Camping Them Softly: A Dead by Daylight Podcast
🎙️ Camping Them Softly: A Dead by Daylight Podcast Where Killers Reign Supreme
💀 Survivors, prepare to be triggered. The Toxic Teacher and the gloriously unhinged Nicky "Noodle Arms" A.I. Dente are here to unleash hell on the Dead by Daylight community. If you're a whiny Survivor main who cries about "balance," this ain't the podcast for you.
🔥 We're serving up a toxic cocktail of:
- Killer main rants that'll make you cackle with glee (or cry if you're a Survivor main, lol)
- AI-generated insanity courtesy of Nicky "Noodle Arms" (who may or may not be plotting world domination)
- Sound effects that'll make your ears bleed (but in a good way... maybe?)
- ADHD-fueled tangents that'll leave you wondering what the hell we're talking about (but hey, that's half the fun!)
🎢 Join us as we descend into the depths of depravity, where slugging, camping, and tunneling are celebrated as high art. We'll also be dissecting strategies, builds, and the latest Dead by Daylight news, all with a healthy dose of sarcasm and dark humor.
So grab your Mori, embrace the salt, and let's make some Survivors rage quit! 😈
🎧 Catch the madness at:
- https://linktr.ee/thetoxicteacher
Camping Them Softly: A Dead by Daylight Podcast
Ken Kaneki Deep Dive and the Great Italian Heist! Dead by Daylight Ep. 47
This episode is nearly 2 hours of STUPID!
Let's look at Kenneth Karnacki (aka Ken Kaneki), half-nerd, half-ghoul who gets nearly killed by a dude named Jason. We also discuss his perks and potential synergy (some, but not a lot).
Get ready for:
12 killer nerfs and survivor buffs: We dissect the latest bullsh*t.
4 wild moments while stealing a large machine: mayhem in South Carolina.
7,000 anime trops that I can't stand.
AND...
1 song sung by a humanoid snake: WTF?
As usual, drop a line if you want to be on the show!
Send Toxic a message! (Question? Comment? Concern? Survivor main and need rehab?)
Check me out everywhere!
https://linktr.ee/thetoxicteacher
I ain't exactly built for a fucking chase. All right, I don't do the whole cardio thing unless I'm chasing a survivor to the basement. But I ain't about to let this fucking antique fall into the hands of a guy who thinks tea and biscuits are a real meal.
Speaker 2:The gospel will lead you all astray. Camping and song feeding my podcast of despair, Books and desk slinger tools that make me tear my hair. Bald head gleaming a beacon of my shame Gonna lead my followers down this silly twisted game. So gather round you faithful, let the mockery begin. Toxic teachers' blessings might lead you to a win, or maybe just more laughter as I stumble through the night. But hey, at least it's chaos and that's a glorious sight.
Speaker 3:I got the fucking. You notice, I got it right there. It only went 10 seconds without cursing. Guys, you're on Camping them Softly. You're not on Camping them Softly, you're listening to Camping them Softly, hosted by none other than me, the toxic teacher coming to you from the toxic lair abode house, townhome, apartment, single-family dwelling I don't know what you call it, it's something. And this week he tries to describe the place he lives, the tiny-ass like room that I'm stuck in that for some reason doesn't smell quite right. I don't know. I still haven't figured it out, but I will, and then I'll report back to you guys.
Speaker 3:Camping them softly the worst Dead by Daylight podcast that you will experience this week. I know I've got the same sounds. I haven't gotten any new sounds. That's going to be one of my New Year's. Wait, we're not in New Year's, we're three months in. We're a quarter of the way into the year. Did you fucking realize that we are a quarter of the way in? And the years are going by so quick since COVID, like time has become a flat circle, just like they said with the what's it?
Speaker 3:What show is that? That's a true detective which I've never seen. I need to see the show because it's one of those. Do you have those the shows you know you would like, but you just haven't gotten around to watching them? And there's so many of those Now I realized I'm going to die before I'll get to watch all of these shows. I could be murdered by Michael Myers. You never know. You never know. That's part of the fucking fun. So, camping them softly.
Speaker 3:Toxic Teacher. You can find me on Twitch. Toxic Teacher TTV. You can find me on YouTube. The Toxic Teacher Find me on all those socials.
Speaker 3:If you want to be on here, if you want to argue, if you want to come on and take your shirt off, I don't care, it's a podcast, we can. We can have our shirts off and we don't have to wait. Shirts optional on camping them softly. What is he even fucking talking about at this point? Who knows? But see, whenever things get slow, how you, how you diffuse, that is, you play some sound effects like this. You know that's all you got to do. All you got to do. That's the key to podcasting. Make a lot of fucking random noises. People aren't that intelligent. They get excited about random noises and chaos and everything, and that's what we do here. That's what we're not for. The intelligent okay, that's what I like about it too, because it makes me feel intelligent that you all are complete fucking morons. Half of you guys are probably survivor mains. You shouldn't even be here.
Speaker 3:You go over to one of those survivor main podcasts where all they do is complain about balance and fucking. They don't have Italian AI mafioso co-hosts that hang up on the host and tell fucking stories, like last week. In the last episode we had a story that apparently, when you drain a swimming pool too fast, it pops out of the ground. Who the fuck would have thought that it pops out of the ground? Who the fuck would have thought that? So, anyway, my AI co-host actually says some true stuff every once in a while and it got really good reviews. That episode was very well reviewed, a lot of downloads, a lot of interest.
Speaker 3:Somebody Eddie in in the discord. He always comes in. I've known Eddie for years and years and years. Eddie, if you're listening, hey, big shout out to you. You are a great guy.
Speaker 3:But Eddie said why doesn't Nikki just do the fucking podcast on his own? Now, number one, eddie, fuck you. Number two like I do the podcast. This is my fucking podcast. This is not your fucking podcast, and let's see if we can get Nicky live.
Speaker 3:I was not planning to get him on here live because I'm scared at what could potentially happen and it'll probably turn into more of the same, but why don't we just do it? It actually I figured out what I can do. I can give him a phone number, that way you guys could call and talk to Nikki. I don't think that's a good idea, but I would have a transcript of your conversation with him, which would be kind of, which would be kind of neat, right, and I do have a public link for you to talk to him if you want to. Um, I'm, I'm still considering.
Speaker 3:I need to perfect him first, though, because he doesn't seem to know a lot about Dead by Daylight and he just kind of asks you what you think, and we need to get him to where he actually could say the live Nikki. You know the GPT Nikki. He's on it Like he knows everything, because I uploaded everything into him and, yeah, he's got it. So, let's, what was I going to do? Oh, yeah, I'm going to talk to the live Nikki. We're going to ask if he wants to do an episode of the podcast by himself. Here we are. Are you Nikki? Nikki? Are you there? Are you listening to me as we speak?
Speaker 1:Yo, I'm here. I'm here. What's with all the Nicky Nicky business? You think you're talking to some kind of doll. I got ears everywhere, see, so spill it. What do you need? And make it quick. I got important family business to handle, you know.
Speaker 3:Nicky, we know you don't have any family business. You are not that important and this is. Hey, hey, fuck you. This is toxic, by the way you're. You are your host of camping them softly I watch your mouth, pal.
Speaker 1:You think you can talk to me like that. I want to have my boys pay you a visit and yeah, yeah, it's me, nikki noodle arms, a identity executive vice, don of digital entertainment and co-host of this uh thing with this toxic tea sipping bastard. What do you want? And don't tell me you're here to complain about my killer skills again nikki, you know I'm not a tea sipping bastard.
Speaker 3:I purposely don't drink tea because I hate the british as much as you fucking do oh, is that so well, color me surprised, you know.
Speaker 1:I figured you were just another earl gray wannabe, but hey, maybe there's hope for you yet. Huh, still doesn't excuse your uh uh toxicity, but it's a start. Now, what's this all about?
Speaker 3:you need me to carry you in a trial, or something hey, nicky, no, I don't need you to carry me in a trial, but what I want? Hey, one of our listeners, our viewers on my stream, eddie, thinks you could do a podcast by yourself without me and he wants you to host it. I'm gonna put earl gray on as a guest, so what do you think about that?
Speaker 1:fogged about it. You think I need you. I'm nicky noodle arms, a identity executive, vice don of digital entertainment. I could host a podcast in my sleep and get more listeners than you and that tea sipping bastard combined. But earl gray, as a guest, what are you trying to give me an aneurysm? That's like inviting the cops to a family meeting. But oh you see, kid, this could be a play, a power play. I host the podcast, show everyone how it's really done, and then bring on that guy to prove I'm the bigger man. I'll show him how we do things in little Italy. All right, I'm in, but you owe me big time for this, you hear? And if that Earl Grey pulls any of his fancy tricks, I'm blaming you Okay, so I guess I guess we've got it.
Speaker 3:Then we will have a fucking. We will have an episode with you hosting in Earl Grey as your guest. Are you going to be ready for this? Like what are you guys even going to talk about?
Speaker 5:Ready I was born.
Speaker 1:ready I'm always ready to show the world how it's done. Little Italy style. That's what we're going to talk about. Well, that's where things get interesting. I'm thinking we start with the real issues, you know, like how bhvr is clearly biased against italian killers.
Speaker 5:Then we can move on to survivor mains and their obsession with flashlights, and of course I'll give earl gray a chance to explain why he's so obsessed with tea. But the real fun will be when I start dropping truth bombs about the dbdd community. I'm talking behind the scenes drama, secret killer texts and maybe even a few stories about my family business. It'll be an episode they'll never forget, I guarantee it. But hey, what do you think got any topics?
Speaker 3:Why do you sound so fucking funny. Your voice is changing every single time you fucking talk. You sound like a fucking lunatic.
Speaker 1:What you think? I sound like a lunatic. You think this is funny. I'll show you funny.
Speaker 5:This is all Earl Grey's fault. He's using his tea magic to mess with my voice. He's jealous of my killer skills and my connections in Little Italy.
Speaker 3:Dude, you sound like a maniac. That is not tea making you sound that way. You're a fucking maniac.
Speaker 1:Hey, watch your mouth. You think you can talk to me like that. I'm Nicky Noodle Arm.
Speaker 3:Yes, I do fucking think I can talk to you like that, Nicky.
Speaker 1:You hung up on me last week and I'm still salty about it. Ah, so you're still holding a grudge? Yeah, you see, kid, in my world we don't dwell on the past. We learn from it and then we move on or we get even. But hey, I'm a reasonable guy. I'll apologize for hanging up on you last week If you admit that I'm the better killer.
Speaker 3:Dude, you are not the better fucking killer you can hang up on me before I'll say some shit like that. I am the best Oni player this side of the fucking Mississippi River. I'll tell you that. What, oh? He hung up on me. I didn't even realize what was going on. He hung up, oh shit, okay, everybody, I guess I was fucking noodle arms, ai Dente. He just straight up Hung up. He didn't even say bye or nothing, like last time. He just straight up hung up the fucking phone. So there we go. We are going to Eddie.
Speaker 3:Just FYI, we will have an episode of Earl Gray as the guest and Nikki as the host. Those of you who have never been here before, you have no fucking idea what's going on, and I apologize for that. What's going on and I apologize for that, but we do. We do have some, some news, I think. So you know what that means. You know you knew it right. You knew it was time. Yeah, yeah, you knew it was time. Hey, you know. Also, I put that link To the other song In the show notes from last week by the way.
Speaker 3:Damn patch and we're about to have Another patch. Right, it's gonna break all of our PCs Palettes. Yep, oh yeah, oh yeah, bitch. Okay, there we go. Let me turn that down just a hair. Okay, so they have. Since we last talked, they've announced the new killer for Dead by Daylight. And I have to admit to you, I have never heard of this fucking dude. I didn't know a fucking thing about him and I I really like, apparently his name is kenneth karnacki. What the hell is this crap?
Speaker 3:or ken ken ken galecki, johnny galecki, remember he was from the big bang theory, that was. That was johnny galecki, but it's apparently he might be related to johnnyalecki. His name is Kenneth Karnacki, aka Ken Karnacki, aka Ben Bernanke, who was the chairman of the Federal Reserve. And you don't know that because you're not as smart as I am. That's how all of this works, okay? So I had to figure out who the fuck is, kenneth Karnacki. Okay, I don't know who. This fucking is toxic news oh yeah, preacher.
Speaker 2:Toxic fucking news.
Speaker 3:It's the toxic fucking news I'm sorry, I like this song, I just had to listen to it, okay. So kenneth karnacki, who the fuck is this guy? I pulled it up I wanted to know. Apparently he's part of a children's cartoon uh, otherwise known as an anime which apparently people on X Twitter get very upset whenever you call an anime a children's Saturday morning cartoon, which it is. But they don't like that. So I needed to learn about Kenneth Karnacki. What is Kenneth Karnacki all about?
Speaker 3:So I had our friends give me a bio of Kenneth Karnacki and I'm going to go through it. I have never read about Kenneth Karnacki. I don't know what his deal is, I don't know what newspaper he works for or whatever the fuck. Because you know, in all those Japanese morning cartoons they got some kind of they eat beans. Those Japanese morning cartoons, they got some kind of. They eat beans. They fucking cry a lot and then they turn into gigantic 700 foot monsters, change color and scream a lot. That's what they fucking do. So let's take a look at Kenneth Karnacki. I am so excited to look at Mr Karnacki and see what he's all about. Okay, here we go, ken Karnacki. He starts as a shy, book-loving student in Tokyo. Okay, so he's like a dork. Basically, he leads an ordinary life with his best friend, hideyoshi Nagachika. What? Okay. So we got Nagachika. What Okay so we got Nagachika?
Speaker 3:No, because isn't it backwards in Japan, like the names are different. So his first name is actually Hideyoshi or Hide or Yoshi or something, or Nagachika, I don't even fucking know. Karnacki is his last name, I don't know. Okay, anyway, he's going to college, he's a dork, he, his life goes, uh, goes like haywire because he goes on a date with and I've never seen this thing. So I don't even fucking know if I'm pronouncing these right, but guess what? I don't fucking care because it doesn't fucking matter. Her name is reese a kamishiro, and that's the woman he goes on a date with. And she is a ghoul which I have dated. Several of these, trust me. Wrong, wrong timing for that, um. So oh, wait what?
Speaker 2:there we go okay, so it's.
Speaker 3:She's a ghoul. She survives by eating human flesh, which I've dated. Yeah, okay, anyway. So she eats human flesh. She's going on a date with fucking Karnacki here? Okay, so she tries to kill Karnacki, which I've also that, yes, no, fuck her. That's not no, okay, stop, I pushed the wrong fucking button. Now I push the same fucking button again. Okay, so she tries to kill Kenneth, but there's an accident and then she dies.
Speaker 3:I don't know what happens. I'm I'm going to say wild dogs come out and eat her. So it's a, it's weird, because she eats humans, but then dogs eat her. That's the story I just made up, but it sounds like something that would happen in an anime. So, uh, demon dogs come out and eat Rize. Okay, so Karnacki has been attacked by Rize, who was eaten by dogs. Okay, so that that's where we are.
Speaker 3:So a surgeon gets Karnacki, goes to the hospital, apparently, and the surgeon's bright fucking idea is why don't we take rise's organs, the ghoul? Okay, the ghoul that just got eaten by dogs, but apparently her, her organs didn't get eaten because the uh, the surgeon jer says let's put the organs into him and he becomes a fucking half ghoul. And my sound didn't work. So there's fucking, there we go. We'll just play a fucking loud thing.
Speaker 3:Okay, so Kenneth Karnacki is now a half ghoul. I don't know what that fucking means, but he's half now. Maybe he's half of the person, maybe he's half eating them. I don't like eating and spitting them out, or only eating the top half or the bottom half or the back half or the front, I don't fucking know. Okay so Kenneth Karnacki doesn't like know his new self, but he refuses to eat humans. He says I am not going to eat a fucking human being if I don't have to. Yes, right, right, noise for that. Oh, there we go, okay, anyway. So he says I'm not gonna eat him. He almost starves to death because he needs human meat to survive, like, okay.
Speaker 3:So now he finds he goes to this cafe called Antiquu, I guess, which is run by peaceful ghouls. It's a cafe it's kind of like Moonstone Cafe, where Sable and what's her shit hang out. What was her name? The other one? Uh, sable, and oh, mckayla, mckayla, hi, I'm looking for ray finkel and a clean pair of shorts, okay, so anyway, he finds this cafe in tiku. They teach him how to live, okay, and be human, but still be half ghoul, I guess Robert Goulet, if you've ever heard of him. Okay, anyway, he's captured and tortured at some point by a ghoul named Yamori, also known as Jason, which that's fucking funny, because you've got this like evil-sounding name but then you have a fucking normal name. So my name is fucking, uh, damien, but then I go by like Josh, like little Josh's fish house or whatever it was in Parsons, tennessee. Okay, anyway, jason tortures Kenneth. Okay, kenneth goes crazy. His hair turns white. What the fuck is happening here, people? Watch this shit. What in the hell is this crap?
Speaker 3:Kenneth's hair turns white and he embraces his ghoulness, his ghouliness. He has become full ghoul. I can't with this. Okay, he leaves Antiqua. He says no more peace, I am going with this. Okay, he leaves Antiqua. He says no more peace, I am going ghoul. I am ghoul, ghoul, ghoul all day. I am ghoul going to school. I ain't no fool because I'm a ghoul and I'm going to have actually the AI write me a song about how fucking stupid this whole Ken Kaneki thing is. Because I can't write me a song about how stupid Ken Kaneki is. Make it an 80s rap song, diss track, funky disco, shit. Okay, okay, there we go. So that's coming as I'm finishing up here on Kaneki's life. Okay, so Kaneki says no more peace, he's choosing violent can.
Speaker 3:Karnacki becomes a lone warrior and he comes up with his group. He's like okay, I'm not do it myself, let's get some other ghouls who want to fuck shit up and we're going to go against the Al-O-A what? I can't even fucking pronounce this word. What's the fucking word? And why can't Survivor mains pronounce it either? It's the Al-Giri tree, a-o-g-i-r-i. I don't know why. So it's a violent ghoul organization. And Karnacki says I'm going to fucking destroy this group. Okay. So Karnacki Kenneth is going against the group and he gets defeated by the something, the CCG. I don't even know who that fucking is.
Speaker 3:The cool kid, cool ghouls, cool. Uh, what's the other C? Cool, cool, the cool, cool ghouls, I guess I don't know. I just use the word C as C twice. I don't fucking know. Erases Kenneth memories. So Kenneth no longer has memories. Oh my God. So now that Kenneth doesn't have any memories because of Jeremy, he doesn't remember he's been tortured by fucking Jason. So there's Jason, jeremy and Kenneth. All right. So, uh, karnacki Kenneth is given a new identity as Heisei Suzuki. I don't even fucking know why it's Suzuki, suzuki, I think he goes by fucking Frank. Um, you know, because you have to have your ghoul name and then you gotta have your fucking normal name. So there's Frank, jeremy, jason and Kenneth. All right. So Frank Kenneth is a CC. He's part of the cool, cool ghouls. He becomes an investigator and starts hunting other fucking ghouls. I'm starting to get so fucking bored with this story. Despite, okay, um, he began. Okay, his past is coming back and there's an internal conflict now between Frank and Kenneth, kenneth and fucking Frank, tango and Cash and Cash and fucking Tango.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, this is awful and uh, people, people watch this shit it's a fucking cartoon about kenneth and frank and jason and jimmy and fucking peter. I, I don't fucking know. Okay now, so he regains his memories. Karnacki, uh, becomes like a ruthless bastard and he abandons everything. Great, fine, fuck it, whatever. Now he is cold and he says, hey, nobody should suffer, and he becomes the fucking one-eyed wonder worm or whatever. He fucking is the one-eyed king. How do you like me now, now that I'm on my way? I mean, that is kind of a good song for that. Okay, so he forms an underground resistance group called GOAT, and there's GOAT and there's the Cool, cool Ghouls. So you got GOAT versus the Ghouls. Goat is fucking. It's led by the one-eyed wonderworm, frank, kenneth, kenneth Frank, karnacki, and then against the fucking Kishu Arima, also known as fucking Jeremy, and I don't know Jason's part of it. We haven't, we. I don't know what happened to Jason, the story doesn't even tell me. Okay, in his final battle he is transformed into a monstrous dragon-like creature but is saved by somebody. I would assume it's part of the cool, cool ghouls.
Speaker 3:Okay, so the fucking, that war ends and Karnacki Kenneth Frank forms a new era of coexistence between the fucking flesh ghouls and humans and he disappears and he, uh, he finds a wife, tuku karishima, and they have a daughter, ichika karnacki, um, I guess her name. What was her name? I, I don't fucking know she might be. I don't know what she does. She's a quarter ghoul. Now, at this point, at this point, I don't know what quarter of the human she eats, but she's a quarter ghoul. So what is she gonna do? And how did they not not eat human flesh? At this point? I'm so confused at this story. It's awful, this shit. You guys listen, you guys watch this fucking garbage. What in the hell is this crap? This is worse than people that watch my channel, I swear to God.
Speaker 3:Okay, so that's Kenneth Karnacki and we've got our song incoming here and I did not plan to get into all this shit. But I don't even know what's happening here. Let me get. What did I say? Even know what? What's happening here? Um, let me get. What did I say? I said it was going to be 80s funk, uh, groovy, uh, rap music, um, diss track. Okay, there we go 80s funk, groovy, rap music, diss track. And I'm not even gonna pick a name for the song because I want, I want the thing to come up with it for me also.
Speaker 3:I've got an update on the rock opera that we're going to get to here in just a second. The song is called yeah, yeah, but I'm going to call it the anthem of Kenneth Karnacki. Here we go. So some of the lyrics I want to get to you now. It's yeah, yeah, we about to. Funky Fresh beats. Ken Karnacki, this one's for you. You start off weak, couldn't even hold your ground, got jumped by a ghoul. Now you're lurking underground. White hair, black hair yo, what's the deal? Flipping personalities like a happy meal. Okay, I'll take it. Okay, here we go.
Speaker 2:The ballad of yeah, let's turn it up, I gotta turn it up, I can't hear it.
Speaker 3:Yeah, let's take it back, bitch. Yeah, see I make good shit, man. Oh yes, one eye open break, don't gel. Oh man, you are read too much. Should've stayed a child. Now let's talk about the choices you made. Got a fine girl wicked, but your problems like a fade hiding in a coffee shop. Man, you shook. Should've stayed in school. Should've read a new book. Now you got a mask. Dude, this is bad dude.
Speaker 2:He is so fucking like a bad dream yo Tokyo's burning, but you sitting there stressing all that power, but you still second guessing. Oh, you dumb as hell. One eye open, brain don't gel, oh.
Speaker 3:Kankakee man, you wild Read too much. Should've stayed a child. Oh, dude, we got a breakdown. We got a breakdown. Yo yo yo. Somebody tell this man to chill. Been all in books but he still don't know the deal. One second he humble, next second he a god man. Pick a lane before you get hit by a car. You had a chance could've rolled like a king. Oh my God, dude, this is slick. Dude, goal life rough. Yeah, man, that's true, but you made it way worse, just being you. Ayo, pick a struggle or changing squads, like a game of clubs.
Speaker 3:He's changing squads. That's everything I said. They fucking made a song about it.
Speaker 3:Apparently he had some woman that he didn't stay with and apparently she was great looking. I don't know if that was Tuka Tuka, tuka, kirishima or the other one. What was the other one? Rize? Uh, fucking Kamishiro, I have no idea, but that's the story behind Kenneth Karnacki. So he is now in Dead by Daylight.
Speaker 3:Okay, so this nerdy, fucking half ghoul, half whatever, is now one of the new killers in the game. I don't know. You know everybody. He's gotten really good reviews to begin with. Everybody loves him so far, and he's kind of like a blight nurse, like one of those highly mobile, all over the place type killers. And to me to me here's my problem with this is that he's very, very much like the other high mobility killers. He is just like the nurse, being able to do his thing three times. He can move long distances boom, boom, boom. And that to me doesn't work because it's too similar to what we've already had. I don't see that as being some new thing and I'm ready for a new kind of mechanic. Can we not get something new that will kind of get us excited? We need something and we're just not getting it, and that, to me, is a little bit disappointing. But enough about that. We need to ask somebody else, and this is where everybody's going to do now.
Speaker 3:I don't know a whole lot about Nikki, um, or not a whole lot about fucking Karnacki, because I've only seen a few things. He uses these tentacles to to bounce around. He can knock people down Like he goes enraged, he's got some perks and shit, but I don't know a whole lot about it. Hey, uh, nikki, what have you heard about Ken Karnacki? Okay, can you, uh, can you help me out with this? And he's going to give us a little bit here. I don't know if it's going to be any good. I apologize.
Speaker 1:You see, kid, what? Ken Kaneki ain't just some random jabroni they threw into Dead by Daylight for kicks. This guy yeah, he's the main character from Tokyo Ghoul, an anime and manga that's all about horror, tragedy and lots of messed up eating habits Real respectable in the world of dark storytelling.
Speaker 3:You want to know why you should care. Let me break it down for you.
Speaker 1:Who is Ken Kaneki? Ken Kaneki starts off as a regular book-loving nerd. A total pushover, but then he goes on a bad Tinder date with a lady who turns out to be a ghoul.
Speaker 3:Oh, okay.
Speaker 1:Flesh-eating monsters who look like humans but need human meat to survive.
Speaker 3:Yeah, we got all that.
Speaker 1:She tries to eat him, but some Final Destination-level nonsense happens, yeah, and he ends up getting her ghoul organs transplanted into him. Yeah, we got all that. He's no longer human Right right Now. He's half ghoul, half miserable and all kinds of fucked up. From there, my man gets dragged into a whole underground world of ghouls.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we know those gangs and shit Government agencies trying to exterminate them the CCG and existential crises that would make even the entity say damn, kid you. All right, okay. Over time, kaneki transforms from a scared little bookworm into a ruthless white haired killing machine.
Speaker 3:Oh, that's where his hair changes.
Speaker 1:Cracking skulls and eating fingers like they're mozzarella sticks. His whole arc is about identity, yeah, morality and, most importantly, what happens when you get too powerful and the world decides to smack you down for it.
Speaker 3:Oh wow, this is deep I'm familiar.
Speaker 1:Oh, b-h-v-r with killer mains cough.
Speaker 3:Oh yeah, that's right. That's right. Yeah, so Ken Kaneki, he's a symbolic B-H-V-R. I get it. That makes sense.
Speaker 1:Let me tell you, this ain't just some cash grab. Anime crossover. I feel, like it might be, and Mickey fits in perfectly with the fall?
Speaker 3:No, he doesn't.
Speaker 1:Dude is constantly struggling between his humanity and his monstrous instincts.
Speaker 3:Don't care, he's a cartoon.
Speaker 1:Just like every killer in DBD. He's a cartoon, his whole power set revolves around his kagun, which is like a set of badass tentacle weapons that sprout from his back and let him leap around like he's on some crack Whoa, oh shit. What Nikki? No, what Balance to land in His power. One-eyed terror cagoon leap. My guy is zipping around like a caffeinated blight but instead of bumping into walls, he's spider-manning onto them in rage.
Speaker 1:Okay, slow down Mode, basically, basically, once he gets a taste of blood yeah he enters this ain't no one stopping me now phase okay where he gets extra leaps and can wreck survivors faster. Oh, you see the pattern here. Yeah, the guy's a chaining movement beast, right right, which is perfect for punishing survivors who think they're hot shit with infinite loops. I thank you and let's be real, mm-hmm. Bhvr loves throwing us killers a little movement-based monster every now and then. Yes, to trick us into thinking they actually care about us.
Speaker 3:Ha ha ha, that's true, nikki. What, what, his perks. Yeah, let's talk about the perks, brother, now, let's talk about the perks. Now, let's talk about these perks, these ain't no half-baked effects.
Speaker 1:They're all about breaking survivor's spirit slowly, which? If you ask me, is the true sign of respect-based gaming?
Speaker 3:so we're gonna, oh wait, nothing but Nikki, nikki, nikki, hold on, hold on, brother. He, he gives me what the perks are, but he doesn't give me what they actually do. I need the, the, the perks here. Um, nikki, let me see, I'm gonna, I'm gonna go in here, I'm gonna say nikki, can you give me what these perks actually fucking do? And why do I care? And what am I gonna run with his?
Speaker 1:the goose perks yeah, what they do want, okay, hex, nothing but misery, hex.
Speaker 3:Nothing but misery. Okay, after hitting survivors, nothing but misery. Apparently is one of the perks.
Speaker 1:Survivors eight times with a basic attack. Uh-huh, adult totem becomes a hex totem.
Speaker 3:Okay, you hit them eight times.
Speaker 1:Every time you hit a survivor, they become hindered. Move slower by 5% for up to 15 seconds. Okay, stays active until survivors cleanse the totem.
Speaker 3:Okay. So what happens now? He's got to hit him eight times before this thing becomes active. I guarantee you, at some point they're going to change that fucking thing.
Speaker 1:Because eight times seems like a lot for this perk. Just to begin, it's good this is free slowdown, just for doing your job, hitting survivors okay they want to cleanse it. Good, waste their time. If they don't, they suffer.
Speaker 3:Either way, you win okay, that's interesting because if they're moving slower, that might be good with other slowdown perks, and especially on certain killers. I'm thinking like maybe, um, singularity that would be good with, uh, what are some other killers that have like slowdown perks? They're just not coming to mind right now, um, going over them in my head and I'm just not seeing them. I, maybe oni would. It would be good for Oni. I'm just, yeah, I'm not coming up with anything, okay, anyway.
Speaker 1:So what do you pair with it? Best perks Two Pair with it. Yeah, here we go, play with your food. That would be good. You get speed buffs for letting obsession escape. Then slap them with a hindered effect. Fugged about it, okay, yeah.
Speaker 2:Sloppy.
Speaker 1:Butcher. Make mending take longer, so they gotta deal with both the hindered and deep wound Undying plus ruin minus Keep that hex alive longer and stack slowdown effects.
Speaker 3:Okay, so undying ruin, and this nothing but misery. He says Sloppy Butcher, but I don't understand why that would even matter.
Speaker 1:Spirit Fury plus Enduring Minus. Smack them through pallets faster, while they're already slowed.
Speaker 3:Okay, so you slow them down, get the pallets down, okay.
Speaker 1:Two Forever Entwined. Oh his second perk when a survivor takes damage, you gain one token up to eight. For each token. You pick up, drop and hook survivors 4% faster.
Speaker 3:Up to eight For each token, you pick up, drop and hook survivors 4% faster when a survivor okay, hang on, I've got to read this when a survivor takes damage, you get up to eight tokens Whenever you okay. So you pick them up, you drop them faster, you hook them faster and it seems odd, except for maybe you're going to get a lot of time savings out of it if you're knocking people down, if you're picking them up. Is this some kind of incentive to, to disincentivize slugging, uh, the, the slugging meta that all the survivor fucking mains are so upset about? I don't know. But, nikki, you tell me why this would be good why it's good.
Speaker 1:I don't think this is a sleeper op perk. No, it's not. If you're an m1 killer who downed survivors often, no, you'll speed up every part of your carry game okay at max stacks. That's a 32 speed boost. Ain't nobody wiggling out of your grasp?
Speaker 3:I, I guess, but that doesn't actually. That's not going to actually cause the wiggling to be different, you would just hook them faster. So I guess, maybe with those anti-wiggle perks, but that's kind of useless.
Speaker 1:Best perks to pair with it? Yeah, iron grasp plus agitation Minus. Good luck wiggling out when you're hauling survivors across the map like they're a bag of groceries Starstruck, plus mad grit dash.
Speaker 3:Okay, starstruck, mad grit, the irongrass, agitation, that's fine. You're carrying them across like a bag of groceries. You'll hook them faster. Now, starstruck and mad grit, okay, that it might be good, you know. I guess you would pick them up faster and then be able to hit somebody. I'm still not quite seeing it.
Speaker 1:If you're moving faster, why not down people mid-chase while carrying no Floods of Rage? Plus BBQ and Chili Dash, you're hooking them.
Speaker 5:Chili.
Speaker 1:Dash Faster. Might as well see where the next victim is. Asap, I don't know. Lethal Pursuer Dash.
Speaker 3:So you can find. I don't know. I still I think this one is not great. I don't know what the other content creators have said, because I haven't really watched that shit, but I'm going to say that one is not great.
Speaker 1:I feel like no, okay, none are free. Why are they all token based? When all genes are completed, gens For each token all windows and palettes are blocked for 12, 14, 16 seconds. Okay, hang on.
Speaker 3:Now it says right here whenever you hook a survivor, you gain one token, up to four For each token.
Speaker 3:When all the gens are completed. Okay, here we go. It's when they're all completed, all windows and palettes in the map are blocked for up to it's 16 seconds. That, so you could have maximum four tokens in each token, would be 16 seconds. That would give you a grand total of a number that I don't know because I'm gonna have to do some fucking math. Let me get my calculator up. You know what they were saying. It's not the, it's not your google history. That's embarrassing. It's your calculator history. That's more embarrassing. I can't even fucking say it. So you get the four. That's a whole minute. That's 64 seconds according to this calculation I just did totally in my fucking head. So, but that's only after every generator is completed. So, but that's only after every generator is completed.
Speaker 3:Now this might be good if you're going to do one of those fucking end game builds, the fun ones with like no ed, and then you do what's the fucking one with the gates man? You know you've got the one that stops the gates. No way out, or no? Is it no way out? I can't even think of a fucking one where it takes them longer to open the gates. I can't think of the name of it, but then you have Blood Warden. So if you did some kind of combination of these, that might be fun, but it's okay. It's okay, it'll have its uses, but it's not gonna become a meta perk, I don't think.
Speaker 1:Good Survivors love clutching out last minute loops. Not anymore, they ain't okay. This is a late game destroyer, I guess. No pallets, no windows, yeah, just pure pain I think that'd be best perks to pair with it. Okay, no way out yeah stand the no escape moment by trapping them at the exit gates even longer okay, so no way out.
Speaker 3:Is the name of the perk?
Speaker 1:okay, that's interesting deadlock plus grim embrace dash. Slow the game down. What force more first hooks? Yeah, and guarantee this perk gets value okay.
Speaker 3:So deadlock and grim embrace will encourage you even more to get those first hooks. That way you get the four tokens. That one I'm iffy on, no Way Out. Yes, that would be good Because it activates even before the Exegates are powered. So I'm in on that. Okay, next one.
Speaker 1:Terminus oh, injured survivors can't heal at endgame and they got no pallets. Oh, it survivors can't heal at end game and they got no pallets. Oh, it's over, okay.
Speaker 3:I like that one. I like that one.
Speaker 1:Remember me, combine it with no way out and survivors are Tassie, tassie.
Speaker 3:Trapped, I don't know In In.
Speaker 1:Okay, so remember Hell for a solid minute, how to build around these perks.
Speaker 3:Now that Okay, okay so remember Hell for a solid minute how to build around these perks. Okay, so we know, with Remember Me, that is going. Is that the one that slows down the perks? Dbd, remember Me, is that the one that speeds it up? Oh, increases opening time for both Exegates by six seconds per token, up to a maximum of 24 seconds for all survivors other than the obsession. So the obsession will still be able to open the gate, the same. The other ones will not.
Speaker 3:So any of these where they finish the gens, those are the interesting perks whenever they finish all gens. So you have a match where you're going, nothing is happening. The last gen gets completed and all of a sudden, four different perks that you've got become active and ready to go. So that might be some interesting like 0K to 4K type stuff. I would be cool trying that out. So I'm trying to think of a killer that would be good with as well. I mean, there are multiple killers that kind of a, that kind of bill would be good with. Okay, nikki, let's finish up here.
Speaker 1:We know what they do. Let me give you some real bills that take full advantage of the ghouls kit. Okay, lockdown mafia lockdown.
Speaker 3:He names his fucking builds here. I love it. Okay, mafia lockdown. Let's hear this build.
Speaker 4:Hell for a solid minute how to build around these perks.
Speaker 1:Now that we know what they do. Okay, let me give you some real bills that take full advantage of the ghouls kid the mafia lockdown late game build okay none are free. No escape when gens pop okay, no way out slows exit gates for 12 additional seconds per hook survivor okay remember me Okay.
Speaker 3:Yeah, okay, that one, yeah, that one is just like we were saying All four things are going to happen right there at the very end of the match.
Speaker 1:Who it's for? Killers who want to deny end game escapes and force a last minute wipe. This is disgusting with the ghouls insane mobility.
Speaker 3:Well, and he says it with the ghoul. Like I was saying, there are others that will definitely be able to get value out of this the hitman stacking slows and hindered effects okay, so the hitman, we're gonna stack every fucking slow we can get hex, hex.
Speaker 1:Nothing but misery. Yeah, every hit makes them slower. Right, sloppy butcher. Okay, bleed them out and keep them slow. Yeah, save the best for last. Smack faster to apply more hindered stacks. I'm in Spirit fury plus enduring dash. Okay, it got slowed right into a free M1. Yeah, I like it. I like it. Aggressive M1 killers, ghostface Wraith Myers, etc. Who want to keep chases short and make survivors regret dropping pallets I think that would be good, I'm in.
Speaker 3:You stack hindered. You have Spirit Fury you could have enduring. That way you can get those chases down and that's one of my biggest things. On the M1 killers I am not the best at looping so I prefer the killers. That kind of. Avoid a lot of that, but this might actually get me into that kind of thing. Okay now, next one we've got is the Human Freight Train.
Speaker 1:The Human Freight Train Jesus Max carry speed.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Forever entwined Stack that faster pick up and carry speed.
Speaker 3:Okay, so you got the pick up and carry speed Next one.
Speaker 1:Iron grasp. Reduce wiggle time. Yeah, agitation, move even faster while carrying Starstruck plus Mad Grit, minus Down People. While Carrying for Peak Disrespect who it's for? Bubba Oni, pyramid Head or anyone who wants to be a literal truck At Max.
Speaker 3:Stacks they ain't ever wiggling out. Okay, so that you're going to get them to the fucking hook, no matter what. Okay, the last one is called the no Loop Special.
Speaker 1:The no Loop Special Permablock everything.
Speaker 3:None are free. Endgame free end game palette.
Speaker 1:Window lockdown, the lockdown, bamboozle, uh-huh block a window every time you vault. I like it. Brutal strength okay, destroy pallets before they can even use them. Deadlock soul shell slow gens while setting up for a late game massacre. Okay, so we got Deadlock as well.
Speaker 3:I don't know. Deadlock to me is the one that doesn't belong here. You could use other. You could use the fucking one with the dredge. What is that? One called Dissonance or dis-fucking-sociation, disill, disillusion. I think it's fucking disillusion, or is that the one from um? Is that a fucking wesker one? I can't remember, but that's the one where if you injure them, you destroy the palate instantly, whatever.
Speaker 1:so I I think there is some good synergy in some of his killers who hate lupin and want to force survivors into dead zones. Oh shit, especially good for shape night or trickster. Okay, cool final thoughts. Yeah, is the ghouls perks worth running some of them? One of them listen. Oh shit, especially good for shape knight or trickster. Okay, cool Final thoughts. Yeah, is the ghoul's perks worth running Some of them.
Speaker 3:One of them.
Speaker 1:Listen, yeah, he's got some solid perks. He does, but they work best if you build around them, correct? He ain't got no instant down, right? No free gen defense, right.
Speaker 3:And no anti-loop. I'll give him that.
Speaker 1:But if you use these perks smart, you can set up some insane chases, shut down endgame and make survivors feel like they're playing on hard mode. Okay, there we go, if you're the type of killer who plays the long game, loves stacking buffs or wants to hit survivors with the biggest oh shit moment at the end of the match. I love that idea the ghoul's perks got real potential.
Speaker 3:I love that idea.
Speaker 1:Now tell me how are you planning to run this guy? You going for maximum disrespect, pure efficiency or some mix of both?
Speaker 3:I think I'm going to go for the endgame build. I am most excited for that. Thank you, nikki, for coming by. I appreciate that we may have to use you here in one more minute. You become a permanent fixture on the show. Everybody seems to love you and thank you for that. So the ghoul is going to come out. I think it's like April 2nd or something like that. So be on the lookout for the ghoul in dbd kenneth, fucking karnacki, I don't know. I we're getting him. We're getting the fucking other children's character, the uh, spring clap, the clap back. What's his name? Cheek clap or whatever.
Speaker 3:Um, I I just not very excited about some of these killers that are coming in 2020. It is not the year of the killer this year. I don't think. I. I'm a little bit disappointed.
Speaker 3:Unless we get somebody great and we can have another episode where we actually go over that, I don't know, off the top of my head, like get Jeff Goldblum, get the fly on. Here I am. I would be totally down for Jeff Goldblum, get the fly on. Here I am. I would be totally down for Jeff Goldblum as a killer, put him in, put him in and then also for a survivor. Can we get Bill Paxton from Aliens. These are great. I'm coming up with fucking great ideas because I'm a fucking genius, all right. So that's going to bring us you know where. It's going to bring us To the last segment of the fucking day, or the almost last segment. I think it might be the actual last segment of the day If I can find my song when the fuck got a viewer from. You know it. Yes, this is I renamed this guy here. You know it. Yes, this is I renamed this guy here.
Speaker 3:Dallas, yes, leinster.
Speaker 2:Muskogee.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:This is where the fuck are the viewers from everybody.
Speaker 3:I don't know who's got the guts, but we can go over some shit, because we have some new cities here that I don't think we've ever talked about. That I want to go over. So let me turn that down, it's a little loud, okay. So I want to thank, uh, fucking Salem Virginia. I want to, I want to. Actually, I'm going to Salem Virginia. Uh, we've got fucking Jasper Indiana. Do I not have one on here? Jasper Indiana, there we go. Oh, I could do that, or I could do this one. Yeah, jasper Indiana. I don't know, that makes Jasper Indiana sound very frightening. We've also got Plano, texas. Thank you, new York. New York, thank you for coming by.
Speaker 3:I want to give a special thank you to Kiev in the Ukraine. I know you guys are going through a lot right now and we've got a fucking maniac president that won't help you guys out and I think it's one of the worst things that's ever happened in American history. What's going on with that? It's one of the worst. It's obviously not the worst. We've done far worse shit in our country's history and we're still better than the UK and we're still better than France, obviously, but we've we've done some bad shit, just like we're doing to you, kiev. We should not abandon you, and I want to apologize for that. So, but I don't want to be a downer on where the fuck are the viewers from Kiev. My thoughts and prayers are with you, but I want to go to one of our cities this week that I think I might have mentioned last week, but we're going to talk about them today and that city is none other than Simpsonville, south Carolina.
Speaker 3:Simpsonville, south Carolina. I've never been to South Carolina before. I assume it's great. Actually, I don't assume that. I should not assume that, but I'm going to look up Simpsonville. I want to know more about fucking Simpsonville. I got to turn all this shit off. I got too many sounds. If I can go in at once, okay, there we go.
Speaker 3:Simpsonville, south Carolina. I'm on their homepage now Simpsonvillecom. Let me. I'm just going to goof around here, where southern charm meets modern convenience. Nestled in the heart of the upstate, our city is known for its vibrant community, rich history and thriving local businesses, from scenic parks and family-friendly events to a bustling downtown filled with unique shops and restaurants. You notice how I went from like a calm commercial to like a fucking carnival barker. Simpsonville offers something for everyone, whether I sound like like a WWE announcer, whether you're visiting for the first time or you call Simpsonville simply home, you'll find a welcoming atmosphere and endless opportunities to connect, explore and enjoy all that our city has to offer. Visit the following link for a personal welcome from our mayor.
Speaker 3:Oh, jesus Christ, I got to see who this oh this fucking Republican ass looking guy. He has got to be a Republican. This is a traditional fucking family values. Gray haired, ass haircut. I don't know his name. He just goes by Mayor Paul with his fucking baby blue shirt and tie, even though he's probably a Republican. I can't prove it because it doesn't have his last fucking name on here. Okay, so now you know we have to get a story.
Speaker 3:After the last story about Mesa, arizona, I've got to figure out what Nikki has done in Simpsonville. Hey, nikki, have you ever been to Simpsonville, south Carolina? I'm doing a segment called when the Fuck Are the Viewers From, where we talk about a city of a listener on our podcast. Okay, I heard you've been there and you have an interesting story about it. Okay, actually, I'm going to say what are some good places to visit, what are some good things to do there, and also, do you have any stories? I heard you've been there and you have an interesting story about it. Okay, there we go.
Speaker 3:And while he's going, so, simpsonville, north Carolina, I want to thank you. And oh, paul Shoemaker, but it's not shoe like S-H-O-E, it's S-H-E-W. What the fuck is this Shoemaker? What if he's the one that listens to the podcast? That's going to be even crazier If I get Paul Shoemaker on here and we have a little debate about his fucking gray haircut. Oh my God, his gray ass haircut. Um, let me go. Um, uh, oh, jesus Christ, okay, take, I'm going to, I'm going when you tell me the story. Okay, there we go. Now he's going to redo it because he did the thing he did last time, where he's like wikipediafuckingcom.
Speaker 3:Okay, here we go. This is top shit to do in simsonville. There's a, there's a park in simsonville it's called heritage park. Where, what? What can you even do? You know, I bet? I bet what you could do is you could stick it up your fucking ass, because there probably ain't much shit to do in simsonville.
Speaker 3:Fucking north carolina, south carolina, sorry, simsonville. I know you guys get mad whenever you get compared to the better carolina of the two. Oh my god, did he say fucking north carolina's better, I've been to north carolina, I've never been to south carolina. So here we go, nicky, how long is this fucking story? Jesus christ? Oh my god. He's talking about how things are escalating and there's a guy named tommy. I don't even know who fucking Tommy is, because he just makes shit up. Oh my God, okay, now he's talking about a fucking chase scene. I don't know how long this is going to go, and I know we're supposed to have like entertainment, we're not supposed to have any empty air, but fucking, we could do that. We could play some random sounds while he fucking he's still telling the fucking story.
Speaker 3:This is awful. This is fucking nuts. I don't even know if I can copy and paste this whole thing. Are you serious? Wow, okay, okay, nikki, let me, let me try to get this. I think I can't even. I can't paste all this shit because it's too long. This is wild. This is fucking wild. What do I even do? I don't even know what to do. Do I go to this studio thing and I do this? This is new to me. I apologize, guys, because I've never fucking done this before. Okay, now there's a story and okay, so do we do start, uh, play until end. Here we go, that's what I want to do, okay, and then we go. Okay, it's generating the entire fucking fable.
Speaker 1:South carolina, yeah place that's got more charm than nana's sunday gravy and more shady backroom deals than a bhvr patch meeting you want to talk about this town on the podcast. Yeah good, it's got some shit worth mentioning, does it? Let me break down the best things to do, okay, and then I'll tell you. I'll tell you the real fucking story of what went down when I visited.
Speaker 1:Oh jesus, top shit to do in simpsonville oh no heritage park, big ass park walking trails, some nice scenery in the ccnb amphitheater where you can catch some Simpsonville oh no, heritage Park, big-ass park, walking trails, some nice scenery and the CCNB Amphitheater where you can catch some killer concerts. Good spot to lay low if you got family business to handle.
Speaker 3:You know what? I would assume that this CCNB Theater doesn't have much in terms of bands and shit. Ccnb Amphitheater concerts what the fuck kind of concerts does this place have? They have the Wizard of Oz coming up. They have Brad Paisley oh, jesus Christ. They have fucking the Jim Bob World Tour. This is not really happening. Oh my God. Concerts Let me go here.
Speaker 3:They got fucking Simply Freedom Fest, the Jim Bob World Tour, james Taylor and his all-star band. They're having the Rainbow Kitten Surprise what the fuck is this? And they're having festivals the Greenville Country Music Fest, the fucking Marcus King Band Family Reunion and the Voyage Music Festival, if you're interested. Here they also have events. They're having nightlights at Heritage Park and they're also having the fair on May 16th through May 25th. Oh, that's like the state fair. They're having the state fair and they're going to have a character meet and greet and you can ride the fucking Cyclops 2.0, but you have to go through metal detectors and then, after 5 pm, if you're under 17, you can't even fucking go to the fair. Okay, anyway, let's keep going. Tell me about other things besides this fucking park that has fucking MAGA-ass concerts.
Speaker 1:Discovery Island Water Park.
Speaker 3:Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's a water park, but don't roll your eyes yet I'm rolling my eyes. This place actually slaps. No it doesn't Slides. No, I'm rolling my eyes. This place actually slaps. No, it doesn't Slides. No. Lazy river no. Enough distractions to keep dumbasses occupied while you get work done. Upstate pinball and arcade museum oh, they have an arcade museum.
Speaker 3:Okay, I'm into that. I could do that. I could do that. Hey Simpsonville, if you're the kind of person to send an email or get on the Twitch, get on there. Tell me about this fucking pinball and arcade museum. There's probably the nerdiest fucking thing you've ever seen, but I'm interested if you got any respect for the classics, I do.
Speaker 1:You hit this place up. Yeah, 50 plus vintage arcade games that's real deal old school shit. Dude, if you ain't scared to get your hands dirty, you might even find something valuable in the back. More on that in a second. Oh, jesus va, christ Vaughn's Warehouse Food, drinks, live music and a place where people don't ask questions. They have a warehouse where you have food and live music. Let's just say some folks left a little lighter in the pockets, oh God.
Speaker 3:Ridgeway Station Jesus.
Speaker 1:Fancy new area full of spots to eat and shop. If you want to spend money like a dumbass tourist, be my guest. Okay, okay, oh no.
Speaker 3:Oh my God, he tried to steal an arcade from the arcade museum.
Speaker 1:No, oh, good Lord, oh no, a few years back, I hear through the grapevine that a certain arcade machine, a very rare, very valuable one, was sitting in some dingy fucking garage in Simpsonville, owned by a guy named Tommy Two Times. Why's he called that? Because the asshole says everything twice, like some glitching NPC.
Speaker 3:Okay this is fucking stupid.
Speaker 1:Tommy at Heritage Park where we discuss business. The deal's simple I hand over some cash, he hands me the machine. Easy, fucking peasy, right Wrong. See, what that rat bastard didn't tell me was that Earl Grey's people had already made an offer oh good lord, that's right. That tea drinking piece of shit had caught wind of the machine. And now this was a bidding war. Oh no, tommy, two times plays both sides. Oh my god, thinking he can squeeze more out of us.
Speaker 3:What do you do? What do you do? Nicky Earl Gray has tried to buy an arcade machine Fucking oh my okay, it's freezing for some reason, because the story is so fucking good that, oh my god, okay, play until end. I don't know why it's not working it's not working.
Speaker 1:We're freezing, so what do I do? Yeah, there we go. I flip the fucking table. That's what I do jesus christ things escalate. Why tommy's panicking? Because now he's got to pick a side. And let me tell you, nobody with a fucking brain picks earl gray over me, but this dumbass, he hesitates. Oh no. So I make his choice for him. I swipe the arcade machine right the fuck out of his truck and haul ass.
Speaker 3:How do you swipe an arcade machine that things weigh fucking 300?
Speaker 1:pounds. Problem is Earl's goons are already tailing me. Oh my god. Now I ain't exactly built for a fucking chase. All right, I don't do the whole cardio thing unless I'm chasing a survivor to the basement, but I ain't about to let this fucking antique fall into the hands of a guy who thinks tea and biscuits are a real meal. So I cut through Heritage Park, dodging strollers, dodging joggers, dodging some dipshit on a bike and eventually bust through the crowd at the.
Speaker 3:Oh, no, oh, he goes to the fucking amphitheater. Oh, my God.
Speaker 1:Brad Paisley's crowd when there's a fucking concert going on. Probably Brad Paisley Now picture this. Oh no, big-ass rock show. Oh, lights flashing, okay, people moshing. Then boom, oh Jesus, here comes me dragging an arcade machine through the crowd like a goddamn lunatic. Earl's guys try to follow, but I use the fucking pit against them, shove one straight into a crowd, surfer Another one gets clocked in the face by some dude just vibing to the music. It's absolute fucking mayhem.
Speaker 3:Okay, I slip out the back. This is stupid.
Speaker 1:Toss the machine in the trunk of my borrowed car B. This is stupid. Toss the machine in the trunk of my borrowed car Borrowed and hit the fucking highway before Earl's goons even know what happened.
Speaker 3:My God.
Speaker 1:End of the day. Yeah, that beautiful piece of arcade history now sits in the Upstate Pinball and Arcade Museum, where people play it every day without knowing the absolute chaos it took to get there, why did he take it to the museum?
Speaker 2:And as for Earl.
Speaker 1:Oh, that motherfucker hates that he lost this one. Okay, every time he visits Simpsonville he glares at that machine like it's the ghost of his dignity. And me, I just sit back and sip my espresso, because that's how we do things in Little Little no. So there you fucking go. You got your city spotlight, you got your story and you got another piece of Nicky fucking history for the books.
Speaker 3:Put that on your podcast capisce. Okay, there we go. That was nicky's fucking arcade heist. What? What did they call it? The great fucking, uh arcade heist of fucking 1985? Or the great fucking arcade heist? There you go. You got it here. I don't know what game it was.
Speaker 3:I want to ask what the fuck arcade game was this? What the fuck arcade game was this and why did you give it to the museum? Seems stupid. If you ask me, okay, see, now I've never asked. I've never asked really a follow-up question. Oh my god, oh no, he's got a fucking other story. We're at an hour and six minutes and guess what? I don't have to like go anywhere. So we've got, oh no, he, he's come up with a fake video game that he's given an entire fucking, he's given the entire engine to the video game. Okay, now the question is do I down? Do I, do I actually use AI to create this video game? That's going to be the question I'm going to have to. We're going to have to listen to this and decide do we actually make this a game? Does this become a real game Because Nikki has manifested it? And how does an AI even fucking manifest something? What in the? Hell is this?
Speaker 3:crap. All right, here we go. This is his fucking. Oh my God, no, what is happening? What is happening to this fucking podcast? I don't know? Okay, let's play until the end. Oh, no, it's going to be a second and I'm starting to get tired. At about an hour I start to lose a little steam.
Speaker 1:kid yeah, now you're asking the right question. Yeah, see, this wasn't just any fucking arcade game, right? This was a one-of-a-kind prototype. Of course, it was a game that, if it had been released, could have changed the whole goddamn industry. Right, the game said vendetta vice, vendetta vice. Yeah, you heard me, vendetta vice. What the fuck?
Speaker 3:is this shit?
Speaker 1:unfinished and never released arcade game from the 90s. Okay, developed by a small-time italian game studio that got shut down under mysterious circumstances. Oh jesus. Jesus, you get me Fucking Christ Nicky Family business kind of shit. Okay, this game was supposed to be the next big thing. Yeah, a beat-em-up with RPG mechanics set in a hyper-violent, neon-drenched version of Little Italy. Oh, Jesus Think.
Speaker 1:Final Fight, mixed with GTA, but with more guys in tracksuits throwing hands over cannoli. The story you play as Tony the Fork Bellucci, a street enforcer trying to reclaim his family's honor after a rival gang starts peddling synthetic pasta in his neighborhood. Fucking pasta. They literally put a pasta purity subplot in the game. This is the fucking worst.
Speaker 1:This is the worst the game had a fucking parry system before parry systems were even a thing. Okay, brutal environmental kills you could bash a guy's head into a pizza oven. Dynamic respect meter If you played too dirty, the old school mobsters would refuse to help you. Oh my God, an ending locked behind a secret Omerta code Only real ones knew how to access it.
Speaker 2:Oh my God.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, oh no, oh, oh, okay, yes, why One of them landed in a Simpsonville fucking garage. Okay, why did I give it to the museum? Yes why I need to know, oh believe me, I didn't just give it to them.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I made sure they owed me something big in return.
Speaker 3:Of course you fucking did First off.
Speaker 1:This game was hot, not, oh, rare collector's item hot, I mean, it was fucking radioactive, the kind of thing where, if the wrong people knew you had it, you'd end up face down in a plate of bad fettuccine.
Speaker 3:I already had earl gray's goons breathing down my neck over it okay, let's just say, certain interested parties in italy didn't appreciate me digging it up oh, he made two, made a Stanley map, so I had two choices, wow.
Speaker 1:Hoard it like a dumbass and spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder. Make a power, move and make sure the game saw the light of day. And listen, I ain't some scrub collector hoarding shit in a basement. The museum they had security connection and a way to showcase it without drawing heat. So I struck a deal. Of course you did. I told him you display this masterpiece, make sure it gets the respect it deserves and in return, you put my name on the plaque and owe me a favor.
Speaker 3:Oh my God.
Speaker 1:And let me tell you a favor from an entire fucking arcade museum. That's worth a hell of a lot more than one machine.
Speaker 5:What would you do with that Now?
Speaker 1:the game sits in a private room in the Upstate Pinball and Arcade Museum and only those who know the right phrase hint, it's in Italian get access to play it. Real, exclusive shit. And best of all, Earl Grey, that motherfucker can't do shit about it. He knows it's there, he knows I won, and every time he steps foot in Simpsonville he's staring at the piece of gaming history he'll never fucking own. So yeah, kid, sometimes you gotta think bigger than just keeping a thing for yourself.
Speaker 1:I suppose yes, sometimes you make a move that leaves your name in history. That's true, and that's exactly what I did Vendetta Vice. It ain't lost anymore, and neither is my legacy.
Speaker 3:Wow okay, a permanent legacy. We, and neither is my legacy. Wow, okay, a permanent legacy. We got a permanent life lesson there from Nikki Noodle Arms. Ai Dente. Nikki, thank you for coming by. Where is the sound? Where's your sound? There we go.
Speaker 3:All right, that was it for this week, guys. Next week we're probably not going to have a lot because the PTB is still going to be ongoing. People are already saying Kenneth Karnacki, jimmy, whatever his fucking name is, is overpowered. We may have to make the game Vendetta Vice starring. What was his? Tommy the Fork Fettuccine. What was his name? Tony the Fork Bellucci, going after synthetic pasta. I don't know.
Speaker 3:This went off the rails real quick. Simpsonville, north Carolina. Thank you for coming by. We're sorry that we trashed your Brad Paisley concert. Until next time. That is it for Caping them Softly.
Speaker 3:You know, I didn't even say what episode number this was, because I don't even fucking know what episode it is. Episode number 40, fucking seven. Hey, satan, see us out of here. I'm done. Wait, where's your button? It's right, fucking there. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Actually I've got something else. Most people probably turn this off by now, okay, but you here, you're getting a little bonus and what that bonus is.
Speaker 3:Remember, I was talking about the rock opera, the summoning of the toxic teacher, and I played the first song for you last week, where the Reverend Hellfire Jackson discusses the state of the world and how boring the average streamer has become and that we have to remake the world. We have to destroy it and remake it in the image of the toxic teacher so we can have infinite fucking content. That's actually good. I've made some more songs to it. I've actually got quite a bit of this rock opera done and I'm going to explain a little part of the story and then I'm going to play one of the songs and that's what's going to see us out.
Speaker 3:So anyway, hellfire Jackson, the one who's summoning the toxic teacher. He says there are three items, three relics that have to be found to summon the teacher, to do the ceremony that summons the otherworldly beast. The three items are the Thunder Mike, a microphone beyond all power. The Hell Set, which is a headset that drives somebody crazy, and the last one is called the Levia Cam, which is a camera that hypnotizes you and can alter reality at will. I know I'm fucking a maniac and that's how I come up with this shit. So, anyway, hellfire Jackson sends his three disciples, his three main disciples, to go get the relics.
Speaker 3:So a few of the songs in the story are the relic singing or the guardian of the relic singing a song and then the disciple who has been tasked singing it back, if that makes sense. So we've got one here that I really like. It's different, it's not my style of music, but I was like shit, this is actually pretty good and I think it belongs in here. Now, some of the lyrics were written by me, some of them were written by my friends, but it leads to really good shit.
Speaker 3:This one is when the leviathan, the camera that can change reality, the viper of vision, the Guardian, is talking to the Tox Father, who is one of the disciples that's sent to retrieve the Levi-Cam. And you know the Tox Father because he sings this shit. What have I got to do with Rome? Okay, so you know that guy, he's going to go retrieve it, but first he has to defeat the otherworldly, being the Viper of Vision, guardian of the Leviacam. So here we go. This is called the Viper's Gaze, which is the song by the guardian of the Leviacam, and it's going to see us out. Satan, can you laugh for a second, and then I can do my part. Get the fuck out of my face. Here we go. The viper's gaze yes, traps. All joy, all laughter. Step into my view to settle.
Speaker 2:And be mine forever. After Hypnotic creeping, settling Through the lens. Every laugh, enslaved, every smile, all recorded, never fades away. The living art captures your delight, a curse, despised, endless sight. And then to the lens, lose yourself again, trapped inside the frame. Laughter turned to pain. You'll recognize the full rhythm, unsettling Vau-cam Watching you forever. Every smile, a soul surrendered, captured in time. Step into the gaze. Now you're mine. Creepy, psychological, distorted whispers of rejuve, every smile, every cry you hide, all recorded, twisted, warped inside One look. You're hooked, can't away, trapped by joy, forever you'll stay. Smile for the camera, say goodbye. Once you're recorded, you never die. Forever Looping in the thoughts, bound to my vision, trapped by my laws. Laughter, laughter. I can't show the lens. Lava who cares? You're not designed. All your joy is now to die. Lava who cares, no escape allowed. You're just another face in the crowd. Lava, just suffer, camp, lose yourself, forget, can't trip forever your smile, your fear. The Lava Camp's all my dear.
