When the waves of grief crash upon us, finding our footing can feel like an impossible task. This episode welcomes Travis, who joins me in a raw exploration of a personal loss. We share the ways grief has molded our perspectives and how respecting the diverse experiences of sorrow is crucial. Together, we discuss recognizing how an increase in self-awareness can empower us to face the overwhelming grief with resilience and grace.
Loss is a journey unique to each individual. As Travis and I unpack the intricacies of grief's impact on decision-making, we open up about our personal coping mechanisms. We highlight the significance of pacing oneself through the waves of emotions and the importance of self-care.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
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When the waves of grief crash upon us, finding our footing can feel like an impossible task. This episode welcomes Travis, who joins me in a raw exploration of a personal loss. We share the ways grief has molded our perspectives and how respecting the diverse experiences of sorrow is crucial. Together, we discuss recognizing how an increase in self-awareness can empower us to face the overwhelming grief with resilience and grace.
Loss is a journey unique to each individual. As Travis and I unpack the intricacies of grief's impact on decision-making, we open up about our personal coping mechanisms. We highlight the significance of pacing oneself through the waves of emotions and the importance of self-care.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
Facebook: Flipped Mindset Podcast
Welcome to the Flip Mindset Podcast. Hi, I'm Janet.
Speaker 2:And I'm Travis.
Speaker 1:Welcome to my podcast where we believe that change your mindset, you change your life. So we have Travis back, hi.
Speaker 2:Hi, thanks for having me.
Speaker 1:So thanks for being here, appreciate it.
Speaker 2:You're welcome.
Speaker 1:So all right. So I guess we can just jump into what today's topic is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, go for it.
Speaker 1:All right. So we kind of a little bit. This one's going to be a little different than my normal ones. This is kind of an ad hoc topic, because we're going to be talking about loss today.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I recently had somebody very close to me pass away and I guess we're just going to. You know, I'm kind of feeling vulnerable and I agreed to come on the show and talk about it. So here, we are.
Speaker 1:And I think, as we were talking, this will be a little different because it's not about you know, here's a situation and you're learning to flip your mindset and think about things in a different way. We're kind of coming at this one a little differently in that you've kind of been in this awakening, changing the way that you're seeing life and doing life, and now you have this obstacle, this trauma, this traumatic event that happens to you. So how do we navigate through that, or how are ways to help you get through that?
Speaker 2:So we can just kind of talk about it and see, it definitely feels weird because you know I've dealt with loss in the past of people in my life who've passed away, and this one you know, although this person was probably closer to me than anybody else who had passed away previously in my life. It feels different because I'm different, handling the stresses that come with it. You know setting up a venue for the event. You know discussing with you know the people that you're planning all of the arrangements for or that you're planning them with. You know it can be very stressful. You know there could be infighting there can be, you know just. You know bickering, whatever it is. You know disagreement. Some people say no, we've got to do this. Some other people who's adamant that it's the opposite way, you know. So it's been a lot easier to handle now that I'm no longer a zombie, a sleepy.
Speaker 1:A sleepy, yeah. So if people don't know that, sleepy that's one of my terms for people that haven't quite awakened yet, so I kind of call them sleepies. And then once you kind of wake up and you kind of see things in a different light, then you kind of you know, but it's an interesting. It's interesting because you are. I mean, when we deal with these traumatic events like this, Not only are you dealing with the loss, but so is all the people around you are also dealing with the loss and the grief. So emotions tend to be higher.
Speaker 2:People are struggling, deal with things differently and and that's that's one of the things. I'm glad you said that, because that's one of the first things that I noticed is because the old me would have looked at somebody who Maybe wasn't crying and be like what the hell is wrong with you? Well, why aren't you crying? You know I'm not look at somebody else who's trying to control everything and say you know what's your problem. You know why are you trying to do this?
Speaker 2:And the new me realizes that just because I handle my grief the way that I do, doesn't mean that everybody else isn't handling it in their own way, and it's not right for me to look at them and say You're not Reacting how I expected you to. Therefore, you know, therefore you're wrong. Or or you know how, are you afraid that?
Speaker 1:well, sometimes it's too you can. You know it's easier to take things more personal, but when you, when you can open up your mind in a way, like you're saying, and see that, oh, that's the way they're grieving or that's the way they're handling it, it gives you, you're allowing to give you them grace, and then you don't have to take it personal. You know, you don't have to take on that feeling mad at them or why aren't you doing this, or why don't you? You can let that go Because it's like okay, yeah, it's giving that person that grace of, okay, they're gonna, you know, handle it in their way and that's okay.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and it doesn't mean that you know that they feel any any less, you know, it's just, it's just their way of dealing with it, you know. But but the important thing is is is to remember that, okay, if I'm gonna respect them and their way to handle it, you know, I need to respect my way of handling it, which means that if I find myself in a situation when there is, you know, some infighting and it's bothering me and I can't handle it, I don't need to feel the pressure to stick around and Try, try to, you know, and try to be part of the argument. You know, if that's not what's what's good for me, you know, maybe what I need is to step away, to go and sit and just, you know, take some time for myself right you know, I Don't know what that noise was.
Speaker 1:Sounded like a computer glitch but I think I think we're okay, yeah, yeah, we but I like the way that you say that, in that, like you're saying, like giving respect to other people and then that's the way that they're grieving, I almost thought you were gonna go to the and then them respecting you, but the fact that you respect yourself is so huge in allowing as you start moving through this it's one of the things that is Obvious.
Speaker 2:As it is, you can't control other people, you know. I mean I can't force them to respect my way, you know, maybe then maybe they will be the one to get offended, you know, and you know because they don't see me crying. But you know, maybe, maybe it's because I reserve my tears for when I'm alone. You know, because we all handle it differently.
Speaker 1:So but I love that, because when you're respecting yourself and giving yourself what you need and giving that space and doing those things, then you tend to be less likely to be upset that somebody else isn't respecting you because you're doing giving it to yourself. Yeah, so now you're not, you're not in that need of oh, I need this person to respect me, which kind of even compounds the negative emotions and the things that are going on in rain.
Speaker 2:Which is why one of my other mechanisms is if they're not, you know, if they're coming up to me and they're agitating me in whatever way, shape or form, you know, be it because they're not respecting the way that I'm handling it or whatnot, my coping has simply been to just excuse myself from the situation. You know, if it's not good, then leave. You know I'm gonna up. I've got a car Right. How do I get Go away?
Speaker 1:Sometimes that can be hard, because sometimes there's there's these obligations, oh I have to be here and I have to do this and I have to. And I think sometimes it's thinking that of like, okay, what is best for me in this situation and it's okay to leave.
Speaker 2:sometimes it's having that giving yourself permission, it's okay if I leave, it's okay that I don't have to put up with this, which is hard, when you feel like you need to be strong for the situation, you know, because some, some situations require people to, you know, need to step up, you know, and so it's hard beat when you, when you've got that clash of you know, I feel like I need to step up. I really want to step up, you know, not that I just feel that I need to, but it's something that I want to do, you know, um, and then you still have that adversity come at you. You know it's tough, but what, and I think.
Speaker 1:I think that it comes into balance, a balance of okay, I'm gonna step up, and here's how I'm gonna show up by stepping up, and I'm gonna do it my way. The way I step up is gonna be respectful in the way that I want us to show up, not the way other people think I should show up. And when you can have that, then you're like at least, now you've fulfilled. Hey, I'm showing up, I'm doing this, I've decided this is what I'm gonna do. I'm not doing it because out of obligation or anything. This, like you said, you want to show up and step up, so I'm gonna do that, but I'm gonna do it on my own terms.
Speaker 1:Yeah and that's where it becomes.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 2:He is like where you that that that's an excellent way of saying it. You know you do it on your own terms, you know so. So I knew I needed to go check out the venue. I went and checked out the venue, and, and, and there was a lot of discussion of, you know, oh, we could put this here and that, this there and whatever, and, and to me I kind of was like, why is everybody In this mode to where they're like trying to nitpick on specifics immediately as soon as they see it? And you know, I thought it was like no, look, look, the place is alright. Let's just say yes and we can move on. But everybody wanted to get more in detail, and and and in exactly how it was gonna be. You know, even though we've got it, we've got a month to figure that out, so there's lots of time.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes people want to feel involved and they want to feel like they're making decisions. You know, sometimes that's part of the grief and trying to feel, you know, like they're giving something.
Speaker 2:Yeah, exactly which. And that was the situation when I realized that everybody's dealing it with it in their own way, but my way was that was annoying me. You know that. That that was getting on my nerves, it was bothering me, and so all I did was I excused myself from the city.
Speaker 1:I think that's that's. It's amazing. I like to hear it. You know it's amazing that like it's made a difference in helping you. You know this, this like a seeing things differently and and is hoping you through it Not saying that it's gonna make it like best and awesome and everything's gonna be great and roses, but at least you're handling it in a way that's that's beneficial to you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's healthier.
Speaker 1:It's healthier, yeah, so. So some of the other things to talk about is, like the way we were talking about this just a little bit ago is allowing yourself to feel the feeling. That's another one. Right, like some, some of the other, I know for me that was that's been a big thing in my growth is Learning that I can feel the feelings, because normally when something tragic happens, I'm like you, I'm gonna step up, take charge, I'm gonna make, make decisions, because if I do that, then I'm not feeling the feelings. And so learning to Step back and be like, no, I'm gonna set, I need to feel the feelings.
Speaker 2:I Think that that is absolutely correct, but I think the other thing to remember is that, like like we said, everybody deals with things in their own way. And that also means in their own time frame.
Speaker 2:Yeah which means that you know, maybe you know, there's I'm, you know, I'm not to get technical, but there's the stages of grief, you know, and, and everybody goes through each stage In their own time, and so maybe some people aren't crying initially because they're too busy being in shock. May be some people are only in shock for 10 minutes and then they get sad. Maybe some people are in shock for, you know, 10 weeks, you know, and then suddenly, suddenly, they're driving down the car one day and it hits, but you know it's eventually it's gonna, it's gonna hit you, you know, and yeah.
Speaker 2:You know, but it's important to let everybody to be at your own pace, I think be a true pace you know and not have the expectations that other, that other people aren't working at your, at the pace you feel like they should. You know.
Speaker 1:Because some more of a focus on inside, internal on you and how you're doing it respecting yourself.
Speaker 2:Is that self?
Speaker 1:care is huge too during this time, which we tend to forget sometimes because we want to take care of everybody else. Yeah and we got to remember taking care of ourselves. Is is important, or you're gonna be pouring from an empty cup.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:But taking care of yourself, that's huge. Yeah it is and it's.
Speaker 2:Not always easy when, when especially so.
Speaker 1:What are some things that's that could be self-care, things you can do for yourself during a time like this? What are some of the things you're doing?
Speaker 2:You know, a lot of what I'm doing is I'm doing things when I'm ready for them. I've had a lot of people call me to express condolences and I haven't got back to them all simply because it hasn't been easy. It hasn't been easy. It's been something that I've called a couple people every day back. I still got six or eight people that I haven't called back. By taking this at my own time and my own pace and not feeling the pressure to, oh, they called me, I need to call them back. It's like well, I will, I know I will. Maybe that's part of it too. Knowing that I know I'm going to call these people back allows me to go ahead and put it on the back burner for a little bit because I'm not ready for it.
Speaker 1:Right it helps with the stress in a way that you're like I'll just manage it.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's a good one.
Speaker 2:Definitely does. Like I said, I am stepping up and taking control of a lot and I think that's one of the ways that I'm handling it and that everything that goes on from here on out I will be able to control, at least mostly. You obviously never have full control, but I'm going to be able to control a lot of the things that I want to and that's helping me. And if I didn't want to do something, I'd say hey, that's not for me, what do you else take care of that? So I'm not burdening myself, not to say that if there wasn't anybody else to do it, I wouldn't do it, because I absolutely would. I would step up, but not overburdening.
Speaker 1:That's a good point. I know when the stuff happened with Brenda's husband, a lot of that burden fell onto me to do and there was a point that I had to almost learn how to delegate and gave responsibility to other people to help me out, and that really helped a lot too to be like, okay, you take care of this piece and sometimes doing it all is.
Speaker 2:And that kind of delegating kind of goes against your nature.
Speaker 1:It really does. So that was something I needed to learn. So it was an opportunity for me to learn and grow, and the people I delegated to did a great job. So it was just like, okay, you know, this is, and it did help me through that time, because I don't I think it would have overloaded me.
Speaker 2:Well, good for them. Whoever helped, you must have been an awesome person.
Speaker 1:He's saying that because he was one of them.
Speaker 2:I don't remember that, I was just being afraid.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but that's a good point in learning to lean on people if you're not used to it, because sometimes we do need it. We do need other people. Being vulnerable with other people Sometimes that's hard. It's something for me because I'm used to just taking care of everything.
Speaker 2:The learning to I think for those of us who don't ask for help, asking for help is one of the hardest things, because you're not used to relying on people. You're used to If you want a job done, right, you do it yourself. Having that type of attitude, so it's.
Speaker 1:Something like this could be learning how to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a difficult lesson.
Speaker 1:It is, yeah, sometimes it's trial by fire. Right, you're learning by fire because you have no other choice.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you got to swallow that pride too, and that can be really really difficult You're used to doing this.
Speaker 1:Well, I think, in a time when you're used to doing it all, but then when you're so overwhelmed sometimes pride doesn't even, doesn't even allow Isn't a factor really isn't a factor, because there's the overwhelming grief and feelings and emotions kind of downplay the kind of overwhelm, the pride, so it's a lot easier in that situation to go. Yeah, I just can't handle this right, the emotional load of everything else, because it's hard and it is overwhelming when these things happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's a lot. It sure is. It sure is, and I think one of the Would you notice a 싸wed get should surprise everyone for more. At least, thank God, we tried Sincerely. One of the things about change that doesn't necessarily flow with this topic, but just overall is that you don't always feel it, because right now I've noticed this change, I've seen and I know it that I'm doing it differently, but it still doesn't always feel differently and sometimes I think that takes time too.
Speaker 1:Well, sometimes, though, like you've been making this change and doing this work over this last year, and now an event like this comes up. It probably highlights some of that change that you didn't probably notice, little by little, and now you're like, oh, I am handling this different, and I am, you know, it's kind of showing you on the other side of it, showing you a little bit more of that change, but like, oh, wow, I really am different than what I, than how I handled something like this before.
Speaker 2:I think that I think that's very accurate. You know, I'm actually noticing, noticing it myself, where you know wouldn't have a year ago.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's good. So I just say like so some things that people can do, like I think in a situation like this, a lot of self care is important, taking care of yourself, however that looks for you. I like some of the things that you had said that you're doing talking to other people, you know, finding a confidant or two to talk about things when you're feeling bad or you need to go through. There are any other things that you're doing that's been good for self care, taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Not that are coming to mind at the moment, you know, putting you on the spot.
Speaker 2:I was happy I came up with a couple of them.
Speaker 1:No, you did a great job. I like that because sometimes, sometimes when we hear self care, we're like, oh, I'm going to get in a bubble bath, you know, or something like that. And so sometimes, in the way that we are handle a situation as self care by respecting yourself and and stepping away and going okay, I'm not going to deal with this situation, I don't have to be here. That is so huge in self care.
Speaker 2:Yeah, self care isn't always, you know. A night watch and Netflix with a pint of ice cream, right?
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah so sometimes it's situational.
Speaker 2:You know it's how you handle the obstacles that come at you in life. You know, and I think the more practice you have, the more aware I think that I think that's the first thing for me is always being aware of it on a level that allows you to be able to control it better when you're in In this situation that you're in I'm not sure if I said that very, very well, but but you know I mean because you're not going to be able to react the way you want to If you can't recognize the fact that this is hey, this is a situation. I see what it's doing to me and be able to kind of step outside of yourself and analyze the situation enough in order to take, take care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's almost that. Yeah, being aware. First, you've got to be aware of it or you can't change it.
Speaker 1:And the other one is being I like that, the observer right, where you can kind of pull yourself out just a little bit and observe what's going on and being like, ok, what is best for me in this situation? And then making that choice, because it's that whole too, like loving yourself and being like I love myself and I'm my own best friend. I'm going to take care of myself. What do I need it in this situation and take care of that. And sometimes it's hard because of the external people think I should be doing this and I should be doing this and so, and so is going to say, you know, like, you have to like take all that external out and really hone in on, you know, taking care of you.
Speaker 1:And it can be hard in a situation like this. I think you're doing a great job. Thank you. I really am Like. You know, I, as somebody that's been in your life for a little while, I've seen the difference and you know it's nice to see. I hate that you're going through this situation. You know, do not wish that on anybody to go through it, but it is unfortunately part of life. We will lose people and you know.
Speaker 2:Well, thank you for letting me talk about it.
Speaker 1:Of course I'm glad you came on. Yeah, I wasn't sure if you wanted you felt up to talking about it.
Speaker 2:I, you know it's still pretty. Okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, all right. Well, this will be like our first admitting that I will have conversations. We'll be talking about loss and grief. I know I'll be bringing Brenda on to Yay, just just because this is something we all deal with in one way or another. You're going to. You know we all experience loss. We're not all going to be on this world forever, kind of thank goodness right, like we're not going to be here forever. So it is something that we're you know, and working through it and finding ways that can help through it. Yeah, so it's over one, but thanks for coming on and sharing.
Speaker 2:What good thing we've got this podcast to help us.
Speaker 1:Right. Sometimes I think it's more like just being able to talk about it helps me. So that's sometimes getting my voice out and our voices out and talking about it. It's more about having the discussion and communication.
Speaker 2:Well, you heard it she is more interested in herself than you viewers.
Speaker 1:Really Now, you know. Oh, listeners, yes, Sorry, Well, but I mean, that's the thing, right? It's about taking care of yourself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no, I mean, it really is when you take care of yourself and love on yourself and show up for yourself, that radiates out and it can help others. Yeah, and that's kind of where it is. So it's more about if I do what's right for me and speak my truth and have people like you on, let's talk about your stuff and maybe it'll reach somebody that's going through the same thing and might be like oh, giving them ideas or ways or hope that there's a ways to get through it and get to the other side of it and work through it. There's a different way of handling it.
Speaker 1:Well said yeah, so all right. Well, with that, I think we're going to. Do you have anything else to add?
Speaker 2:No, I'm good.
Speaker 1:You're good.
Speaker 2:Thank you OK.
Speaker 1:Well, thanks for coming on and until next time stay wonderfully weird. Welcome to After Thoughts with Janet. I just got finished listening to the episode I recorded with Travis about the loss and how he's handling. So this one was a little more different. It was different than the normal in that we're looking at things of kind of in a way of as you change your mindset, you change your mind, as you change your mindset. When you change your mindset, it changes the way you behave, the way you come at the different situations in your life, and it's kind of interesting to see how that plays out, in that when you start respecting yourself and loving yourself, then it changes the energy that you put out into the world and because of that, then sometimes it changes how you react to things. And it's just so amazing to kind of see this stuff not only playing out in my life but how it's playing out in those people's lives that are around me. I am so grateful that he came on and we're cool and one thing, like we're starting into the new year.
Speaker 1:I did hesitate a little bit in putting this out because he is talking about loss, but I think it's important to also, in a way, look back, look at the growth that you've come. Look back six months. Where were you this time last year and how have you grown? You know we're here if you're listening to the podcast and you're here with me. We are growing and learning and ever evolving, and so I really just encourage those that are listening, maybe take a little bit from hearing Travis's story or what we talk about, and look at your life and celebrate the growth that you've had in your life and how, yeah, and sometimes this stuff changes and it's different and when it may feel different and it's you know. Just celebrate that and look into that. And I just again, I'm very grateful. I'm grateful for him coming on, I'm grateful for having this podcast I'm looking at this year is going to be a great year. I just wish everyone the best and I look forward to more and let's see what this new year brings. So until next time.