Boundary Reframes: What Roles Are You Resigning From? (Part 2)

What roles are you resigning from?

In this heartfelt continuation of last week’s conversation, Rita invites you to pause, breathe, and reflect on the unassigned roles you may have stepped into—roles that are no longer serving who you are or what you need in this season of life.

Many of us find ourselves exhausted, overwhelmed, and emotionally drained—not because we are doing too much, but because we are doing what was never ours to carry. From being the rescuer, fixer, peacekeeper, or strong one, these roles often come from a place of love, fear, or survival—but over time, they can cost us our peace, clarity, and sense of self.

In this episode, Rita walks you through powerful boundary reframes for ten common unassigned relationship archetypes, offering compassion, truth, and practical practices to help you release what no longer fits. You’ll be reminded that you are more than a role, more than what you do for others, and worthy simply because you exist.

This episode is an invitation to let go, create space, and choose healthier relationships—with others and with yourself.

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💛 Key Takeaways

• You can care deeply without over-functioning or taking over
• Healthy relationships require reciprocity, not self-sacrifice
• Speaking truth creates deeper peace than silence
• Asking for help is a sign of humanity, not weakness
• Boundaries create space for love without depletion

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🎁 Bonus Resource

For those who sign up for the Mindfully You Wellness Workshop, Rita is offering a bonus downloadable affirmation card deck designed to help reframe core beliefs connected to boundaries and self-worth.

👉 Sign up at www.DaringWell.com/workshop

Transcript

Welcome to The Daring Well Podcast with Rita Mercer. What roles are you resigning from? What roles are you resigning from this year, my dear?

Today is a new day. This is a new day. And if you have breath in your lungs, I want you to take a deep breath, and I want you to give thanks for that breath that's in your lungs.

It's a new day, and that means it's a fresh start. You can let go of all those things that was weighing you down, that was burdening your heart, your mind, your spirit, and let those things go.

Let those things go to know that you can have more energy, more peace, more time, more freedom, to reach for all the new things that's on the other side of that stress and that busyness. So what roles are you going to resign from?

So let me ask you again, what roles are you resigning from? My dear, if you want something different, you have to be willing to do something different. So what things are you doing that's no longer serving you?

And I want to remind you that all relationships, they're reciprocal. So in healthy relationships, it is healthy to expect something in return. So many times in relationships, it's not a 50-50.

Sometimes it might look like 60-40. Sometimes it might look like 80-20. The truth is, for many of us, we've gotten too comfortable with getting less in return.

So I'm curious, why are you giving 100%, 110%, and you're only getting back in return 10%? So you're giving 100%, but you're only getting back 10? There's something wrong with that equation.

So whether it be at work, whether it be in social relationships, in friendships, in family dynamics, in your community, where in these different pockets of relationships are you giving more and getting less in return consistently? Where?

Just check in with yourself. Where is that happening? And if you're not getting much in return and you feel like consistently your needs are not getting met, then I need to ask you, why the heck are you doing it?

Let today be your permission slip to stop it. Stop doing that role, whatever role that you were finding yourself in. And if we're being honest, many times we're doing a role that no one, no one asked you to do.

You're just jumping in just because you feel really good being the peacemaker. You feel really good when you're the fixer. You feel really good when you're being the helper.

But the truth is nobody asked you to do that. Nobody asked you. And many times, even if they did ask you, it's not your role.

All the while, you're left feeling empty. You're left feeling disregarded, drained, frustrated, and neglected.

So if you missed last week's episode, I encourage you to go back and watch that one because today's episode, it's going to be a continuation of our conversation from last week.

And last week, we talked about, and which we're going to talk about today, many roles that we somehow have found ourselves in that no longer fit. They no longer fit who we are. They no longer fit who we want to be.

They no longer fit what we need in this season of our life. So today, it's my hope that you walk away feeling the truth of who you are. I hope that you know that you are more than a role.

You are more than what you do and what you don't do for someone. You are worthy. You are worthy because of who you are right now and in this moment.

So what role are you resigning from? Remember, there's no shame if you find yourself in one or more of these roles. The growth opportunity, it comes when you can put on your big girl panties or your big guy underwear and acknowledge.

Acknowledge the good, acknowledge the bad, acknowledge the ugly, and then choose to do something different. Choose to make healthier choices. All right.

You ready? Let's get into it. So we're going to talk about boundary refrains for the roles that we need to let go of, the roles that we need to resign from.

Today, I want to briefly walk you through some healthy boundary refrains just to support you and to give you language, to give you framework, to give you a permission slip just to let go of the many hats that you've been wearing, all the many roles

that you have fell into. The Rescuer. So the Rescuer, that old unhealthy pattern was the person that stepped in and saving everyone else from discomfort, from pain, from failure.

And I want you to learn how to reframe that boundary setting and to have less guilt by saying, I can care without having to take over. Say that one again. I can care without having to take over.

So I don't have to be the Rescuer.

What I want you to practice this week, I want you to practice pausing before you jump in to help and try to rescue and ask yourself, was I even invited into this or did I just jump in and I seen them drowning and I want, I just felt this urge, this

need to jump in and rescue them. So check in with yourself. Which one is it? Did they ask me to help or was I just jumping in because I felt this urge, this need to always rescue them from their pain, from their discomfort?

The fixer, the fixer, their old boundary, their old unhealthy habit was being overly focused on solving everyone else's problems, but being unable to sit with the emotion.

So kind of rushing past the emotion, like kind of, let's put a quick band-aid on it, let's just get over it.

So what I want you to practice with this boundary reframe, again, ways that you can kind of lean into the truth of yourself, the truth of the relationship is learn to be present.

Learn to be present and know that that is the biggest gift that you can ever give. The person on the other side, they really don't need a solution in this moment. In this moment, they just need to feel seen, they just need to feel heard.

Can you do that? Can you just let that person know that they're seen and heard and just be present without trying to be the fixer? So this week, I want you to practice.

And if you don't know what to do, just ask, just ask, ask them, do you need support? Or are you just looking for solutions? So sometimes people, their support looks like just being present.

And so check it in. Sometimes you just need to ask what they need. They might say, hey, you know what?

I don't need, I don't need money, I just need you to listen. Can you do that? So find what's a good healthy balance for you.

The caretaker. So the caretaker, they prioritize others' needs above their own. So I want you to reframe that boundary in your mind, in your heart, in your spirit, that I don't have the emotional bandwidth right now.

And that's okay. My needs matter too. What I want you to practice is delaying your response.

So that might look like learning to meet one of your needs first and foremost before jumping in to care and be the caregiver and caretaker for someone else. Can you do that for you? The peacekeeper.

So with the peacekeeper, they avoid conflict at all costs, just trying to keep the peace for all tints and purposes, they're just trying to keep the peace. With this boundary reframe, I want you to think about that we're no longer doing that.

I'm no longer trying to keep the peace. Maybe right now I'm trying to disturb the peace because I'm tired of being quiet. I'm tired of taking the back seat.

Now I want you to create space for truth. I want you to call out whatever that fear is. So if it's fear that they'll leave, if it's fear that they won't love you anymore, if it's fear that they'll go, let all that go.

That is what's getting in the way of you having healthy relationships with yourself and with others. Instead, I want you just to acknowledge that truth is the pathway to true peace. So truth is the pathway to true peace.

And truth is what creates deeper peace, deeper meaning, not keeping the silence, not trying to be fake, because that's exactly what's happening, but trying, and trying not to be seen, trying not to be heard in the effort, again, to try to keep peace.

This week, I want you to practice, I want you to think about one way that you can name at least one feeling without over explaining, without over apologizing. Just be honest, and name those feelings.

If you catch yourself going back into that old habit, I want you to give yourself grace, and I want you to do it again. I want you to do it again, and come back and speak the truth in love, and name the feeling that you're struggling with.

Name the truth of what you see happening in this relationship. Again, with love, speak the truth in love. Don't be all bitter and create a bunch of drama.

Alright, so that's the Peacekeeper. I want you to try to do differently. The Cheerleader.

So the cheerleader, that old unhealthy habit was always trying to keep everyone else happy and keeping things positive while inwardly they were feeling pain, they were feeling emotional pain and physical pain.

And I want you to reframe that boundary to I'm tired of wearing a mask. So as you think about this, I'm tired of wearing the mask, I'm tired of performing, I don't have to always be happy in order to be loved, in order to feel worthy.

I want you to practice this week to allow yourself to be vulnerable, allow yourself to be open, especially with safe people and in safe spaces. Even when it feels messy, I want you to own your truth without trying to put on a show.

You don't have to be the cheerleader today. Resign from that role. The strong one.

The strong one, that unhealthy habit was instead of always saying I got it, I'm the strong one so I got it. I don't need anyone else's help. I can go at it alone.

I want you to reframe that boundary and that motivation for setting the boundary, that true strength, it lies in being open and being vulnerable.

Open and vulnerable enough to acknowledge that I'm out, I'm at capacity right now, I don't got it, I do need help.

And I want you to acknowledge that helping, asking for help, and receiving help, it doesn't make you less worthy, it doesn't make you weak, actually it makes you strong. Asking for help, it literally makes you human.

We are all created for connection and community. So this week, I want you to practice letting someone support you in a small way.

So maybe start allowing someone at the grocery store, for example, just to help you find something instead of thinking, hey, I don't want to be a bother. It's okay to take up space. It is okay to take up space.

The listener, the counselor, I see how you love to hold space for others. But I also see how you rarely feel worthy to receive that same space that you give to others. So I want you to reframe how you're going to set the boundary.

So this is reframing the mindset and the motivation by saying, I'm not invisible, my voice matters, I deserve space to, and I want you to practice being vulnerable. Again, with safe people and in safe spaces, I want you to share pieces of yourself.

So if you're wondering, like, what do I share? Things like, things you dislike, things you like, your hobbies, your favorite food, your favorite restaurants, and just start at the small things and build on that.

But allow the things that you care about matter. Allow the things that hurt you, allow that to be shown, allow that to matter. Allow your wounds to be shown, be cared for, to be loved for.

Allow that to matter. So if you're the protector, I want you to resign from that role and stop trying to shield and protect others from their discomfort and from taking responsibility.

And I want you to reframe that mindset and having the motivation for this healthy boundary that it's not my responsibility. If I keep protecting them, they will never learn and they will never grow.

And I'm sure you've heard the saying, if you give a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. If you teach a man a fish, he'll eat for a lifetime. And so I want you to remember that you can learn when and when not to to take responsibility.

Let that be your new positive belief. I can learn when and when not to take responsibility. So this week, I want you to practice resisting the urge to get involved.

Unless there's safety, like for me, safety is what trumps it all. So, and again, you can't be the rescuer and the protector and the helper for everybody.

But if there's safety, I think that's a measure that you need to find some way that you can be of help. But I want you to resist the urge to get involved unless there's safety or unless someone else's safety is involved.

And so, and also if you find that you're always jumping in because of it's a safety issue, then there in lies another issue. Why are they always in things that are jeopardizing their safety or someone else's safety? That's an unhealthy relationship.

That's an unhealthy tie. That's an unhealthy bond to that person. So are you ready to resign from being a people pleaser?

So being a people pleaser means that you're seeking out love, that you're seeking out connection, that you're seeking out worthiness by doing things to get approval and validation.

Instead, I want you to learn how to reframe that boundary and that mindset and that motivation for setting that healthy boundary in that relationship by remembering that saying no, that does not equal rejection. Saying no does not equal rejection.

But I want you to practice having a neutral no. So no, that does not work for me. Or no thanks, or I'm at my limit, I don't have the capacity.

One of my favorite ones is I'm tapped out, I don't got it. I'm sorry. That's it.

We've made it to number 10, the spiritual fixer. So the spiritual fixer, they take on everyone else's pain. So I want you to resign from that, my dear.

Resign from taking on everyone else's pain. Resign from having to feel responsible for their growth, their healing. I want you to instead reframe that boundary to my sadness, it can't take away their pain.

But I can learn to be supportive without having to carry that emotional load. I can also learn that it's not my role. That's what God is for.

My role is to be a good friend. My role is just to be a good human and just to be present. Instead, I want you to practice this week just to release.

Practice releasing and letting it go. Learning that you're not in charge of the outcome. The outcome is not within your control.

So you can't manipulate it to make it happen a certain way. It's going to play out the way it needs to. And I want you to practice learning to trust the process.

Learning to trust the process of love and time. Those are the things that helps to heal. For many of these, I can speak with such boldness because I was in many of those roles.

And honestly, a lot of us can fall into those roles at many different times in our lives.

So whether it be at work, whether it be in our friendships, whether it be in our community, in our church, in our family, we found ourselves in some of these different roles. And that's just by way of life.

But for me, I can speak with bonus because I've been there, I've done that. And I just want to share some love and wisdom with you. I'll never forget when my daughter was about 12 or 13 or so at the time.

And she was saying, Mom, why are you always trying to put all the puzzle pieces back together? And I'm like, what are you talking about?

But what she could see through her young eyes, with such wisdom, she could see that I was struggling with this idea that my marriage was coming to an end because of my husband's infidelity. Those days of being a single mom was so hard.

It was so hard. But thank God I made it through, and my kids survived, and I survived. But I want you to remember, like, kids are so smart.

And my daughter at that time, she, well, she's still super smart. But kids, thinking back, I think about how kids are just, they, they are so sure, they're not jaded by life, but they're so sure by speaking the truth without a filter.

And honestly, what she said was really true. My, my first thought, my first mom brain thought was, little girl, who are you talking to? Stop being disrespectful.

But in my soul, deep within my soul, I felt the truth of those words. And I couldn't hide from that. So I took a deep breath, talked to myself, chilled myself out, and said, you know what, baby girl, you're right.

And in that moment, I resigned from being a puzzle fixer. The puzzle put together, the fixer for the family and the cheerleader to make every day everybody happy. I resigned from all of that because emotionally, I didn't have it to give.

And so in those moments, what I like to call are teachable moments. And so life will give you many teachable moments. The truth is, what are you going to do with those moments?

Are you going to let those moments just keep repeating and never learning the lesson?

Are you going to choose to learn from those moments and let it truly be a teachable moment, a teachable opportunity that you can learn and grow and find healthy relationships with the one you have or find new relationships?

When I think back, I not only wanted to talk a good game, but I wanted to live it. I wanted to be a model. I wanted to be a woman that she could be proud of, but I also wanted to be a woman that I could look in the mirror and be proud of.

Even when my world was falling apart, that's what I wanted to be proud of. That's what I wanted to have as the truth that I left with my daughter. So, my dear, these words from this episode, again, they're not just mere words.

I'm telling you some things. I'm dropping in some gems. If you will, some of life's many teachable moments that I have learned along the way.

And I'm a firm believer in education. Each one can teach one. And that's the power of unity.

That's the power of community. As we wrap up today, I want you to remember that boundaries, they're not walls. They are just meant to provide clarity.

Clarity for both you, clarity for the other person. Brené Brown, she says it like this, being clear is kind. I think that's what she says.

Being clear is kind. And so when boundaries are done well, they're meant to provide space. Space to grow, space to heal, space to protect your needs, and space to love the things, the people, to love them well.

To love those things that matter to you most and to let that be true. So what role are you going to resign from? What's the reason that you're having that boundary?

I think you need to be honest with yourself because that's what's going to make you keep the boundary. And don't just do it out of hatred and bitterness and all the feelings, but being honest of going deeper of like why.

And so can you share some of those with me? So can you leave it in the comments? Can you email me at info at daringwell.com?

I'd love to hear it. I'd love for everyone to share in the comments so everyone could be vulnerable, so everyone can learn and grow from one another. So yeah, drop it in the comments wherever you're here in this episode and just to share.

What were your takeaways from today? What was helpful? What boundaries are you setting?

What roles are you choosing to let go of and resign from? What are you choosing to do differently? Share those with me in the comments.

I want to hear them. All right, we're going to start to wrap up. I just want to remind you that clarity, it gives you space to grow.

This week, I dare you to practice at least one of these new healthy habits that we talked about so that you can invite in more balance, more healthy boundaries into your relationships with others and the relationship that you have with yourself.

For those who have signed up for them, there's still time. You can still sign up for the Mindfully You Wellness Workshop. I'll be offering a downloadable resource that will be tied to today's episode and last week's episode.

It's going to be an affirmation card deck. It's going to help you to have a takeaway to reframe some of these positive, some of these beliefs into positive beliefs.

You can sign up, you can still register for the online workshop at daringwell.com/workshop.

In the workshop, we'll be talking about setting healthy goals, setting healthy boundaries, giving you time to reflect and journal, and giving you time to do some coping skills. All right, that's it for today's episode.

Wishing you a beautiful day, my dear. Until next time, keep living, keep loving, and keep daring well. Take care, my dear.

God bless. Bye. Thank you so much for joining me on today's episode of The Daring Well Podcast.

If you enjoyed today's episode and want to continue exploring the world of holistic wellness, be sure to subscribe to The Daring Well Podcast so you never miss an episode filled with transformative conversations and actionable advice.

Thank you again for being part of the Daring Well Podcast community. Together, let's dare to live well in mind, body, and spirit.