Avoiding Pitfalls in Male-Female Mentorship

Join us for the "Avoiding Pitfalls in Male-Female Mentorship" episode of the Five-Fold Food Podcast, where Prophetess DeTricia Adams Fly, a seasoned minister, joins me for the opening segment. Together, we delve into her enlightening experience of embracing her prophetic calling and explore the intricate dynamics of mentorship within the ministry.

This collaborative discussion focuses on navigating relationships, specifically male-female mentorship within the ministry context. We intensely scrutinize potential pitfalls in these relationships. Joining me are my wife and four dynamic women ministers whom I've mentored in various ministry aspects. Together, we share our experiences, emphasizing the sacred and ministry-focused nature of mentorship. We discuss the importance of setting clear objectives, understanding the mentee's perspective toward their mentor, and outline the essentials of fostering a healthy mentorship relationship.

My wife, First Lady Alicia, offers invaluable insights into maintaining a healthy perspective as a spouse when one's partner mentors someone of the opposite sex. She also shares how, in our marriage, she navigates my mentorship with females in our congregation without any issues. This episode is a treasure trove of wisdom aimed at helping mentors and mentees avoid the pitfalls of male-female mentorship. It's designed to leave you enriched with knowledge, wisdom, and profound insights. Particularly enlightening is our discussion on women ministers and their attire. Get ready to be inspired and equipped with the wisdom to steer your own mentorship journey.

Transcript

0:01

Welcome to the Five Fold Food Podcast hosted by Dr Robert F Dial, where ministers receive the spiritual nourishment they need to succeed. The Word of God declares and he gave some apostles and some prophets and some evangelists and some pastors and teachers for the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ there, to receive revelation, wisdom and insight to empower your ministry for victory. Now let's eat.

Dr. Dowell 0:34

Praise the Lord. God bless you. Welcome to Five Fold Food with Dr Robert F Dial. I'm so excited about our Five Fold discussion today. Wherever you may be watching this podcast, whether you own the YouTube, be sure that you do subscribe so that you can get all of our podcasts. If you are on Spotify or you own Apple Podcasts, amazon Podcasts, be sure that you subscribe so you can get the latest episodes. And not only that be sure that you do leave us a review, give us a five star review. Share with us how the podcast is blessing you. It'll help that platform. Share this with others so that they may be blessed.

Dr. Dowell 1:19

I am super excited about today's episode. That's something special that God has for you. We've been dealing with the subject of mentorship and I'm excited about what we're going to be discussing today. It's going to be an awesome time. We're going to be talking about avoiding the pitfalls in the male-female relationship and I believe God has put on my heart a special podcast that I believe is going to bless you. We're going to look at it and I'm going to be dealing with some of the ministers that I help mentor, and so I want you to get ready for this podcast. I'm going to bless you.

Dr. Dowell 1:57

It started off. I recently had a time with one of the ministers, one of the five-fold part of our cadre. We would call them some. They said spiritual daughter, but nevertheless it's someone that I've helped mentor, and so I want to bring you into this interview that we had and then we're going to come back and then we're going to have a deeper discussion in it, and normally in our Bible studies we have what we call a 3D discussion, and so I want you to get in that mindset that it's going to be a 3D discussion, that we're going to have a deeper discussion that's going to help us for a discipleship as five-fold ministers, as it deals with the pitfalls in the female relationship. So I want you to prepare and we're going to come back and we're going to go further in our podcast today and I want to bring you into an interview that I had with one of our ministers Well, prophetess, dee Dee, I'm glad that you could be here for this podcast segment with me. How are we doing today?

Prophetess Fly 3:10

I'm doing great. How are you doing, pastor?

Dr. Dowell 3:12

Well, good, I'm excited that you could. We could make it with all of your busy schedule. You got so many things going on, so I'm thankful that you could take a moment to help add some value. As me and pastor Jacoby we've been dealing and I've been dealing with the last few podcasts We've been dealing with the subject of mentorship and God put you on my heart. You was one of the ones. God put on my heart that I wanted to have one of our female perspective to chime in concerning mentorship. But before we get into our quick segment tonight, kind of share with those who don't know who prophetess DeTricia is. Kind of share with us who you are, so we'll kind of get a feel of you.

Prophetess Fly 3:58

Okay, thank you, pastor. First of all, thank you for having me on. It's truly a pleasure and an honor. My name is DeTricia Adams Fly.

Prophetess Fly 4:06

I was born again, saved, again, filled with the Holy Spirit, in 1998. I answered the call in 2000. So I'll walk with the Lord. I've already known who I was because my family comes from the prophetic realm. So hearing, seeing, tasting, all the senses that go with the prophetic has always been there. So that was nothing new. It just kind of put a stamp on an acceptance of who I really was, because for a lot of times people don't know that prophets run from who they are and so we have to really accept that calling. And so I accepted the calling of who I was and stopped running from it and allowed God to really begin to move in 2000. So I actually begin to grow more actually with you, pastor. So it was a blessing that when I stepped foot in new life in 1998, I don't want to say the hat, but the hat of the prophetic really set deep on my head, because the more you grew, the more I grew, you know what DD, I'm looking forward to it and you got to give me your word now.

Dr. Dowell 5:10

I know your word is good when the time is right. I got to get you back home and we're just dealing with that prophetic thing and you just said a mouthful there that many that are really truly called from the prophetic many times they want to run from it. It's not something that they're running into because what they're seeing and hearing. I'm saying I got to get you on our podcast. We really can dig into the prophetic. Can I get your word when the time is? Right and we're going to do it.

Dr. Dowell 5:34

Can I get you back home? We can really dig into that. I'm definitely looking forward to it. Kind of tell us. So those are no two. I think it'll be interesting when we deal with that. Give us some of your other background, maybe some of your accomplishments, so we kind of get a full picture of you, some of your educational background.

Prophetess Fly 5:53

Sure, I have a number of different undergraduate degrees. I started out thinking that I was going to go into pharmacy, but it kind of went different. However, I have a number of different degrees, that undergrad. I have three masters psychology, theology and human resource. I'm actually in my doctoral program to where I come out as a primary care physician. I messed that up, but I'll come out as a doctor, so education has been a love of mine.

Dr. Dowell 6:20

I'm also on the collegiate level.

Dr. Dowell 6:22

See, man, that's different man profit is as a doctor with the white coat on. Well, that's something else that we're going to have to just have to deal with that Now. We've been dealing Dee Dee and I'm so thankful for being past your cover. We've been dealing with mentorship and I want you to maybe share what I really want to talk about. Let's get right to the crux of the matter.

Dr. Dowell 6:45

I want to deal with some of the pitfalls, male and female, that they need to avoid. Male, female pitfalls to avoid. When I was your mentor, still am your mentor Some may use the term as we use, like spiritual father, mentor, all of that kind of synonymous I want to deal with. First of all, I want you to hit some pitfalls, but kind of share. How did that look like? Because we really never had this conversation before. We kind of talked about, maybe, what brought you on, but before then we've never really talked about it. What did that look like to you? Because I think it helps give a frame of reference for other females with males. How did that look to you and what impact did my mentorship have with you? So we can kind of get a feel of what that looked like, not just male to male, but female.

Prophetess Fly 7:35

So that's a great question, because there are some pitfalls that we, as male and female, need to avoid, and, first of all, I think one thing that is a major pitfall is that when we go into mentorship, we don't really have an idea of what we want to be mentored in. We just know that this is a great person and we want to know what they want to know. But when it comes to mentorship, what is it that I want to get from you? What is it that I want to glean? So if I have an idea of where, like a course of study, what is it that I want to glean from you? Is it writing books? Is it how to pastor? Is it something of that nature? If I'm just kind of over the place, I don't give you anything really to focus on and I don't give you anything to really teach me, because I don't have a clear objective. And so my time with you as my mentor and still going on has really been an honor, because you have such a vast knowledge of information that I need. And I don't think I tell you enough how much I appreciate you, because the more you grow, I grow, because what's on the head rolls down to the body. So thank you for ever allowing God to grow you and teach you so that I can grow as well. So what has it looked like? What it has looked like for me as a female?

Prophetess Fly 8:48

I place you in a place of my father, my spiritual father. So, just like my natural father, I gave him respect. I give you respect, and so when I come to you with the question, I come already knowing what I have need of. So I don't waste your time, I don't waste valuable time between us, but I give you that respect. So there's nothing that can be said. So anybody can walk in the room. You've always been most respectful, you've always given me the answers, and anytime that anybody has anything to say, that's my father, that's my father in the faith, and so it doesn't even matter, because, pastor, you are a wealth of information that I have need of.

Dr. Dowell 9:30

Well, let me ask this I see many people can get tripped up and the glory be to God. And I have other daughters in the ministry. There's never been a conflict, there's never been an issue where I felt I crossed the line with you that I had and any of the other ladies with problems with their husbands. We know where it's awkward and I believe we've avoided some of those pitfalls because one I look at and I think that's what leaders with me and you need to be very careful in the mentorship, where we've never. Let's help some practicalities, let's give some practicalities. Some pitfalls they can board Like with us.

Dr. Dowell 10:08

Our conversation is always around ministry and mentorship. We don't get to the personal thing. I might know what you're in school but it's not just like a friend type thing and I'm just a listening ear is dealing with ministry and life things. We never went out to eat together Our mentorship, over what? Since 1998, you've been a part of our ministry and in our world we've never had a time where me and you we went out quote unquote mentorship and had a meal quote unquote mentorship and coffee.

Dr. Dowell 10:45

And I think, dd, honestly, sometimes those things can start off innocently. I want to pour it into you and you want to know about prophetic or apostolic and it starts off well, but because God just frizz wisdom and understanding that we've never put ourselves in any positions, and that's the thing and I think we need to avoid, especially if that's the pastor or you're a prophet or whoever you mentor and there's a female, I don't think it couldn't be done. But we've got to be very careful that we always keep it above board that we never do those things. Where we've had that alone time, what would you say to kind of help those others avoid some of those issues in that?

Prophetess Fly 11:26

Okay, one thing I would say is to know no man after the flesh. So it was never my job to know you in your fleshly manner only as my spiritual father. So I only wanted to know what you knew spiritually, and that's in the face of a first lady, that's in the face of my husband. Anybody could walk in the room at any time, because what I need to glean from you are the things of the father. I need to know what he has poured on you so that when it pours on me I can receive it the right way. There's never been a moment to where we had any falling out, because I give you the respect and I believe that it's also reciprocated because we come to do the work of the ministry. We have clear goals and so, while you know, you, first lady, and my husband and myself we have been to dinner, but we've been together collectively. It's never been outside of with our spouses, and that's a key.

Dr. Dowell 12:21

That's so that see that you can avoid some stuff like that. It's a us relationship.

Prophetess Fly 12:26

Right. Right, because I also know that I'm married to my husband and so if I'm trying to do things right, then it goes right with my husband first, and then he'll know. Hey, I have a meeting with pastor, like today. I have a meeting with pastor, and so guess what? He's in the other room, but he knows everything that's going on, not the anything would ever cross the line, because I respect you as my father. You know, that's the biggest thing.

Dr. Dowell 12:50

It's good. A couple things hit my mind. Didi, I want you to hit on the couple things when you said you keep it ministry focus, and I think To. I think how some people can get in trouble with it when you don't be ministry focused. And it's nothing wrong with complimenting and saying like, oh, that's, that's a nice purse, didi, or pastor, that was a nice shirt, or you know, you know that was a nice suit.

Dr. Dowell 13:15

But what we have to be careful that if there's too many compliments, right, we got to be careful even with the too many, that it doesn't need to be that you're looking nice. Every time I see you, oh, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice. See, that's. Those words have power and meaning and so you want to be careful, even though you could compliment them every Sunday on their dress, on their attire, on their purse, on all your makeup look good. I think you need to be careful with so, with the words that you speak, because that's our soul, ties and buns and something that's start off innocent happens. So I would say that I think that the company I think before you was mentioning something right before we went on. I'm recording about the touching. Can you share that? We want to help the ministers and the leaders from the psychological aspect.

Prophetess Fly 14:09

We have to be careful when we give too much attention to the other person. That's not your spouse, depending on where that person has come from. First of all, when I come into this relationship with you as my mentor, I need to know, like I said just a moment ago, what is it that I'm trying to get from you? Number two, I also need to know something about myself. What areas do I lack? In what areas of my life are my weakness or my downfalls? If I have an area of my life to where a man or men in general are my weakness, I don't need a mentor that's a man, because, especially if my weakness is a man, then let's say, for instance, I run into you and a restaurant and we sit down, we start talking. Will that play into me and I begin to feel some kind of way?

Dr. Dowell 14:56

Then you're you saying you need to be true to yourself. If you know you have a problem with men or the male, you got a. You have a woman issue. You know you've been loose, you don't need to even fool yourself, exactly, exactly.

Prophetess Fly 15:09

I need to know that already, and so I also have to realize that as a man, a Mentor and a woman, I have to be careful, because women begin to get emotions and feelings by eye contact and we know that when we talk to one another, we're gonna look at each other in the eyes. So eye contact causes women to feel a certain kind of way, and then, god forbid if you put your hand on her shoulder or you stroke her hand or not intentionally trying to do anything, but just that clear contact also causes emotions, psychologically, to begin to develop.

Dr. Dowell 15:42

So we need to watch out for that. These are pit weak so they don't need to be in. And I'm just thinking about it, I'm just hearing it. I don't know. You know we do the, you know I do the. Oh, you know the hug. So I can't think of besides in the church and with so that I've ever physically, you know, see, I think that's how we stay out of Trouble. I've never had a problem like that with women, but even even though I haven't, I don't cross, I don't put myself in danger, I won't let you know, man, if you're listening as you're saying, well, you know what, when I don't have no problem that never been advised if it haven't been, but it can be, because you're still human and you don't want to put yourself in those Positions, and I think that's important, that's good wisdom.

Prophetess Fly 16:22

DD. And then also we have to be careful whether it's the mentor or the mentee is. Don't take your personal Information to that conversation. If I begin to tell you I'm coming here because I need to know, two plus two, but I take you my problem with Galen and you begin to give me information About my relationship, now I'm taking on a whole different relationship that's coming out of being mentorship to where now I'm putting in a friend zone, which is now complicating the things, because now my relationship with you now has a different focus on it, and so now we're gaining relationship as a friend and it Be careful with that, with counseling, just keeping the line straight.

Prophetess Fly 17:04

Yes, yes, let me hit this, go ahead.

Apostle Cofield 17:07

Go ahead DD.

Prophetess Fly 17:08

And I was gonna say, and as a mentor, that mentor needs to be strong enough to bring it back to focus, because if you don't bring me back on focus, if I, if I happen to veer off DD we're here to talk about, you know, two plus two I Know you're going through I'll set you up with a different counselor. You know, sister, such and such will may be available. We'll try to get that set up because we don't want to cross lines.

Dr. Dowell 17:31

I think there's. So that's, that's great wisdom, you know, in that to to know how to use it. Now, before we get ready to wrap this up, because I know you got so much on your plate. You mentioned about like what you mean you and first lady and you were first lady Can you speak to the females in terms of some advice and how that relationship with, if especially male you know we'll deal with it from the other standpoint because we know there's some leading ladies, that mentor We'll deal with that in another segment but how to give them some wisdom and working with keeping that relationship good with the first lady, you know, with the man and I think because of the ladies and the daughters that we have, you know, because they've got the wisdom in that there's never an issue.

Dr. Dowell 18:17

My wife don't have an issue because of the way you handle yourself. But if we haven't been taught or trained or seen that model, they might not know how to do that and they might be falling in some pitfalls and causing the trouble with the first lady of Whatever they call her co-pastor or sister. Can you kind of speak to that to give the ladies some wisdom in dealing with that?

Teachings on Modest Behavior and Dressing

Prophetess Fly 18:36

Sure, I think one of the things that's really helped me grow up in this area was, over the time of being military and we went to different churches. The teachings that we received from the elders, the elder women, who set the younger women down and taught them how to behave themselves and how to dress and how not to do certain things, and so that's a very important aspect of what we need to focus on is you know how to dress, how to walk before other men, how to sit before the men and how to you know behave, because that's something that you know. As we know, in this day and time has gotten really loose and has gotten really let.

Dr. Dowell 19:15

So you said that it caused a problem with the first day, the way they carry themselves exactly. It's not too much showing cleavage.

Prophetess Fly 19:23

Yes, and too much hip and too much lip. And so we have to be careful because, you know, even though we know our pastor is full of the Lord, he's still yet a man and we don't know on the days that he may be struggling, we don't know on the days that the the woman pastor, may be having some trouble at home, and then that one Look goes into two looks and then they may begin to struggle. So we need those moments to where our elder women are still yet teaching the younger women how to act, dress and walk and talk.

Dr. Dowell 19:54

Sure for those who might not have it didn't get privy that tension, that teaching chef some things with the female ministers and apostles and prophets, how, maybe some things that they need to be mindful of, like you said, just to spell it out, I think that keeps that tension from the cuz. First, I don't look at you all like funny because you're not coming With a cleavage showing and I'm saying that I'm not, and I think that's very important, especially with people. We're not a clothes line church where we deal with people dressed, but women that I'm gonna be interacting with and Conversating with and phone calls with. I think it's been a blessing because they don't carry themselves, they dress modestly, like that you know in church and I think that's important.

Dr. Dowell 20:37

Can you kind of speak to some of those issues before we close up this segment?

Prophetess Fly 20:41

Sure, women need to be mindful that we don't have too much cleavage out. We know that there are some shirts, depending on the bus size, will pull down. If you know that you're heavier busted, you need to get a shirt that's higher up in the collar. We also know that if you are More of a luptuous in the bottom part, you might need to get a different size skirt or pants to wear. That split On the side of your skirt is not riding too high. We know how we look before we leave the house and if we have to question or ask somebody hey babe, how do I look? We already know within ourselves.

Dr. Dowell 21:16

I don't think this just kind of podcast that we getting an illegalism, we telling people how to dress is that are we. Are we going there? Are we going there?

Prophetess Fly 21:26

I think we need to go there for the simple fact that how often is it taught? How many people in this day and age can say that they've actually been taught on how to behave and conduct themselves in the church?

Dr. Dowell 21:38

Wow.

Prophetess Fly 21:40

Not too many, because if you ask my children outside of home how have they gotten it somewhere? You know now that we're somewhere different. You know, Is this particular church teaching it? Is this one going to teach the younger people how to dress?

Dr. Dowell 21:54

See, I think that's so good and a couple things that hit my mind that I know from our ladies that you all don't blow past first lady To speak to me and people who roll like that. She'll catch it. It's like they speak to you and not me. And see, I think when you, if you, if you don't honor them, that's where problems come in. That you got to be sure and the same, on the other token, I, my goal is to that I want to try to make sure I honor your husbands.

Dr. Dowell 22:28

So if I'm mentoring females different things, that I have to be intentional, that I want to have Some level it may be different when each person level of relationships with the husband. So I'm just not, I only talk with your wife and I don't speak to them. And I think that's what the male perspective, they got to be mindful of that as well that you are intentional With the females even if they don't come to church. When you see them to speak to them, they say hello to them if they don't come, if they do come to have that in an action. So I think that takes some tension off From both ways. Didi, that's so much that we could get into, you know dealing with this area. Say anything else that you want to share Regarding male female Mentorship that that may add some value to our listeners.

Prophetess Fly 23:18

Until we get you on another podcast, the thing I would like to wrap up with is it is so important to know why we want mentorship, our goal, our focus. It is also important that we understand our flaws, our weaknesses. Going into this mentorship, that will keep ourselves straight, keep ourselves accountable to ourselves. And then it's important that when mentorship is over, that we end it.

Dr. Dowell 23:47

Wow, well, good, good, good, six or some things are for a season Exactly. We need to know that well, thank you, dede, for helping us with that. And I think we can avoid some of these male female if we know ourselves, we set clear boundaries, we keep the focus, we be intentional with the male, building relationship with the, the other spouse, the female be sure she's intentional, being mindful of what we do, so we don't get so ties.

Prophetess Valerie 24:18

Exactly.

Dr. Dowell 24:18

Yes, and getting out of keeping things above board, never putting yourself in Compromising positions so that things could just happen. That wasn't playing, and I think that's when we need to be wise with those things. Well, thank you for this, for being with us. I look forward to you being with us again in the five-fold food podcast.

Prophetess Fly 24:44

I appreciate you so much. Thank you for having me on, amen I.

Dr. Dowell 24:51

Wow, wow, wow, boy. What a conversation. I am just chopping at the bit. I'm excited Today, as I said, with the interview that I just had with Profitist Didi, and today for this podcast. I'm joined also by other ladies that I have the pleasure of doing ministry with, and so I want to get right down to it for the podcast. I want to first of all welcome my wife for life. You know my queen, first Lady Alicia. I'm so glad that you could be with us on this podcast today. I pray that we're doing good.

First Lady Dowell 25:43

Yes, I am doing wonderful and healing and recovering well.

Dr. Dowell 25:48

Amen, amen. We thank God. Yeah, you're in the time of this podcast. You just had some things going on in your body and God is yet healing you and getting you well, I'm glad. I think you need an induction, so let me kind of introduce you to the podcast. That kind of helped with time so we can get our podcast. That's First Lady Alicia. She's my wife and that's the main thing about her. But she has also been with me since the founding of the ministry over 30 years, been by my side, a prayer warrior that loves the Lord, teaching, shed a word of God, a mercy gift, done some things in terms of, you know, with the field of psychology and school and all of that, and so they kind of get a feel of you. But that's who's my wife. We're going to hear more from you. Also, we have with us, we have evangelist. We're glad you're here with us, evangelist. How are we doing this evening? Be sure you unmute your microphone. Evangelist, we're glad that you're here. How are we doing today?

Evangelist Lassien 26:48

I'm doing great pastor. So glad to be here with you all on this evening.

Dr. Dowell 26:54

Amen, I'm excited. I want to get right into the podcast, but real quickly, and we'll have to. This is what I'll do. We'll have to get you all on at another time, but just quickly. Can you tell us, evangelist, tell us a little quickly about yourself and then we'll let everybody introduce and we'll do better next time. And I want to get right into our podcast and I kind of tell us a little about who you are.

Evangelist Lassien 27:13

Well, I'm evangelist saying I'm married for 37 years. I gave my life to Christ in 1987, never had a mind to turn back. I was at New Life for 20 years under the two two two, paster Dow and Alicia, and I am a kindergarten teacher in Cyprus, fairbanks, texas so, and I've had the opportunity to do many, many, many things in the body of Christ.

Dr. Dowell 27:46

So that's a little bit about me. Amen, yeah, and you've pastored, you've pastored in overseas and all those kind of things and so good. And we also have Apostle Wanda Cofield. Can you kind of just induce yourself? Just people get a little feel of who you are. Apostle Cofield.

Apostle Cofield 28:04

Hi, I am a Apostle, wanda Cofield. I've been in ministry for years and years and years. I I've pastored over in Germany, me and my husband. I've been married for 32 years now. Me and my husband and I teach classes on prophetic dance ministry just helping people find their their it. I also do mentorship. So I do a lot with ministry and helping people reaching their goals and trying to pull them out. So that's a little bit about me.

Dr. Dowell 28:36

Amen, amen and we'll we'll probably have also in the show notes. You'll have a link where you can see Apostles Cofield, her ministry and all of the ladies any kind of ways you want to reach out and contact them. Be sure you look in the show notes whether, whatever platform you're listening to this, watching this on, you should be able to get some information regarding them in the show notes under the podcast. Also, we've got prophetess Valerie Tosie with us. Kind of introduce yourself, prophetess Valerie, and tell us a little about you.

Prophetess Valerie 29:05

Amen. I'm prophetess Valerie Tosie here in Lawton, oklahoma. I've been under Apostle Dow and First Lady Dow for at least 15, 20 years. I graduated from the Minnesota School of Theology with a Bachelors of Divinity and I'm the founder and visionary of Women of Destiny, global Vision Incorporated, teaching women how to discover the purpose and their area of influence, wherever that is.

Dr. Dowell 29:33

Amen, amen, awesome, awesome, awesome. Also, we got Eldris, patricia Henderson, and all of these ladies are licensed and ordained ministers of the gospel and walking their different prospective offices. So, eldris Henderson, can you kind of introduce yourself to us?

Eldress Henderson 29:52

Yes, hello everyone. My name is Eldris Patricia Henderson. I'm here in Lawton, oklahoma. Originally from the state of Florida. I've been with New Life Fellowship Church under the leadership of Dr Robert F Dylondar and Dr Alicia Diles since 2003. I was ordained under them in 2015. I also have my bachelor's in theology. I'm a registered nurse. I've been registered nurse for 30 years, currently serving as the chief nurse for the Oklahoma City VA. I am an author, definitely a veteran, right before Veterans Day. So happy Veterans Day to all of our veterans and just love serving in the house of the Lord and serving his people.

Dr. Dowell 30:40

Amen. And for those, depending on when you're hearing this, this podcast, Whenever Veterans Day is, is either before or after. We want to salute all those that served for all of our veterans. And again, first thing, I kind of introduce you. Anything that you want to say, I know you're well equipped to speak for yourself. I'm just so excited to get into our discussion Anything you would like to say. First thing, Dile, as we get started today, I know I kind of introduce you, but anything else you would like for our listeners to know about you?

First Lady Dowell 31:17

That first of all, I'm a mother of five boys, grandmother to six grandkids, but as far as education go, I got several degrees, too many to name, so I'm just going to say the doctorate of theology, but then I also have a master in leadership and I also have my bachelor's in psychology. So, and I'm also a writer too, and I'm working on the book currently, but it's coming slowly but surely when it's coming. And I'm also the first to your new life fellowship church. For what? 28, no, 29 years I've been firstly of new life fellowship church.

Important Lessons From Mentorship Interviews

Dr. Dowell 31:54

The one and only, and so I know you're proud of your mothership. Ladies, let's get into our podcast tonight. We're talking about pitfalls and male and female relationships. Let's help some, some females. Let's have some males. Let's help them in this. We just heard the interview that I had with Prof is DD. I want to start with you what, what, what. What stands out, what, what hits you in this interview that we've had, and all of you all mentor you in one way or the other, but what stood out to you as we dialogue from our discussion? Let's start with you, elger's Henderson what, what, what stood out to you. If there's anything, that what stood out to you from this interview?

Eldress Henderson 32:44

I think the big thing that stood out to me from the interview is where she said a lot of times when we go into mentorship we really don't have a goal or kind of know what we really want to be mentored for.

Eldress Henderson 32:59

And she repeated that several times throughout the conversation or discussion and I thought that was very good. You know, sometimes when we look in for a mentor, you know we see them I'll say a lot of times we see their fruit, but we don't see when they went through the plant season of what they do. So sometimes when you look for a mentor you may be like well, I want to be like them are, and if we don't go in sometime with a clear vision or goal, you know, like she said in the discussion, you can kind of be all over the place. So it's very important and I would agree with that, that you really do need to have a focus when you ask someone to mentor and really you know if you go to that person and you really don't know what you want, then you don't even know if that person can really give you what you need as a mentee.

Dr. Dowell 33:50

Amen, apostle Cofield, what stood out to you from this conversation I had with Prof Didi?

Apostle Cofield 33:56

Kind of what stood out to me is you know when you are we're talking about the boundaries, right, and you know, don't cross the lines. It's like when you're dealing with the male, female, you know mentorship and you have to be mindful of each other's spouses and not, you know, cross that. No, you shouldn't be just going out chilling. You know, as you said, eating together. Just you all, one on one, like that, are having coffee, like that. It should be, as you all said, the us thing. If you have in that, and definitely it's because if you do that, it can definitely cross boundaries and lead to other territories that you don't want to step into. Good, what about you?

Prophetess Valerie 34:31

Prof Isvalari. Mine was going back to what Prof Didi kept mentioning. What Henderson was saying was to have an idea. If we don't have an idea of what we want to gain from that person that we're asking or inquiring them to mentor us, then things can kind of get out of sync, go haywire. You didn't meet my expectations, you didn't do what I thought you were going to do, and everything can get out of sync if we don't have a focus.

Prophetess Valerie 35:03

And I never really thought about that until I heard you and Prof Isditi dialoguing about that. I never really thought about that and I've mentored many young ladies, but I've also had some spiritual sons, but I've never actually thought about that. That is something to really to find out first. If you're going to mentor somebody, are you even compatible? Are you even compatible? Do you have what they're looking for? Can they glean off of what you have? Like Didi even mentioned, is it books? Is it the knowledge? Is it what is your areas of strength that you can benefit that person that you're mentoring? And so I just thought that was really good. She did say that several times and I never looked at it quite like that.

Dr. Dowell 35:51

Wonderful. Let's go to your adventures. Let's talk about when we're dealing with this, avoiding the pitfalls in the male and female, where we can stay out of trouble to give people an idea, because it's different Everybody. How did that look to us? Because some people had had a model and they might have an unhealthy model. I believe. I not believe. I know, thanks to God, to all of these ladies on here that we have a healthy model of what our mentorship has looked like. It's looked different for each person. It's not necessarily the semantics of the word, how, if we say it's we mentor, but it's our interaction that it has been of a mentoring nature, because that's who I am by nature. What does that look like when our relationship advantageous, the same, so it helps people get in in our world so they can kind of see what healthiness look like. How does that look between us? You need to unmute as well.

Evangelist Lassien 36:45

Yes, I believe, even as the DD was saying, the very first thing is that for us, as pastor, I saw you as my father. So you never, you know, and even DD was saying that when we mentor, when we were spend time together or talk about the word, it was always about ministry, it was always about the things of God, it was never about anything else. And so that's that's the healthy thing right there too. And no one like if you being mentored, if your mentor or the mentor began to go in different directions and like we talked about, now you're talking about personal things, did he talked about that we're not bringing our personal life, because then now you're taking it to a whole different level. And so as long as we, 27 years of you mentor, mentor me it, I always saw you as my father in the face. So sometimes that's very important how the person see you, because we have to know who we are and so you know and know who you dealing with.

Evangelist Lassien 37:54

And I always said, I believe that it was our relationship was such a good, healthy relationship because a first lady, because first lady taught us as the daughters to be secure in who we was, because first lady never said what you doing? What are you talking so long? Or do that we always? You know that that was my mother in the face, so that was the relationship. Mother father was never nothing else and just ministry focus. So in that we have to know who we are and some of the pitfalls is, if we're not healthy, that's both the mental mentor and the mentee. If you needy, you going into the mentorship and you're needy like you're not, you know you don't know what you want but you needy. So that sets you up right there for failure. You know, cause things to go in a different direction.

Dr. Dowell 38:46

Yeah, I know, when we first met you I mean that was your heart. I remember you had a cookout and you said, like I want to get this wisdom. That was always your heart, to want to pull and learn. And I want to say this too it's not the semantics of it. So, whether you your leader, whether you, it's not about calling them spiritual father, not even about you identifying that term, but it's about how you see them, is putting them in a proper way. And so, though, uh, advantageous of the saying indeedy, that's terminology and how you all seen, you know me, for a mentorship to take place, it doesn't necessarily have to use those semantics and no learn, but it's the principle of really honoring them and putting each other in the right perspective. And it's about seeing them, whether you say that's my daughter or whatever, but it's about putting them in the right place, that someone that I, I pull into and nurture.

Dr. Dowell 39:39

Since you mentioned first study, first study, I want to get with you. I mentioned it on the with DD, but it hit me you've never had a, we've never, and we don't, you know, we, we're honest, there's never been an issue over you know, the 29 years of men's, 30, over 30, just ministering general, where you had an issue with me and my inner action with mentoring coaching. You know, uh, uh, uh, the other ladies whether we're calling it, but it's just the interaction. You know, it's the interaction with this coach. Can you share with the? It'll help all of us learn why hasn't that been a problem? Because there's something that we've done right and I don't know what all it is, cause we, you know, we never really had the conversation until I felt I want to do this podcast and then I kind of almost like, oh, okay, I don't even share, I want to hear it in real time. And you begin to share some of the things. So can you share why you believe we haven't had any, uh, issues and problems?

Dr. Dowell 40:46

Okay, I think I lost it. Did I lose your first lady? Good, I know how we'll solve this. Okay, first lady, let's do this. Come and we'll do. We'll do joint. Yeah, you went in your screen.

First Lady Dowell 40:57

Can you repeat what?

Dr. Dowell 40:58

you asked me to do. I think what it might do. Just come to my, come to my, come to my house, come to my side. We're going to do this thing. We're going to make it work in real time. Come over to me and we're able to get on. We should be able to get on the camera together, because I don't I don't think we're going to probably lose you. You can leave that screen on there or just put it on the camera and come to me and we want to get all this podcast in. We want to hear directly from you, okay, so just yeah, good, let's go to you. Who ain't heard from? Let's go back to you. Profitist Valerie, as first lady, comes to be with us. What are some wisdom that you will give to ladies? You know that are getting mentor. We've had a good relationship, a healthy relationship. What's some wisdom that you can extract maybe from our relationship or from others that can help them? Giving ladies wisdom? What's some wisdom you can give them?

Prophetess Valerie 41:54

Amen.

Prophetess Valerie 41:55

Some of the wisdom would definitely be that if you're going through anything personal, you're going to female someone that's close to you, someone that you trust that they can actually go do and discuss those personal things, whether it's in their marriage, whether it's, you know, just those personal, intimate things that need to be discussed from a woman to a woman, and keep the other things that you, minister, you know if you have a male mentor or vice versa, you know to keep that more towards the teaching, the pouring that's going in what you're gleaning from that mentor ministry if it's, you know, has to do with ministry and stuff but just to keep those healthy boundaries even as Profitist was mentioning as you guys were dialoguing, I think the boundaries are really will keep you safe.

Prophetess Valerie 42:46

It'll keep you safe from getting into territory that you shouldn't be at, you know, even if it's not, you know that you meant to, but crossing over and getting into a situation or a circumstance that you didn't mean to get into because you were vulnerable, you were open. You know you were discussing some things with your mentor.

Dr. Dowell 43:06

If it's a male that you shouldn't have been, let's go, let's go, let's go, but what's some of those real quick women bring first aid on. What are some things? What are some boundaries? Help us, try me. And ladies Unmute, I don't, you know, we don't. We don't limit the time. What are some of the things in the boundaries? Cause we want to get to the where the rubber meets the road. We want that, we want to help them, because I believe this is how we get in pitfalls, because these are conversations that we really don't have and we really don't deal with. So let's share what are some of those boundaries and pitfalls, and I want to get first aid to be able to chime on in this too.

Apostle Cofield 43:39

Right. So if you have an issues with with your husband, right, and you, uh, talking to you, know, your male mentor, about that, that can definitely lead, because now you're you're bleeding, you're crying on them, and that leads to you know different things are down a road. It could lead to down a road that you don't need to to be on just with that. So that's one of the the the pitfalls and boundaries that you need to watch out. Don't, you know, carry your, your personal, or all of your, your, your, your bleeding, onto that, that male mentor, because females are emotional and so you never know what that can lead into. So that's one pitfall you don't want to lead into a going to.

Dr. Dowell 44:22

And bleeding. So we want to see. These are some practical things, how so I want to be careful. If it's a cause that that meaning more, more, so we getting over into the you might need more of a counselor. Exactly If you, if you're hurting and you're going through, like Dita was saying sometime, things might be going on in your marriage and and what I've seen and it's like, well, pastor, if you mentor people, what if they have a marriage issue? Well, that might be something that might come up in it, but that's not something where I would be the counselor in it. Right, I wouldn't be the primary counselor.

Dr. Dowell 44:54

And then me and sister here in Eldris Henderson, now we'll, we'll just deal them with her and she's talking about her marriage and we're doing that. This is how we avoid it. That'll be passed on. The. That's a. That's not the nature of the relationship. When you had that male, female, because we'll, we'll, we'll open up and that's our soul. Ties are formed in that. What were you saying? That? First thing, we were talking about the pitfalls and some actually boundaries. We want to be clear of things that we don't lines we don't need to cross. That's how I've avoided the counseling thing. I don't counsel the ladies, the females in our church? I don't. I don't counsel them. I give them counsel, I give them advice, but just ongoing when we're talking. That's never been a role that I played, so I'm glad that you brought that up. What would you say to that? First say I'm counseling.

First Lady Dowell 45:47

Well, first of all, we don't open up the door to the enemy when, like profiteers DD was saying is like you don't do one on one, or we, when, like you, say we're not going to take you, we, you're not going to go to lunch, we're now under these ladies that's on the podcast. By yourself I'm not. Unless y'all meet somewhere at the restaurant, y'all see each other, y'all can talk to each other and say hi, but you're not going to purposefully set up an outside time with you and the ladies. That's on the podcast.

Dr. Dowell 46:16

And then even the wisdom. If, if I did go somewhere and I saw evangelists or prophetess, sister Henson or Elder Cofield in there, I might speak and talk with them. And they're at lunch and I they're at lunch.

First Lady Dowell 46:28

We still.

Dr. Dowell 46:29

I'll let them saw, but we still would not do lunch together, though, just just me, but just the wisdom of it and the, the way that it could look, or whatever that out, even though we, they're sitting there and I'm sitting there, I built another table and and and I'll put it in, I'll do why? Cause those are how you, you keep yourself out of harm's way, and I'm I'm glad we bring it up. It's not a legalistic thing, but this is how we keep soul ties to. What normally happens is when soul ties are formed, this is how things begin to happen. That's what I was telling DD.

Maintaining Security and Boundaries in Mentorship

Dr. Dowell 47:00

You want to be careful with all the compliments. You're looking nice, you're looking nice, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice, you look nice. You know, he, he, he, that's a nice watch, that's a nice tie, pastor, or your mentor, or the female, or those are nice shoes. Oh, your hair looks nice, oh, your nails. See, if you that those words are powerful, yeah, and so you want to be careful that you're not of the words that you speak with one another, because you can give a life to something that you weren't planned on giving life to, and now there's feelings, Now there's emotions, and that's a soul tie and so I think that has helped us. Let's go back. First thing that I think this is really good. We're having this, you know what your camera want to come, but I said we're going to get this, we're going to make this thing, we're going to make it do what it do anyway. First thing that I think you just probably want to get close to me anyway. So I don't know.

Evangelist Lassien 47:50

That's all that Okay.

Dr. Dowell 47:52

All right. First thing, can you share it all to help those that are male, female? Why is it that we haven't? From your perspective, this haven't been an issue with any of these ladies in terms of mentoring them. Why haven't it been an issue among us?

First Lady Dowell 48:11

Number one is because I'm securing myself and I know who I am to you. So I know that you are my husband and I know that you ain't going to do anything else but be my husband, and so number one, first ladies, they need to be securing themselves. But also because I know that you give me high, you give me honor in front of all the ladies, in front of the people in the ministry. So therefore we're not opening up doors where he, oh, where the enemy can come in and say, oh, that, oh, he don't care about. First lady, because you give me high honors publicly and then we also also too, is is that the honor that you get to me? But then I also respect and honor our women and some of them, all of them, my spiritual daughters. They know they're first lady. I love them and I trust them enough that I know that they won't try nothing sneakier or slick on the slide.

Dr. Dowell 49:04

So what initially hit me? I was thinking when we, when I felt that I want to do this podcast, I was thinking that it's because I haven't gave you a reason. You know, I was thinking because I haven't gave her a reason. To God be the glory. You know, we all have our issues and our struggles, you know. But I haven't gave her a reason not to trust me, I haven't given a reason to like well, why are you texting? You know what are y'all talking about. You know how do you got to talk that long? You know you know there's is anybody else could do it.

Dr. Dowell 49:37

I was thinking it was that. But as first say, to begin to share and we didn't talk about it out of it because one she's securing herself and I think this can kind of help those ladies who your husband do mentor, have interaction that that has to be a certain amount of security within yourself and knowing who you are. And I think you begin to say, because you know who you are, I think you was talking a little bit about it and we didn't go into it because I want to share it for the podcast. You were saying because you're not intimidated.

First Lady Dowell 50:07

No, I'm not intimidated about my all means necessary. Every one of these women have stuff that they add to the table, but I also add stuff to the table, too, as well. So it's no competition. Whereas I have to compete with them, none of them made me ever feel like I had to compete with them. I know they won't, never, ever make me feel like I have to compete with them, because we understand each other as knowing and we honor the gifts that we each bring to the table. So it's never nothing like oh no, no, we all appreciate and we all honor and respect each other's gifts.

Dr. Dowell 50:41

I think so. I think we can learn some things from that, how that makes it work with the female. That has to be a certain security. But then also that security is that she's not in competition with those that her husband mentored. And we got some women. I mean, we have some women that they have their own. Many of you all have your own conferences, you have your own ministries, you travel, you know, you, you, you accomplish, and even though you'll have all that, she's not competing with that, she's not trying to outdo them, and I think that's part. That's part of it.

Dr. Dowell 51:20

Then you said something that was real good to first say that I didn't think about that, not to brag on me, because I really weren't conscious of it, but because I honor you. So let's speak to the males. See how you make the dynamic right. If you are vice versa If we'll deal with in the later podcast when we're dealing with female and male mentorship and we're dealing with the male female you can go both ways that whoever the male that you honor your spouse publicly and as first, say to set, because it kind of sends a message that all is well here, we good here, because if people feel like it's a chance there. They might try to, they might try to shoot. They shot, yeah, because I honor her and we always work on our relationship.

Dr. Dowell 52:06

I think that's a part of it and I think if the male does that concern his wife, the female does that, if she mentors, then that helps. I thank you, lord. That helps the spouse in their security, you help anchor them in that. I want you are ladies, never in this. I want you all to chime in what, what are you all feeling? You know we're not in our 3d mode tonight, and so you something that might be a question. You have what, what are you all hearing in this also so that we can help people avoid the pitfalls.

Evangelist Lassien 52:50

I'll say that's one of that's a big thing, as, like first lady said, like you know, as women, you know we do, you know want our husbands to honor us. You know, and you honor, in front of you know, other women. Even TD Jake said that he said his wife was, you know, it wasn't till he gave her the gift in front of the church that she cited about that because he, in front of all of you know, the other women and things like that. So, there again, making you feel you know, secure, you are secure in your own self, you know, and, like you say, you haven't given her a reason. That's a big one, yeah, yeah.

Evangelist Lassien 53:29

I've been given me a reason to be feel that way, that that helps to, you know. But as a mentee, as a mentor to, one of the biggest things that we can do in those things also is just point people to Jesus. Never let me face with you, you know, they replace God for you, exactly, jesus and pastor. That's what you've always done, you know, in our mentor relationship, always pointing us to Jesus. Or get this book, read this book you need, but keep you know Jesus focus, keep it. Yes, yes.

Dr. Dowell 54:07

Yeah, I know you want to chime in on this.

Eldress Henderson 54:12

Yes, I just really like what first lady said. You know, as she looked across, we're here to compliment, not to compete. And you look at it and we're talking about the pitfalls. The way you prevent those pitfalls is, you know, when I look at the first lady, like I look at you, honor and respect you as as my father in the faith, but as my covering. But I also look at first lady as that authority figure. She's my covering, she's my mother, my spiritual mom, and so, as a daughter, I would never do anything to cause hurt or harm to my mother or my father.

Apostle Cofield 54:55

And intentionally.

Eldress Henderson 54:56

So I know that I'm there to lift up. So when, when we're looking at you, know you, my mentor, I know that I'm like you say we make sure we keep those boundaries, because I keep that in the forefront, that the respect that I have for her is no different than I will want any other woman to respect me if they talk into my husband. So I thought that was very good how she you know, just like we're complimenting one another. But you have to always remember that look at those positions and if you honor and respect those positions, you know when the boundaries are. You have to do everything in your power not to cross the boundaries and you'll make sure you know. Whatever I can talk to you about, pastor, before I talk to you I should be able to have that conversation with my husband.

Eldress Henderson 55:46

I feel that there's something that I need to take to you and there's time that I've already passed is I take it to you and, first lady, you know you'll see emails. I address both because I want both of you to hear my heart, so there's no way that there can be misinterpret.

Dr. Dowell 56:05

Let's go and let's let's hear from you, valerie, in a pasta co feel less. Let's dig a little deeper than that and let's put it in some good practice, practical points for our hearers. I'm here and there's a wisdom that needs to be had with the female if we're dealing with, you know, the male. Some wisdom that the female ladies need to have in dealing with the first lady, cold pastor, whoever they are. That's some practical wisdom and I believe many times, because you know we haven't been taught, they could get into some pitfalls.

Dr. Dowell 56:40

What I just heard you said, elders Henderson, that's a level of communication where you try to, when possible, communicate with both of us. You know, to keep those barriers down. And one thing I want to say the honor. I hear the word that, what I'm getting at you are on and we want to listen to us. Let's not, we don't, let's don't get tripped up because we all have different things. It's not about the that we call pastor, father or mother. I don't know before if I've ever heard you Any you call first day to say you know, like mother and thing. But it's the honor, is what's in your heart. So we want to make sure that we won't, we're not seeing about. That is what you call the person, but it's the honor and the regard that you have for them in the heart.

Maintaining Healthy Relationships With Clergy

Dr. Dowell 57:28

And when you have, like, I don't necessarily go around saying so, that's my daughter, that's my. I'm not saying that's wrong and saying that I want to make sure we know that it's not just in the semantics but that's the view that I have of you all, that I see you in the term, so that's that's like you know, that's, that's, that's incest. If you were to daughter some kind of way, yes, that's, that's so. So it's not about the term, but it's the in what honor that you have. And I think all of that helps. Let's give some more wisdom in this relationship because first, say that you know it's healthy. Can you help the ladies with what you all share? We'll go to apostle, then value and all y'all can chime in it before the podcast in one child. Chime in and your heart and what you all are feeling, so we can really help avoid these pitfalls.

Apostle Cofield 58:16

Yeah, definitely, that's really great wisdom you need to honor, you know, the first lady, you know and your pastor you know if the mentorship, because if I'm just going straight to you I just see you pass, or that's my spiritual father and I just dismiss first lady. That's wrong, that's out of order, right there.

Dr. Dowell 58:35

This miss. Break that down, because we really want to help on practical level with these evangelist prophets in this.

Apostle Cofield 58:41

So when I say dismiss, I mean you know it's not on, well, not speaking or not sharing anything with her, not having some type of relationship. Because look, if we say that you are our spiritual parents and if you are a child, we look at that at the natural. I have relationships, my mom and my dad. I just don't dismiss my mom and never talked to my mom. I'm going to talk to my mom and my dad is how you grew up, right? You talked to both of them, you share with them, and so you just have to make sure you're not dismissing her, just to you know, talk with you because it's more, you know it's on her and that's just a respecting as well too, and so you got to make sure you honor that. And because if you don't, then that can cause a rift. Yes, first lady is secure and who she is, but that still can cause a rift like and you don't want to riff like mentor and mentorships.

Apostle Cofield 59:33

It shouldn't be a rift with your spouses. It shouldn't be a rift in there. It should be an easy flow. Because why is the open level communication? Everybody's communicating. I'm talking to you and telling you some stuff I've shared with my husband. I'm not just going to talk to you and not, you know that. Tell my husband, oh, I spoke to pastor about this or we did this. Because what, what does that do? Have my husband looking at you some type of way like, oh, she talking to him and can't share nothing with me? And that's not the way it should be good wisdom.

Dr. Dowell 1:00:04

So that's how we avoid these rifts. Yes, within that, that communication, anybody else want to chime in on? That profits Valerie, or in the same to help the females in their relationship with the first day, to co past and again, whether you use the terms mother, father, it's about still having that proper relationship and view towards them. Anything else y'all want to chime in that to help.

Evangelist Lassien 1:00:32

Yes, I would say, you know that, because it is a lot of places where people don't respect the first lady and then that's when you see, like the first lady be like upset, you know that she don't have nothing to do, but they, you know, disrespect the first lady and they go, you know, straight to the past.

Dr. Dowell 1:00:50

What does that look like? Because we and I'm not saying that to be, because sometimes things are happening that people are not really fleshing it out and like know what you're doing is that's, that's a form of disrespect. So let's, let's, let's hit that. So what does that look like in terms of five, four people? What are some ways that that could look like in practicalities of disrespecting the first lady? So we'll help them not avoid that out of ignorance.

Evangelist Lassien 1:01:17

Well, I would say, even like, when you have a situation that you can take it to the first lady, you don't have to go straight to the pastor with it. You know, because first lady is like pastor to, or you know, you just deliberately, you know, pass up first lady, go to the pastor. Or you know, don't talk to first lady, hey, first lady, you know, can I talk to pastor? You know, just, you just go to pastor and you don't have nothing to do with first lady. You know what I'm saying.

Evangelist Lassien 1:01:47

Those are the things to that's not right and it's in this. People like that, when you see people, that's a red flag, you know what I'm saying they just like, disregard your position, disregard your gift, like elders and I'm not talking about, you know, because we all have gifts and time but first lady is holds a high position in the church, you know what I'm saying and so. But people tend to disregard that, you know, and they just I'm just going to talk to pastor and you know, and things like that are very disrespectful and that's a person to watch out for. That's a lady to watch out for.

Dr. Dowell 1:02:18

Thank God we don't. And see what this is helping me to see so we can help others. This is how we can keep it good, where it's not a problem, you know, to make sure that that that that that co pastor whatever that you call her pastor's wife is not being disregarded. It's being treated like they don't matter. But let's take it from the pastoral point. Whoever that wife is your mentor, and whether it's a, it's a network, it's a tribe, it's a ministry, it's just your mentor. And then then, whoever is, you want to make sure that you don't treat that spouse like they don't matter. And that's why I talked about what we do, that I'm intentional with, not just with the ladies I mentor but with all of the men in the church, that I want to have my own level of relationship with the men and definitely with their husbands. So then that way they know that it's just not about man.

Dr. Dowell 1:03:14

You talked to my wife, you don't talk to me. How that look. You come here and you text in my wife, you talking my wife and you know and we don't talk. See, that's that's caused the riff. Like you said, apostle Coppia, this is how we avoid these, these rips. Amen probably is valid. Anything you want to add to this.

Prophetess Valerie 1:03:36

Amen. I just think it's all good what was being shared, but it shows that you have a health, healthy house and a healthy relationship when you're able to interact with both the pastor and his wife or vice versa. You know whichever one is being the mentor and the mentee. If you can't, you know and everyone pretty much said this already, but I'm just going to touch on it real quick again If you are just always going, let's just say to pastor and you just want to keep going to him and interact with him and you never have anything to do with first lady, then my advice would be to those that are watching her, you know, want a mentor or want to grow and want to be strengthened. My wisdom would be then you need to check yourself. Why is it that something is out of balance? You know it could have been something from your perception. It could have been a spirit of rejection. It could have been something that you've gone through that you don't even realize. It's making you vulnerable for attention. Vulnerable because you need a man's attention. Vulnerable. If you're a man and you have a woman's mentor as a mentor, you know their attention. So it goes back to.

Prophetess Valerie 1:04:44

I believe pastor prophet is DD saying you know that we need to be real with ourselves and check ourselves. If we're the mentee, be real and be honest with yourself, because you should be able to go to both, because, especially if you're in that house, like you said, it's a tribe, it's a, it's a. We want it to be a healthy house. You know, I'm not going to just go to pastor and he's mentored me for years. I'm not just going to go to him and never say hi to first lady or talk to her or interact with her or laugh with her, and you know that's like a one sided family. I know him but I have nothing to do with her. That's unhealthy and if we're doing that as a mentee, we need to check ourselves. Why. What's going on?

Dr. Dowell 1:05:26

something, something needs healing in our area of our lives and see, and that's why I so love the five full food. Valerie, you write it might be a level of healing that they need. But just to teach you mean that sometimes people haven't been taught that, you know, because it's like, well, she's not involved, she doesn't move in the prophetic, or she doesn't deal with the singing and I sing, or we don't have the same interests or whatever it is. So that's why I don't deal with her. But the wisdom of it is that you want to be intentional about building a level of relationship with a female, yes, and that's keeps the risks from happening in there.

Modesty and Boundaries in Mentorship

Dr. Dowell 1:06:11

Before we close the podcast, let's kind of do some little ratified. Give us your take on the conversation we had regarding the clothes real quickly. Let's go around with your cold field. Let's go around that. What me and Prof Didi, what wisdom, because we really want to help. What? What are you? What were you hearing in that? And you know, regarding that, we're talking about women in ministry yeah, women in ministry.

Apostle Cofield 1:06:38

You know less is best. You know less is best. You know some people are more you know, as I always say blessed in areas than others. Right, and if you are more blessed in areas than others and you want to make sure that you are wearing clothes that are modest, you want it because you don't want to draw attention to the dress thing. You want to draw the attention to what you're speaking and not what you're wearing. So less is best. So we need to be mindful. If you're saying, if I'm being mentied by you, you know you're my mentor and I'm coming with a low-cut shirt, that's out of the question.

Dr. Dowell 1:07:17

Then that puts the other person in a defense mode and you open indoors.

Apostle Cofield 1:07:22

You open indoors and it makes you uncomfortable. If you are, you know we talk about. You know male, female. If you're a male and you come in and a female like that, you kind of uncomfortable for a second, like hey, what's going on? You know I'm trying to focus here. So don't put somebody in an uncomfortable position because of how you dress it. You know, make sure you modest, you know, and with the splits and stuff, like she was saying to you, you don't want to wear a slip all the way up to your back. Why are you coming with that and you trying to do a mentor? You know, shit, that's not how you dress. So less is best.

Dr. Dowell 1:07:56

That's right that was just a little bit more. Evangelist you. What are you seeing there?

Evangelist Lassien 1:08:02

Yes, you know, just like Elsa say, you don't want to be a distraction. What you want to do is you want people to hear what you have to say. And I remember years ago I read a book called why Some Christians Commit Adultery, and they talked about the transfer of spirits. So some people come in with seductive spirits, some people come in with a gender and as the mentee, if you're not sensitive and discerning, so before you know it, that spirit transfers on you and then now you think you want this person, but you really don't. Now you lost the church.

Evangelist Lassien 1:08:36

You lost the family. You wake up and like what happened? So we have to be mindful, you know, and spiritually discerning, because sometimes stuff begin to happen. You know you mentor somebody that have homosexual tendencies or that stay thing. That's what they want. Now you thinking like you want a woman, but what happened? So we have to be, you know, mature in the themes of spirit and know what's going on too. And sometimes people just openly show you they don't need to be taught they doing it for that reason, they showing you who they are Like people show you who they are. Believe it, amen.

Dr. Dowell 1:09:13

We'll close with this podcast. Any questions that you all ladies have that you wanted that maybe we didn't address, or something you want to bring out that we could hit before in these final videos, in these final couple of minutes. Then also, didi mentioned something after we finished the interview. I thought was great that I wanted to mention that she didn't mention that you have to be careful when you're dealing with a mentor, that you need to realize, if y'all don't know it, the anointing is attractive. You have to realize the anointing is attractive. And if people don't know that, what you sense on a person, whether the male or female, that anointing it'll attract you and you'll think it's them that you attracted to. You'll think, like man, you're falling in love with them, you want them.

Dr. Dowell 1:10:00

That's so why Cause that anointing that yoke, destroy and burden, removing power? God that's on their life is attractive. And so if it's on the mentor, if it's on the mentee, if you're not careful with that and not knowing that, you can get that thing twisted. That's why it's so important to avoid soul ties. Yes, so just by the grace of God, how I kept it healthy and I want you all to share if you have a question on how we kept health. I've never allowed a soul tie. I never had a soul tie with our people that are mentors never.

Dr. Dowell 1:10:39

Why? Because I wanted to make sure that we always keep it where we're watching the words that we say. That is never and that's how you keep it. That's why it's never been the compliments, that never. You watch those things because the anointing and we have to have that wisdom Cause if you don't know that, you will find yourself being attracted and it's the anointing and you didn't know it and nobody ever told you. So those are some things you have to realize. The anointing it really is. It is attractive. Any questions that you are, lady, anything that we didn't hit that you all think that we ought to address in these final moments? First lady, anything that we didn't address Ladies, a question or something that you all have?

First Lady Dowell 1:11:22

I would also say that because if the relationship between the pastor and the first lady, if it's not right, people can see and people know-.

Dr. Dowell 1:11:33

We can't fake it really.

First Lady Dowell 1:11:34

You can't fake it, so people will see it and if they have the wrong intentions or the wrong thing, then they know where to plug into that relationship. So and then also allow, if your wife or if you're the mentor and you got mentees coming to you, if your spouse whether you know if it's a male or female if it's your spouse and they see some things, that within that person, listen to what your spouse is saying, because they are seeing something that you may not be able to see, because sometime we got blind spots because we fill a certain level where we're. No, I wouldn't think that she'll do that. No, if your spouse is coming to you and talking to you about certain things, about different spirits, then you need to have a listening ear. Don't just negate what they're seeing.

Dr. Dowell 1:12:17

I think that's so good, first Lady, because they're picking up something and many times ladies have that intuition that a man won't and they're picking it up. And so that's how you avoid it. And you just helped me realize, first Lady, part of how you know we've avoided the pitfalls and I didn't think about it Just to you said that it's because this is good. So to me, in one way, you avoided I didn't think about it like that, I avoided pitfalls with my daughters or the ones I mentor. Why? Cause this is good. Because if this is not good, then whoever I'm talking to, I start seeing something in you all that I'm missing from my wife. I start seeing in other people that I'm not getting at home and that's how I get twisted.

Dr. Dowell 1:13:07

So men, or whoever mentor, work on this to avoid getting caught up in the pitfall. See cause, think about it. So it's just boundaries and all that, but the stronger. And I believe that's the same sentiment with the ladies that I mentor or whatever the relationship. Why? Because you all the co-fields, work on co-fields, lissane, you work on your marriage, sister Henness, eldridge Henson, you work on you and your marriage, valerie. You and your husband, your work on what do you call you my little tiney-nay. I don't know what they call you.

Prophetess Valerie 1:13:43

My little, pretty little tiney-nay. Now you're down to messed up, yeah, but it's a little tiney-nay, pretty little tiney, yeah, so how you avoid it.

Dr. Dowell 1:13:54

is you keep that good yeah. Wait we're out of time. I've enjoyed this podcast. This has been so good. Any final thoughts or, ladies, anything that you wanna just share? I know to impart wisdom into those so they can avoid the pitfall, because we've been in this theme of mentorship and we wanna stay out of those pitfalls. What final words of wisdom that you all would like to share? We'll start with you, valerie, and we'll go our way around and then we'll end the podcast.

Prophetess Valerie 1:14:27

I would just say for final thought of wisdom is back to don't place your mentor so high up. Remember that they don't take the place of God and don't put them out of their proper position or respective place. Honor them and respect them, because we're all human, we all have flaws. At any time something can happen and I've had that in the past where a leader has fallen and it can break you and devastate you if you don't have them in their proper place because you're looking at them and leaning to them for every answer, every guidance, every wisdom, everything is them, them, them. So make sure that you keep everything in balance.

Dr. Dowell 1:15:15

That's good Elgis Henderson.

Eldress Henderson 1:15:20

Yes, just to continue on the line. I would just first always encourage and word of wisdom is to always seek in prayer who your mentor should be and know that mentorship for some is gonna be a season and some it may be a long journey. But even for the mentor, always remember, as Elgis LaSaine said, keep Christ first, lead him to Christ, because that's the goal of where we want any relationship is to lead him to Christ.

Dr. Dowell 1:15:55

Elgis LaSaine. Any words to wisdom? We can stay out of these pitfalls and don't mess this thing up. Let it go south.

Evangelist Lassien 1:16:02

And also, I believe, as husband and wife we compliment one another and God has set us to work together as a team. So if we are mentors, somebody of the opposite sex seek to bring our husbands into that relationship, a mentorship, I believe that they have something that that person needs so we can do it together if at all possible.

Dr. Dowell 1:16:28

Try to do it. Good wisdom, evangelist. And you know what just hit me. I'm so glad you said that, because the nature of my mentorship as a pastor some of it comes through my Sunday morning teaching. It comes through not necessarily having to have a lot of. It's not always the personal interaction, because they get my teaching and if they do have other interaction it might not be as long. It's just like, well, men and elderly women we're talking about this, this, this and this. Why? Because she's getting mentored on Sunday, she's getting mentored. Our prophet is valid. Why, in the trainings that I'm doing, the things that I'm asking her to do, the assignments.

Dr. Dowell 1:17:14

So it just helped me when you said that, evangelist, when your mentor is not like, say, a pastor, then normally your mentorship time comes on more one-on-one type stuff. That's why there's such a good wisdom that you said, if it's male and female, that you try to include your spouse as often as possible and as much as possible, because, see, I'm mentoring you all now I'm mentoring you all with whatever we do to me it's always, and then we'll talk about it. So what happens is, though, because I'm seeing, as a pastor, I do mine more openly to many, and then when we do the one-to-one, it's here and there and that's when she don't have a problem because she's already included in the other. But if we were not in the same church and I didn't have the platform, then our mentorship may be more one than when we set those set times, and I think that's so good that you said that evangelist, saying that if it's like that, then you wanna be sure that you involve your spouse as much and as often as possible. Apostle.

Apostle Cofield 1:18:23

Just to add to that, I wanna say if you are a female and you are married and you have a male mentor, do not boast and brag on your mentor so much in your household to where your husband is like what's going on? Do not put them on a higher pedestal. You just need to. Don't do that, because that's not gonna be good for your marriage.

Dr. Dowell 1:18:46

Good wisdom Don't always be saying what they said. They said they said, they said, they said you know, you know, yeah, the bishop said. That's what the bishop said, apostle, cause you create that word a rift? Yeah, a rift. Good wisdom, first lady.

First Lady Dowell 1:19:02

I will also say to all the male versus female mentors is that, like you, be prayerful, be mindful and also, like prophet is Diddy was saying, you have a goal and you make sure that once you reach that goal, if there's no more mentorship needed, you cut the tides then and don't let it go too far. Don't get to allow that mentee to get so dependent on you that they have to need you for every little thing. But also you gotta realize that there are different types of mentorships. And so once you get to understand the different types of mentorships and you pray and ask people to come to you, you know cause, like you said, you're a pastor, so you're gonna be mentoring everybody on Sunday morning on how we live I walk with Christ. But then if someone has ministry, like Apostle Kofi will.

First Lady Dowell 1:19:53

All prophets and elders and evangelists, all of them have ministry outside of the church. So I don't have an issue with them calling, because I understand that they have ministries outside of the church and I also know that because of that, they're gonna need some guidance. And so if they do call you and say, hey, pastor, I'm about to go do this, that doesn't make me feeling any type of way. Why? Because I understand that they have outside ministry and they need a mentor in that, because they step into new territory. So that's the thing that I would recommend is that everyone, like everyone, says be prayerful, be discerning, be mindful and also make sure that your relationship with your spouse is intact, that you will never, ever, ever, ever let anything come in between you, especially mentorship.

Dr. Dowell 1:20:40

Amen, I think you hit it first, say, and because you're able to do that, because these wise women have a relationship on their own level what in different dimensions with you.

First Lady Dowell 1:20:50

Right On a whole level.

Inspiring Words From the First Lady

Dr. Dowell 1:20:52

Ladies, thank you. I'm so honored to be leading your life mentor, to have you all and you all serve and do such an awesome job. I'm honored and thank God for you and your husbands Yet all of your husbands Tao, elder Charles, elder Lassane, deacon George, all of them. I'm honored that we have relationships, so I'm thankful for you all being on this podcast. Thank you, first Lady, for being in this podcast for us. To those that have been with us, we pray that you will bless it. Please be sure that you write a review. Let us know how you enjoyed it Again, to know more.

Dr. Dowell 1:21:31

You wanna get in contact with these ladies? There should be something in the show notes. Look in the show notes and then you can kinda be able to know how you can get in contact with these awesome women of God. Until our next time together, I want you to never to forget, no matter where you are, what you're going through life. God has destined you for greatness and I pray today that you have eight well, and as you have eight well, I pray that you will excel. I believe that you're gonna live better. I believe that you're gonna do better. I believe that you're gonna release the brilliance that's within you. Look forward to you in our next podcast.