The Drama Triangle and Why It's So Addicting! | Ep #14

The Drama Triangle. What is it?  What role do we play in it? Why do we get so stuck in it? In this episode, we discuss all the ways we enter drama and how simple it is to get out. Simple, but not easy.

1. The role of Victim. Perhaps one of the most widely used roles in the Drama Triangle! Why do we play victim? When do we play victim? How does being the victim benefit us? These are all hard questions to answer sometimes, and most of the time, we don’t like the answers once we do.
2. The role of Persecutor. Any time we find ourselves blaming or shaming another person or situation, we are entering the Drama Triangle by way of persecuting someone else for our own triggers.  It’s a natural defense mechanism that happens very quickly and often escalates in a matter of seconds. Pointing fingers at someone… using the word “You…” to begin every sentence… Blaming and shaming are all signs you’ve entered the Drama Triangle and are in full EGO mode.
3. The role of Rescuer.  For many people who are especially empathic or supportive, this is an easy role that leads you straight into the Drama Triangle. You LOVE to rescue people from their own suffering or mistakes. You step in uninvited and ready to solve all of their issues. The way this often plays out is the other person gets upset and offended when you try to fix them… or their situation… and lash out at you for doing so. They become the persecutor, you then become the victim, “I was just trying to help!”

ARGUMENTS usually play out between a victim and persecutor. They enter a huge power struggle and won’t back away because they are convinced one is right and the other is wrong. Neither are capable from inside the Drama Triangle to recognized they are indeed part of the problem. They feel justified and vindicated in their actions.

How to step away from the Drama Triangle?  First, pause and do not react. This is the hardest part. Then, second, accept what is. Name it. What is happening right now? What am I feeling about what is happening? In what ways have I experienced this feeling in the past? What do I need right now to calm myself? Why do I feel the need to defend or protect myself?  Once you have done that, surrender to whatever is happening. Don’t give up and walk away, but surrender. Let go of the outcome and tell yourself, “This person is hurting too. I wonder what is going on that would have him/her react to me like that.”  Be in inquiry. Recognize that most often, it isn’t about you even if they make it about you. Remind yourself that you are okay, and you can keep the focus on the other without rescuing them from the situation.

This is obviously a DEEP and COMPLEX topic. But we loved diving into the thick of it!  Let us know your thoughts and experiences with stepping away from the drama in your life!