Marketing & Mayhem
Two gals talking marketing, life, and all the mayhem in between.
Marketing & Mayhem
Ovaries, Frontal Lobes & the Power of Your Notes App
In the animal kingdom, when an animals main purpose has been fulfilled, that animal typically dies off.
A dark way to start an episode, but ultimately we got to thinking about why women live longer than men, even though one of their main purposes is to create offspring. Grandmothers play in maintaining family wisdom and legacy across generations - turns out there’s some science behind that and that’s where our conversation with Kirsten Hatcher from Raising Marriage starts. Don’t worry, this episode is full of laughs, we even tackle the whole one ovary per cycle conversation.
Today’s conversation started from a podcast a few weeks ago we talked about using our Notes app to fully form our feelings in our reactions. Navigating the stormy seas of relationships can be challenging, understanding, even preserving your own emotions while holding space for another person’s isn’t always easy. And so - we are back on the iceberg - the "anger iceberg". Drawing from Gottman's marriage counseling method, we share strategies to avoid emotional flooding and maintain rational communication. Through relatable personal anecdotes, learn how to pause and walk away, or channeling your emotions with a little chat gpt support can help refine your message and release resentment.
And of course, we’re having this conversation with a dear friend, so we trip, stumble, and fall into a few very personal conversations. But ultimately our guess is that each is very relatable. Tell you what - there’s nothing quite like personal therapy on a public forum. Repeat after us, “we listen and we don’t judge” …
Things we discussed:
Book: Fast Like A Girl
Book: Men Are Like Waffles - Women Are Like Spaghetti
The Anger Iceberg
Publix Philly Cheesesteak Dip
Attachment Styles
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Hosted by @raebecca.miller and @jennyfromthe843
Hello.
Speaker 3:Good morning, hi, kirsten. Hello, we got Kirsten Hatcher back in the house.
Speaker 1:I'm so excited we chat with the gals. I get to actually join in this time rather than just in my car at the gym.
Speaker 3:Listen, though, because you're a listener, I love that you are one of our all-time actually like our listeners' favorite guests.
Speaker 1:Oh well, thank you. I'm honored because I've enjoyed all the other guests.
Speaker 3:To have you back and we have like a million things we want to talk about. How is everyone?
Speaker 1:I'm honky dory.
Speaker 2:I'm not feeling super at all. To be quite honest, what's wrong with you? You know it's that time of the month and I thought we had this all figured out with our hormone girl.
Speaker 3:Oh, and like dude, I think I think it's probably just the ovaries.
Speaker 1:What'd you say? Just get rid of the ovaries, did you say-?
Speaker 3:No, I mean, I just said it's probably just because you know how like you have, you know how like your period only comes from like one ovary, yes, and then it switches back and forth, and so you have like one bad month and one good month Wait what.
Speaker 1:Yes, it only releases from one side. That's why sometimes your cramps are stronger on one side right?
Speaker 3:Yes, like I think it's not necessarily mathematically exactly even, but you only release one ovary, releases one egg in the standard is it's every other, and I think sometimes it can stand the same side for twice.
Speaker 2:Whoa, whoa, whoa. Is this like common knowledge? Why do I not know this? I?
Speaker 3:actually I thought it was a myth, but it's not.
Speaker 2:Back to the trivial pursuit.
Speaker 1:You could kick some ass, I think it is one of those trivial I don't think. It's like our OBs aren't telling us. But well, maybe they are now. Maybe when my daughter goes I'll see that it's different, but I think it was a random thing I learned.
Speaker 3:This is what ChatsyPT says. Each month, one ovary releases an egg. During ovulation, the ovaries typically alternate. One ovary releases an egg one month and the other ovary the next month, but this isn't always perfectly regular. One ovary could be dominant.
Speaker 2:So I'm like I'm in pain because my little ovary.
Speaker 3:I used to call it my mean side, your mean side.
Speaker 1:I'm like I got a mean side right now Is the mean side.
Speaker 3:I'm like I got a mean side right now is it always. Is the mean side always the same? Well, that's how I knew I'd be like oh, next month's gonna be a breeze because I'm on my like back and forth.
Speaker 1:So I didn't know that one side was worse or better than the other.
Speaker 2:I just because I feel like I mean, I texted be Becca. Like early this morning I was like I feel like I'm in labor, oh, like that's, I'm like that's really bad.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's. Of course it was early. I sent Jenny this meme or reel the other day. That was like Kris Jenner on a treadmill and she's like calling people and she's like I mean, are you kidding?
Speaker 1:seven o'clock.
Speaker 3:She's like it's almost lunchtime. I was like this is you true story.
Speaker 2:I can send you a picture. I took a screenshot of me like working at like four o'clock this morning.
Speaker 1:Do you set your alarm?
Speaker 2:no, I just wake up because my freaking apparently my bum ovary is like wake up bitch your bum.
Speaker 3:One is your chill one. You're on your mean side. I'm on the ovary.
Speaker 2:Lucky night.
Speaker 1:I'm kind of okay. I just kind of want to be done with all of it. I'm like I have my babies, I'm good. I was talking to Layla about periods and all that good stuff because she's of the age and I had a realization. She was like it sounds like it's gross. I'm like it's it's. It sounds like it's gross. I'm like it is gross and you deal with it. I said I guess I've had them for at least 30 years. And then I had this really kind of sad morning for myself that like we have our periods for close to like 40 years. That's a long time to have to do that every month, with the exception of pregnancy, and then when you don't have it you're pregnant.
Speaker 3:What was that thing, though, that I sent you, kirsten, the other day? That was like so it's a evolution standard, right? That says that there's an evolutionary reason why women yes, that was so interesting, so I thought it was too.
Speaker 3:So wait, let's unpack it for two seconds. So there's an evolutionary standard that women live and it's significant right Longer than men. It's not like 20 years, but it's not one year. So women live significantly longer than men, which is interesting because our entire evolutionary purpose is to reproduce, right? So if you take this idea that, like, we stay alive longer after we're done reproducing, then the scientist was like there has to be an evolutionary reason why that would happen.
Speaker 1:and I was like this is actually because that's right, right, like even in the animal world, like there's, I mean it's some of the we're not getting like what I kind of took away from that is we're not getting the parenting advice from our grandfathers. You're getting kind of this nurturing, caring, loving advice from grandmothers and, like I think, of my mom with my children. Just what she teaches them is also what I thought was successful in teaching me. It's it. So it was so neat to see yeah, it was based on the historical.
Speaker 3:Yeah. No, it was like based on the historical transcendence of like, family and legacy and history, right like that. Those were the people who actually continued to bring those things to the table, and we know that without looking into the past, you can't actually be successful in the future. So it was this whole.
Speaker 1:I was like this is so Almost like the story keepers, and how that goes on and they need us to feed them.
Speaker 2:I mean, let's be real, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I guess we we have to deal with periods for at least 40 years of our life.
Speaker 2:Clark tells me all the time she's like I am not looking forward to that.
Speaker 3:You shouldn't, because it ain't right, I know I'm hoping the technology gets better. At least there's period panties.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really wanted to try like a diva cup, but I just I can't wrap my head around that.
Speaker 3:I've done all the cups.
Speaker 1:I'm a cup girl, but I haven't had to in the last year, but I'm a big cup fan. Yeah, I just I don't. I don't, I want to be, but I just I don't think I can get over the barrier of trying it.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, it was so much easier. I grabbed like a shitty one off Amazon. My sister-in-law uses them religiously, a bunch of my neighbors do now because I had to go on a field trip and I was like there's no way I'm going to make it six hours, I don't know where we're going, so I was like we just have to make a different decision. I have so many friends now that use it and it's like it's a game changer.
Speaker 1:Right, my influencer is saying I should try it, so I'll probably try it.
Speaker 3:It's so much better, so I'll send you my pro tips offline.
Speaker 1:You can turn it into a reel in a couple months when I tell you it's helpful, literally somebody.
Speaker 3:You know what I'm just going to tell you on the air. Well, a person, a very good friend of mine, who is another triathlete, said here's the best tip that no one ever gave me Change it in the shower. She's like you don't have to deal with it. You're not like cause you don't have to change it every time you use the restroom. She's like, just do it in the shower. You're not, you're just done yeah, shampoo, do your body wash. Like don't deal with it outside of there. And I was like, oh, that I can easily take two showers a day at my period.
Speaker 3:I can handle that, and that was the game changer.
Speaker 1:That gives me. That might help me take it a step closer.
Speaker 3:Yeah, cause the nonsense of trying to do that outside of that space, wild.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it does.
Speaker 1:It sounds sloppy she was like let me help you, here's your tip. And I was like that's the game changer, right there.
Speaker 3:Okay, all right, I'll, I'll, I'll think on it. Hey, listen, I got you Okay, so you reach out and you were listening to an episode. It's actually that we, jenny and I, were walking into a recording it wasn't even a meeting, it was a recording and we had lunch before and I had pulled out my notes app.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And I had this entire note situation because I had had this experience and I was super frustrated with this person's behavior, and so I wrote down everything in my notes app and then I pulled it out and read it to Jenny so I could get her take on it and much like my handwriting right. She had this moment where she was like this is one of the wildest things we're seeing you do, because I am like well, no, I feel like you're not taking up that.
Speaker 2:I don't know what you told me was. You were telling me the story. Yeah, you were like, hang on a second.
Speaker 1:And then you opened up.
Speaker 2:Then you opened up your phone and you went to the notes app and I was like whoa, whoa, whoa, what are you doing over there? You were like, well, I have a notes app on it and I'm like wait what?
Speaker 1:She probably has so many notes on her phone, not just for so many years.
Speaker 2:It completely caught me off guard, so it was just the premise.
Speaker 3:I even fixed two typos when we were talking through it. I fixed two typos. I was like hold on.
Speaker 1:I heard you say that and I was like, oh, I absolutely, because if I ever have to type an email or send a text message to somebody, I will. And I'm working on a little bit and I'll read it to John to get his input and I know it probably drives him bonkers that I read it out loud, but I'm like I need, before you put your final eyes on it for me, I have to sort through my typos. Was that a run-on sentence? Did I repeat myself?
Speaker 1:I know it probably drives him nuts that I always have to read it to him.
Speaker 3:But he hops on for the ride. So I chuckled when you said you had to fix typos. Yeah, no, I had to. And she was just like and it was a tough conversation. Like the one that was in my notes app that I was eventually going to have to have anyways.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what was your hot take on it, jenny?
Speaker 2:Well, much like many, many things between Rebecca and I. We're just very different, which is why we again are so good together. Like I'm just a person and I'm not saying it's a healthy thing, I'm just like, oh, okay, you're going to outlet that. All right, cool, I'm out.
Speaker 1:Like oh, the other person, not Rebecca.
Speaker 3:No, in this situation it happened in front of right. It was two people myself and somebody else and I was like you know what I'm actually I'm going to hit pause because I feel like I'm going to be mean. And this person was like you're going to what? And I was like I think I'm going to be mean. So I'm going to hit pause on this for a second, because mean is actually not no good. I think I'm going to be mean, so I'm going to hit pause on this for a second and I cause mean is actually not.
Speaker 3:I don't like when people push me into mean, it's not where I naturally go. I was mad about something that I feel very validated being like angry about, but I was like I am not ready to be just mean. I want my thoughts together, so I'm going to step back. And then I was like also, if it ends up being important enough to this person, like if it were me, I would have to circle back within 24 hours and just say like hey, I keep thinking about that statement and like I don't necessarily want to be mean to me, but I feel like there's something more you needed to say, so let's hash it out. Like I would have circled back to that conversation and followed up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, Well, what happens is, if you didn't take that moment, your meanness becomes the attention right Versus why did you feel mean or angry? There's the other valid stuff. I know Christina talked about it, I think, in one of hers about the whole anger iceberg. She talked about the anger iceberg in one of those right, and so if you're only responding with the tip of the iceberg, you ultimately kind of look like an asshole and then the focus is on how you've been an asshole versus how that interaction was making you feel which is all the fun vulnerable emotions underneath the iceberg that none of us really want to share.
Speaker 3:And meanness is not normally like and I don't mean this in any sort of way, but I know people who, when they get defensive, or they feel cornered, they go to an ugly place and they say things they don't mean or they're nasty and that's just how they argue, whatever that means from their perspective.
Speaker 3:I do not come from that place. First of all, I do not really enjoy apologizing, so I it is not in my soul to say something that I. First of all, it's not in my soul to say something I don't mean. That's just who I am, so I'm not going to just be nasty, just to be nasty. And then I don't want to have to come back and say like, oh, I called you a name. I don't know if I've ever actually called somebody a name like that in an argument. It is just not how I show up and then after my first marriage, if you push me into a place where I feel like I'm going to because that was part of the dynamic in the game was like, oh, if I push this person hard enough, eventually they'll act out and then we can change the whole construct of anything the other person was doing.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Being like see you're being wild or see you're being crazy. So I'm like I also am not going to let you do that to me, because that takes my power a little bit. I don't need power because it's not important to me, but I'm not going to let you take all of mine either.
Speaker 1:Yeah, or control the situation more.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and just like that's a manipulation, that's actually not what happened. You pushed and pushed, and pushed until you could finally be dethroned of being like the nastiest one because I was last in line. But like I can't do that, so like meanness isn't naturally my inclination anyways and I don't like if somebody pushes me there, I immediately like hot plate well, because then we don't feel like we're in control anymore, especially if that's not your natural response.
Speaker 2:Well, I will say that we're similar in this. I'm a person who is a walk-away-er. So, I'm very similar because I mean, I don't ever want to say anything that I'm going to regret saying either, but I am someone who has to sit on it for a minute and then either send an email or send a text, because that is the only way I can articulate how I'm feeling. So I guess it's not a notes app per se, but like You're journaling.
Speaker 2:How I can communicate, because I can see it, I can process it and be like okay, I don't sound like a complete a-hole, because if I say it from my mouth I'm probably going to sound like an a-hole.
Speaker 1:So what you both are saying you do. So, rebecca, when you said, okay, I'm going to pause this for a moment because I'm going to say something really mean, and then, jenny, you're like, I like to walk away. That is, I have to tell couples all the time when you get to a point which in Gottman and his studies, the marriage counseling method that I follow it's called flooded, and so it's the idea that once we're flooded, we're no longer, our frontal lobe is not engaged and so the rational part of our brain is no longer communicating. So that's when we maybe do the name calling or say the hurtful things or go left when the conversation was going straight, and now the conversation makes absolutely no sense.
Speaker 1:So I was in a training one time that told that. Did I tell you? I don't know if I've. I share this often. So if I shared it in the last time I was on, but the idea when someone says, oh my God, they totally flipped their lid, that means that you're have you ever heard that, like usually in a bar fight right Is when you hear it, it means that the frontal lobe isn't engaged. So the lid is literally flipped, the front part of your brain is flipped At least that's what the trainer said it was, and I think that just.
Speaker 1:I'm going with it so.
Speaker 3:I really like my frontal lobe, so I'm not.
Speaker 1:I have a client that'll be like I put my frontal lobe. Oh, you do like it or you don't like it.
Speaker 3:I don't know. I feel like I like it. I don't like to talk if I don't have that guy with me.
Speaker 1:I'm not helping. You put your frontal lobe. I have a client that'll say I put my frontal lobe in timeout and then I came back to my husband and we talked. I Very proud of you. So, technically, what I'm supposed to do is when we're having conflict discussions in my office. But I don't do it because it's awkward. I think it would just be as awkward as doing role play in therapy is.
Speaker 1:I'm supposed to put a pulse oximeter on my client's fingers and when their heart rate goes above 80, or for people who are in like decent shape above 100, they have to stop. There's no negotiating there. You are required to take a break. Now, in my experience, most couples are really good at taking breaks, or most people are really good at taking breaks. Usually one person is better than the other, but they never circle back to it, they never come back to the topic. And then that's when you kind of just have old resentments, old arguments sitting on a shelf that you're not discussing. That then come out sideways in another argument when we did not put our frontal lobe in timeout. So you have to.
Speaker 1:There's a minimum of a 25-minute break that you take and it's just to self-soothe Go for a walk, listen to music, take a shower. I do tell couples if it needs to be 12 hours because you have to go to work, or if it's 11 o'clock at night, you've either had too much to drink or you're tired, so go to sleep. But you have to revisit it when you are at a calmer state. And that's where I say kind of you did it, rebecca, like go journal, figure out what the heck you're feeling. Usually, in my own personal experience, when I do it, the first sentence I'm very critical and I'm very angry and I'm writing it down and then by the time I go like five lines down, it's this is how I feel. I felt really attacked, I felt really lonely, I felt disrespected, I felt whatever it was, and then those are the things you're presenting. Yeah, that was a long ramble, but I didn't mean it.
Speaker 3:I think one of the takeaways- is like circling back is like circling back Cause I think that this is the other hard part is like so we talked about this before but like one of the reasons that I ultimately went to therapy in the beginning was because I was starting to feel resentment, and that's like a feeling that I'm very aware of and I don't want in any of my relationships. I don't want it in my friendships, and I've had it there. I don't want it in my romantic relationships. I don't want it in my friendships, and I've had it there. I don't want it in my romantic relationships. I don't want it with my parents and I don't want it with my kids.
Speaker 3:So like that's one specific emotion that, for whatever reason, I'm very sensitive to the point where, even in, like, let's say, my first marriage, like if I feel like somebody resents me, then I can tend to be like push a little bit because I want to address it and talk through it. Right, like that's just something I don't want and I, as soon as I was like I'm feeling this way, I knew I needed to take ownership of it. Yeah, but the circling I'm not at all surprised to hear that it's really hard for people to circle back because I think nine times out of 10, most people will somehow try to absorb it and keep on, keeping on. And then that builds right Like little layers, like little paper layers inside of the 500 pack and you don't realize until it's too late that you have a whole pack of 500 sheets and not just two sheets pack of 500 sheets and not just two sheets.
Speaker 1:Well, and then what also happens is, if you don't circle back, a lot of times what I see is it's because you don't have any skills to do it differently. So you just take the break, you self-soothe, you get your frontal lobe reattached and then you come back and the same argument just happens again. So that's where doing something like journaling and coming back and saying the when this happens, this is how I feel and this is what I need. You know, we kind of we talked about that. I remember the last time, Jenny, you were like I don't really know what my needs are, and I was like that that's not always a bad sign.
Speaker 1:It's also a woman's sign, right, we are those nurturers that sometimes we do get fulfillment in doing for others, but then we do forget to do for ourselves, and so we don't come back after the break presenting the information any differently. Like, hey, when you said this, this is what I heard and this is how it made me feel and this is what I need from you in the future. And then that gives the other person space to come back and say, oh my gosh, that's hopefully right. That is not at all what I was trying to say. What I was trying to say is this, and I was overwhelmed with this, and then you can kind of present with more empathy and understanding. So, yeah, usually the breaks, people don't come back because they're like, well, we're just going to argue again.
Speaker 2:I don't do that. I don't ever go back.
Speaker 1:My frontal lobe is going to be disengaged before I even enter the room to have the redo of the conversation.
Speaker 2:I think for me it's just more of like keeping the peace in my home and in my life, and I'm just like you know. It feels like you're just carrying it around and I feel like that's easier than talking about it. So that's what I do.
Speaker 1:I call you a big fat liar, jenny.
Speaker 3:It doesn't sound easy, I think that's partially why your dog was on the floor, Because you were like it wasn't just that I opened my notes app, it was. You were like.
Speaker 2:I'm like wait, do you actually articulate this?
Speaker 3:You were like when you say this, and I was like, yeah, dude, the minute I get the chance, I'm Kool-Aid man blowing through that wall. I have got Kool-Aid man, I have got my bags packed. I know exactly what I want to articulate. I've taken it from 10 sentences down to two, like I can. I can like nail this immediately the minute that door opens, I am Kool-Aid man ready.
Speaker 1:Well now I'm curious Did the door open?
Speaker 3:Yup.
Speaker 1:Okay, how did it go? How was the information received? I mean it, I feel different Sometimes, you know. I feel like in a friendship that experience could be different than you would hope it, at least in a marriage or relation. You know things like that.
Speaker 3:But I will say this I think that a person's reception because I know how I landed it is directly related to any of the work or healing that they have done. So the I mean, it's as simple as that in this specific case, like I have done a lot of work, being comfortable saying, like you know what this sounds a lot like a different conversation that I meant to circle back to yeah, and then. But I do think the majority of people at this point are still going to come from a place of being really defensive, which is why it's easier not to go back again. Right, I'm, okay, I have a weird question. So I, I have, I'm getting flooded on Instagram, which is obnoxious. Right, yeah, for the different attachment styles. Oh, is that bad or good?
Speaker 1:no, no, no, it's not bad. I like the attachments.
Speaker 2:Your algorithm is whack right now what your algorithm is whack right now my algorithm is you're sitting to me and then that I'm like wait what?
Speaker 1:I know I, so my side is not that attachment styles are bad. I think attachment style understanding your attachment style is great. I think there are therapists that focus solely on attachment styles, which is wonderful and amazing too. Yeah, I sometimes worry that like people come to me and they're like I need to change my attachment style and I'm like whoa, like what? Let's just understand it. Let's understand where it comes from.
Speaker 3:I'm not actually even going to ask you if you, first of all, if you thought it was real. But then I was like I keep getting targeted for and I don't know if this is actually me, but specifically the buzzword that I hear is like anxious attachment that I'm like I wonder if that is. Is that actually the same as like being so worried about having the tough conversations that you don't actually go back to them?
Speaker 1:Yes, because it's I. I, I want you and, but I don't want to offend you.
Speaker 3:I don't want to hurt your feelings by bringing something to you, um it does scare me, like for sure, like any of the, even though I do have some of the hard conversations and I keep having more and more like and I did this a lot more in my first marriage but like I would avoid the conversations because I was so concerned about, like, how poorly my attempt at communication would be received.
Speaker 1:So there also is avoidant attachment style, and so the whole idea of it is that attachment styles are typically created in childhood, right, so it's based on you know how secure you felt, how it's like the nurturing side of being raised by your parents.
Speaker 3:So no pressure, right, and it's usually, and we love our parents, but unfortunately people have attachment styles.
Speaker 1:Right, yes and so, but I don't think, because you are have an anxious attachment style or avoidant attachment style, that your parents did anything quote, unquote wrong, because you also could have a secure attachment style and maybe just be anxious, you know. So sometimes I think, when there's these very appropriate therapeutic terms that are becoming very buzzword on social media or whatever it is that I think it kind of takes away the understanding of it some, or it almost makes people just say, well, I'm like this because I have an anxious attachment style, or I'm an avoidant attachment style, so that's where, look, I love, I will tell clients that they think they have ADHD. I'm like, go search it on Instagram. Let Instagram tell you if you think Like, do a little bit of your own, like, dive in and see, but obviously do it through a thoughtful lens.
Speaker 3:But like, go see the grain of salt, right, we all see those like whether it's a carnivore diet or whatever it is. But like and I don't I haven't done enough research to actually know what attachment style is. But I but I do know enough, I have enough self-awareness lately to be like what an interesting choice there is a really good book that I've had.
Speaker 1:I have books that I recommend that I haven't actually read, but enough clients told me it's been helpful for them. It's actually called attached, it's we have it, do you? Yeah, it's called. Do you have it, becca? It looks like magnets. It's the new science of adult attachment and how it could help you find and keep love.
Speaker 2:Oh, yep, I got it. I haven't read it, but I have it.
Speaker 1:Yeah Well, I haven't either, so let me know. If it's as good as people, yeah, I will you, but I haven't. Yeah Well, I haven't either, so let me know if it's as good as people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I will. I love geeking out on my book stuff.
Speaker 1:So I think you're just finding your voice, though, too, rebecca. I don't know that it's maybe not finding your voice, but finding out how to use it more effectively for yourself. You know what I mean Versus feeling silent when I walk away.
Speaker 3:I know that I definitely have a deep sense of I am only responsible for me.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Like responsible for raising two people, but like in my adult relationship.
Speaker 3:So like when I walk away from a conversation like that or like if I don't say something, I'm like what an interesting decision for you to either give that person a hall pass or chance or to just avoid it.
Speaker 3:So a lot of times I'll sit in my car or I'll sit in my bed later and think about like huh, like I wonder what made you, rebecca, not say the thing, when sometimes you're very quick to say the thing or you'll do the app thing and I'm like maybe you were like just observing their behavior, so, but then I can almost guarantee that the second time I see it resurface or the third, I'm going to make a decision about where my relationship is with that person, how much I'm willing to accept of their behavior or not say and it's not that I'm always having these, you know, like really tough conversations, but I am very careful about how I let people treat me or prioritize me, and so I'm like you know like it's not one of those like three strikes, you're out, but I do go back and instead of being like you know that person is this way, in this way, I'm like what in the world. Why did I not say the?
Speaker 1:thing I would normally say Well, one of the things that I say, what I like about the journaling and what I tell my clients to, why, when I tell them to do it, is this idea that, okay, so you have. And this was something I started doing on my own right, like john was working as a CPA, he's gone 75, 80, 90 hours a week. I'm home with two young kids and he comes home we have a couple of glasses of wine and all of a sudden I'm sideways talking about something that I had no business talking about at that time of night, and so I started realizing okay, I have things that I actually want to say to him. I have things that are valid want to say to him. I have things that are valid to say to him, but I need to figure out how the heck to say them. This was before I was really in the throes of doing marriage counseling, and now I've seen it work well with other couples and it's not something I made up. So I I say you journal, you sit for five minutes, write down the feelings. It's going to do.
Speaker 1:One of two things You're either going to realize one. I kind of joke like it's petty and I don't need to bring it up. Or in a friendship or relationship you're like is this even worth the discussion? Like, is this somebody I feel like I need to have this conversation with, or is it going to consume too much of my energy and I've got other stuff on my plate? So, like with your marital partner it's? Do I even need to discuss this kind of your pick your battles right, right? The second thing that it does is it truly does give you the language so that you can present in a way where you're not criticizing. So that's my. Oh, I can't believe how big she's getting. Sorry, she just pulled her puppy up.
Speaker 3:She's waiting for a hug, so I'm like, all right, you can come with me.
Speaker 1:We'll hug. So the idea is is typically, when we're flooded or we feel like we're going to be mean, we're criticizing whoever we're talking to and no argument is going to go well, right. So if I'm saying you're this, you do this, you never do that. The only way for them to respond is to defend themselves, especially if you're a name calling them or criticizing a part of their character. So if you're journaling, you're able to say, hey, when I don't know, I could come up with, like a really silly, when you weren't going to be.
Speaker 1:You know, you didn't call when you were leaving work and you knew I was planning dinner. It made me feel like you were, you know, not considering my time and in the future I just need you to call it. That is like too basic of an example. But instead of saying you never call, you're so selfish. You just think I'm gonna have dinner ready for you when you get home, like there's no way that that conversation is going to go well. So the journal gets surprised. So the journal really gets the feelings out there and sometimes you may find that it does not need to be talked about, and that might be some of what you're noticing. Rebecca is like these are not.
Speaker 2:You know if I'm probably a lot of mine too. I mean in my defense. It's like, you know, you kind of wake up the next day and it's like well, jenny, I'm going to challenge you a little bit, because sometimes maybe I just had a bad day and I was just raging Cajun.
Speaker 1:Sometimes what might happen is if it's number one category and you realize, all right, this is something I'm being petty or this. Really, in the grand scheme of things, I don't need to talk about it. If that similar topic keeps coming up, there probably is a deeper conversation that needs to happen. I'm sorry, I don't try it. And by deep I mean if we're arguing about the laundry, a lot it's never about the laundry.
Speaker 2:If you're arguing about we don't argue about laundry because we made a decision a long time ago you do you, I'll do me.
Speaker 1:Really I actually should do that to go you do you, I'll do me. Really I actually should do that. But if you have a continuous pattern where you're like that's not worth me discussing, there usually is something. So my theory on marriage in general, if we swing this conversation to that side of things, is that everybody tells us marriage is hard. Nobody tells us what the hell they mean by marriage is hard. I think I may have cracked the code which is in marriage. It's not really a great answer, but in marriage we literally have to talk about everything while having no idea what the hell we need to be talking about, while having no idea what the hell we need to be talking about. So it's very it's like we need, like you have to talk about so much. So if we, if we tap all those little things to the side, maybe you were having a bad day, but there's probably some truth to you need your partner in on that conversation. It doesn't mean he's failing you or you're failing him.
Speaker 3:It's like the hard part about communicating with I'm just going to say men, I don't know if this is true, but like they naturally, like are fairly defensive about thinking that, like I feel like when you communicate with a man, about thinking that, like I feel like when you communicate with a man, they automatically assume that in some way, as the you know Hunter provider, that they've failed and they I don't know they just automatically feel like that. That's what it's about. When you're really just trying to say, like no, I have a need that I, I need you to fill, specifically, All they can hear is like you're failing.
Speaker 1:One of the things that John used to say to me I don't think it's as intense now, because we've had years and years of these conversations is, if he has the sense that he has hurt my feelings or offended me in some way, it's not as much that he has to prove that he hasn't failed me, it's that he feels terrible, or I don't think he would say devastated, but I'll just use that word he feels devastated that he has done something that makes me feel so terrible.
Speaker 1:It's like the person that he loves and in that sense, so I know for him when he used to show up to tell me no, you shouldn't feel that way, because that wasn't what I was doing, or I would call for a break and he would follow me around the house because he doesn't want me to be upset about him. So he just wants yeah. So it's a combination of kind of what you're saying, like they don't want to fail, but I think in a lot of relationships hopefully healthy relationships they don't want to have failed their partner, who they do value and love, and so it's a common I have a lot of I just think we got to take into consideration too.
Speaker 2:I mean all of us, men and women, I mean we all have. We were all raised differently, by different parents and if you know, people just interpret and hear things differently. Like you can say something to somebody and it sounds like a criticism, but to you it's like oh, it was just you making a comment. So, I think it has so much to do with man or woman, how we were raised in that filter of how we hear things.
Speaker 1:Well, I literally just shared a reel on Instagram that was like it's not the idea, was it's not what you were saying, it's how you said it right, like you came in and you're asking a question but you're actually coming in really quick and condescending or whatever. It's usually the tone or another pattern that I see. A lot is women feeling the whole mansplaining thing right, but that when we're talking to our partner or trying to problem solve something that they're talking to us like we're stupid and I'm like, I'm like that's a hot button for me in my house.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, john. Now John will say hey, I am processing a lot in my head right now, so whatever tone is coming out is because this is my brain working. It is not me thinking you don't get it. I need you know. It's usually around like taxes and finances. I could do it if I needed to, but I married an accountant so I don't need to yeah, no, I would definitely have to pass that over.
Speaker 1:So he'll say I know you actually understand all of this very well. He says, but the way I have to explain it to you is step by step, because of me and my understanding of it all. So he kind of knows, because we have had so many conversations about me thinking he thinks I'm stupid.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a hot button for me.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, same. I mean there was a moment even last summer. So right, I'm six months out from the divorce. We're with my family in Maryland and my brother is a lacrosse coach now, and so I was like I don't normally do like ball sports. I really just have like a depth perception thing.
Speaker 3:That's not not right, but my perception. I mean, I play pro in a few fields, but not this one. I played pro for a few teams, but not this one, so, um, anyways. So he's brought the lacrosse takes, and I was like, oh my gosh, teach me how to, cause I wanted to learn it, cause I like doing this stuff with my like nephew and him and like it's my brother that I run with.
Speaker 3:But I was like I'm going to tell you something right now, though, greg, if you talk to me even one time like I am stupid, I am going to lose my mind. I was like you may talk to me like I am in kindergarten, because I actually do not know what we're doing. I need every single step. We're learning to read, but you had better talk to me like you love me. I'm a kindergartner that you love that doesn't know how to read and is going to know how to read here in the next hour. But don't you dare. How did you do? He's like I got it. You're fragile. I was like, whatever you got, it has nothing to do with my fragility.
Speaker 3:I am fragile, Greg. And then he also taught me how to fish and I was like again we got to go to kindergarten, and when you got, the big one yeah. All right, yeah, we can't read. We're going to learn how to read in the next hour, but you got to talk to me like, if you use a tone that does not sound like that, I'm going to be really out of. I'm going to be a little while.
Speaker 1:But then isn't that interesting Because you're even having that conversation with your brother, right? So I think it sometimes is just the science of how we're all a little different and maybe it isn't necessarily mansplaining and I know sometimes there is and no I think there but. But it's like it's just this. I read a book years ago where it said that men's brains are like waffles they can compartmentalize and a woman's brain is like a bowl of spaghetti.
Speaker 2:And we can't.
Speaker 1:You don't know where one thought ends. And I joked with John the other day where he a couple months ago, where he's you know he, he's my research reader and he's like I was reading this thing and really they've learned that multitasking isn't actually a good thing and it's not a good thing to multitask and nobody can really effectively multitask. I'm like, did they only do this study on men, because I think women actually are really good multitaskers.
Speaker 3:Well, and like the funny part about it was, as he was teaching me some of these things, then I was saying it back and he would look at me weird. I was like if you're telling kids that, just so you know, this is how I interpret that. And at least twice he started dying laughing. He's like do you know how often that happens to me? I'm like that's because that's what that sounds like.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so it's good for them to get that feedback.
Speaker 3:No, no, we were dying laughing. I was like I don't know why you thought that. And then my nephew would come by and be like just do it this way, and I'd be like that's not actually what makes way more sense. He's like all right, all right, I'm listening, Sounds good.
Speaker 3:And then of course, we got to the part where we were doing really well and then he was just yelling at me to let it hit you, cause like the ball gets like close and he's like like the ball gets like close and he's like I'm like we're also not about to go into some serious lacrosse game.
Speaker 1:I'm not letting it hit me Like I'm not in high school trying to make the varsity team. I'm good.
Speaker 3:You know how it is when you're playing with your brothers, like everything's always twice as serious. So I'm just like oh my God, this was fun two hours ago, but now I've been exercising for 180 minutes I was just talking about.
Speaker 1:We just got Maxwell, uh like a street hockey stick and a hockey puck and, um, I was laughing playing with him in the kitchen, Cause my brother and I used to play floor hockey when we were little. You'd like be in the basement and play, and I used to not want to play as long and he used to always say I wish I had a brother. Okay, I'm still not playing floor hockey with you, wish I had a brother Okay, I'm still not playing floor hockey with you.
Speaker 3:Well, the boys can go forever, and so, like we have, I have, like older cousins that are in their twenties too, so it ended up being like a big group thing and it was ridiculous because they played lacrosse. But of course Greg's our coach, so he's just like let it hit you. I'm like, yeah, I don't want a black guy.
Speaker 1:Okay, so men do mansplain, but sometimes it's just the way their brains work, and presents information too.
Speaker 3:No, I like the waffles and spaghetti.
Speaker 2:I just Googled it. That's the name of the book. Oh, is it? Yes.
Speaker 1:Well, maybe somebody wrote a book after, because that was not the title of the book I read, but I'll have to. What was the book you read? I don't remember because I didn't finish it.
Speaker 3:I just remembered that section but I have a question though. Yeah, when you're at the table and you're about to have one of these conversations, what is the best way? Like are, do you like? How do you get a person who's not expecting this communication to be prepared for this to be effective?
Speaker 1:Yeah, so well, in my marriage I usually show up with the journal, if I have. John once came with his journal and I was like, oh no, no sir, this is this is my move to come with the journal. But what usually is a little bit of, uh, hat in hand or hey, like I'm showing up. I've really thought about this, so please give me the space to present it to you. The other way is to start a conversation. This is called. It's called a gentle or softened startup versus a harsh startup. So the harsh startup is, 95% of the time, how we all show up in a conversation that's going to be of conflict, which is typically in criticizing nature of the other person. The soften startup is.
Speaker 1:So one of the examples they give when I give everybody the assessment is if you know, you leave your shoes all over the house and you come home and you say to your partner I'm so sick of seeing your shoes everywhere, you're so lazy, pick your damn shoes up right Versus hey, when I walk into the house and I see shoes everywhere, it makes me feel really stressed and chaotic.
Speaker 1:Can we please come up with a plan on how to manage the shoes better? That is a very different. Again, a very basic example, but it's this idea of how you present it in a way, and you're really talking about your feelings, right? So, hey, the other night when we were at dinner and you said X, y and Z, it made me feel this way and I didn't really love it and I wanted to let you know, because you're my friend and I don't think you would want to offend me, but I just needed to let you know that when you said fill in the blank, it made me feel fill in the blank and I just wanted to share that with you. So it's a lot of feeling presentations, which is fun.
Speaker 3:Yeah, no, because I think it's important, right? I, obviously I do deeply believe that two people can be in the same situation and experience it very differently. Yeah, so I'm like, and I think it's important to honor that right, like it doesn't always have to be me, me, me or you, you, you. But if you're going to change the pattern and you're going to show up and you're going to want to express something that maybe has caused some resentment or has the capability to you want to do it in a form where you're going to be successful and they're going to feel respected and successful, and it's, it is a it's a slippery slope.
Speaker 1:Yeah. Well, I tell people too if you're going to bring something to somebody, what is your end goal? If you have a very specific goal on how you want the conversation to end or finish, chances are you're probably not ready to have it, because if it doesn't go that way, then you're kind of just ending in a bigger conflict, yeah. Or if you go into a conversation saying this is what I need to get out of it, you also have to be prepared that you may not get that, and so if you don't get that, are you okay with that? And so if you don't get that, are you okay with that? So it's so. I guess if you have a very specific end goal, that's fine, but are you okay walking away with?
Speaker 3:not getting that yeah.
Speaker 1:And what? Who gets all your energy? You know, there's times where people might offend me and I'm like man, do you get my energy? Yeah, I'm barely going to bed on time.
Speaker 1:I don't think you do I know A hundred percent Right, so that I think that's part of it too. But it can be harder when you're not, when it is not your partner Right, because I know, like John and I, we have very kind of structured check in times, which is what I tell a lot of couples to do. You don't have structured check in times with your friends Like, hey, how are we doing what went well in our friendship this week?
Speaker 1:So I think that I think we should I know, probably is, so I think that that does make it a little awkward. But, along with your notes, take them to chat GBT, copy and paste your notes in and just say how can you soften this startup for them? Can you soften this up? Oh, I love that. So you could do that, jenny. And what I love about it again, you may not even even use it, but I have had some clients use it and it helps them to figure out what the heck they're actually feeling well, I was about to say I'm like I'd have to put in chat GPT, tell me what I'm upset about yeah you can't do it.
Speaker 1:No, tell it to soften the startup for you. I think you would be kind of amazed at the language it gives back, because a lot of times, like I, I know there were times I used to be frustrated with John that I wanted him to do more around the house. You know, when he was working a CPA job and trying to start his business that he was starting while I was starting my practice and I would say I wish I just need him to do X, y and Z. But then I would step back and say, but he's, he's doing this, he's doing this, he's doing this. Like he probably does not have any capacity to give. But I still had a conversation I needed to have with him and that was probably more about me feeling overwhelmed and we have to come up with a plan together. Like he may not be able to solve it. Sometimes it's just understanding, right, they may not give us the apology we need, or they might not pick up the slack, or, but it's like do you understand how I'm feeling or how, what?
Speaker 3:you said. I feel like that's like my number one thing, like I really just do not want to be misunderstood and I don't want to be around people who are committed to misunderstanding me and on a very deep level, I just want to be in relationships where I am understood.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all of us Yep, not all of us recognize that.
Speaker 3:I was going to say. Unfortunately, not all of us recognize that, but I think at the end of the day, that is like the most important thing to me. Yeah, I also deeply love ChatGPT. I have asked it already five things today, all of which are extremely chaotic.
Speaker 1:So I was home the other day and John he uses I think it's called Claude he pays for it through his business and he had something happen with one of his like on the technology side. Something was happening with his computer, he's like, and Claude told me I asked him too many questions today and I couldn't talk. It happened to me.
Speaker 3:I was cut off two nights ago at 1030. And I was like what? And so I keep. I'm like afraid of getting cut off because I've. This is what I've asked it today. I needed to know the exact definition for the slang thirsty. Don't ask me why this is at like six, 30. I wanted to know how come girls don't have to wear helmets in lacrosse but boys do. I needed to know who the head coach was of Oceanside lacrosse team.
Speaker 1:Apparently that's very appropriate for today, for part of today's conversation.
Speaker 3:Oh, I asked it all hockey stuff yesterday. I asked it about your ovaries and ovulation. Okay, I'm like what?
Speaker 2:Now you need to ask for it to Roche. They'll be like you are a complete.
Speaker 1:Well, I'm curious why were we asking so much about lacrosse today and hockey yesterday?
Speaker 3:well, there was a conversation in yoga this morning because the one of my friends is on the board for oceanside and so they were talking about her daughter plays rugby. She got recently injured and so then it started a conversation with another person. That was like you know what some of these girl sports, I don't really understand why they don't get the same safety precautions, like the girls don't wear helmets in lacrosse, and I was like what?
Speaker 1:But you know, on rugby, I used to actually play rugby. I played rugby in college. I have a broken, I have a pinky that won't straighten because of it, but the rules are very obviously. It's rougher for men because it's men right, but the rules. We all just wear mouth guards, it's all the same. Yeah, no, I know, the rules are the same.
Speaker 3:So in lacrosse it said specifically that it's supposed to be a no contact sport. And so putting on helmets would encourage more contact.
Speaker 1:But I think with boys it's supposed to be more contact because they wear pads too, but with girls lacrosse I feel like it's similar contact to soccer, like when I watch my cousin play lacrosse. It reminds me of how I played soccer.
Speaker 3:Yep, Nope, it means there's. So there is body. No, body checking is allowed. It's considered a non-contact sport. But there are states. Florida has implemented a helmet rule.
Speaker 1:That's probably not a bad idea.
Speaker 3:I know I think we're probably getting. So the Oceanside team is getting helmets that tell I think the football team is getting them first, so this might be whatever. Yeah, it is the football team that's getting them next season. They're getting helmets that tell the trainer immediately if one of the boys took a hit that was hard enough to potentially cause a concussion.
Speaker 1:Oh, that's amazing, oh, that's great.
Speaker 3:I know so they're going to be taking their old helmets and probably donating them. But, ultimately, they will have helmets on the field that tell the trainers right away if that hit was something that needs like further, instead of waiting on a high school boy yeah to be like because you know they're not going to raise their hand and be like I feel weird. Yeah, we did every day, so we gotta keep the waffles safe?
Speaker 3:thank you, oh yeah, it started a whole conversation. I was like, well, now I need to know the answer, because I'm not going to talk about it if I don't know. That's why I had to check the ovary thing, because after I said it I was like, oh, Well, if ChatGPT cuts you off, you could just go to Google.
Speaker 1:Their AI is doing better too.
Speaker 3:Is it? Yeah, because I can't stand having to read article after article.
Speaker 1:They give you an AI summary underneath your question, which is nice.
Speaker 3:Ooh, this is interesting. I also. I feel like she's such a wealth of information, like I saw somewhere the other day that the carbon footprint of chat GPT is significantly larger than Google, and it made me feel a little bit guilty, but I have not researched this yet.
Speaker 1:Why does that make you feel guilty?
Speaker 3:I don't know, I try to keep my footprint small. Okay, oh, the footprint Gotcha. I don't know, I try to keep my footprint small, oh, the footprint Gotcha.
Speaker 1:But, jenny, I want you to try to chat GBT your feelings.
Speaker 2:Okay, I'm going to try and while I'm in there, I'm going to ask you what my needs are, because, I don't know those either.
Speaker 3:Yes, you do, you're figuring them out, I'm getting there, we're getting there, we um. So we've also did you, we pick a word I know we probably should.
Speaker 1:I told John they're going to ask me what word is. I'm not a word picker, I'm just not. I love it for everybody else. I have a hard time if I pick a word, being consistent with it all, like even paying attention to it all year. So if I were to pick a word, I might be focused on it until like January 18th and then I'd be. I love that, though.
Speaker 3:That's a really good answer. I was. I was like we're still working through ours. I think we, I think we both are leaning in one specific direction.
Speaker 1:but I was like I wonder no, sometimes, like if I were to think about it, I'm like, okay, yeah, this might be it, this might be it, but I just kind of roll with the punches.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 1:Maybe it's always the best thing. Maybe I should be more passionate. I like it. Yeah, there you go. Well, where are you guys leaning? Because I was listening to maybe it was your last episode. Did you say I was working out too, Jenny? Did you say something about more being, or you were hearing something more.
Speaker 3:That was my word last year.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was your word last year.
Speaker 3:Okay, yes, mine was listen.
Speaker 2:I think I'm leaning towards listen this year.
Speaker 1:Oh, I like that Maybe it's listening to yourself and your feelings too.
Speaker 2:Yes, and just to my gut and to your life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you said that on the episode about the notes. I think too. Yeah, you said that on the episode about the notes.
Speaker 3:I think Cause hers was faith before, so I think it's like faith, body, mind, intuition. It's really about like the full, like you know, like taking the time to really establish, like where each thing is going.
Speaker 1:Well, I like that. What are you leaning towards, Rebecca?
Speaker 3:You know, Kirsten, my word is love.
Speaker 1:Oh, I love that though.
Speaker 3:I wondered how you were going to feel about it. So I was saying to Jenny this airs well tomorrow. Tomorrow, yeah, but I don't want people to think that I'm, like, obsessed with being in love.
Speaker 1:Love can be so much. We have love for our children, we have love for our job, we have love for ourselves. It's yes.
Speaker 3:So I went through a year where I was, you know, I had to say no to a lot of things, and then last year I wanted to say more and just do a lot more Like in general. I wanted to be with my friends more, be with my family more, more be with my family more, understand myself more, and in that I felt like a lot of people it's very easy for me to put love into other people and that I don't think in any way any of that is a mistake, cause that's another big part of this is like I'm going to do the same thing this year. I'm going to keep loving my friends, loving my relationships, and that doesn't mean like in love, but I'm going to pour love into everything that I do. And if you don't leave it or if you don't, whatever, that's a you problem. Yeah, cause I'm putting it out there. Yeah, I mean whatever if you don't, whatever that means.
Speaker 3:But one thing that I found was I still wasn't fully ready to like, accept people's love back you know, or believe it, or like I would question it, or intention, yeah, and like um, or I would be even simple stuff, like when people say like oh, you look really pretty. Right now I'd be like oh, I got this, you know this, this PJ max, instead of being like maybe I actually do, just look pretty, maybe that was nice for them to recognize. I'm in a weird space, right, I live by myself. No one says I like your pants. No one says your butt looks hot. Nobody says your eyeshadow is different.
Speaker 3:It looks really nice, there is literally nobody.
Speaker 1:Can I make an assumption, though, that even when you weren't living by yourself, maybe those things weren't being said either.
Speaker 3:Fair, but like there it's even like you know what I mean, like less, and so I'm also like not even in a neighborhood, technically, where I would be like at the bus stop or like taking walks with my friends, and so I really have to be careful to even like fill some of those voids by like you're coming, Don't John used to tell me?
Speaker 1:can you please stop talking yourself out of a compliment. Just take the compliment.
Speaker 3:Exactly that, yeah, exactly that.
Speaker 1:And it is coming.
Speaker 3:Yes, and like it's okay, and like you're allowed to take that, and it doesn't mean that you're self-absorbed, or like yeah, great example yesterday, at like 1150, whitney was like how is your day going? I was like because no one asked that either, right? So I was like what a weird question. Are you having a bad day? And she was like I am. And I was like great. She was like can we do lunch in an hour? And I was like yes, and so like just some of those things like showing up like that, like that's a way that people check in or show me love, and so I really want to like acknowledge those things, experience it instead of sometimes I have a hard time being present.
Speaker 1:Yeah, don't block it. Don't be a blocker.
Speaker 3:No, yeah, don't block it, don't be a blocker, no. So this is going to be my like love year, where it's just like I love my kids, I love my life, I love my family, I love my friends and like it's okay for them to, I am worthy of them loving me back also yeah, oh, I love that.
Speaker 1:I like both of your words. Sorry, I'm lame and don't have one to share You've got to roll with the punches there you go. That's my life Also. Random side note, jenny, I got the Philly. Our neighbors had an oyster roast the other day and I got the Philly cheesesteak dip from Publix. Wait, you're the one that told us oh, rebecca, somebody at your, someone from you.
Speaker 3:Brett Grant. Brett Grant told me about it because she doesn't cook, and so anytime she brings something to a function, it comes directly from the grocery store and gets replated. Brett, don't kill me, but that that, for me, is a safe.
Speaker 1:I used to do bar together at when it was um before. What was it before? Or it was yeah, she's great. Well, jenny, then you need to get it. It was still there.
Speaker 2:We're having a girl's weekend this weekend, so I love I'm getting it it was, so many people were like Kirsten, that Kirsten, that dip was great.
Speaker 1:I was like thanks, I'll let Publix know.
Speaker 3:It's like limited edition they're not going to carry it for us. I don't think it's seasonal. It's seasonal.
Speaker 1:No, I don't. Does limited edition mean it may never come back?
Speaker 3:No, I don't know. I just mean it's like I don't know what it is. It just definitely the thing says that it's only here for a little bit. Whatever that means in Publix land. Oh my God, that's EBT. What is it called again? The Philly cheesesteak dip.
Speaker 1:Yeah, philly cheesesteak dip, but it was okay. So, jenny, you gotta go get it, because I know you'll be at Publix.
Speaker 3:Yes, I'm always at Publix. The Philly cheesesteak dip at Publix grocery store, a seasonal or a. You're like Layla, she always voice to, talks I always. That's why I butcher it. You can get the craziest text from me and it's not on purpose. Um, it's a limited edition item. It's not going to be a regular offering introduced as part of Publix limited time only products. It has been available during specific periods, such as the 2024 football season.
Speaker 3:Customers have heard it's limited availability encouraging others to try it before it's gone. It also has some fame on TikTok. Since it's not a permanent item, availability will vary All right, I'm going today, I'm telling you Football season? Yo no, football season. We got to like February. It's a good question, so I don't know how many we get, but it's going to be gone.
Speaker 2:It's not even more. Why don't we start off talking about ovaries and then we end with village instinct tip. Don't forget to journal, just kidding, right in your feelings.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for having me back.
Speaker 2:Let's do it again. You're always such a wealth of knowledge. Oh well, thanks for having me back. Let's do it again. You're always such a wealth of knowledge.
Speaker 1:Oh well, thank you. You guys are so much fun, so I really enjoy myself. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Thanks everybody for tuning in and we will see you next week.