FLIPPED Mindset Podcast
Welcome to FLiPPED Mindset Podcast! Your perception shapes your reality! Join us on a journey of self-discovery, changing perspectives, and creating the life of your dreams. Let's explore, understand, and have some fun along the way!
FLIPPED Mindset Podcast
Episode 17: Finding Peace Amidst Life's Greatest Challenges
What if simply being present could offer more comfort than any words or actions? Join me as I open up about a heart-wrenching journey of losing a dear friend to stage four cancer and the invaluable lessons it imparted. Reflecting on a 25-year friendship that evolved profoundly during her final days. This episode is dedicated to anyone grappling with similar challenges, extending heartfelt empathy and insights from an intensely personal experience.
Friendship has the power to transform us, especially during our darkest times. Listen along as I recount how a meaningful pen pal exchange deepened my bond with my friend, offering a beacon of light during a traumatic period in my life. This journey underscored the beauty of human connection, resilience, and the mutual support that is vital in the face of loss.
Embracing vulnerability is key to living an authentic life, even amidst chaos. Through the bittersweet moments of holding my friend's hand during her final moments, I found peace and a renewed sense of purpose. Join me as I invite you into a space of authenticity and encouragement, hoping to inspire others to embrace their true selves and find joy in the midst of life's inevitable chaos.
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Welcome to the Flipped Mindset Podcast. Hi, I'm Janet and it's just me tonight. So welcome to my podcast, where I believe you change your mindset, you change your life. So tonight you just have me, and it is nighttime that I'm recording. Who knows when. I'm going to post this, hopefully soon. I'm actually sitting on my back porch right now because it's an absolutely beautiful evening and maybe I should like take some pictures. Maybe at the end I'll take some pictures, or I do a little like while I'm on air recording. Okay, I'm going to take a quick picture so I can post it later. All right, so now that we're into this. Sorry for that little digression.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I've been wanting to do this podcast for a little while and it's about kind of bringing everybody up to speed and what's been going on in my life. I have taken a pause for those that have been following me and it's interesting because I've actually had people reach out and be like, well, when's the next podcast? And you know those kinds of things. So here we go, we're just going to jump into it tonight. I'm feeling inspired and I want to talk about it and I think it's time for me to talk about it. So tonight's about what I've been going through.
Speaker 1:So a few months ago I had a friend of mine reach out to me. She had stage four cancer and she reached out to me and wanted to come live with me. She was getting to a point she was living by herself and she's getting to a point she couldn't live, do it on her own anymore. And I had over the you know and we were pretty close and talking to her and stuff. I had told her many times that you know when she's ready she could always come stay with me. Many times that, um, you know when she's ready she could always come stay with me. So I actually uh, flew out to California and got her and drove her back and moved her back here with me. Um, I did not realize how short of a time I was going to have with her. Um, I thought I'd have months and maybe like her being here and not having to worry about some of the things she had to worry about on her own, that she would be feeling better and doing better, and I did not realize where it was at. So I don't want to delve too much into the details because she was kind of a private person and so I will like not go into too much of the details and more about, like, my learning through this experience, because this is not the first time I've lost somebody that was close to me, but it is the first time that I've had to watch somebody die. And for those of you that have gone through that, currently going through it or will ever go into it in the future, it's interesting. I don't know. It's it's, it's a it's it's. It's hard to explain, so let me, let me back up a little bit and we'll get into it. My heart goes out to all those that have to go through this kind of thing, and so it was interesting to have her here and she was.
Speaker 1:I always called her. We had been friends for like 25 years. I'd known her since I was like the same age as my daughter is now. I was 23 when we met and, yeah, it was a little over 25 years. We started doing the math and stuff and she was one of those that I met her out in California.
Speaker 1:I was in the Navy and the Navy took me out to California and San Diego and within the first month or so of being there, that's when I met her. Actually, a friend of mine, met her and then introduced us all and we had this whole big group of friends, which was amazing. It was the first time I had a group of friends, that people I wasn't family with, that I felt like family wasn't family with. I felt like family that I felt truly loved and cared for and non-judged, like I could just be myself. And it was amazing to have that kind of community and having that kind of tribe, right, your vibe tribe. Um, so it was a very interesting. So me and her connected really well off the bat.
Speaker 1:Um, you know, we always said we were soul sisters, soulmates, whatever you want to say Like I always felt like she was one of my soulmates, you know, one of the platonic kind that throughout the years I mean when you're, when you're friends with somebody over 25 years it makes a difference right, like you got something there when you have those long term friends. And even though we didn't talk all the time, when we did get, you know, we were always there for the big things for each other and um, there's many times she came and stayed with me when she had a hard time. Um, she helped me through some hard times of my own. Um, she was even there. Um, stayed in the hospital with me when my son was born, um, so that my husband at the time could be with my daughter. So there's a lot of stuff there, a lot of history, a lot of laughs, a lot of um.
Speaker 1:One of my favorite memories of her is I went down to San Diego at a time that I I was living in Los Angeles at the time and I'd gone down there and me and her stayed up all night set. We were sitting at the end of a pier Um, I forget which one it was, but we were at one of the piers and there's this, the big, huge rocks, if you can imagine, like on the beach, and the big, huge rocks, and we're sitting on those big rocks and just talking. Like that's all we did all night was just talking about everything, and we were able to talk about even those deep, dark secrets that you don't usually tell anybody, those little thoughts that you think are only yours, and then to say them out loud and and know that it was a. You know we held a safe space for each other, and be able to talk about those things really like it helped in defining, helps me, and so much in my life and knowing that I always had somebody out there in the world that loved me, cared about me, like truly, um, was really amazing and something I am always going to be grateful for, that I had had her in my life and I miss her immensely and I'm going to try not to cry, um.
Speaker 1:So this experience of you know, a few years ago, um, she's one of these friends too that like, like she always liked the, she was a writer and she liked to send mail to me and things like that. So you would get random letters and cards and stuff like that in the mail. Even my kids would get them sometimes as well. And so, and you know how life gets and it gets busy and and you know, you've got like I got kids and I got all this stuff going on. Most of the time I would never send anything back. And a couple of years ago, um, I had, like um, a traumatic event that happened in my life that we kind of talked about with my brother-in-law and stuff, and it kind of put me in this tailspin and I'll, you know, go into that story another time.
Speaker 1:Um, but basically it helped in this like a weakening this, like opening my eyes to things, life a little bit, and stuff like that, and I reached out to her cause. I needed help and she was there for me and since then I started. We started doing the pen pal thing, like she had sent me something and I sent her something back. And then, or I saw something in the store and I was like oh, that reminded me of her instead of just like oh it in the store, and I was like oh, that reminded me of her instead of just like oh, it reminded me of her. And I move on. I actually took action and I bought it for her, boxed it up and sent it to her without telling her, and so it was like a surprise for her. And so we started doing this back and forth, writing letters, sending care packages and stuff Um, anybody that follows my social media, we'll see some of those on there as we would post what we got from each other and stuff.
Speaker 1:And so it was really fun to have that kind of relationship and especially going through this journey, my spiritual journey that I'm going through, to go through it with somebody and be able to talk to somebody else about it that understands it and somebody that's known me through all these different phases of my life was really, really amazing, and so I'm really glad that that was the case and it wasn't a case of us losing touch and stuff and then only catching back in touch or not getting in touch at all towards the end. So what it allowed is for us to be close and for us to for us to be close and for us to. When she needed help, um, I was there and to be able to be there and was amazing. I feel like it was a blessing for me. Um, I feel very honored that I was able to be there for her and it means a lot to me.
Speaker 1:Um, so, yeah, it was interesting to go get her and bring her here and, um, we, it didn't take long. It was about a week later she ended up in the ER and things had progressed a lot, and then it wasn't long before she's back at my house on hospice and, um, I took care of her the best I could for as long as I could, until it got to a point where she needed more care than I could give. Like, she needed that 24 hour medicines and stuff like that that we just couldn't do here at the house. My sister was a godsend, like she stepped up in a big way when she didn't even have to. She'd show up, take over some of the night shifts so I could get some sleep. She'd show up, take over some of the night shifts so I could get some sleep. And you know, we just, you know helping each other out and supporting each other so that we could show up the best way we could for her.
Speaker 1:For my friend, it's very, very hard to watch somebody you love die, watching them slowly deteriorate, watching. I called it it and she would laugh. She would think it was funny, um, but uh, I called it like it was her sloth mode. She started slowing down and it was like there at the end it was like sloth races, um and uh, she would have got it. She had that kind of humor, so, but it was also traumatic.
Speaker 1:But I think there's a lot of learnings that came out of that and that's kind of what I want to focus on is, like in any time that we have a hard, difficult time through life, there's different ways that we can look at things and different ways that our mindset can be and we can be like, oh gosh. So you know, life is so hard, but during that time it was also testing me and I was learning things, um, and it gave me a chance to to use some of the methods and tools that I have learned and and doing things differently than I've done before. So so some of those would be than I've done before. So so some of those would be, um, knowing my limits. That was a big thing, because normally, um, I'm a recovering people pleaser. Uh, I thought that was what we had to do. We had to people please all the time, and I take care of everybody else, and that's the way I learned love, and that's the only way I could get love and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, right, uh, so, learning that, um, knowing what my limit was, and then, when I hit that limit, being able to let people know and say, hey, I need help, I can't do this anymore. And I was, and people listen to me, um, you know, and and we were able to get her the help, um, the extra help she needed.
Speaker 1:And the biggest thing was not shaming and guilting myself, cause that's one thing that that's very hard to do, and if we start doing that, we go in that lower vibration, lower frequency because I couldn't take care of her and if I would have continued and been afraid of being shamed and guilt into it, it would have been detrimental. I couldn't, I wouldn't have been able to show up for her in the way she needed me to. And once she was back in the hospital, we actually talked about it and she didn't hold it against me. She understood, and even though there was times of clarity and then times of not clarity, those that have been through this kind of understand so during those clarity times, she understood, she understood why she couldn't. She wanted to be home. Um, and it's hard, it's, it's really really hard when you, when you want to bring them home, you want them to be comfortable, you want to, you want, you want to fix it. That's.
Speaker 1:The other thing I learned is I've been a fixer. I've been, you know, as a people pleaser, fixing it, I want to fix it, I got to fix it. That's how I should, how I'm worthy, that's how things oh, the dogs just came out. So, if you're dogs, sorry about that, uh, but it's it's. I wanted to fix it.
Speaker 1:And and knowing that, like I couldn't fix it, but the best thing I could do for her, was to be there for her, like that was, that was me helping, and sometimes we think the way we help is we've got to fix it, we got to make them feel better, we got to do this stuff. And sometimes it was just me being there, just being present, and even towards the end, when I didn't even realize she knew that I was in the room, like I would go up there and sit with her in the hospital, and it got to a point where I didn't even think, yeah, she was very coherent and, um, but the doctors, when the doctors would call me, they would tell me, yeah, you know, she, she knew I was there, even if we didn't have a conversation, cause she really wasn't in a point where she could have a conversation with me. Um, so it was so learning that and being comfortable with that and just knowing that, me being there for her and loving her and even like things like she wanted, because she was, she was one of these that, um, I always called her my nomad friend. That didn't have a lot of human interaction a lot of the time. So some of the time she would be like I just want you to hold my hand, I just want to, so we would set and I would just hold her hand, and it was those beautiful moments that I got to have with her that I will treasure forever and I'm just really really glad.
Speaker 1:And when we were in the hospital the first time, when she knew she was going to come to hospice with me, um, she, she was feeling bad. She's like I'm sorry you're going to have to take care of me. I feel so bad. You know she's been a strong, independent woman and I get it. So I'm a strong, independent woman too and, uh, I would you know, um, but there comes a time and one of the things I told her is that I don't feel bad. I am honored and blessed to be able to be here for you, to do this for you, and it really was to be able to take care of my friend, um having those special moments, having conversations, getting to giggle and laugh with her and um, doing those things, even though, like, in a way, they were a little bit bittersweet, knowing that they could have the last and, uh, it was hard, it was, it was really really hard, um. So that was a couple of things that I learned, um.
Speaker 1:Another like positive thing that came out of this is learning to show up for the people, really learning how to show up for the people around you, not showing up in a way that you think, like when you come at it in a way of like truly wanting to be there for somebody else, and you're able to put your ego and the and your and all the other things aside and be like, how can I show up for you? This isn't about me, this is about you. But then there's like a balance. I don't know if you guys can hear the um tigers or not, but I have a tiger safari thing by my house. Um, they're starting to roar, so it'd be cool if you guys could Um. So anyway, like um, so knowing that right, learning that piece of it of how can I show up for these people around me while also taking care of myself. So still making sure I had the time to do my self-care, the rituals and things that I have to help keep me centered and grounded and keep me in a good head space, keep me in a good heart space and not spiraling down this avenue of overwhelm and exhaustion and frustration and all those things. It is very, very easy to happen in a situation like that, and so, like the day after the day after my friend passed, so I I was able to be um bedside when she took her last breath, which, um, I was glad I got to be there, and, uh, they did a lot of really cool things for her. She was also in the Navy, so, um, the way they honored her was amazing and um, I later, you know, talked to her family and got to tell them all the things that happened.
Speaker 1:Um, but the next day, the day after, I had picked my son up from school, um, cause, you know, life goes on and you still have to like, do the mom thing and do the job thing and do the do the things that that we have to do. So I'd picked my son up from school and when we came home I could tell he had, he was upset, he was frustrated, he was kind of snapping at me a little bit and I, um, I had him, you know, he went in his room and he laid down and I went in there to like, ask him something, and he kind of snipped at me and I could have. I had a decision to make at that point. I could have stayed or I could have like walked away and be like, eh, it's just a teenager, I've got my own things to do. I need to like, you know, I I'm trying to.
Speaker 1:I just lost my friend, you know all these things, and um, what I did instead is I went and laid on the bed with him. And he's laying on the bed with his head towards the wall, you know, and I'm just laying off to the side, and he looked at me or he kind of like what are you doing? And I was like well, if you're going to be frustrated because he told me he's frustrated, he's like oh, if you're going to be frustrated, then no need for you to be frustrated alone. So I just laid there, which I kind of it was comforting for me too, because it was nice to be around him and we sat there in silence for a while and then, before long, he started opening up and talking to me and and and and.
Speaker 1:Then, like, as we're talking and stuff, there was parts of my mom. My mom brain wanted to fix it Right. I wanted to fix it. I wanted to fix it instead. And the little voice in my head said shut up, mom. Like just be quiet. And the only things I would say is that is frustrating. You know, I would just validate his feelings instead of them. Well, you shouldn't feel that way, or this could be this way, or trying to fix it. It was not the time for any of that. So, learning that like, oh, the growth in that and how you can show up for people, and um, and after that it wasn't long, it didn't take long, you know, for him. He got to feel what he needed to feel and then everything was good and he was feeling better and he gave me a hug and like we started growing closer together because of doing that. And if I wouldn't have done that, you know, I'd probably still be frustrated and like, oh, the teenagers and all the things that happened. So it's just so interesting to see how things you know come into your life and the difference that they make.
Speaker 1:And I miss my friend. I miss her so so much. So I do have some stories like a little bit on, like she was a psychic and an empath as well and she was highly intuitive, and so what was interesting to have her, my sister and me, in the house together was because I'm highly intuitive as well, I'm also an empath. I'm raising my light, raising my vibration On my spiritual journey. Anybody that's been following I talk about it and stuff, even those that know me. So the thing is is like my friend came out and was like she asked she was like I want to say this, but I don't want to like lead you guys. She was also a psych tech in the, in the military, so she had like this way about really like interacting with people and she would. She was like do you guys see things or have activities like so at night time in our house because of beach?
Speaker 1:My friend, in the process of transitioning, there was a lot of spirits. We we had our spirit guides, we had we didn't really like know all of them and we and what's interesting is, all three of us had had something happen to us. You know that we had seen things, heard things, like we had these different experiences, but nobody was saying anything about it because we're just kind of like going about our business. And then my friend said something and then we all started talking about it and it was very interesting to see because my sister is also a highly, highly intuitive person as well, and so like it was really neat Like my sister saw one of her, her, her cats that after my brother-in-law passed, my sister came to live with me with one of her elderly cats and her the elderly cat stayed here until her time um was up and so she saw mama's, she saw her cat and then, um, I, I am more like audible.
Speaker 1:So if you guys know anything about the clear senses, um, I think I might do some stuff on those and talk more about clear senses and things like that. But, um, one of my main ones is, I'm clear audience, which is very interesting. Um, so there would be things that I would hear conversations or I would hear laughing and singing, like, and I would, and it would be like just me and my friend and my friend would be asleep, and so I'd be like, oh, it's just, there was a lot of activity. We could feel it was all good stuff, happy stuff, warm stuff, and it was just a good feeling because I did put protections around the house and things like that to make sure during that time we wanted to make sure that only good, good light beings were coming in. So I don't know where you guys are on your spiritual journey, or what you believe or not believe, it doesn't really matter. This was the experience that we had and it was really really awesome to kind of have that experience with them.
Speaker 1:And since she passed, um, you know, we don't have those activities happening in the house anymore. Um, so it was kind of interesting. One of the things too. I guess they were being a little intrusive. They were like knocking on her door and keeping her up, sometimes at nighttime. So, uh, I had to have a little talk with them and tell them to not knock on doors and not be intrusive, like you're welcome here to to be with us and help us as long as you're here for our better good, and but just no knocking at doors in the middle of the night. So, but, uh, yeah, it was, it was interesting, it was, um, it was definitely life changing.
Speaker 1:And, um, one of the other things I learned from all this is life is too fucking short. It is too fucking short. And here's the thing Like, we all hear that, right, life is short, life is short. It's almost like we've heard it enough. I've heard it enough that it doesn't really resonate anymore until something like this happens. And the thing is here's something that's, here's something that I heard and I really, really like it is. Life is too fucking short. Why are we pretending we're going to survive it? Why are we acting like we're going to fucking survive this? And we really do.
Speaker 1:And I started evaluating my life and the way I've been living. My life is like, oh, if I do everything right, if I do these things that everybody tells me to do, I'm, you know, like what is going to be the end game. The end game is the same for all of us. Somehow, some way, we're not surviving this, our human bodies and the way that we put, like our human bodies, these vessels that we are in right now. We're not going to survive forever. We're not going to live forever. So, in that, what I've been working on, I've been working really hard on some stuff and that's kind of why I disappeared for a little bit.
Speaker 1:I do post things on Facebook and stuff, but I've got my coaching business. I started putting it out, I started working on it before everything happened and I put a pause on it. I am coming back in big ways. You can follow me on all the social medias here's my age coming out right the Facebook and the snappy snap I'm just kidding, I don't do Snapchat, but on Facebook, of course, you can find me on the Flip Mindset podcast and I'll be posting a lot of stuff on all my socials. Same thing with Red Feather Serenity, which is my. I have a webpage and I have a Facebook now for that. That's going to be my coaching. That's my business.
Speaker 1:Red Feather Serenity that. Actually I was struggling with a name for my business and my friend she had come up with hers and hers was Blackbird and those that know my friend would understand the reference and things like that. And she's also Indian. I think hers is Cherokee, is the kind of Indian she is, and I'm Choctaw. So that was one thing we always resonated really well with, too, is the Indian side of things, and so I started thinking about it and so that's where I came up with Red Feather Serenity is. The Red Feather comes from my Indian side, my mom's side. So, like her Indian name and things like that, that's where the red feather comes from. This has to do with the hawk, the red-tailed hawk. So, yeah, so you can find me over there on Red Feather Serenity.
Speaker 1:I also am starting a group, a private group, that says Don't Overthink this. So it's going to be a safe community for non-judgment kind of a place for us to be, for those that are the recovering overthinkers or maybe you're currently overthinking and you want to get over overthinking If you want to have this authentic life and show up and and be able to like, let loose and be yourself without all the chatter in your brain or the people pleasing right, like, like, as I talked to earlier, in learning overcoming my people, pleasing has allowed me to be in this place of calmness and peace, even though there's chaos in the outside. Also, finding my joy. I've been able to find my joy and stuff like that. Do you want to find your joy? Do you even know what your joy is? Does it even scare you thinking about what your joy is? If so, you may want to come over and see what's going on.
Speaker 1:Um, I'm going to talk about these things. I want to talk about these things. Life's too short and life's too short to be fucking perfect. So I'm going to start being. I'm going to be here, I'm going to be vulnerable. I'm going to start showing up in in whatever way that it works for me to show up, um, because I don't want to pretend, I don't want to keep acting like. I'm going to survive this because I'm not.
Speaker 1:One day I'm going to be transitioning, just like my friend, and I want to make, I want to shine my light and I want to shine it bright and I want to help those that are, that are want to shine their bright light, lights bright, and maybe they don't know how yet. Um, they need a little guidance. They need a little um. Sometimes, you know, I found a group and I found my way and I found these tools and I found this stuff to help me. So now it's um time to to pay it forward, right, those you know. So, if you want to support me, follow me, do all the things. The things is the things and, um, I'll meet you on the other side. So until next time, stay wonderfully weird.
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