FLIPPED Mindset Podcast
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FLIPPED Mindset Podcast
Episode 3: Securing Your Oxygen Mask: Prioritizing Self-Love and Positive Self Talk
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Show Notes:
Are you ready to reframe how you view self-love and explore its power? This episode promises to open up a new perspective, and helping you understand how self-love is different from being selfish. We'll guide you through the process of prioritizing your needs, similar to the familiar advice of securing your own oxygen mask on a flight before assisting others.
We'll explore the power of positive self-talk and its ripple effects on your mindset and behavior. Find out how to give yourself the grace you deserve. So, strap in for this journey of self-discovery and let's uncover the power of self-love and self-talk together.
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The Power of Self-Love and Self-Talk
Speaker 1Welcome to the Flip Mindset Podcast . I am Janet .
Speaker 2And I'm Brenda .
Speaker 1Welcome to our podcast , where we're wonderfully weird .
Speaker 2And brave . All right , I'm going to give every time .
Speaker 1we do this , because it's scripted and I can't do scripted , so yeah .
Speaker 2Everything else we can't leave .
Speaker 1Get used to me giggling . It's going to happen , okay , all right . Well , welcome to today . In today's topic , we're going to be talking about self-talk and self-love . Yes , so why it's so important ? What is it , what it is not , and those kinds of things . So let's get into it , let's do it , all right . So the first thing I want to talk about is self-love and self-ish , Selfish . Yeah , I can't talk for you . It's okay , because I think it's very important , because I think this is something that we misunderstand .
Speaker 1What is self-love and what is selfish ? Like we almost think it's the same thing . It is not the same thing . So there's a quote , and I don't remember who said it , but it's what the difference between self-love and self-ish is .
Speaker 1Self-ish is when you care about , when you are putting your wants over everybody else's needs , and self-love is when you put your needs over everybody else's wants , and so I think that's very important is so self-love is taking care of yourself , filling yourself , pouring into yourself , making sure that you take care of yourself first , and then you're going to be able to be there in volumes for other people , absolutely so one of the things we talk about , like when you're on a flight and you have the flight attendant that says you know whatever , that the oxygen mask . You're supposed to put your oxygen mask on first before you help anybody else , right , so that you can take care of yourself . Then you'll be able to be able to help everybody else .
Speaker 2And then as a nurse , what we're taught like in a fire drill or like an active shooter . When I was at work in the ER as an active shooter drill , it was run for the nurses and stuff run , take care of yourself first run . And when we first learned that as nurses , that's counterintuitive , because we care about people and we care about our patients and stuff . And they're like okay , we were like why ? And they were like well , who's going to take care of everybody if all the nurses and healthcare staff are gone and hurt , can't take care ? So I thought that was a good example .
Speaker 1I think it is a really good example , because you know it's counterintuitive , because we're taught and told and society tells us we have to take care of everybody else first . We can't put ourselves first , because then we're being greedy , we're being selfish , we're not a good person and we're not you know , if we take care of ourselves first , we're wrong yeah .
Speaker 1And so that's kind of what we're trying to get , and this is kind of the underlying theme of this whole podcast is all about loving yourself , flipping your mindset so that you can then take care of yourself and then , therefore , you can take care of other people Absolutely . So we talked about this just a little bit as we're getting ready for this , and it's like you know we always talk about you can't . You can't pour from an empty cup , and the thing is , if I'm too busy taking care of everybody else's needs instead of my own , my cup's going to empty . So then who's filling into my cup ? There's nobody putting into my cup . Maybe a little bit , but not much , right ?
Speaker 1And then my cup gets empty and if I'm looking for external for everybody to fill it up , that's where you start getting a lot of the insecurities , jealousies . You know your neediness , the different attachment types , like all these different things . You know you're trying to you get into toxic relationships and trying to hang on to people that are not good for us , because we think that that's where we need to get our love and our , you know , to fill our cup back up . We're desperate . But what we don't realize is when we have self love , we fill our own cup up . It's almost like we are . We have access to a fucking waterfall . We just have to turn the spigot on and once we turn and turning that spigot on is self love and once we turn that spigot on , it'll always fill up our cup . Now our cup will be overrunning . Now we can set and help other people because we're taking care of ourselves first . And same way , in those , you know , in those situations when I mean those are emergency kind of situations it's important for you to take care of yourself first . So we just want to reiterate that that self love is not selfish . It doesn't make you a bad person . To take care of yourself , you have to take care of yourself because we , especially when we start getting into the ego and some of the other stuff that'll be in the next couple of episodes . You know , it's really , really important to understand that that you can do these things doesn't make you a bad person . It means that you love yourself .
Speaker 1So the other thing we were talking about is oh , we'll get into , so we'll talk about that one , get into self-talk , so alright , so now we'll talk about self-talk . So words are powerful and important . You know that whole saying you sticks and stones may break my bones , but words will never hurt me . It's a lie , it's such a lie . All those things can hurt you . Yeah , all of them can help hurt you , you know . But words , words , words are so freaking powerful and it's such your intentionality it changes .
Speaker 1You can just see , like , when you say words in a certain way , what , what difference it makes to you . Like there's an experiment we were talking about I'll have to look up who the scientist is and you were talking one , two , whereas he took water , same sore , same everything . He took water and some samples of water . He would say nice things to love , abundance , you're amazing . And he would flash , freeze them and then look at the crystals under microscope and then he would do the same thing with the same water samples . You know Different , you know same water source and everything .
Speaker 1And he would say he would say you're ugly , you're stupid , you know bad words to them . And then he would freeze them . And so you can look and see the difference , like in the , the positive ones , that the crystals it's all pretty , they're formed , it's nice , and the other ones are all deformed , they're dark there you know . So even just words , saying words out loud to your water , makes a difference . So can you imagine ? I mean , we're made of water and we got all this other stuff , the words we say is so freaking important .
Speaker 2Especially to the words to yourself . One of the first things that I learned and all of my trauma therapy , was no negative self-talk . Now , they didn't really go in a lot of detail exactly what that means . Like Most people would think , it's like , well , don't call yourself stupid , don't call yourself fat , don't call yourself down , well . But there's way more to that .
Speaker 2That's way more to it and I think one of the things that my sister pointed out with me is that sometimes I say you know , my husband called me princess . So I always say and he spoiled me . I always say I'm a spoiled former princess and she had reminded me that you know . That kind of puts me in a category when I've already set myself up for failure , like , well , you're a former princess , so you can't really do these things on your own because you were spoiled by your husband , right ? But now I'm living this new life and brave , and I realize , well , yeah , just by saying that and I had no idea that was a negative self-talk , so I mean , that's just kind of my example , yeah , I was wanting to talk about the , the plants .
Speaker 1Oh , oh , the plant experiment .
Speaker 2Well , the plant yeah , and I think this a lot of people have seen , this one too , is that a teacher put same type of plants in like this , like plastic kind of Exposure place ? Anyway , words are hard today . And so one plant they said all the kids talked real nice to and the other one they didn't talk and you could see the difference about growing . And the one they talked nice to it was like nice and full and lots of leaves , and the other ones just kind of wilted and everything .
Speaker 1So and I think there's tons of experiments everywhere .
Speaker 2Yeah , that are just very simple .
Speaker 1They're very simple and I think and we'll get back to where Brenda was talking earlier because that's really important but , yeah , we have to be really careful what you say to yourself . And yeah , like those places will say , you know , don't talk bad about yourself . And if you think about it , think about the things that you say to yourself on a daily basis . Or , just , like you know , take a step back and think of some of the few things that you said yourself . Like , look yourself in the mirror and you're like man , I'm fat and I got rolls and I'm so dumb , like all these things . Can you imagine saying that to somebody you love , to somebody you care about ?
Speaker 2Oh god . Now , how would that make me never ?
Speaker 1feel like . Like think about it . If you said the same words you said to yourself and you said it to somebody that you love and care about so much , how would you feel ? Yeah ? It would it would be devastating .
Speaker 2It was horrible right .
Speaker 1So why don't we feel that way when we're saying it about ourselves , like we are a loved one ? We need to be somebody we love more than anybody else in the whole world . You are the most important person in this world period . Yes , yes .
Speaker 1Everybody needs to hear that . I'm gonna say it again you are the most important person in this world and I know like that's hard to hear , like that's gonna be hard to hear for People because we're told we're not supposed to . If that feels like it rubs a little bit or you feel resistance in it , that's your ego , by the way , and we'll talk about that in the next episode .
Speaker 1But we need to get into this , like really about what self is , is and being aware of yourself . Talk , think , think like , whenever you know , like an AA and all those things . Right , like it's like you . The first step in knowing to fixing a problem is acknowledging or being aware that you have a problem . Yeah , so this self-talk is us being aware of the conversations that are actually going on inside of ourselves .
Speaker 1And some of this is scripted and these come from negative scripts , from stuff that we're learned when we're kids the way our parents talk to us , the way we saw our parents talking to themselves , because we see it , whether we , you know , because everybody does this self-deprecating humor . Yeah , right , yeah , it's again , we'll go back to society norms , it's , it's , you know , hey , I'm gonna make fun of myself before everybody else . Does you know it's accepted to be talking bad about ourselves and , oh man , I was so dumb . I did this the other day . Right , god , it makes it . It's hard for me to say Got into a point , we'll talk about that . But you know , like we become so normal that it's , it's , it's okay for us to talk bad about Ourself . Yeah , it's almost , it's almost encouraged to have these negative Conversations with ourselves . So . So it's kind of like we're that plant , that other plant that's being talked negative to , and we're wondering why we're not blooming , why we don't have flowers , why we don't have our beautiful leaves , why are we not branching out and in doing our dreams and and having this wonderful , amazing life that we know we deserve and we want ? So bad , but we're sitting here talking crap about ourselves , we're hurting ourselves , we're being our own worst enemy in its box . Yeah , it does so .
Speaker 1So that's what really this whole part of this podcast is is learning . I want everybody to learn how to love themselves , how to talk to themselves , the right way to get where , like , we go against that Social norm of oh it's , I'm in it . You know I'm gonna sit and say bad things about myself , like I think , too , once you start loving yourself , your insecurities will start to go away . Yes , yes , you know . And and loving yourself is not a switch , it's not a just automatically . I love myself , okay , I love myself . I love myself , universe , I love myself , right ? It's almost like as if when you fall in love with some , you know and you have . When you fall in love with somebody , is that person perfect ? No , you love them , even with their flaws .
Speaker 1Yeah right you accept their flaws . You have a best friend . Your children , your spouses , your parents love you like your parents . You know . You know you love one , see you , oh , but I'm just saying like , so , like these people that you love and care about . You know they're flawed , yeah , but you love them anyway . Yes , you don't expect them to be perfect , so why are you expecting yourself to be perfect ? Yeah , why are we hating on ourselves ? Because we're not perfect , because we don't look like everybody else or we don't ? You know we have these little things that we do . Why can we not love ourselves ? Why are we hating on ourselves so much when we should be loving ourselves just like we would our best friend or our lover or Our children , whatever it is ?
Speaker 2Yes , we should treat ourselves just as important as everybody else actually probably more important , yeah but I mean it's , we'll get there because this is your life , that you're living like you or the main character in your life . Right , and so if you're letting you know , other people Get to become the main character . You know you're not taking care of yourself , no , you're not loving on yourself .
Speaker 1You're not , yeah , you're not feeding into that . So , yeah , so you have all that . So , so the biggest thing is like Kind of to go back to what Brenda was talking about , the the princess thing , and one of the reasons what I was telling her is because , by her saying that that I'm a former princess , it allowed , it sets in place some negative scripts that are in the subconscious that you don't even realize , and so what it does is it automatically sets up oh well , I can't do this , or I'm you know , I'm not gonna do this , I'm you know .
Negative Scripts and Self-Worth
Speaker 1So it starts this negative path of things . So how did it feel when you said , well , I'm a former princess , how would you feel ? Like ? What are some of the feelings you would have when ?
Speaker 2you sit . Well , it would almost give me justification of not doing things that I need to do . Right , and I noticed that , like , especially lately , I've leaned on you to do a lot of like things on my new house . You know calling plumbers and stuff like that . And so after we talked , you know I needed my perfect cleaning , so I you gave me just the suggestion on who to call , so I called me the appointment . They came over . You know you weren't around . I usually make you , make you be there when people come over to the house , but you weren't and so I'm like , oh , I'm not a former princess , I am a goddess , I mean , that's so like a reason like , so when you when , so the first way that you felt , how did you feel , did it ?
Speaker 1Did you feel like shame and like you ?
Speaker 2could . Yeah , there's a little bit of shame and like that I just maybe wasn't good enough to do some of the things that I can do like I can't so now , when you did that , where you're ?
Speaker 1like okay , I'm not a former princess , and you took that in your own hand , which is congratulations , by the way . I'm so happy .
Speaker 2We already did our celebration on it .
Speaker 1Okay , yeah but so now , how do you feel about yourself ?
Speaker 2I feel accomplished , I feel proud , I feel Myself . Worth is just like through the roof now .
Speaker 1So so this is an example where it's one phrase that she said , one phrase where she said I'm a former princess . Yeah that's it . Yeah that was the phrase that she was on herself .
Speaker 2I'm a former and no one would have thought that's negative , but I'm , and I didn't either , but I can see where it led me right and the same thing .
Speaker 1So some of some other things , because not a lot of people have the former princess , that's true , that's true . So I want to give some examples of things that are these negative scripts that we need to be careful on when is can't ? I can't , right , I can't , I hate that .
Speaker 2I , I've taught my kids never say can't because because anytime you say you can't , you automatically can't .
Speaker 1No matter what you were wishing it , you were making it Happen . You were , you were putting that intention out into the universe I can't . So instead of saying I can't , you can say you can say things like oh , like . A good example is when we were working on your house and you're like I can't get up on the ladder , right , she was saying she can't get up on the ladder because physically she's worried about being up on the ladder .
Speaker 1But it would be more of like I don't want to get up on the ladder because I don't feel comfortable , like that , changing it instead of I can't , because the thing is you can do anything you want . We are built to do anything . You can do anything , but you can make the choice not to . So it's like I don't want to . I'm choosing not to do that . Yeah , instead of I can't , I can't , I can't . And no , think about say like , say , say something like I can't Cook . Very well , say I can't cook , right , feel how that feels in your body , saying I don't want to cook or I choose not to cook or I will try to cook .
Speaker 2Yeah .
Speaker 1I want to learn , I will . Instead , I want I will learn to cook . Like , think about , like the way you can just phrase things differently and how it feels in your body . One the same thing . Another one is I need , I should , right the shoulding . Don't shoot on yourself like we'll go into that in just a minute , but like that I need , like I need to get up in the morning , like I need , I need to get up early in the morning so I can go work out right there . We now think about that . Like , if you , if you say I need or I should right shoulds or shoulds or rules , you're automatically setting a rule up for yourself . So if you don't get up in the morning , you're automatically setting yourself up to fill . You're automatically gonna feel like you're , you're guilt and shame for not getting up in the morning , right ? So instead of saying I should , you could say I will or I will try to get up in the morning . So that way you're giving yourself grace if you don't , and then you don't start the day out feeling crappy .
Speaker 2You know we're doing this to ourselves .
The Power of Positive Self-Talk
Speaker 1You already lost . When you say I need , and that seems so rigid , and just feel it in your body , saying I need versus I will try or I will , that's you'll get to a point where you love yourself enough , you're like I will get up in the morning , I want to get up in the morning because I love myself enough , I will get up , or you know , whatever it is that's to me , that's a hard one for me because I hate getting up in the morning .
Speaker 2So this is been definitely not a morning person . I am not a morning person at all .
Speaker 1But you know . So the thing is is like knowing that about myself , I give myself grace . I don't set myself . So I never set myself up to do things in the morning , knowing that I'm going to then feel bad about it because I didn't do it . So then I said it . You know , I know myself enough to set it up later , but that's a whole nother . We got off the topic .
Speaker 1But the thing is , I want , I want you guys to think about the words that you're saying to yourself , and even those little words of I can't , I need I , you know I should , or I shouldn't , like do not , should , on yourself . Well , I had a therapist tell me that and I thought it was awesome , because it is setting a rule , you know , and Sometimes these rules that we're setting are not really rules , but we're , we're . We're then putting that Negativeness into our bodies and into our psyche and starting these negative scripts , because as soon as I say I Should get up in the morning to work out my body , if I listen to it , my head is already telling me yeah , you're not gonna get up in the morning , you're gonna let yourself down , you're gonna feel bad because you should have done it , but you're not going to , you're gonna feel bad all day . Yeah right , that's the script that's gonna run through my head all freaking day , unless I flip my mindset , and that's you know . The whole point is we're gonna flip it and say I will get up in the morning and take care and do this , and I will do this , or I'm gonna . You know Ways to give yourself grace .
Speaker 1So we really , really need to be careful on what we say to ourselves . Yes , so we will definitely be talking more about self-talk as well in the next one , when we start talking about ego and soul , because we're gonna go into what it actually sounds like when your ego is talking your soul and we'll go way more in depth and all that . But this is kind of the precursor , to kind of give you an idea that I want you guys to start thinking about . You know , like tomorrow morning , get up and start thinking about what is the scripts that go in your head , what are some things ? Write some things down , like start noticing .
Speaker 2Yeah , exactly what you're saying . What you're saying like the dialogue in your head . What's going on there ? What's going ?
Speaker 1on your on , because we're gonna eventually talk about what , how it is to like step away and be more An observer , because you were not your thoughts , you're not your thoughts , you're not your emotions . These are just things that are happening to you . So , so some of these thoughts and some of these words that get said to you are not yours . There are things you like somebody told you when you were a kid , or there's somebody you saw somebody else doing , or something like that . So so we'll get into talking more about that , but just start to notice .
Speaker 1That's it , yeah , that's all you got to do is just start to notice when you start to say I can't , I shouldn't , right , I Know you and Angel like I get on to you guys . I like Angel now gets to whenever I I talked to her and she'll say something like that and I'll like She'll like I know .
Speaker 2I know , I know .
Speaker 1But it's just so important . Yes , so now to kind of like we spent a lot of time talking
Exploring Self-Love and Compassion
Speaker 1about that . I wanted to kind of get back to the self-love a little bit , though kind of like I we will be talking about different ways because everybody says , oh , you got to love yourself , not talk about yourself , but you got to like the how , the how does it look . You know , what does it look like ? So one is changing these words that you say to yourself . Or let's say , something happened . They're like I'm a big overthinker . Actually , I'm starting to be a former overthinker . I don't think you know , but I would look at a situation and turn it upside down .
Speaker 1Oh , I should have said this , I should have done that I should have you know all these different things should have , should have , should have , should have , should have right . And so now I said and whenever you look at something like that , okay , how can I do better next time ? Or we'll talk about the student in the next one as well . It's like like if I said something and I was disrespecting myself , I didn't stand up for myself in the right way . Then I'll look at it and go , oh , I just respected myself self , I'm sorry . I'm sorry that I didn't stand up . I will do better next time . How can I do better next time ? See , that makes it sounds a lot better of like how can I do better next time ? Versus , I should have said this .
Speaker 1We can't go back and change what we did , but we can learn from it , and I think we talked about all that before is why is life happening to us ? Instead , it's what can I learn from this to move on ? So there's things like that . There'll be little things that we can switch on and off , so that's the biggest . We'll be continuing to talk about self-love . It's gonna be the underlining theme of pretty much everything , because again , once you can start loving yourself , pouring into your bucket Turning into yourself turning that faucet on .
Speaker 1Then the thing is is like you can validate yourself , you can put that love into yourself , and then , once you do that we were talking about this earlier too Once you do that , now you're coming at life with love and compassion . And so now when you're talking to other people , you can come at it when you're talking to somebody , and if somebody has a different opinion than what you do , you don't automatically get defensive . You're more compassionate and understanding and wanna learn their side of you . So we can learn how to be more loving and compassionate to everybody and kind of start this movement of just love . And there's too much hate out there , so we wanna start counteracting it with love .
Speaker 1And it really starts by loving yourself , and really you don't have to , that's all it is , and then you start healing . You will get more into it , because really , if you think about it .
Speaker 2Hate comes from a place of you hating yourself and you don't want certain people's light to shine on you because you're so insecure and stuff , so you have to hate . I mean that's like a simple , simplistic view of it , but I mean I think it . Yeah , it comes from a place of insecurity and not feeling loved , and you're hating yourself , hating yourself and not having yourself worth , which is all of this stuff .
Speaker 1We'll go into all that stuff more in the next couple of episodes of talking about self-worth and all that . But you're right , and it's hard sometimes . It's really really hard because we're carrying around a lot of shame and guilt . So we will be talking about some of the different ways we can start looking at that to help alleviate it , because sometimes , when you're carrying around this shame and guilt , you hate yourself . I hate that , I did that , I hate that I hurt somebody and I did all these things . But there's ways that you can then combat it and I think when we talk more about the ego and stuff , that'll help a lot as well . So , absolutely , so okay , I think we've kind of beat that up . Was there anything else we can like ?
Speaker 2No , no , I think that we learn to love ourselves and we understand a little bit . Well , this is the foundation , the foundation , the foundation of learning .
Speaker 1Of learning how to love ourselves , why it's important , and then we're gonna start on some steps . So , really , your only homework now is to start Just notice , to start noticing the words that you say to yourself Okay , yes , all right , that's it for today .
Speaker 2Be brave be you Until next time stay wonderfully weird .
Speaker 1Hello and welcome to After Thoughts with me . So we just had I just re-listened to episode three , part one . After I recorded this , I decided to do a part , a second part , that will have more of the how-to's . I actually did a coaching session and kind of came up with some stuff and I thought it was pretty good . I wanted to like give you some more how-to's on the self-talk . So , as you can tell , I'm pretty passionate about it . You guys know like I have an outline when I usually go to do these , but sometimes I go a little off script or we get off script . So I appreciate your patience as we're learning and growing on this podcast . The other thing I did look up the experiment on the water that I talked about . It's by a Japanese scientist , masaru Amoto , and he wrote a book Hidden Messages in Water . If you get a chance to go , look at any of those videos . It's really cool in the experience , the experience that he did . So just another way of saying like how important self-talk is and the way you say things . So and on that , like I have to mention before , I do realize I'm saying right and you know , and a lot . So I'm working on those . Again , these have been recorded a few months ago , so I think we're coming a long way . I'm learning and growing with you guys . I appreciate your patience and I like that you guys are here . So we will have a bonus episode . So I'll have a second bonus episode coming out which I will put out on Thursday . So this one will come out Wednesday and then I'll have the other one on Thursday .
Speaker 1One of the things I want to do is sometimes , like with the words Noticing some of the words that I say and how I say them , I get kind of caught up in the moment or it's ways that I'm used to saying things . So I wanted to kind of put it like my desire , what I want , my goal of this podcast is to help people and to help those that are interested in taking steps to improve their lives , who might be interested in learning more about self-talk , self-love , maybe a different perspective . I know sometimes , in the way that I say things , I say them very commanding or like some of it's the way I say things and I'm learning . So I'm learning and I appreciate you guys being here and growing with me , just like I say sometimes when we talk a lot of the things that we say . Sometimes I generalize and say everyone when really it's not everyone . So these are words and stuff that I'm learning and I am improving as we go forward . So I appreciate you guys' patience .
Speaker 1I am so excited you guys are here and that we're doing this , and over the next couple of episodes I tend to be a little , I feel like I'm a little teachy , so if it does , I apologize , but we'll get back to the . I mean , we're gonna still have the back and forth and I am gonna have some more . I have some people coming on and talking in some of the future ones . So , alright , you guys have until next time . Stay . Wonderfully weird .
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