Show Notes:
Are you ready to reframe how you view self-love and explore its power? This episode promises to open up a new perspective, and helping you understand how self-love is different from being selfish. We'll guide you through the process of prioritizing your needs, similar to the familiar advice of securing your own oxygen mask on a flight before assisting others.
We'll explore the power of positive self-talk and its ripple effects on your mindset and behavior. Find out how to give yourself the grace you deserve. So, strap in for this journey of self-discovery and let's uncover the power of self-love and self-talk together.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
Facebook: Flipped Mindset Podcast
Show Notes:
Are you ready to reframe how you view self-love and explore its power? This episode promises to open up a new perspective, and helping you understand how self-love is different from being selfish. We'll guide you through the process of prioritizing your needs, similar to the familiar advice of securing your own oxygen mask on a flight before assisting others.
We'll explore the power of positive self-talk and its ripple effects on your mindset and behavior. Find out how to give yourself the grace you deserve. So, strap in for this journey of self-discovery and let's uncover the power of self-love and self-talk together.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
Facebook: Flipped Mindset Podcast
Welcome to the Flip Mindset Podcast. I am Janet.
Speaker 2:And I'm Brenda.
Speaker 1:Welcome to our podcast, where we're wonderfully weird.
Speaker 2:And brave. All right, I'm going to give every time.
Speaker 1:we do this, because it's scripted and I can't do scripted, so yeah.
Speaker 2:Everything else we can't leave.
Speaker 1:Get used to me giggling. It's going to happen, okay, all right. Well, welcome to today. In today's topic, we're going to be talking about self-talk and self-love. Yes, so why it's so important? What is it, what it is not, and those kinds of things. So let's get into it, let's do it, all right. So the first thing I want to talk about is self-love and self-ish, Selfish. Yeah, I can't talk for you. It's okay, because I think it's very important, because I think this is something that we misunderstand.
Speaker 1:What is self-love and what is selfish? Like we almost think it's the same thing. It is not the same thing. So there's a quote, and I don't remember who said it, but it's what the difference between self-love and self-ish is.
Speaker 1:Self-ish is when you care about, when you are putting your wants over everybody else's needs, and self-love is when you put your needs over everybody else's wants, and so I think that's very important is so self-love is taking care of yourself, filling yourself, pouring into yourself, making sure that you take care of yourself first, and then you're going to be able to be there in volumes for other people, absolutely so one of the things we talk about, like when you're on a flight and you have the flight attendant that says you know whatever, that the oxygen mask. You're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first before you help anybody else, right, so that you can take care of yourself. Then you'll be able to be able to help everybody else.
Speaker 2:And then as a nurse, what we're taught like in a fire drill or like an active shooter. When I was at work in the ER as an active shooter drill, it was run for the nurses and stuff run, take care of yourself first run. And when we first learned that as nurses, that's counterintuitive, because we care about people and we care about our patients and stuff. And they're like okay, we were like why? And they were like well, who's going to take care of everybody if all the nurses and healthcare staff are gone and hurt, can't take care? So I thought that was a good example.
Speaker 1:I think it is a really good example, because you know it's counterintuitive, because we're taught and told and society tells us we have to take care of everybody else first. We can't put ourselves first, because then we're being greedy, we're being selfish, we're not a good person and we're not you know, if we take care of ourselves first, we're wrong yeah.
Speaker 1:And so that's kind of what we're trying to get, and this is kind of the underlying theme of this whole podcast is all about loving yourself, flipping your mindset so that you can then take care of yourself and then, therefore, you can take care of other people Absolutely. So we talked about this just a little bit as we're getting ready for this, and it's like you know we always talk about you can't. You can't pour from an empty cup, and the thing is, if I'm too busy taking care of everybody else's needs instead of my own, my cup's going to empty. So then who's filling into my cup? There's nobody putting into my cup. Maybe a little bit, but not much, right?
Speaker 1:And then my cup gets empty and if I'm looking for external for everybody to fill it up, that's where you start getting a lot of the insecurities, jealousies. You know your neediness, the different attachment types, like all these different things. You know you're trying to you get into toxic relationships and trying to hang on to people that are not good for us, because we think that that's where we need to get our love and our, you know, to fill our cup back up. We're desperate. But what we don't realize is when we have self love, we fill our own cup up. It's almost like we are. We have access to a fucking waterfall. We just have to turn the spigot on and once we turn and turning that spigot on is self love and once we turn that spigot on, it'll always fill up our cup. Now our cup will be overrunning. Now we can set and help other people because we're taking care of ourselves first. And same way, in those, you know, in those situations when I mean those are emergency kind of situations it's important for you to take care of yourself first. So we just want to reiterate that that self love is not selfish. It doesn't make you a bad person. To take care of yourself, you have to take care of yourself because we, especially when we start getting into the ego and some of the other stuff that'll be in the next couple of episodes. You know, it's really, really important to understand that that you can do these things doesn't make you a bad person. It means that you love yourself.
Speaker 1:So the other thing we were talking about is oh, we'll get into, so we'll talk about that one, get into self-talk, so alright, so now we'll talk about self-talk. So words are powerful and important. You know that whole saying you sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me. It's a lie, it's such a lie. All those things can hurt you. Yeah, all of them can help hurt you, you know. But words, words, words are so freaking powerful and it's such your intentionality it changes.
Speaker 1:You can just see, like, when you say words in a certain way, what, what difference it makes to you. Like there's an experiment we were talking about I'll have to look up who the scientist is and you were talking one, two, whereas he took water, same sore, same everything. He took water and some samples of water. He would say nice things to love, abundance, you're amazing. And he would flash, freeze them and then look at the crystals under microscope and then he would do the same thing with the same water samples. You know Different, you know same water source and everything.
Speaker 1:And he would say he would say you're ugly, you're stupid, you know bad words to them. And then he would freeze them. And so you can look and see the difference, like in the, the positive ones, that the crystals it's all pretty, they're formed, it's nice, and the other ones are all deformed, they're dark there you know. So even just words, saying words out loud to your water, makes a difference. So can you imagine? I mean, we're made of water and we got all this other stuff, the words we say is so freaking important.
Speaker 2:Especially to the words to yourself. One of the first things that I learned and all of my trauma therapy, was no negative self-talk. Now, they didn't really go in a lot of detail exactly what that means. Like Most people would think, it's like, well, don't call yourself stupid, don't call yourself fat, don't call yourself down, well. But there's way more to that.
Speaker 2:That's way more to it and I think one of the things that my sister pointed out with me is that sometimes I say you know, my husband called me princess. So I always say and he spoiled me. I always say I'm a spoiled former princess and she had reminded me that you know. That kind of puts me in a category when I've already set myself up for failure, like, well, you're a former princess, so you can't really do these things on your own because you were spoiled by your husband, right? But now I'm living this new life and brave, and I realize, well, yeah, just by saying that and I had no idea that was a negative self-talk, so I mean, that's just kind of my example, yeah, I was wanting to talk about the, the plants.
Speaker 1:Oh, oh, the plant experiment.
Speaker 2:Well, the plant yeah, and I think this a lot of people have seen, this one too, is that a teacher put same type of plants in like this, like plastic kind of Exposure place? Anyway, words are hard today. And so one plant they said all the kids talked real nice to and the other one they didn't talk and you could see the difference about growing. And the one they talked nice to it was like nice and full and lots of leaves, and the other ones just kind of wilted and everything.
Speaker 1:So and I think there's tons of experiments everywhere.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that are just very simple.
Speaker 1:They're very simple and I think and we'll get back to where Brenda was talking earlier because that's really important but, yeah, we have to be really careful what you say to yourself. And yeah, like those places will say, you know, don't talk bad about yourself. And if you think about it, think about the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis. Or, just, like you know, take a step back and think of some of the few things that you said yourself. Like, look yourself in the mirror and you're like man, I'm fat and I got rolls and I'm so dumb, like all these things. Can you imagine saying that to somebody you love, to somebody you care about?
Speaker 2:Oh god. Now, how would that make me never?
Speaker 1:feel like. Like think about it. If you said the same words you said to yourself and you said it to somebody that you love and care about so much, how would you feel? Yeah? It would it would be devastating.
Speaker 2:It was horrible right.
Speaker 1:So why don't we feel that way when we're saying it about ourselves, like we are a loved one? We need to be somebody we love more than anybody else in the whole world. You are the most important person in this world period. Yes, yes.
Speaker 1:Everybody needs to hear that. I'm gonna say it again you are the most important person in this world and I know like that's hard to hear, like that's gonna be hard to hear for People because we're told we're not supposed to. If that feels like it rubs a little bit or you feel resistance in it, that's your ego, by the way, and we'll talk about that in the next episode.
Speaker 1:But we need to get into this, like really about what self is, is and being aware of yourself. Talk, think, think like, whenever you know, like an AA and all those things. Right, like it's like you. The first step in knowing to fixing a problem is acknowledging or being aware that you have a problem. Yeah, so this self-talk is us being aware of the conversations that are actually going on inside of ourselves.
Speaker 1:And some of this is scripted and these come from negative scripts, from stuff that we're learned when we're kids the way our parents talk to us, the way we saw our parents talking to themselves, because we see it, whether we, you know, because everybody does this self-deprecating humor. Yeah, right, yeah, it's again, we'll go back to society norms, it's, it's, you know, hey, I'm gonna make fun of myself before everybody else. Does you know it's accepted to be talking bad about ourselves and, oh man, I was so dumb. I did this the other day. Right, god, it makes it. It's hard for me to say Got into a point, we'll talk about that. But you know, like we become so normal that it's, it's, it's okay for us to talk bad about Ourself. Yeah, it's almost, it's almost encouraged to have these negative Conversations with ourselves. So. So it's kind of like we're that plant, that other plant that's being talked negative to, and we're wondering why we're not blooming, why we don't have flowers, why we don't have our beautiful leaves, why are we not branching out and in doing our dreams and and having this wonderful, amazing life that we know we deserve and we want? So bad, but we're sitting here talking crap about ourselves, we're hurting ourselves, we're being our own worst enemy in its box. Yeah, it does so.
Speaker 1:So that's what really this whole part of this podcast is is learning. I want everybody to learn how to love themselves, how to talk to themselves, the right way to get where, like, we go against that Social norm of oh it's, I'm in it. You know I'm gonna sit and say bad things about myself, like I think, too, once you start loving yourself, your insecurities will start to go away. Yes, yes, you know. And and loving yourself is not a switch, it's not a just automatically. I love myself, okay, I love myself. I love myself, universe, I love myself, right? It's almost like as if when you fall in love with some, you know and you have. When you fall in love with somebody, is that person perfect? No, you love them, even with their flaws.
Speaker 1:Yeah right you accept their flaws. You have a best friend. Your children, your spouses, your parents love you like your parents. You know. You know you love one, see you, oh, but I'm just saying like, so, like these people that you love and care about. You know they're flawed, yeah, but you love them anyway. Yes, you don't expect them to be perfect, so why are you expecting yourself to be perfect? Yeah, why are we hating on ourselves? Because we're not perfect, because we don't look like everybody else or we don't? You know we have these little things that we do. Why can we not love ourselves? Why are we hating on ourselves so much when we should be loving ourselves just like we would our best friend or our lover or Our children, whatever it is?
Speaker 2:Yes, we should treat ourselves just as important as everybody else actually probably more important, yeah but I mean it's, we'll get there because this is your life, that you're living like you or the main character in your life. Right, and so if you're letting you know, other people Get to become the main character. You know you're not taking care of yourself, no, you're not loving on yourself.
Speaker 1:You're not, yeah, you're not feeding into that. So, yeah, so you have all that. So, so the biggest thing is like Kind of to go back to what Brenda was talking about, the the princess thing, and one of the reasons what I was telling her is because, by her saying that that I'm a former princess, it allowed, it sets in place some negative scripts that are in the subconscious that you don't even realize, and so what it does is it automatically sets up oh well, I can't do this, or I'm you know, I'm not gonna do this, I'm you know. So it starts this negative path of things. So how did it feel when you said, well, I'm a former princess, how would you feel? Like? What are some of the feelings you would have when?
Speaker 2:you sit. Well, it would almost give me justification of not doing things that I need to do. Right, and I noticed that, like, especially lately, I've leaned on you to do a lot of like things on my new house. You know calling plumbers and stuff like that. And so after we talked, you know I needed my perfect cleaning, so I you gave me just the suggestion on who to call, so I called me the appointment. They came over. You know you weren't around. I usually make you, make you be there when people come over to the house, but you weren't and so I'm like, oh, I'm not a former princess, I am a goddess, I mean, that's so like a reason like, so when you when, so the first way that you felt, how did you feel, did it?
Speaker 1:Did you feel like shame and like you?
Speaker 2:could. Yeah, there's a little bit of shame and like that I just maybe wasn't good enough to do some of the things that I can do like I can't so now, when you did that, where you're?
Speaker 1:like okay, I'm not a former princess, and you took that in your own hand, which is congratulations, by the way. I'm so happy.
Speaker 2:We already did our celebration on it.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah but so now, how do you feel about yourself?
Speaker 2:I feel accomplished, I feel proud, I feel Myself. Worth is just like through the roof now.
Speaker 1:So so this is an example where it's one phrase that she said, one phrase where she said I'm a former princess. Yeah that's it. Yeah that was the phrase that she was on herself.
Speaker 2:I'm a former and no one would have thought that's negative, but I'm, and I didn't either, but I can see where it led me right and the same thing.
Speaker 1:So some of some other things, because not a lot of people have the former princess, that's true, that's true. So I want to give some examples of things that are these negative scripts that we need to be careful on when is can't? I can't, right, I can't, I hate that.
Speaker 2:I, I've taught my kids never say can't because because anytime you say you can't, you automatically can't.
Speaker 1:No matter what you were wishing it, you were making it Happen. You were, you were putting that intention out into the universe I can't. So instead of saying I can't, you can say you can say things like oh, like. A good example is when we were working on your house and you're like I can't get up on the ladder, right, she was saying she can't get up on the ladder because physically she's worried about being up on the ladder.
Speaker 1:But it would be more of like I don't want to get up on the ladder because I don't feel comfortable, like that, changing it instead of I can't, because the thing is you can do anything you want. We are built to do anything. You can do anything, but you can make the choice not to. So it's like I don't want to. I'm choosing not to do that. Yeah, instead of I can't, I can't, I can't. And no, think about say like, say, say something like I can't Cook. Very well, say I can't cook, right, feel how that feels in your body, saying I don't want to cook or I choose not to cook or I will try to cook.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I want to learn, I will. Instead, I want I will learn to cook. Like, think about, like the way you can just phrase things differently and how it feels in your body. One the same thing. Another one is I need, I should, right the shoulding. Don't shoot on yourself like we'll go into that in just a minute, but like that I need, like I need to get up in the morning, like I need, I need to get up early in the morning so I can go work out right there. We now think about that. Like, if you, if you say I need or I should right shoulds or shoulds or rules, you're automatically setting a rule up for yourself. So if you don't get up in the morning, you're automatically setting yourself up to fill. You're automatically gonna feel like you're, you're guilt and shame for not getting up in the morning, right? So instead of saying I should, you could say I will or I will try to get up in the morning. So that way you're giving yourself grace if you don't, and then you don't start the day out feeling crappy.
Speaker 2:You know we're doing this to ourselves.
Speaker 1:You already lost. When you say I need, and that seems so rigid, and just feel it in your body, saying I need versus I will try or I will, that's you'll get to a point where you love yourself enough, you're like I will get up in the morning, I want to get up in the morning because I love myself enough, I will get up, or you know, whatever it is that's to me, that's a hard one for me because I hate getting up in the morning.
Speaker 2:So this is been definitely not a morning person. I am not a morning person at all.
Speaker 1:But you know. So the thing is is like knowing that about myself, I give myself grace. I don't set myself. So I never set myself up to do things in the morning, knowing that I'm going to then feel bad about it because I didn't do it. So then I said it. You know, I know myself enough to set it up later, but that's a whole nother. We got off the topic.
Speaker 1:But the thing is, I want, I want you guys to think about the words that you're saying to yourself, and even those little words of I can't, I need I, you know I should, or I shouldn't, like do not, should, on yourself. Well, I had a therapist tell me that and I thought it was awesome, because it is setting a rule, you know, and Sometimes these rules that we're setting are not really rules, but we're, we're. We're then putting that Negativeness into our bodies and into our psyche and starting these negative scripts, because as soon as I say I Should get up in the morning to work out my body, if I listen to it, my head is already telling me yeah, you're not gonna get up in the morning, you're gonna let yourself down, you're gonna feel bad because you should have done it, but you're not going to, you're gonna feel bad all day. Yeah right, that's the script that's gonna run through my head all freaking day, unless I flip my mindset, and that's you know. The whole point is we're gonna flip it and say I will get up in the morning and take care and do this, and I will do this, or I'm gonna. You know Ways to give yourself grace.
Speaker 1:So we really, really need to be careful on what we say to ourselves. Yes, so we will definitely be talking more about self-talk as well in the next one, when we start talking about ego and soul, because we're gonna go into what it actually sounds like when your ego is talking your soul and we'll go way more in depth and all that. But this is kind of the precursor, to kind of give you an idea that I want you guys to start thinking about. You know, like tomorrow morning, get up and start thinking about what is the scripts that go in your head, what are some things? Write some things down, like start noticing.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly what you're saying. What you're saying like the dialogue in your head. What's going on there? What's going?
Speaker 1:on your on, because we're gonna eventually talk about what, how it is to like step away and be more An observer, because you were not your thoughts, you're not your thoughts, you're not your emotions. These are just things that are happening to you. So, so some of these thoughts and some of these words that get said to you are not yours. There are things you like somebody told you when you were a kid, or there's somebody you saw somebody else doing, or something like that. So so we'll get into talking more about that, but just start to notice.
Speaker 1:That's it, yeah, that's all you got to do is just start to notice when you start to say I can't, I shouldn't, right, I Know you and Angel like I get on to you guys. I like Angel now gets to whenever I I talked to her and she'll say something like that and I'll like She'll like I know.
Speaker 2:I know, I know.
Speaker 1:But it's just so important. Yes, so now to kind of like we spent a lot of time talking about that. I wanted to kind of get back to the self-love a little bit, though kind of like I we will be talking about different ways because everybody says, oh, you got to love yourself, not talk about yourself, but you got to like the how, the how does it look. You know, what does it look like? So one is changing these words that you say to yourself. Or let's say, something happened. They're like I'm a big overthinker. Actually, I'm starting to be a former overthinker. I don't think you know, but I would look at a situation and turn it upside down.
Speaker 1:Oh, I should have said this, I should have done that I should have you know all these different things should have, should have, should have, should have, should have right. And so now I said and whenever you look at something like that, okay, how can I do better next time? Or we'll talk about the student in the next one as well. It's like like if I said something and I was disrespecting myself, I didn't stand up for myself in the right way. Then I'll look at it and go, oh, I just respected myself self, I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't stand up. I will do better next time. How can I do better next time? See, that makes it sounds a lot better of like how can I do better next time? Versus, I should have said this.
Speaker 1:We can't go back and change what we did, but we can learn from it, and I think we talked about all that before is why is life happening to us? Instead, it's what can I learn from this to move on? So there's things like that. There'll be little things that we can switch on and off, so that's the biggest. We'll be continuing to talk about self-love. It's gonna be the underlining theme of pretty much everything, because again, once you can start loving yourself, pouring into your bucket Turning into yourself turning that faucet on.
Speaker 1:Then the thing is is like you can validate yourself, you can put that love into yourself, and then, once you do that we were talking about this earlier too Once you do that, now you're coming at life with love and compassion. And so now when you're talking to other people, you can come at it when you're talking to somebody, and if somebody has a different opinion than what you do, you don't automatically get defensive. You're more compassionate and understanding and wanna learn their side of you. So we can learn how to be more loving and compassionate to everybody and kind of start this movement of just love. And there's too much hate out there, so we wanna start counteracting it with love.
Speaker 1:And it really starts by loving yourself, and really you don't have to, that's all it is, and then you start healing. You will get more into it, because really, if you think about it.
Speaker 2:Hate comes from a place of you hating yourself and you don't want certain people's light to shine on you because you're so insecure and stuff, so you have to hate. I mean that's like a simple, simplistic view of it, but I mean I think it. Yeah, it comes from a place of insecurity and not feeling loved, and you're hating yourself, hating yourself and not having yourself worth, which is all of this stuff.
Speaker 1:We'll go into all that stuff more in the next couple of episodes of talking about self-worth and all that. But you're right, and it's hard sometimes. It's really really hard because we're carrying around a lot of shame and guilt. So we will be talking about some of the different ways we can start looking at that to help alleviate it, because sometimes, when you're carrying around this shame and guilt, you hate yourself. I hate that, I did that, I hate that I hurt somebody and I did all these things. But there's ways that you can then combat it and I think when we talk more about the ego and stuff, that'll help a lot as well. So, absolutely, so okay, I think we've kind of beat that up. Was there anything else we can like?
Speaker 2:No, no, I think that we learn to love ourselves and we understand a little bit. Well, this is the foundation, the foundation, the foundation of learning.
Speaker 1:Of learning how to love ourselves, why it's important, and then we're gonna start on some steps. So, really, your only homework now is to start Just notice, to start noticing the words that you say to yourself Okay, yes, all right, that's it for today.
Speaker 2:Be brave be you Until next time stay wonderfully weird.
Speaker 1:Hello and welcome to After Thoughts with me. So we just had I just re-listened to episode three, part one. After I recorded this, I decided to do a part, a second part, that will have more of the how-to's. I actually did a coaching session and kind of came up with some stuff and I thought it was pretty good. I wanted to like give you some more how-to's on the self-talk. So, as you can tell, I'm pretty passionate about it. You guys know like I have an outline when I usually go to do these, but sometimes I go a little off script or we get off script. So I appreciate your patience as we're learning and growing on this podcast. The other thing I did look up the experiment on the water that I talked about. It's by a Japanese scientist, masaru Amoto, and he wrote a book Hidden Messages in Water. If you get a chance to go, look at any of those videos. It's really cool in the experience, the experience that he did. So just another way of saying like how important self-talk is and the way you say things. So and on that, like I have to mention before, I do realize I'm saying right and you know, and a lot. So I'm working on those. Again, these have been recorded a few months ago, so I think we're coming a long way. I'm learning and growing with you guys. I appreciate your patience and I like that you guys are here. So we will have a bonus episode. So I'll have a second bonus episode coming out which I will put out on Thursday. So this one will come out Wednesday and then I'll have the other one on Thursday.
Speaker 1:One of the things I want to do is sometimes, like with the words Noticing some of the words that I say and how I say them, I get kind of caught up in the moment or it's ways that I'm used to saying things. So I wanted to kind of put it like my desire, what I want, my goal of this podcast is to help people and to help those that are interested in taking steps to improve their lives, who might be interested in learning more about self-talk, self-love, maybe a different perspective. I know sometimes, in the way that I say things, I say them very commanding or like some of it's the way I say things and I'm learning. So I'm learning and I appreciate you guys being here and growing with me, just like I say sometimes when we talk a lot of the things that we say. Sometimes I generalize and say everyone when really it's not everyone. So these are words and stuff that I'm learning and I am improving as we go forward. So I appreciate you guys' patience.
Speaker 1:I am so excited you guys are here and that we're doing this, and over the next couple of episodes I tend to be a little, I feel like I'm a little teachy, so if it does, I apologize, but we'll get back to the. I mean, we're gonna still have the back and forth and I am gonna have some more. I have some people coming on and talking in some of the future ones. So, alright, you guys have until next time. Stay. Wonderfully weird.