Joy After A Herniated Disc

One wrong twist can change your entire relationship with your body. Tiffany joins us to share how a well-meaning yoga for healthy aging class, plus hypermobility, turned into an L5-S1 disc extrusion and brutal sciatica that made normal life feel impossible. The pain isn’t just physical. It’s the way time slows down, sleep disappears, and your world shrinks to pacing the house while you count the days until relief.

We get specific about the recovery journey people search for when they type “herniated disc surgery recovery,” “L5-S1 sciatica,” and “nerve pain after back surgery.” Tiffany walks through the misstep of thinking it was piriformis syndrome, what finally changed after an MRI, and the moment a trip and fall pushed her from “this is hard” to “this is unmanageable.” We also talk about what surgeons don’t always emphasize enough: nerve pain may not vanish right after surgery because nerves need time to calm down and heal.

Then we go where the real work lives: fear of reherniation, anxiety spikes from tiny sensations, and how to stop comparing your timeline to strangers online. Tiffany also shares a crucial PSA about gabapentin tapering, withdrawal symptoms, balance issues, and why self-advocacy matters when a standard protocol doesn’t fit your nervous system. If you’re early in recovery and wondering whether joy comes back, this conversation offers honest reassurance and practical perspective.

Subscribe for more recovery stories, share this with someone living with sciatica or back pain, and leave a review if the show helps you feel less alone. What part of recovery do you wish more people understood?

Transcript

When Joy Disappears

SPEAKER_03 0:00

One one of the reasons that this um injury was so upsetting was just I had lost so much joy. Things got so, so dark for me. Um, so yeah, I mean, I just uh I'm beginning, I'm eight, I'm eight eight weeks today. So I'm still early in my recovery. I don't consider myself fully recovered at all. I'm you know, um, there's still healing that needs to happen both physically and emotionally. Um, but I'm beginning to like just just experience pleasure in the smallest of things, you know, like my morning coffee or a walk around the block or a hug. And um, yeah, I mean, the the joy is starting to come back, but it it was absent for for a long time.

Welcome And Why Stories Matter

SPEAKER_00 0:43

Welcome to Bed Back and Beyond, sharing positive stories of recovery from serious back or neck injury. Your host is CK, a fellow champion who draws on her own experience with permeative disc surgery. Join her as she talks with others who have overcome the physical and emotional trauma of a painful injury. And discover for yourself how you can find hope and encouragement in recovery.

SPEAKER_05 1:11

Welcome to this episode of Bed Back and Beyond. On today's episode, I am joined by Tiffany, and she is here to share her her needed disc experience and the things that she has learned physically but also emotionally from this experience. Hi, Tiffany.

SPEAKER_03 1:26

Hi, CK. So I just want to start by saying thank you because um during um all the preparation for the surgery and um even after, I you were my go-to. Um I went to your podcast, especially because it was filtered for success stories. So there were so many stories out there that were scary to me. And I knew that you had um essentially chosen carefully um, you know, stories that hadn't had an outcome that represented success. And so that was very helpful to me because it allowed me a safe place to go for information. So um I I just want you to know how much your work means. And I have really immense gratitude that that was a resource that was available. Thank you. Um, and I saw you in different places, like I read it and I recognized that that was you. And and then um I also think the name of the podcast is just super ingenious. Like I just I I love, I know I think I think you said that you your husband might have thought of that. Is that right? It's my husband's brainchild. So, but that is so creative, and I just I loved it. So um but so I just want to start by saying thank you for having me, but more importantly, thank you for being there when I when I really needed those stories. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 2:44

That means so much to me. Thank you. I'm just doing what I wish I had when I was going through the experience. Sure, sure. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah.

Tiffany’s Life Before The Injury

SPEAKER_05 2:53

So why don't you uh tell us a little bit about yourself? Where are you located?

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Do you have hobbies? Sure, sure. Um, so I'm in the Northeast, I'm in Massachusetts, about an hour and a half away from uh from uh Boston. Um people think the state stops at Worcester, but we there is actually a western part to the state. Um, yes, I uh so I'm a mom. I'm a mom of two. Um I'm a career coach. I had my first 25 years in corporate, uh I was an executive, I was an HR VP. Um I left about four years ago to start my own business and career coaching. Um and it's something that I just absolutely adore. I love my job. I feel so grateful to do it, and it's a good time to do it too, because there's a lot of um, there's there's a uh there's a lot uh of activity that's happening since COVID where people are rethinking their careers. So I've I think that it's deeply meaningful and rewarding. Um I'm also a photographer. Um, these are some of uh my photos in back of me. This was a a trip to Iceland and um you know I just um I'm a person that really, you know, feels grateful to be alive, which is one of the reasons that this um injury was so upsetting was just I had lost so much joy. Things got so, so dark for me. Um so yeah, I mean, I just uh I'm beginning, I'm eight, I'm eight, eight weeks today. So I'm still early in my recovery. I don't consider myself fully recovered at all. I'm you know, um, there's still healing that needs to happen both physically and emotionally. Um, but I'm beginning to like just just experience pleasure in the smallest of things, you know, like my morning coffee or a walk around the block or a hug. And um, yeah, I mean, the the joy is starting to come back, but it it was absent for for a long time. Absolutely.

L5-S1 Disc Extrusion From Yoga

SPEAKER_03 4:43

So, what was your injury? So I had a um uh disc extrusion at L5S1, um, apparently a very common location for um for herniation, and it was a pretty significant extrusion. So um the the nerve was very, very irritated because it was, of course, the extrusion was pressing up against it. Um I had read that this injury happens, you know, most commonly between between 20 and 50. Um I'm 51 years old. Um, so I I thought I might have been out of the window, but apparently not. Um so the jelly-like substance gets harder as we age. So as you know, in our in our uh older years, apparently it's less common for the disc to rupture because that jelly-like substance is more like a gummy bear, right? It's it's a little bit more, it's firmer. Um, but I I was on the I'm you know, there's no there's no age where it can't happen. And so what happened was I um I signed up for a yoga for healthy aging class.

unknown 5:55

Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 5:56

Thinking I was, you know, I was thinking I was doing something wonderful for my body. And um I felt really proud to be, you know, um investing in my physical health and and you know, yoga, something that's supposed to be very, you know, centering and and balancing. And so I signed up with fantastic intentions. And what occurred was um I'm I'm hypermobile. So my joints, my ligaments, uh I guess the best way to describe it is I'm I'm flexible, right? And so I'm able to move in lots of different ways that, you know, for an average body might feel painful, but that flexibility got me into a mess of trouble. Okay. So yeah, so so there were certain poses in yoga where, you know, one in particular where we were twisting, and I was twisting my spine, like literally like seeing how far I could go with my range. And that motion, um, along with like some very deep forward folds, apparently just put way too much pressure on the disc.

SPEAKER_05 7:02

So I have a couple thoughts. I've re-herniated my L5S1. I'm 48 years old. I was so close, Tiffany. Oh wow. When did that happen? Uh probably in January. So um of this year? Yes.

SPEAKER_03 7:19

Uh-huh. Oh wow. I didn't know that.

SPEAKER_05 7:21

Okay, it's not, it's it's nowhere near as terrible as it was in 2019. Like that was 10 out of 10 pain. The I the I experience intense pain when I cough or sneeze or try to use the bathroom. So I did the course of steroids and the pain didn't go away. And that's when I knew, like, uh, this is probably a reherniation. Uh, and I'm waiting to see uh an orthopedic right now just to hopefully refer me to physical therapy. But I was so close to that 50 years old. Oh, how how are you feeling? Oh, I'm I'm fine, fine. I uh my doctor gave me uh Celebrex, is it? Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, and he did give me a muscle relaxer, which knocks me out. So I I don't take it. My my back muscles are probably the worst, they're just guarding, so they're constantly tight. Okay, okay. I'm sitting on the floor right now, like I can live life. So I don't think surgery is in the future for me.

SPEAKER_03 8:18

Okay, okay. Oh, I will hope that you're able to avoid that. And they do say that, you know, there's a the body's the body's natural immune system does go in and clean these things up, right? That it it doesn't it it didn't happen for me um or it would have taken a lot longer than I was able to wait. But they do say that, you know, there's a process in which the body's immune system recognizes, oh, you know, this this jelly shouldn't be or this like extruding material shouldn't be here. And then they send these micro macrophage cells to essentially do like a cleanup process. So I will hope for you that you are able to avoid surgery. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 8:57

And the other thing I was gonna say is um when I had the surgery, I came out of the surgery and the um doctor said to me, Are you hypermobile? Absolutely not, like me and flexibility, those two words never go to the same sentence together. Okay, because your Dora around your spinal cord is much thinner than it should be. And that was that was that. I was like, okay. And then recently I saw a um sports massage therapist. And as she's massaging me, she says, Oh, you're hypo hypermobile. I said, No, I'm not, but you're the second person to say it to me. She says, You have the muscles, the feel of someone who has hyper mobility. Plus, when she did some stretching, she said, my hips opened up wider. Interesting. So I'm wondering if maybe because I've re-herniated it, but I've herniated some other discs as well. So I'm wondering if maybe there's a hope hypermobility issue there that I just was not addressing.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

So yeah, so I feel like I've been so I I I've been watching your your your stuff, even like your celebration at seven years, which must have been very recently. Yes. So did this happen after you recorded that? It did. Jinx myself. And was this from the dog pulling on the leash? That was 2000. That was original. Okay. So I'm a fan, you can tell. I'm a groupie. I'm a groupie.

SPEAKER_05 10:23

Now I need to come up with like my groupies' names. I don't have names. So uh back to you, since the podcast is about you. Um when you were in, did the injury happen like in class and you had a pop, or was it like a slow progression of pain?

Sciatica, Misdiagnosis, Then The MRI

SPEAKER_03 10:40

Yeah. So um I knew after a couple of classes that um that I wasn't that my back was not feeling well. And it presented a sciatica. So I actually didn't have back pain, believe it or not. What was happening, it was the the nerve down the leg that was starting to feel, you know, really, really tight. And then at Thanksgiving, I spent four hours in the car, right? It's uh uh that's another theme here is like long rides in the car, long periods of sitting can really exacerbate this. So the day after Thanksgiving, um, I was in a mess of pain. I was in a lot of pain. And I was sure, um, and I'm a researcher, you know, I'm an academic. I I always think that I can figure myself out. I was so sure I had what's called paraformis syndrome, which is a sciatica-like condition. Um, they call it pseudosciatica or fake sciatica. And I was so sure that, okay, I'll go to PT. You know, so I went to my PCP, got the script, um, and you know, some of the the tests, like the straight leg tests, and the, and they were they weren't necessarily conclusive. And so I had it in my mind that like this is a tendon tear in like that peripherous uh muscle, which is like a like really, really deep in the glute. Um, I was so sure that that was what was happening. And so I continued to go for PT, but I was not getting better. And then eventually the pain got so bad that I went for an MRI and they confirmed, okay, this is not a this is not paraforous syndrome, this is actually an extrusion. And then the day after or two days after I had the MRI tripped, and I tripped over a cord in my home. It was a vacuum cord, and I was um in the ambulance on my way to the ER later that day. I I was in pain that I can't, I don't even want to recall it because it was that, it was that intense. It was such a um just a horrific experience um to have that level of nerve pain. And nerve pain, you know, is unlike any other, it's not like muscle pain, it's probably not like bone pain, although I've not broken anything. Um, I've had, you know, two children, I've had kidney stones, I've had a hysterectomy, I've had a thyroidectomy. I've had other traumatic things, physically traumatic things happen in my life, but this pain was like nothing I had ever experienced before. Um, and I remember the ride to the hospital, I was like, please don't hit any bumps in the road. Like, let there not be, you know, anything that's going to cause this, you know, this vehicle to shake because I was just so vulnerable and in so much pain that I couldn't, I couldn't really imagine um, like any further compression or or you know, jarring to to the injury. And did you have any red flag symptoms? So the red flag symptoms would be like um I did have some like I did have numbness, but it wasn't in the groin area where they really worry about, you know, um they the cottaquina syndrome, I think it's called. Um picked up so much vocabulary from this experience, it's crazy. Um so I didn't have that. I didn't have loss of bladder or bowel or bowel control. And I know that that those are the red flag symptoms because I was asked that question like at least 45 times through the experience. Like, are you having loss of X or Y? Um, I I did not have that, but I did have numbness di in different parts of my legs at different times because of the nerve compression for sure. Um, but none of the classic red paint red uh flag symptoms.

The Fall That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_05 14:23

Okay. So how long was it between your injury and your surgery?

SPEAKER_03 14:27

Um almost six months.

SPEAKER_05 14:29

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 14:30

So which I think tracks with your story too. So the yoga class that I went to began in early to mid-October, and my surgical, my surgery date was um April sixth or eighth. Yeah. So it was it was almost six months, but it was the the the it was after I tripped over the vacuum cord that that was where the pain went from, you know, this is this is distressing to this is unmanageable pain. This is pain that, you know, makes you rethink everything, you know. Like I I had I'd said to my my husband at some point, like, I need to escape my body. I cannot stay in my body. And the fact that I could not leave my body was so distressing to me. And I know that that's a very common sentiment, but I I just I needed to get out of this physical space because it was um so hard to be in my body.

SPEAKER_05 15:35

Yeah, yeah. So my injury, I started feeling pain in April, and I assumed it was the piriformis muscle. And I was just doing videos that I found online for piriformis. Uh so that was end of April, and then my big herniation event where it dropped me to the floor was end of June. And I had August, I had surgery in August. August. So only two months uh between them the major pain. But I was, you know, 10 out of 10 pain. I was out of work and unpaid. So I couldn't I couldn't live like that. I couldn't go to work. I was sure, you know, needed the income. So I was like, give me surgery.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

I mean, there get there comes a point where you can't imagine any other path forward. Right. Yeah, yeah.

Waiting For Surgery In Unbearable Pain

SPEAKER_03 16:20

So, you know, when I went for the neurosurgery consult, the initial um visit with the neurosurgeon told me, he said, you just need time. He's like, that's what I would recommend. He was a very conservative surgeon, which I actually liked about him. I valued that he wasn't someone who wanted to cut. You know, they say, you know, surgeons want to cut. Yeah, he was very conservative and said, you know, if you if you give your body time, this most likely likely will resolve. He said, it's going to be a quality of life issue for you. And at that point, when I saw him, I hadn't yet tripped over the vacuum. And so that was the game changer for me. Yeah. Was life became uh just unbearable after that point. Um, and you know, one of the hardest things, you know, because we we uh you and I talked about the emotions of this is something that nobody can really understand. It's so hard to explain the emotions of this. But I, you know, in my coaching work, so much of what I do is help people with their mindset, right? It's the story that they're telling themselves about their situation. And there was nothing that I could do to my to my mindset to make the nerve pain bearable, right? So I had this idea that if I could get into the right headspace, I would be okay. I would be able to manage this. There was none of that happening. I I could not, I couldn't get into a space where this wasn't the so so where this situation wasn't so narrowing, narrowing for me. You know, it was the only thing that I could focus on was the pain. And I remember, you know, Sammy from Australia that you spoke with, and her nighttime routine was identical to mine, right? Which was I used to pace my house at night around the kitchen island, into the bedroom, holding on to the wall for stability and just thinking, you know, like, okay, you know, now it's 12, 12 days till surgery, 11 days, 10 days. And time just moves so, so slowly.

SPEAKER_05 18:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 18:32

Um I had to keep track of my medication. So I had, you know, logs of Tylenol, Gabapentin, you know, when did I take my muscle relaxer? It was just managing that was my full-time job. Like managing my pain management was my full-time job.

SPEAKER_05 18:48

Yeah. Yeah. You said you, you know, when I say now, you know, I heard it in June and I got surgery in August. That sounds so fast, but I remember being in it thinking, this is never gonna go away. I'm gonna be stuck like this forever. And it felt like time had slowed down.

SPEAKER_03 19:11

Right. Like you don't know what you don't know when you're going through it. And so this idea, you know, of will, you know, what what will life be like for me? Will I get my old life back? I, you know, I that weighs very heavy is will I ever be pain-free again? And and you just, you know, you have to hope. You have to, you know, and that was one thing that I I was able to hold on to was hope. This idea that this particular, you know, form of herniation is uh has a very high success rate with surgery. Um but but it's like you said, you know, there's so many unknowns, and so every hour that you're in it feels like eternity.

After Surgery Fear And Nerve Healing

SPEAKER_05 19:55

When do you think it was emotionally harder for you before surgery or after surgery?

SPEAKER_03 20:03

So that's a really good question. Um, as you know, the fear of reherniation is immense. It's immense. And so uh because of thanks to you and your videos, I actually was prepared that the nerve pain does not magically go away once, you know, once you're operated on. And that was really, really helpful. My surgeon did mention that, you know, please understand that your, you know, your nerve is like a garden hose that's been crushed for a really long time. And once you remove that heavy object, then the the hose isn't going to magically resume its shape. Thank you, thank you. And so he said like that nerves have memories, and it may be a while before your feet before you're pain-free. And so expect that, that there can be, you know, sort of um a lot of inflammation, like a like a chemical soup of inflammation that happens after surgery, and also there's a lot of you know, healing activity, and that healing activity is a a process of sort of sending um a lot of your body's immune system to essentially like help scar over, you know, the the site. And so I was really glad I had your that perspective because you focused on that a lot in terms of you know, it took you six months to feel better, and a lot of other visitors on your site I know took you know a long time. Um, at eight weeks, I my pain is down very, very dramatically, but the fear remains. Um last night I heard like a creak in my back, like a like it was it was a creak, and immediately I the color in my Face completely drained, my heart rate, my blood pressure, you know, everything like started to go up. And I recognized like this is my anxiety. This is probably not a reherniation because I was lying in bed on my ice. Because at six to eight weeks, you start to move normally again. You're resuming, you know, your activity. And so I had had a day where I was doing some things that I would have done before my injury, and it was like a lot of movement. So I said, like, all right, I'm gonna sit on my ice pack. And it was like the simplest of movements in bed that I heard that creak. And um it it wasn't a panic, it wasn't a true panic attack, but for me, it was a reminder that the fear of hurting yourself again and learning how to like move your body again is really, really gripping. It's it it really has a very powerful effect.

SPEAKER_05 22:54

Oh, yeah. I I say I think I struggled with PTSD, definitely anxiety and fear. Even I think it took me a year emotionally to recover. You know, every flare would send me into crying, you know, and and just I wish that's something you know my videos could take away, but you know, it's a natural, I think, part of our the injury process. For sure.

Flares, Anxiety, And Rebuilding Trust

SPEAKER_05 23:20

What what helped you? What helped you get over the fear? Um, that's a good question. I think coming to the recognition that uh this is a normal uh uh part of healing and that the recognizing the pattern in the flares. So I would get a pain flare, I would heat, do some ibuprofen and some stretching, and the next morning I would wake up uh pain free. So learning that like, okay, this is probably just a flare. And and just moving on with life, working and going back to my normal activities. Taking my focus off of myself. Because I think when we're when we're in the midst of the injury, we're we're the only people worth talking thinking about. So we're focusing on every you know, scratch or twitch or pain. And so taking the the mind off of ourselves was myself was a huge, huge problem. That's giant.

SPEAKER_03 24:14

That's giant. Yeah, finding a way to channel that energy into other activities um makes a really big difference. Yeah, but when you're going through it, it is so isolating. Yes, it is it's such an isolating experience. And you know, I had people that were calling to check on me, but I wouldn't even want to answer the phone because when I answered the phone, they'd know from my voice that I had been crying or that the pain was so bad that I couldn't, I wasn't capable of a normal conversation.

SPEAKER_05 24:43

Right.

SPEAKER_03 24:44

And it's um it's just so hard, I think, to reconcile that version of yourself. You know, I I used to say, like, my life just got so small. It got so, so small. I was so limited in what I was able to do or plan or enjoy. Um, and you just think like this injury is robbing me of so many aspects of my life. I actually did put my business on hold as well after I tripped over the vacuum because that was the, you know, as I mentioned before, that was the tipping point for me. There was absolutely no way that I could see clients and be okay. You know, it was just it wasn't gonna happen.

SPEAKER_05 25:28

I feel like I suffered with a loss of identity. Like you, I had no major injury, I've never broken a bone, I've had some stitches, um, no major surgeries like this. So this injury was my first big painful event. And I'd always always assumed that I would be stoic during something like that. And it turned out I was a blubbery mess, you know, crying. So I had that image of myself wrong. I loved my job, and now I had to leave my job. My doctor, my boss had to hire temps, you know, so that he couldn't have to cancel patients. Um, and I'm very active in my church. So I I run like I was at that point running young adult programs. So I'm with these young kids, 20-year-olds, and now I'm like, sorry guys, I have to lay on the couch because I was 41 at the time when I yeah, so I just lost everything, yeah. Um in being in pain. And then just the anxiety that came with it, I did not recognize myself at all.

SPEAKER_03 26:31

Yeah, that's so true. And you know, we're not we don't have to be stoic through it. You know, you you you were you had that expectation that you should be or that you could be, but nerve pain it doesn't cut anybody breaks. You know, I don't, I don't, I I mean, I'm sure that there's different intensities of of it. And I, you know, I read a good amount about nerve pain and um how it presents and and really how debilitating, you know, it is. Um, but there's there's no wrong response to that level, to that pain. There's just not. And so expecting that we have a stiff upper lip through it, you know, that wasn't gonna work for me. Um that just that wasn't. And so yeah, I I felt my I felt my emotions, you know, my my kids heard me up, you know, at all hours of the night. And sometimes it was um the pain just got so bad that I was screaming. I mean, I hate that they had to hurt hear me do that.

SPEAKER_05 27:35

Right.

SPEAKER_03 27:36

But there was um it's it's sort of like, you know, our our response to pain is is like um, it's not something that we can control. It's like hunger, you know, for you know, when we haven't eaten, we're hungry, or it's like a biological process. I, you know, I truly believe that. And so I tried to just let myself feel whatever it was that I was gonna feel. And if that was intense pain, then you know, I was gonna let that out, however, you know, however it presented. But yeah, yeah.

Guilt, Isolation, And Lost Identity

SPEAKER_03 28:06

Did you deal with guilt at all? Were you self-oh yeah? Yeah, yeah. Um, I did, you know, I my my family did so much for me during that time. I couldn't do dishes, I couldn't do laundry, although my husband likes laundry, so he's you know, for for the last 25 years that we've been married, he's always been the laundry guy. Um, but I couldn't bend, I couldn't move in ways that, you know, um allowed me to do any amount of housework. Um and you know, it was more that I couldn't be present. No, even if we ate dinner together, I I just wasn't there. And I couldn't sit. So, you know, we couldn't go out to eat, or if we did, I'd have to stand. Um, but you know, at after the the vacuum trip, there was there was really no chance at all that that I could leave the house. And that was the other thing is it was a little bit like COVID 2.0 in the sense that um I didn't drive my car for about two months. It just literally sat in the garage. Um and the only place that I would that I would go would would be to like a pain management clinic or um yeah, because I stopped PT at the point that I had, you know, that tipping event. So like yeah, I mean, guilt about just withdrawing from all aspects of my family and then also uh, you know, um my business that that was really hard to, you know, I had a uh couple of clients that actually chose to wait for me, which I was so, so grateful because they were on hold for about two months. But you you feel like you're not part of, you know, um you're not contributing to society or your household. And and so, you know, going back to your comment about identity, you feel really lost. You feel, you know, just very much, you know, what is my purpose? But for me, the clarity was my purpose is to get through the pain. And I will say there was one benefit, there was there were very there's not a lot of silver linings with this, but I will say, you know, um, I believe never waste your suffering.

Finding Clarity Inside Suffering

SPEAKER_03 30:19

And so the one thing that I will say is that pain like that brings tremendous clarity. And for me, it was being able to see different things that I had struggled with that I thought were just they felt so big, they felt so monumental at the time. And then when you're going through that, you you have like so much focus about what's really important in life that coming out of it, I would say like the dial is just a lot sharper for me as to where I want to put my energy and what's really important and what isn't. And so that is the only, you know, thing that I, or it's the I I guess the pivotal thing that I take away is that pain like that can really help you see yourself and your situations a lot more clearly.

SPEAKER_05 31:09

I can say now that I have seen benefits from the injury, financial benefits. I don't make money off of the podcast, but because of the uh attempts my boss had to hire, mostly men, when I finally was able to come back to work, I learned what the men were making, you know, and then was finally able to, you know, increase my pay. And now I'm an independent contractor and in charge of all my my own rates. And all that is made possible because I was out of work for six months.

SPEAKER_03 31:40

So it helped you with perspective and and helped you advocate for yourself.

SPEAKER_05 31:45

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 31:45

Absolutely. That's awesome. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 31:47

Now, what kind of help have you been doing for your mental health and emotional health?

Gabapentin Withdrawal And Self Advocacy

SPEAKER_03 31:53

Yeah. Um, so one other aspect of all this, which we haven't touched on, is I was put I was put on gabapentin um during um the the month leading up to surgery when the pain was just unbearable. And I'm, as I mentioned before, I'm a researcher. I like to like really look into my treatment protocols and any new meds, but the pain was so intense that I didn't have the capacity to do any of my own research. And so they put me on gabapentin. Um, and I sort of accepted that this was a nerve medication, nerve was where the pain was. They describe it as this turns down the volume a little bit on the nerve, and so it can really help you. Coming off of gabapentin was a really, really difficult experience for me. The tapering was just horrendous. And they don't give you a lot of information when they put you on this that there's a protocol or should be a protocol for getting off of it. Um, and a lot of doctors prescribe it for pain because they can't prescribe opioids. Um, so since the opioid crisis, a lot of doctors have used gabapentin as like the only other thing that they can legally prescribe. And so what happened was at the time that I was healing from my surgery, I was also doing dose cuts of the gabapentin. And what happened was I found myself really, really off balance. Um, it I had difficulty with what they called proprioception, which means sort of like orienting yourself in space. So I would go to grab for something, thinking it was like my coffee cup was right here and it would be still another six to eight inches off. So I really lost a lot of spatial awareness. And then I was also super floaty. And the reason super floaty is dangerous, as you know, is after surgery, the very last thing that you want to do is trip and fall. Fall. Yes. So the coming off of Gabapentin at precisely the time that my body was learning how to move again was so, so horrid. And I wanted to share this because I really think that there needs to be more information and education. I'm doing this almost as a PSA to say you have to know how to advocate for yourself and what it is that your body needs. They wanted me to do um a taper of GABAPentin at a rate that my nervous system just simply could not keep up. Um, it was, I think the recommended was like uh the surgeon wanted me to go down by like 300 milligram increments until I was off. And he wanted me off very, very quickly. Well, what what I learned is that my nervous system was screaming, go slower, go slower, go slower. This is too much of a change. I can't recalibrate this quickly. And so it literally was telling me, like, you have to, you have to treat my me differently. You have to treat me, my body, like my body was saying, you need to treat me differently. And so I did a ton of research, even ordered like the DSM for like psychiatric medications and did some research. And it turns out that the rate in which I was tapering would have been fine if I was on this for like a week or two. But my body had learned physical dependence on the drug. And so I had to advocate for a longer taper schedule. It took me actually close to a full seven weeks to get off of a drug that I was only on at full dose for four weeks. But by four weeks or going into my surgery, my body was very dependent on gabapentin for to control my central nervous system. And so I share that only because um it's a really important reminder to each of us that the protocol that a doctor has can't apply unilaterally to everybody that takes that drug. And so it's so important to know yourself and to know when to speak up for yourself to say, this isn't working for me. I I feel like I'm going to fall or I feel like I'm not steady on my feet. And, you know, at a time where your body's already so vulnerable, it's really, really important just to speak up.

SPEAKER_05 36:08

I was never given gabapentin or any medication like that, but I have heard other things, people with memory issues. I think Sammy might have mentioned that actually. Um, some memory issues with it. So I'm thankful. And initially I was like, why wouldn't he give me a nerve med? But no, I'm thankful I didn't get on it. Yeah, yeah.

Stop Comparing Recoveries And Doomscrolling

SPEAKER_03 36:28

So to answer your question about, you know, emotional supports, um uh because of my coaching work, what what's happened is I've made myself my own client and I've done a lot of a lot of work on, you know, um managing my own expectations for my recovery. That's been really, really important. Like not imposing anything on me, on myself, such as, you know, at eight weeks you should be here. Or the other thing is stop, we gotta stop comparing our recovery to everyone else's recovery. That is so not helpful. Every single person that is going through this is dealing with, you know, a different baseline and a different threshold for a lot of different things. Our bodies, you know, recover at different rates and different speeds. Initially, you know, um, or the or the initial injury may be a lot different as well. And so comparing my recovery to your recovery, to Sammy's recovery is just not all that helpful. And there's one thing that I do want to say about that, um, which is why your channel was helpful. I was taking a knife to my brain on the Reddit forums. I uh there's there's value to them for sure, and I'm grateful that they were there. But you read about everybody else's herniation, and then, you know, again, that's like it that it literally is like damaging your your brain tissue because what happens is you get so convinced that oh, well, this person, you know, did laundry and reherniated, this person sneezed and reherniated, right? This person, you know, was lying in bed and reherniated, it's just not helpful. Right. And so I think like knowing what to consume and when to consume is super, super important.

SPEAKER_05 38:10

Yes. Especially in the Reddit community and the Facebook community, you know, the reherniation stat I think is like between between 10 and 20 percent of surgeries reherniate. But people who recover well usually just move on with life and you're left with people that have reharniated it. So it looks like the reharniation stories are well, way disproportionate. Yeah, yes, yeah. So it definitely can have a negative impact on the healing and a thought process when you're focused too much on the forums.

SPEAKER_03 38:43

For sure. I think they call it adverse selection, something like that. So um everyone that's going to Reddit, you know, is usually going because they're in pain or they have been in pain. And so you do get a skewing and it looks really disproportionate. And you know, if if that was your only source of information, you would probably assume that everybody's rehernated, right? Which, you know, it's that's different than 10, 10 to 20 percent. Exactly. Yeah.

What Recovery Teaches About Your Body

SPEAKER_03 39:10

So is there something that you think you've learned about yourself through this process? So much so. Um, and that is one thing that I am I'm truly grateful for. Um one is that bodies can heal, you know, and I'm very grateful that mine is beginning to heal so that I can get, you know, my joy back. And um sorry. It just got really, really dark for a while. I just wasn't sure. I wasn't sure that I would have joy back in my life. And so um, I'm very I'm very grateful that my body knew what to do and how to heal. And also I'm very grateful to my surgeon um who took really good care of me in terms of the mechanical part of it. Um I'm resilient. And also I think this idea that I could think my way out of this, right? Like a lot of research and you know, going to my comfort zone, which is you know, using um intellect to figure things out, like being able to solve this. This wasn't a math problem.

SPEAKER_05 40:27

Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:28

And I had to realize that this this wasn't, you know, something that I could solve. Um, and I I don't think that that waiting was going to be possible. The level of pain that I was in, is it possible that I could have healed on my own without surgery? Probably. But I couldn't wait, you know, from the date that I decided to get the surgery to the date they were actually able to get me in, was only about a month, right? For and and every single day of that month was just excruciating. So um I I am so grateful that modern medicine knows how to treat this. I feel like really, really lucky that I had good surgical care in my area. And um, and I think I have to recognize that you can't research your way out of a my uh out of a disc extrusion. You just you just can't. There's you know, there's there's um nothing online that's going to magically heal heal you. And so the only way through is through. Um, and I had to, yeah, I had to go through it. And I also know and one of your other, I think it was uh it wasn't Mary, I think it was maybe Sammy or I I don't remember who it was. Somebody talked about you learn a lot more about your body's mechanics, and that I think is absolutely true. Like even today, I um I was loading the dishwasher and it like I'm very, very aware of like bending at the knees or using a golfer's reach if I drop something. And sometimes if I drop something, it's like the hell with it, I'm leaving it there, right? It's just it's not worth it. Yeah. Um, so being really aware of your body and how to hold it in a way where you can hopefully like maximize your chances of um staying healthy or not reherniating, um, that that's been really valuable. That's been really valuable.

PT, Coaching Help, And Sharing Stories

SPEAKER_03 42:29

And my surgeon actually was not a proponent of PT. Um, and I really pushed the issue on that. And he actually sort of scowled as he wrote the wrote PT. I uh literally, he was like scowling as he wrote the script. And I decided to wait until now to actually call the um to to call the the physical therapy office to book because I wanted to feel like I was far enough along that if they asked me to lift something or if there was gonna be like weights or resistance bands, I didn't want to be so freaked out about that movement. So today at eight weeks, um, it was actually Friday that I um that I that I called to make the appointment. So I will be starting PT in a week from now.

SPEAKER_05 43:15

My physical therapist was a godsend as far as emotionally getting me past the fear of moving again. Awesome, awesome. And at one point there was a stretch, like a deep nerve loss, and I heard a pop. And people will mention that on the Reddit's hearing a pop, and the pain came back. Um, but it went away. And he was he was able to walk me through that was scar tissue that we're working through. Sure. You know, yeah. Um, he would see, I would come in and he would see the look on my face and know that I was in the midst of some anxiety and would without me realizing what he was doing, he would just lay me down and take me through some breathing exercises. And I can look back now and say, okay, he was just calming my heart and my mind before physical therapy. Yeah, so I know. Um, sorry about that. I know not all doctors prescribe physical therapy, but I just for the emotional resource, I I feel I think they're huge, a huge help.

SPEAKER_03 44:14

Okay, that's great. I'm excited to to go back. Yeah.

SPEAKER_05 44:17

Tiffany, I do have to ask you for your coaching business, is that just for other Massachusetts uh residents or is that no, I I work, um, I work from home um and I see most of my clients via Zoom.

SPEAKER_03 44:29

So I basically serve you know uh the entire country plus Canada. Um, and it's work that I love. So if if there's anyone out there that's going through a transition um and wants you know a thinking partner in the process, it's a very scary thing to change our profession. It brings up a lot of fear and insecurity. Um, and it's deeply, it's a deep honor for me to do this work. So what's your website? Yeah, what's your website? So it's greencareercoach.com and my last name is green like the color with an extra E at the end. Okay. Great.

SPEAKER_05 45:00

Tiffany, you had you have said so many profound things and your emotional vulnerability with us, I think, is gonna be a huge help because so many people feel isolated and we punish ourselves for feeling these dark emotions in such a stressful time. And I think hearing your story is just gonna be a bomb to people's souls. Thank you so much. Thank you for reaching out and asking to be on the podcast. I'm so glad it was helpful to you, and now you're gonna be a help to others. Thank you. If you are a listener and you have a positive story of recovery from a serious back or neck injury, head over to bedbackbeyond.com and click share your story. I would love to include your voice on the show, just like Tiffany. Tiffany, once again, thank you.

unknown 45:48

Thank you.