LBP #82: The Four Horsemen Of The Acapulco

If you or someone you know likes steeplechase racing, bad wigs, unsolved mysteries or The Village People...

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Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:06

Welcome back. Love Boat Project, episode number 82. I am your host, Mike Taylor. With me, as always, my co-host, Mike Robertson. Ahoy, Mike. Oh, I thought you were going to go right into Magic Knight. I didn't know what you were doing there.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

I don't think I knew Magic Knight.

SPEAKER_03 0:30

Can't unknow it now. It's burned into my brain now.

SPEAKER_00 0:34

It's so weird that the village people appearance was not the weirdest part about this episode.

SPEAKER_03 0:41

That's funny. You make a good point. Yeah. That is funny. It is funny. Plenty to learn this episode about the village people. Topical. The lead singer, aka the police officer, passed away two days ago.

SPEAKER_00 0:58

Oh my god. I didn't even see that.

unknown 1:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:02

We are I feel like we are gonna have to start doing like this episode dedicated to the city.

SPEAKER_03 1:08

Well, I thought about doing ten boathorns, like they do for wrestlers after they pass, but I was like, we'll be here. It'll take forever. So yeah, maybe something. So interesting. RIP. We're here to talk about season four, episode five, titled Secretary to the Stars, Julie's Decision. She's always has some decision, by the way. It's always some the horse lover, go for an Isaac, buy a horse, and village people ride again.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

Man, we went from no animals last year to we have a goddamn horse race.

SPEAKER_03 1:48

We got three horses on the ship. Like, what are you original air date? Saturday, November 22nd, 1980. Interesting. It was on from 8 to 9.30.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

So we know what's coming behind us.

SPEAKER_03 2:04

Well no. Yes, but yes, but excuse me. My favorite portion of the show, what else is on? We're gonna start on ABC. This is where it gets weird.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:18

A B C from 8 to 8.30 is Fantasy Island. Now this is the first Wait, wait, wait, wait. Yep, go ahead. What time?

SPEAKER_00 2:27

8 to 8. 830. A half hour of Fantasy Island?

SPEAKER_03 2:31

It's the first 30 minutes of a 90 minute episode. They put the first 30 before the love boat episode. Love boat hour and hour and a half. And then at nine thirty to eleven, they did or whatever the difference is.

SPEAKER_00 2:49

Yeah, that is weird. Right? Well, I wonder if there was like a cliffhanger.

SPEAKER_03 2:56

Well, there's a different sort of and so okay, so this one at eight is called Possessed. And it says again, description right from TV God a worried mother brings her suddenly cold and very changed little girl to Mr. Rourke for help. This episode continues at 10 PM.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

That is weird.

SPEAKER_03 3:18

Right. I don't know why you would do that. Like it's almost like I wonder if you work people on Fantasy Island. Was it to get like steel radio? It's like you're cheating there somehow.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Well, unless I we I am not very familiar with like how Fantasy Island works in terms of is it one story, then the second half is a different story, or do they kind of like go back and forth? Because that almost feels like they just pulled out one of the storylines and that's part of one.

SPEAKER_03 3:46

Right. I'm not sure because when we and and we'll go into the full description of that episode again, they restate the original story that they just stated in this 30 minutes. So I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 4:00

Oh, so she was possessed after the love boat, too? Like if they didn't clear that up in between.

SPEAKER_03 4:06

Well, but how many I can't imagine they only went into one story for the first if you for the first third imagine for a love boat episode. You you're not just gonna go and have one story for the first time.

SPEAKER_00 4:16

Can you imagine? Oh I hope I wonder if spelling's just getting creative. I don't know. This is a weird time. This this post-strike has been weird so far.

SPEAKER_03 4:26

Very weird. And again, no Halloween episode, right? We have blown past that.

SPEAKER_00 4:32

That at least you know what? I will give it everybody credit because of the strike. Yeah, yeah, right. I will give people a pass this this this year, at least right now.

SPEAKER_03 4:40

And for the holiday of the Christmas season as well? No. Because of the strike? No.

SPEAKER_00 4:45

No, no. But I think I think personally, this episode of the Love Boat that we're doing is the last like in the can pre-strike kind of thing. I wouldn't be surprised if next week we get whatever the beginning of season four actually is.

SPEAKER_03 5:00

So makes sense. Makes sense. CBS at 8 p.m. WKRP in Cincinnati, an episode called The Baby. Mr. Carlson's wife goes into labor, and the WKRP staffers gather at the hospital there when she gives birth.

SPEAKER_00 5:17

Okay, Mike, no, I have a I have a question. Maybe we solved the our answer. Is there a world where CBS didn't want Lonnie Anderson to go up against herself and so they did that? Fancy Island thing. Is that possible? Is it something as ridiculous as that? It's not possible. It's impossible. I'm sorry. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 5:41

It's impossible. And I'll explain in just a moment. Okay. NBC at 8 p.m. 1977 movie. I swear we've talked about this movie, or it's just like another movie we talked about called The Car. A mysterious driverless black automobile, everyone, I don't know, it comes into contact with.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

We talked about one that was clearly Christmas.

SPEAKER_03 6:07

Well, this was this was in a within a small town in Utah as it thirsts for hit and runs.

SPEAKER_00 6:13

We talked about that one before. We did. So they're rerunning movies. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_03 6:18

And that's a movie movie. It's not even a TV movie.

SPEAKER_00 6:21

Like we talked about that last season. Right. So that is are you how are you out of movies, CBS? Your CBS.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

They don't even try. Jeez. CBS at 8 30 TV movie. Sorry. Movie. Called Same Time Next Year. Two people meet by chance, have an affair, and then decide to continue meeting once a year at the same inn. I wonder if it's that Bluebeard Inn, the one we saw in in the Caribbean a couple weeks ago. As the decades pass, what began is casual infidelity develops into a deep emotional bond with Ellen Burston. Alan Alda. And I know how to pronounce his last name, but I'm going to say it wrong anyway. And Ivan Boner. Boner's to Bone? Boners to Bone.

SPEAKER_00 7:21

I think I've seen that.

SPEAKER_03 7:24

It rings a bell, but I don't know why it would.

SPEAKER_00 7:27

Well, it's also funny that Alan Alda did that and then the Four Seasons, which is about a couple of four couples that do vacations every. It's like so.

SPEAKER_03 7:37

It's funny you say that. My parents brought me to the movie theater because they wanted to see a movie, and what did they want to see? The four seasons. Yeah. You want to talk about a snore fest for an eight-year-old kid.

SPEAKER_00 7:49

Well, there's that the car goes in the ice. There's that one scene.

SPEAKER_03 7:54

It was very wordy. It was very wordy. It was not cool.

SPEAKER_00 7:57

I have seen that movie in the last five years, and actually they are redoing it as a TV show, which is actually pretty good because I like the people that are in it. But but it is an interesting movie because it is a classic early 80s movie where it is just very quiet and very slow. And very low. It's so slow. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

Yeah. I remember as a kid and I remember looking at my watch. I'm like, dear God.

SPEAKER_00 8:24

You know what that might.

SPEAKER_03 8:24

How much of this are they going to give us?

SPEAKER_00 8:26

That might be the closest we get to Alan Alda on our show.

unknown 8:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

He ain't getting on this boat, I'll tell you that.

SPEAKER_03 8:33

He's traveling by air. He's not messing with this. Back to ABC to answer a few questions here. ABC 10 to 11, Fantasy Island. Episode titled The Love Doctor, The Pleasure Palace. Whoa, and Possessed, which is the name of the first storyline. A movie actress seeks to become anonymous for the weekend and finds the Love Doctor instead.

SPEAKER_00 8:58

Wait a minute.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

Go ahead.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

Wait a minute. Didn't we just have a movie actress become anonymous on our show this week?

SPEAKER_03 9:07

Yeah, yeah, yeah. We just had that. We just had that. Yeah. In fact, this episode, we're gonna have that.

SPEAKER_00 9:14

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

Pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

I was gonna say the thing I just re-watched today had that.

SPEAKER_03 9:19

Interesting. You say that. Gordon Hughes' attitude about his life is dramatically altered when he travels back and finds his quote roots circa of San Francisco, 1906. What is this, quantum leap on this island? I don't understand. Like anything goes on this whatever. We can time.

SPEAKER_00 9:40

We may have to break into one of those pretty soon. Because I I just don't think I understand it enough.

SPEAKER_03 9:45

Or give us the pilot. Just explain where how does this island get its magical powers? And finally, they restate the first storyline that I brought up at 8 o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 9:55

It's so weird.

SPEAKER_03 9:57

Starring. Barbie Benton.

SPEAKER_00 10:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:03

Christopher George. Oh my seriously? Yeah. Gary Bergdoff, radar O'Reilly, and Lonnie Anderson.

SPEAKER_00 10:13

Get out. Really?

SPEAKER_03 10:14

Which is why you were saying about the thing. I was like, Nope.

SPEAKER_00 10:17

Impossible. You can't escape Lonnie Anderson on ABC this week.

SPEAKER_03 10:21

I wonder if she used one of her many accents in this figure.

SPEAKER_00 10:25

Or one of her wigs. One of her many wigs.

SPEAKER_03 10:27

Is that Lonnie Anderson or is that Lori Anderson from Bristol?

SPEAKER_00 10:31

Hello. Are you a chimney sweep? We don't usually like to do this. I'm calling it. I think we have to do that episode.

SPEAKER_03 10:40

I mean, that sounds great to me.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

There's a lot of questions. I would love to see Christopher George again. You know we want to see Barbie Benton again.

SPEAKER_03 10:47

Of course we do. Look at that nose. And then we see if radar eats something other than uh I'll make a note and see that.

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yeah, I think I think we have to put I think we have to do that. And sooner rather than later, we'll forget. It's a perfect one.

SPEAKER_03 10:59

It's a perfect one to do. It's completely an alien sort of questions. Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 11:03

I'll sit through 90 minutes of fancy eye. If we do it, we have to stop a half hour in. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Go go do something else for 90 minutes and then come back. That's right. Episode synopsis for what we're about to discuss. A world famous movie star disguises herself. Wow. As her secretary to escape her fans. Same same. No love guru, no love doctor there. No, that's the only move. Maybe. Uh unless future owner of the saints is a love doctor. We'll see. Thank you.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

I'm glad you got that.

SPEAKER_03 11:43

I wish I didn't spoil that one. I would be so sitting on that one. Julie's decided to marry a very wealthy bachelor. She didn't really decide to marry him.

SPEAKER_00 11:52

No, she very much she very much did not decide. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 11:55

Who also entered the steeple chase. More on that in a few. A woman seeks other company when she finds her husband has lied to her about the reason for their cruise. Isaac and Gopher sneak a horse on board so they can enter it in the upcoming race. Yep. Wow. Wow. Yeah. That, yep.

SPEAKER_00 12:19

Like this was this was I'm gonna I'm gonna say before we get into all of it, this was top three just silliest episode we've ever heard of. 100%. 100%. This was if it wasn't for, and here's the thing the one quote non-silly storyline involved Lonnie Anderson playing two characters and putting on a wig and this weird stalker like that, and that was the non-silly storyline.

SPEAKER_03 12:47

Yeah, and she apparently had other personalities too. Like there was a few of them.

SPEAKER_00 12:52

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 12:53

We'll get to it.

SPEAKER_00 12:54

I'll explain that to you when we get to it.

SPEAKER_03 12:58

She's crazy. That's what it is. Guest stars this week, Lonnie Anderson. This is her third and sadly her final appearance in the Love Boat.

SPEAKER_00 13:08

Oh man, I figured she'd be on every year because she gets she's like Schneider. She gets to do character work.

SPEAKER_03 13:13

She's great. I mean, I didn't even know it was her. I didn't know it was Lori Anderson.

SPEAKER_00 13:17

They definitely, they definitely were like, okay, there's some dummies who are gonna think these are two different people, so they have to have the scene. Oh, they're real. She takes the wig on twice.

SPEAKER_03 13:28

Twice. David Doyle joins us this week. The man who loved women is back. W winner. It's W winner for best horn dog season two. Second of his six appearances on the Love Boat. Wow, he played someone very similar. He likes older ladies, Mike.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

He likes older ladies. The only difference was he just liked horses. He's not what I would call a shrewd negotiator based on what he saw. He kept going high.

SPEAKER_03 13:58

He's worse than yeah. You might as well have me in the me in the room.

SPEAKER_00 14:03

He went very high immediately.

SPEAKER_03 14:06

No, 110.

SPEAKER_00 14:08

What?

SPEAKER_03 14:09

Relax, Dave Doyle.

SPEAKER_00 14:10

What is he? The guy, the guy who's running the Boston Celtics? Nice negotiations.

SPEAKER_03 14:15

Oh hey oh, everything must go. Charles Frank is the next guest star, second of four appearances on the Love Boat. Do you remember when we saw him last, sir? No. What season? Season one, episode three, is Jim Wright, the senior chaperone.

SPEAKER_00 14:36

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 14:38

Yeah. Love boat project number three. Yes, sir.

SPEAKER_00 14:42

Wow, that's amazing. Because I will say this. I thought he sucked in this one. Yeah, so did I. Absolutely. That is wild. That really changes my framing of it.

SPEAKER_03 14:53

He was a lot better than that first episode.

SPEAKER_00 14:55

He was a lot better in that first one. Honestly, the Jim Wright level of like timid would have been way better than whatever weird mix of stalker slash Letherio slash psychopath they were going for.

SPEAKER_03 15:10

Just doesn't grasp the obvious.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

Yeah. I will counter your excellent season one trivia question with one of my own. Did you see who he is married to in real life? I did not. He is married to the woman who played the daughter of Paul Burke in season one, where he dies. Yeah. Oh god. Yeah. So last time we saw her, Paul Burke coughing up his final words.

SPEAKER_03 15:43

It's funny how our last memories of these people is so different than anyone's last memories of these people.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

I looked this up like a week ago, so I don't remember her name, but I definitely know that she she was where I thought they were gonna kill off a character.

SPEAKER_03 15:57

Yeah, I mean they I mean, right, essentially just off camera.

SPEAKER_00 16:02

Yeah, I mean it's just they didn't have a camera in the room.

SPEAKER_03 16:06

Well, I guess they don't have an intensive care unit on the boat, no? For horse stable, yes.

SPEAKER_00 16:10

Yeah, how about why didn't Doc put him in the infirmary like he did with what's her name last week?

SPEAKER_03 16:15

That's funny. We'll see Mr. Frank two more times on the boat. Next is Alan Ludden, the return of businessman number one from season two, episode four, Love Vote Project number twenty nine, merger talk with businessman number one. This is his second and last appearance on the list.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

He is ill, he is ill during this. Yeah. Oh he would die, yeah. He would die like six months later. It is it is very sad. Um I think he had like stomach cancer, they said. But I gotta say, he goes into the list with the aforementioned Barbie Benton, Christopher George, some others, people that I did not really have any knowledge of, that I just enjoy. I agree. I just I I really liked the businessman number one. I think that's one of my favorite episodes that we've done, just ourselves. But and then this one, he came with just this goofballed, like obstinate energy. He was great. I enjoyed him so much. So he was R.A.P. King.

SPEAKER_03 17:27

R.A.P. King, no kidding. Which brings us to a uh Robert Stack first and only appearance in the Love Boat, sadly. Yeah, served it started as Elliot Ness in the Untouchables TV series. 106 episodes. I I was not aware of that.

SPEAKER_00 17:43

Really? Yeah, I was not I've never seen, I don't know that I've ever seen that he didn't.

SPEAKER_03 17:49

Early 60s TVs can be a little rough, too. So sure. Host of Unsolved Mysteries from 88 to 2002 played Captain Rex Kramer.

SPEAKER_00 18:00

Oh, there were some. It was funny when I first my first watch was within a day or two. I had watched like the second half of Airplane was on TV. And so it's just that thing where he's got a couple like things when he's kind of talking and everything that are just so airplanes. You can hear like the music in the background. I thought he was gonna start talking to Robert Hayes. Like it was next.

SPEAKER_03 18:23

Now we're this is we're gonna do this one a little bit differently. Next on my list here is the village people. I'm gonna hold off really introducing the village people because I don't want to bury the lead. We'll kind of talk about it when they get on the ship. Sure. I will say there is something else about the village people. Years ago, I was friends with this film buff, and they said you have to see this movie, it's the worst movie ever made. And I was like, hmm, do tell. The movie's called Can't Stop the Music, Mike. I went ahead and added it to the hopper. What is that? It's it's a musical comedy starring the village people, Caitlin Jenner, Steve Gutenberg, Paul Sand, and Tammy Grimes.

SPEAKER_00 19:12

Well, I know who Tammy Grimes is. Who is Paul Sand? I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 19:17

I'm not sure who Paul Grimes are.

SPEAKER_00 19:18

Do you remember who Tammy Grimes is? I'm 99% sure Tammy Grimes is Roddy McDowell's girlfriend that he was allergic to. Oh, wow. Okay. I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure that's the name. Yeah. But it is the amount of the amount of ridiculous recall we may or may not have about these people is concerning.

SPEAKER_03 19:40

Yeah, scary and impress academic, I should say. Yeah, great. I mean, there's a book. There's I mean, come on, there has to be a uh it's funny.

SPEAKER_00 19:49

You know, it's funny, it's funny you say that there is a movie because I wonder if that's where Magic Knight comes from, because that song has a very Xanadu vibe to it.

SPEAKER_03 20:01

This movie was compared to Xanadu in its quality. And thereof. There you go. So it all makes sense. Last but certainly not least, Miss Betty White. First of five appearances on the boat. Interestingly enough, she'll play the same character in her next four appearances.

SPEAKER_00 20:20

Get out. Seriously?

SPEAKER_03 20:22

Seriously. Plays the same character in the next four appearances. Don't know what to do.

SPEAKER_00 20:26

Remember related?

SPEAKER_03 20:29

Don't know. Didn't seem like it. It almost has to be. It didn't look like it, like by the name, but we'll see. Well, I'll get five, six, seven, and nine.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

She was great. And she was great. She was great in maybe a different way than we're more accustomed to seeing her. Like she wasn't dumb. She wasn't, you know, this was this was a little bit probably more like her Mary Teller Moore character than her Golden Girls character. So, but excellent either way.

SPEAKER_03 20:58

So a fun fact, Mike, White was offered the role of Blanche, and Rue McClanahan was offered the role of Rose. The director suggested they switch roles since they each played similar roles in the past.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 21:12

And probably people have no idea what I'm talking about. I'm talking about the Golden Golden Girls. Betty White played Rose.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

You think people who listen to this show don't know the Golden Girls literally?

SPEAKER_03 21:22

I mean if if you're loveboat specific, or or you're an ABC person, maybe I can see that because yeah, because of because of that.

SPEAKER_00 21:34

Because I think um wasn't Ruben Klanahan in the Mama's family? Wasn't she the like dowdy one in Mama's Family? Like maybe the first season, or like was a character before, you know, or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 21:49

Because they had stupid Ken Barry's wife was in it too.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

So that was another Yeah, like maybe she was that weird woman. This isn't Mama's Family project.

SPEAKER_03 21:59

Disappointing. Every time I think of Ken Barry, I'm just like this guy.

SPEAKER_00 22:02

Oh, yeah. That's the thing. This show will this show listen, they can't all be Barbie Benton and Ken and Christopher George. Sometimes it's Ken Barry and Norman Fell. Awful. I think you probably know this. I don't know if you mentioned it, but of course, Alan Ludden, businessman number one, comma, horseman number one, was married to Betty White in real life. Oh, interesting. Which also I think vaults them to the top of real life couple chemistry. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, we've we've gotten better at that, but we've had a run of like where these people are like you guys even know each other.

SPEAKER_03 22:39

Like and it's not even just like the the sort of happy chemistry, right? It was the unhappy chemistry that was almost believable. You know what I'm saying? But you you can't fake, I think that's harder to fake.

SPEAKER_00 22:51

They just had this quality. I just I just enjoyed I do wonder as we get into it. I do wonder how much of this episode I would have enjoyed with different actors that I don't like as much. But I'm okay, but I'm very much okay with that. And I will say, as we finish our marathon first five episodes here, where we watched eight hours of Love Boat, uh it this was a great way to kind of end that because I needed a light palette cleanser. You know, I'm sure you, as the note person, loved it because you had two songs and a horse race.

SPEAKER_03 23:33

So a horse race in a in a parking lot, but we'll talk about that later.

SPEAKER_02 23:38

What?

SPEAKER_03 23:41

All right. Anything else to cover before we get on the boat?

SPEAKER_00 23:45

No, just that I am very excited. Yeah, I'm excited. To talk about this episode.

SPEAKER_03 23:52

Oh wow. All right.

SPEAKER_00 23:56

Well, I'm just as excited.

SPEAKER_02 23:59

Excuse me.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

I gotta say, having a two-year-old's playroom right downstairs from the studio really uh it gets the props.

SPEAKER_03 24:13

That'll be good. And we'll have the replicas in the project.

SPEAKER_00 24:17

Oh, yeah, we're selling, we're selling all the we're selling all seven horses, right? Like the whole race.

SPEAKER_03 24:22

And it goes in all the glue that's made from the from it goes in the wheel so you can raise them. Magic night's still running somewhere. We begin this week with a smooch from a man in giant glasses. These things are hello, yeah, gold rimmed giant square glasses. Boy, sign oh the times. The woman he's with thanks him for taking her on this cruise. He says she deserves it. She hasn't been thrilled with him lately. And I wrote, any relation to his eyewear decisions? Hello.

SPEAKER_00 24:56

But he, if you remember, the businessman number one last time had those dark tinted, not sunglass glasses. So he's that's right. He's expanded the frame, but maybe lowered on the lens.

SPEAKER_03 25:07

He likes his he likes to accessorize, I think.

SPEAKER_02 25:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 25:10

She says, Can you blame me the way you've been carrying on with Jessica? What? Somebody changed their head. Somebody looks just like David Doyle was like, huh? An available woman somehow through distress. Before they even introduce him, a guy that looks like David, David Doyle's all in on this gobble. Hello. Oh God, I wish I wish I could do a David Doyle impression.

SPEAKER_00 25:33

I feel like if we had like two more episodes in a row, we could both do excellent David Doyle impressions.

SPEAKER_03 25:39

I love to do David Doyle. They should do a David Doyle like a good lord, look-alike contest.

SPEAKER_00 25:44

Where's Travelina? Get Travelina back here. Get Travelina.

SPEAKER_03 25:47

Do some dancing. She goes on and on about how he says Jessica's beautiful and has long legs and how she excites him. What? Jessica's the most beautiful horse I've ever owned. David Doyle look-alike, turns his head again. She says that's not a horse, that's an obsession. She asks, can they make this their second honeymoon? And he's like, I cool. Yeah, sure. Why not? Okay, sure. What do you okay? Sure. Who's gonna who's it? What guy's gonna be like, nah. Hell no. Over my dead body, this is not gonna be our. Yeah, sure. They smooch, once the smooch, huh? She sees a sign in the lobby that says Acapulco Steeplechase Cruise. Which at first glance, Mike, I'm confused as all hell. So they're gonna have horses. There's a lot of words I know. Like, what are we doing here? Is it is it to the totem polling back? Do these horses swim? Like, why would you have horses on a cruise ship?

SPEAKER_00 26:53

Did Vinny did Vinny Del Reese and his shady bookie show up to start dropping money on these races?

SPEAKER_03 26:59

Like are they the wooden horses that go around the pool? Like, what is there's a lot, but okay. We'll just you know what, Mike? Let's just go with it. You know what I mean? Why not? It's been a long intro to the season. Yeah. We deserve this.

SPEAKER_00 27:13

Mike, we deserve this.

SPEAKER_03 27:14

We do deserve it. She sees the sign, she's not happy. Lara is in Mexico and he says that Jessica's on the ship because she hates to fly.

SPEAKER_00 27:26

She's like uh Wendell's, she's like Wendell Sneed's wife.

SPEAKER_03 27:30

She is like Wendell Sneed's wife. Boy, you tell her she's gonna go see Jessica and bring her some sugar and apples. She says, What about me? And he said, You had a big lunch. Boom.

SPEAKER_00 27:43

See, now now here's what I'm saying. Yes, this is most of the episode. The most of the storyline is her saying something, him turning it around in the horse. It's it's the same thing, but it is great. It is just it is perfectly delivered. It is stupid. They don't try to be anything else. You know, no, it just feels real. It is it my god. And it's like there's like 10 of those, and they're all hilarious.

SPEAKER_03 28:08

They're really good, they're really good. Julie is with Vicky, and she's giving a cabin number to a passenger named Mr. Benson. Boo. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

Plus, now now that I know it's Mr. Wright, this is very awkward. Yeah, it's very awkward, right?

SPEAKER_03 28:26

It changes things.

SPEAKER_00 28:27

You never called me.

SPEAKER_03 28:30

Right? I well, or even creepier, you know?

SPEAKER_02 28:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

He asks if Kim Holland's gonna be on the cruise. Julie says yes. That's great. Loose lip sink ships, real real operational security on this ship. She's hand and notice there's no security for some like super movie star to come on the or the prince. Or the prince. Well, he had that guy in his defense.

SPEAKER_00 28:58

The prince Robert Stack. He also was a prince.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

Oh, oh, oh, okay. I thought you meant uh not Prince Snyder.

SPEAKER_00 29:10

I thought we decided that I thought we decided that the ship won him, the security guy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 29:16

And he's just around. Right, he's there somewhere. In case some, don't worry. In case of you know, in emergency break glass. Turns out Kim Holland's handing out the gold cup to the winner of the Acapulco steeple Acapulco steeple chase, which we'll see is very boy, that is that is let down. Okay, let me just say that. I've been to flea markets, dot dot dot, but that's all Mr. Benson said he's been a fan of her since her first film. And he steps a half step closer to Julie and he says, and that's why I'm on this cruise to meet her.

SPEAKER_00 29:54

Like, okay, just just because you want to meet someone doesn't mean you get to meet someone.

SPEAKER_03 29:59

Right. I'd love to have a bite of your sandwich. You can't. I'd love to have a bite of your sandwich, you can't stop. It's crazy. It's just so wait. So let me see. Let me ask this. Was stalking just not? You know what I mean? Like, was it just not a thing? Because this is so stalkery. It's well, I mean it's literally stalking.

SPEAKER_00 30:20

Not to be real life morbid, but I mean that that actress got killed in the 80s. Like Rebecca Schaefer? Like, so I mean, yes, I guess that people just look the other way when someone is able to find you on a cruise and then what sit outside your cabin?

SPEAKER_03 30:40

Like I mean, it sounds very Hinckley Jr., you know what I mean? Yeah, uh Jody Foster type of nonsense. Yeah, it's crazy. But there's no like panic button on this ship. Like if something just off happens. No, not at all. We'll just deal with it at sea when we get over water.

SPEAKER_00 30:59

It's nothing. A wig and some glasses can't fix.

SPEAKER_03 31:02

That's right. And her accent was so good. She does it, she's she confuses herself. That accent.

SPEAKER_00 31:09

What is that? Uh what is that uh Oliver Twist?

SPEAKER_03 31:12

Imagine her during World Cup season. She'd have to she'd have to fake cheering for a couple different teams.

SPEAKER_00 31:18

Oh man. Poor Harry Kane. Sorry, I can't go out with you.

SPEAKER_03 31:23

God forbid the U.S. plays the UK. She's just she's out of breath going in and out of the carabin.

SPEAKER_00 31:28

Even worse, what if Holland's playing? Oh no.

SPEAKER_03 31:31

Kim Holland will be so screwed up. She'll be she's done. She's so tired. Vicky asks him if he's sure that he wants to meet her because she just won the Sour Apple Award for being the most uncooperative actress in Hollywood. Ouch. We'll see. Up Jolie points out Kim Holland. She's making her entrance onto the ship.

SPEAKER_00 31:54

Under a barrage of flashes.

SPEAKER_03 31:57

Under four photographers and their individual flashes. It's blinding. It really is. And Kim Holland begins to pose. Kim Holland loves to pose, is one thing I've learned in this 90-minute episode. She says, That's enough. One photographer asks her for one more, and guess what? She's she's uncooperative. She's not going to cooperate.

SPEAKER_02 32:19

She said, No.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

He said no.

SPEAKER_00 32:22

Hey, hey, you know what, guy? Just take the photo.

SPEAKER_03 32:25

I know what's going to happen. And you there obviously it's the same photographers that are on the ship later to take the pictures for the promo. So it's do we not have enough money to get a different pool of photographers?

SPEAKER_00 32:37

Well, I mean, there's a lot. This this episode was brought to you by Flash Photography. I think it was those little yellow huts that would develop the film. Oh, the Kodak hut.

SPEAKER_03 32:49

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You drop them off. They had little tiny people in there because they were tiny.

SPEAKER_00 32:53

They were so small huts, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 32:54

They were small huts. You get tiny pictures back, which is a weird thing back then.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

What a waste.

SPEAKER_03 33:04

She says, Yeah, that's enough. Stubing says hello and starts introducing Doc, but Kim interrupts her with a power.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Two weeks in a row, Stuing gets one off.

SPEAKER_03 33:15

Stuff get the hell out of here. Stubing doesn't know what to do, so he goes to the old standby. I hope you'll be dining with me at my table. She goes, Nope.

SPEAKER_00 33:29

So there's another tough one for Merrill today.

SPEAKER_03 33:32

She's like, Nope, I'm not coming to your table. Basically, she said, she's I'm here to have I'm gonna have all my meals in my cabin.

SPEAKER_00 33:39

I'm gonna spend this wonderful luxury cruise in my four by eight cabin. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_03 33:46

Stubing is physically upset with this. He doesn't know how to process this. He can't believe how uncooperative she is.

SPEAKER_00 33:54

And Doc says No wonder you won the sour apple award. You're a shoe-in.

SPEAKER_03 33:59

Doc. I've heard of people being frozen after death, but never in the prime of life. A doctor a doc light episode this week, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 34:08

Yeah, but he had some good stuff in that horse. In that horse, yeah. Yeah. The Mona Maxwell, Richard Dawson, this episode, they have for the most part, this is how they treat the celebrities, right? There's some gaggle of photographers or newsmen or autograph seekers, and then they disappear and they're never bothered the rest of the crews.

SPEAKER_03 34:33

No passenger bugs and right. Nothing. Even Richie Jackson didn't get bugged.

SPEAKER_00 34:38

Exactly. Which is fine, except that then the one storyline they had with Janet from Three's Company, she didn't have this. Oh yeah. It's just like, but I I I like the shorthand of these people are so famous that all these random photographers. Is this is this Starlight magazine, you think? Yes, this is up. This is reputable. Is it what's his name's kid? Is it Walter Matthell's kid? Was he in there? Oh that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 35:05

Scuttle butt's out there, too. So it's just all these, just yeah, it's interesting. Mr. Benson approaches Kim. Good luck. He says he asks if he can have a word with her. It's very important. What what is hey? I've been watching your movies all my life.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

That's that's your important what what is it you like what there's no way this woman doesn't have mace or a gun or like a I know people who know people who are in Hollywood, and there's like a guy who like drops out of the ceiling basically. Like it's like, come on.

SPEAKER_03 35:42

You would never be in the spot. No, and you would never take a cruise because it they're a freak. You wouldn't know it because you get to whole hand out the gold cup.

SPEAKER_00 35:51

Well, I mean Acapulco spares no expense. You saw who they got to announce the race. Have you seen the racetrack? Come on. There's no they spent all their money on the PA guy.

SPEAKER_03 36:01

So they go Churchill, future home of the new Churchill Downs in about 150 years. We've just laid the dirt foundation.

SPEAKER_00 36:11

It's only the tenth, it's only the tenth year.

SPEAKER_03 36:14

It's only the 10 years. Jeez. She tells him they don't have to make an appointment with their secretary and walks away. As she should, by the way. Alright, so we're gonna talk about this, Mr. Garrett. Now listen, there is a I have a history on the show of mixing up names. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 36:37

Yeah, they didn't do you any favors here.

SPEAKER_03 36:39

No. Now two sources say it's Brett Garrett. They end up calling him Grant. I'm going Grant. Yeah, I thought Julie specifically said Grant. I think it's Grant. Yeah. But the other every other source had it listed as, so I'm just gonna refer to him as Garrett. That's fine. Or Robert Stack. Or Robert Stack. Or Captain, what's his name from airplane? Like that, Captain Bracken. Enter Elliot Ness in a white suit and a raspberry sherbert colored shirt. Quite a little mic. Hello. What a voice. Is he also is he wearing a hair piece, Mike? I was staring.

SPEAKER_00 37:22

It looked it's one of those things where you would say you could either go yes because it looked like that till the day he died. Yes. Or no because it looked like that till the day he died. So you know it's like Ash Blonde. Like it doesn't matter. If he did, he committed to the bit. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 37:41

Yeah. But it looks like somebody who has a really really good thing. I'm like, I don't know if he would off.

SPEAKER_00 37:51

If you but did he take the hat? Well, to be fair, I mean, mo he if it is his real hair, it really held up in all that rainy mist that he was always coming out of in Unsolved Mysteries.

SPEAKER_03 38:03

He was waterlogged for years on that show for 12 years. He was just pruning.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

It's like a steamp alley.

SPEAKER_03 38:10

Like it's just like he couldn't open a sealed bag of vegetables because his fingers were too wet.

SPEAKER_00 38:17

If you know where I can get a dry towel.

SPEAKER_03 38:22

Another great oh Howard Stack impression would be fantastic.

SPEAKER_00 38:25

What a great Halloween costume would be to go as this whole episode would be and once again we have gotten to the village people.

SPEAKER_03 38:34

No, we haven't even gotten to the reporter asked Mr. Garrett if his affair with the princess is over. So this is a different gaggle of reporters. It might be the same gaggle, probably the same gaggle.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

Well, unless it's like, you know how Starlight Magazine sent a photographer and a reporter. That's true. So maybe this is the reporters.

SPEAKER_03 38:53

It's funny to me that the photographer just can't ask the question.

SPEAKER_00 38:57

Yeah, or just a reporter can just snap a Polaroid link. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 39:03

He asked if his affair with the princess is over. Garrett says, it depends. Which princess do you mean? Another reporter, Cosmopolitan, just voted you the world's most eligible bachelor. Slow down. Slow down. What's the age group for the most eligible bachelor before we ask him for a comment? And he says the campaigning sure was fun. Give him damn. And then another reporter, why would a man with your wealth and power ride a horse in a steeplechase? And an answer that makes no sense. On a horse, the best I can come in is in second.

SPEAKER_00 39:40

Without a horse, the best I can come in is second.

unknown 39:43

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 39:45

I'm just disappointed in myself there. I feel like it did Robert Stack a disservice. I missed that first. If you know how these jokes are supposed to sound Garrett approaches Stubing and Doc with Julie standing close by, Stubing introduces Doc and uh Mike. Julie's got that look on her face. This guy checks all the boxes.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

This week.

SPEAKER_03 40:10

So no, no, no, you're right. You're right. Stubing introduces Julie to Garrett. We hear violins as Britt as Garrett kisses her hand. Oh shit. Here we go, Mike. Oh, shutry. So at this point, we see Stubing is grinning a bit at seeing this. We'll check in with him a little while.

SPEAKER_00 40:29

Yeah, his opinion shifts quickly. Wow.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

Garrett tells Julie, if all the sights are this lovely, this should be a wonderful trip. If you uh anyone you know have seen sights this lovely. Julie somehow manages to say thank you. Garrett's asked Stubing to spare Julie so she can. If you or anyone you know can give me a tour of the show, all right. Listen, old man, give me your daughter here. Julie jumps out of her skin. Of course, of course he can. And Stubing says, as you wish.

SPEAKER_00 41:06

Which is weird, sort of like as you wish. No, they were they were pre they were preceding Princess Bride.

SPEAKER_03 41:15

You have never seen Princess Bride? I've never seen that movie. My wife, it's a point, it comes up all the time in my mind.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

That is your wife has terrible taste in movies, but she's right about that. That is never outrageous. Yeah. Your kids aren't quite old enough yet, but they will be soon. That is that's worse than you not seeing Midnight Run. They started it. Which one? Midnight Run.

SPEAKER_03 41:46

Sometime in COVID I started it and it never went back to it.

SPEAKER_00 41:50

Started it at Midnight Run.

SPEAKER_03 41:51

I started about eight years ago, something like that. So you're gonna pick it up pretty soon. It's on pause on my Prime account. I just gotta it's just gotta go back to it, you know. Uh just there's a lot in the queue. Love mode.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

Um we're gonna stop and do a quick midnight run Princess Bride project.

SPEAKER_03 42:11

Real quick mashup. I have two screens, do it at the same time. Stubig, Miss McCoy. I hate to interfere in your private life, but where are Gopher and Isaac?

SPEAKER_00 42:23

No, you don't. You And that's and that's not actually like he yeah. He didn't. He just Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 42:30

Weird, man. Weird, weird stuping episode. It is, but we deserve this. We're we deserve to be happy. We just we've Yeah weird Stubing one. I agree. Julie said that they said they had to tend to some very big VIP. Stubing crosses his arms trying to figure out who this is, and we see Doc turning, seeing Isaac and go for leading a horse onto the ship through the lobby. Again, boy, this Stubing hit on top of the labels. How do you not smell it? How do you not like horses everywhere?

SPEAKER_00 43:03

Well, because like well, but here's the weird part, right? So it is the Acapulco steep Acapulco steeple chase. But like, so I assume there are a bunch of horses.

SPEAKER_03 43:16

So it's just a it's a three-horse race, is that what it is?

SPEAKER_00 43:20

But it was seven, so it was seven horses, but yeah, I guess they only because did Robert Stack's horse even you never saw Robert Stack going after his horse. So he probably had him flown in. So it really probably is just the two horses, which makes it even weirder. Some jobber horses, too. You know, the capitan of steep. Oh, I guess the I guess the village people horse could have been on there too. Yeah. Yeah. You're talking about magic night? Magic knight, the nineteen eighty one derby winner.

SPEAKER_03 43:47

So he's still running. He's still going somewhere, just humming magic night.

SPEAKER_00 43:52

Uh pretty sure I used Magic Knight in a construction paper project in kindergarten. So that's funny.

SPEAKER_03 43:59

That's very funny. Julie, who's still standing next to Stubing and Doc, yells, They're here.

SPEAKER_00 44:06

Mike, and then Doc with the worst introduction ever.

SPEAKER_03 44:10

The village people.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

No, he says, The village people.

SPEAKER_03 44:15

Yeah, he and I just want to say this. Now I skipped them in the co-stars. Let's get into this real quick. Number one, coming in hot. Have we ever seen a guest other than the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders that board a ship with a performance like this?

SPEAKER_00 44:34

I mean, I guess technically Ethel Merman and your boy came in singing we joined the Navy or whatever.

SPEAKER_03 44:43

That's uh wow, that's a good one. That's funny. The the we hear the village people, village people, uh, start performing a song in the Navy. And with that, we officially welcome the village people to the stubby nominee. Looks like we have some sort of biker wearing leather with a Rick Steiner mustache, beard, a Native American, a police officer, who is the gentleman that just passed away. He's like the lead singer. Right. A soldier, a cowboy, and a construction worker.

SPEAKER_00 45:17

I would say I didn't remember the soldier. If you had asked me to list them all, I probably would have gotten everybody else. I think the soldier would have been the one I wouldn't have gotten. But I think I also remember a lot of it from the Waynes World sketch in Village of the Village People.

SPEAKER_03 45:32

What what was America? Like wholesome America is supposed to make of the leather man. Like I don't know what okay. I see a construction worker like that make like a job. Yeah, like what do you do? What do you do dressed like that? I don't know what it's a good idea. It blew me away. Like, what are you doing? They welcome. I don't know what else to do. Everyone claps when they're done. It's amazing. But we're not done with these things.

SPEAKER_00 46:08

It was good. I thought it was a pretty good. I thought it was pretty, it was weird that they just that would be like Deacon Dark just coming in and shooting all fireworks.

SPEAKER_03 46:17

Just pew pew with the snake. Like everything's, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:21

And we'll we'll get to it obviously when we get to Magic Knight, too. But like you said, this is a stubby nominee. And that that means I believe, and you are doing a running stubby ballot this year. I believe our current best musical performance nominees are the village people and Vic Tayback. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 46:38

Yep. That is, yeah, you nailed it. Yep. It's been a rough, rough season for uh musical performances.

SPEAKER_00 46:45

I just want to stop the ballot now. No more songs.

SPEAKER_03 46:51

We have two Grammy nominees, Vic Tayback. Jeez.

SPEAKER_00 46:56

And Tayback's got like nine songs on that episode. He's got a bugle.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

And he does a cover of Magic Night, too, on the B side by Vic Tayback. Magic Knight! Oh, ding but boy, oh boy. I'm just it's just the weird part was the round of applause, like the studio applause sort of sound. Which the sound gets weird with them later, too. I make it.

SPEAKER_00 47:21

It's also that thing we always talk about when stuff goes on. Like, what if I'm just trying to get to my room and like the colour? I want peace and quiet. They posted up at the steps.

SPEAKER_03 47:30

Like just to just enter the ship with that. Holy crap. All queued up. Like what? No band?

SPEAKER_00 47:36

Like what plus these poor guys, they always are they always in costume? Like that's tough.

SPEAKER_03 47:41

Well, they're quite a vocal group, as someone will say later. The soldier, they walk up to Stubing Doc and Julie. The soldier says, I knew if we sang in the Navy long enough, we'd finally get here. Oof. The cowboy sings, too bad we didn't sing if I were a rich man. Okay. Julie welcomes him aboard. The police officer says that this is a hot looking ship, Captain. Stubing's feeling right on my down there. And Stubing's feeling pretty good. Police officer says, Too bad it's double parked. And hands Stubing a parking ticket. Mike, this guy's got so many empty ticket ticket books. This was you know this was his phone number was on there. Like it was his way. Oh, he's totally cruised, and Stubing's just completely oblivious to the whole thing.

SPEAKER_00 48:39

There's a cut scene where Vicky has to talk to him. I just want you to be happy. Whatever that means.

SPEAKER_03 48:45

Whatever it means. Why do men keep putting phone numbers in your pocket? I don't know, Vicky.

SPEAKER_00 48:52

You gave them your hat. You know what that means, don't you?

SPEAKER_03 48:55

Right? Yeah, I think you're actually a Native American chief now. We might have an issue. Doc asks if they're gonna race in a steeplechase. Of course, of course, you would ask the village people if they're gonna race in a steeplechase. The construction worker says, We have one horse and six saddles. And I was like, oh god, where is this gonna go? At which point I'm like, don't know, no. The leather man leans in and says, It's a long horse.

SPEAKER_02 49:25

I thought that was funny.

SPEAKER_03 49:27

It was funny. The leather man's got a funny voice. I will say that.

SPEAKER_00 49:32

The village people, as they went through the whole group, yeah, are better actors than the bench of the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders. Oh god, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 49:42

You know, so I had a weird thought seeing them. I was like, I wonder if you had to pick one. Well, we don't know how good they'll be. Like, I wonder if the the Harlem Globetrotters would be better at acting.

SPEAKER_00 49:55

Yeah, because I'll well, like the main guys will, but like how many people actually got microphone time on the Globetrotters, right? It was like Metal Arch Lemon and Curly Neil, right? Maybe one other person. So Metal Arch Lemon. Right. Like I don't know that the fifth Globetrotter is any better than the Leatherman or the They might have a line, like that fifth guy might have the long horse. Or the the girl who got sold to Schneider. Like I don't know. She's why don't you just tell me what a weird season rabbish.

SPEAKER_03 50:31

It's strange. We deserve this, though. We'd earn this. Stubing asks if they're gonna sing for them.

SPEAKER_00 50:39

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 50:40

We already did. We just did like two seconds ago. The Native American says, only if you join the group and then tell Stubing with some foreshadowing, you you have a crazy looking hat. Just a boat hat, man. I know Stubing should be offended. Stubby'd be like, get off my damn boat.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Plus, when you guys went to the costume shop and got your personas, I'm sure boat captain was in there, right?

SPEAKER_03 51:08

But this is how the village people go on a cruise? You're on a cruise. This is what you just live in the gimmick, right? These are like the horsemen of cabaret. I don't know what it is they do, but whatever they're doing. There's a lot of horsemen.

SPEAKER_00 51:21

Horsemen number one. There's a lot of horsemen in this one.

unknown 51:23

Whoo!

SPEAKER_03 51:24

Here we go. Julie tells them to enjoy their cruise. They leave, and Stubing says, They seem like a regular bunch of fellas and start singing in the Navy. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 51:36

That there were a couple comments like that that almost felt like, well, we need to get them over with Middle America.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

So no kidding. Because on one level, I thought it was kind of funny because it's like, oh, are they trying to Stubing's complete oblivious thing? They didn't go there.

SPEAKER_00 51:52

Yeah, they didn't go there. It almost felt like the village people were like, this'll give us a little bit of whitewash over the people that aren't over the church people that are trying to get us fired.

SPEAKER_03 52:03

I still say it's hard to explain why that guy's all in leather like that with like a harness on. That's all. Like that's all. That's a little weird to me.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

What is that you what exactly do you do here?

SPEAKER_03 52:14

What do you do? Why are you covered in leather? Like, what do you why do you have what is going on?

SPEAKER_00 52:20

Like I would love to see the Leatherman's LinkedIn page in 1980.

SPEAKER_03 52:27

Yeah. There was God only knows what would be on the leather bed's LinkedIn page.

SPEAKER_02 52:32

Woo!

SPEAKER_03 52:33

God, that's so funny. We hear the ship's horn and we're off. No ticker tape. A little bit of cut, you know, little cut scenes, nothing crazy. They could have had the horse on the ticker tape. That would have been great. Spitting out the ticker tape would have been great. Or the leather.

SPEAKER_00 52:47

By the way, Jessica, horrendous name for a horse.

SPEAKER_03 52:51

That is a terrible name for a horse. Like Gail. Give me something. Like, oh, like the wind.

SPEAKER_00 52:56

Nobody names their horse like a first name. There's always like something else. Well, not a three-syllable first name. No.

SPEAKER_03 53:04

Well, because my wife's name is three syllables, so well, either way. Well, you're not naming a horse anymore.

SPEAKER_00 53:11

Well, she'd be so mad if she was.

SPEAKER_03 53:15

Note to self buy a racehorse with podcast money. Done and done. The guy that looks like David Doyle walks into the horse's stables. Alright, my hat. Stop it. You have a stable, but you have to go down these stairs to have the stable. Number one. What if I'm a paying customer, it's gonna it's gonna smell horrible. So do you so what do you have a problem?

SPEAKER_00 53:43

So I th I thought it was the room where the blood cold was. Say that again? Unless it's like literally a room. So I know.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

I don't know where it's just an odd. But you know what? We deserve this. I'm not gonna I'm gonna let it go. Let's have a good time. I'm not gonna get it hemmed up. I will say, dog on the boat, I'm fine with it. Monkey on the boat, fine with it. Snake on the boat, fine with it. I'm not fine with horses on the boat.

SPEAKER_00 54:25

Why?

SPEAKER_03 54:26

I just think it's completely ridiculous to have horses on the boat.

SPEAKER_00 54:29

But it's the Acapulco steeplechain cruise.

SPEAKER_03 54:32

I know, and that's what I keep telling myself. But it's just it's just ridiculous. The tiny, you know, staircase.

SPEAKER_00 54:39

It's the ASCC. Come on, Mike.

SPEAKER_03 54:43

I don't know what I'm thinking. I need to get with it, is what I need to do. Lighten up. Lighten up.

SPEAKER_00 54:49

Come on, it is magic night.

SPEAKER_03 54:52

He walks up to the man with the giant glasses, asks him if this is Jessica. He says that's right. Oh, it's Jessica. We were gonna nail the David Doyle thing. We got a couple about an hour and a half left to really put this.

SPEAKER_00 55:06

By the time we start doing Charlie's Angels project, we'll be we'll be ready.

SPEAKER_03 55:09

So we'll be doing John Forsyth impressions. It's gonna be something. He says, 16 hands and all winner. Asked if he'd ever seen a race. I'm gonna call him Mr. Doyle. Says, I sure have, and I'm very impressed. Introduces himself as yeah. That's a little weird.

SPEAKER_00 55:28

He's stalking him like Tom. Yeah, he's stalking him like uh Tom Benson.

SPEAKER_03 55:31

Introduces himself as Cliff Logan, the man in glasses, introduces himself as Paul Willis. I I want to say it's very important to me when I do notes, and this is something we've talked about from the beginning of the show, is to not give anybody's name before that name is given in the episode. Right. And this episode is a prime reason why we do that, and we'll see why. But it really felt intentional, important, big picture-wise in the story. Cliff tells Paul that he owns a few horses, but he hasn't entered in the steeplechase. He says that fields too fast.

SPEAKER_00 56:09

Too fast, it's like me, the cruise ship Capanova.

SPEAKER_03 56:14

He offers Paul $75,000 for Jessica, which I did the math. That's $16 million today. There you go. You don't have to do it. I did all the decimals and all that. Paul says she's not for sale. Cliff says $100,000.

SPEAKER_00 56:29

Great, great skills, Cliff.

SPEAKER_03 56:33

How about $80,000? You know? No. Paul says, sorry, but it's nice to meet another horseman. I wrote, horseman. Paul invites Cliff to have dinner with him and his wife. Cliff accepts. Paul says, She's an incredible creature. Cliff says, You can't wait to meet her. Paul says, You just did. Then says, You mean my wife? She's nice too. It's a lot of this from Paul's one note.

SPEAKER_00 57:03

Paul is, in fact, obsessed with his horse.

SPEAKER_03 57:05

Horses and being like Quippy.

SPEAKER_00 57:07

You just rank and file is horse quips wife.

SPEAKER_03 57:13

That's it. That's it. She's currently in bronze medal status.

SPEAKER_00 57:18

You know, we'll see if that changes in the next and to be fair, by the end, it's it's Kim Holland. Right.

SPEAKER_03 57:27

So who Isaac enters the stables and Gopher's brushing a horse. Gopher tells Isaac about their hundred thousand dollar offer for Jessica. Isaac said, You must be hearing things. He must have said house. Oh, okay. Doc walks into the stable area, uh, introduces Doc to the, and Gopher introduces Doc to his new horse, basically. He asked him if they're out of their minds, tells him they don't know anything about horses. Isaac says you brush them, you feed them. Gopher says you race them. What's you know, what's not to know.

SPEAKER_00 58:06

So this episode had two jokes that I actually went back and rewound because I laughed so hard on them. And this is the first one where Gopher's like, we're gonna enter him, we're gonna enter him in the stakes, and Doc's like he couldn't win a meatloaf. Couldn't win a meatloaf?

SPEAKER_03 58:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I had that here, but I couldn't remember where it was placed, but it was a great line.

SPEAKER_00 58:26

I laughed so there's one later. I laughed so hard. It was like embarrassing how much I thought that was funny. It's a good line.

SPEAKER_03 58:35

So Doc says he's glad he's dealing with a couple of experts. Asked if the horse has a name. My favorite part of the episode. Isaac says we're thinking about calling him Captain Stubing. Doc says that'll make him think twice before throwing all three of you off the ship. And Isaac, he ain't gonna find out. Phil Harris, sure, ain't fine. Shoot. Come on. Phil Harris to ride a horse in this thing. Come on. Shit. Julie's given Garrett his tour of the ship, quote unquote. Their pool sign on the Lido deck. Oh god. Tells her to stop calling him Mr. or Garrett. Simple Your Highness will do. Ask Julie to get asked Julie to tell him more about herself. From a close family, small time in or small town in Oregon. Her mom's a great cook. Boring.

SPEAKER_00 59:39

I was so disappointed. I really thought we were gonna get like four or five Julie facts in there. No. We just got one we already had.

SPEAKER_03 59:45

Yeah, well, we get well, we get one here, too. He says that the only time his mother went near the kitchen was to fire the chef.

SPEAKER_00 59:52

Because I'm rich, bitch. This guy's like a grown-up Kevin from the Mr. Barrett episode.

SPEAKER_03 59:59

Very then he gets kind of tells Julie to close her eyes. Ask her what the first thing in that pops in her mind when you think of your childhood. Julie says, Poach salmon and red sneakers. Boo.

SPEAKER_00 1:00:21

Great move by Garrett, though, right? This is his move every time because now he can do this little bit that he does later. Oh. It's like when uh he dyed the sneakers. It's like when a fortune, it's like when a fortune teller like meets you backstage or something.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:36

It's yeah, it's well, there's more going on here too. We'll we'll talk about these red sneakers in a moment. I don't know how long Garrett lived after what how he dyed those sneakers, but more to come on that in a moment. Julie explained she used to go on hikes in her red sneakers and then come home to eat her mom's poach salmon. Julie tells Garrett, it's your turn. Tells him to close his eyes. We see Stubing watching all of this with his not the same face he had before. He's a little concerned, you know that judgy face acting, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:12

Just very this is a very like early season two, Stubing. Yeah, yeah. Before they figured it out.

SPEAKER_03 1:01:21

Julie asks Garrett what the first thing that pops in his mind is, and he says, How much I'd love to. To which Julie begins hyperventilating before he even finishes his sentence. And he's like, Have dinner with you tonight. Also, Julie should never play poker. I mean, you talk about a lack of he he he said one, two, three, four, he said one, two, three, four words in a contraction, and she was like, I would love to what did she think he was gonna say? I mean, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:01:55

Listen, it's a prince, man. It's a prince who's coming in hot. Good for Julie.

SPEAKER_03 1:02:01

Like Schneider prints better, I gotta tell you. Just easier to deal with, you know? Julie says you're on. He puts his arm around her and they walk right in front of Stubing without acknowledging his presence. I thought that was like a weird. And Stubing looks even more concerned. Still no commercial at this point, which we'll talk about that as well. Very long in between commercial breaks for the first act. Mr. Benson's walking in the cabin hallway, knocks on cabin PR266. A woman answers who looks just like well, who looks exactly like Kim Holland. But she has on a brown wig, glasses, and a not so great fake English accent.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

What are you talking about? What are you talking about?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:48

Like, what region is that of England is that from?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:51

I thought it was like, man, how did they get how did they get Dame Judy Dench to be on the love boat?

SPEAKER_03 1:02:56

Who is Rich Little throwing his voice? What's going on here?

SPEAKER_00 1:02:59

Oh, that's a good point. Do you think she learned voices when she was engaged to Rich Little for that episode?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:04

I mean, it's all coming together now. We love continuity. Man. It's funny, so I was thinking, I was like, well, as bad as this disguise in is, she still has two more layers of disguise than Clark Kent had. Like you would think if like I just wrote Superman in a Dopey Wig and a bad English accent would have been fun to watch. What if Clark Kent was a bumbling Englishman instead of like a reporter?

SPEAKER_00 1:03:32

That's awesome. My main well, it would have been the Avengers. My main question is she answers the door knock like within two seconds. Nobody answers that door that quick. Well, I was gonna say, is she like does she live in the Doris outfit the whole time?

SPEAKER_03 1:03:50

She waits by the door. She doesn't sleep, she just perches like an owl by the door.

SPEAKER_00 1:03:54

Shouldn't it have been Mrs. Doubtfire style? Like she's Russian, she's got like the wig half on.

SPEAKER_03 1:03:58

Like she's but you know, like if Kim Holland, right, and she said the beginning of the thing, if she didn't want to, and again, we deserve it, if she didn't want to be bothered, which she clearly said, it's not dinner time. I don't know why you would answer the door.

unknown 1:04:10

Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:11

Right. But but especially why would you answer the door dressed as your character?

SPEAKER_03 1:04:14

Like that's what I'm saying, Mike. You you poo-pooed me. We might be dealing with a few different personalities here. I did poo-poo you.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:24

I mean, just but so far this is only two characters. That's my only thing.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:29

We do need the third, who does come up later.

SPEAKER_00 1:04:32

That's what I feel like I need to explain to you.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:35

Fair enough. Fair enough. He introduces himself as Tom Benson, the future owner of the New Orleans Saints, a few years before he bought the team. No kidding. Tells you that Kim Holland told him to talk to her about talking to her, which is unnecessarily complicated. Yeah, just she basically saying I she always tells people that, and I get lumbered with them. And this Benson guy is just clearly Will you ask her if she wants to have dinner with me tonight? Bro. What are you doing here?

SPEAKER_00 1:05:06

Like this is like asking what do you like amazing? They are they're positioning her as a major motion picture star.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:16

Well, she has four photographers twice. Yeah. I mean, it's more famous than me, you know.

SPEAKER_00 1:05:23

So that is true. That is true. No one has knocked on your door. Nobody.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:28

I'm accepting all photographers at this point. Yeah. But still, the other framing her as this giant star. Wouldn't you also? I don't know, they're a little loosey-goosey with her who's on the ship and cabin numbers, and this and this and this, and terrible security on this boat. Terrible security. I forgot I'm hosting. I got sucked up into it. Secretary Sage, that's quite impossible. She'll be dining in the cabin. Tom Benson says, I'm afraid you don't understand. I've really been calling for years. What? Let me ask you, if you're if you're her in this situation, why are you just not end of just a closed door and a phone call? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:06:23

No, I agree. There's there's no and again, this is where like Yeah, like because he's not handsome, right? He is he's playing Jim Wright again, basically. Right. He's not smooth. They have pointed out that she is a bad person. Like it's almost like if you had done it the other way, where she actually is the secretary, but she has this like broad personality to kind of chase people away. Like that would almost be more interesting. But like no one's getting run off by the secretary, and then she basically forgets within 10 seconds of all the things that are going to be a problem with her act.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:03

She just completely ignores the whole thing and she just ditches. Where's the oh I sent her home? What? Right. Right. Uh by the way, I think she looks better with brown hair.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:14

It's hard to tell because it's so different, but we've talked about this before. That hair is just not something we is it a wig?

SPEAKER_03 1:07:21

I know we know we talked about it, but it looked more wiggy than the wig.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:25

It did look more wiggy than the wig, yeah. So but I I I don't understand how hair worked in 1980 either. Like because I assume it's bleached, so it's just not a good look.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:35

You know what I mean? Like it could have been I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:38

Well, maybe that's why that's why Tom Benson fell in love. That's why Tom Benson fell in love with the British secretary.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:44

Yeah, she took that wig off and he was like, no, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:48

Oh, you're Kim Holland. I had the wrong person in mind. Sorry. I was looking for him, Collins.

SPEAKER_03 1:07:54

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 1:07:55

I was looking for Kenerson. I was looking for Ken Holland, the general manager of the Edmonton Oilers. I apologize.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:01

This is not looking for that seniors cruise that were here somewhere. They're all dead. They're all dead now. No, they haven't eaten in months. Poolside, Stubing walks up to Paul Willis's wife, who has still not been introduced at this point. Stubing asks if she's enjoying herself. She says, uh, Mrs. Willis says I'll be enjoying it more if my husband was here. Stubing says there must be a lot of that going on. I seem to have misplaced my crew. Okay, we deserve it. We deserve this one.

SPEAKER_00 1:08:34

This is well, it was nice because we actually got a Mary Tyler Moore fan service, which we did not get with Ted Knight. So that was cool.

SPEAKER_03 1:08:43

Yeah. Here comes Isaac in a Robin's egg jacket. Very nice. Again, it's still weird for him to be delivering drinks, but we deserve this. We're good. We're good. I'm not gonna. Uh he brings Willis, uh, Miss Willis, a drink looks to be a gin and tonic. Stubing asks Isaac and go for where they've been. He says, Big ship, lots of thirsty passengers, lots of things to do, and walks away.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:06

He wouldn't understand.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:08

Yeah, no, he wouldn't know what work is.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:10

We're all busy, so Mrs.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:12

Willis says, You're lucky they don't have a horse. You'd never see them, which is if you or someone you love has a horse. Tom Benson's still sitting in Kim Holland's doorway. The secretary opens the door, says that Kim Holland will meet him promptly at 7.30 in the dining room. I don't know why. Tom says, Let's make it 7.35. I want to play hard to get. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:40

Yeah, if this is always Kim Holland's bit, she doesn't have it down well. She should have been like, I'll see you at midnight.

SPEAKER_03 1:09:47

But if she's just trying to duck him, why even answer your door? Right.

SPEAKER_00 1:09:50

Or why then show up to blow him off?

SPEAKER_03 1:09:53

Like right. Like you're just or show up as a third person. And boy, a man with a very large arrangement of red roses is knocking on Julie's cabin door. Gift shop, Mike, has this many roses on hand?

SPEAKER_00 1:10:08

I thought they I'm glad to see they finally replenished from when that guy bought Gopher's neighbor all those roses.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:13

I was thinking about that. I was like, boy, they haven't had an order like this. They probably thought that was like a prank call. You need how many? Yeah, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:24

I'll have you killed.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:26

I'm a prince. If you or someone you love.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:29

I'll never find your body because it's my show.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:32

Oh, God. Julie answers her door and says, yes, says, Thank you, just as Stubing and Vicky walk up. Stubing says, I didn't know it was International Cruise Directors Week.

SPEAKER_00 1:10:42

You probably wouldn't either. You didn't know it was her birthday either.

SPEAKER_03 1:10:44

Yeah, Vicky asks who they're from. They're from Jack Cheneau. Oh no. Oh no, head games. Headgames. Julie says they're from Grant. And I write, who the hell is Grant? Stubing says, Garrett. Julie says, don't you Stubing says, Julie, don't you think he's a little mature for you? Julie says, that's the silliest thing I've ever heard. Besides, there's nothing between us. Stubing, except maybe 30 years.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:17

Alright, Merle.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:19

Yeah, let's. In all of the examples that we've seen of maybe old young.

SPEAKER_00 1:11:27

Is this the wor I don't think this is the I mean it's pretty much equal to her and Paul Burke, and no one made a comment there. And then we're not even getting into like Stubing made a run at the Kissing Bandit Blonde, Stub made a run at Connie Stevens, you know, Doc hooked up with those twins. Like of course it's it's ridiculous. Yeah, it's weird.

SPEAKER_03 1:11:50

It's dinner time, Mike. Paul, his wife, we are we have still not gone to our first break yet. I just want you to know that it is a crazy long act. Dinner time, Paul's wife and Cliff are having dinner. Paul's talking about his horse, Jessica, as their massive dinners are being delivered to the table. Mike, these are different horse. She oh just like grandma used to make.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:17

How fierce I am about the steeplechase.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:20

That's what they're having. They're having the next cruise is magic night night. You know what I mean? So but these I just it killed me like watching these plates and these portions. I mean, these were like home cooked meals on the on a cruise ship, big thump with these plates.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:35

Well, you know, Mike, I don't know if you heard, but it's the Acapulco steeplechase.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:39

That is true. I guess you want a carbo load, right? You know, you gotta see. If you're the world's largest jockey, yeah, I don't know how that works either.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:46

We're the world's oldest jockey.

SPEAKER_03 1:12:48

Yeah, this guy. If you or someone else you know is too big to be a jockey, he's way too big to be a jockey.

SPEAKER_00 1:12:55

Like 15 pounds or something. Most of them are like even Felipe, Felipe or wherever the hell his name was.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:04

Just you it's too big. Or I mean the Native American was even too big.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:09

That was comical. He was he was pulling a Shawn Michaels SummerSlam, overselling. I love it. Soon as the dinner play touches the tablecloth, Paul starts talking about Jessica again. Cliff, are you sure she's not for sale? I'll give you 110,000. Boy, this guy, just the shrewdest.

SPEAKER_00 1:13:29

At least he dropped the he dropped the integers.

SPEAKER_03 1:13:32

Yeah, no kidding. 180. What? Paul says, No way. Jessica's the most important thing in my life. Mrs. Willis hears this, clears her throat. What's the matter, honey? Is something caught in your throat? And Cliff, scumbag Cliff here. Look at us talking shop and ignoring your lovely wife. Ask Mrs. Willis to please forgive them. Cliff says, Paul, you're a lucky guy. At which I'd go, What's your problem, Cliff? You know what I mean? Hey, we're here to talk about Jessica.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:04

So is Cliff Logan just another alias for Alan McNair? Same guy.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:12

And he works with Charlie and the Angels. It's all it's the ABC family, Mike. That's what this is.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:18

That's true. He met all these people at the Aaron Spelling family picnic.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:22

That's right. Dynasty. It's where storylines weave, weave in and out for a whole weekend.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:27

So it's really uh Yeah. Have you seen the episode about the actress who's trying to hide or the actress who's trying to hide?

SPEAKER_03 1:14:36

The three-hour block of television tonight on ABC. Hope you like Lonnie Anderson in the same role twice. Although I bet you Barbie Benton is in the role.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:47

I bet you she's in the the I wonder if Lonnie Anderson is possessed.

SPEAKER_03 1:14:53

That sounds fun to me, right? Like something different.

SPEAKER_00 1:14:57

I want to see her be the actress, but she's a brunette actress who puts on a Lonnie Anderson wing.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:03

So that's the only difference. Inside Out World.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:06

And she wears glasses and then has to put contacts in. So yeah, it's literally just for all of these things. We're gonna watch that. I'm gonna I'm gonna find it. Yes, please. So Tom Benson says Also, apologies. It's the fourth of July weekend as we record this, so I'm getting blown up back here in case you can hear it.

SPEAKER_03 1:15:25

Yeah. I can't hear it actually. You're good. Tom Benson's sitting alone in the dining room. Secretary walks up, tells him Miss Holland won't be able to join him. She's feeling a bit under the weather. She tries to walk away. Tom, maybe you'd like to join me for a drink. Real quick end of the storyline. Secretary goes, No, I'm good. And she just keeps on walking.

SPEAKER_00 1:15:45

I don't know you. I don't know you. You don't know me. Are you this lonely? What were you gonna do if I didn't answer the door?

SPEAKER_03 1:15:52

Right. You just gonna sit here and just stare at this bottle of wine? Yeah. Tom asks her just to sit with him for a while. Well, he well, first he says, I hate to see a perfectly good bottle of wine go to waste. Yuck, yuck, yuck.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:05

Well, don't buy it before she shows up, you dummy. Dummy.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:08

Jesus. She joins him at the dinner table. He pours wine and says, Here's to us. Asks her name. She says Doris Wilson, they cheers. So I guess she's well, went in Rome, right? Cheers away, and I'm just gonna start drinking now.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:21

I'm not I'm not a brilliant man by any means, but I feel like you don't toast here's to us before you know the person's name.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:30

So that's a hell of a point, Mike. That is a hell of a what do you you're cheersing to nothing? You don't know here's to us, you don't even know my name. Yeah, that's a really bad cheers. Or here's to new friends, you could do that. You know what I mean? Like, oh, what you're doing.

SPEAKER_00 1:16:46

Here's to learning your name.

SPEAKER_03 1:16:48

Here's to that bitch Kim Hall and Clink, you know? Oh, Mike. We're looking at a very the saddest captain's table in the history of this show. It has six chairs, it's round, and it's in the middle of the dining room, and like nobody's there. Garrett's not there, no guests are there. It's Doc, Vicky, and Julie, and Stubing. That's it. God, what a what we have boy, we have fallen.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:21

Well, to be fair, it is it is so bad that Stubing has to comment on how bad it's gotten.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:30

Right. He's so sad about it. Everyone just leaves him. He's so sad. Stubing asks where Garrett is. Ask Julie if he's coming. Julie says, I don't know, but he didn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:17:41

Oh no, man, he said he was. I'm not a relaxed burn, old man.

SPEAKER_03 1:17:45

Jeez, eager. Stubing says, first Kim Holland declines my invitation. Then Mr. Garrett doesn't show up. Doesn't sitting at the captain's table count for anything anymore? Short answer, no. No, no. And and how healthy can these people be with eating cruise food all the time? Like how much how much chicken picada can you have and in a month? Reveal scalapini again.

SPEAKER_00 1:18:10

Have have you thought, Merrill, that maybe they were trying to get to the captain's table, but it moves every five minutes, so you can't find it.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:16

I think they can't stomach the food that's served, too. Like you just or the conversation? It's the same, it's scripted too. Tell me about yourself. Me? It's just ugh. Gopher runs up to Isaac, says that it's Captain Stubing. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I lost my track. I was just annoyed. A man in a white tuxedo delivers a note to Julie. Julie asks Stubing to excuse her. Mr. Garrett wants to see her. She gets up and leaves. Stubing does not look happy. Gopher runs up to Isaac, says it's Captain Stubing. He's making funny noises. And Isaac says, Good one-liner, well, it's his ship.

SPEAKER_02 1:18:55

Just kind of made me giggle.

SPEAKER_03 1:18:57

Horse, Captain Stubing. I think he's sick, and they decide to go get Doc. Isaac and Doc arrive at the captain's table to get Doc. Gopher says he needs Doc because one of the passengers is not feeling well. Basically, Isaac they're alluding it to it the fact that it's a horse, not saying it's a horse. He's like, Yeah, Doc, he's a little horse. Doc finally gets it, said he shouldn't stall him any longer, and he excuses himself. So now it's just Vicki and Stubing at the prestigious captain's table. Vicki asks to be excused, says she's not hungry. Vicky leaves, and now this is the saddest captain's table in the history of the show. That is just honeymoon salad, let us alone, just him by himself. And with this, at 19 minutes and 53 seconds, we go to our final our first break.

SPEAKER_00 1:19:53

A while since we've been a 20-minute act, it's a long time. Oh well, like there's a lot of there's a lot of filler behind it.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:01

Julie knocks on cabin PR301. Mr. Garrett answers. She calls him Grant again. And again, I just big notes. Why is she doing that? His name is Brett. I confirm with two sources. Garrett's cabin has dinner set up with candles and champagne. He snaps his fingers and says, Gentlemen, and two violin players enter the room. This guy might come on. If you or I mean this guy is a sweet.

SPEAKER_00 1:20:28

If you or someone you know needs a wind instrument or a string instrument.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:35

At the snap of a finger. Long story short, he takes the lid off of dinner and it's a pair of red shoes. He says that he says, that's as close to red as I could get with one bottle of. Did you catch this?

SPEAKER_00 1:20:53

I did not.

unknown 1:20:56

No God.

SPEAKER_03 1:20:57

Which you know I love weird stuff like that. So I went, did you know, I I I reached out to our research department, which BS it's me. And McCurachrome.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:11

That's the Paul, that's the Paul Simon song, right?

SPEAKER_03 1:21:18

Oh, I wasn't ready for that one. That was really good.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:21

Mama don't take my micurichrome away.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:25

Topical antiseptic that leaves a bright red stain due to the mercury content. The original formula is no longer sold. So these sneakers soaked in mercury are just out in the open for everyone to breathe in.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:39

Well, luckily they had them under the tray. You know they're not washing that tray either. Ever.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:44

Ever. They just put red food on it. They don't care. Oof. Back in the stalls.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:50

If you or someone you know died on a cruise of mercury poisoning.

SPEAKER_03 1:21:54

Mercurichrome.

SPEAKER_00 1:21:56

In the Thanksgiving of 1980 time period.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:00

Kidding. Did you have a cut treated with mercurichrome? Back in the stalls, Doc is looking at Captain Stubing the horse. Doc's saying, look, I'm a people doctor. Gopher explains they sent their they spent their life savings on this horse. How much how much do you think they spent?

SPEAKER_00 1:22:16

I mean, I assume I thought maybe he spent the money that he got for the uh Mallory quest last week.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:25

I totally forgot about that. Doc checks the horse, says there's nothing wrong, says the horse needs some fresh air and exercise and leaves. And there's horse crap everywhere. That's the other thing.

SPEAKER_00 1:22:37

This is worse than the monkey.

SPEAKER_03 1:22:38

Yeah, this is just a bad. Now we're in the Acapulco Lounge. Tom Benson is dancing with Secretary Doris Wilson. She asks if he's thinking about Kim Holland. He says yes, and how glad he is to be how glad he is to be here with you instead. He goes on to say that women put him in a sense of panic until he met Doris. There's nothing to panic about, Tom Benson. It's all about being just as cool as the other side of the pillow.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:07

You've already breached the hardest part of this.

SPEAKER_03 1:23:10

Yeah, no kidding. You sat in the doorway like you Garrett's dancing with Julie, and they're not really dancing, Mike. They're kind of like barely moving and staring at each other's neck. It was a weird, like it was just weird.

SPEAKER_00 1:23:26

Would this have been better? Would the Tom Benson thing have been better if everything is the same way, but he's not on the ship to meet Kim Ben Kim Holland? He's just on the ship, and Lonnie Anderson in costume goes out to get something to eat and they fall in love, and then he finds out that it's Kim Holland's costume. Wouldn't that be better?

SPEAKER_03 1:23:51

I agree. I do think it would be better, and you know who would be great at this role, and as you were saying it, it just popped in my head. This would have been a great Tom Hanks.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:03

No, you're right. Like it would have fit into you know the reluctant situation or kind of and it would have taken the creepy out, I believe.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:11

Well, and it also, if you had just played him like Jim Wright the first time, it would have been fine too. Like a you know, timid saudit.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:19

Something. You know what I mean? Like it just I don't think he's the right guy for that role.

SPEAKER_00 1:24:24

No, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 1:24:27

Stooping Doc and Gopher at the bar with Isaac, all of them watching Julie and Garrett. Doc says, only two things. Oh, is this is this one of your favorite one-liners here? Because he had a good one here. No. Only two things can make a man look like that. Falling in love and watching an ex-wife get remarried, which man made me laugh when he said that. Gopher says that Garrett has a reputation for being a womanizer. Stubing says maybe he should cut in for just one dance, which I wrote, that's against the established cut-in rules that we've defined over the history of the show. Am I right?

SPEAKER_00 1:25:05

Yeah, well, luckily he gets his just dessert. He gets his just dessert when he cuts in.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:12

But it's just, you know what I mean? Just not. Stubing walks up, he asks to cut in. Garrett says, Of course, Julie's not cool with this. Well, it wasn't they wouldn't dance for long because there was a whole lot of entertainment about to go down.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:26

Well, but to be fair, Stubing starts in on his you're, you know, be careful. And Julie's like, I don't know if you notice. I'm a big girl now. Big girl now? Fuck it. I have to go do my job.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:37

So it's just and then runs to the wireless mic.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:40

Yeah, it was uh Stubing getting his advice refuted and being told that to stop dancing. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:50

Quickly, too. It it that scene with him and her couldn't have been more than a minute.

SPEAKER_00 1:25:55

No, that was great.

SPEAKER_03 1:25:56

Good for Julie. Good for Julie. I ain't got time for that. Up at showtime, Mike. Julie asks everyone to take her seats. Well, I don't know why you take your seats because you're about to jump right back out of them. You might as well stay standing.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:10

You paid for the whole seat, but you only need the edge.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:14

And they have a very special treat. Is it a very special treat if it already happened on the main deck earlier? It's a different song. It is a magic night, though, Mike. It is a magic night. Is it magic night with an N or with a K? Just think about that. Or an N-I-T-E or an N I-G-H-T. Magic Kite. You know, could be one of those. Yeah. Like Ben Franklin. As this is happening, we see Garrett being approached by a woman. She grabs his arm. He says, lovely gown, and she walks away with sort of a weird interaction. Julie's explaining that one of the horses in a steeplechase is named Magic Knight.

SPEAKER_00 1:26:57

Magic Knight.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:00

Turns out the village people own the horse, named him after one of their songs, and they are here to perform that song right now. Julie calls them a very exciting vocal group. And we get our second village people performance and yet another stubby nomination for the village people.

SPEAKER_00 1:27:21

Magic Knight. Which I don't think I'm supposed to, but yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:27

No, no, this is the big number. I thought they were gonna get another song in, to be honest, because I thought this was early. It was weird. You could hear the steps. I don't know why they did that. You hear like chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk, chunk, like the shuffle of the feet. And I'm like, we know this isn't real audio. I don't know why you're bothering to who's who's the ADR guy here? Who's who's doing it?

SPEAKER_00 1:27:47

They have all the extra they have all that extra ADR this year they're not using because Julie's okay.

SPEAKER_03 1:27:50

So Julie's yeah, she's uh you just have people stepping on wooden things in a room adding sound old like an old radio drama. It's like Yeah. Where's the horses? Cla-clop, cla claw. It was just we go to our second commercial break. I mean, you kind of have to after the village people, don't you think?

SPEAKER_00 1:28:11

Well, they dropped the balloons. They dropped them on the village people. They dropped them like when Charo showed up and sang that one time. But like, what time is it? Like, is the is dancing over now? Because there's balloons everywhere. Dinner just started. That giant plate that horseman number one's eaten is gonna be filled with balloons.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:30

Might be horse, too. You never know. The weird thing here is I've been to a bunch of shows where they've released balloons, New Year's Eve shows, whatever, and they always release them on the crowd. Not on the band only and not on the crowd. So it's like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:45

Mike, this is where this is where the cage is rigged above the stage. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03 1:28:50

Something where they can only afford like eight balloons. Like we're not gonna waste them on the plebes.

SPEAKER_00 1:28:55

It just seems unnecessary. You already have everybody there. It's like a well-lit dinner room.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:01

Like very unnecessary for Boulevard balloon drop after a maybe a two-minute lip-sync magic night.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:09

Magic night?

SPEAKER_03 1:29:10

Maybe for YMCA, completely different. Yeah, I really can't believe it for YMCA.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:14

I honestly can't believe they got off the boat without singing that. I think YMCA was after this. Oh. I think prior. Buoyed by the success of this loveboat appearance. This is like a and their sixth place finish in the Acapulco steeplechase classic.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:32

Oh well, second to last without the horse. You know what I mean? That counts for something.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:37

Hey, it's not last.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:38

Oh, we're getting better. That's true. We're getting uh we're back and Mrs. Willis is getting ready for bed. She sprang perfume on, which seems like a weird thing to do to get ready for bed. Like, let me just spray some.

SPEAKER_00 1:29:47

You don't know what you don't know what Paul Willis is into. You know what that that perfume is called? It's a horse, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:29:53

It just smells like his horse. It's Stetson, you know? Equestrian by Men. Loves it. Steeplechase. Now available in the merch store. Steeplechase Toilette. Paul Willis comes out of the bathroom in a full cowboy outfit. Tells her he has to go get Jessica ready for bed. I'm like, what are you doing to get her ready for bed? Like what are you role-playing? Like, what's going on? What is Jessica dressed as? Like, what is is she a Native American? What is going on here? Good lord. She is not happy. He's method.

SPEAKER_00 1:30:33

Paul Willis's method, if nothing else.

SPEAKER_03 1:30:36

He says, uh, you could go with me, but you you know, but you you don't know what to do and leaves the cabin. And Mrs. Willis says, Neither do you. Yeah, won won. Facts. Tom Benson uh Saints is walking with Secretary Doris Wilson. She tells him that he had she had a lovely time. Tom, this is where you're supposed to invite me in for an after dinner drink. Dinner and dancing did go very well. She says, It is, we did, and I'd love to. But Kim is in her cabin. And I think that she really believes that Kim is in her cabin.

SPEAKER_00 1:31:12

I really think it's a great it's a great reason to turn down these unwarranted advances, though.

SPEAKER_03 1:31:20

100%. They smooch outside of the cabin. What Peter says, asks if she'll see her tomorrow. She says, Oh, yes, Tim Kim doesn't know what she missed tonight, which takes me right back to England the way she said it. My eyes were closed, and I felt like it's real Dickensian stuff. Yeah, it was from Jane Austen, this one. She enters her cabin and says goodnight to Tom Benson. In Gloria's cabin, she sits down, and this is some acting from Lonning here, looks in the mirror, takes off her glasses and takes off her wig, the brown one, and says, Oh, Kim, you're headed for trouble. Which is what I do every day when I take my face off.

SPEAKER_00 1:32:04

I'm like, oh, not since not since Kimberly took her wig off to reveal her brain scar. Have there been such drama? Just wait. And that was another spelling show. Spelling just kept ribbing himself up.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:19

I love it. I love it. Scars and like actresses who want to like privacy. He loves it. We are back in the Willis cabin. Uh Mrs. Willis is in bed reading a book. What time do you figure it is? What time of night is this? 11 o'clock. All right. She hears a knock on her cabin door at this time of night. She answers the door, assuming it's Paul, but why would Paul knock on the door?

SPEAKER_00 1:32:44

Well, she asked if he forgot his key. That's right.

SPEAKER_03 1:32:46

But nope, it's Cliff. Cliff says, Is Paul Bill Paul busy? He looks like my offer to $8 billion. No kidding. Cliff apologizes. Mrs. Willis says, He's busy, alright, with Jessica. Cliff, in s instead of with you, the man is demented. Cliff says, I'll catch you at breakfast. Cliff's not done.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:10

No.

SPEAKER_03 1:33:11

Cliff leaves, comes back, asks if she would like to have a nightcap and do a little dancing with him. Over my dead body. Cliff. I will I will I will throw you right off this ship, sir. She says, What about Paul? Cliff says, Three for dancing, no fun. Which I thought was kind of a funny line. And she agrees and says she'll go get changed. Okay, well.

SPEAKER_00 1:33:34

I mean, drinks, drinks isn't anything. Dancing? Dancing. Well, but here's the thing. You are but she's mad. This guy's being, you know, he's being a horse lover, not a wife lover. Yeah, but this is this is egregious right here. Oh, I don't think you would have handled it well. No. But I also don't think you would have been going on a cruise and spending all of your time.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:00

Unless it was uh a poodle down below in a stall. I'll be right back. Go check on Piper.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:05

The man who loved poodles. Oh, that's funny. Oh, you would have absolutely given that guy $75,000 to $100,000 for that poodle.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:15

I would have been like, he would have been like $75, I'd have been like, here's $200. Go ahead. Julie and Garrett are walking on deck. He finds a perfect spot and lands a smooch on her. And somehow Julie looks surprised, which is so weird to me. Like, how do you maybe?

SPEAKER_00 1:34:31

Hey, listen, except for Gopher, Julie hasn't been kissed much in the last year or so.

SPEAKER_03 1:34:37

Garrett puts pulls a necklace out of his pocket, puts it on Julie. He could have just given it to her, right? That's sort of a putting a saddle on a horse kind of thing, right? Like putting a saddle on let me knight you, bow, like that kind of thing. Like, hey, I can put it on myself, you know? Get out of here.

SPEAKER_00 1:34:55

I don't think handing a woman a necklace. Are you saying like not even in the box? Just like loose like. Not even in the box. Just loose. Put your hand out.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:05

It's in like a leather bag, you know, loose in the bag. Yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:09

Oh, it's not even strung.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:11

I wouldn't even touch the leather bag. I would push it with a stick towards her. Here you go. There you go. And that's yours.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:16

That's why you finished second in Cosmopolitan's most eligible bachelor.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:20

That's right. I'm never going to win with this behavior. Julie says she can't accept this. You know, Garrett goes, not even from your future husband. God, boy, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:35:32

What a backdoor proposal that is, too.

SPEAKER_03 1:35:35

He had that plan too. It's just. Jeez. Tells her that he wants her to be his wife. Goes on to tell her that they'll have the life everyone dreams of. Life's full of chances. Take this one and you won't regret it. If you or someone tells her not to give an answer now, sleep on it tonight and tell me tomorrow. They smooch again. He says good night and walks away.

unknown 1:35:59

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:01

So this is, I believe, Julie's third marriage proposal that we've seen. Right. But yet none of them have been real proposals.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:14

No, yeah, this is kind of uh Stanfield.

SPEAKER_00 1:36:16

Remember Buddy Stanfield? That was that weird word where she wasn't even sure that he was asking. Chanot, I I think they just talked about it, right? But it was like never it was just kind of like more about going to Alaska raising the kids, kind of thing. And then this, it's like, let's hey gentlemen, let's get a ring. Let's get a knee here. Let's go. Take a knee, boys. Let's come on. It's just crazy. Julie's having a good Julie's having a comeback season, boys. Let's let's get a ring out there. Come on. Put that necklace away. And let's hit let's hit Zales and get a ring, Prince.

SPEAKER_03 1:36:50

No kidding. Let's get some CZ or something. Let's not jump. I was gonna say that that necklace is not. Although you never got a really super clear look at it. We just have to assume it's some some awesome.

SPEAKER_00 1:37:03

I thought it was like see, I thought it had candy in it. It's funny. Everything's horse related.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:14

Everything's horse related with this guy. His bed is horsehair, everything's dyed as horse. Stubing's in bed, and Isaac and Gopher are walking Captain Stubing the horse at 4 a.m. As Isaac is calling out the horse's name, the human Stubing hears this and wakes up. Stubing, which who wakes up and yells, This is Captain Stubing, who is calling me?

SPEAKER_00 1:37:38

We saw this guy sleep through an entire morning on the deck. And then they like had they were bringing in breakfast and coffee, and he didn't budge. She didn't even budge. And now he's hearing through it's not like his cabin is like on the stairwell.

SPEAKER_03 1:37:57

No, it's not, it shouldn't be near anything. And also he has his Ebenezer Screw shirt, shirt sleep shirt on. So we did I miss it? Oh stooping. You missed it.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:10

Checking on your daughter, dude. No kidding. Like you shouldn't be able to hear outside because you have your noise machine on.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:18

Well, he sleeps so well because he's always so full. You know what I mean? You know how that is.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:22

That's what it is. It was a bad captain's table. Yeah, he didn't eat.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:30

He likes to pick off other people's plates, too, I would imagine.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:33

Uh captain's tax. I get 30% of your fresh fries. It's an old sheet sea shanty.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:43

If you don't give me your fries, I will crash the ship. There you go. It's real simple.

SPEAKER_00 1:38:47

You or someone you know has had your food taken.

SPEAKER_03 1:38:50

Have you given your fried food to the captain? Stubing's now on deck asking if anyone called for him. Gopher and Isaac appear. They tell Stub they didn't hear anything. He asks if they heard his horse running around. Go for an Isaac laugh. And they start recreating the clopping sounds that Stubing heard. That's great. Isaac and Gopher return to where they left Captain Stubing the horse, but the horse is gone. Gone. And we go to our second break.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:20

Again, very silly, but they look like they were having they were having fun with it. It was fun. I love their chemistry.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:26

Yeah, exactly. And they have a moment later where they're talking about being buddies that I just loved. It just warm warmed my heart. Back from break, Mr. Willis is waking up.

unknown 1:39:36

Mrs.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:37

Willis waking up. She says, Paul, and she rolls over to put her arm around him, and it's not Paul, it's a saddle. I mean, better than a horse head, right? I mean, it could be worse. She wakes up and screams.

SPEAKER_00 1:39:51

Don't mess with me. Paul's Don't mess with my wife.

SPEAKER_03 1:39:56

And he blames it on Jessica. Jessica made me do it. It just turns the whole. She wakes up and screams. Paul comes out of the bathroom still in full cowboy gear.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:08

I don't know if he slept in that denim or maybe he's doing Toy Story promotion.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:14

It's topical. That's funny. She asks why there's a saddle next to her. He says he's cleaning it. She shoves it off the bed. He says, Be careful, you might scratch the hide. She says, What about my hide? Whoa. Saucy.

SPEAKER_00 1:40:29

Yep.

SPEAKER_03 1:40:30

She tells me you need to talk right now. He says, I can't. I gotta get Jessica ready for the big race. I'll see you later. Takes his saddle, he's gone. Deuces. Deuces by. Oh man. A very tired Isaac wakes up gopher asleep asleep across a counter in the lobby. They haven't found the horse. To which I'm like, What how are you sleeping? If there's a ding-ding. How hard is it to find a horse on a like you guys didn't split up?

SPEAKER_00 1:40:58

It does seem imperative that you find the horse. Find the horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:01

Like that's super important. What are you sleeping for?

SPEAKER_00 1:41:03

Like, I mean, what happened was bad, but like it could have been so much worse. This horse came out of the case. Oh my gosh, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:09

Many people imagine an angry horse like stomps, you know, kills Vicky.

unknown 1:41:14

Oh God.

SPEAKER_03 1:41:16

We are we've already seen how vindictive Jessica is, you know. So we hear Stubing in the background saying, I want that mess cleaned up immediately. And immediately and immediately, speaking of immediately, I'm like, this goes back to my point about horse poop. I thought for sure this was gonna be some humans leaving ungodly large remains. Not in 1980. You can't do that in 1980. Shame on me for we didn't deserve that. Stubing walks up, says he won't tolerate it on his ship. Supply room looks like a truck ran into it. Somebody broke in and stole every carrot and apple from the galley. In the background, the elevator door opens. Captain Stubing the Horse is standing in the elevator. I love that they named the horse Captain Stubing. It made me giggle several times when doing the notes. Because I had to write Captain Stubing the Horse, which just made me very happy. Isaac tries to distract Stubing by saying he'll make him an extra large Waldorf salad. Are you familiar with Waldorf salad, Mike?

SPEAKER_00 1:42:15

I mean, I know the name, I don't know what's in it, but it's marshmallows. Wasn't gonna guess that.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:22

Apples. A good friend, a longtime friend, always brings it for Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:29

And my joke is that Oh, I thought you were gonna say a good friend was in the salad. Yeah, yeah, my good friend Waldorf.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:34

We named it after Stadler and Waldorf. I always joke that it's apples and mayonnaise. You're like, it's nice, no, it's not. It's pretty good. That's a good joke, though. Yeah, that's what I was trying to. I mean, you know, trying to light it. We should leave with that.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:48

We should put that in the clips.

SPEAKER_03 1:42:54

And McCurachrome. The McCurachrome app.

SPEAKER_00 1:42:56

Oh, the McCurachrome is gonna be the clip.

SPEAKER_03 1:43:01

Stubing wants to them to find out who's responsible and bring them to Stubing's cabin at once. Not off his cabin. You know he means business. Right. Or it's close to three o'clock.

SPEAKER_00 1:43:10

Or they're an old lady. Or is there an old lady shilted by their husbands?

SPEAKER_03 1:43:15

That's it's those two old ladies on the mast, the Billy Crystal episode that are gonna deal with this horse situation. Doris, the secretary's getting ready for the day, she puts her glasses on, adjusts her brown wig, and there's a knock. Boy, it's Stubing. Old busybody, no business showing up. Doris answers the door, Stubing says the ship's photographer is waiting for her. Miss Holland agreed to do some publicity for the line. And Doris says she's not here. She's on the Leto deck. You gotta get up pretty early in the morning, dude, to get past one, get one past Stubing. Are you sure I was just there? Details, details. Doris says, Of course I'm sure. I just spoke with her on the telephone. You just messed up. This is an episode of Stuubing for a fire.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:05

Listen, the first rule of lying is less is more. Yeah, don't all you have to say is I don't tell you, man. Look harder. Look to big boat, it's a big boat.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:16

Like if people volunteer information before you ask for any information, yeah, it's a dead giveaway that you're full of it.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:24

Yeah, all you have to do is she here? You say, Oh, I don't know. She went out for she went out for a run. Yeah, what did she do? He's not gonna find her if she went out for a run.

SPEAKER_03 1:44:36

Yeah, I don't know. She she didn't tell me. Okay. Overthinking. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:41

Mind you how about you mind? Is this about the captain's table still, old man?

SPEAKER_03 1:44:46

Still, so so Daris, old panicky here, panicky Pete. This calls for an explanation. Stubing, please come in. And we have transformation number two, just so we don't miss it.

SPEAKER_00 1:44:57

What if he had killed her? Or if she had killed him. This calls for an explanation if Stubing gets killed.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:05

The owner of the Saints came to my room. Kim Holland killed him. I'm not Kim Holland. It's very simple. She says, I put these on and I'm no longer Kim Holland, nor am I hassled, ogled, or pawed. They're my freedom. And Stubing, who is impressed by everything, including magic, makes the same face he made when the amazing Alonzo performed one of his tricks and says, It's remarkable.

SPEAKER_02 1:45:30

Remarkable.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:33

This guy, just give this guy like impressions. Just this guy's easily impressed.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:39

Turn on a light switch.

SPEAKER_03 1:45:40

No kidding. Imagine a clapper. He'd have he'd have passed out if you showed him what a damn clapper was.

SPEAKER_00 1:45:45

This whole this for the rest of this, this is you always bring this up, but it's a radio drama, right? They're just like Stub is just like, so you mean to tell me that you, a big Hollywood star, are hiding underneath. It's just like he's just doing every like narrative you can do for this.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:01

They're watching the clock. They're like, we got 90 minutes. 90 minutes. Thanks to Fantasy Island screwing us.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:07

You're telling me the village people won't do another song. We gotta have a third. That horse race is gonna have to be 45 minutes.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:16

Well, it almost was, actually. So we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:18

You know, Alan Ludden is ill, right? We can't have him on the horse that long.

SPEAKER_03 1:46:23

No kidding. That's what killed him, apparently. Oh she says there's no one she'd rather be than Doris because she has a date today, which isn't true because she just disappears.

SPEAKER_00 1:46:35

Well, here's the thing. So she agreed to go so stupid. But here's the problem. She agreed to go to Acapulco with him. Right. But then we find out that same day is the race. Right. Kim Holland's only job is to be in Okapoko as Kim Holland. So what was her plan? Was she gonna miss his doubtfire this thing?

SPEAKER_03 1:46:54

Like I think Kim Holland needs to talk to Gloria, the secretary, because they don't know. Either she's a terrible secretary or she's a terrible secretary. I mean, right. Except you can't go with him. What do you no, you can't go? You better throw that wig in your back pocket, Kim. What are you doing?

SPEAKER_00 1:47:12

Yeah, before I go, I'm gonna get a makeover, so I look like Kim Holland.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:17

Sherlock Stubing puts together the fact that the guy she has a date with doesn't realize Doris is actually Kim Holland. He comments that finding out could be quite a blow to him. Thanks. Real grasp of the obvious here. Yeah, it's Stubing says, You need to decide what you really want to be, Kim the Star or Doris the Unknown, then leaves. I want to be like, hey, butt out.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:42

I want to be left by myself.

SPEAKER_03 1:47:44

Leave me alone. There's a horse on ship, okay? Named after you, and you're coming after me. Leave me alone, dude. Jesus.

SPEAKER_00 1:47:55

Plus, you are being propositioned by at least one member of the village people, Maryland.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:01

At least he staked his claim at the end of the episode. That Native American had an eye on him. Just a couple of good fellas. There's another knock on Kim's door. This time it's Tom Benson.

unknown 1:48:14

Oh God.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:15

Kim answers, No, I'll say this. This is not my favorite storyline. No. The episode's fine, but this is it's not I didn't.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:21

I didn't like this, and it got way too much.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:26

It felt like they drug it out. Like it had to end, it should have ended here. You know what I mean? Oh, Kim.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:34

I didn't like I didn't like that one.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:36

No, I didn't either. Kim answers, said she's not here. I don't know where she is. Close the doors and she goes back to staring in the mirror again.

SPEAKER_00 1:48:45

Killed by Jessica the horse, the vindictive horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:48:48

No kidding. That damn Jessica took him out. Doc is shocked. Garrett asks Julie to marry him. Doc yells, he asked you to marry him. Doc asks if anybody knows. Julie says they do now. She doesn't know what she's going to do. Doc storms over to the poolside bar and tells Isaac what's going on. Isaac says he what? Grabs a customer's martini, downs it. Apologizes to the customer, starts to remake the drink. Gopher walks up. Isaac tells him. Now Isaac grabs the remake, remade drink and downs it. Says he's old enough to be your father. So they all decide to pay Garrett a visit. Okay. Holmes take Kim Holmes taking pictures by the pool, same for photographers in this uh photography pool. Tom Benson walks up and he's just kind of standing there, dude.

SPEAKER_02 1:49:38

He is standing in the pictures.

SPEAKER_03 1:49:41

Yeah, like Tom Benson in the background. Like they didn't have Photoshop. All those people ruined every picture. Picture or the princess line at his top. They're gonna be so pissed. We didn't want Tom Benson in the picture. Who the hell are you? Who's this grouse behind this? Weird stalker. Sad man. Walks up, says he's been looking all over for her secretary, asked where she is. Kim said, I sent her home. Why would she say that? So that you panic? Is that a panic lie? Terrible lie. Yeah. She didn't she didn't think this out. God, no. She was spending far too much time on personal matters. Tom asked if she left a note. Kim says, nah. Oh, that's funny. Double birds, do you Tom? That's your note. Kim says, sorry, and Tom says, I bet you are. Kim goes right back to posing. Kim does not care. Kim doesn't get. That's why I'm saying it's got it's it's it's it's the work of a psychopath here.

SPEAKER_00 1:50:49

You are right. She doesn't have a completely different person. Very different feelings.

SPEAKER_03 1:50:53

Like she doesn't even know who this guy is. Like she doesn't even it it's it's crazy. Doc, Isaac, and Gopher arrive at Garrett's cabin. They knock. Garrett's in this awesome jockey outfit. They want to know what your intentions are with Julie. She says, I intend on marrying her. They try to delicately tell Garrett that Julie's a lot younger than him. Garrett says he just wants to be with Julie. Gopher says, Could you just adopt her? Which made me laugh. Doc, I guess all we can do is wish you luck. So boy, they really this is a two-second.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:31

The funny the funniest part of that was Doc tries to say that he's old. Then Isaac tries to say she's young. Right. And then he looks at Gopher and he's like, You want to try?

unknown 1:51:44

That's funny.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:45

It is funny. I said, Great God, great job, guys. You talked to him for maybe four minutes and lost all steam.

SPEAKER_00 1:51:51

Right. You're not gonna win. You are not gonna win. Even with Doc, you are not gonna win the cheese mo contest with Garrett.

SPEAKER_03 1:51:58

Yeah. Garrett says, and he to prove your point, he says, Julie's the one with the good luck. She's got friends like you who really care about her. God damn, you charming mommy. Smooth son of a Stubing's walking down the stairs to the deck with Julie. She tells him everybody's excited for the race this afternoon. Stubing says there's something else to be excited about. Tells Julie that he heard about Garrett's proposal. Julie, shocked that Stubing knows this, asks how news gets around so fast. Just then, eleven passengers with white t-shirts on say, you know, turn around. They spell Julie, say yes. Stubing says that's one way. Julie, the trouble with Garrett is he's perfect. Because I've known him for 21 hours.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:46

But here's the thing Julie is very impressed by all this, but she's not head over heels, pot committed, right? No, she's just taking it, she's taking it all in.

SPEAKER_03 1:52:55

If she was, she would have she would just give him the yes. Like that.

SPEAKER_00 1:52:58

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 1:52:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:00

And we go to our third commercial break. Back from break. Gopher's in his cabin with Captain Stubing the horse. Isaac's walked in in his cowboy outfit. And I thought this would be what a great rare Isaac action figure this would be. Isaac Cowboy outfit from season four. I mean. There you go. We're we're really filling up the merch store this week. We just need a partner. Oh, we got tons of ideas. We just need a toy maker.

unknown 1:53:28

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 1:53:28

Isaac tells Gob. Is Mattel still around? Mattel Galoob. Are you guys out there? Yeah, well, you know what the problem is is they all make their they all make their toys with chromaco or whatever the hell.

SPEAKER_03 1:53:39

Oh, that's what we can't have that. It's got all that mercury in it. It's not safe for the kids. That's why we don't do it. All of our action figures are bright and red. Isaac tells Gopher that they're safe. Stubing went ashore. I always find it odd if the captain leaves the ship. Like that seems weird. Everybody left the ship. I just don't think.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:00

The captain left, the doctor left. Yeah. The bartenders left.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:05

Before they leave the cabin, Isaac holds out his hand, tells Gopher that he's glad they're buddies. This is that moment I loved. And Gopher says, same goes for you. And they both at the same time say, you better put on your jockey suit. Now you already knew who was going to be the jockey. I mean, come on.

SPEAKER_00 1:54:22

Yeah, it would have been interesting if it was Isaac.

SPEAKER_03 1:54:24

Isaac's not getting on the back of a horse. Like Ted Lang is like, look, I'm not playing. Like, even ha ha ha. No. They can't agree he's going on the horse, neither want to do it. Isaac flips. We'll flip a coin. Gopher says, Tails never fails. They look at the coin, but they don't say anything. Welcome to Acapulco, Mike, and we're at Portillo Park. The prestigious Portillo Park. Where their slogan is, if you like horse racing and you like dirt parking lots, then you'll love Portillo Park. Oh. Time for the horse race. Garrett standing next to they got the horse up there. Garrett's standing next to his horse with Julie, and they have matching outfits on, too. Julie's dressing. Very sweet. Julie's got a little hat on. It makes me feel like we're about to see the Rush Rush music video with Paula, Paula Abdul. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I felt like. She tells me she's gonna find a good seat. She'll see him in the winner's circle, and Garrett, the biggest jockey, gets on his horse. We see the other jockeys getting on their horses.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:32

You or someone you know has crushed a horse this week.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:35

No kidding.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:37

The village annoying horse. I should have gotten a smaller horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:39

Well, as horses are, it's hard to that's why they keep them a stable man.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:42

Yeah, it's for a two-year-old kid, not for a podcast. It's not proportional.

SPEAKER_03 1:55:46

No. If you'd had a full-size horse, that'd have been something.

SPEAKER_00 1:55:50

Like I should have sat on it, but all the way back there and just had like a boom mic. Yeah, we could have had like a yeah. For those of you who don't watch our YouTube episode, you know, you gotta watch it for like 10 seconds where I had a horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:02

So we have props sometimes. It's good. Sometimes, yeah. The budget, we just got a huge influx in the budget.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:08

So thank God this isn't the Christmas episode. It's hot as hell where we all live. It's so hot today.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:13

Let me just say that. I feel like James Brown, like just the sweat. That's fine. The village people have decided they pretty much they nominated the Native American on the horse, which makes sense if he's a real Native American.

SPEAKER_00 1:56:29

Well, except for the leather man. Like, we don't know what he does. Maybe this is what he does. I don't know if you can go leather on leather. Can you go leather on horse? Like I mean, could he go could he go bareback? Like, is he himself a saddle?

SPEAKER_03 1:56:42

I mean, that's well, that does come up. Construction worker says, I thought Indians rode bareback. His word's not mine. Native American, I'm not taking my clothes off. There was a bareback joke in here.

SPEAKER_02 1:56:56

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 1:56:56

Julie joins Stubing, Doc, and Vicky. Stubing asks if she's seeing Isaac or Gopher. We now see Gopher in the back of horse number six. Stoubing sees Isaac, makes him join Doc, Vicky, and Julie to watch the race. They announce all the jockeys. As they walk up to lamp their horses, we see Paul Willis. We see Garrett.

SPEAKER_00 1:57:16

We see The guy who's riding El Capitan.

SPEAKER_03 1:57:20

The El Capitan. Yeah. A couple and and some of those jockeys look legit in size. Yeah. The dustiest racetrack in the world. Here comes Gopher looking very uncomfortable on a horse. Isaac tries to make a quick getaway, but Stubing the human stops him. Stubing asks why Gopher's on a horse. Isaac explains. And Stubing's not happy.

SPEAKER_00 1:57:42

Oh Mike. Did you note who the PA announcer for this race was?

SPEAKER_03 1:57:49

I did. I was so overloaded with racetrack enjoyment that I who who is that?

SPEAKER_00 1:57:55

Someone that if we were watching ABC this night, we would have seen already. Ricardo Montaban. Oh, was it really? It was. And it like it's a lot of Montaubon. It's actually pretty great because it, you know, you could always listen to Ricardo Montaubon, but he he basically is doing all of it. So yeah. I gotta go back and listen to that then.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:20

I think I was so focused that they bring the horses to the starting line. Cliff says to Mrs. Willis, Paul didn't even notice that we were out dancing until early in the morning.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:32

What else could we do that he wouldn't notice?

SPEAKER_03 1:58:37

Cliff asked her to come to his cabin at 10.30 tonight. Paul would bring oysters. Bring oysters. No kidding. Well, it's almost like the Smuckers guy. Remember the Smuckers commercial? Like if it's with a name like Smuckers, it's gotta be good. It's the same with a name like Schmuckers.

SPEAKER_00 1:58:55

Well, I mean, if he's won four more times, we'll be able to get this again.

SPEAKER_03 1:58:59

We're gonna nail it. One man show, but it's the two of us doing impressions. Ah. But just love bone character impressions. In their characters. Is that Christopher George? No, no, no. It's more specific than that. Yeah. The announcer introduces Kim Holland, and we see all the jockeys lined up. The race starts. Native American immediately falls off Magic Knight, who takes off running. Magic Knight to catch Mark Harmon, apparently. Gopher gets thrown off the horse into a puddle. The Native American on foot is caught up to Gopher and passes him. Now Gopher is racing the Native American on foot.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:36

So let me just say, and again, this is the comeback season of Julie McCoy. But since Gopher hooked up with Julie, he has been put in jail. Almost killed twice.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:50

He's like Super Dave Osborne this season.

SPEAKER_00 1:59:52

And then thrown off a horse.

SPEAKER_03 1:59:58

It's all slapstick all the time for poor Gopher. Jessica and Paul Willis win the race. Garrett comes in second. Gopher the Native American continue to race, and the Native American wins by a feather. Kim Holland awards the trophy to Paul and gives him a smooch.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:20

Oh, you like that.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:21

Somebody else, Mrs. Willis, didn't like this. Mrs. Willis sees this and asks Cliff if his offer still stands for a night. Well, of course it does.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:28

Yeah, I only asked you like three minutes ago.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:31

Oh no, we just haven't left. I've been here the whole time.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:35

No, I don't want you now.

SPEAKER_03 2:00:36

No, I've changed my mind. Garrett is walking with Julie and his horse. He's bummed that he didn't win. He says, Who needs a trophy when I have you is the consolation prize.

SPEAKER_00 2:00:48

So before the race, when this was all going on, I had a thought in my head that I had like for a fleeting second, I thought, Oh, is he gonna buck off the horse and die or break his neck?

SPEAKER_03 2:01:05

I wrote down, Are we about to get a city of angels ending to this story? I thought the same thing. I was like, this guy's gonna kick the bucket. And I was like, oh, the damage to Julie.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:15

If they had come in with Julie like more into it, I think that would have been more of a possibility. But because they like were giving Julie like actual like normal reactions, that it didn't happen.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:26

But I did think it for a second. Give it the million-dollar baby ending, you know what I mean? Hit your head on that stool, even though I only knew you for a couple days. And that's it. She just leaves him in Acapulco.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:40

But he dies under mysterious circumstances. Nobody knows what happened. Nobody knows what happened. You or someone you know.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:47

Marv Prine killed him.

SPEAKER_00 2:01:51

We might hear more about Marv Prime later.

SPEAKER_03 2:01:53

That that is true. Kim Hone's still having her picture taken. Tom Benson is watching her.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:00

Again, he's just back there. He's in the background of these pictures now.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:07

We go to our fourth commercial break. Yeah, he ruined every picture.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:11

Like poor and on the ship. Right. Poor Paul Willis has this wonderful moment, right, in his trophy case. He can't even this son of a bitch in the background.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:22

Given like murder eyes to the camera. We're back on the boat. Isaac can go for a standing in Stubing's office getting reprimanded for smuggling a horse onto the ship. Stubing says the thing he can't bear is a horse with a Stubing name finishing last. There's a little stubby in him right there.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:39

Next year we're buying a horse that can jump.

SPEAKER_00 2:02:42

Stubing saved himself. Stubing saved himself with this scene. Like this is like, yeah, this is the difference between season one Stubing, who would have tried to be a hard ass the whole time. He would have wrote it out.

SPEAKER_03 2:02:53

Yes. He could admit the ridiculousness of the situation too, you know, which is good.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:00

No harm, no foul, no passengers were murdered by this runaway horse. Great.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:05

Isaac says they sold the horse for $200 more than they paid for him. Stubing says that's just enough to pay for the damages and excuses himself for dinner. And he is starving after what happened last night.

SPEAKER_00 2:03:17

Meanwhile, he's the one who took all the carrots and apples.

SPEAKER_03 2:03:20

You didn't see any hors d'oeuvres at the steeplechase. There's nothing. Oh. Why is there a bucket of apples in your bed? That's why I keep the cash. Horrible captain's table. Damn it. Eating in secret. In the dining room. We're in the dining room. Here comes Tom Benson. He sees Kim Holland in the dining room. Why is she in the dining room? She nuts doesn't care. I guess now she doesn't care. Yeah. She's eating, which pisses the captain off because he's like, You're just gonna eat at a regular table? You want one of my apples? Tom says, Just the person I want to see. And Kim, who's just not nice at this at all, it's so weird. She's like, What do you want from me? Like she doesn't know.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:02

Well, I think she's trying to push him away, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:04:06

I don't know. I just think that this person is a completely different person. We'll see. He asked her to get Doris back, she says that she can't do that. He asked for a way to reach her. Kim says she can't do that either.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:18

Tom says, in better get a Ouija board, I killed her.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:23

Here's her arm. What can you do other than smile pretty and fool the public into thinking you're wonderful? And then he can't help himself. He says, Oh, by the way, Gloria's prettier than you.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:37

Like, I I get it to a point, but like there is a level of can you come back from being that mean to somebody that is that person?

SPEAKER_03 2:04:46

Like, I don't want to be with you.

SPEAKER_00 2:04:48

This is Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:04:50

Tells her that he wishes he had never met her. Kim walks up to Stubing and says, A discontented fan. Come on, you gotta wake up pretty early to get one past Stubing.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:01

Especially when he's eavesdropping.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:02

Yeah, that's why you'll never be able to sneak a horse onto a ship. Stubing says, from where I stood, it seemed more serious than that. I love how he has like thorough insight on people's like super specific situations.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:17

Yeah, when does this wind come up a lot?

SPEAKER_03 2:05:19

Right. Like what but on the broader someone snuck a horse on the ship. He's just, what? How did you you you bamboozled me? It's like he's more aware of the subtleties of relationships than Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:05:33

He's more of a farce through the trees kind of guy.

SPEAKER_03 2:05:36

No kidding. Kim says, I guess I didn't put Doris to rest soon enough. He's in love with her. Stooping, the feeling seems to be mutual. Tells Kim to tell him that Doris is really you. Mrs. Willis is in the cabin hallway, decides not to knock on PR three fifty and walks away. She went down there though. She sure did. We see Mrs. Willis again. Now she's in the stable area. She walks up to a man standing behind the horse. I don't want to do it.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:04

I love you, she confuses, confuses David Doyle brown. Come on.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:11

Jeez. Well, number one, he's not dressed like a cowboy or a jockey, which is a dead giveaway. This is not. That's true. Yeah. Oh, it's Cliff. Cliff says, Paul sold me Jessica, and he can't make their date tonight. Because I have to wash this horse, I guess. Yeah, because you're not free now at 10:30 because you're now he's now he's living the worst life. He apparently he's gonna go get changed into cowboy gear. I wonder if the cowboy gear was part of the it probably wouldn't fit. Probably wouldn't fit, but Doc Isaac can go for a knocking on Julie's cabin door. She answers. Doc's asked if she made a decision on Garrett yet. Everybody slow down, man. Good lord. Julie said she decided, but what's Garrett to be the first to know, and she leaves the cabin.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:56

So what here's what I will say.

SPEAKER_03 2:06:58

And then all hell breaks loose. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:06:59

Right. What I will say is, and sometimes this does happen. In a 90-minute episode, things shouldn't feel rushed, but there does seem to be like a scene missing that would have made this a little more sense. Like I like that Julie didn't go full the other way, where it was like, you know, the Chenalt thing where she had like, you know, it could have, though. In her monologue and all. But but I'm saying, like, she kind of went from they had a lovely exchange at the racetrack to I've already kind of decided. And she clearly is like a no, but they're weirdly vague about the that or the why. Like, there should have been a scene somewhere. It's just weird that they didn't have a scene. No context there. Right. Yeah. Yeah. And I and I feel like after this point with the storyline, it I don't like how they just it was just I don't like how they got there, but it did have my second hilarious line in it.

SPEAKER_03 2:07:54

So fair enough. Julie walks over to Garrett's cabin and he's smooching with that woman that he saw in the gown woman, yeah. Alcabulco. Julie says, What do you call this? And Garrett says, Bad timing.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:05

I laughed so hard.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:07

It was pretty. It's a bold, that's a bold uh bad timing. If you are someone you know has got bad timing. Julie says, I thought you loved me. He says, I do. She says, You just showed me how much. So Julie leaves, and the the blonde lady he was making out with says it worked. And ask what a bimbo job she had. Let me just make out with you and ask him why he didn't just tell her that he changed.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:36

Yeah, I wonder who she was.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:37

Like, I wonder if she like won a contest or some if you or someone you know want to be on the love boat. Sorry. Garrett says, I do want to marry her. She just shouldn't want to marry me. I'm not the right man for her.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:50

Which again, fine if you get there, but where's that scene? Like, there just needed to be one more scene with one of them.

SPEAKER_03 2:08:57

All you had to do was say that to her.

SPEAKER_00 2:08:59

Yeah, he was this was a very egotistical move by Mr. Garrett.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:05

I've been in those situations where you almost plant a seed where later on you can use it, which sounds terrible, but it's almost like I would almost old relationships were like, okay, I'll agree to that. Yeah. Knowing that it's just ammunition. You know what I mean? Knowing, like, well, that's my way in it.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:22

That's why, and that's why you were the cosmopolitan most eligible bachelor.

SPEAKER_03 2:09:26

Well, two. Yeah. Number two, not number one. Yeah. That's fair. That's you know. And remember, second place is just first loser. That's right. And on a horse, you always come in second, right? Isn't that what he said? No. Something like that. No, you can get a good look at a T-bone.

SPEAKER_02 2:09:41

What is it?

SPEAKER_03 2:09:46

Julie's standing at the railing and she's joined by Garrett, who tells her that he loves her. Which Julie says you have to be kidding me. Yeah. Tells her you can't resist beautiful women.

SPEAKER_00 2:09:56

Julie takes off the Some people like sweets, some people like cigarettes.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:00

Yeah, like some people like bottles of ketchup. Some people like like she takes a necklace off, tells him that the man in her life has to be the only man in her life, which was great. Great. Uh she gives him back the necklace. He tells her to keep it. He said it's the second time today that he finished in second. Julie, you're a special lady and he'll always love you. And then they laugh and everything's cool now.

SPEAKER_00 2:10:25

Julie really did take this in a way that she's never really taken any of this before, in a very good way. But I don't think she ever really out. But I I think she really was like, This is ridiculous. But I'll I'll play I'll play along. What who's that hurting? I'll get a nice seat at the race.

SPEAKER_03 2:10:44

You know, to your point, you said, and I could wear a matching outfit, I would look great. Yeah. But the thing is, it probably wasn't no. Yeah. Right. It's probably a no the whole way. It's probably a no the whole way. Yeah. You know why? Because Julie this season, Julie's choosing Julie. Well, that's right. If you ask Julie, you go, why? And she goes, because he's like a million years old. And he sees he can't seem to solve a mystery. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:06

He's just That's true.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:08

He just doesn't solve any.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:10

He's always out late.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:11

Yeah. I lose my keys he's gone for a week. If you or someone you know lost keys to a big thing.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:18

Do you see how many phone calls we get on that 800 number? Jesus.

SPEAKER_03 2:11:21

I get no sleep. This is terrible. Mrs. Willis is walking in the cabin hallway. Paul sees her and runs to her. Runs down. Way to go, Alan. They were both looking for each other. She asked why he sold Jessica. Paul said the price was right. And he agreed to never see you again. Tells her that he loves her, and we finally found out that her first name is Louise.

SPEAKER_00 2:11:46

Yeah. Which is I like this. I like this because I like them. And like I said, it's sad because he dies like six months later. So this is like very heartfelt in my viewing of it, but it was it was very nice, you know. It was nice.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:00

They smooch, he promises that from now on they'll have nothing to I think it makes the sweeter scene sweeter when they're too.

SPEAKER_02 2:12:06

Absolutely, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:08

Louise mate, except maybe a little horsing around and they smooch again. All right, here comes that wacko Tom Benson Mike looking over the rail. Here comes Doris. The hell did you come from, Doris? She sneaks up on Tom.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:23

Hello.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:24

What? Yeah. Hello. Right, right. She forgets the like the region of uh imagine if she just goes full like that Brad Pig thing in that.

SPEAKER_00 2:12:34

Like good day.

SPEAKER_03 2:12:35

Just shrimp on the Barbie and whatnot. She's an actress, by the way. They both missed each other. He tells her he loves her. She asks, no matter what. Here we go again. She removes it. Even if I look slightly different. She removes the no no contacts, no fake no's, just a uh and a okay, Mike, it's me. Really, it's me. Look, look, it's me. Still me. Yeah. It's crazy. She explains that she loves him and wants a chance to make up for things. Tom asks who she's gonna be. Here's where the Sybil thing. She says, June Westheimer, ordinary girl from Milwaukee.

SPEAKER_02 2:13:23

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 2:13:24

Tom says, I feel like the four of us are gonna be very happy with each other.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:29

So my assumption is that Kim Holland is a stage name. Right. That June is her actual name and she's from Milwaukee.

SPEAKER_03 2:13:39

We're but I don't think we're we're talking actual names. I'm thinking like personas. Gloria has an accent. Does Kim's speaking voice the same as June Westheimer's speaking voice? A question I never thought I would ask when I woke up this morning.

SPEAKER_00 2:13:55

No, and then I assume she's got a heavy Milwaukee accent.

SPEAKER_03 2:13:58

Oh, absolutely. That that's well, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 2:14:02

You want to go to see the Packers? It's a lot of that.

SPEAKER_03 2:14:06

A lot of like Warsh, like things like that. Yeah. We go to our final commercial break. Now, it looked like a commercial break. And I saw it on the not I watched it on Paramount, but I also have that jump drive, and I watched this on the jump drive. Wasn't sure if it was commercial. I think it was, but I'm not sure. We're back in LA. Oh my, we haven't seen Stewing work the two sticks in a long time. Was it season one since he was working sticks?

SPEAKER_00 2:14:37

He clearly was jealous of all that Panama canal chatters.

SPEAKER_03 2:14:41

He's like, How am I not? You guys aren't gonna let me work the sticks in the canal? And they're like, No. No, no, no, definitely not.

SPEAKER_00 2:14:47

But you can tell you what, you can use the intercom if you want and and ask somebody to come do something.

SPEAKER_03 2:14:53

So like, why is there cinnamon sugar on the sticks, Captain Stubing?

SPEAKER_00 2:14:58

It'd be funny if he was like, All right, Princess Lion, bring the bring the lines around and also uh a couple crawlers.

SPEAKER_03 2:15:07

A couple old fashions, give me some jellies.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:10

Just make it a make it an even dozen.

SPEAKER_03 2:15:12

I'm truly saying goodbye to passengers as Garrett walks up, he says goodbye, and hopes she doesn't remember him unkindly. She said she won't and tells her to take care of the red sneakers and don't touch them because they will kill you.

SPEAKER_00 2:15:26

Yep. Another and she is very good at this. Yeah. Another great Lauren Hughes piece of acting here at the end. After he walks away, he give she gives him a look, and then she definitely has that moment of like what could have been kind of and then you know, but it was just like she is she is so good at the it is crazy, and I I I hesitate because I feel like I wonder if we're on going to be on a roller coaster across seasons or could be sections or whatever, but it's like this is as good as she was in season one and season two. I thought she was good in less this is a good one. This whole year so far. She's been the Julie we really like. And it makes me think, okay, was last year what we think it was, and does that mean there's gonna be more of that too? It's gonna get better. It's gonna get better, it's gonna get worse, right? It's like it's just gonna be, I guess we don't know. So regardless, she's been great this season.

SPEAKER_03 2:16:24

Either and I agree, she did that thing where she he walks away and she kind of shrugs her shoulders a little bit to give that it subtleties on that was great.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:33

Like I it like to me, she is Doc's doing okay, but she's running away with these cruises.

SPEAKER_03 2:16:39

Peter and Louise are saying goodbye to Isaac and go for Louise tells them they're taking another cruise in a few months to London, the second honeymoon.

SPEAKER_00 2:16:46

Oh, maybe he'll run into the secretary. Could be.

SPEAKER_03 2:16:49

Oh Isaac asks if there's a big steeplechase coming there. Peter, really? What a coincidence. Here comes Cliff. I wanted to say goodbye. Wish Jessica and uh good luck at the London steeplechase. Louise tells Cliff that she'll be there too. Peter, who's going to London? Niagara Falls is the is the place for a second honeymoon, so he's trying to avoid the old Cliff bomb again.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:16

Like, is another question? Did Cliff I don't know a lot about how you transport a horse, but I mean a horse, I've seen those horse things, right? Yeah, they can swim.

unknown 2:17:27

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:28

I've seen those like trailers, right? That you hook up to a car or something. But like, did he show up with one of those because he thought he was gonna be able to buy this horse? Or like he taken like taking the he's like taking the bus with the horse.

SPEAKER_03 2:17:42

He knows nothing about horses either. He knows nothing about horses. He's he's walking off the ship with this horse. He doesn't have shit. He's just gonna be like, well, shit now. Yeah, I guess I'm walking home. I don't know. I don't know what to do now.

SPEAKER_00 2:17:56

I really just wanted to sleep with Betty White. That's what you're doing. Just really.

SPEAKER_03 2:17:59

Now I'm stuck with this stupid horse and I'm now I'm broke. I'm out 102. Tom and Kim walk downstairs in the lobby, Stubing tells them goodbye. She thanks them, they leave together. Village people are getting off the boat. They thank Stubing. They take the Native American's feathered headdress off and put it on Stubing. Stubing loves this. But then the Native American totally leaves with his hat, which I am not cool with. Gopher says, Where's our next cruise? The Indian Ocean? End of episode, Mike.

SPEAKER_00 2:18:42

They love these little buttons on the end of those seasons. Alright, so it's in a recap. We are currently sitting at the best episode as the first episode of the season, which was the Julie Gopher Trist worst episode. I had the first two-parter, you had the second two-parter.

unknown 2:18:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:01

I think this is the best episode of the season. And I will fully admit, yeah, and I think I agree. I mean, like, if you want to get technical, maybe it's not the best episode, but it was the most fun. And it might be a point in time where we're very tired. It's been a lot. Eight hours is a lot of love boat in a very short period of time. But this was just fun and light. It was fun and light, and you didn't have to think too hard. And they didn't try too hard, honestly. No, it was fine. It was and it was really good. And I just think I think I just enjoyed it more than than anything we've seen so far this season. And maybe that's it moved well.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:40

But again, anything moves well when you're in the midst of eight hours of Love Boat episodes to begin a season.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:46

Like they really and the pat and while there obviously while there obviously was padding, it didn't feel like padding. Even the race didn't feel like padding.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:56

No.

SPEAKER_00 2:19:56

It was a story.

SPEAKER_03 2:19:58

It wasn't it wasn't gratuitous. I thought it was fine. But no, I I agree with you on that.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:02

And I will be very curious now that we're done with these five. I think we're gonna get into the normal one hour episodes. Please. Um and we were talking before the show that we think maybe we're gonna actually be in the post-strike time. So I'll be curious to see now what happens because it's been a tone changes or it's just been a weird, wild first five episodes. Like the star power alone is not going to be matched here for a while.

SPEAKER_03 2:20:27

God no you know well, we say that, but this was pretty heavy though.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:32

Consistently, like you're not gonna have whole episodes with stars, you know. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_03 2:20:36

It was great.

SPEAKER_00 2:20:37

Captain of the Week.

SPEAKER_03 2:20:39

Oh, you know, I I gotta I have to give it to Julie. It's it's a rough one, but I think for her, I kind of to me, she kind of shined above everybody else. I like the way she's going. I like the fact that they didn't put more like emotional baggage on her character and having some another traumatic. For me, it was Julie this week.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:01

Always agree. Robert Stack obviously was really good too, but that storyline got a little weird. I'm gonna go with the businessman slash worst man number one and Betty White. I thought that was really just a nice, quiet storyline, and like I said, I I just enjoyed it, it was very endearing knowing all the the off, the kind of off stuff too. But I I enjoyed uh, and again, that's one of those classic ones where you put two crappy actors I don't care about in there. That's probably just a boring D storyline. So you care about them. The chemistry makes care exactly, yeah. And then David Doyle was good too, just as a ridiculous look. David Doyle is now just a ridiculous character, right?

SPEAKER_03 2:21:37

Yeah, it's uh he's just a horny, he's he's like for eternally a horn dog, basically.

SPEAKER_00 2:21:42

I love that in that in our lives, he is that's what he is. Worst of the week, walk the plank.

SPEAKER_03 2:21:47

I gotta say, Tom Benson, we talked about how in his first role we we both liked it, liked him better as a character. You know what I mean? I I don't think he brought anything special to it. No, it was a simple thing. And I and I almost wish, like we said, it was a topic. Done differently. Or done differently for him. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:08

Done differently. I will say the fact that I did not know it was Jim Wright until we started recording softens it a little bit for me. Sure. But I thought he was terrible. Yeah, he did. And I thought the character was weirdly fleshed out. Like that's a worst worst of the year candidate. Yeah. I know bad storyline too. I mean, it didn't. Bad storyline. Yeah. Didn't have much to work with. But Lonnie Anderson tried, but like, you know, that wasn't. And then the stooping part was bad. Yeah, that was a that was a bad storyline, too.

SPEAKER_03 2:22:39

I mean, we could have buried Lonnie Anderson for the accent, right? But but I almost feel like that's that's less.

SPEAKER_00 2:22:45

Yeah, that's the least worst part of yeah. So um plus I'm always a sucker for media that shows up on the boat. So 100%. 100%. And that's Tilson recap for this week.

SPEAKER_03 2:22:59

Plugs, Hit and Season Patreon, absolutely hammered. It is World Cup season, but when you're cheering from the stands, you're tuning in from home, this is the podcast you need. Grab your bat, your cap, and your Phillies Pride, crack open a beer, enjoy weekly Phillies happy hour with Chris Jones, Justin Clue, and our very own Mike Robertson checkout. Absolutely hammered on the hitting season Patreon.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:20

We'll be reviewing the all actually be reviewing the All-Star game this week because the All-Star Game is tomorrow if you're listening when this comes out. So yeah. All Star Game in Philadelphia.

SPEAKER_03 2:23:32

I can't that that's gonna be fun. You can find us anywhere you find your audio podcasts, FYI. We are the 229th ranked TV review podcast according to Apple podcasts in Canada. So thank you, Canada.

SPEAKER_00 2:23:53

Now, does this put us in the running to be on the Canadian Walk of Fame located in Toronto?

SPEAKER_03 2:24:01

That's a great question. I mean, we're new on the charts. I don't know how high you need to be. Spread the word, Canadian.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:09

Get us on the Canadian Walk of Fame. Get us, get us there.

SPEAKER_03 2:24:13

Right on top of Monty Hall's start. Oh, it'd be great. I want my first trip to Canada to be my Hall of Fame trip to Canada. I've never been there. So again, you can find us anywhere you find your audio podcasts, iTunes, Spotify, all of the locations. If you could press that, download, press that subscribe, leave us a review, it goes a long way. You can also email us loveboatproject at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_00 2:24:43

You've got mail. We do from our friends through the Instagram account. We have two different ones this week. First of all, our friend Diane lets us know about star of episode two, Don Most. We had made a big deal that Donny Most, no facial hair. Don Most does have facial hair. Turns out that Don Most is currently, I think it maybe has since finished up its run, but in stage production of On Golden Pond. Was he playing the Fonda role? I assume he's playing the Fonda role, which is wild that he's that old. Jane Fonda role or the Henry Fonda role. Apparently, he still he has facial hair, which makes him Don Most. So he is Don Most in that role. So I'm sure that it's every actor's goal to have our show tagged in a comment promoting their program. So thank you, Diane, for getting the word out there. Appreciate it. And for letting us know, keeping up on Don Most's career. Second one from our friend Helen. This is very important. She found love boat action figures.

SPEAKER_03 2:25:53

I've heard that they existed. I've never seen them, but I've heard that they exist.

SPEAKER_00 2:25:58

We maybe at some point have to get them, and I think we just enact the scenes. Yeah. Like as we're talking about.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:05

The whole podcast is going to change. It's going to be like a claymation. We're going to write our own. We're bringing the boat back. It's basically just Rudolph. Like we're just doing that. That's what it is. Stop motion. Absolutely. Yeah, I saw those. I don't think it's a Neko brand, a big action figure brand from the 70s. But yeah, I saw the full set. They have the Vicky, they have they have them all. So I'm quite a geek about stuff like that. So it's on my that is not sold in the project on the shop, unfortunately.

SPEAKER_00 2:26:39

We just have to do it. Yeah, it's not the merchant, though. It's not as good as the Love Boat Project. Exactly. It's not as good as the Love Boat Project magnet that I have on my refrigerator.

SPEAKER_03 2:26:51

That's right. The smallest magnet. And also look look soon for the host bobbleheadset. It's a two-pack. We'll keep you keep you updated on that. I did look ahead at the next episode. Yeah. Next episode, Cindy Jerome is back. Witchcraft, Mike. Witchcraft.

SPEAKER_00 2:27:13

Those fingers through my hair.

SPEAKER_03 2:27:16

And we have two huge first timers coming aboard. Number first one is Isabel Sanford. That's right. Louise Jefferson herself. And a young Lorenzo Lamas, long before he wrote off as TV's favorite renegade, Reno Reigns.

unknown 2:27:36

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 2:27:38

That is an eclectic cast, to say the least. So I'm excited about Isabel Sanford, though. I don't know that I've ever seen her in anything beyond the Jeffersons. The Jeffersons, yeah. I don't think so either.

SPEAKER_03 2:27:51

So I look forward to that.

SPEAKER_00 2:27:53

Always an excuse to sing the Jefferson's theme song.

SPEAKER_03 2:27:55

So Beans don't burn in the kitchen. That's the way that's the only thing I know. Well, thank you, Mike, again, and thank you all for joining us for episode 82. The project continues. And we'll see you next time. Thanks.