Leadership Mirror: What Your Team Reflects Back to You

In this episode, we’re stepping up to a different kind of mirror, the one held by your team. Because whether you notice it or not, the people you lead are constantly reflecting something back to you: your patterns, your presence, your blind spots, your strengths, and the emotional climate you create.

This isn’t about judgment. It’s about awareness.
It’s about understanding that leadership isn’t just what you intend, it’s what you produce in the people around you.

So today, we’re diving into:

• what your team’s behavior reveals about your leadership
• how to read the reflections you’ve been avoiding
• the emotional maturity required to see yourself clearly
• and how to shift your impact when the mirror shows you something unexpected

Because the truth is simple: your team is always telling you a story about your leadershi, the question is whether you’re willing to listen.

Episode Guest:

Becky Schwartz Corbett, MSW, ACSW, ACC is an international author, trainer, coach, and facilitator in leadership development, time & priority management, and workforce & personal wellness. She has 35 years of executive and operations management experience working with nonprofits, healthcare organizations, membership & trade associations, higher education, and the business community. Becky inspires others to live their best self and supports communities, organizations, and individuals to lead with intention and move to action.

Becky Corbett - Publications:

Leading Me Principles: Practical strategies to help you lead with intention | [available on Amazon]

The Bridge to Hope & Healing: 9 principles to guide you in a moment of crisis [available on Amazon]

https://drmelanieempowers.com

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Growing up, the age of your emotions, is the space where we explore the emotional maturity behind real leadership. The kind that shapes culture, inspires trust, and transforms the way people feel when they work with you. In today's episode, we're stepping up to a different kind of mirror, the one held by your team. Because whether you notice it or not, the people you lead are constantly reflecting something back to you. Your patterns, your presence, your blind spots, your strengths, and the emotional climate you create. This isn't just about judgment. It's about awareness. It's about understanding that leadership isn't just what you intend. It's about what you produce in the people around you. So today we're diving into it. With your team's behavior, what that reveals about your leadership, how to read the reflections you've been avoiding, the emotional maturity required to see yourself clearly, and how to shift impact when the mirror shows you something unexpected. Because the truth is simple. Your team is always telling you a story about your leadership. The question is whether you're willing to listen. Let's get into it. Well, welcome everyone, and thank you so much for joining Growing Up, the Age of Your Emotions podcast. And I have a special guest here with me today, Becky Corbett of BS Corbett Consulting. Um, Becky's going to share with us on the topic, the leadership mirror, what your team reflects back to you. And our conversation will be organic. I'm going to just ask uh Becky some questions and then we'll just have a conversation and hopefully the listeners will gain a lot of uh information that will inspire them and that they can use in their leadership journey. So without further ado, I'm going to just welcome Becky. Thank you so much for joining us today. Thank you for having me. Great. So, Becky, uh, what your team's behavior reveals about you, how have you noticed that and what types of uh measures have you taken to look internally and make adjustments on how your leadership style is uh demonstrated?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

Yeah. Uh Melanie, thanks for uh all of these questions in advance. It gave me the opportunity to reflect and examine my own leadership uh in the moment. And when I think about you know what I do that reflects from the team, the first word that came to mind when I saw this question in writing was everything. And what I mean by that is what I do impacts what they see. I think it impacts what they're going to do when they are working on behalf of our clients. And so for me, when I think of that mirror in my own conversation, my own words, my own intentionality, it affects how the team members are gonna behave uh with our clients uh as well.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

Okay. So basically what the team is uh demonstrating with you, that is how they will demonstrate their behavior with with others, with your clients, and any type of um external engagements that they may have. Is that a yeah?

SPEAKER_01 4:09

I I think I think that's a I think that's a a very um fair comment related to how I lead. Um I'm sure we're gonna get into this um at some point in our organic conversation. I also think if I come in hot, I come in angry. Um, I often say if I started this podcast with, it's good to be here, Melanie, right? And I didn't have a smile and I wasn't welcoming. Well, I think the same thing is gonna happen with the team as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:41

Okay, that's that's fair because um sometimes people will think that uh the team members don't get their cues from their leaders, and they do because you can have policy, um, different types of guidelines that are written that may have been given to them when they started employment with your company. But how you come in and the behavior that you demonstrate, that is what the team will pick up on more than anything. They may know that, well, I'm not supposed to leave early, or I'm not supposed to talk to clients that way. But if they see you doing those things or if they hear you, then they will most likely follow your lead. And a lot of people that are there's a disconnect that I've seen in just um working in different companies, uh talking to different leaders, and not just those in leadership roles, but people who um demonstrate leadership qualities, may lead their teams or um take on a leadership um opportunity in the moment, they just may do some things a little differently than than what um is expected. So that's what what I see sometimes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:58

What one of um the quotes that I often use often is, and I'm not sure if you've heard this one, Melanie. We become the sum of the five people we spend the most time with. And when I think about that, and that can include family, that can include our work colleagues, that can include our own clients who we spend time with. And I think about that, right? We tend to mimic or we pick up on whether we're realizing it or not. And for me, leading by example, my actions I think speak louder than the words. I do agree we need standard operating procedures, right? We need those SOPs in our companies, but how do they come to life and who's modeling it? Uh, I do think that starts with the defined leader. And I appreciate your comment about and then being the leader just on the team, right? That defined leader doesn't have to be the director or the manager, the person with the title.

SPEAKER_00 6:57

Right, exactly. Yeah, that that um is very enlightening. And would you mind sharing what is that? What is the quote again?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

Yes. Um, we become the sum of the five people we spend the most time with.

SPEAKER_00 7:14

No, I have not heard that before. Or if I have heard it, I don't remember hearing that before. It's it's an aha moment for me, thinking, oh, okay, right, then that makes sense.

SPEAKER_01 7:27

Right? If if we surround ourselves around uh enthusiastic people, if we surround ourselves by people who express gratitude, if we surround ourselves with people with a growth mentality, uh for me, that's contagious, right? The same thing is if we surround ourselves by somebody who comes in with negativity, uh, or there's always, you know, we've all worked with somebody at some point in our careers. There's a dig, there's an undertone, there's something negative. And I think we pick up on that. That, oh, if they're acting like that, is it okay for me to act that way?

SPEAKER_00 8:12

Yeah, that is um very insightful. I'm I'm really that's resonating with me because it does make sense. And I never took it beyond like the immediate engagement that I'm having, but it's the the five people I spend the most time with. So now I have to reflect back and see who did I pick my cues up from and what behavior am I demonstrating that mirrors those five people that I've I spend of the or that I have spent the most time with. So that's something to think about. Thank you. You're welcome, Melanie.

SPEAKER_01 8:52

If I can add, um I I know you know this one because uh you and you and I met a couple of years ago. You know, we often hear, you know, uh, get rid of the toxic people in your life or the people who aren't supportive to you. And we can't always get rid of, but can we reduce? Can we limit? Can we observe and listen? Wow, that person was really negative. And then what do we do to pause and say, okay, that was them? That's not how I choose to behave going forward, right?

SPEAKER_00 9:32

Right. Yeah, I think that behavior, um, that was learned behavior that I had to acquire over time. Because initially, and and just real quick, the reason, one of the reasons that I decided to study leadership and was really um intrigued by what makes a great leader or what qualities should a leader have, is because I mirrored someone who was not now hindsight, they weren't, you know, a good leader, they were a manager, but they weren't leading in a way that um would help people grow, would would um aspire them to be better, to um give them opportunities. It was more of, you know, get these things done, you you know, you have to do it, and just being real uh strict and rigid about everything. And that was over 20 years ago. And I and I often say, and I've I've laughed about this. I mean, probably wasn't funny at the time for the people who were on my team, but I say that if if I had me as a leader at that time, I would not have worked for me. I would, I wouldn't, I would not have worked for that person. Whoever that was, I I wouldn't have been in her employee. So I um yeah, that that makes a lot of sense to me.

SPEAKER_01 11:01

So Melanie, that the individual you were referring to, and and you said that they were uh Amira. Was that individual exhibiting the leadership qualities that you did not want to be?

SPEAKER_00 11:19

Now I know I did not want to be. That's what I thought. Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

Yeah, I was confirming that that's yeah, yeah. And and I so here's why I'm smiling. 35 years later, I've been in the workforce, and I often say that the first couple of people I reported to, I literally wrote a list of everything they did well and everything I didn't like about their supervision and leadership. And unfortunately, initially, the list was a lot longer on everything I didn't like and I didn't feel. And I made myself a promise that when I became the supervisor, I would literally do a 180. So that list on all of the nays went to all of the yeses and made an intentional strategic decision, uh, similar to what you're saying. Oh no, that's the leader I want to be. But it came from those bad or difficult experiences initially.

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yes, and that's what why I studied it, why I uh wrote a dissertation about how it makes great leaders, especially in technology, because that was my background. And I realized that there were some things, there were some gaps that I wanted to explore and to find out how we can do better, how can people be that leader, even if if they don't have the experience? What what can what do you have that you can demonstrate that would contribute to those qualities that would want people to look at you and say, Hey, I want to be like that person. I would like to be a leader like them someday, and not a negative quality, but something positive. Because I mean, a bank robber could be a good leader for somebody.

SPEAKER_01 13:07

Well, by definition, somebody probably led them to the bank, or they led somebody to the bank. Right. Was it for effective use or not, is the question.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Right, right. How effective was it? What was the outcome? Was it a positive outcome? Maybe it was, maybe not. But anyway, I yeah, I um really felt like I wanted to learn more about that because I found that as I grew um emotionally and uh in leadership roles, I realized that um there was something different that I could do. I didn't have to be that person because that that person that I mirrored that now realized that that wasn't the behavior that I wanted to demonstrate. That person I thought was, you know, hey, that's a great person, great way to lead. I'm gonna, you know, follow them. And I realized that that wasn't the best mirror for me. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 14:11

Melanie, one of one of my phrases that I've been using for years and also became the premise of our leading me principles is uh look in the mirror, reflect. Am I leading me? And as I was thinking about what you were saying, you know, as you evolve, change, transform. Uh, hopefully we all have as leaders. And I I often, which is why when I got your email, Becky, would you like to do this? And you called it the leadership mirror. I'm like, well, Melanie, I just published the book, and here's my mirror that I use every day. So yes, I would love to talk about the leadership mirror with anybody who will listen. And for me, it's leadership has to start with ourselves. And it's often that question of in would I follow me? Which is very similar to what you you just said in right in that. I was like, oh yeah, Melanie, we've we both have this going. Uh and that is, yeah, would I follow me?

SPEAKER_00 15:15

Would I follow me? Yes, absolutely. So, Becky, how do you how do you gauge whether your leadership is landing the way you intend? How do you know that you've you've you've hit that mark?

SPEAKER_01 15:29

Yeah, great question. Uh loved, I I do love this one. Uh a couple of things. The first one that comes to mind is I observe. Is what I'm teaching, is what I'm modeling, is there something we might have talked about in a one-on-one meeting? Uh is it am I seeing those behaviors in the person that I'm leading? The second thing is, particularly since I do have uh my training and consulting company and I have independent contractors who perform the services, is what are our clients saying about them? You know, literally, you know, what do they uh describe in between the sessions? And then certainly at the end when we do an evaluation, is what we want from our coaches and our trainers what we're actually getting. So it's the observation, do I see it in them? Uh, and then that evaluation from the clients.

SPEAKER_00 16:30

Okay. So do you you so your observation, but then once you once you receive the evaluation back from the clients, what are some things that you may look into if it's if it's not quite what you had intended, if the outcome is a little different than what do you expect it?

SPEAKER_01 16:50

Yeah. Um, it first of all, I gotta tell you, I love this question. Because I think what we often do, particularly programmatically, is we may get the feedback as a checklist, right? It feels good. We're supposed to do it. Uh, maybe a funder required uh to have some kind of feedback or an evaluation. It's what we do with it that matters. All team members, including myself, I strategically do not collect it. I have somebody else uh that does the collection, reviews the data behind it. You know, what what did people say uh as far as you know, high, low, medium, neutral, uh, this didn't land for them. Uh, and then I also look at the qualitative comments.

unknown 17:42

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 17:43

Years ago, I was taught you throw out the best and you throw out the worst, right? If we're doing uh academic research, right? That okay, for me, that's where the learning is.

SPEAKER_00 17:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 17:58

What was the best comment somebody said? And did they was it clear and specific that I want the team member, the coach, the trainer to know that in the same respects if it's a not so great comment. I didn't really hit my goals, they weren't very empathetic. I didn't find them fully present in the session. If we were to receive any of those, I'm gonna take them all seriously. I want to have a dialogue with the coach and the trainer. I want to say, here is some feedback we received. Let's have a dialogue about it. Let's have a conversation. If it was a particular moment in time, so let's say it was a training that we could like pinpoint, you know, it happened on Thursday, May 14, 2026. We might be able to literally reflect, hey, what might have been going on for you that day in the training room? If it's overall coaching over a period of time, having a dialogue. You know, why do you think this person may have made this comment? Pause, reflect. What might have been going on with you during this engagement with this type of client? And then what can we do to improve? Right? It it's for me, it's not it, it's not gonna do any good to yell at somebody. I found that yelling has gotten, I don't think it gets you anywhere in life personally. Uh, and I certainly uh do not react to somebody yelling. So for me, it's that dialogue with the individual. Here's what we heard, and let's talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 19:39

Okay. So, as a segue, what what role does the psychological safety play in getting an honest reflection?

SPEAKER_01 19:47

Yeah. I'm smiling. So I I I'm gonna actually I have to look at my note for a moment because when I was preparing and you had said we might talk about psychological safety, I literally want to tell you, because I wrote down my first thought to your questions. So as I was preparing them, part of my preparation was, well, let me just go through them and answer them quickly. Then I thought about it, I reflected, and then I went back to them, I thought about it again. And then the third go-round was okay, Melanie's gonna ask me a key question. And I think that psychological safety is so important. And now I just have to find where psychological safety. So give me a moment. You can tell that sometimes I like to be an exact individual.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

That's okay. You could you can take your time because I I know that it is important for um a lot of people, and um some people don't realize how important it is. And just going back to my experience with that initial leader who I mirrored, now hindsight reveals to me that there wasn't a lot of psychological safety in that environment because uh people, you know, felt uh threatened, they were disengaged, they were not really being their best because they wanted to do well in my eyes instead of doing well, period, just being themselves organically. So the psychological safety, I think, was limited, but that's what I had learned. And that wasn't the only leader who I had that demonstrated that for me. There were others, but I I understand the importance of it now, and that's why I like to talk about that, and especially that and you know, tied into emotional intelligence and being a leader. I think those, you know, go uh hand in hand often. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 21:41

Um, so I'm smiling that you added emotional intelligence. My initial thought when I had this question uh in preparation about psychological safety, I literally wrote down psychological safety from within for myself, or were we gonna go down the road for others? For me, it's actually both. And one of the things I always say is people do business with people they know, like, and trust. One of my values is to work with people, both personally and professionally, that you know, like and trust. And so for me, when we start to talk about psychological safety, it begins with a relationship. It begins with, do I know the person? Do I care about the person? I learned a trick very early on in my career. And I wish I could tell you who said it to me. I don't know if somebody said it to me, I read it somewhere, or I'll give myself credit, but whatever it was, it was remember one thing about an individual. And when I say one thing, I mean something that might be important to them. It could be personal, it could be professional, it could be philanthropic. You know, maybe what's their favorite football team? Where they went to college, uh, their favorite food. It doesn't have to be complicated, but something that you will remember about the individual and something that the person will go, oh, you remembered that. Right? It's a connecting point. And so for me, when I get to know somebody, it's like I'm listening for things. So when I think about that role of psychological safety, is what are we doing as the leader to create that environment? And for me, it starts with I want to, I want to know the person, I want a relationship. Not to give me your deep dark family secrets, although I am a trained clinical social worker, and why we get them at the grocery store, I have no idea. Uh but I want to get I want to get to know them. And then I think what happens along the way when we take a strength-based perspective, every life matters. And if we can find and we do find something likable in every human being, I think that is another phase of this psychological safety. Let me respect Melanie. Would I go break bread with Melanie outside of this Zoom room? I hope so. I hope we get in the same uh state. I'm setting a vision for us, Melanie, that sometime in the next six months to a year, you and I end up in the same room so we can break bread together.

SPEAKER_00 24:30

I would love that.

SPEAKER_01 24:31

Yeah, and then I think it creates the trust. I think trust has to be earned.

SPEAKER_00 24:40

Yeah, trust is earned. It's not something that you can just expect.

SPEAKER_01 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:46

It has to be earned. It is uh something that I think it's it's um very personal to trust. I think that's a very personal, intimate. It's an intimate uh engagement that you have when you trust someone because there's vulnerability that comes with that. Um your safety psychological, how your emo emotions will be um demonstrated based on the trust that you have with someone. Because if you're guarded, then you're not really being as organic as you can. So I think trust is is huge um when it comes to engaging with others. I think that's a very personal thing. I agree with that. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

Yeah. And and when I I when I think about um you mentioned emotional intelligence a few minutes ago when we first started talking about psychological safety. And I want to thank you for that because I think we have to have the emotional intelligence and the the wherewithal uh to observe the environment as the leader, right? If if we just come in with I became the director today, I became the manager today, I became your colleague today, do what I say, and I'll do what you say. They're just words, right? But to have the emotional intelligence to pause, look around, reflect, what's going on in the person's in world, environment. Did they come to work smiling? Did they did they, if you saw them get out of their car or if they uh hop into the webcam and they're not looking engaged? I'm not sure it's necessarily about you, it's probably about them. So having that emotional intelligence to say, hey, everything okay? You know, hey, do you want to take a moment to take a deep breath? Uh hey, uh, you want to share, you know, how you're entering the space today. I think all of that creates that psychological safety.

SPEAKER_00 27:06

Yeah. And also, I think it it also helps with um when the leader is present that way, because you have to be present to know what's happening in the in your environment where you are. And that presence, if if you're not present, then the other person may be disengaged too. So you have to be present, and then your awareness of the person not engaging, and you're thinking, okay, well, maybe we just need to take a stretch break, or you know, something needs to happen here because I'm I'm sensing something. But if you're not present and you're just focused on what you need to do, where you need to go, where you need to be, and you're not right here, I think that that makes a huge difference. And a lot of times people are not present. Like they you they may be physically present, but they're not present otherwise.

SPEAKER_01 28:04

Yeah, they're not present mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Um, years ago, when everybody was in the office for the most part, five days a week, what I used to do in the training room, we were talking about presence and you being the leader. And the scenario I used to give is, and I I know that some of your listeners, Melanie, will be listening and won't necessarily see this audio. So I'll describe what I'm doing. So I you're I'm typing at the computer and I'm looking down. And an employee walks in and says, Becky, can I get five minutes of your time? Sure, yeah, go ahead. What do you need? And I'm still looking down at the computer and I'm still typing. And I never just stop, take my hands off the keyboard, you know, move my chair so that I am front and centered. And in today's world, what I observe when people come in to all types of meetings or sessions is in the webcam, like you and I are now, they're they're literally all over the map. They're looking down. You can see that, I mean, they're literally looking down. You can probably guess that they are on their phone doing something, uh, which by the way is not a phone. I just showed my age, it's a mini computer that gives us access to the entire world. And what they're looking down. I mean, we all know when somebody is not engaged in person, and we all know these behaviors in the webcam now. You know, it'd be like me being all over the map. Yeah, like tell me, sure, let's have a conversation. And I stand up and yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:33

Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:35

It's that it's the present.

SPEAKER_00 29:37

Yeah. And I'm guilty of that because I have I know that no guilt. There's a no guilt zone. No, no guilt zone. But I I I recall when you said that that someone was typing or you were typing, and they said, Becky, can I give a few minutes? Yeah. And I recalled right, I was writing, and someone was talking to me, and I said, I'm listening. You were not. I heard them, but I wasn't.

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Melanie, you weren't listening.

SPEAKER_00 30:13

Nope, because I had to say repeat that. That's great. Yeah, yeah, that makes a lot of sense. All right.

SPEAKER_01 30:22

Yeah. Um, Melanie, can I just share a personal story that's even further? Okay. So my daughter was four years old at the time, and I was running a uh very large uh nonprofit, it was a membership organization. And uh after dinner, I grabbed the Blackberry. Now I just dated myself, right? Because we all remember our Blackberry. By the way, I still miss my Blackberry. All it did was an email. It didn't talk back, it didn't have the internet, it didn't have co-pilot, all it did was my email. And I was literally responding to emails at eight o'clock at night. And little Liz at the time, by the way, little Liz is now 30 years old. Little Liz gets up literally between my arm and the Blackberry, and she sticks her little head in, right? She comes in underneath and she goes with this cute little face, and she's moving her head back and forth, and she goes, Mommy, are we going to read the book or not? And it was that moment that woke me up raising her and having a career. I was not responsible for anybody's life in the moment. I wasn't doing hospital social work, I was not uh in community mental health and had a crisis. Those those days were gone. I was running a membership organization, and whatever that email was, could certainly wait till after I put my daughter to bed. And I put the Blackberry down and she never had to do that cute little thing um again to me. Um, fast forward in her career, I watched her on her device when we were at a family lunch, and uh my father was in the aging process, and after that I looked at her and I said, never again. You flew to New Orleans, we had a family lunch with your grandfather, who is aging, either work and leave the table or come back and be fully present in the moment.

unknown 32:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 32:32

That's amazing because some people don't get it. And it and just a quick, quick note. Yeah. Sometimes I will go somewhere by myself because I have I've had visitors, I've had just people in my car. I'm driving, we're in a place where they haven't been before. So I would think, hey, you're looking around to you know, just check out the area, explore, they're on their devices. And I, oh, that just really I I do not I don't like that. I don't yeah, be present in the car with me. Be present, be present with me. That's that's my message here, and I just do some things differently now, you know, with that. Um but I I learn to turn turn my device off when I'm having a conversation, engage and not be on my phone or the as I'm I call it a phone still with the mini.

SPEAKER_01 33:38

Didn't didn't mean to give you love to us people, us old school people.

SPEAKER_00 33:44

Yeah, and I I love my BlackBerry, I still miss it. I want it back.

SPEAKER_01 33:49

I want to be back. I want to I've I've I've got to pick up on I I've now gotta reflect back to you if that's okay. I want to pick up on the sentence that you just said. I because I think you're on to something, be present with me. So often we hear people say, be present, right? Or leadership coaches will say, be present, right? That we talk about that. You're on to something when you're saying, be present with me, with me, engage with me.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Right, right.

SPEAKER_01 34:22

Love that. Keep using it, my friend.

SPEAKER_00 34:24

Keep using it. Yeah, because it it matters, it matters. Um, so so one thing I wanted to to ask you about because I know you um work with a lot of leaders in different companies, and you may be able to share from your own perspective, but how do you stay grounded enough to receive reflections without becoming defensive?

SPEAKER_01 34:49

Okay, two-part question. How do I stay grounded? And then what do I do on that defit um mechanism? Right. Yeah, find those question. So there's a couple of things. One is I think it's a mindset, Melanie. I think in that mindset, you have to be okay with getting feedback. You you as a leader, we're always growing. If we're not making mistakes, then we're probably not the leader of ourself, um, and certainly not the leader of a company. And I think that that mindset of, well, I want to learn, I want to grow, I want to do better. If I don't ask for what I call coachable moments, and if I don't give them in return, then what am I gonna do to to be more effective with my clients, with my team members, with my family? So when I think into getting that feedback, it starts with the mindset. You you gotta want it, you gotta be curious, uh, wanna grow. Uh when I can tell, or I know maybe I didn't do my best work, or maybe I wasn't in the best place, I take a deep breath. My nana, who lived to be 103 and a half years old, taught me to breathe, literally. Good times, bad times, right before podcasts, right before speaking engagement, certainly during difficult times in a family crises and the fog starts rolling in. I've learned to embrace it with the mindset, and I've also learned a physical reaction. Take a deep breath. Sometimes people set it up before they're about to give you that feedback. Okay, I don't know how to say this. If you're listening and fully engaged, like we were just talking about, you know that whatever they have to say is difficult for them. So it gives you a moment to breathe, uh, to think in your head. Count to three. Uh, so it's that physical, okay, let's hold on for the ride, uh, kind of thing. And then the third is you know, trained, right? We we can't control what somebody says. We can control a reaction. And I think it's a behavior, Melanie, that I work on each and every day when it's emotionally charged, particularly when it's family, when it's you know, friends who've become family along the way, right? Boy, they can get us to go from zero to whatever in in a half a second, right? They know those buttons, they right, and you're smiling and you're nodding, right? They know it. And it's how do you say yourself, you're about to have that reaction, Becky? Just breathe.

SPEAKER_00 38:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 38:04

When I'm attuned to my body, I will get nervous. Um, my palms may sweat, uh, something may happen, I feel myself fidgety, kind of thing. Uh so really being attuned to uh just my body and in my reaction, and just pause before you speak.

SPEAKER_00 38:23

Yes, and yes, yes, to all of that.

SPEAKER_01 38:27

I wish the whole world would just pause before they speak, Melanie.

SPEAKER_00 38:31

Yes, yeah, and and take a long pause if you need to, and double it, double double down, double down, yeah. Sometimes you need to, but that is that is so true. And I think too that you know, going back to the intimacy of the trust and in the um the psychological safety and how your emotions are, especially if someone is really close to you, I think they have the tendency to be able to get you to go from zero to a hundred quicker than anybody else. I don't I don't know what the the um research is behind that, but I know that that is true. And when that's why I was nodding when you were saying that, because I completely um agree. I can identify with that, and that has happened to me. I have to just tell myself, don't say anything, be quiet. Yeah, wait. If you still want to say something later, then come back to it. But you don't have to respond right now, and it it is something I have to be present for. I have to make a concerted effort to do that. Um, and then and then especially if there's there are other things going on, and maybe some some you know things that I need to address right away. Um and I'm not present, then I may have a tendency to respond and then think that wow, I didn't mean to respond that way, or I didn't mean to say that. And that's why being present and being present with the person is so important for leaders. It it is it's it's paramount, I think.

SPEAKER_01 40:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 40:09

Um go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 40:11

Yeah, as you were talking, I would I was thinking that mirror of you know, what is it that the person was giving me feedback on? What what is my reaction? And in that reaction of all right, so the mirror is going from that person shining the mirror on me, right? And then that pause to me is wait a minute, before I even need to respond to this person, let me first exhibit some self-leadership. Listen, take it in. No response in the moment is okay. Yes, and we don't always have to have the answer, we don't always have to have the sorry because maybe we have nothing to apologize for.

SPEAKER_00 40:57

Right.

SPEAKER_01 40:58

We don't always have to get angry because maybe we've got some improvement to do.

SPEAKER_00 41:02

Right.

SPEAKER_01 41:03

So it's just thinking that when you get that uh comment or maybe uh some negative feedback or something that's emotionally charged, yeah, we don't we don't have to respond in that moment.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

You do you do not have to respond. And then you can always say, Can I get back to you? Can I get back to you on that? Or you know, let me think about it, or just something, but you don't have to have to respond. And and I don't know is a is an answer. I think sometimes people feel they have to answer.

SPEAKER_01 41:36

Yes, yes. I don't, I don't know. I don't know. Yeah, I um let me find out. Yeah, I and one of the things I think I've been saying now that I think about this is I don't know. Let me get back to you. I don't know, let me think about it. I don't know. Uh thank you for your feedback. It's taken me back a little bit. I need some time to reflect.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

Yes, yes. So, Becky, as we get close to um the close of this segment, I want to ask you, uh, what do you hope your team reflects on your leadership years from now?

SPEAKER_01 42:19

Oh, love this, love the question. Uh, right. Uh I I often frame it in, you know, what do you want your legacy to be? Uh is is how I sometimes ask this uh question. And there were three things that I really uh thought into and reflected about. You know, Melanie, I took my homework very seriously uh for this podcast in this conversation with you. Um the first one is intentionality. Not just that Becky talked about uh being intentional, but Becky was, is uh intentional. The second one is relationships matter. Uh I uh try to, I don't try, there is no try, you just do. My goal is to treat every person as if they are the most important person in the world. In this moment, all that matters is Dr. Melanie's podcast. All that matters is my colleague and friend that I met through an intensive coaching program with the ICA. Uh, and this is about Melanie. This is about Melanie's success. This is about Melanie's podcast. Literally, the phone, the device, the mini computer is in the other room. Uh, I notified my aging mother, uh, who's in assistant living. Yeah, you can call me, but so you know I'm off the grid. Um, I'm not on call to anybody. Uh, so it didn't matter. Um, the phone's in the other room. My desk is clear, except for my notes with Melanie. Um, relationships matter. And how I treat Melanie in this moment is how I hope Melanie will treat me and she will also treat others. Relationships matter.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 44:12

And then the third thing that I uh hope that the team reflects is what are the outcomes? You know, did we accomplish what we said we were going to do? And whether that is a family vacation, did we want to laugh? Did we want to have fun? Did we want to be a foodie? You know, did we want to sit and you know, stream something for eight hours because it ended up raining? And whatever it is, just in my leadership, did I help people to understand that uh what are the outcomes that we wanted to accomplish? And did we? Another way of saying that for me, because I've always served people as part of my business. Uh, and that is, you know, did we serve the clients to the best of our abilities? Right. And whether you are in a coaching session and did they grow from uh their awareness and learning, whether they're in a training room and we're teaching about uh the disk assessment and people's behavioral preferences, just the outcomes, just and my leadership. Did I not just talk about operating proficiently? Did we? Did we meet what we said we were gonna do for somebody?

SPEAKER_00 45:33

Yeah, that's awesome. Well, thank you so much, Becky. I really appreciate you being here. And just tell us real quick the name of your book and where can we get it?

SPEAKER_01 45:46

Thank you so much for asking. The name of the book is Leading Me Principles, and it is practical strategies to help you lead with intention. Um, I actually wrote uh a second book, if I may, uh several years ago that is called The Bridge to Hope and Healing, which is nine principles to follow in a moment of crises. And both of them can be found on Amazon.

SPEAKER_00 46:10

All right. Well, thank you so much. We've been talking with um Becky Corbett of BS Corbett Consulting, and the topic is the leadership mirror, what your team reflects back to you. I hope our listeners gained some insight, were inspired, and can use some of the information that we shared today. Thank you so much, Becky. I really appreciate you being on the podcast, Growing Up, the Age of Your Emotions. Thank you for joining me, Dr. Melanie and Powers and Becky from BS Corbett Consulting for this conversation on the leadership mirror, what your team reflects back to you. If today's episode stirs something in you: a reflection, a realization, a question, or even a little discomfort, that's the work. That's the growth. Leadership isn't about perfection, it's about the courage to see yourself honestly and choose differently. As you move through your week, pay attention to the reflections around you. Notice the energy in the room. When you walk in, notice what your team mirrors back in their communication, their engagement, their trust. Those reflections aren't criticisms, they're invitations. If you're ready to deepen this work, explore more episodes of Growing Up, the Age of Your Emotions, where we unpack the emotional maturity behind leading with clarity, compassion, and intention. Until next time, keep growing, keep noticing, and keep leading from the inside out.