What Roles Are You Resigning From This Year ? (Part 1)

In this powerful and reflective episode of The Daring Well Podcast, host Rita Mercer invites you into a compassionate conversation about the roles many of us unconsciously take on—and why it may be time to lovingly resign from them.

These roles often begin as survival strategies rooted in love, responsibility, or the desire for connection. But over time, they can lead to burnout, resentment, emotional exhaustion, and disconnection from our true selves and from the people we want to connect with. 

This episode is an invitation to pause, reflect, and begin choosing healthier ways of showing up in your relationships, work, faith spaces, and everyday life.

You’ll be encouraged to release shame, practice grace, and remember that you are allowed to start again—right now. Awareness always comes before change, and this episode offers gentle insight to help you recognize patterns that may no longer be serving you.

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Mindfully You Wellness Workshop
A virtual wellness experience focused on resetting habits, releasing negativity, reflecting intentionally, and goal setting.

Learn more and register at: www.DaringWell.com/workshop

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💛 Final Encouragement

“At some point, these roles helped us survive. But survival roles don’t always belong in healthy, mutual relationships.”

If this episode resonated with you, consider sharing it with someone you love—and remember, you are allowed to show up differently.

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Transcript

Welcome to The Daring Well Podcast with Rita Mercer. Hello, my dear. Welcome back to The Daring Well Podcast.

I have really missed connecting with you guys, and I'm so grateful that you're here today.

Truly, I count it as an honor to be on this wellness journey with you, and I don't take it lightly that you tune in each week and that you share these episodes with the people that you love. So, thank you.

Thank you for being a part of The Daring Well community. I hope you've been enjoying the expert guests that I've had on the show each week, and I hope that you've discovered something new.

I hope that you've learned some practical ways to practice wellness in your everyday life, from developing healthier sleep habits, from learning how to practice gentle movement for wellness, learning how to lean into financial wellness, and

everything in between. And as always, if there's a topic that you'd like for me or a future guest to explore more deeply, I want to hear from you.

So, you can leave me a comment in wherever you're here in this episode, whether it's on YouTube or on social media. You can also send me a message through the link in the show notes, or you can email me directly at info at daringwell.com.

And that's info at daringwell.com. So, before we dive into today's episode, I want to personally invite you to a virtual workshop that I'm hosting. It's called The Mindfully You Wellness Workshop.

And it's going to be in an hour and 15 minutes. And it's designed for anyone who is ready to create healthier habits and intentional goals.

This workshop, it's for you if you're ready to let go of all the negativity, if you're ready to crave more calm, more clarity, and more freedom.

Mentally free, physically free, emotionally free, free in your relationships, free in your body, free in your mind, free in your spirit.

If you're looking for more of that, if you're ready to intentionally reset, if you're ready to intentionally reset, release, reflect, and goal set, if this is speaking to you, I would love to truly support you.

You can sign up and get all the details at daringwell.com/workshop. And that's daringwell.com/workshop. As we look at this new day, new month, new year, I want to ask you a question.

What roles are you resigning from this year? What are you choosing to no longer do, to no longer sign yourself up for? What roles are you resigning from this year?

So, here's something I want you to hear clearly today. If you want something different, you have to be willing to do something different. Because, my dear, nothing changes if nothing changes, right?

So you have to be willing to do something different. And you don't have to wait until a new year. You don't have to wait for New Year's resolutions.

You don't have to wait for I'll do that next month, or I'll do that next week, or put it off until I'll do that tomorrow, and then tomorrow just never comes. You can start right now, right now, today. You can just hit the reset button right now.

And you can declare that this is a new day for me. This is a new day that I'm resigning from all the roles that I signed up for that was not serving me. And if you've already slipped up, even today, that's okay.

There's grace for you. And there's more than enough grace for you today, today, and tomorrow, and the next days. And even if it's in the middle of the day, you are allowed to reset as many times as you need, my dear.

Don't give up. Don't quit. That's exactly what grace looks like, giving yourself grace every day.

So I'm curious, which roles are you resigning from? So hopefully you've got some things percolating in your mind. Things that you need to let go of.

Things that are no longer serving you. So let me ask you, if something is no longer serving you, if something's no longer aligned with your goals, your needs, your family, your lifestyle, your... I think I already said values.

Why are you still doing it?

4:45

Understanding Unhealthy Roles

So in your relationships, if you look at your relationships, whether it's at work, with friends, with family, so are you the fixer? Are you the helper? Are you the cheerleader?

In today's episode, we're going to talk about the top 10, so my top 10 list of roles that I feel like we assign ourselves to in different relationships.

And this could be in family relationships, again, like social work, those type of relationships, we're in a community, and so these roles could be considered roles, or they could be considered archetypes, but these are the roles that many people

unconsciously step into, that they fall into, or they get pigeonholed into. Oftentimes, with good intentions to be a good person, to be a good helper, to just be a good human, but ultimately not checked with balance, these become very unhealthy roles

and very unhealthy patterns for relationships. And as we take a moment, I want you to just kind of notice what feels true to you. And here's the truth, healthy relationships, they do require a healthy understanding of who you are.

So if you don't know who you are, how are you gonna know to show, how to best show up in those relationships and how to best be mindful of what you need to say, what you need to not say, what you need to do, what you need to not do.

And when you know who you are, you naturally show up differently. So let's think about that. So as we walk through these roles together, I want you to gently notice where you see yourself.

So as we walk through these roles together, I want you to gently notice and mindfully be aware that you can see yourself, not with judgment, not with shame, not with guilt, but with loving kindness, through the eyes of loving kindness.

Because that's going to help you to have that awareness to make the change that you need to make. Awareness comes before you have change. I always say that you can't change something that you're not aware of.

In many times, these roles, they start out looking like love, looking like empathy, looking like responsibility, sharing responsibility, but they often get distorted over time into these unhealthy ways, unhealthy patterns.

We'll see that just in both the giver and the receiver of whatever love that you're trying to share.

7:23

Relationship Roles Part 1

Let's get into it today. What role are you resigning from?

The first role on my top 10 list, and they're not in any specific order, but the first role that I notice when I'm working with clients in my counseling practice or in my wellness coaching practice with mindset coaching, I notice the rescuer.

So the rescuer feels personally responsible for saving others from pain, from failure, from discomfort, and they often confuse love with sacrifice and obligation, and I have to, and I should, and they operate with this deep sense of urgency.

If I don't step in, so here's the core belief that I notice that comes up with that, and it's if I don't step in, everything is going to fall apart. Does that feel true to you?

The belief, the mindset that if I don't step in, everything will fall apart. So, where does this show up for you? When you think about at home, at work, or in your relationships.

The rescuer. I got to save people from their pain, their failure or discomfort. Number two, the fixer.

The fixer is a highly focused person that's focused on solutions. And they often rush to put in this quick bandaid on the problem instead of sitting with their emotions.

So, have you ever had, have you ever offered unsolicited advice when the other person, all they really wanted was for you just to be present. Not, they don't want you to fix it. They want you to just be present.

Just, they just want to feel seen. They just want to feel heard in their pain, in their discomfort. So, are you the fixer?

This core belief that goes with the fixer is, I am only valuable if I'm solving their problem. Hmm, does that sound familiar? Again, no shame, no guilt.

I want you to find yourself in these, one of these different roles that you're playing in whatever relationship, whether it's work, whether it's family, whether it's friends, and just find ways that you can start to become aware so you can change

that behavior. So, the next one is the caretaker. So, the caretaker, they consistently put others' needs before theirs, before their own needs, before their own well-being, like all those things. And they oftentimes will struggle asking for help.

And they even feel guilty when receiving help. The core belief of the caretaker is, my needs, they're not that important. Does that sound familiar?

Take a moment, check in with you, check in with yourself, check in with your body. Where is this landing for you? Is this totally off base?

Or is it hitting home? So the next one is the peacekeeper. The peacekeeper seeks to avoid conflict at all costs.

And they work super hard to keep things smooth and just, again, peaceful, to avoid the tension, to avoid the stress, to avoid conflict, and sometimes to the extent of becoming a people pleaser.

And they may even try different things to suppress and to quiet down their truth, their truth of knowing, their truth of the situation, their truth of who they are, the truth of all of it.

Out of the fear of losing this false sense of connection, this false sense of approval, this false sense of status, and false because if it was really true, you couldn't do anything to lose the connection. That's what's true.

So the core belief, the core belief that comes with the peacekeeper is that conflict equals loss. Conflict equals loss.

This one, this one for me, the peacekeeper, it hits home for me when I think about my family of origin and five-year-old me, 10-year-old me, 15-year-old me, always trying to keep the peace within my family of origin.

I did everything that I could to avoid conflict, and many times conflict would just seek me out through friends, that I'm in a fight, or with family, I'm in the middle of an argument with trying to keep everybody happy and peaceful.

Through lots of therapy, through some deep reflection, and just having healthier relationships over the years, I have learned to lean into conflict.

I've learned to lean into it with curiosity, so not with a drama field like urgency to chase after conflict, but to lean into it with letting go of this need to be perfect and this need to just control, but just leaning in with curiosity with the

hope that leaning in was going to help to heal the relationship and to bring some true reconciliation. And also for me, with my clients, I see this showing up with making yourself smaller. So making yourself smaller just to keep the peace.

So making yourself invisible, making yourself smaller. So Peacekeeper, does that one sound familiar to you? So the cheerleader, everybody wants to be the cheerleader.

So the cheerleader spends all their energy trying to keep everyone happy, upbeat, hopeful, positive, even while internally they are hurting.

So they wear this, they walk around with this mask to try to protect themselves, to armor themselves up, and just to convince themselves that I'm good, I'm fine, there's nothing wrong. So the core belief of the cheerleader is it's my job.

It's my job to keep things up, be, it's my job to make sure everyone's happy. My dear, that's super codependent. Your happiness and other people's happiness is not dependent upon you.

And if it is, there's a problem. That's an unhealthy balance. And this often shows up when we think about families, especially around the holiday time.

So for you, where do you see the cheerleader showing up in your relationships? And are you the cheerleader? So what scenarios and where do you see that showing up for you?

What relationships?

14:27

Relationship Roles Part 2

Ooh, this is a good one. The strong one. Some people like to wear the strong one as like this role that's like this badge of honor.

So the strong one, they appear to be emotionally stable. They appear to be dependable and self-sufficient, so independent. And they rarely ask others for help.

And they push through points of exhaustion, ignoring all these cues and warning signs in their body of burnout and stress. And their core belief is, I have to be strong. I can't afford to fall apart.

So that's the motto, the core belief of the strong one, is I have to be strong, I can't afford to fall apart. So the listener, so the listener, you can also dub that as the counselor.

So this is the friend, this is the person in your circle that holds space for everyone else, but rarely shares pieces of himself. They're rarely vulnerable.

They can feel, they make themselves appear emotionally invisible and they lose themselves in trying to support everyone else. So the listener, the counselor, their core belief is others need me more than I need support. So they need me, they need me.

So you're always putting everyone else before your needs and not being vulnerable. All right, we're rounding down the list. We're at number eight.

So the protector. So the protector, they over function. They over function by shielding others from discomfort.

They over function by protecting others from their consequences, the hard truths, and the protector, their core belief is it's my job to protect them and it's my job to keep them safe. So where do you see this showing up as the protector?

For me, I see the protector showing up as, especially with parents, I think it's really hard, especially as I'm a parent myself, parent of adult children, and I get it.

It's hard to not want to go into mother, mother bear mode and want to protect, but with parents, I see this happening. Again, even with adult children. Where does this show up for you in your life when you think about the protector?

Are you trying to protect your family member that's struggling with substance use? Are you trying to protect your parents from something that is a hard truth? Are you trying to protect your children?

Are you trying to protect your coworker? Who are you trying to protect and what are you gaining from it? Almost done!

We have two more left. So the people pleaser. So the people pleaser.

This person seeks connection out through looking for approval and looking for validation. They seek their worthiness from others by doing all these things to people please. And they have this strong fear of rejection.

So if they set boundaries, they struggle to say no. They struggle. It's like they're kind of wishy-washy.

And so the core belief of the people pleaser is I'll lose you if I make you upset. Or I'm fearful or I'm scared that I'll lose you if I disappoint you. So I got to try not to disappoint you.

That's exhausting. That is so exhausting trying to work so hard to people please others and one, not pleasing yourself. So let's look at the last one.

We got one more left. So number 10, the spiritual fixer. So the spiritual fixer, they use prayer and they use faith to try to bypass emotional processing and emotional, like just checking in with ourselves.

They use it also sometimes to pass through grief and pass through discomfort without really truly dealing with the issue. And I'm not like bagging down on like faith and, and God, because Lord knows I am a believer and I'm a strong believer in God.

And, and so, so it's not about that, but it's about putting those things into proper perspective. So with the spiritual fixer, they rush to spiritual answers instead of allowing space for honest reflection and uncertainty.

They rush to make a quick judgment or they rush to over spiritualizing something. And instead of leaving space for time to reflect and be honest and check in with themselves, they have no room and no space for, to tolerate uncertainty.

The core belief of the spiritual fixer is, their problem is my responsibility. And so they feel the weight of other people's problems. And again, there's nothing wrong with having a burden to pray and intercede and want to help.

But also, taking it on as your own, like you're making yourself like God. That's out of perspective. The core belief also is that I should be able to fix it by just praying harder.

You can't earn it. You can't earn and wipe away somebody's pain, somebody's discomfort by just praying harder. Yes, you need to pray, but also you need to leave room for God.

You need to leave room for opportunities to play out as they're supposed to, because I believe that all things, no matter how bad it looks, I truly believe that all things work together for the good.

So as bad as it may look, as dark and gloomy as it may look, all things will work together for the good. So you don't have to try to manipulate it and fix it. You just got to trust the process.

Pray, leave it to God, and just trust the process. Do your part.

20:33

Reflection and Action

All right, so that's all 10. So as we wrap up, so let me walk through all 10 again.

So we've got the rescuer, we've got the fixer, the caretaker, the peacekeeper, the cheerleader, the strong one, the listener or counselor, the protector, the people pleaser, and the spiritual fixer.

So as we wrap up today, I want to take a moment just to give you space to reflect. So again, I'm going to do a lot of that and have space for you to do that and hold space for you at the workshop. So you're welcome to join me.

But I just want to give you something that you can do practically like right now. So are you the strong one when you think about for everyone else? Thinking that I need to be that?

Wishing that you could be that for yourself? Thinking that I don't have anybody for me? Are you so afraid to stop doing because you're afraid that you're going to lose a relationship?

Thinking that what if they leave? What if they get mad? What if nobody sees me anymore?

Are you misplacing and mistaking and misunderstanding love for doing? Like that's, you can't earn love. And if you have to earn it, you have to keep doing it to keep it.

So that's not healthy. My dear, we're all wired for connection. So there's nothing, absolutely nothing wrong with loving, loving hard and being empathic.

But sometimes I believe that we go about it all the wrong ways and trying to get those needs met in so many unhealthy ways.

And so these roles that we went through today, it's just my quick list, but these are roles that are often attempts to control the outcome, to control the situation, to control the relationship, to control your identity, to control what people

perceive about you. They're all false attempts to control, and it's unhealthy. And while there's no shame in identifying yourself in any of these roles, there is growth opportunities when you can learn how to be aware and take some steps to change.

If you need help, get a coach. I'm happy to help. I'm a mindset coach and I'm a licensed counselor, so I'm happy to help you get to the right path and help you to get some skills to get there.

But I want you to think about, the truth is healthy people will never punish you for taking care of yourself. Because they too, they know how to honor themselves. They know how to have balance.

They know how to have healthy boundaries, and they know how to practice maintaining their energy.

As we close up today, if you found yourself nodding through some of these different roles, these different archetypes that you want to resign from, thinking that, wow, that's me. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to first give yourself grace.

So first and foremost, give yourself grace. Then I want you to just pause. Pause and to reflect so you can make a note of, this is something that I want to focus on.

This is a goal that I have, that I want to work on and do better with, and have better balance with in my relationships. So sometimes I think we wonder like, why do I keep attracting the same people?

Well, one, maybe you're doing the same unhealthy habits that's attracting the same type of people. So sometimes we, many times we attract out of this unmet need that we throw out this energy out there.

So choose to show up differently, choose to show up differently, even if you have to reset today, and multiple times during the day. Choose to show up differently by changing what you think, and that way you can start to change how you show up.

For those who are interested in signing up for the Mindfully You Wellness Workshop, I'm offering a bonus also. So the bonus will be a downloadable resource that will be tied to today's episode, and it will be a sneak peek into what it will be.

It will be an affirmation card deck, which will be like a sneak peek, and I'm creating that for to help you to reframe these core beliefs that we talked about today.

So again, you can sign up for the Daring Well Workshop at www.daringwell.com/workshop. So it's mindfully you, www.daringwell.com/workshop. And next week, we're going to go deeper into boundaries.

We're going to take a look at balance and making our healthier, making healthier conscious choices. So be more mindful with our choices and our relationships. And as I wrap up today, I want to leave you with this encouragement.

So at some point in our lives, all of these roles that we've fallen into or gotten pigeon-holed into, again, with no shame, they helped us to survive. So if they helped us to survive, they helped us to get to this point.

But if we want to go further, these roles, these are roles of survival, these are roles that we just did, just enough just to get by. But we need to do something different.

So I encourage you that you don't always have to stay stuck in those unhealthy patterns. You can choose to do something different. You can choose to be healthy.

All right, my dear, that's all for today's episode. Wishing you a beautiful day, my dear. Until next time, keep living, keep loving, and keep daring well.

Take care, my dear. God bless. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of The Daring Well Podcast.

If you enjoyed today's episode and want to continue exploring the world of holistic wellness, be sure to subscribe to The Daring Well Podcast, so you never miss an episode filled with transformative conversations and actionable advice.

Thank you again for being part of The Daring Well Podcast community. Together, let's dare to live well in mind, body, and spirit.