God Honoring Relationships (Proverbs 6,10-12)

Healthy relationships do not happen by accident. Proverbs teaches that our attitudes, our integrity, and especially our words shape the strength of our relationships. This message explores how God's wisdom transforms the way we relate to others by rejecting destructive attitudes, cultivating love and trust, and speaking with wisdom.

In This Message

1. Wise People Reject Destructive Attitudes

Proverbs 6 identifies attitudes and actions the Lord hates, including pride, dishonesty, violence, deceit, and stirring up conflict. The message calls believers to examine their hearts, repent where needed, and pursue humility, honesty, and peace in their relationships. (Proverbs 6:16-19; James 4:6; Luke 6:45; Psalm 133:1; Ephesians 4:3)

2. Wise People Cultivate Love and Trust

Healthy relationships require intentional effort. Drawing from Proverbs 10 and 11, this message highlights the importance of integrity, honesty, forgiveness, and Christlike love that strengthens trust and promotes unity within families, friendships, and the church. (Proverbs 10:10-22; Proverbs 11:1-13; 1 Peter 4:8; Ephesians 4:32; John 13:34-35)

3. Wise People Choose Words Wisely

Our words have the power to wound or to heal. Proverbs 12 reminds us to speak carefully, encourage others, receive correction with humility, and use our speech to bring life instead of harm. The message also explains Proverbs 11:30, showing that the wise influence people toward life through godly character and faithful living. (Proverbs 12:13-25; Proverbs 11:30)

Main Idea

God-honoring relationships are built through wisdom that transforms our attitudes, develops love and trust, and guides our speech. As Christ shapes our hearts, our relationships increasingly reflect His character.

Scripture

Primary passages include Proverbs 6:16-19, Proverbs 10:10-22, Proverbs 11:1-13, Proverbs 11:30, and Proverbs 12:13-25, with supporting references from James 4:6, Luke 6:45, Psalm 133:1, Ephesians 4:3, Ephesians 4:32, John 13:34-35, and 1 Peter 4:8.

Illustrations

• A delivery driver lost a major business contract because of an uncontrolled outburst, demonstrating how destructive attitudes damage relationships.
• A humorous "flux capacitor" conversation with two appliance salesmen illustrated the value of honesty and genuine knowledge.
• Gardening provided a picture of intentionally cultivating healthy relationships over time.

Key Quotes

• "Wise people reject destructive attitudes."
• "Wise people cultivate love and trust."
• "Wise people choose words wisely."

Search Topics

God-honoring relationships, Proverbs 6, Proverbs 10, Proverbs 11, Proverbs 12, Christian relationships, biblical wisdom, Christian communication, guarding your words, biblical integrity

Full Episode & Transcript: https://www.buzzsprout.com/2285086/episodes/19483369

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Helping you apply God's Word and follow Jesus in everyday life. Learn more at ChrisTeien.com and Rockwell.church  Find episode transcripts at Well.faith 

Transcript

Chris T 0:00

I don't know how many of you are reading through Proverbs this month, so I suggested that we do a Proverb a day. So today is July 12th, so you'd read Proverbs chapter 12. And so it is good to read Proverbs. And I don't know if you did read Proverbs or not, but if you're reading Proverbs this week, maybe you're thinking, man, what is with this adultery theme? It's like over and over. But remember that Solomon is writing to his son or sons. And so it is a dad telling his boy or boys or the young men in the kingdom or whatever to watch out for the immoral woman, the wayward wife, those who will destroy a marriage. That type of stuff destroys families, destroys reputations, destroys finances, destroys trust, just makes a mess out of everything. And I'm sure that every dad would want to tell his sons and his daughters to watch out for those immoral people. I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I had a friend, a neighbor, that had a nice house and he had two nice cars. He had a good job. Everything about him was stable, and he was single. And he noticed that there were a lot of women that were interested in him, not because they definitely loved his personality or anything, they just wanted the security that would come by hitching their wagon to this guy's home and cars and everything else. And he was wise enough to see that was their motive. But he did still have me praying that God would send them a godly woman at the right time. But okay, so as you continue to read Proverbs, you find that the immoral woman becomes more than an individual person. She becomes the representation of folly itself. As Proverb develops, two women are stand before us. One is the immoral woman, she flatters, she promises excitement, she offers immediate pleasure, but her path leads to death. And then there's Lady Lady Wisdom. She calls publicly, she speaks truth, she offers understanding, she invites people to life. And every day we are choosing if we're going to listen to wisdom, if we're going to listen to folly. And fourth of all, it all points towards Christ. In the New Testament, in 1 Corinthians 1, it says that Christ has become for us the wisdom from God. So Jesus is the true embodiment of God's wisdom. So he always chose righteousness, he always resisted temptation, he always obeyed the Father, and so he is the example for us to follow. And when you get into Revelation chapter 17, we see the prostitute becomes a picture of the world's rebellion against God in Revelation 21. The bride, the church becomes a picture of God's redeemed people. So as you read through that, maybe that gives a little more sense. But there's a lot of other, besides that topic, there's a lot of other good, useful things. And we're going to talk about the thoughts, our thought life, our talk life, our communication, and relationships, because that is huge. So number one, destructive attitudes. Wise people reject destructive attitudes. It is absolutely amazing how much trouble our mouths can get us in. So maybe I've mentioned this before, but years ago, when I worked at the optical company, it was an optical lab made anti-reflective coated eyeglass lenses. And there was a delivery driver girl whose family had a delivery driving business. And so that's what they counted on for their family income deliveries, and they had a big contract with us, and they delivered a lot of stuff for us. And one day, this girl didn't get her way, and she was really mad, and she was cussing and swearing as she went out the door because something wasn't the way that she wanted it. Unfortunately, the people in charge found out what she did and canceled the contract immediately. And so this woman in her temper tantrum, this actually she wasn't very old, in her temper tantrum, lost a good chunk of the family business because she couldn't control her temper and just went off on a wild tangent. And so the leaders of the company thought if she does that to us, what is she going to do to our customers when she makes the deliveries? And so sometimes the attitudes that we have when we don't control our tempers. I've heard a lot of people give excuses for why they have such bad tempers of the words they use. Oh, I was born that way, or it's my nationality, or that's just what rangers do. It's sinful when you do that, and it can destroy relationships. Words can destroy relationships, and we need to make sure that we seek wisdom in these relationships. God created us to have other people around. So God created a wife for Adam, yeah, for Adam. God gives us friendships, relationships, brothers and sisters, brothers and sisters in Christ, people in the church, relationships and good relationships are awesome. Broken relationships, messed up relationships, relationships that come with a lot of bitterness and hurt are sad and difficult. And sometimes you never get over it or they never get over it. It's so weird how children can remember hurtful words that were said to them by parents or grandparents or teachers or neighbors or other kids and how it gets stuck in their mind. Yet as time goes on, sometimes encouraging words can take care of that, can help them to overcome those things, those that critical spirit can become one that is full of encouragement and healing and grace and purpose and a positive self-esteem. And so Solomon talks about these things, and it is a good thing. In Proverbs 6, 16, Solomon says, Six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him. And then he gives a list. When you think about this list, just picture the body of a person and how it just works down. Haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, and feet that are quick to rush into evil. So those are all things that are going on in you and in me. You made prideful eyes, a lying tongue. They got your hands that are ready to do destructive things to people, your heart, so many things that you do and say come from your heart, your heart devising wicked schemes, and then your feet, who are quick to get you there, quick to rush out. And then he continues a false witness who pours out lies and a person who stirs up conflict in the community. Just think about all those things as a person, all those things, and then think about even in the church. Sometimes people come into the church, and I don't know if they're inspired by Satan or they're just selfish people, but sometimes they want to stir up conflict in the church. Sometimes it seems like their purpose is to go around and spread gossip and get people to side with them and to pridefully, happily try to divide the church. They'd rather see the church self-destruct than see it find forgiveness and humility and move forward. But haughty eyes. Pride destroys relationships because pride elevates self above others. Prideful people refuse to be corrected, they struggle to apologize, and they insist on being right. So James 4, 6, he gives us more grace. That's why Scripture says God opposes the proud, but shows favor to the humble. God cares about our attitudes, God cares about our thoughts. Jesus said, A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart. An evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. So I don't remember which Bible camp I was at, but there was a lake in a boathouse, and so someone went to get a life jacket out of the boathouse storage area, and a bat flew out. You could tell where that man's soul and condition was in by the things that spewed out of his mouth. So yeah, I guess he needs a little more sanctification. But nonetheless, sometimes when you're taken by surprise, when you hurt yourself, the things that come out of your mouth is an indication of what's in your heart. So yeah. Over time, I've the Lord, I think, when I received Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior, I had sworn when I was in high school, I swear all the time, but God changed my heart and I pretty much quit swearing. And so that doesn't happen to everybody, but it is a good thing. But I've also, as mentioned before, made up my own swear words. So sometimes when things fall on me and it hurts, I yell, gravity! Gravity, the new profanity. Recommended by pastors everywhere. All right, let's look at this a little more. Okay, so a lying tongue. When you're in a marriage, when you're in a family, when you're in a business relationship, when you're talking to a salesperson, when you are out there, you form opinions and trust based upon the things that people say and the things that people tell you that may or may not be true. And sometimes, sometimes when somebody says they're knowledgeable about something and they just pretend to know something and they don't, it's dishonest. It's kind of a form of a lie, a half-truth, a part of the truth conveniently forgotten, an exaggeration. All of those things can cause trouble. So some years ago our microwave broke, and we had to go buy one of those new over-the-range microwaves, and we were trying to figure it out because I hadn't purchased a microwave for a long time, so I went to the big box retail store and was talking to this kid who was selling microwaves, and he said, Oh, I know everything about these microwaves, and he's talking about this microwave and that microwave. And I said, Really, I like my microwave, but there wasn't really a problem with it, except the flux capacitor went out, and I just don't know if that's something that's repairable or not. So now you remember that the flux capacitor was in the back of the DeLorean and the movie Back to the Future. There's not a flux capacitor in the microwave. But this guy's going on and on about, oh, well, you know, these flux capacitors, they're gonna last you, and actually you get a warranty. So if the flux capacitor goes, then it's covered. You just bring it back. Or you should buy the extended warranty, actually, if that's a concern. I'm like, thank you so much. And we walked out the door. We went to a more knowledgeable store, and I said to the guy, I said, Well, I said, I really like my microwave, but the flux capacitor went. And he laughed and he's like, That's funny. He said, That's from the movie Back to the Future, isn't it? And I'm like, Yeah, he's like, Microwaves don't have flux capacitors. I'm like, I know, but the last salesperson didn't know that. And so he was knowledgeable about microwaves, and we bought one from him, and it was good. But people in sales will often exaggerate. So they'll tell you that the product is better, they'll tell you that it lasts longer than it does. Salespeople were overpromise and tell you that it will be delivered by a certain time. And I always learned that it was better, if you can, to actually underpromise and over-deliver because everybody's happy with that. Or to say, you know, well, I'd like to get it to you by this time, but if these things happen, I'm not in control of it. But all of those things are good. And people just really appreciate honesty. People appreciate honesty. If you start to develop a reputation as somebody with a lying tongue, then people just won't listen to you, they won't trust you, they won't, like the boy who cried wolf, they won't give much thought to the things that you say. So hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, and feet that are quick to rush into evil, is somebody who is wickedly running after things that maybe sound exciting to them, but it's just not a good thing. So I had picked up a friend one time we worked together at Hardy's, and we were at the mall, and for some reason this guy thought we needed to fight everybody. So every time we're walking along, somebody near our age would come by and he's like, hey, let's let's beat them up. And it was just a constant thing of this kid, I always wanted to get in a fight with everybody, and I don't know what was going on in his head, but I'm like, that's not good, that's not helpful, and that's not necessary. And then the person that stirs up trouble and conflict in the community. I was reading this thing that there were some Wiccans, they claim to be nice witches, but they were trying to get into churches and they were trying to join Bible studies and they were trying to join groups, and part of their strategy and part of their plan, and I'm not saying this about every one of them, but this particular group was trying to get into churches, gain respect and authority, and then do everything they could to take the church down. And so we need to be watchful of wolves that come in. We need to be watchful and wary of people that might come be among us with destructive desires. So Psalm 133 begins with how good and pleasant it is when God's people live together in unity. Our church covenant is in the church constitution. It's online, you can read it, but it really talks a lot about how to deal with relationships and how to care for one another and how to seek forgiveness from one another and to dwell together in unity because that is so important. In Ephesians 4:3, Paul pleaded with the church to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. So just think about your heart. Examine your heart, your motives, these things. Is there anything on this list that the Lord hates, that the Lord detests, that might describe some things that you do, some attitudes that you have. Confess that, repent from that, turn from that, and we'll serve Jesus in a good way. And if it's your self-esteem, if it's somebody hurt you and now you want to hurt somebody else, just pray about that, seek forgiveness. Memorize some of these scriptures. It is very helpful to do that. Number two, wise people cultivate love and trust. Cultivate to foster and develop. Now, if I'm gonna cultivate my garden, I'm gonna dig up rotor and dig up the soil and get everything ready. And once the soil is good and here the right temperature, then I'm gonna plant that seed. When I lived in Chisholm years ago, we lived right next to the walking path and we wanted to plant a garden. I roto-tilled it. I was all ready to go, and because it was next to the public walking path, so it was our house, the walking path, and then the lake there in Chisholm. These old guys always wanted to give in a give their opinion on what we were doing. So we were about to plant some seed. An old guy comes by and says, What are you doing? We're gonna plant some seeds. He says, You can't. You can't. Nope. Soil's not warm enough. I'm like, but it's May. He's like, You can't plant till June. I'm like, seriously? So, yeah, advice. But uh that was the only garden we ever tried, as a matter of fact. But uh, yeah, maybe someday in the future we'll try it again. But wise people cultivate love and trust to foster and develop. So here's why I'm just gonna take Proverbs chapter 10. I'm not gonna put it on the screen, but I'm gonna read verses 10 through, I'll probably go through 21. All right. Proverbs chapter 10, verses 10 through 21. As you listen to this, think about how much of this applies to the things that we say and the things that we do and what would make us more trustworthy. Whoever drinks maliciously causes grief. A chattering fool comes to ruin. The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence. Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers over all wrong. Wisdom is found on the lips of the discerning, but a rod for the back of the one who has no sense. The wise store up knowledge, but the mouth of a fool invites ruin. The wealth of the rich is their fortified city, but poverty is the ruin of the poor. The wages of the righteous is life, but the earnings of the wicked are sin and death. Whoever heeds discipline shows the way to life, but whoever ignores correction leads others astray. Whoever conceals hatred with why whoever conceals hatred with lying lips and spreads slander is a fool. Sin is not ended by multiplying words, but the prudent hold their tongues. The tongue of the righteous is choice silver, but the heart of the wicked is of little value. The lips of the righteous nourish many, but fools die for lack of sense. I'm gonna go to twenty-two. The blessing of the Lord brings wealth without painful toil for it. So many times, when you look in there, we've got attitudes and even words that impact our life. So hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs. Hebrew parallelism repeatedly gives you something good and then something bad. So if you wanted to have a really good list, you could go through and you could just take out the first part, usually the first part, and just okay, these are all the things I want to do. And then you can look at all the things you don't want to do. But that's why so many times when people quote verses, they'll do like Proverbs 10, 12, A, and that means that's the first part of the verse. And then B would be the second sentence or part of the verse and C or whatever. So that's if you didn't know that's what that meant. But hatred stirs up conflict. And I already mentioned some reasons that people get into conflicts and the hatred that they have. But love covers all wrong. When you show love for a hurting person, it can make a difference in their life, it can not only help them feel better about the moment, but it can help transform them to a better life. Jesus is the one that ultimately shows love. It's his love coming into us that overflows to others. So when we're told to love people, it's not just we got to muster up enough love to love that person, but it's no. Jesus' love received and flowing through us flows out to other people. And when our heart is truly transformed, it helps us to love and forgive even the unlovely. So hatred stirs up. The picture is of someone continually stirring a fire so it burns hotter. Hatred keeps conflict alive, it reopens old wounds, it keeps score, refuses to let offenses die, it constantly brings up the past to shame a person, to embarrass a person, to just keep that hatred going. But love covers all things. So we're to intentionally nurture and develop and connect with someone over time. So we need to take intentional effort and have mutual respect and actively communicate what Christ has done in our life, and even how, like the testimonies that like we hear, that we like to hear up here, what was our life like before we came to Jesus, how we came to Jesus, and what our life has been like since is the three-point testimony. We would be delighted for you to share with us on Sundays. Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins. Just think about that in the church, in Ephesians 4.32. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. And Jesus says, A new command I give you to love one another as I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another. So to have that kind of care, to have that kind of trust, to be that kind of person that doesn't use dishonest scales. Proverbs 11 1 says, a false balance is detestable to the Lord, but accurate rates, accurate weights find favor with him. And then verse 3 says, The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. So that false balance, those false weights. Back in those days, they could adjust the scales so that they would come out ahead. Now today we have shrinkflation, which you think you're buying the same amount of product, but they've actually done something to it, so that's not the same product anymore. Bought some shredded beef lately, and it looked like a pretty big bowl of shredded beef, looked like it was gonna fill up the family, buy some of those buns, and we've got instant lunch. And then I realized that they had taken the bottom of the bowl, made this great big concave hump. So it's like, oh wait, where's the beef? And you got other shrink flation too. So I don't really know anything about the meat business or the grocery business, but I do know that we bought some meat and we paid for it by the pound. It said on there what it was by the pound and everything. And as I took it out, there's this great big pad to soak up moisture or keep moisture, I don't know. But I took that thing, I put the meat on the grill, and I took that thing. I'm like, this thing feels like it weighs a pound. I wonder if I paid for that. I I don't know. But nonetheless, in our lives, to be honest, with the measures. That we use with the things that we do, a false balance. So Solomon isn't just talking about how to be a good business person, how to be a good merchant. He's talking about integrity. He's talking about how to have good integrity. God wants you to have good integrity. He wants you to be doing the right thing, even when nobody knows and nobody can see what you're doing because God sees, God knows, God cares, and God can reward you for your integrity. And that is a good thing. So again, verse 3 the integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity. Duplicity is where you're two-faced. You say one thing to one person and something else to another. And that can happen all the time. We don't want to be like that. Proverbs 11 13 says a gossip betrays the confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret. All right, number three, last point. Wise people choose words wisely. Pick your words wisely. Sometimes you don't need to say anything. The wisest thing you could do is not to say anything. And other times the wisest thing you can do is say something. I walked by, I saw the neighbor out, and I'm like, hey, I don't know if you know this, but your back tire on your truck is flat. He's like, oh, it is darn. And he could fix it before he had to go anywhere, and it was good. So I told him. But to be that kind of a person who says what needs to be said doesn't say everything that needs to be said. So Proverbs 12, I'm not going to read the whole thing. Verse 18 the words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing. So again, we're back to this. People are injured by the words that people use, but wise words can help people overcome. To help them to find healing and grace and to undo all that pain from the past. Ephesians 4 29 says, Don't let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouth, but only for what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And so, last proverb here anxiety weighs down the heart, but a kind word cheers it up. So, what can you do to be encouraging in that? I wanted to cover one other thing if we had time. Proverbs 1130. So when I was going to Moody Bible Institute and memorizing Bible verses and back in the days when we used to use the King James a lot, this was a soul winner's verse. I don't know how many of you went out soul winning before. So often churches would get together with people and they'd go out soul winning. They'd go out door to door and knock on doors and ask people about Jesus. And sometimes they'd have a survey. Sometimes they'd just ask, What have you done with Jesus? But they were going out, they were soul winning. And so soul winning is good. And I learned, memorized this verse, that the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and he that wins souls is wise. So what does that say to you? This verse, according to Spurgeon, according to Moody, according to many of those great evangelists of the past, says that when you go out soul winning, you are wise. That's what that verse said. Problem is, let's go to the one, the NIV verse. This Bible, the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and the one who is wise saves lives. Okay, maybe that's close. Like soul winning, but they didn't say soul winning. So leading people to Jesus, saving lives, and now go to the one that says New Living Translation. The seed of good deeds, the seed of good deeds becomes a tree of life, and a wise person wins friends. I'm like, what is going on here? And so I guess that the Hebrew word is hard to translate, and our idea of what go back to the NIV one. And our idea of what a soul is has changed over time. So the Hebrew word means to take, to seize, to capture, to gain, or to win. So it does not specifically mean evangelize, even though that was my understanding of what it was. And the second word, what we think of soul, is the immaterial part of a person, but the Hebrew word is much broader. It often means a living person or simply a human life. So what it's truly saying is the fruit of the righteous is a tree of life, and the wise person has a life-giving influence on people. He draws them toward wisdom instead of foolishness, he influences them toward life instead of destruction. So it still means that we should try to lead people to Jesus. And it's also interesting that a Bible commentary says the King James translators, we're not necessarily translating this as an evangelism verse. In 1611, the English word soul often simply meant person, and to win meant to gain or to influence. So when we look at that, when we have those Bible difficulties, actually, there's a whole book called Bible difficulties that look at many of these different things. We should not just say, oh, the Bible is unworthy, and therefore if they couldn't get that right, everything else is probably wrong too. We have to realize that we are a long ways away from when those words were first written, and we should search the scriptures to find out what exactly they mean and what is true. And we should be able to give a defense so that when people ask us, hey, what's up with this verse, that we at least know where we can find the answers. So this week, I hope that you will read Proverbs, today's Proverbs 12, that you'll read then 13 through 20 or so, and then I'll talk some of that, some about that next week. But let me pray. Lord Jesus, I thank you for these people. I thank you for these this time. I thank you for this air conditioning on this hot day and humid day. Lord, we are so blessed. Lord, I pray that you would grow this church, that you would fill this church. But more than anything, I pray that you would grow these people, that you would fill them with their Holy Spirit, with your Holy Spirit, that they would be community changers and world changers, and that you would do great things through us. That you do great things for us, that we would be able to look back on our days and just see how faithful you've been. We just pray that we can live the life you've called us to live in Jesus' name. Amen.