Mental Load of the Holidays (tips & resources to help)

We all know the holidays can bring with them joy and merriment... and a mountain of additional mental load!

In this episode I provide actionable strategies you can do to better navigate this time of year.

Additionally, to help you, I've created some guides, lists, and trackers to give you a hand managing the mental load this holiday season.

Resources:
Mental Load Bundle (all of the below in one link)
Gift Guides
Holiday Family Connection List
Hosting Prep Cheat Sheet
Gift List & Tracker

Accommodations as a Neurodivergent Family episode

Coaching:
Learn more about coaching HERE
Book an intro call HERE
Join the Group Coaching Waitlist HERE

Thank you for listening!

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Coaching and free resources:
AttemptingMotherhood.com

Disclaimer: I am not a doctor, medical professional, or mental health professional.
I am sharing my lived experience. If you relate to any of the content in these episodes, do your own research and speak to a medical professional if needed.
There are free resources available in my links:
 https://linktr.ee/samattemptsmotherhood

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Transcript

 All right friends. Let's talk about the mental load of the holidays. Now, this has been big talk recently for the last couple of years, and I say, Thank God, and we need more of it. But with things like fair play coming out, which if you don't know, is the book and also deck of cards where you and your partner essentially sit down, you look at all of the. Load 

of running a house and if your parents being a parent and et cetera, and you try and find a more equitable division and now keep in mind, this doesn't always mean 50 50, because it's going to depend on your circumstances. Maybe one partner works. Full time and one works. Part-time. Everyone is going to be different. 

The division is going to look different among all of us, but I am so thankful that this conversation is being talked about. One area that I think we need to bring front of mind though, is what goes on during the holidays. And as we're going into Christmas and Hanukkah and all of the other holidays and festive season, I think it's kind of accentuated, but yes, this does also happen with things like birthdays and.

those other holidays where you tend to give gifts. So. 

I have attempted to help you a little bit with the mental load by creating some downloadable guides that you can. 

Get. they're linked in the show notes. I have a guide. To help you keep track. If you're hosting. I have a guide to keep track of gifts, including for all of us with ADHD. A spot to put where you have hid them, because how many times have you put something in a very, very special place?  And then you can't remember what that special place is. 



I also have a list of family connection activities that you can do. 

If that's something that you want to be a little bit more mindful and intentional. About this holiday season. Like I am, 

I've shared a fair bit on my social media, about things we have done and things that we are continuing to do.

And if you don't know, my daughter is three and a half. This is our first Christmas where we're not traveling since she was a baby. first Christmas was home when she was nine months old. 

So obviously she doesn't really remember that one. The last two Christmases we have traveled for. This Christmas with us staying home. I really wanted to be extra intentional about making it special, but keeping in mind my capacity and my partner's capacity. I needed to do it mindfully to where we weren't going to burn ourselves out, making. Cookies every single day and doing crafts every single day. 

So while those are all things we are doing. We are also balancing it with some of the times it's just having. Uh, holiday movie night or watching, uh, 

Christmas special. You know, like where they seeing him perform Christmas songs. 

Everyone's going to have. Different traditions and different things that they do to make this season special for their family. Different traditions that you want to bring forward. I obviously have talked in previous episodes about.  Again, really being mindful and questioning all of the traditions that you do. 

Like, is this something that you're doing because you really enjoy it and you actually want to do it. Or is it just something that you're doing because you've always done it. And you feel like you have to. So, as I said in that episode,



which which again, I will link in the show notes. 

It's holiday accommodations as a neurodivergent family. In that I talk about traditions being one of those accommodations you may or may not be making. 

But let's talk about. The mental load that comes with the holidays. So. If you have children. Since this is a podcast talking a lot about motherhood. I am just going to make that broad assumption that you do. If you don't, there's still going to be plenty of information applicable, but I'm just going to assume. That there are children in your life. 

Obviously gift giving is a big part of the mental load of the holidays. And.  I think a lot of us can agree that that more often than not falls on the mom. Here's another big assumption I'm making. If you're listening to this podcast, your more likely than not neurodivergent. 

Which means we can already struggle to keep up with the juggle of the mental load. And when you intensify that around the holidays and add in all of the extra things that we need to keep track of. Again, it can be something that we struggle with. I'm not saying we don't do it. I'm not saying that. We might not ACE it. 

I'm saying it is something that we might struggle with.  So one of the things, and I feel like this is pretty obvious, but I'm going to say it. To keep it front of mind, communicate, communicate, communicate, communicate. With your partner with your support, people with your extended family, anyone who is involved in this, especially with gift-giving. Especially with the gift aspect, communicate.  So one thing that my partner and I have done, we have a shared note. 

So in the notes app, in my phone, I created a note. And have added him to that. And we we both have access to where we can add things and not.  That shared note. We have a few of them. This one in particular is around Christmas presents. we've made a list for things we're getting our daughter. We also. Have categories for each of us. 

We have a family gift that we get, like for us all, as a family, and then we have listed the names of extended family that we need to be getting gifts for. 

Not only is this a great way to communicate? And be on the same page about what the gifts are, but you can also add an option to tick them off. Once they've been purchased. You can also. 

In their ad. The hiding spot is, or like I said, I have a guide, if if you would prefer to use this as an editable. PDF or.

Plain old fashion. Pen and paper.

Another thing that has really helped us with getting on the same page and not overbuying keeping ourselves in check is using Amazon. Obviously my partner and I have a joint Amazon account. And as we would think of things, as we would discuss things through.

The time leading up to Christmas. We would add things to the cart, not actually buy them, just add them to the cart. And then we found a time.

In late November where we could sit down and we could go through and we could be again. Intentional and aware of what we were actually buying.

And then we purchased the things. 

So with this strategy and some of the other ones that I've outlined in the guides that I've made for you. I'm recording this on the 5th of December and we are done. We heard done with shopping. Small caveat. Yes. I still have to handmade. Things that I need to make for her, but because the stress of the shopping is done. And all of it is already delivered or going to be delivered this week. 

 I know that now I can actually take my time and make those handmade things the way that I want to,  as long as I don't do the typical ADHD procrastinate to the very last minute. But again, Using some of the strategies and my guides, I have outlined a timeline for them

 so, if you are someone who uses Amazon, I have created gift guides to help take a little bit of the overwhelm out of shopping

and to give you some ideas for the neurodivergent folks in your life. I've broken it down into categories. So you can shop either by price point. Or in the kid section, which. Is absolutely full of tons of options. 



I have narrowed that also into two separate categories. 

You can look through the whole kid section if you want. Or you can look based on sensory profile. There's a section for sensory seekers and there's a section for sensory avoiders. If you happen to have a massive sensory seeker like I do, you may also be getting some version of a trampoline, which we are.  And something else on my sensory seeker list. If you happen to have more of a sensory avoider. Maybe you're looking more at a bed tent. And a galaxy light.

But as with the other guides. The link to that is in the show notes and to be as absolutely helpful as possible. I have made. Uh, mental load bundle where it is all of the guides in one link. So when you look at the show notes, you can either pick and choose what you want or you can get absolutely all of them in the bundle. 

If you do decide to download all the things that I am talking about in today's episode.



And along the presence. Here's the thing. Especially if you have ADHD, because Lord knows we love an impulse buy and we can't help it. But especially when you get wrapped up in the season. And you think about how much your child would love opening. This said thing. We can overbuy. We can greatly greatly over by, and this is further compounded. 

If you had.

Maybe less than ideal holiday experiences when you were a child. And you're kind of trying to vicariously rectify that. For your own child. So that is like a whole sidebar, but something that I want you to consider. Is looking at what holidays were like Christmas Hanukkah, et cetera, for you as a child. And then thinking about.

Your actions now as an adult, again, if you were someone who let's say.

Maybe didn't come from a very well-off family and Christmas was something where you might've only got one or two things. Is that adding now to your tendency to over buy. 

Because you're trying to make up for that. Like I said, that's a whole sidebar. We don't need to go.  Super into that, but just something to keep in mind. So with the presents again, between you and your partner or you and your support people. Something that you could do is pick an amount either. This is a financial amount or, uh, you know, we're going to get these amount of presents. And stick to it. Now here's where a temptation comes in. 

You're going to be tempted. Absolutely. You're going to see something. And like I said, you're going to go, oh my God, my kid would love that. They probably would. But, you know, why. If they walk out there. Let's say Christmas morning and they have 60 things. It's probably going to be overwhelming.

And if it's doing something like going on the credit card, which is then going to create issues of debt and et cetera, down the line.  Let's have our little stop point for ourselves in that moment. 

And think like, I have already committed to this set amount or, you know, you and your partner, we have already committed to this set amount. We are going to stick to it. And other things might go on the list for future holidays, say their birthday or whatever else might be coming up. Or if you're a family, who's not really like. Strict about gifts that might just come sometime in January or February or whatever. 

And then another strategy that a lot of people do to avoid overbuying for stuff. Is using the categories like they get.

Something to wear something, to read something, to play with it, et cetera. That's something else that you can do to kind of keep your self in check and you know what, here also let me completely contradict myself. If you feel like, and you have the budget to do so, go completely gung ho. And buy every single thing that you see that you think your kid would like. Do it.  I'm just trying to help you. Keep that little side of us in check a little bit and also avoid what surely coming post holiday is going to be this influx in things in your house, which can add to your own overwhelm. Of trying to keep them tidy, trying to keep everything organized. 

It's additional things. So there might be visual clutter that's being added to  but. 

Think about that. Anything coming into your house is going to be something that you have to take care of. It is going to be something that pulls from your capacity. Your time. Uh, energy, et cetera. Is this item, something that you want to take care of?

And when we are communicating with our partner or anyone else involved in. All of the holiday mental load. Let's look at what we can delegate because a lot of the times I think we hold on to the mental load and we hold onto control because one, we know we will do it the best and we are going to do it absolutely the way we want it. 

And sometimes. Speaking from experience. Sometimes it feels like more effort to explain the thing or how you would want it done than it is to actually do it yourself. But that doesn't actually do us any favors in the long run. And again, it just draws from our capacity. So what can you delegate? And here's, here's the kicker and my friend, I know this will be a challenge because it's a challenge for me.  Once you delegate that.  It's out of your hands. And you have to be okay with that. 

What you get in return?  Is freeing up. Of your mental load of your time and energy and capacity.

But.  Like I said, you have to be okay. With once you've delegated.  That's in whoever's hands. You've delegated it to, so let's take, for example, I was recently talking to someone in my group coaching program. They're going away for the holidays. And so we talked about, okay, can you make a list of.  All the stuff that you have to take, all the stuff that entails getting you and your family from your house to this other location. And can you delegate some of those things? And when you do that.  In this situation, it was to her husband. 

I say, you have to let go of control. So it is not as you're getting ready to pull out of the driveway. Checking with your husband. Have you got this? Have you got this? Have you got this? Have you got this? Because that's not freeing up time. Energy capacity for you. That's still residing in the back of your mental load garage. Instead. You had it off to husband. And then husband again, in this situation deals with the consequences. 

If he. Has not. Fulfilled all of the things on the list that he was delegated. And again, I know as someone who really values control.  And really values doing things a certain way. That might like put your heart in your throat. Because I get it. I feel that sometimes. But. 



What did we say? The flip side is it is freeing up time, energy, and capacity for you to do other things. 

And you know, why those other things. Might just be giving yourself a little bit of downtime. Or they might be filled with some other thing, as we know, as mothers. The list never stops. But. 

Hi digress. When we delegate.  We just need to be okay with the fact that someone might do it differently. They might forget things.  And all the rest of it. 

So, like I said, to help you in all of this, I'm going to put them in the show notes. I have created a gift list, cheat sheet. So this is where you can add everyone. You need to get gifts for. What the gift is. And. 

Where the hiding place is. 

I have also created a holiday family connection list. This is over 60 activities. Both climates included. So whether you are in summertime holiday season or in the sick of snow holiday season, There is something for you.  Everything on there is free or very low cost.

And they're things like I said, that you can just be a little bit more intentional instead of running yourself, ragged, trying to do all the things and tick all the boxes this holiday season to make sure it's extra special. You can sit down with your family. And decided in that list, in that holiday family connection list, there's two options of how you can present it. 

There's one that's laid out like a calendar where you can literally schedule things. Or if you're more of a list, people. There's just a list. One, in addition to that, as a little bonus within that  is a favorites tracker. So you can write down all of your favorite holiday. TV shows and movies as well as songs.

And then the last little cheat sheet that I have made to try and help you to try and take some of that mental load.

Away. Is a hosting prep, cheat sheet. So this is if you're hosting any point during the holidays, honestly, it can be used outside of holidays as well. 

But I've broken it down to help you. Plan the meals plan, the cleaning that needs to happen. In all the different spaces in your house. If you're hosting. 

Again, there is a task list. So this is again, where can you delegate? What can you delegate? And when you delegate, you have to be okay with what happens. When that person does the task their way. 

And then at the end, there is also the option of a little calendar grid where. You can plan out your food prep. So this is my biggest tip for the holidays. My God, 

if I could tell you nothing else. If you are hosting the actual day, Make as much of the food ahead of time, as you can. I know again, that might sound. Like common sense, but. We know. Especially when time blindness is involved. You think about it and you mean to, and then the day comes and you go, oh,  I meant to make the pie last week. 

I meant to make the rolls yesterday and everything just kind of.  

Comes to a head. 

So I'll have a little calendar grid where you can lay out your food preparation going into. The holidays. And then also a cleaning and home preparation. Of course, some things you're going to be doing the day of your guests arriving, obviously. But some things let's say, for example, something I've done in the past. 

If you have a dedicated spare room, There is nothing stopping you from. Today. 

Uh, 

Washing and putting fresh linen on the bed. Getting the room ready and then closing the door and knowing that that task is done until your guests arrive.

So these are all things that I've created for free that you can easily go and download. Yes, you will have to provide your email, but that is so that I can actually send you. 

The links to download these, I host them on a Google drive and then you can download them as a PDF.

That you can then edit digitally or print off. And again, traditional pen and paper.

And before I close out here, I just want to quickly remind you.

If you're not on my email list and you haven't kind of seen me announced the changes to coaching next year.

2025, which it feels weird that that's in like a couple of weeks, but it is going to bring with it.  Quite a lot of changes for me and coaching.  Intention, my group coaching program, which I have had all of this year and I have loved so much. That's finishing in December that is not going to exist next year. Instead, I'm shifting the model and we are going to very small group coaching. 

I'm capping it at five. I'm going to have various time slots. 

And in the group coaching sessions, , it will be laid out like a hot seat session to where each person gets. A dedicated time of one-on-one where you can bring whatever it is that you are wanting to work through that session. And the upside of it being group one, obviously it is more affordable than one-on-one. Full sessions. But also as neurodivergent mothers, we all have similar struggles and challenges. 

Yes. Our specifics might be different, but.  In this group, you're going to learn from. Other people situations. 

You're going to connect with other people who are in similar life. Phases and similar situations of being neurodivergent mothers, maybe also having neurodivergent children. 

And. 

You still get. Some one-on-one time during the session. In addition to these small groups, I am actually going to start taking one-on-one clients. This is where you get the full session to yourself.

And again, we can work through whatever it is you would like.

As with everything else I've talked about. I've put. 

Links in the show notes. If you want to learn more about coaching, if you want to book an intro call or send me an email, if you prefer. 

We can have a bit of a chat 

about how coaching might be something that. 

You work into your 2025.   As always, I thank you so much for listening. All of the free resources are in the show notes. So head there, pick them up. Let me help you with some of the mental load, the this holiday season. And as a reminder, Communicate communicate, communicate. No one can read your mind. We would love them to.  It would be amazing. That technology doesn't exist yet. 

So we must communicate our needs, our wants, et cetera. 

 And for now, I hope you have a wonderful rest of your day.