Obstacle Horse

Three friends go on a magical quest together. 

Transcript

Your new house has all of those “real adult” things that your old apartment was missing. You finally have a walk-in closet, a kitchen you can properly cook in. And of course, what you’re most excited for is that you finally have space for a dining room table. You splurge when you get one, you’ve been waiting for so long. You get an expensive wooden one from an Amish furniture store, complete with matching chairs. It’s got all those authentic, handmade imperfections that make it just perfect. You put your game cabinet right next to it, ready to be able to properly host some game nights in this new place. As you unpack them, you realize that you have a few that you haven't even gotten around to playing. You find one that isn’t even open. You have trouble placing where you got it, and the packaging is strange, just blank white with black letters. You take off the plastic wrap and you open it up on your new table. Inside, you find a Mouse Trap-type board. There are little contraptions and lots of tiny plastic bits that look almost like playground equipment. You start opening them and setting them up along the colorful board, but you’re interrupted by a strange noise. It sounds like someone yelling from very far away. You hone in on it, though, and you realize it's coming from inside the board game. You move over the instruction pamphlet and underneath, where the player pieces should be, are three tiny people. You can’t believe your eyes. They stop yelling when they see you, and one of them speaks up. It says, “Please, you have to help us. We need you to play the game to free us from our curse. You have to –” But you cut them off, and you put the instruction pamphlet back over them. Whatever is going on in there is none of your business. You pack everything back up, and then you put the lid back on The Podcast Inside Your House. 

In his nearly 100 years below this earth, Auris never thought he’d actually have to do his job. By the time the gates finally opened, and he heard the grand summons, he’d almost forgotten the words he was supposed to say. 

But when he got close enough to make out three dark forms against the blinding light of the surface, the words came back to him. 

“Welcome, travelers! You’ve found the World Maze. If you turn back now, you’ll live to boast about your discovery. But if you choose to enter the maze, you face certain death.”

As the silhouettes stepped into the darkness, Auris made out two boys and a girl. Though he hadn’t seen many humans in his day, or any full blooded humans really, he thought they looked rather young to be adventuring. 

The girl spoke first. “Look at him, he’s so cute!” 

One of the boys, one with fair hair, chastised her. “Chloe, he can talk, don’t talk about him like he’s not here.” The boy stepped closer to Auris and said, “Pleased to meet you, Mr. Horse. We’ve never met a talking animal before.” He held out his hand. “I’m Jayden.” Then he put his hand away when he realized Auris didn’t have hands. 

Jayden pointed at the dark-haired boy and said, “That’s Christopher; he doesn’t talk.”

Christopher held up his hand and gave a small wave, flashing a smile that was all teeth. 

The girl, her hair a dark orange, said, “I’m Chloe, what’s your name, Mr. Horse?” 

“I’m Auris, and I’m actually a pony, but that’s not important.” He gave a small bow, “pleased to meet you all. I’ll be your guide through the maze. Though I’d like to remind you once again that it’s not too late to get out of here and escape certain death.”

Jayden said, “I’m pretty sure certain death is waiting for us back the way we came, too. At least it looks a little nicer in here.” Then he smiled, like maybe what he’d said had just been a joke. 

The teenagers all looked around them, then, the novelty of a talking pony waning just enough to allow them to properly take in their surroundings. 

They looked up at the tall cavern sky, torches burning far out of reach above. They craned their necks to try and see above the green maze wall, the girl Chloe, reaching out to test the cornstalks. 

As they studied the maze, Auris studied them. They looked like they’d gone on a grand adventure that had long since morphed into more of an ordeal. Their clothes were ragged, and their hair was greasy. 

The boys both wore short sleeves, and the girl wore shorts on her legs, and studying them closely revealed both fresh wounds and old battle scars. Though these kids were young, they’d apparently been living as adventurers for some time. 

“Why is it a corn maze?” Jayden asked. “I thought it was supposed to be some great ancient labyrinth.”

“This maze runs under the whole world.” Auris said, “So it reflects whatever part of the world you enter it from. So here in the new world, it’s made up of well, maize.”

The kids didn’t laugh at his joke, “With an I, you know maize.’ Auris added. 

“Oh, the corn, it’s maize. Right,” Chloe said. 

“I just was hoping it would be different,” Jayden said, “Isn’t it supposed to be a magical place?”

“Oh, don’t worry,” Auris replied. “We’ve got all kinds of wonders down here. But also terrors. Before we start walking, are you kids really sure you want to get lost in here?”

“More sure than I’ve ever been about anything in my life,” Chloe said, and the boys nodded their agreement. 

“Very well,” Auris said, and started clopping ahead. “To certain death!”

The kids laughed at that and started following along. 

As they twisted and turned through the endless rows of corn,  they asked Auris about the maze, and he told them what he was allowed to disclose as a guide. 

He told them about how the maze was built upon the body of The World Horse, and the vast swath Auris patrolled, the area that he’d spent his entire life in was just the ear of the great beast. While Auris liked his home well enough, he was curious to finally see a bit more of the underworld. 

Auris talked about the rules of the maze. How those who entered had to choose which part of the horse they wanted to journey into to be granted a wish. Those seeking to meddle with life, to live forever, or bring someone back from the dead had to journey to the lungs. Those seeking knowledge or power beyond their wildest imagination had to journey to the horse’s brain. Wealth could be found in the hooves. 

But the children stopped him before he could list off everything. Jayden said, “We read in our map that if we went to the heart, then the maze would grant us a wish that would affect, like, all of humanity.” 

Auris was glad to hear there were still maps to the maze floating around up on the surface. Sometimes it felt like humanity had forgotten the underworld entirely. “Yes indeed. Are you sure you don’t want to hear everything? The lesser wishes are easier to get to. Actually, those are the only wishes you humans have ever managed to attain. No one’s ever lived long enough to get to the big one before.”

“We’re sure,” Jayden said, and the others nodded in agreement.

“Alright then, to The Heart we go!”

And right on time, as soon as Auris had explained the rules to them, the first beast showed up. It was one of the Spark Frogs, hopping around a nearby bend. 

About half the height of the humans, the frog was not a fearsome beast. Had it not been walking on two legs, it would have looked very much like a surface frog, albeit much bigger. The Spark Frogs kept to themselves, so Auris didn’t know what this one's name was, or if they even used names. This one had mottled sage skin and mud brown eyes, which it licked as it sized up its possible prey. 

The kids all reached for their weapons, and Auris assessed whether he felt like they’d have any chance down here at all. Jayden had brought a sword, Chloe a bow, though she only had a few arrows in her quiver. Christopher reached for no weapon and simply watched the frog. 

Auris spoke up before the battle could begin. “You kids should know, you’ll get through the labyrinth faster if you defeat each monster properly, and that doesn’t always mean slaying them. Some of them are just testing you.”

With that, the frog stood higher on the tips of its webbed feet and opened its mouth. It reached into its gullet and pulled out a stick. 

“And the monsters are going to get harder to defeat the further you get inside. After all, where would the fun be if the Minotaur just bit off everyone’s head the second they walked in here?”

“Okay, let's be careful not to hurt this guy,” Chloe said. “He’s probably just going to tell us riddles or something.”

But the Frog pointed its wand at the kids, and taking aim at Jayden, shot a wall of sparks. 

“Fuck me!” Jayden yelled. Followed by “What the heck?” as he calmed down a bit. “It shocked me.”

The frog got Chloe next, but she didn’t reach for her bow. Instead, she just stepped closer to the frog. “Guys, can you distract it? I have an idea.”

Christopher grabbed an ear of corn from the maze wall and chucked it at the frog. It turned on him next, shocking him. He took a sharp breath but didn’t cry out.

Jayden did the same, snapping off several more ears to throw. The frog fired back at them and, through a series of “Oh shoots” and “heck mes” from Jayden Chloe, made her way to the frog. It realized too late how close she was, and shocked her just as she grabbed ahold of its slimy skin. 

The shock traveled through her, back to the frog, and it gurgled wetly in surprise. Then it shook off Chloe’s touch and hopped off. 

“That was easy.” She said. 

The boys stopped ripping up ears of corn. Jayden rustled the stalks and asked, “Hey, Auris, what’s to stop us from just going through the walls?”

“The plants are just covering the real walls; there are bones underneath there,” Auris replied. “You could climb over them, sure, but the labyrinth isn’t a static place like you have on the surface. It moves and breathes and changes. You can get where you’re going faster by playing by its rules.”

“What kind of bones?” Jayden asked, rustling further through the wall. 

“Some from the World Horse itself, we’ll see those when we get further in. Out here, though, it’s the bones of the great horses' descendants; my ancestors, my brothers and sisters. And those who die trying to traverse the labyrinth, too.” 

Jayden stopped his rustling. 

“When I die, I’ll ask them to put my bones next to yours, wouldn’t that be nice?” Auris asked. “I’m almost a century old, so you kids will probably be the only humans I guide through here. I’ve heard we used to get humans down here by the hundreds, but well, no one believes in magic anymore up there. How did you kids find this place anyway?”

It took a second for anyone to answer him. Finally, Jayden said, “Oh, you know, we found an ancient map in the woods. Went on a magical but perilous quest to find the entrance. It’s a long story. I didn’t really think it was real, though, not until we got here.”

“It still doesn’t seem real to me,” Chloe said. She turned her face upwards then, studying the vast cave ceiling, her eyes tracing water droplets falling from a stalactite. 

Christopher just stared at Jayden, like he was waiting to see if he’d say more. Or like he was cautioning him against it. 

They walked in silence for a while before Chloe noted, “There are no birds down here, it’s so quiet.”

“I hadn't even noticed,” Jayden said. 

“Is it never quiet up on the surface?” Auris asked. 

“Not really,” Chloe said. “There are usually birds or insects if you’re outside in nature. Or if you’re in the city, there are cars, and music, and people talking or yelling.”

“Is it nice?” Auris asked. 

“Sometimes.” She answered. 

Auris tried to ask them more about the surface. He tried to pry more about their lives and what had led them here. But they gave him short answers, like they were afraid he wouldn’t like what they said if they talked too much.

They covered a lot of ground before they got tired, making it out of the cornfields and into a part of the maze where the bones were covered by trees and bushes, and vines. The walls started to grow taller around them. The kids called it quits when they started yawning, electing to sleep in shifts. 

But that made little difference when the next monster came, for it had no intention of sneaking up on anyone. 

Auris had meant to stay up and try to talk more with whatever human was standing watch, but he was tuckered out from being on his hooves all day. Sleep had snuck up on him, but before long he awoke in a panic. Not in response to a noise, or to a smell, or to a sound, though, he was jarred awake purely by a feeling, an instinct. 

It was a feeling Auris knew all too well, for it was one he felt rarely. He was afraid. As a descendant of The World Horse, none of the beasts down here would ever dare harm him. But his lineage had long since lost any magical abilities, as well as any resistance to those abilities in others. And the beast coming for them now projected an unbearable fear. 

When he felt his fur stand on end, when he felt his heart beat so fast it felt like it would explode, he knew he was safe, but that didn’t do anything to curb the horrible feeling.

The kids were all awake, but silent. They exchanged looks and got their weapons ready. Christopher pulled out a handgun from his backpack, and Chloe dug through the arrows in her quiver. Auris noted different colored metals on each tip. These kids had really tried their best to come prepared to slay anything. 

But no sounds gave them a clue about what was coming, and the beast itself had yet to rear its ugly head. 

To their right, they had a long, straight stretch of maze. To their left, though, there was a bend just yards away. Chloe pointed her bow to the right, Christopher held his gun to the left, and Jayden stood at the ready with his sword between them. 

Auris stood up, his legs trembling, and watched to the right. This particular creature would want them to see it coming. 

It stuck its head out from behind the bend first, careful to keep its face toward them, because from that angle it looked almost human. The eyes were a bit deepset, though, the nose strange, the ears smooth. Then the beast turned its head, revealing a long, fleshy snout, and it smiled, showing off jagged teeth. 

The kids gasped, and the creature perked up pointy ears in excitement. It crawled out from behind the bend then, on all fours. Its hand and feet were elongated, the tips of its fingers and toes the only things touching the ground. Then it reared its head back, and it howled, the wretched sound echoing off the cavern ceiling. 

Auris was paralyzed. He forgot all about the kids; he forgot all about the fact that the beast couldn’t touch him. He forgot in that moment who he even was; all he knew was the unnatural fear the beast extracted from him. 

Then he heard someone yell “Silver!” and the beast flinched and fell to the ground. Auris let out a breath he’d been holding for ages, and he felt his fear start to ebb. 

“Nice shot, Chloe!” Jayden yelled. And Auris finally found the strength to turn his head just in time to watch them high-five. 

They walked over to the beast to make sure it was really dead, then Chloe asked Auris, “Hey! What are we supposed to eat down here anyway? Is this thing poisonous?” 

And, regrettably, Auris told her. “No.”

Minutes later, the boys were butchering the beast with knives they must have kept in their pockets or backpacks. It made Auris wonder what else they’d brought with them for their journey. Chloe started tearing out leaves and branches from the wall and attempting to make a fire. Once enough greenery burned off, she succeeded just in time for the boys to start bringing over chunks of the Dogman. Not one of them paused at digging into the human-like carcass. 

Auris regained his composure and hooved away some dirt to show them how to get groundwater. Seeing them eating reminded him that humans had to drink, too. 

When they were done, they set up to sleep once again, and Jayden took first watch. Auris folded his legs and lied down next to him. The boy started petting his back absentmindedly, but Auris didn’t mind. The local dryads doted on him, petting him and braiding his hair, and he’d grown rather fond of the feeling of humanoid touch. 

Auris was hoping he could get the boy talking a bit. He wanted to know more about why they needed so badly to get to the heart of the maze. Why were these kids so determined to sway the fate of humanity itself?

Auris saw Jayden looking up at the torches hanging from the ceiling, and he asked him, “I’ve never been to the surface, but I always imagined the fires up there look something like your stars up top. Tell me about them.”

“They’re the most beautiful things you’ll ever see.” Jayden said, “Even more than the leaves on the trees, or the moon, or the clouds, or anything.” He paused. “When you’re looking up at the stars, you remember that there are other places out there. Better places than this one here.”

“You mean the maze?”

“No, Auris. I mean this world.” Then he finally looked down from the cave ceiling. “You’ve never gone to the surface? How old are you?”

“No, I like it, down here just fine. I’m 96, maybe I’ll go to celebrate the big 100.”

“You should. I didn’t see the stars myself for the first time until a few years ago.”

“Are things that bad up on the surface?” Auris asked. “That people have to hide?” 

“No,” Jayden replied. “My little corner of it was just… Not good.”

Auris had a million questions then, but Jayden told him, “Go to sleep, Auris.” 

The next day, they covered enough ground that the wall ecosystem started to change once again. Leafy saplings and vines were replaced with tiny evergreen shrubs and berry bushes. By midday, they’d even entered the skull of the great beast, the rocky ceiling above them replaced with the smooth ivory of bone. 

The next beast they encountered seemed to find them almost by accident. They turned the bend, just as it turned one in the distance. It looked surprised, but once it saw people in its realm, it started running at them. Auris felt his heart sink when he saw it. It was one of the forest guardians. They were quite good company compared to some of the beasts down here. This one even looked a bit familiar, though Auris couldn’t place his name. 

When the kids saw him coming, Chloe yelled out, “Bigfoot is real!” Humans always had such silly names for the beasts of the labyrinth. 

They all looked at each other, unsure of what to do, but then the creature bellowed at them. Christopher pulled out his gun and fired off two shots right into he beast's skull. 

“Bigfoot is dead,” Jayden said. 

The kids ate him too, not wanting to waste a good meal. To build their cooking fire, they ripped out more of the wall, likely plants the creature had just been tending to. 

Auris tried to pry more that night, this time with Chloe, but she seemed unwilling to talk about her recent life on the surface. She’d tell him stories from her childhood, but anything from the past few years,  anything about why she’d come down here, why she’d gone on this perilous quest in the first place, was off limits. 

The next day, they made it out of the skull, and the days began to blur together. Auris was further in the labyrinth than he’d ever been. He’d always thought guiding humans through the labyrinth would be some grand adventure, but the further they got, the more he found himself just missing his home. 

The humans tackled all of the monsters with ease. They dispatched goblins, bone worms, and even a Grand Lion. But as they got further down the horse’s neck, closer to their prize, the beasts of the labyrinth grew more fearsome. 

Their escapes grow narrower and narrower. Finally, when they passed through a nest of ice spiders, Auris thought it was the end for them, and truth be told, he was a little relieved. 

But as soon as they realized they were cornered, that there was no escape, Chloe said, “It’s time guys, we agreed I’d go first.”

And as the ice spiders drew closer, their fangs blue and twitching, the kids all enacted a plan that seemed pre-rehearsed. Chloe handed them her bow and her backpack, taking out of it a single green orb. Then she ran straight into the spiders, catching them off guard enough to slip past them and get the smallest head start. The spiders left Jayden and Christopher alone, then followed her. The beasts of the labyrinth had to honor a heroic sacrifice. Though how the kids had figured that one out had Auris stumped. The spiders chased Chloe around a bend, and just as the last one clinked out of sight, an explosion rocked the cave. 

The boys ran, and Auris followed, but soon he told them they could slow down. The labyrinth had gotten what it wanted. 

Their travels grew quieter after that. Jayden and Auris would talk about their worlds in broad strokes, but the boy resisted Auris’s attempts to pry about how he’d found the labyrinth, about why he was here. And of course, Auris couldn’t tell him too many of the labyrinth’s secrets. 

As they journeyed into the ribcage, Auris was excited but also afraid. He’d be granted godhood if he successfully guided his humans to their prize. But he didn’t know if that was something he even wanted. He’s always gotten a peaceful feeling when he imagined his bones joining those of his ancestors in the wall. 

The boys did well fighting monsters on their own until a feathered snake managed to scrape Christopher's leg with its fang. The boy didn't die, but infection set in quickly. 

His leg began to turn red, and then gray, and it swelled up. It started leaking something green, and even then the boy pressed on, his gait completely unbothered, as if gangrene were just a mild inconvenience to him. Auris would have thought Christoher couldn’t even feel pain if it wasn’t for a single wince he made when he kicked a root with his bad leg. 

Just who were these kids who were so ready to die for their cause?

They continued like that for days, hitting a point where the foliage on the wall was tropical and lush. But as they got further into the horse’s chest, Auris knew what was waiting for them. Eventually, they heard it, a sound that Auris knew all too well. The plants on the wall shook, the ceiling itself rattled enough that the torches flickered and swung. It was the loudest sound they’d ever heard. It was the shrieking bugle of the minotaur itself. 

Jayden and Christopher exchanged looks, and Christopher gestured to Jayden's sword. Jayden sighed. “You’re right. Go ahead and steal my thunder, I guess.”

Sweaty and shaky from infection, Christopher handed over his backpack. Jayden unzipped his pack and started consolidating their things. Auris finally got to see what the silent boy kept on him, and was somewhat unsurprised to see that the backpack was entirely full of bullets. 

Jayden handed Christpher the sword, and the boy stood a little bit taller as the thunderous footsteps of the beast grew closer. When it turned the bend, its head nearly touching the ceiling itself, Christopher smiled, a smile that was all teeth. Then he charged forward. 

“That was supposed to be me fighting a minotaur to the death,” Jayden said. Then simply turned away, “Let's get this done.”

They rounded the next bend. Though Christopher couldn’t yell, they soon heard the footfalls of the great beast start receding, and they knew what that meant.

“We’ve got to be close to the heart now,” Jayden said. “What else could the labyrinth possibly have to throw at us?” 

“The last beast is in the heart itself,” Auris said. Part of him wanted to keep his mouth shut, knowing that this boy he’d been traveling with might not be fit to wield a decision that could sway the fate of all humanity. But at this point, though, now that the boy had come so far, there was a bigger part of Auris that wanted to see just what he’d wish for. And that part was winning. 

“Remember, not all beasts are defeated the same way. Think before you do anything when we get in there.” 

Jayden simply nodded, and as they turned the bend, they saw the great gray mummified heart of the World Horse. Jayden broke out into a run, and Auris galloped behind him. 

They reached the heart breathless and ready for anything. Auris knew the type of beast that lurked inside, but he’d never seen one. It was a shapeshifter, designed to take on the shape of whatever its challenger feared the most. Auris couldn’t even begin to guess what would scare Jayden, a boy who laughed fearlessly as he’d cut down all manner of monsters. A boy who’d come into this place planning on dying. 

“Remember, think before you act.” Auris reminded him. Once again, Jayden nodded, and they stepped into a hole in the cavernous heart. 

Inside, waiting for them was a simple human man. He didn’t look particularly big or menacing to Auris, and he smiled warmly at them as they walked closer. 

“Now just where the heck have you been, kiddo?” The man asked Jayden, “I missed you.”

Jayden stopped in his tracks. He reached for the gun at his side, but stopped, hands shaking. He was thinking. 

“Why don’t you come over here and give me a hug? It’s been so long.” The man was still smiling, a smile that looked genuine. 

Jayden took his hand off the gun, setting it at his side. He pushed both arms into his torso, halting the shaking just a bit. Auris nuzzled him, pressing his nose into the boy's hand. Ever so gently, he pushed him forward. Jayden looked at Auris, then looked at the man, and knew what he needed to do. Auris moved forward and pressed himself into Jayden’s side. Jayden leaned into him, and together they made their way to the center of the heart, their footsteps echoing on the stone beneath them. 

When they reached the shapeshifter, the beast wearing the skin of the thing Jayden feared the most in the world, the boy opened his arms and gave the beast a hug. 

The effect was instant. The beast's flesh melted away, replaced with smooth silver skin. Jayden pulled away and studied the thing before him. Shaped like a man but completely featureless, its silver skin was more akin to a frog than human flesh. Jayden’s breathing slowed, and he closed his eyes for just a second before he addressed the creature. 

“Is this it then? Did I make it to the end?”

The creature answered him in a voice no longer pretending to be human. “It is indeed, traveler. You’re the first of your kind to ever make it to the heart of the World Horse. You can make one wish that will change the path of your entire race. The fate of humanity rests in your hands.”

Auris was so proud of Jayden in that moment. This boy had done what no human had ever done before. His friends had given up their lives for this, and he’d been more than ready to do the same. Surely there was no one better suited to help humanity move forward, to steer them in the right direction. 

Jayden started petting Auris’s neck and closed his eyes for just a second, this time to savor the moment. “I can’t believe we really did it.” 

“What I want, what me and my friends all want -” Jayden paused for just a moment, blinking back tears. He took a deep breath. 

“I want you to burn it all down. Kill everyone. Start over with something new. Something better.”

Thank you for tuning in to this episode of the podcast inside your house! To hear every tale of terror as they are released, subscribe to our show on your podcast app or on Youtube or follow us on Instagram and Bluesky. Until Next Time, remember that we’re all just infinitesimal specks on a rock in space, living on top of the skeleton of a giant horse, so it’s okay to let loose and have fun every now and then.