bunch of other things. So he's like but let's not forget that they should have a little character. And I'm like, yeah, dr Trav, you figure out how much is enough character.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's exactly what my dentist told me. Last week I went to expertise dental over there by Park West preschool Okay, um, same thing. And honestly, I had heard about them and I knew they were there. But I went in because I followed him on Instagram and he does a brilliant job of his Instagram for a cosmetic dentist and I told him that he was like oh that's, I'm so glad that you told me that he was like sometimes I feel like I'm putting it out there and like nobody's really why I'm like well, that's why I'm here. I feel like I'm putting it out there and like nobody's really I'm like well, that's why I'm here, it's because you do such a good job. He's like well, that makes me feel good. But yeah, so he said the same thing. He was like you know, your teeth should have some. I mean, I hate discoloration, but they should look normal, right?
Speaker 2:They should look like, they should have some character, they should have like chiclet teeth out of Dennis the Menace.
Speaker 1:I know, you know what. I'm talking about.
Speaker 2:Yep, I do know Dennis the Menace and I know chiclets, but like this is a real conversation, I'm telling you like we're talking about possibly getting like four veneers and I'm like all right, like if we get there, he's like let's wait till April, let's see what we got. We're going to reshape a little bit.
Speaker 1:But till april let's see what we got. We're gonna reshape a little bit, but I'm only about to listen and guess what I did the other day? I got a facial, oh, but no, not at home.
Speaker 2:No, sorry, nate your podcast is already out of control, so it doesn't matter, we're already talking about pooping our pants.
Speaker 1:Um, at the facial room downtown charleston. Her name is kate lovely, and I have committed to myself. That was one of the things I committed to myself for this year was taking more time for myself. Yep, and look, I've already done it. I've done my teeth appointment, I've done my facial, yep.
Speaker 2:Look at me, go. I mean, I know I have a theory on why we're both doing the teeth, but I'm going to keep it off the air for a second.
Speaker 1:Oh, I can't wait. I know, don't worry so far, I need pictures of the hockey player, nope, savannah Banana, and I'm going to need to have teeth talk with you.
Speaker 2:Teeth talk.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:That's a good time. We're 45 minutes in.
Speaker 1:We have a guest next time, don't we? We have Kirsten Hatcher coming Me too, yay, and we've gotten a lot of feedback that that was actually one of our favorite everybody's favorite guest, so I'm excited to be with her again.
Speaker 2:Yes, you know what started. It was this conversation about the notes app, because then I love her, she's amazing. But she reached out and she was like I tell my patients to use their notes app so that they can really work through these conversations, and I was like we need to talk about this more, like I love this idea of having a diary, but you know, I have to voice text or else I get in the wheeze and my handwriting sucks and I just get really bogged down. And so she is coming on to give us some tools, resources and feedback. I cannot wait. She actually confirmed it via text. She was like hey, I saw it come up on the screen, so exciting.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks, guys, and we will see you next week.