What's up guys? Welcome to this week's edition of the Backseat Driver podcast. We are, not we this week, but I am hoping to bring you a few minutes of enjoyable content and kind of give you some updates on what's been going on in our lives and why we haven't had an episode out for a couple weeks. So first and foremost just want to preface this by saying that if you hate this solo episode Please let us know and we will never do it again. But it's something that I have enjoyed on other shows in the past and something that I Thought I would give a try on our show just because there Is a lot of fun. I think with these solo episodes. I heard someone talking recently that these solo episodes are kind of like They're kind of like a personal interaction with your audience and so I thought I would take this time to kind of go over some things that I've been on my mind lately kind of give you guys some life updates and just a little bit more insight into What goes on? You know in my mind as we think about the show Goals for this show just different things that I would love to see going forward So we'll do that for a few minutes have a short little episode this week and get back to our regularly scheduled Programming next week. So without any further ado thought I'd lead into this episode with a very exciting announcement, which is that our Little baby girl came into the world on February 9th There were no complications she's doing great mom's doing great and we have just been at home trying to get used to having two kids For the last week in addition to that Chris has also been very busy with work and been out of town the last two weekends at tennis tournaments so it kind of just all lined up perfectly with the birth of Nora Kate and Chris's work schedule that there really just wasn't any reasonable time for us to record. And so, you know, we figured let's put a little pause on it for a week or two and, um, you know, get back to it when our schedules make more sense. So, you know, that's what we ultimately decided to do. And, um, you know, it's something that I realized how much I've enjoyed recording this podcast and getting to edit it and getting to do kind of the little things that come along with it. So. I'm excited to give this format of episode a try and, and then hopefully get Chris back in the fold this, this coming week. So, a couple things that have been on my mind recently that I just wanted to touch on for a couple of minutes. The first one being the recent death of Kelvin Kemptom, the world record holder in the marathon. Um, and really someone that most people are looking at his career, he was only 23 or 24. And most people were looking at his career and thinking, extrapolating out kind of his path, what he would ultimately do. They thought it was almost a certainty that he would break two hours in a legitimate marathon. Um, not a time trial type race like Kipchoge did when he broke two, which was awesome. But most people were speculating that he was going to break that in a true certified race with other people. So that tragic sudden news of his death I think really rocked a lot of people in the running community and I saw Something from someone I really respect and really like reading his writing and that's Peter Bromka. He's on the relay Podcast if you've never checked it out But he was talking about this idea that a lot of times what makes loss so hard is not So much the loss itself, which is hard, but it's the loss of the expectations for the future. So You know, he was using an example about his mother and expectations he had about interactions they would have in the future, places they'd go or things they would do. And he kind of gave that analogy for what the running world was kind of expecting from Kiptom's career. And, and I thought that was just so profound that I've really been meditating on it the last week or two, just thinking about like, what is it about how we as humans create expectations almost constantly? So You know, when I go play with Luke outside, I have expectations for how efficient it's going to be. I have expectations for one year from now, what he's going to be doing. I have expectations for when he's 10, what we're going to be doing. For when he's 15, you know, are we going to be running together, playing sports together? Are we going to be, you know, going on trips together? Are we going to be doing all of these things? And you have all of these different things that kind of get built up in your mind. And, and I, I think that point really resonated with me because it's so much the opposite. Of what I think helps me the most to really enjoy my life, which is being in the present. So there's this, this constant tension, I feel like between expectations and just thinking about the future, creating ideas of what the future could be. And then this living in the present, not creating expectations, not creating a vision of what the future is going to look like. And, and in that way, you, you get to enjoy what is. Rather than what might be, and that was something that Peter Bromka said in his post about the death of Kelvin Kipton is He essentially was saying that a lot of people after he ran two hours and 35 seconds in Chicago this past year were Thinking more about what he would do next rather than enjoying the amazing accomplishment he had just done and and I think for me that that really struck a chord because how often do I run a race or how often do I do something at work or graduate med school or graduate residency or get married or have our first kid or have our second kid and you find yourself looking ahead to Oh when they're walking we'll do this when they're running we'll do this when they're You know doing x activity we'll do this when they're able to travel here You know, we'll enjoy this as a family and it just really hit me when I was reading that and just having uh, nora kate having been born like man, I really want to fight against that that tension and that Uh, just natural kind of, current of life that always has us looking to the next thing rather than really enjoying the present. And so that's really been one thing that's been on my mind over and over again this past, past week. And that kind of ties into something that Chris, Chris and I are going to touch on together in our next podcast, which is Michael Gervais new book, uh, finding mastery, the, how to get rid of the fear of other people. But I was listening to Michael Gervais on Rich Rolls podcast a couple of weeks ago, and. He tied in this concept that for me kind of has become one idea and he was talking about after every Interaction with someone where it's like a legitimate interaction when he's leaving the room he basically acknowledges the fragility of relationships by saying, you know, that was a good interaction and You know that may be the last time I see them basically acknowledging like there's no guarantee that this interaction is gonna happen again, I'm gonna see this person again and I just found that to be so powerful, like he, he, he just kind of called it the fragility of relationship and acknowledging that fragility of life and, you know, I'd been doing that the last couple of weeks with patients and with Shelby and Luca when I leave in the morning, just kind of stepping out the door, taking a deep breath, acknowledging that moment, acknowledging like, okay, I'm going to be in the present for this one moment. Like, really, remember what just happened, be thankful for it, and then move on and be fully present for the next interaction. And, so when we got the news of Kelvin Kipton's death, along with reading Peter Bromka's thoughts, I think those two things for me seem to be a theme that are just coming up over and over again of being present, not creating future expectations, but really enjoying things as they are in that moment. So, those are kind of a couple things that have been on my mind on just a personal front. Obviously the birth of our daughter has been amazing. She is kind of the complete antithesis of Luca, meaning she is quiet. She is good at feeding. She sleeps well, and she is actually able to sit still. So all of those things, she basically is the complete opposite in every way of Luca as a newborn. Luca barely slept as a newborn. He was awake all the time. Newborns are supposed to sleep all the time. Luca was literally awake. So many hours of the day. He would feed a little bit, it would take him forever to feed, and then he'd be awake for another hour crying, trying to move, staring you in the eyes. Nora, meanwhile, she barely opens her eyes. She just feeds, chills out, sleeps, lays in your arms for hours. And so, it's been pretty interesting just to see from birth how different our two kids are. So, that's been another thing, and just being really thankful for how everything went in the hospital with the birth, how everything's gone since. Just the support we have from our friends, our family, um, and just being really thankful for all that stuff. So that's kind of the second thing. And then the third thing is just thinking about being a dad to two kids. And then also the relationship to my running in that, and this is something we'll touch on in our next, uh, Boston build podcast, but I thought this would be a good time to touch on this as well. But just this idea that as I'm pouring more energy and more time into. Pursuits outside of running. I, and you're making a lot of decisions every day. You're making a lot of, uh, sacrifices for different things. I find it harder and harder to go to the well in my running. And I, and I heard Dylan Bowman talking about this on the free trail podcast the other day with, um, who is he talking to? I think, uh, Justin Grunewald maybe, but Dylan was basically talking about since he's become a dad, like how much harder. It is for him to, um, basically go to the well, empty himself out and his running because he feels like he's doing that in his business. He feels like he's doing that in his family and that also really resonated with me. I, I was texting rich the other day that I'm doing all the other workouts. Great. My easy long runs are great. My track is great. My, you know, easy runs are great. I'm getting the mileage in, but when it comes to those big marathon workouts. I'm really struggling to get mentally to that place where I want to hurt. And, and I think that's just a result, kind of, of using up that reserve of willpower. And I think the more kids you have, the younger they are, the more decisions you're making in life, things that are going on, whether you're starting a business, like, or building a business, like Dylan is over at Freetrail. Like, you only have so much willpower. In running and really pushing yourself takes a lot of willpower. And so I've also just kind of been spinning that around in my mind as I struggle to hit these kind of key marathon workouts. What does it look like to create a schedule where I can do that in a way that I'm prepared for the race? But also, what does it look like to have grace and mercy towards myself when I don't do that? Because I think. One of the things I struggle with the most is kind of self, um, I think self hatred is probably a little bit strong, but kind of that holding yourself to the highest possible standard and when you're not meeting it, kind of having this frustration with yourself, kind of having this, um, inner dialogue that is not super positive and really wrestling with that for me, what that looks like to actually give myself grace in those moments and to say, you know, some days, I'm going to go out and all I'm going to have is 30 minutes of easy running when I had a marathon paced workout schedule. And that's what happened this past weekend. And in the past, I think that would have caused me to be so frustrated. I would have been angry all day. I would have just been irritated that that's what was scheduled and I wasn't able to do it. And so I think part of this process of going through this season of life is learning how to have, you know, forgiveness for myself. Learning how to have compassion and So I think that's been another big thing in my running I've been learning is you just give your best each day that you have. And for me sometimes that's 30 minutes of easy running when I'm supposed to go run 20 miles and I have to be okay with that. And, and so I think that's been a really big thing for me in my running as well. It's learning to accept that and learning to accept that running is just one aspect of my life. And there are so many other things that are awesome and I get to enjoy. And so I don't want to be bogged down. I don't want to have this. Obsession with running that takes away from those other things by again, going back to the first point, not being able to be present because I'm still thinking about how all I had that day was 30 easy minutes of running. So that's, that is probably the last thing. And what I wanted to tie in with that is some Some aspects of Peter Ortega's new book and he also talks about this on his podcast a few times from his book Outlive But at the very end he talks about emotional health and I just thought this was so Powerful, but he was essentially Struggling with the same thing I am but in a much more severe way, but just of having that internal dialogue That's so negative. That is so hateful. That is so Perfectionistic that you do one thing wrong. Your inner talk is so negative. Your inner talk is so destructive and and He was having that times a million and it was getting to the point where everything he did, if it wasn't perfect, he was really beating himself up in a really negative way. It was affecting his family. It was trickling down to all areas of his life. And he said two things that really stuck out to me. One was he was talking about how he's talking with his therapist or a therapist and they're like, why are you so obsessed with longevity if you're not even enjoying your life? And I think that that was a question that. really stuck out to me. And the second thing he talked about is how his therapist started having him do these videos every day, where anytime he had that urge to kind of beat himself up, he would record a video of himself talking and the video was him talking like he was counseling a friend in the situation he was in. And so, I I just found that idea to be so powerful. Like, he would talk about how he missed, he loves archery, so he would miss You know, a shot in our tree and before he would have exploded, maybe broken an arrow, just like gone off the rails and, and instead he would sit down and record a couple of minutes of a video of him talking to a friend like they had just missed the shot. And he said it was so powerful. And so I started to do that. And you realize how much compassion you have for other people when you're giving them counsel, when you're someone that really struggles with the inner dialogue of, of wanting to be perfect. Uh, holding yourself to such a high standard. And, and so that's been something that's been really powerful and helpful for me as well as talking to myself, like I'm talking to someone else. And I think going back to that running example I just gave, like, I would never beat someone up for having a two year old and lacking the will to push themselves harder, having a newborn and a two year old, and, you know, just only having enough energy to go out and get some kind of exercise today. Like that would be something you'd encourage someone to be like, that's awesome that you're even able to do that. And so I think that outlook and that perspective has just been so helpful for me, and um, yeah, so I'm just really thankful for those people, their outlooks on those things, and those are just a couple of things that have been coming up in my life and that I've been thinking about here in the first couple weeks of Noor's life, so I hope that these few minutes kind of filled you in on why we haven't I've been recording, but also just give you guys a little bit of something to, uh, chew on over this next week until our next episode comes out. So hope you guys enjoyed, hope you guys are having a great week and we will see you guys soon.