Serve First, Sell Later Marketing

#82 The New Networking (Without the Ick) That Actually Grows Your Practice

• Sylvia Garibaldi • Season 1 • Episode 81

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Hate networking?  You’re not alone – and you’re not doing it wrong. In episode 82 of the Serve First,  Sell Later Marketing podcast, Sylvia Garibaldi flips the script on everything you think you know about building a referral network.  Discover how to grow your practice by investing in real relationships (no pitching, no pressure), combining online and in-person touchpoints, and using small, intentional actions that actually lead to results. If you’re a lawyer, mediator, or divorce professional tired of awkward coffee chats and cold messages… this one’s for you.

Inside this episode, you’ll learn:

  • 01:01 The Networking Dilemma
  • 02:19 Flipping the Script on Networking
  • 03:47 The Power of Giving First
  • 06:00 Building Real Relationships
  • 07:31 Reframing Networking
  • 14:43 Activating Your Existing Network
  • 22:21 Actionable Tips for Relationship Building

 Resources:


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00:04 - Sylvia (Host)
Hello everyone, and welcome back to episode 82 of the Serve First, sell Later marketing podcast. I'm your host, sylvia Garibaldi. 

01:10
So, whether you're a lawyer, a mediator or a divorce professional, today's episode is for you, and I'm just going to say it. We have to talk about networking, because a lot of professionals I work with feel that networking is one of those words that brings up a whole lot of resistance, and you hear it and you immediately think of forced conversations, awkward mixers or sending those cold messages that feel, well, I guess, kind of fake. And honestly, I get it because the way networking is usually taught or talked about it does feel a little bit transactional, like you're supposed to show up with a stack of business cards and your elevator pitch hoping someone will throw a referral your way. But I really do believe that that version of networking, it's outdated and, more importantly, it doesn't really work anymore. So if you've ever felt like networking was a chore or like you were doing it wrong or like everyone else somehow knows how to build relationships and get referrals while you're just over here spinning your wheels, then I want to lean in on this one for you, because I too felt the same way about networking. So today's episode is about flipping the script on all of that. We're not going to talk about networking as a box to check that. We're not going to talk about networking as a box to check. Instead, we're going to talk about something more powerful and, honestly, more human, and that's all about investing in relationships. 

02:35
And I think this simple shift changes everything, especially if you're building a practice in a high-trust, high-emotional field like family law, divorce mediation, workplace mediation. So here's the big idea that I want you to take with you today it's not just about who you know, it's about who they know, and that means every time you connect with someone, even if they're not your ideal client, they may know someone who is. So here's the real magic when you lead with generosity, when you give before you ask and when you show up. And when you show up not trying to get something but simply to help, what you're doing is you're activating that extended network. You start showing up in rooms and inboxes that you didn't even know existed, and that's when the referrals start to flow. And so that's what we're going to be digging into today. I'm going to share real strategies that we know work and that feel natural and not salesy, and I'm going to walk you through some mindset shifts as well that can turn casual contacts into long-term referral partners. Sound good, let's jump in, All right? 

03:48
So let's dive into the first big idea that I want to share with you today, and that is the power of giving first. Now, I know that that might sound a little vague, or maybe even idealistic, but stay with me, because this one is one of the most effective and time-tested strategies to build real relationships that actually lead to referrals, opportunities and, of course, growth. So here's what I mean by giving first. When you reach out to someone in your network whether it's a colleague, a potential referral partner or someone that you met at a workshop always lead with value first. So that could be something as simple as sharing a helpful article or a free resource that you think they'd enjoy, offering an introduction to someone in your circle, or even just reaching out to say hey, I saw that you posted this and I really appreciated your insight. So when you're showing up in a way that says I see you, I respect what you do and I'm here to support you, guess what that really leaves an impression. 

04:55
And there's actually some really interesting psychology behind this. So you might have heard of something called the Ben Franklin effect, and it's based on this idea that when you ask someone for a small favor or offer a favor yourself, it actually builds connection. So our brains want to believe that we like the people that we help, so we start to feel more invested in that relationship. Okay, I hope that's making sense. And another principle is something that you've probably felt yourself, and that's the norm of reciprocity. It's that natural human instinct to want to return the favor when someone helps us out, and not because we're keeping score, but because that's how trust and collaboration get built. So when you give first without expecting something in return, you position yourself as someone who's generous, trustworthy and genuinely helpful, and that makes people want to help you back, whether it's through referrals, opportunities or introductions. Now let's bring it into your world, because if you're working in fields like divorce, family law, conflict resolution, you know that trust is everything, and so you're dealing with people in highly emotional, often vulnerable moments of their lives. And so the same goes for the professionals that you're collaborating with. That you're collaborating with. So therapists, maybe, financial professionals, other lawyers, hr experts they want to refer their clients to someone who leads with empathy and not ego. So when you take that first step, when you give before you ask, you're planting seeds, and those seeds can grow into relationships and eventually into referrals. And this, folks, is a very simple shift, but it's a very powerful one. 

06:53
Okay, let's talk about the elephant in the room, and that's the word networking. So just saying it out loud probably makes a few of you cringe, and I understand that, and you know what. You're really not alone in that feeling, because I myself felt the same way, and so do a lot of other professionals, and in fact most of the professionals I work with, especially in law, mediation and divorce. They really dislike the word networking because it feels awkward, right, it feels pushy and for a lot of people it can feel completely unnatural. So here's my take on this we need to stop calling it networking, because when we hear that word, we picture forced conversations at some event, trying to remember people's names while juggling a plate of appetizers and figuring out how to talk about what we do without sounding like we're selling something. So no wonder so many professionals avoid it altogether. 

07:54
But what if we reframed it? Instead of calling it networking, try calling it what it actually is investing in relationships or building your support circle. Right, think about that, because that's really what you're doing. You're not trying to collect business cards. You're trying to build mutual, trust-based relationships with people who care about the same things you do and who may be able to support your network just like you can support others may be able to support your network just like you can support others. 

08:29
Now I want to pause here and name something I hear all the time, because maybe you've actually said it to yourself. Maybe you've said to yourself I'm just not good at networking, I don't know the right people, I'm too busy for all of that. And if that's ever popped into your head, I want to reframe it for you. First of all, nobody is born knowing how to build a referral network. Let's put this out there. It's not some secret skill that only extroverts have. 

08:57
What most successful professionals do is this they lead with service first. They lead with service first. They lead with service first. So they listen more than they talk and they consistently show up, not just when they need something right. So if you've felt like I don't know the right people, that's okay, because you don't need a massive list of connections. A massive list of connections. You need a real circle of people who trust you and believe in what you do, because they know other people who can help you. So if you've ever felt too busy, here's the good news this doesn't have to take hours in a day, okay. 

09:39
Building relationships happen in small moments and it's that one email that you send to check in on a colleague it's a comment or on someone's post that sparks a conversation. It's offering to connect to people that you think could benefit from knowing each other, and so all of these things count, and it's probably more effective than any traditional networking event that you've ever attended. So here's the mindset shift Don't network to get, invest in people to give first, and when you approach it that way, it's not awkward anymore. Right, it's just about being human, and that's exactly what will make you memorable. By the way, if you're finding this episode valuable, I've covered related topics in past episodes that can really help deepen your understanding, so be sure to check out those episodes and I'll drop the links in the show notes so you can easily find them. Okay, let's keep going here, because this next part is a big one. If you really want to build relationships that lead to referrals, collaboration and long-term support, there's something you need to understand Real relationships require relationships, realness, and I get it. 

11:03
Especially in professional fields like law, mediation or divorce, you're often trained to keep things polished, buttoned up and professional. There's this pressure to sound like you've got it all figured out all the time, but what I believe is that's not what builds trust. People refer to people they know like and trust, not just the ones who have the fanciest website or the most credentials. So what does that mean for you? And I think it means letting people see a little bit of the real you. It means showing up in a way that's not about proving how smart you are, but just about being relatable, honest and human and listen. You don't have to overshare. 

11:51
Okay, this isn't about airing out your personal life, but it is about letting people in enough that they feel connected to you, not just your title. So, for example, have you ever had a conversation with a colleague where you shared something that didn't go perfectly, maybe a case that taught you a lesson, or a time that you handled something differently because of the emotional weight involved? And so I think that kind of openness goes a long way. It says I've been there and I get it, and it creates a level of safety and authenticity that people remember, plain and simple. So you can also practice realness by asking better questions, not just what do you do or what's your business, but questions like what's been the most surprising part of your work lately, or is there anything you're working on that you're really excited about or maybe nervous about? Or what kind of clients or cases are you feeling drawn to right now, and so these are the kinds of questions that get people to open up, and once someone opens up to you, even just a little, they're far more likely to remember you, to trust you and, obviously, to refer to you eventually down the road. So I'll also say this If you've ever felt like you had to perform in your professional conversations, that can feel pretty exhausting. 

13:22
So trying to sound impressive all the time or always having the perfect script, in my opinion it's just not sustainable and it doesn't leave much room for connection. But when you're just being yourself, when you can say, hey, this has been a tough session, or I'm figuring some things out in my business too, you're no longer trying to impress, you're actually inviting trust, and in a field like yours, where clients are coming to you in vulnerable emotional or even chaotic situations, I think that kind of trust is really priceless. So here's the takeaway for this part of the conversation the more real you are, the more referable you become, because it's not about saying all the right things. It's about showing up with sincerity, curiosity and the willingness to connect beyond surface level, and honestly, I think that's what people are craving, especially in a world where so much feels curated, filtered and overly polished so real actually helps you stand out All right. So by now you've probably caught on to the theme. This isn't about chasing strangers or pitching yourself to every new contact that pops up. In fact, one of the most overlooked strategies in building a practice through relationships is this your existing network is a goldmine. Seriously, most of us are sitting on way more opportunity than we realize. We're so focused on meeting new people, going to the next event or growing your audience that we completely overlook the connections that we already have. 

15:08
Okay, so let me give you an example. Let's say you've worked with a handful of clients in the last year who had a great experience. Or maybe you've collaborated with a few professionals like therapists, financial planners, other lawyers, who have respected how you have showed up. So my question to you is this have you followed up with them recently? Have you asked them how their work is going or what kind of clients they're seeing these days? Have you said, hey, I've got a few openings coming up? If you know anyone who'd be a good fit, feel free to send them my way. 

15:43
Chances are the answer might be no good fit. Feel free to send them my way. Chances are the answer might be no because, again, we often think of referrals and networking as something you do with new people. But here's the reality it's the people who already know you, who've seen your work, who have actually experienced your support or built some kind of trust with you. They're the easiest ones to re-engage because they're warm, they're familiar and, most importantly, they might already want to help you. They just haven't been reminded. 

16:17
So here are a couple of simple ways to activate that gold mine that you're already sitting on. So one is you can send a check-in email to a past client or a collaborative referral partner or a colleague. Doesn't have to be long, just a quick note that says hey, I was thinking of you and wanted to see how things are going on your end. Or you can just ask a simple question at the end of a meeting, such as is there anyone else you think I should be speaking with? Or you can try the one of hey, I've got room to take on some new clients. If you know anyone who's going through this or they may know someone else that might need what I do I'd really appreciate a warm introduction. That's it. No pitch, no pressure, just a gentle reminder that you're still here and that you're someone worth recommending. 

17:11
And here's something I often say because it's so true you need to build your network before you need it. If you wait until business is slow to start reaching out, it can feel pretty reactive. Reaching out, it can feel pretty reactive. But when you consistently nurture those relationships, even when things are going well, what you're doing is you're creating momentum that carries you through the slower seasons, and I talk about that a lot when I talk about marketing through the slower seasons and how important it is to plant the seeds now today. So this is really what smart, steady relationship marketing looks like. It's not flashing. It's not about big viral moments. It's about being top of mind in a low pressure, high integrity kind of way. Okay, and the people already in your world. I really do believe they're often the fastest path to your next opportunity. Okay, let's talk about something that's become a game changer, especially for busy professionals like you and me. 

18:16
The most effective relationship building doesn't happen just online or just in person. It happens when you combine both. So what do I mean by this? Well, I work with so many lawyers, mediators and divorce professionals who tell me consistently I don't have time to be everywhere, and I don't really enjoy networking, and I get it because your calendar is already full with clients, deadlines, court dates, sessions, all those sorts of things, and the idea here is going to weekly meetings and being active online can sound exhausting. But I think here's the good news you don't have to do it all, you just need to do a little bit of both strategically. So let me break this down. 

19:02
In-person connection I really believe it builds depth right. When you meet someone face-to-face whether it's a conference, you know, maybe at a bar association event, even a coffee you build real trust faster because people remember how you made them feel. But here's the problem In-person is limited by your geography and your schedule, so you can't meet 20 people every week face-to-face. It's just not realistic. You can meet a couple of people every week, absolutely. But what about the online connection? Well, I think the online connection. It builds reach and momentum. So we know that platforms like LinkedIn allows you to stay top of mind with dozens or hundreds or thousands of people. By simply showing up in your feed, you can share insights, comment on their updates or even just send a thoughtful message, and it keeps the relationship warm without taking much time. So what's the sweet spot? And I think it's all about combining the two. 

20:07
So here's how it could look in real life. Let's take an example. You meet someone at a professional event. You connect with them on LinkedIn. Now you're not just a one-time face. They start seeing your posts, learning about your work and building familiarity with you over time. Here's another example you comment regularly on a colleague's post, then you invite them for a quick Zoom or a coffee chat, and that little extra step moves the connection from internet acquaintance to real life relationship. Follow up with a message saying hey, I appreciated your comment during the session, would love to hear more about your work. 

20:51
These tiny actions, they don't take a lot of time, but they can make a huge difference, and here's why it works. Familiarity leads to trust. Trust leads to referrals. So when people see your name regularly online or in person, they start to remember you. And when you've had even one real conversation, suddenly you're not just a profile anymore, right, you're a professional that they know. So this combo approach really gives you flexibility. That's why I love it so much. You know, some weeks you might not be able to get out to in-person events, but you can still show up online. Other times, a great coffee, chat or workshop can give you three new people to follow up with online and keep that relationship going. 

21:41
So if you're asking, how do I make time for relationship building without burning out, I really believe this is it. So use in-person to deepen trust and then use online to stay visible and consistent. I hope this is making sense, because you don't need to do this perfectly. You just need to be present both in real life and in online situations as well. All right, so we've covered a lot. I've talked about giving first shifting your mindset, being more real, activating your existing network and combining online and in-person for maximum impact, but now I want to bring it home with some simple, doable tips that I think you can actually start using this week, because theory is great, as you know, but if you're anything like me, you want to know, okay, how do I put this into action? And if you've been following our podcast, you know I always like to add action items into each episode. 

22:42
So let's start with a quick language shift. If the word networking makes your skin crawl, here's what I want you to do Stop calling it networking. Call it instead your support circle, investing in relationships, creating connection points. That might seem like a small tweak, but it changes the energy completely, because you're not out there hunting for leads, you're showing up to build something real. Okay. 

23:14
So, tip number one do a support circle check-in. Make a list of five people in your existing network maybe clients, colleagues, past collaborators, people you already know and ask yourself when was the last time I checked in with them? Have I ever asked who they know that I should be speaking with? So take 15 minutes and send a couple of short emails or messages just to check in. That's it, no pitch. And try something like hey, John, I've been thinking about our work together and wanted to see how things are going on your end. If there's anyone you think I should be connecting with, I'd love your guidance. You know you're gonna actually be surprised at how often that could lead to a referral or, at the very least, a deeper conversation. 

24:03
Okay, tip number two is set a weekly rhythm, because relationship building doesn't have to take over your calendar. So start with this goal three relationship touch points per week. That's it. And what does that look like? It could be commenting on someone's LinkedIn post, sending a thinking of you message, following up from a webinar, making an introduction between two people. These aren't really big tasks, right? They're small human moments, but I can promise you, over time they will create massive momentum. 

24:40
Okay, tip number three is use simple conversation starters. So if you're not sure where to start, here are a few go-to phrases that you can use to start or actually continue a conversation, naturally, so you can say something like I really enjoyed your take on X topic, would love to hear more about your work, or is there anyone you think I should be speaking with right now? Or I have a bit of capacity opening up. If there's anyone in your circle who needs support, I'm always happy to chat. So, once again, it's no pressure, no hard sell, just invitations to connect. And here's one that I really love for reconnecting with past clients or warm contacts. You can say something like hey, I just wanted to say how much I appreciated working with you. If there's anyone in your world who could use what I do, I'd be honored to help, and I think that one line can spark a referral chain that lasts for years. 

25:47
So the last tip here is always give before you ask. And I think this one ties everything together Before you ask for an intro or mention your services, always ask yourself what can I offer that would be valuable to this person? That could be sharing a relevant resource, maybe introducing them to someone in your network, offering to brainstorm or problem solve around a challenge that they mentioned recently, or problem solve around a challenge that they mentioned recently. So when you lead with generosity without expecting anything back, you create goodwill and that always comes back around, even if it's not right away. So here's your action plan Shift your language, make a short list of people to re-engage, reach out with no agenda, just check in, support or reconnect, and please keep it up week after week, because that's how relationships are built. 

26:42
So this isn't about doing more. It's about doing the right things consistently in a way that feels good and not fake. Okay. So it's really important to look at networking through a completely different lens, not as something awkward or transactional, but as something meaningful, intentional and, most of all, doable. Thanks so much for joining me today. If this episode resonated with you, please send it to a colleague who could use a fresh perspective on building their practice through relationships and not just marketing tactics. And if you want more practical tools like this, please make sure to follow or subscribe wherever you're listening. I've got so many more episodes coming your way that go even deeper into how to grow your practice without burning out. See you in the next episode.